4E’s Guide To Maintenance Requests

The beginning of the school year means a lot of things: new faces on campus, new classes, expensive textbooks, and huge spiders crawling through a crack in your Henle’s windows.

Thanks to Georgetown Facilities for a tradition unlike any other — the semester-long battle for attention and repairs.

But don’t worry! Keep reading for 4E’s helpful 12-step program that’ll bring ‘ol Ron from maintenance right to your door:

1. Make a normal complaint on the Georgetown maintenance website.

2. After the expected lack of response, call (202) 687-3432. Is it maintenance’s phone number? No. They don’t have one listed. But I’m betting that custodial will redirect you to someone in our favorite elusive department.

3. Still nothing? Time to pull out every Georgetown student’s secret weapon: entitlement! Get your parents to start calling — and if they don’t threaten to halt their annual donation, they’re not trying hard enough.

4. Stop by the maintenance department and just cry. Don’t say anything; just bawl for at least 15 minutes. But don’t forget to stop for a quick sec around the 7-minute mark to clearly state your name and room number.

5. Go to Safeway (or Whole Foods – refer to step 3) and purchase flour, corn syrup, and a basic pack of food coloring. Mix 2 drops of red food coloring, 1 drop of blue and 1 drop of green together. Add a teaspoon of flour and 1 tablespoon of corn syrup.

6. Break shower head.

7. Apply mixture made in Step 5 to hair.

8. Document head “wound”.

9. Double down on your previous efforts, sending news of both the broken shower head and the resulting injury.

10. Wait for the knock on your door

12.  After maintenance fixes the shower head, demand a walk-through of the apartment, and detail every single flaw. Ask for cell phone numbers. Make follow-up appointments.

Hit up that maintenance worker’s cell anytime you have a problem!

So, really? It’s just networking.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

Things I Saw On The Paris Metro

After a lovely summer abroad in Paris, France, I am back in my even lovelier home state, New Jersey. While I often frequent New York City, I definitely am much more accustomed to the suburban lifestyle (i.e. using cars as my main method of transportation). With that in mind, my six weeks of relying exclusively on the metro (and sometimes sketchy Ubers) brought about quite a few surprises. Here are the five weirdest things I saw on the Paris metro:

  1. I straight up witnessed a man ALMOST fall onto a baby stroller, which prompted the mother to burst into tears. In his defense, he was not close to touching the baby so the reaction was a bit unwarranted. That being said, the only thing I’m THAT protective over is my dog, and if someone almost stepped on him, I’d probably cry, too.
  2. I watched a man dig his finger in his ear for twenty minutes straight. Seriously. Twenty minutes. I hope he found what he was looking for.
  3. I watched everyone check themselves out in the metro doors. I can’t even make a joke about it though because I did the same thing each and every time. Those things seriously make great mirrors.
  4. I witnessed a man who was so drunk he was lying on the station floor and his friends quite literally had to drag him onto the metro. Don’t ride the metro alone at 2 a.m. kids, or this is what you’ll see:
  5. I saw a man wearing a shirt that said “Massive🐔”. Comment dit-on “overcompensation?”

And there ya have it folks. Stay safe using public transportation.

Photos/Gifs: residences-paris.com, giphy.com

Summer 2017: Important News Updates (Part II)

As the final days of summer 2017 wind down and you start getting ready to argue with your parents about packing the car return to your home on the Hilltop, we here at 4E have compiled another helpful guide to the Most Important Things to Happen This Summer (Part II). Look no further for a definitive list of things to talk about when your TA goes around the room on the first day of class and makes everyone say one interesting thing about their summer.

1. The Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme Became a Thing

The Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme is the hero we didn’t know we needed. In the midst of a summer full of fidget spinning and erratic tweeting, the Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme arrived to distract and delight us with his iconic dance moves. Easily identified by his signature green headphones and charming soft smile, the Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme is one summer trend you’ll want to check out before it becomes unbearably annoying in the next few days.

2. Macauley Culkin Glowed Up

As evidenced by the massive popularity of HGTV home-improvement shows such as Fixer Upper and Flip or Flop, there’s nothing America loves more than a good Glow Up (also known as a “makeover”, for all my non-millennial readers out there). And Macauley Culkin is no exception. The actor best known for surprising home intruders certainly surprised us this summer with his stunning transformation. He initially went from being an adorable child star to being a not-so-adorable regular person, but these days, Macauley has reignited his film career and is looking better than ever! We here at 4E think that Mr. Culkin is giving Justin Timberlake a run for his money for the title of cutest former 90s icon.

3. Game of Thrones is a hit

This particular writer has never actually watched Game of Thrones, but social media assures me it is all the rage. Based on what I’ve seen from scrolling through my Facebook timeline and looking at magazine covers while waiting in line at the grocery store, it takes place somewhere cold, magic is part of it, and there is a character named “John Snow”. Also Ed Sheeran is a cast member. Based on that, I am pretty sure it’s like Harry Potter but with singing. Feel free to contact me and let me know if I’m correct. Also feel free to contact me and give me your HBO GO password so I can finally figure out what all the hype is about.

4. Chris Pratt and Anna Farris Broke Up

After the devastation of Josh not inviting Drake to his wedding back in June, I didn’t think summer 2017 could get much worse in terms of famous couples breaking up. But as you may have heard, I was wrong: Chris Pratt and Anna Farris officially announced their separation. Fans of Parks and Recreation and the Scary Movie franchise were heartbroken. If this adorable, hilarious couple couldn’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us gross, boring couples out there in the real world? For the rest of 2017, we need to protect Kim and Kanye at all costs.

How we all feel right now

5. Donald Trump and His Staff Broke Up

In a series of  less-surprising public break ups, President Donald Trump parted ways with several high-ranking White House staffers this summer. First to go was Press Secretary and former White House Easter Bunny, Sean Spicer. While Spicer spent most of his tenure hiding in bushes and rewriting history in the briefing room, his time at the White House nevertheless gave us a chance to see Melissa McCarthy’s comedic genius shine on Saturday Night Live, and for that, we are thankful. Next up was Chief of Staff and guy who purposely used the word “nothingburger” to describe allegations of Russian collusion on live TV, Reince Priebus. Priebus is perhaps best known for being the shortest-serving Chief of Staff in American history, as well as looking uncomfortable in every photograph ever taken of him (see: google images for verification). Finally, after just 11 days, Trump bid farewell to Communications Director and probable future star of a The Sopranos reboot, Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci. The Mooch’s crowning achievements during his all-too-brief tenure  include missing the birth of his son to attend a rally and using some “PG-13” language in a notorious on-the-record interview that is probably not in accordance with Georgetown’s Jesuit values.

So there you have it: all the important things you need to know that have happened this summer. From all of us here at 4E, enjoy the last few days of freedom before you’re back in a cubicle on Lau 5.

Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com

Summer 2017: Important News Updates

While it seems like just yesterday we were gracing the floors of Lau with our last-minute study guides and caffeine-fueled tears, Summer 2017 is  officially in full swing nevertheless. We know it can be hard to keep up with the headlines when you’re away from the Hilltop, so we here at 4E have compiled a convenient list of the most important things to happen this summer (so far). Take a break from lying in bed binge-watching Netflix working hard at your prestigious internship and enjoy!

Taylor Swift Put Her Music Back on Spotify Like many of you, I endured the #struggle of having to actually purchase songs on iTunes after Taylor took all her music off of Spotify back in 2014 (full disclosure: “Shake It Off” is my anthem. I will likely walk down the aisle at my wedding to this song.) But a few weeks ago, T-Swift fans across the globe rejoiced as her songs suddenly reappeared on the music-streaming platform. Adding to the drama, this move not-so-coincidentally came on the same day as the album release of her famous frenemy, Katy Perry. In other words, Taylor Swift has taken the definition of “petty” to a whole new level this summer.

Beyoncé Had Twins As expected, Beyoncé gave birth to twins and continued her reign of ruling the universe that began way back in 1999 upon the release of “Say My Name.” While pictures of her twins have not yet been released at the time of this publication, we can confirm that they will undoubtedly be cooler and more stylish than I could ever hope to be, as evidenced by the fact that their older sister Blue Ivy is already way ahead of me in terms of both coolness and style.

With genes like this, the rest of us don’t stand a chance

“The Floor Is” Became the Hottest Meme Like many of you, our primary form of communication here at 4E is tagging one another in memes on various social media platforms. Based on our own personal experience, we can definitively say that “The Floor Is” is the hottest meme of the summer so far. For those of you who are over the age of 23 and/or those of you who somehow don’t spend every waking moment staring at your phone, here is Knowyourmeme.com’s official definition to help you better understand: “The Floor Is… refers to an exploitable two-panel photo series featuring  a person avoiding the floor, as they would in The Floor is Lava/Hot Lava Game. It has been used to make image macros about actions that one person will try their best to avoid doing.” See visual examples below.

The Trump Administration Left the Paris Climate Agreement This pretty much sums it up…

Josh Peck Didn’t Invite Drake Bell to His Wedding This one is by far the saddest moment of the summer and possibly even the saddest thing to happen to anyone ever. Josh did not invite the other half of “Drake and Josh: to his wedding. Across the world, millennials wept and wondered: how could this happen? Where did it all go wrong? Did we do something to cause this? Was Megan somehow involved? We may never know what exactly spurred the saddest breakup since the Jonas Brothers disbanded, but we can only hope that these two “brothas” will eventually move beyond this tragedy and hug it out.

Also, do we know if Amanda Bynes was invited? Asking for a friend.

So there you have it: the most important things to happen this summer…so far. Stay tuned for our next edition, and in the meantime, enjoy your summers!

Photos/Gifs/Sources: giphy.com, knowyourmeme.com, ryanair.com/blog, tumblr.com

Georgetown Bars Now and Then

Have you ever heard the rumors of Georgetown’s bustling nightlife and bar scene in the 1980’s, 1990’s and early 2000’s? Have you wondered where these bars went? Or have you accepted the fact that M Street is an eerily too similar replica of your hometown mall? Here at 4E we asked these questions and did the research into Georgetown’s bar history, and no this is not a shameless plug for my final research project. But if it was, I would suggest that you check out this website to learn more. So if finals have you feeling down, take a walk with 4E down memory lane and peer into the past with our Georgetown Bars Now and Then. 

3401 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: Poseurs

Now: The Running Company

This bar created Georgetown’s punk rock scene. It was the first bar in Georgetown that integrated music videos into the bar! It closed in 1989 and is now the Running Company. However, Poseurs loyal followers hosted a 30-year reunion, so check out their event on Facebook Event.

3477 M Street, NW Washington D.C. 

Then: The Cellar Door

Now: For rent

This building used to house The Cellar Door, a live music club that played host to famous artists such as Jimmy Buffet, Patti Smith, Carole King and many more from 1965-1981. Since then the location has been a sandwich shop but currently remains for rent.

3295 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then:  Rhino

Now: Club Monaco

This location has been a bar since 1952 when it was first the Shamrock. It transitioned to Winston’s Pumphouse in 1972, and then in 1996 it became Rhino–a popular if not beloved Georgetown University bar. It was closed in 2015 due to high rent and is now Club Monaco, a clothing store.

3259 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: Crazy Horse

Now: Coach

Now a Coach retail store, Crazy Horse was a local bar popular with both Georgetown students and young adults from the DMV area.

1238 Wisconsin Ave NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: Carriage House, followed by Tramps

Now: Zara

This location was first the Carriage House, a dining room frequented by many important social and political figures of the District. Then it was taken over by the famous disco club Tramps, run by Washington Playboy Mike O’Harro. This establishment was a left over remanent of the 1970s disco scene. Unfortunately, in 1982 it stopped “Staying Alive” and closed its doors. It is currently a Zara clothing store.

1218 Wisconsin Ave NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: The Third Edition

Now: El Centro

The Third Edition was a Georgetown neighborhood staple, serving students, visitors and the neighborhood from 1969 to 2013. It even got a moment of Hollywood fame as the beloved St. Elmo’s Fire bar in the 1980’s classic “St. Elmo’s Fire” Now it is an upscale Mexican restaurant called El Centro.

3104 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: Mr. Smiths

Now: Fine Retailer

Mr. Smiths was arguably the second oldest continuing bar in the Georgetown neighborhood as it was founded in 1962. In 2014 it was forced to move from its M Street location to K Street, where it replaced longstanding bar Chadwicks due to rising rents. Now, it’s location is filled in with “Fine Retailer” (whatever that means).

3111 K St NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: Bayou

Now: AMC Theatre

Currently the AMC Theatre, the Bayou was the go-to music scene from 1953 to 1998. Check out this website to learn more!

3003 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: Garret’s Railroad Tavern

Now: I-Thai

Garrett’s Restaurant and Railroad Tavern shut its doors for the last time on a Monday in 1979. It was described as “not simply another restaurant closing but rather the loss of a popular community hangout loved and frequented by locals, students, employees, and tourists.” It has since been replaced with a Thai restaurant. Here is another article discussing Garret’s closing.

1206 Wisconsin Ave NW, Washington, DC 20007

Then: Champions

Now: The Sovereign

Champions closed their doors in 2002. It was a dubbed “the original sports bar” and was a favorite with the Georgetown student body, visiting college students, tourists and residents of the DMV area. The bar was bought and converted into an upscale Belgium restaurant called The Sovereign.

Check out the website Booze to Bougie to learn more:

Photos/gifs: trophyhomes.com, images.google.com, boozetobougie.wordpress.com

GTFO: Hidden Study Spots, Finals Edition

As you begin to recover from the aftermath of Georgetown Day, we regret to inform that it’s officially Finals Season. And if you can’t stand the thought of spending the next two weeks studying in hell Lau, fear not: we here at 4E have got you covered with some of the best hidden study spots on this side of the Potomac.

1.  The Library of Congress

Located in the heart of D.C., the Library of Congress is the perfect place to reenact scenes from National Treasure get some serious and productive studying done! Visiting the Library of Congress is a great opportunity to try to finally figure out the whole GUTS bus/Metro system, get frustrated after three minutes, and resort to calling an Uber like you always do.  Once you get there, be sure to blatantly ignore the library rules and take plenty of pictures of your beautiful surroundings- you can send some to your parents as proof that your college experience also involves some non-Burnetts-related activities !

4E Fun Fact: My own Library of Congress card has the unique distinction of being the only picture of me in existence that is worse than the one on my GoCard.

Actual footage of a Georgetown student Snapchatting his friends at the LoC.

2. The Aisles of Vital Vittles

If you’re too lazy to venture more than five minutes from campus looking for something a little closer to your Hilltop home, there are still plenty of options. One of Georgetown’s best study spots is located in the aisles of Vittles. This is exactly what it sounds like: just grab your backpack, go sit on the floor of the campus grocery store and get to work! Trust us, all the cool kids are doing it. As you study, you can enjoy the questioning stares of your fellow Hoyas while munching on one of the snacks you settled for because they were inexplicably out of your top five snack food choices.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re feeling really adventurous, go study in the lone aisle of Snaxa.

3. VCE

Home to sophomores who skipped every “What’s a Hoya?” and freshmen who weren’t told this was even an option during their GAAP weekend, Village C East is truly a hidden treasure. Frequently forgotten and perpetually overlooked in favor of its better-known sibling to the west, VCE is basically the Jeb Bush of Georgetown dormitories. So while it may be “low-energy,” sometimes that’s exactly what you need after another wasted night spent in the distraction-filled mosh pit known as Lau 2 during finals. I personally recommend grabbing a spot at the tables in the laundry room, mostly because it reminds me of a simpler time, during freshman year, when I actually did my laundry on a regular basis instead of wearing the same pair of jeans for a week straight and hoping no one notices.

Remember when people were worried about him becoming president? We were so young…

4. The ICC Bathrooms

We’ve all been there: your professor assigns you a “collaborative final project” and everyone in your group is a total stranger. You’re probably freaking out- group projects are soooo awkward! But luckily, we here at 4E have found a quick fix to your problem: the ICC bathrooms. Spending time in uncomfortably-close physical proximity is a surefire way to get to know each other. And what better place to build this camaraderie than in the inexplicably-tiny restrooms of the Edward B. Bunn S.J. Intercultural Center? Just think of all the built-in conversation starters that will help break the ice: “Why are we working in a bathroom?” “This is so weird”- you’re sure to be best friends in no time! And best of all, you won’t have any of that pesky “reliable wifi access” to distract you from the task at hand.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re really looking to get close with your peers, head on over to the White-Gravenor bathrooms, which have the cool added bonus of being extremely small and extremely old.

5. John Kerry’s House

Now that the Secret Service agents outside of his house are gone, this basically means we all have an open invitation to go hang out with Johnny K whenever we want. Though I personally have never actually been inside his home, I’m assuming it’s extremely classy (John Kerry is pretty much as #bougie as it gets- here’s a picture of a him on a yacht with JFK) and it also probably has pretty decent wifi, because we all know how much former Secretaries of State like to send emails!

Disclaimer: Yes, I know that joke was terrible, but I got yelled at for writing too many articles roasting Trump, so just consider this my attempt at being bipartisan). Additionally, the Kerrster can totally help you study for your IR final, and will almost-definitely be down to walk across the street with you for a Wingo’s study break

*Side Note: If anyone ever actually sees John Kerry at Wingo’s, please alert me immediately.

The Internet was made for moments like this.

So there you have it- five ways to shake up your study routine this finals season. Best of luck from all of us here at 4E, and please remember to keep procrastinating by reading our articles!

Photo source: jfklibrary.org; Gif source: giphy.com 

A Guide To Scamming the Most Out of Free Food This GAAP Weekend

Welcome to Georgetown, new Hoyas! Your friends at 4E are so excited to meet you next year! Before you  arrive, hopefully you’re going to GAAP Weekend so you can celebrate and learn more about us, regular ole Hoyas. If you are, here’s how to scam the most out of free food this GAAP Weekend.

8:30 AM on Friday – Go to St. Mary’s for breakfast. They without a doubt have the best spread. From fresh fruit to small pieces of banana bread, the NHS (School of Nursing and Health Studies for the newbies) has too much food and not enough people to share it with.

1:45 PM on Friday – For those who want to be extra ~cultured~ be sure to hit up the SFS for some Qdoba. However, if you’re not about that, then go to the MSB. If you have to venture into ~The Snake Den~ for anything, it might as well be good food from a fancy restaurant.

6:00 PM on Friday – Starving after Convocation and can’t wait the 30 minutes it will probably take to walk to Tombs and get food? Walk for 1 minute instead from Healy to the ICC for the Multicultural Reception! It might will definitely be the best food you’ve had all day!

9:00 AM on Saturday – You could go to Leo’s for breakfast, and it will probably  definitely be the best Leo’s you’ll have in your Georgetown career, or you could knock on an unsuspecting upperclassmen’s Vil A door and beg food from them. No doubt they’ll take pity on you and attempt to give you something better (choose the door wisely).

12:00 PM on Saturday – Want free food AND clothing? Come to Red Square so that clubs can inevitably try to bribe you to join once you get here! The free swag and food ranging from Hershey’s Kisses to slices of pizza will be worth it. I promise.

Your friends at 4E sincerely hope that this list has helped you to scam the most food out of your GAAP Weekend and make it one you’ll never forget!

Gifs: giphy.com

99 Problems But Jesuit Values Ain’t One

My college career started off to a horrifically basic start. My roommate and I invited new friends to our room before heading over to the Natty-littered Village A rooftops. Word spread quickly of our plan to play pong and party, as thirty sweaty eighteen year-olds flooded my third floor, trash-hallway New South room.

Music was blasting, Burnett’s was flowing and introductions were a plenty; I was having a glorious time hosting new friends. However, in the middle of all-time anthemic banger “Closer,” there was a sudden knock on the door.

My roommate and I were written up for a noise complaint. We had no interest in writing a BS apologetic essay about “disturbing the peace of New South,” and instead wrote a rap about Georgetown’s Jesuit values. The piece, entitled “99 Problems but Jesuit Values Ain’t One,” was required to be spoken to our community director, peers and RAs. And we did it. And we went all in. Please enjoy, much to my humiliation.

99 Problems, but Jesuit Values Ain’t One

It was a Monday during NSO,
We didn’t know how to tell them to go.

Playing music and talking, way too loud,
til the RA on duty came around.

Disturbing the peace with all our brothers,
We were not being men and women for others.

And now we’re ready to apologize too,
By showing our knowledge of Jesuit values.

Cura personalis is what comes first,
Because care of the the person is not the worst.

Now that we’re Hoyas we need some balance,
By being kind neighbors we’ll show our prudence.

Through this rap we will make some penance,
Demonstrating the importance of academic excellence.

Academic excellence thats a must,
Because when you don’t it’s a sure bust.
We’ll have Jack DeGioa up in a fuss,
Going to Lau, getting those A’s, that’s prosperous.

Educating the whole person is essential,
It helps us reach our full potential.

Learning both in and out of classrooms,
Chilling in Lau or even at Tombs.

Here on the Hilltop we’re learning to be faithful,
Between justice and faith we are not hateful.

Rhymes smooth just like buttah,
Holla at St. Ignatius–that’s my brotha.
Came up with Men and Women for Othas,
Taught us values of character just like my motha.

Our bro Brahmanchari taught us inter-religious understanding,
All religions are welcome, each unique and expanding.

Expanded our horizons, went to Buddhist meditation,
Our years at Georgetown aid spiritual formation.

We love Georgetown because of its community in diversity,
It gives us a better world view within the University.

On the third floor we have peers from England, France and Spain,
Friends from far and wide make our lives less mundane.

Our thoughtful discussion after Pluralism in Action,
Brought us closer to diverse peers to our satisfaction.

Loving our neighbors before ourselves,
Helping the staff in Leo’s restock the shelves.

Doing what’s right, owning up to our mistakes,
Being faithful and just is all that is takes.

Teaching us lessons is what Georgetown does best,
Now we know better, we hashtag blessed.

Photos/gifs: som.georgetown.edu, giphy.com

Lautiquette

As midterm season wears on and Lau becomes our home-away-from-dorm once more,  we here at 4E have noticed that some of us are in desperate need of a quick refresher on proper “Lautiquette” (that’s Lau- etiquette, for all you #normies out there).

Before you head on back to your cubicle, take a minute to check out 4E’s Official Guide to Proper Lautiquette:

1. Have your GoCard ready when you walk in. It is not that hard. You know you’re supposed to have it ready. I know you’re supposed to have it ready. That line of sleep-deprived people waiting behind you at 1:58 a.m. during finals week know you’re supposed to have it ready. So don’t be that person. Instead, be the considerate student who awkwardly stands outside near the smokers by the steps while frantically emptying out their entire backpack in search of the card before they attempt to enter the building.

2. Do not take up an entire Lau 2 table by yourself during peak hours. Peak hours are officially designated (by the staff here at 4E) as anytime between 2:00 PM and 1:00 AM on Sundays, and 7:00 PM to 12:00 AM on Mondays through Wednesdays. I don’t care how hard that bio midterm is going to be- there is absolutely no need for you to take up an entire  table with your flashcards and highlighters.

Full Disclosure: I am sitting at a cramped table far from an outlet and glaring at a well-documented serial Lau 2 tabler-taker-upper as I write this. You know who you are. Please move.

3. Do not eat anything that smells weird. The litmus test for this one is extremely straight forward: if you have to ask if your food smells weird, your food smells weird.  Do not consume this food within the confines of Joseph Mark Lauinger Library. None of the windows open and we will all be forced to endure the stench of your microwaveable Four Cheese and Four Meat Hot Pocket (TM) for the duration of our study session.

4. Do not talk on Lau 5.

5. Do not take the elevator down one floor. Look, we’re all tired after a long night or an early morning, but the elevators are slow enough already without your shenanigans. Get it together.*

*However, it is nevertheless completely acceptable to take the elevator up one floor. The difference between walking up a single flight of stairs and walking down a single flight of stairs cannot be overstated. Much like a certain father-son Georgetown basketball coaching duo, one is undoubtedly much worse than the other (#tbt).

So there you have it- a few friendly reminders to make sure your time here in Lau is as Lauwesome (that’s Lau-awesome, #normies) as it can possibly be! Now please go passive-aggressively share this with your friends and/or the stranger who is currently taking too long to decide what they want to order at Midnight.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, flickr.com

Other Things at Georgetown That Should Be Fired

We were beginning to think change was impossible. That was, of course, until it happened yesterday. Coach John Thompson III was not able to answer the question “Who Do You Know Here?” and was denied entrance at the door to another season at the helm of Georgetown basketball.

While the announcement was certainly shocking, if completely justified, it was more than just someone getting fired. This means that change is possible at Georgetown. Let’s ride the wave and get rid of the people at Georgetown responsible for other grave injustices:

  1. FIRE the person in charge of sending GUPD updates. What ever happened to the emails about drunk people waking up in the wrong bed and punching someone? Then there was the time when someone was kidnapped and we didn’t even hear about it. Change is needed.

    Pictured: current reputation of GUPD
  2. FIRE SNAPS. Do you have nothing better to do on a Friday night than break up a party that probably wasn’t good in the first place? Our tuition dollars are literally being spent to reduce the party scene.
  3. FIRE the architect of Lau. This is probably somewhat irrelevant, but just as a preventative measure, his or her professional license should be confiscated. Our skyline would have been so perfect if it weren’t for a building that is as soul-sucking as it looks.

    NO!
  4. FIRE the people who don’t pick up their omelets. All we can ask for at a Leo’s dining ~experience~ is to be lucky enough not to see a mouse and a timely produced omelet. Nobody likes long lines. Help make this a reality.
  5. FIRE the founder of Instructional Continuity. Who in John Carroll’s name ever signed off that this was a good idea? I dare the administration to put out a survey about students’ and teachers’ satisfaction around this perversion of the education system.
  6. FIRE professors that don’t round grades up. It’s not even about common courtesies; it’s about properly representing numbers. One rounds 8.6 to 9.0 so why isn’t an 86 an A-?
  7. FIRE Saxanet. If I lose my progress while working on something one mor..

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, giphy.com, memecrunch.com, Rachel Skaar/The Hoya