A Guide to Fulfilling New Year’s Goals Quickly

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If you don’t make resolutions this New Years, you probably aren’t missing out. Not many people actually fulfill these often lofty or vague goals. Why? They set themselves up for failure. In order to achieve your resolutions, you ought to completely devote yourself to the cause. We at 4E have some suggestions on how to get some common resolutions accomplished, pronto:

home alone new years

  1. “Time to lose ten pounds”

How-to: chop off your non-dominant arm, get a significant haircut or stop going to Epi at 3 a.m. on the weekends!

chopped arm

  1. “I need to raise my GPA by .2”

How-to: avoid taking classes with harsh curves, stop studying on Lau 2 or transfer to a school without grade deflation!

  1. “I want to meet more people and be more social”

How-to: forgo the above goal, get to know your Uber driver (they’re all really cool) or claim ownership of a popular, non-embarassing Georgetown Confession!

  1. “I want to spend less of my money”

How-to: quit your job (you can’t spend money you don’t have), swipe into Leo’s once and stay there for multiple meals or “borrow” a parent’s credit card!

money shower
No – Don’t do this
  1. “I want to spend less time on social media”

How-to: deactivate your iPhone and go back to that flip phone that’s been under your bed for years, stop following DJ Khaled on Snapchat or unlike the Georgetown Confessions page.

Major key: delete him on snapchat
Major key: delete him on snapchat
  1. “Time to get that six-pack”

How-to: break up with Ben and/or Jerry, stop complaining about the uphill walk to Yates and start complaining about the uphill run to Yates or buy one if you’re 21+.

 

Best of luck reaching your goals in 2016!

 

Photos/Gifs: rantlifestyle.com, giphy.com

How to Get a Great Internship

Stressed-Out-College-Student-at-computer

Break out your suits and resume folders because it’s time to find an internship. Perhaps you don’t know how to format your resume or even where to begin? If you want to get offers from your favorite employers, you must set yourself apart from the rest.

So what if Susie has a 4.0? You have personality, and that’s what big companies are looking for. Here’s an example of the ideal resume below:

THIS IS MY RESUME       
173 Harbin Hall, Washington, DC 20057; 555-555-5555
(I’m not the best at picking up calls so shoot me a text)

EDUCATION

Georgetown University, Washington, DC
Cumulative GPA: Cura Personalis, right?
Major: Computer Science (I haven’t taken a class but I think I like technology and all that so it should be easy)
High School Cumulative GPA: 4.00 (Yup, high school was pretty much my academic peak. I still keep this on my resume to prove that I am smart.)

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

  • Successfully skipped my 8:00 am Problem of God class 4 Fridays in a row and still got an A. (I can’t let class disrupt my thirsty Thursday festivities)
  • Cumulatively stole 43 chocolate chip cookies, 30 apples and 5 pounds of Special K cereal from Leo’s in one year.
  • Once fit 178 practice problems on a half-page formula sheet for my finance midterm. (#Aced it)

SKILLS

  • Franzia connoisseur. (I can smell the difference between Sunset Blush and White Zinfandel from a mile away. They have quite distinct aromas. If you swish the Sunset Blush around in your red solo cup you can almost smell the oak.)
  • Ask me to sing any Taylor Swift song and I’ll know the lyrics.

PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

  • Photographer (My Instagram has 100 followers)
  • Model (My aforementioned Instagram account only consists of selfies)

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

  • GU(random letter I forget)A, Social Chair
    • I threw really great parties. (I’m not really sure what the organization actually does though. I haven’t been to many of the meetings.)
  • Freshman Class Committee, Chair                                                                                    
    • Yeah we didn’t really do anything.
    • Planed social and philanthropic events to unite 7,636 undergraduate students and better the Georgetown community.
    • Managed and allocated $2,000 of funding during the 2013- 2014 academic year.

TECHNICAL & LANGUAGE SKILLS

  • Excel, PowerPoint, Microsoft Word (I’m really technologically advanced, hence the Computer Science Major)
  • Spanish (I took it in high school and remember how to say the important things, like enchilada)

So there you have it, Hoyas. Just follow our ready-to-go resume example above, and you’ll never need to visit the Career Center ever again!

Photo: sudikeff.ucla.edu

Finals: As Told By “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”

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As the week winds to an end, and the study days disappear (seriously, come back), it’s inevitable that we will all soon be facing the doom of finals.  In order to provide you with a preview of the week’s worth of misery and solitude you will soon subject yourself to in a lonely little Lau cubicle, 4E has compiled a list of our favorite gifs from the Netflix hit The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Because hey, you might as well describe one of the worst things ever with some of the best moments from our favorite motley crew… it might even dull the pain (disclaimer: nothing can dull the pain).

Finals, as told by Kimmy Schmidt and friends:

When your friends ask you if you’ve started to study for your Econ final that’s in 2 days.

So you decide to pack your entire life up and seek out a little Lau cubicle which will become your home for the next 48 hours. But not matter how much you try, it will still be as drab and uninviting as ever.

It’s time to get to work, so you crack open your text book for the first time of the entire semester.

After reaching for your 5th cup of coffee from Midnight, you start to realize that no matter how long you stare at your problem set it just won’t sink in.

But then you remember that nothing can stop you.  Not even evil professors who are definitely out to ruin your GPA and future career prospects.

Things still aren’t sinking in though, so you decide to actually attend your TA’s office hours on Lau 2 and you end up leaving understanding something.

In honor of your period of enlightenment, you decide to take a study break with your friends. They continue to complain about their exams and you’re all like:

After 15 minutes 2 hours, you decide to get back to work.  But studying isn’t going well, so you start to get a bit defensive. 

Then you finally catch a glimpse of yourself after spending hours on hours curled up in your cubicle home. What is sunlight?!

Seriously though, what is sunlight?  The only light you know at this point comes from the fluorescent lights that are giving you a migraine. You know no world outside of Lau. 

After 18 consecutive hours spent in Lau, you inevitably have to decide between sleep and food. You naturally try to multitask.

Before you know it, it’s the morning of your exam so you of course give yourself a pre-exam pep talk!

But then you walk into the exam room and all you can think is:

The proctor distributes the exam and you realize, after looking at the first question, that you might actually understand some of this.

You end up leaving the exam feeling confident, and you realize that despite all the torture that you’re still unbreakable.

But then, of course, you realize that you have another exam and paper due tomorrow so it looks like it’s back to Lau!

Best of luck this finals season, Hoyas.  Just remember, if the mole women could survive living in a bunker for 15 years under the supervision of Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, then you can definitely handle a week of endless exams.

photos/gifs: imgur.com, buzzfeed.com, tumblr.com, thats-normal.com, huffingtonpost.com, photobucket.com, nerdophiles.com, broadwayworld.com