Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

An Ode to Finals Season

As the long-awaited Dec. 20 draws near, we here at 4E have prepared an ode to undoubtedly the merriest time of the year: FINALS SZN. Whether you’re reading this post in the sanctity of your own dearly missed home, at your ~unique~ vacation spot in Mexico or on the Hilltop waiting for your unfortunately-scheduled math final, we can relate to what you’re feeling:

So, without further ado, let’s all take a moment to reflect on Georgetown’s beloved stress culture, appreciate the ~high-quality~ Whisk coffee that has fueled us thus far and give ourselves a pat on the back for succeeding  doing relatively well surviving this semester!

After endless midterms, weeks of studying all night,

there’s a brief respite, then finals are in sight.

It seems like it’s always time to buckle down

but that’s just part of being at Georgetown

The struggle is real as you prep for Bib Lit —

but what can you expect from the Jesuits?

You’ve got 99 problems, the first is Of God,

and in time you’re exposed as a Catholic fraud.

In your first exam, those wretched blue books appear

and before too long, they’re stained with your tears.

You fight through hand cramps for two hours straight,

and from nine to eleven, your heart palpitates.

Lau 2 is love, Lau 2 is life —

just kidding, that place is a hellhole of strife.

You wonder, will these troubles ever be over?

It’s been awhile since you’ve been this sober.

You’ve studied forever, it seems like a time warp,

and while waiting at MUG, you curse the capitalist Corp.

Later that day, you procrastinate more:

It was feeling too lonely up on Lau 4.

You’re buried in books on a Saturday night —

to friends at state schools, it’s a pitiful sight.

It’s only midnight, but the future looks bleak.

You remind yourself, though, that sleep’s for the weak.

But when you finally get into the swing of things,

to no one’s surprise, Lau’s fire alarm rings.

So you make your way over to good ol’ Leavey —

should four flights of stairs really make you this wheezy?

Texts from your friends say they’re already on break,

but at least they’ll be free to attend your wake.

You’re struggling to find the will to survive,

indeed, you fall short of the expectation to thrive.

“How to learn French in a day,” you search online.

You’d forgotten “Bonjour”— probably not a good sign

After handing in your final subpar paper,

it looks like life’s finally turned in your favor.

Though GPA-wise, there may be reason to fear,

that’ll be a problem you save for next year.

The holidays will provide plenty of reason

for you to repress this finals season.

Walking past Healy, you take a pic and proceed,

“until next semester!” your Snapchat story reads.

Suitcase in hand, you feel an upswing in mood

at the thought of three weeks without Leo’s food.

You search for your Uber outside the front gates —

What’s taking so long? New Jersey awaits!

~Happy Hoyadays~ from all of us at 4E!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

High School vs. Georgetown

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Everyone knows that high school and college are pretty different. From academics to the social scene, they are essentially worlds apart. 4E brings you a few situations that demonstrate this difference perfectly.

Situation 1: Getting an A

High School: *Shoves test in binder*

Georgetown:

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Situation 2: The “humble brag”

High School: “You’re on chapter 7?! I haven’t even opened the book.”

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Georgetown: “You’re on chapter 7?! You better hurry up.  I memorized all the charts and statistics.”

Situation 3: Being Healthy

High School: “I try to eat a balance of fruits, vegetables, proteins, and carbs.”

Georgetown: “I try to eat healthy. Also, I went to Yates last week.”

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Situation 4: Needing to do laundry

High School: “Maahhhm!”

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Georgetown: “Maybe if I spray it with perfume no one will know…”

Situation 5: Relationships

High School: “After our date he asked if we should make it Facebook official.”

Georgetown: *Swipes you in at Leo’s* “It was essentially a date.”

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Situation 6: Trying really hard to cook

High School: *Prepares five course meal.*

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Georgetown: *Fails at preparing five course meal.*

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*And then resorts to EasyMac*

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Situation 7: Being a nerd

High School: “You did the reading? Classic. Such a nerd.”

Georgetown: “That kid always ruins the curve. I heard he co-authored the textbook. What a nerd.”

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Situation 8: Netflix and chilling

High School: *text at 6:30 p.m.* “Hey. I have to watch my sister tonight while my parents are gone but want to come over to watch some Netflix and chill?”

Georgetown: *text at 3:30 a.m.* “Netflix and chill;)?”

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Situation 9: Waking up early

High School: “I got up at 5 a.m. for swim practice. I’m literally going to die.”

Georgetown: “I have an 8 a.m. class this semester. I’m literally going to die.”

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Situation 10: Realistic career expectations

High School: “I’m incredibly passionate about biology, space, and astrophysics. I’m either going to be a physicist or an astronaut. I got a 5 in AP Physics so I’m probably smart enough.”

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Georgetown: “I mean, tax law could be interesting.”

Situation 11: Personal Space

High School:

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Georgetown: “This should do for now.”

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Situation 12: Approaching a crush

High school:

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Georgetown: “My crush has got to be on tinder somewhere. It’s only a matter of time.”

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Situation 13: Dance parties

High school: “There’s always that one couple…”

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Georgetown: “There’s always that one kid..” *Brings entire freshman floor*

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College is hard. But, you’ve got to admit, most times it’s better than high school.

Photos/Gifs: trb.com; tumblr.com; giphy.com

Surviving College 101

SURVIVALTo the Class of 2019:

You’re probably sitting at home right now trying to think of a creative way to introduce yourself to all of your potential CHARMS matches. If you’re already feeling stressed about this monumental life decision, then we may have some bad news for you. Things will only get more stressful. You haven’t even thought about which posters you’ll put on your wall or which picture you’ll submit for your GoCard. Odds are, you’ll start freaking out, but then again that’s why we’re here.

As you get ready to move onto the Hilltop, we here at 4E would like to provide you with a few words of wisdom. Some advice, if you will, on how to survive the awkward transition from high school proms and graduations to college dorm rooms and shenanigans. We’ve all been in your place before, and seriously, looking back we wish we had some honest advice before moving into our cramped, 200 square foot spacious dorm room. So, here is a compilation of advice for all of you incoming freshmen…may the odds ever be in your favor.

1. Invest in a Lanyard: Lanyards are fashionable and functional. They allow you to swipe into your dorm and Leo’s with ease, so you don’t have to spend 10 minutes searching for your GoCard. You’ll notice that when you arrive on campus, all Hoyas will be sporting this trendy look. Make sure to invest in a variety of patterns and colors to coordinate with your outfits. The last thing you’ll want is for the look to clash, which would just be tacky.

2. Listen to Cool Music: “Cool Music” in college is defined as any song that could be considered on a “Top 50 Pop Songs” playlist. Know these songs. Bring loud speakers to school and blast the same 5 songs on repeat 24/7. You’ll be sure to attract the attention of your floor mates and make a lot of new friends.

3. Always Talk About High School: Seriously, it never ends! People in college love talking about that period of time when they had braces and used lockers. Bring things like your prom crown or 11 varsity letters so you’ll have something to impress all of your new friends. Remember, if you don’t actually bring these things to prove how cool you are, then everyone will assume you’re lying.

4. Expand on the Buddy System: Remember when your 3rd grade teacher used to make you use the buddy system in class field trips? Yeah, well college takes the buddy system to a whole new level. Any time you even think of hitting up cool places like Brown House on the weekend, you better get all of your closest friends (read: entire floor) together. Traveling in a herd will help you blend into the sea of upperclassmen so you’ll be more likely to get into parties. Which leads to…

5. Know Your Ratio: Always be the person in your herd who brings up your ratio. The number of guys versus girls can be key in getting into any party. The rule is pretty simple: always make sure you have way more guys than girls.
6. Buy a Vespa: Imagine getting your class schedule during NSO and realizing that you only have 15 minutes to get to White Gravenor from Healy! This can only mean one thing: you will be late to class every time and your professor will hate you. Avoid this problem by purchasing a Vespa. This is essential if you’re assigned to Darnall, which is basically Siberia.

7. Work Hard, Play Hard: If you don’t let everyone you meet know this is your motto, then you’re doing college wrong. Make sure you actually say this phrase as often as possible, otherwise it’s not believable. Especially to upperclassmen. They can relate.

Photos/Gifs: theguardian.com, imgur.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com

Breaking News: AP U.S. History is Un-American

APUSH

As a college student, you likely find yourself fairly removed from the high school scene. Your days are no longer plagued with mystery meals from your school cafeteria, lockers you can’t remember the combination to and, of course, AP courses. While all of these things may seem like a distant memory, they unfortunately still exist. Well, at least for now.

Recently, politicians in Oklahoma have been pushing to put a ban on AP U.S. history classes. They have deemed the course unpatriotic as it portrays America in a negative light. At the forefront of the crusade against the College Board is House Representative, Dan Fisher, who does not support the AP course because it teaches students “what is bad about America”. As any true patriot knows, America has never been at fault in the course of its history so naturally any class that claims otherwise is just plain wrong.

Representative Fisher is obviously the embodiment of patriotism as he understands the importance of preventing high school students from receiving a comprehensive education on American history. After his great reform, the only Trail of Tears students will know about is their own as they cry over their pitiful AP scores! While 4E loves Representative Fisher’s initiative, we would like to encourage him to consider restructuring other AP courses that are clearly pushing anti-American agendas as well.

Here are the top five AP courses Oklahoma needs to ban:

AP Spanish/French/Italian/Etc.: Do you know what America’s official national language is? Trick question, America doesn’t actually have an official language. Ever wonder why? Well, it’s probably because it goes without saying that it’s English. Therefore learning and speaking any language other than English isn’t necessary and shouldn’t be allowed.

AP Biology: For those of you who took this class, you may recall learning a thing or two about modern day genetics. What you may not recall is that the founder of modern day genetics is none other than Gregor Mendel. Why exactly does this matter? Well, he was Austrian and not American. Any course that stresses the contribution of someone who is not American must not support this country’s ideals. I’m sure there are plenty of great American geneticists students should be learning about instead.

AP Calculus: While Calculus was invented by Isaac Newton and Gottfried Leibniz, neither of whom are American, it should be banned for another, more pressing issue. At its core, AP calculus involves subjecting students to torture as they are forced to derive and integrate functions for hours at a time. This clearly isn’t American, and definitely should not be allowed in schools.

AP Psychology: A lot of AP psychology curriculums focus on the contributions of Sigmund Freud and Ivan Pavlov. While these psychologists may have made a few minor discoveries, their work shouldn’t overshadow that of great American psychologists like Stanley Milgram! Milgram’s work may not have been completely ethical, but if that part is just left out of the text then it never happened, right?

AP European History: This really shouldn’t even need an explanation. If students will no longer have the option to take AP U.S. history then taking its European equivalent is completely out of the question because ‘MURICA.

Thanks to the Washington Post for notifying us of this serious American issue.

Photos/ Gifs: tumblr.com; alan.com

GAAP Group Etiquette

gaap groupSo you were accepted to Georgetown, and now you’re in the GAAP Facebook group. First of all, congratulations! But you’ve heard enough of that from Aunt Bertha, now it’s time for some constructive criticism. We’ve all been there, and we all know the classic mistakes people make posting in these groups. So let’s reminisce on our own awkward prefrosh posts and help teach you prospective Hoyas some GAAP group etiquette. These are just a few things that you really should not do…

Don’t talk about how you can’t decide between Georgetown and Harvard, Princeton, Yale, etc. We know you’re smart, and we are very happy you’ve gotten into so many prestigious schools, but throwing the Ivies in everyone’s face is never a good idea. Also, don’t even think about posting your SATs scores.

Don’t friend everyone else in the group. We all want to make friends, and soon you’ll have more new friends than you know what to do with, but friending strangers is a definite no. Control yourself, you can do it.

Don’t post about some of your wild nights. Trying to look like a party animal doesn’t really make a good impression. And definitely don’t post during one of those nights… or try not to. We all make mistakes.

Don’t post all the time. Remember that the GAAP groups are open, which means all of your friends can see what you’re posting. They will see it and they will make fun of you.

Don’t stay in the group after you’ve decided on another school, although lets be honest, you’re probably going to choose Georgetown.

So whether you’re a current Hoya who has made some of these mistakes (I too might be guilty of a few… all… of these) or a potential Hoya stumbling upon 4E for the first time, remember that these things are never a good idea, in any Facebook group. Good night, and good luck.

Why We DON’T Miss High School

you don't miss hsNow that we’re all on spring break and some of us are home for the week, you’re probably feeling nostalgic and reflecting on your pre-college life, or you’re somewhere warm lying on a beach with your mind blank. If so, take a break from all that sun and read on anyway. You might miss some of your teachers and classmates and all the local spots where you used to hang out. Before you go wishing you could do it all over again, I’m here to remind you why you really don’t miss high school.

Class all day Whether you’re the type that likes to get up early and work out before class or you’d rather sleep the day away, I think we can all agree that classes from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. every day is NOT ideal.

Running into teachers outside of school Whether you lived in a small town or in a big city, we’ve all had awkward encounters running into our teachers on weekends or break. Whether it’s waiting in line at Starbucks, at the grocery store or the movie theater, it can be really disconcerting and totally awkward. Luckily, you’re not going to run into many professors at Leo’s.

The high school cafeteria We all hate on Leo’s now and then, but let’s be honest, it’s 10 times better than your high school cafeteria. Eating bagels or a salad for lunch five days straight is not the most exciting. Even if your cafeteria was really nice (that in itself is miraculous), I bet there was no make-your-own wok or pasta station. And let’s not forget about those omelets.

Standardized tests SATs, ACTs, SATII’s, AMCs, APs, the list of acronyms goes on and on. Yes, you might have to take the MCAT, GRE or LSAT while at Georgetown (good luck with that) but at least you’re not constantly bombarded with school-wide standardized testing.

Limited classes Want to take Italian, Arabic, Film Studies, International Relations and Astrology? Chances are your school didn’t have all of these. You were probably stuck with French or Spanish, and Latin if you were “lucky.” Even the largest high school couldn’t offer everything. My school didn’t have psychology, government or economics — awkward how those are now my major and minors.

Prom drama It’s that season again! If you’ve been at home and have younger siblings (I have two little sisters) you’ve definitely been hearing about all the prom angst. Who is going to ask me? What dress do I wear? What corsage should I get her? How do I rent a tux? Who is hosting after prom? It goes on and on. Luckily for us there isn’t much drama surrounding club formals or Dip Ball. College kids just want to have fun, right?

The uniform/dress code Yes, it was nice to be able to get up in the morning and not think so hard about what you want to wear. But sometimes you just want to roll out of bed in sweats or a tank top or pajamas. Chances are your high school didn’t let you wear those. Leggings didn’t suffice as pants in high school, which is really just a shame. Luckily for the public school kids, they are free to carry on scrubbing it as they always have.

Having friends that live far away Everyone had one friend who lived a couple towns over, or maybe even 45 minutes away. You couldn’t walk down the hall and knock on her door to borrow clothes, a spoon or some soap or to see if he wanted to hang out, watch a movie or go get dinner. The 10 minute walk to LXR seems like an eternity, but you used to have to put in a lot more effort to coordinate with your friends.

So, while I had some great times in high school, and I’m sure you all did too, don’t be fooled by the nostalgia; we all loved high school — sort of — but being at Georgetown is just way better.

Come to Georgetown NOW!

Convince Your Friends“Ahhh you have to come to Georgetown!” – all Georgetown students to all admitted high school students, ever.

But what should you say next to convince this wide-eyed senior that coming here will literally be the best decision of his/her life? As admissions season rolls around, here are some pointers to get your younger friends to spend their next four years on the Hilltop:

summer-fitness-schedule1. You’ll stay healthy here Afraid of gaining the freshman 15? Worried your parents won’t recognize the balloon you’ve become when they see you on Thanksgiving? Never fear, Georgetown is here! Rated one of the healthiest campuses in the U.S., we have enough variety at Leo’s to keep you satisfied (at least until after the transfer deadline), including vegan and gluten free options. Wondering where all your friends ran off to at 4pm on Friday? Try the row of treadmills at Yates. The amount of peer pressure I’ve felt to exercise alone has somehow moved my normally completely sedentary body into semi-motion.

2. You’ll have a great basketball team to root for If you like basketball, this gives you bragging rights with all your friends. If you don’t, you do now. Hoya Saxa! Take them to a basketball game or show them pictures!

3. You’ll learn pretty much everything Georgetown has a pretty extensive core curriculum, which tends to scare students off. But think about the dinner conversations you will be prepared for after studying philosophy, history, theology and math/science (though this is optional for you SFS-ers). EBW-CroppedAs a future diplomat/banker/business-person/other standard post-Georgetown career, you will dazzle other important people with your ability to converse intelligently about … pretty much everything. Tell them all about that amazing gen ed class you took or bring them along to your intensive Arabic recitation.

4. You’ll do cool things with your free time So it may or may not impress you that Georgetown has over 200 clubs and student organizations. What should impress you is the way these clubs and student organizations manifest themselves as part of your life at school. It isn’t just that you play frisbee, or work for The Hoya or participate in debate. It’s that these things are as much a part of your life as school, friends and family are. These people become your family and these activities become places of fun, learning, and relaxation. How you ask? This is the magic of Georgetown. Take them to the waterfront, on the metro, to the Eastern Market or to some great speaker.

Photos: Georgetown University, Sports Illustrated, Georgetown Law, Wikipedia

Friday Fixat10ns: Teen Angst

Friday Fixat10ns: Teen Angst from thehoya on 8tracks.

Summer camps have started to invade the Hilltop. Yep, high schoolers are now trouncing the grounds of our campus, buying frappucinos and other blended drinks at UG and giggling loudly at the new drama. For those of us who have totally forgotten the awkwardness and drama of high school, it’s a blast from the past. So, we’ve prepared some songs to get you ready for the impending invasion of teenagers.

Teen Idle — Marina & the Diamonds Oh, to be a depressed teenager again. This song rocks. (And who doesn’t wish that they were the prom queen?) We totally understand you, Marina.

Eighteen Cool — Hoodie Allen Typical Hoodie. Super clever lyrics, rapping slightly faster than I can rap myself, and a super catchy chorus.

We Are Golden — Mika The first lines sum it all up: “Teenage dreams in a teenage circus, running around like a clown on purpose. Who gives a damn about the family you come from? No giving up when you’re young and you want some!”

Girls and Boys in School — Neon Trees Why is it that all songs about teenagers are both awesome and super angsty at the same time?

When You Were Young — The Killers Whenever an excuse to put up a Killers song on one of these mixes, I take it.

We Are Young — 3OH!3 I had to choose between the two popular songs called “We Are Young.” I decided to go with 3OH!3 because I assumed that more high schoolers have heard this song than the other one. (Although, who knows, the other one was in Glee, I’m told).

Teenage Dream — Katy Perry Which teenage boys do not dream of seeing Katy Perry in the outfit she wore in this music video? That’s the teenage dream right there.

Teen Angst — M83 I may or may not have named this playlist after this song. #sorryimnotsorry

Fifteen — Taylor Swift Technically, I could have used any Taylor Swift song, because they’re all about being a teenager. And because she was a teenager when she wrote them. And because she always talks about teen drama. But this one fitst teenage angst the best.

Pumped Up Kicks — Foster the People No matter how much people like this song, I still insist that this is the most disturbing song about teenagers ever written.