Upcoming GUSA Referendums

gusa referendumsIn case you missed the 25 emails, social media campaign and representatives knocking on your door begging you to vote, GUSA recently held two referendums on the topics of smoking on campus and club funding reform. We here at 4E found this to be a great way of getting a better understanding of the campus climate on some really important issues at Georgetown. So good, in fact, that we would like to propose a couple topics of our own that we think need some serious addressing for the next GUSA Referendum Day.

Without further ado, here are 4E’s proposed GUSA referendums.

Is two naps in one day too many?

You have two hours in between your first and second class. Obviously, you are going to take a nap and catch up on those extra Zs. You finish your last class of the day at 4:45, and you’re still feeling a little groggy from that first nap. You could really go for another one.

You worry, “Will I have enough time to finish my calc problem set?” “Will I ever fall asleep when it is actually time for bed?” The answer to both of those questions is probably no, but you still really want that nap. What do you think Georgetown?

Will this outlet work?

Whether you are studying in the HFSC, Lau, MSB, or any other popular study spot on campus, there is about a 50/50 shot that when you plug your laptop charger into the outlet it will actually work. You would think that with a nearly $70,000 tuition bill, Georgetown would be able to afford electricity.

Anyways, I say we leave it up to the student body to figure out if a given outlet works before going through the grossly disappointing process of unpacking your charger, getting up from your seat, and plugging it in only to find it doesn’t provide the life-giving electricity your laptop so desperately needs.

Do I really need to go to my econ recitation?

You attend all the lectures and you understand all the material. Well, maybe not ALL of it. Ok, honestly, probably none of it. But still, your recitation is at 7 p.m. on a Thursday night all the way in Walsh. AND it’s kinda cold out. I think the only way to get a valid answer is for the entire student body to weigh in on this decision.

Can we burn Lau to the ground?

Ok, I know technically this is arson, but I am pretty sure it’s what everyone wants. Lau defies the popular adage, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Not only is it ugly on the outside, but also ugly on the inside. It is also where most, if not all, dreams go to die. What do you guys think?

Make sure to keep an eye out for the next series of 25 emails from GUSA about upcoming referendums. You might just see one of these pressing matters on the ballot!

Gifs: giphy.com

2016 Presidential Nominees As GUSA Presidents

Banner - 2016 GUSABy this point, we are all well aware of who this year’s presidential nominees will be. Like ’em or not, barring some extreme circumstance or ~political revolution~, either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be moving into prime D.C. real estate early next year.

The average Georgetown student is pretty politically savvy, but for those of us who aren’t, 4E has created a guide to the nominees by making them a little more relevant to Georgetown. Here are what the candidates’ platforms and personas would be if they were running for Georgetown University Student Association President instead:

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The Likely Democratic Nominee, Hillary Clinton:

  • Creation of a new email system. Google Apps was glitchy, anyways.
  • Officially recognize H*yas for Choice.
  • Someone will tell her to lower tuition, and she will give in.
  • The number of Georgetown students getting Wall Street internships will increase tenfold.
  • Public Safety Alerts about attacks on students may disappear mysteriously.
  • Incentivize more speakers to come to campus by paying them hundreds of thousands of dollars.
  • Jack the Bulldog will wear a pantsuit.hillsuits
  • The front gates remain open.
  • If GUASFCU fails, it must be bailed out.
  • GUSA Vice President will get into battles on Facebook with opposing campaigns.
  • #1 Customer of The Corp, yet has a problem with the way it operates.
  • Already had a seat in her classes before the class primaries (i.e. pre-registration).

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The Presumptive Republican Nominee, Donald Trump:

  • Studying abroad in any country that participates in international trade deals is no longer allowed.
  • Build a giant wall around campus, and close the front gates.
  • Somehow gets all of his classes during preregistration, stunning even the registrar.
  • Will apply for financial aid, then default on his student loans.
  • New Corp storefronts: a casino, a vineyard and a steakhouse.
  • His possible Vice Presidential nominee may close the Key Bridge.
  • Model UN will receive no funding and be removed from CSE budgets.
  • The entire campus is a free speech zone.
  • Shut down the Qatar campus and relocate it to Tel Aviv.
  • Repeal and replace the student insurance waiver.
  • Will actually enforce the 100% ID check on GUTS buses.
  • Will cut tuition and funding for campus news outlets (Dishonest media!)
  • Attack Villanova hard and fast. They have been beating us badly, folks.trumpdunk

Perhaps this will help you make your decision, or it might have just frustrated/annoyed/perplexed/(insert your feeling here) you, but in any case, just remember to VOTE!

Note: Neither The Hoya nor The Fourth Edition officially endorses candidates for political office or otherwise.

Photos/Gifs: reddit.com, giphy.com

GUSA Town Hall Drinking Game

Banner - GUSA gameThis is your official notice that the GUSA Town Hall happening tonight is actually going to be interesting. A write-in ticket has announced that it will hold an alternative town hall. More importantly, Hot Chick and Chicken Madness will be at the university-sanctioned town hall to answer your questions. Sandwiches will present at a town hall meeting. Sandwiches will speak.

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If there were ever a campaign season that necessitated drinking, it’s this year’s GUSA debacle. Here are the rules that will help get you through tonight’s town hall:

Drink if

  • Someone claiming to be a translator brings a Hot Chick and a Chicken Madness
  • You learn the name(s) of candidate(s) who have already dropped out
  • You learn the name(s) of candidate(s) who are still in the running
  • Someone mentions “Diversity though inclusion”
  • A candidate acts like he or she can “fix” the campus plan
  • Todd Olson comes up
  • Chris promises to be “inclusive”
  • Hot Chick declares that the use of hoverboards is a natural right
  • Someone mentions Aramark and/or its contract with the university
  • The counter-town hall ticket shows up
  • Anyone name drops an administrator like they’re old friends

Finish your drink if

  • Someone uses the term “Crenushe”
  • Crenushe breaks into this song about bridges
  • Trump won’t come because he thinks Megyn Kelly will be there

Take flaming shot if

  • A candidate accuses Enushe of receiving funding from Goldman Sachs

Pour one out if

  • Someone steals a bite out of any of the candidates

Streak in the snow from one town hall to the other if

  • Georgetown Academy attends wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask

Experience the impending hilarity in the HFSC great room. Or you can follow the Hoya’s twitter account, @thehoya for live updates.

Photos: facebook.com, pbs.org

2 Chicks, 1 Georgetown: An Interview with the Sandwiches Behind It All

12654225_1397592526934586_2076489336744658532_nWith the GUSA elections heating up, both on and off the griddle, two sandwiches seem to have taken the campus by storm as they continue to rally a surprising amount of support amongst students.  Considered the Holy Grail by all who have had the pleasure of gracing Wisemiller’s fine establishment, it’s clear that this fan favorite ticket has the potential to spice things up this election season.  As many students are left salivating at the thought of two sandwiches overseeing student affairs, they are also left wondering just how the sandwich plans to change campus life for the better.  Fortunately, the sandwiches behind the campaign agreed to grant 4E an ~exclusive~ interview for an inside look at their vision for a tastier Georgetown.

School administrators’ reactions every time they realize they can’t eat the student body president at GUSA meetings

Why did you choose to put Hot Chick up for President and Chicken Madness for VP this year?
As we have previously stated, it’s 2016. It’s about time the Chick came first. With all due respect to Madness’s reliability as a sandwich, we believe Hot Chick, with her bold paprika-based flavor, is more than capable of leading GUSA.

Does Hot Chick’s hotness impact her ability to govern at all?
Absolutely not, in fact her zest and full-bodied flavor are assets that we intend to leverage to bring flavor back to the Hilltop. Her attractiveness does not and should not have any impact on her ability to govern. She’s an accomplished, flavorful and beloved sandwich. That is what matters in this race. Not her looks (which are to die for).

On a similar note: why does Hot Chick have to be “hot?” Can’t we just call her “beautiful” to fight sexism on campus?
Chicks are hot in all sorts of ways. Hot Chick owns her hotness and recognizes that. Our vision for Georgetown is one where everyone can embrace and own their hotness.

How can you expect to be taken seriously when you’re constantly flip flopping on the grill?
We’re not flip-flopping per se, we’re just getting used to the heat the top job brings. Let’s just say, we’re used to getting grilled. And on that note, our only hope is that the GUSA election committee doesn’t discriminate against well-seasoned chicken when they want to deny us entry into the debate. We do, after all, have more people attending our election-event than another well-known ticket.

Can you talk a bit about the general lack of diversity on your ticket as you’re both pieces of white meat?
If I could make an observation, our ticket contains (in no particular order) poultry meat, onions, bacon, peppers, tomatoes, peppercorn dressing, bread and numerous other ingredients. Far from just being “white meat.” And, as we are all well aware, the color of one’s meat does not determine one’s ability to lead.

If your goal is to make Georgetown more inclusive, how will you accommodate the vegetarians?
We totally embrace the idea that you can make any number of substitutions to your order. Anything on our menu is up for changes — tell us exactly how you want it, and we will deliver (and by deliver, we mean pick up for carry out).

We noticed that The Georgetown Academy recently endorsed your campaign on their blog, how do you feel about this?
While we do go by the adage, “all press is good press”, we want to emphasize that our platform is built on one of inclusion and diversity. No one at this school should feel discriminated against or harassed because they chose not to get onions on their sandwich, or wanted a gluten-free option. Those are not the ideals that this school was founded upon. Although we appreciate their support, our vision for Georgetown is very much different from the one that they espouse.

Finally, for our readers who want to support your ticket, will you be accepting Flex dollars as campaign contributions?
We pride ourselves on being the only campaign that is self-funded. However for every $7.95 that you donate we will be giving out free sandwiches of your choice as a token of our gratitude for your support.

Feel like you’ve been swayed by the chicks’ deliciousness?  Don’t forget to vote in the GUSA election next Thursday!

Photo/Gif: facebook.com, giphy.com

Mr. Georgetown: Who is the Real Prince Charming?

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The Fourth Edition is pleased to present to you, the 2015 Mr. Georgetown Pageant contestants. This year, The Mr. Georgetown Pageant’s theme is Cinderfella and the Disney Princes.

Will they be like this?

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Or more like this?

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You be the judge. Let’s meet the boys:

Deep Dheri- MR. GUGS

Deep

Hometown: Montville, NJ
School: MSB
Major: Finance & Accounting

What do you love most about your organization? The weekly GUGS grill is the happiest part of my week, every week. From rolling the 150 pounds of raw meat to serving the freshman (or senior) who’s never had a juicy GUGS burger, along with all of the conversations and cornhole that occurs in between, makes for a perfect Friday afternoon.

What is your most beautiful feature? My naturally long and voluminous eyelashes.

What is your spirit animal? Duck. I’m cool, calm and collected on the surface but paddling ferociously under the water.

Joe Luther- MR. GUSA

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Hometown: My hometown is River Forest, Illinois. I know because I edited its Wikipedia page one time.
School: What college am I in? I’m in the college.
Major: I am a government major with minors in psychology and sociology, respectively.

What do you love most about your organization? That I can take as many napkins as I want from Chipotle and no one says anything.

What is your most beautiful feature? That my organs all work together like a high school football team before the big game.

What is your favorite song to sing? “The Charge of the Light Brigade” by Alfred Lord Tennyson

Connor Rohan- MR. IMPROV

Connor

Hometown: I’m from Delmar, NY, which is a hamlet in the town of Bethlehem which is a suburb of Albany, NY which is the capital and 6th largest city in New York State. Albany is also known for being one of the least friendly cities in the world.
School: Georgetown College
Major: Government and English

What do you love most about your organization? I love that improv teaches me to flawlessly navigate a testimony before a grand jury without getting caught up in my lies and being sent to prison. Thanks to the Georgetown Improv Association, I’ll never have to pay for my wicked deeds and die in a six by eight foot concrete cell. Thanks, Improv!

What is your most beautiful feature? If Dove advertisements have taught me anything, it’s that everyone is beautiful. It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside. it’s what’s inside that counts. Black or white, male or female, young or old, short or tall, you are beautiful! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! That being said, probably my legs and ass.

What is your favorite song to sing? My band in high school (Rutnik Family Clambake) used to play Whats Up by 4 Non Blondes a lot. We won a talent competition with it once. Very fun song to sing.

Josh Tsung- MR. AASA

Josh

Hometown: Fairfax, VA. But I go home often to the motherland (Taiwan).
School: College
Major: Economics

What do you love most about your organization? I love many things about AASA (Asian American Student Association)- from the events they host to the people in it. The best thing about AASA is that it’s a family- one that brings everyone in as their own, makes you feel comfortable, and creates the culture you want to be a part of when you’re here at Georgetown. Everyone gets along well, jokes around with one another, and we literally do everything together! It’s awesome, I wouldn’t it trade it for the world.

What is your most beautiful feature? People always compliment my butt. But I want to say my most beautiful feature is my smile :)

What is your favorite song to sing? I usually don’t know any lyrics to songs but among the few songs I do know the lyrics to, it’d be a toss up between Wannabe- Spice Girls and Where is the Love- Black Eyed Peas. Anything throwback is a go!

Edwin Lopez- MR. IRC

Edwin

Hometown: El Paso, Texas / Ciudad Juárez, Chihuahua (#borderlands).
School: School of Foreign Service
Major: Regional and Comparative Studies between Latin America & Eastern Europe, concentrating on post-violence state development.

What do you love most about your organization? It’s a community of people who love the world! Everyone has a different focus, subject matter, aspiration, etc. I met most of my academic mentors here, and got to participate in fun crisis-simulations, hear ambassadors speak, and be constantly reminded that it is possible to change the world for the better. It was all I wanted Georgetown to be my first few years, and I appreciate the IRC for welcoming me with open arms.

What is your most beautiful feature? I’ve been told it’s my smile, but I rarely look at the mirror and smile at myself, so how about you smile at me next time you’re in Red Square, and I’ll smile back?

What is your spirit animal? Dog (Bichon Frise) – according to the American Kernel Club, the Bichon Frise is “”gentle mannered, sensitive, playful and affectionate,” loves human company, and are bred to be companion dogs.

 

 John Whitmore- MR. NHS ACADEMIC COUNCIL

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Hometown: I come from Cleveland, Ohio! I love everything Ohio!
School: NHS
Major: Human Science/Pre Med

What do you love most about your organization? Margot Keale. And the close-knit nature of our community of students and professors. From dinners with the faculty to unforgettable events like Fall Ball (shameless plug), the Nhs academic Council is always seeking to foster these unique NHS relationships. Over the last three years, my greatest student mentors (see you guys there!) at Georgetown have come from this Council, and I want to make all of them proud next week on stage! We also have a killer ratio that would deff get us into Brown House.

What is your most beautiful feature? My body. A smile that was made for selfies. #georgetownstories. Also, I’m humble as fuck.

What is your spirit animal? Sober: Rusty the Dachshund Rusty the Narcoleptic dog; Drunk: Ariana Grande (or at least I try to be)

Sam Wilkins- MR. RELAY FOR LIFE

Sam
Hometown: Sellersville, Pennsylvania
School: College
Major: Government/Theology double Major

What do you love most about your organization? The people. Through Relay For Life, I have met some of the most passionate, dedicated, and energetic people at Georgetown. From the times I make a total fool of myself at bonding events to the moments when I open up about my Mom’s battle with cancer–I know these people will always be there for me, and will never stop fighting for a cure.

What is your most beautiful feature? My disproportionately large butt…thanks Dad.

What is your favorite song to sing? “Paradise By the Dashboard Lights” by Meat Loaf.

Bryn Bogan- MR. NSO

Bryn

Hometown: Chesapeake City, Maryland
School: College
Major: Government (really original, I know)

What do you love most about your organization? There truly isn’t anything else at Georgetown as uplifting as the Saturday of move-in when you walk around campus and see yourself surrounded by smiling parents and slightly embarrassed but equally excited new students being guided to their residence halls and various other offices by OAs and other NSO staff. Never before have I experienced something in which so many people from various backgrounds and communities on the Hilltop come together under one mission quite in the same way as NSO.

What is your most beautiful feature? I mean, have you seen my hair…?

What is your favorite song to sing? I’m going to cheat and say three: 1) Wake Me Up – Avicii (NSO 2013), 2) Shower – Becky G (NSO 2014), 3) Love Myself – Hailee Steinfeld (NSO 2015)

Rob DePaolo- MR. THE HOYA

Rob

Hometown: New Rochelle, New York
School: College
Major: History major and Italian minor

What do you love most about your organization? I’d have to say I love the people most. Producing a paper twice a week is really tough, but part of the reason I enjoyed it so much is I did it with a group of people I now consider great friends. Working hard but having fun at the same time was hard to do, but we struck a balance and made a lot of memories in the process.

What is your most beautiful feature? I’d have to say my hands. They’re very dainty and smaller than one would expect for my size. It catches people off guard, but they’re still quite elegant. Perhaps, like George Costanza, I could be a hand model.

What is your spirit animal? The river otter is what I identify with — I love a good romp.

Kevin Tian- MR. CLUB VOLLEYBALL

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Hometown: Acton, MA
School: MSB
Major: CS and Finance

What do you love most about your organization? My teammates. We have an interesting arrangement of crazy personalities, but they’re all great guys who know how to work hard, have fun and stick together through tough times.

What is your most beautiful feature? My smile.

What is your favorite song to sing? That changes everyday and depends on the mood, but I’m feling “All I Do” by Majid Jordan at the moment.

Matt Fried- MR. ULTIMATE FRISBEE

Matt

Hometown: Ashland, KY
School: College
Major: Government

What do you love most about your organization? Ultimate was the first family I found at Georgetown.  They’ve always been there for me and always will be.

What is your most beautiful feature? I have an eye of the beholder.

What is your favorite song to sing? It’s tough to beat Gwen Stefani’s classic “Hollaback Girl.” B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Walter Kelly- MR. BLACK STUDENT ALLIANCE

Walter

Hometown: Linwood, NJ
School: College
Major: English and minoring in Film and Media Studies

What do you love most about your organization? I love the strong sense of community that the BSA builds. Meetings are always thought provoking and engaging, social gatherings feel like family reunions and everyone in the BSA knows how to turn up!!!

What is your most beautiful feature? It’s a tie between my creative spirit and my left eyebrow.

What is your spirit animal? James Earl Jones’s voice.

James Davis- MR. RUNNING CLUB

James

Hometown: Gainesville, FL
School: College
Major: Biology (Pre-Med)

What do you love most about your organization? It’s so tough to pick just one thing, but I’d have to say that I love that GRC is open to all levels of ability. There’s no tryout, audition, or application, so it’s open to anyone, and we have some people who come once a month just to hang out with the group, and others who train 6 days a week with us and travel and compete. This creates a really unique team atmosphere that’s pretty tough to beat. It facilitates friendships like no other, and it also reminds a lot of people who may have gotten caught up in the stress of competition in high school how to really enjoy running again.

What is your most beautiful feature? A girl once told me, “Your eyes are like the Pacific Ocean, and I want to swim in them,” so maybe my eyes.

What is your spirit animal? I always have a hard time with this question…I’d probably have to go with a gator. Chomp chomp.

Maurice McCaulley- MR. ALPHA PHI OMEGA

Maurice
Hometown: Huntsville, AL
School: SFS
Major:Culture and Politics (CULPie)

What do you love most about your organization? SERVICE! being able to serve with the diverse DC community has been really rewarding. I pledged because of the service and I stayed because of service and the amazing friends I made.

What is your most beautiful feature? I love making other people laugh! I really think laughing is an aphrodiasic and if more people laughed the world would be a better place. With that, I have a killer smile (as Tyra woudl say I got the smize down).

What is your spirit animal? Hands down, no question: White Tiger…. did you know that white tigers are genetically mutated and while EXTREMELY beautiful they live most days in pain because their brains are too big for their skulls? Beauty is pain, I guess. I feel, just like the white tiger, I am too beautiful for this world.

Neal Chaudhuri- MR. ESCAPE

Neal

Hometown: Arlington, VA
School: College
Major: Biology

What do you love most about your organization? ESCAPE is a place where people ask, “How are you doing?” and they actually want to hear the answer. There is so much less pressure to say “good” or “well,” especially if you are not feeling great.  Freshman year, I thought I had to convince so many people at Georgetown that I had it all together. I didn’t want people to see me as vulnerable or struggling to adjust to this new environment. On ESCAPE, hearing about and connecting to other students’ experiences allowed me to feel less alone at Georgetown. That is what I and all other ESCAPE leaders hope to provide: a place where first-year students can feel vulnerable, feel valued, and can eat as many s’mores as they want. One of the greatest lessons I learned through ESCAPE is that my vulnerability is my strength, and I am forever grateful to be a part of this program.

What is your most beautiful feature? I have a mutant white hair on my right arm. It grows longer than all my other arm hairs.

What is your favorite song to sing? “Lose Control” by Missy Elliott.

Chris Rom- MR. GERMS

Chris
Hometown: Arlington, VA
School: College
Major: Chemistry

What do you love most about your organization? Helping people in the Georgetown community when they really need it is immensely gratifying, especially since I have the privilege to work with the other awesome members of GERMS while doing so.

What is your most beautiful feature? The shining aura of my positivity.

What is your favorite song to sing? GERMS only has a siren song (lol, top joke that Mr. GUSA), which I can’t quite sing, so I have to split between “Shower” by Becky G and “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey, parts of my NSO 2014 and GRC heritage.

Ed Crotty- MR. PHANTOMS

Ed

Hometown:Cleveland, Ohio
School: MSB
Major: Finance and Accounting

What do you love most about your organization? If I had to pick just one thing I’d say it’s how much I’ve learned from other Phantoms. Since I entered the group over 3 years ago I’ve been surrounded by some of the most talented musicians and people I’ve ever met. Becoming close to them has helped me grow so much as a vocalist and has pushed me to become more involved in other areas on campus, and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. Well, maybe I’d trade it for the Crown of Mr. Georgetown…

What is your most beautiful feature? My doctor once told me that I had a really nice uvula.

What is your spirit animal? My dog, Amber. She’s basically me if I had no inhibitions. And was colorblind. And was a dog.

Randy Puno- MR. CLUB FILIPINO

Randy

Hometown: Manila, Philippines
School: College
Major: Economics

What do you love most about your organization? We eat so much food. Like literally we’re always eating. I cannot begin to imagine how many sacks of rice and cans of spam I’ve devoured over the last 3 years. We eat a ridiculous amount of food. But in all seriousness, Club Filipino is one big family. I can’t imagine my Georgetown experience without my super funny, ultra-werid, and genuinely great group of CF kapatids.

What is your most beautiful feature? Probably my eyebrows, I have been known to make them do the wave at parties.

What is your favorite song to sing? Anything by Walk the Moon.

Spencer Crawford- MR. TRIATHLON

Spencer
Hometown: I’m from a small city called Maumee in the great state of Ohio.
School: School of Foreign Service
Major: I’m studying STIA with a concentration in Biotechnology and Global Health and I’m pursuing a certificate in Religion, Ethics, and World Affairs.

What do you love most about your organization? I love that the captains still consider me a part of the team despite having attended 0 swim practices. Ever.

What is your most beautiful feature? In general, I’m a pretty optimistic person, probably as the result of my mom’s boundless positivity. I’d say my best feature is being able to glean the positive out of almost any situation.

What is your spirit animal? Without a doubt, I am a baboon.

Which prince has stolen your heart? Buy your tickets while you can and be sure to make it to the show this Friday Oct. 9 at 7pm.

Who Will Be the Next Mr. Georgetown?

5 Types of People Running for GUSA Senate

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It’s October, and you know what that means. It’s that time of year when the real issues begin to be discussed, when world-class leaders petition for our support. Campaign season is upon us, and the New South/VCW District is feeling the heat. 4E has exhaustively analyzed the various campaigns, and has broken down the candidate’s qualifications and positions on the issues in order to help you make your decision today.

  1. The Future President

obama

Platform: This person doesn’t care about Georgetown, the issues or you. This is merely another stepping stone in their path to the Oval Office that began in 5th grade. If elected, their first act of business will be to organize a committee to discuss how best to make “Freshman Dorm Representative” sound good on a resume.

Last seen: In a suit, giving weirdly firm handshakes to other freshmen.

Supporters: 

  • Their parents
  • Future Secretaries of State
  • Members of the 2024-2028 cabinet

Detractors: 

  • Future Vice Presidents
  • Anyone within 15 years of their age
  • Their parents, when they don’t win
  1. The One who Actually Cares

white anglo saxon

Platform: Social justice, all bathrooms become gender-neutral.

Last seen: Painstakingly drawing out handmade signs when everyone else just prints them out.

Strengths: 

  • Ability to appear in any room whenever the word “privilege” is used
  • Being raised in an upper-middle class white family
  • Multiple ethnic friends

Weaknesses: 

  • Hasn’t actually taken an African-American studies class
  1. The Cool Dude

zefron neighbours

Platform: Booze. Lots of it

Strengths:

  • Charisma
  • Actually very strong. Rumored to bench anywhere between 330 and 550 depending on how much you say you can bench
  • Good Jawline
  • Excellent Hair
  • Still has suit from that basketball dinner

Weaknesses: 

  • Refers to New South as “Zoo South”
  • Campaign posters are just dick drawings which, while funny, wont get him the same kind of broad support he enjoys on NS2 where, according to our sources, he’s “a legend”

Last seen:

  • Coming out of that girl you like’s room at 2 a.m.

Supporters:

  • Basically everyone, because who doesn’t like school-sponsored keggers.

Detractors:

  • The Living Well LLC
  • Lame RA’s
  • Other NARPs
  1. The Panderer

all ur dreams

Platform: Free food all the time everywhere. Not only off-campus meal plans, out-of-state meal plans. Everything is free. Electric bill? Free. Will fix everything freshmen complain about during NSO. Like that time you ran for middle school council but got beaten by the kid who promised kool-aid water fountains.

Last seen: Staggering under the pile of 15 pizzas he promised for his campaign event

Supporters:

  • Freshmen who haven’t yet had the hope beaten out of them

Detractors:

  • Anyone with actual experience dealing with any kind of administration

Campaign Slogan: With great power comes no accountability

ann perkins shrug

  1. The Serial Advertiser

don draper wink

Platform: Who knows. All we know is that he needs to stop.

Campaign strategy: Post at least 3 times a day on the GAAP Facebook group, each time prefacing his pitch with an apologetic “I know you guys are tired of these, but . . .”

Last seen: Furiously trying to think of rhymes for his first name

Supporters:

  • His multiple Facebook friends that promise he’s “a really chill dude with lots of great ideas”

Detractors:

  • Pretty much everyone, but ends up winning from third choice votes, purely through name recognition

So, whatever your choice, remember that participating in democracy is one of the most important things we can do for our country. Now go out there and make your voice heard!

#kanye2020

Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com; tumblr.com; sheknows.com

Connor Rohan Wrote a Play!

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GUSA vice president, improv extraordinaire and rumored Georgetown Heckler contributor strikes again: this time with a play at the esteemed Kennedy Center.

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Connor Rohan (COL ’16) definitely has a way with words. His latest piece is a play about opiates and the Taliban, featured, with free admission, at the Kennedy Center on Sept. 7 at 8 p.m.

While we aren’t sure if the play is satire or serious, this award-winning show, titled “Pandemopium,” is sure to be entertaining, as it was penned by literally the coolest guy on campus.

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The official description of the event:
Pandemopium
By: Connor Rohan
Directed by: Maya E. Roth

A small opium poppy farm straddles the base of a mountain in Afghanistan’s rural Kandahar Province. Under threat of destruction by a rootin’-tootin’ Afghan Lieutenant, landowner Ashraf Amini’s poppies can only be saved with the resurrection of a dead Talib and opium trafficker. With the Taliban demanding a harvest, Ashraf has no choice but to transform a seemingly impossible problem. Fast-paced, complex and thrilling, this startling play dramatizes the impossible situation of an opium farmer squeezed between the Afghan Army and the Taliban. Winner of the Donn B. Murphy One-Acts Award, Pandemopium fuses drama and comedy, poetry and politics. Developed in Georgetown’s Hope Playwriting Seminar taught by Christine Evens. Followed by post-performance discussion. Drama/Comedy. [Terrace Gallery] [Cursing, drug and alcohol abuse, violence, mature themes]

See you there, Hoyas!

Photo: Facebook.com; reactiongif.org/

The New York Times is Back!

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A few weeks ago, 4E let you know that the free New York Times subscription was suddenly halted. Since this was just before the start of the semester, naturally every crazed student panicked.

Well, we are here to tell you today that the subscription is back. Yes, that mean you can access The New York Times with a valid Georgetown email.

All the instructions can be found here. 4E is so happy that we have this access back again!

Thanks for the news about the news, GUSA.

Photos/Gifs: blog.thehoya.com

So Long, New York Times! For Now.

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Say it ain’t so!

As many of you avid readers on the Hilltop may have noticed, Georgetown’s New York Times Academic Pass subscription has recently expired. As of now, when you try to login to get your daily dose of what’s happening in the world, you’re redirected to a page informing you that your email address is not eligible.

"You don't even go here." —NYT
“You don’t even go here.”
—NYT

GUSA purchased this subscription in September of last year as a short-term fix to the university’s lack of world news access problem, after the print Collegiate Readership Program was cut. GUSA members mentioned that with this purchase they were trying to broaden Hoyas’ online news sources, providing a strong alternative to websites like Buzzfeed and Huffington Post.

Georgetown students’ access to this prime world news source is critically important to a large portion of the student body who actually care more about politics than what dress Kim Kardashian is wearing today. Having free access to the New York Times was a major Georgetown perk and extremely useful for both those who just want to remain informed and those who needed the articles for scholarly reasons.

The word on the street is that GUSA is still waiting to hear back from the Graduate Student Organization in regards to obtaining new funding to renew the subscription. Let’s hope our more senior Hoyas understand the necessity of the New York Times and help to renew the subscription soon. Until then, there’s always The Hoya…

Photos/Gifs: nytimes.com, imgur.com, myubiquity.com

GUSA Executive Campaign Logo Is A Snapchat Geofilter

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While some Georgetown students rapidly dashed off campus Friday to begin the joy that is spring break, many of us (*sob*) are still stranded amongst the snow. But, just when you were worrying we were going to have a boring Friday night, up popped this new geofilter for Georgetown on Snapchat.

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An example of a not very good snapchat

 

Most Hoyas will recognize this as the campaign slogan of two candidates,Sara Margolis (COL ’16) and Ryan Shymansky (COL ’16), in this year’s GUSA Executive Race…the results of which were announced on February 20.

What has happened? Did Snapchat suddenly find out about the exciting (and controversial) nature of the GUSA race? Were they just a bit behind? Or is this part of a wider conspiracy on the part of Sara and Ryan, hoping to somehow overthrow Joe Luther and Conor Rohan, the recently elected GUSA President and VP, by gathering a rebellion of students powerfully moved by the new geofilter?

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Sadly, it seems that none of the above are anywhere close to an explanation. According to a status posted by Sara herself on Facebook, the campaign team had asked Snapchat to use it as a geofilter during the campaign itself (makes sense), but for some reason, despite having rejected it at the time, Snapchat has now decided to use it. And not just for Georgetown – our sources tell us that it’s popping up in Chinatown and other parts of DC as well.

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But who cares why it’s here? Let’s just enjoy the fact it is. After all, it’s a pretty good graphic (shoutout to designer Martin De Leon). Happy Snapchatting, Hoyas!