Other Things at Georgetown That Should Be Fired

We were beginning to think change was impossible. That was, of course, until it happened yesterday. Coach John Thompson III was not able to answer the question “Who Do You Know Here?” and was denied entrance at the door to another season at the helm of Georgetown basketball.

While the announcement was certainly shocking, if completely justified, it was more than just someone getting fired. This means that change is possible at Georgetown. Let’s ride the wave and get rid of the people at Georgetown responsible for other grave injustices:

  1. FIRE the person in charge of sending GUPD updates. What ever happened to the emails about drunk people waking up in the wrong bed and punching someone? Then there was the time when someone was kidnapped and we didn’t even hear about it. Change is needed.

    Pictured: current reputation of GUPD
  2. FIRE SNAPS. Do you have nothing better to do on a Friday night than break up a party that probably wasn’t good in the first place? Our tuition dollars are literally being spent to reduce the party scene.
  3. FIRE the architect of Lau. This is probably somewhat irrelevant, but just as a preventative measure, his or her professional license should be confiscated. Our skyline would have been so perfect if it weren’t for a building that is as soul-sucking as it looks.

    NO!
  4. FIRE the people who don’t pick up their omelets. All we can ask for at a Leo’s dining ~experience~ is to be lucky enough not to see a mouse and a timely produced omelet. Nobody likes long lines. Help make this a reality.
  5. FIRE the founder of Instructional Continuity. Who in John Carroll’s name ever signed off that this was a good idea? I dare the administration to put out a survey about students’ and teachers’ satisfaction around this perversion of the education system.
  6. FIRE professors that don’t round grades up. It’s not even about common courtesies; it’s about properly representing numbers. One rounds 8.6 to 9.0 so why isn’t an 86 an A-?
  7. FIRE Saxanet. If I lose my progress while working on something one mor..

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, giphy.com, memecrunch.com, Rachel Skaar/The Hoya

What to Do After Getting Rejected from Piano Bar

After everyone’s favorite grimy bar got raided a few too many times and decided to be a whole lot pickier about who they let in, a lot of underage Georgetown students are left wondering – what next? Where else can I spend my Wednesday nights partying? Is there another spot I can flock to on a typical dead Georgetown Friday night? While no one has come up with a perfect solution yet, here are 4E’s 7 alternatives to Piano Bar.

  1. If you’re still looking to go out and have a good time, try Chi Di! What’s one rejection when you can have two in one night? Have you gotten a little too comfortable with your fake? Definitely give it a go despite multiple texts reporting cops surrounding the club.
  2. A rejection from Chi Di not enough to kill your party mood? The next move is a random club in downtown DC. You’re guaranteed to meet people almost twice your age, and if you wait in line long enough, you might even get to realize that Ultra is not nearly as large as they make it out to be. 
  3. However, if you’re a homebody and trying to stay near campus, why not try CVS on Wisconsin? I’m not kidding; this place is a goldmine. They have everything from snacks, to makeup, to Donald Trump shot glasses!
  4. Why not make it an early night at Epi? Sometimes Epi is more lit than the party (or in this case, Piano) itself. You’re guaranteed to see at least one person you know (and you know you wanted that quesadilla more than you wanted to be sweating it out on the dirty dance floor of Piano anyway).
  5. If you’re the typical Georgetown student who likes to talk about how much work they have, but never actually does it, why not spend the extra time studying? I hear (but don’t know from personal experience) Lau is open 24 hours a day. You can probably get some quality work done, considering your of age peers will be enjoying the bar you couldn’t get into. 
  6. Go to bed. Literally every single time I ask someone how they’re doing, they say tired. Instead of taking laps around Piano and waiting for the bartender to notice you until 2 AM, why not get some quality sleep in? Maybe the next day you won’t have to ban your roommate from drying her hair so that you can nap (sorry, Chiara!). 
  7. Stay in! Why risk it? It’s much safer to be caught partying by your RA than by the police. Grab some friends and have a good old sleepover filled with rounds of “Never Have I Ever” and “Truth or Dare.” I promise you’ll learn more about them that way than shouting over Piano’s sometimes cringey, sometimes decent music. These are just a few ideas for what you can do after being rejected from Piano, but feel free to explore other alternatives. Whatever you decide, 4E hopes you stay safe out there in this newly dangerous Georgetown bubble.

Gifs: giphy.com

Breaking Down Georgetown’s Geotags

It’s time to embrace the sad truth: GW’s geotag game is stronger than ours. Let’s explore Georgetown’s finest options in the ever-present Snapchat game.

Grey outline of Healy Hall with Hoya Saxa in a circle in the corner – Always the first one to appear when swiping right on Snapchat. Really boring tbh. Not ideal for the classic freshman Healy snap story.

‘I Believe’ – Don’t get me started. Wrong color scheme, takes up the entire picture, no one knows what ‘I Believe’ stands for. 0/10. Apparently used for a GUSA Presidential campaign two years ago, and we’ve never stopped having it. Somehow that makes it more annoying.

Southwest Quad – As if living in McCarthy wasn’t bad enough, their Snapchat filter is probably the weakest on campus. Worth a venture to Snaxa for late night slushies and to check out this monstrosity.

Leo’s salad bar – It’s just tomatoes and lettuce. 2/10 for unbalanced dieting.

Leo’s upstairs – Very representative of the lighting. Could go well with a food snap of vegan brownies. I never get this one actually in Leo’s; only in my New South dorm room.

MSB – The bros use it after nailing their Goldman Sachs interviews and OPIM exams. Goes well with Vineyard Vines and/or a suit and tie combo. Points for having the prettiest building. I appreciate.

 

Dahlgren Chapel – So cute, so chic, so simple. My parents were married here so I’m a bit biased. 10/10 for love.

Outline of Healy with Georgetown University in middle – It would require effort to make this uglier.

Lau – Harsh. Boring. But is that not representative of Lau vibes?

Lord of the Rings Lau – Don’t get me wrong: this filter is weird, but points for creativity and nerdiness. I see you. Gets a laugh at 3 AM when cramming for a History midterm.

McCourt School Georgetown – Old time-y font and DC imagery. I like. Solid 8/10.

Georgetown University with Hoya Saxa in cursive: perfect for freshman bragging to their high school friends about attending a top 20 institution. The only filter that blatantly says, “Hoya Saxa,” so that’s pretty concerning. Basic but very nice.

Future Recommendations:

  1. Why is there no ICC geotag? Bill Clinton would not approve.
  2. No acknowledgment of Jesuits I see. Does Cura Personals even mean anything to Georgetown if we cannot fully represent this on our social media?
  3. Genuine question: Does Darnall have one? I’ve never been there.
  4. Why doesn’t Jack the Bulldog get any love?
  5. Let’s have a New South geotag reading “Zoo South” that shows broken Pineapple Burnetts and dip in the stairwell.
  6. @Corp Marketing I know a geotag at each location would be hard but it would be dope.Photos: me, duh.

Judging You, Judging Your Laptop Stickers

Remember decorating lockers in middle school? Laptop stickers are the college version of this timeless activity.  But now, instead of decorating a metal cubby that you once saw in a photo from 1973 , you’re decorating an expensive computer that you’ll rely on for at least 4 years. What do your stickers (or things that you thought would make you seem cool, let’s be real) say about you?

But first, the basics:

  • No stickers? Congrats, you’re a full-blown adult. We’re all proud. Stop reading this and go back to The Wall Street Journal.
  • Stickers on a laptop case? Just like me with my constantly changing major, you’re unwilling to commit.
  • Stickers on the laptop? Bold. Determined. Committed to your ideals. Really sorry, but you might not be the next President after all.

The stickers themselves:

  • Hamilton-related: Yep, you’re part of the problem. Good job, liberal elite.
  • GoPro: How was your last ski vacation? I’m sure that you looked super cool with that camera on your helmet. Can I see the video? Was there a soundtrack?
  • H*yas for Choice: We’re all fans. But are you really in the club? Thinking that the answer is no.
  • Anything “The Office”-related: Congrats on loving such an obscure show!

  • GUAFSCU/GUSIF: You’re impressive. I understand. You crushed that application and business professional attire.
  • “Oh, Kale Yeah!”: Are you vegan? LMK. @vegans_at_leos.
  • Hillary Clinton campaign: Leave that one up until it fades to nothing, please.
  • Patagonia, or a variation on their logo:  Thank you for supporting this grassroots company, you’re really helping them get off the ground and make a difference in society. Also, it’s super cool that the logo was modified to fit the mountain that you visited recently, how unique!
  • Hometown sticker: Home is where the heart is! Which right now, realistically, is in your laptop, so this fits!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, flickr.com

Guide to Laufits

It’s officially midterm season, which means that there’s a good chance you’re procrastinating by reading this article somewhere in Lau. And if you’re searching for some more ways to avoid doing work, look no further: here’s a refresher on the five types of “Laufits” most frequently seen in everyone’s favorite architectural monstrosity.

1. The “Kendall Jenner”

The basic look: Heels. A “going out” top. Jeans that cost more than your meal plan. Something cool like a hat or red lipstick that you definitely couldn’t pull off if you tried.

When they’re not busy making you feel bad about the fact that you noticeably haven’t washed your hair in several days, the owner of this outfit can usually be found making the awkward walk from the elevators to Midnight look like a graceful strut down a fashion week runway. There’s a good chance that you follow them on Instagram. There’s a better chance that they do not follow you back.

2. The “Intern”

The basic look: J. Crew. Ann Taylor. Brooks Brothers. A Capitol Hill ID badge that they are inexplicably still wearing at 11 p.m. on a Wednesday in the middle of a college library.

You can usually find the wearer of this outfit carefully crafting their next insightful and completely necessary political post on Facebook or mapping out the logistics of their future GUSA presidential campaign two years ahead of time. There’s a good chance you follow them on LinkedIn. There’s a better chance that they were the ones who requested to follow you.

3. The “Self-Proclaimed Gym Rat”

The basic look: Neon running shoes. A headband. A Fitbit. Something from Lululemon. A yoga mat casually tucked under their arm. A conspicuous lack of actual sweat on any of these items.

Those who rock the standard “SPGR” attire are usually found loitering in Midnight. They may be found loudly commenting on how their favorite flavor of Vitamin Water Zero and/or Cliff Bar is out of stock while openly inquiring as to why they aren’t allowed to use the Thompson Center, or insisting that they could have been a varsity walk-on “if they tried.” There’s a good chance that you also just saw them take the elevator instead of the stairs to get to Lau 2 in the first place.

4. The “Guy Who Was at Jersey Night Until He Remembered He Had a Paper Due at 9 A.M.”

The Basic Look: Hair Gel. Pit Stains. An Allen Iverson/Alonzo Mourning/Patrick Ewing jersey. A New Jersey accent. An ID from a state that is not New Jersey.

Unlike the “Self-Proclaimed Gym Rat,” the person wearing this outfit is definitely actually sweating. And yelling. And attempting to simultaneously type and sober up, but not doing a very good job at either. This stylish individual is likely to be found taking way too long to figure out what they want from the vending machine and saying some variation of “Dude, seriously it was so lit, you gotta go next week” to every other person who walks by.

5. The “Lau 5”

The basic look: A sweatshirt. A pair of sweatpants, but not the “cute and cozy” kind that are moderately acceptable to wear in public. A baseball cap. Uggs, Crocs, or some combination of the two.

(Disclaimer: this is not an exaggeration. I once saw an actual human being wearing an Ugg on one foot and a Croc on the other on Lau 5 at 2 a.m. during finals week and it was one of the scariest things I have ever seen in my entire life. Please let me know if you have any potential information regarding this individual’s whereabouts because I want to make sure they’re alright.)

The true devotees of the classic “Lau 5” aesthetic are, of course, most frequently found in their natural habitat on the top floor. But rumor has it that if you wait patiently until the early hours of the morning, you can see them briefly emerge near that weird coffee vending machine on Lau 2. Should you be so lucky as to witness this rare occurrence, be sure to remember the most basic rule of Lau-etiquette: never ask someone wearing the full-blown “Lau 5” Laufit “How’s it going?” You will only be met with a long, sad answer involving an unreliable TA, a “quizlet” mishap, and a copious amount of tears.

So there you have it: five of the most popular Laufits. Consider what your Laufit says about you the next time you head on over to see if there are any more lemon poppy seed muffins left at Midnight write that big paper well ahead of the deadline! 

Gif source: giphy.com, library.georgetown.edu

15 Extreme Things to Give Up This Lent

Lent is here and you know what that means: the classic forfeit of chocolate, the avoidance of french fries and the (unpromising) theory of exercising more often.

Chalk it up to one word? Boring!

Instead of the old, dull suggestions of the past, why not try some innovative ideas that call for real sacrifice? Here are some of our proposals:

1. Give up peeling bananas.

Sound hard to you? Exactly. How are you going to open it? A friend? A knife? Are you going to avoid bananas the entire Lenten season? Let us know.

2. Give up smiling awkwardly at people you sort-of know when you walk past them.

I know it’s hard, but that’s the point of Lent. Keep a straight face, avoid eye contact or run away! Whatever is easiest, really.

3. Give up opening your mouth when you laugh.

      Chuckle softly, or not at all!

4. Give up wearing socks.

Whether you opt for sandals or challenge yourself with sneakers, this will definitely keep you on your toes. (Get it?!)

5. Give up eye contact altogether. 

      Shyly bat your lashes toward the ground to let people know you’re avoiding eye contact. They should catch on pretty quickly!

6. Give up all candy flavors except for grape. 

    Relish in the incredibly medicine-like taste of grape, a feeling you won’t know you can stand until you are forced to.

7. Give up sleep between the hours of 3:15a.m. and 4:45a.m.

    Set an alarm and keep your body constantly alert to change!

8. Give up contacts, glasses or any other aids to your vision. 

    Whether you’re mildly impaired or actually blind, this is a challenge to not only you but the people around you!

9. Give up the use of your hands. 

      Pick up items with the strength of your toes if you have dropped something. Otherwise, kindly ask an acquaintance to do literally everything for you!

10. Give up Piano Bar. 

      Hmm…too soon?

11. Give up stopping for pedestrians.

      Got a car? Make a point! Though dangerous, this Lenten promise will really challenge you!

12. Give up the letter “E.”

    Paprs, -mails, and prtty much any tchnological communication may b slightly mor difficult, but if you put your mind to it, you can do anything!

13. Give up the temperatures between 70 and 78 degrees. 

    Often the comfortable temperatures for a generally cold person, give up familiarity and either shiver or sweat yourself to sleep!

14. Give up opening doors.

    Trying to get out of your classroom? Let someone else help you out. Trying to get into a car? Just let that Uber driver know you need his assistance. How about a way out of your dorm room? Kick it down like Jack Bauer or loudly cry until a concerned neighbor comes to your aid.

15. Give up turning left. 

Live on the wild side and avoiding turning left at all costs. It’ll hurt your brain and annoy your friends, but it’s sure to keep you occupied during Lent!

Gifs: giphy.com

The Seven Stages of Weekend Drinking Regret

We all at some point in our college careers, whether once or twice, or every week, experience the Seven Stages of Weekend Drinking Regret. Here at 4E, we put together a step by step guide, complete with informational gifs, to help you better understand your fluctuating feelings of  weekend regret.

1. Sunday: Self-disgust

You wake up Sunday morning feeling crusty and like absolute trash. Your brain is in a haze and you enter a period of self-loathing and overall unproductivity. The two reliable constants of the day are the constant pounding in your head and your repeated mutterings of “Why did I take that last tequila shot?”

2. Monday: Mild Productivity

You may feel some twangs of post-hangover and regret, but you can get some work done. You attend classes and begin to look at assignments but you’re not 100 percent yourself yet.

3. Tuesday: Totally You

You’re feeling yourself. You’re getting work done, feeling on top of your game. This is the upward swing, the peak of the week. You might even be contemplating going to yoga and starting a juice cleanse.

4. Wednesday: Willpower Waning

It’s Hump Day! The week seems to stretch on forever. A couple of your girlfriends are having a wine night. One glass won’t hurt, right? You only have a 9 a.m. But no, you hold out until at least Thursday.

5. Thursday: Thirsty Thoughts

The week sucked. You got a C on that paper you thought you killed. Your roommate broke your blender and now all you want to do is cool off and have a beer. You casually sip on one brewsky because you’re not in the MSB and you have class on Friday.

6. Friday: Freedom

The week is over! You can’t wait to get drinks with friends before heading out for a night of dancing. You can’t even remember your regrets from last Sunday. Who was that loser? Let’s take a shot!

7. Saturday: Sipping Something

This morning you woke up with a hangover, but it’s okay. You’re sleeping until noon, going to brunch, then planning on going out to that new bar anyways. You’ll just sip the hangover away. This is when you enter peak denial phase, as you try to reason away that 10-page paper you have to wake up tomorrow and write!


Sunday: and repeat.


Disclaimer: The seven stages were created based on expert advice from 21-year-old, very legal friends.

Images/gifs: giphy.com, greatist.com

Five Unbelievable Kitchen Appliances

It is time to step up your game (your kitchen game, that is). The microwave is no longer the cool kid on the block and it’s time to invest in some unbelievable gadgets that will let you eat like the queen that you are.

1. Pineapple Slicer

Pineapples are definitely the cheapest and most underrated fruits of the century. Unfortunately, with the excessive amount of time you need to actually carve one, it is no wonder why college students don’t eat more pineapples. But, this awesome slicer literally takes all of the difficulties out of getting to the meat of the fruit. Next time when you’re checking out that one friend’s travel post, you can feel a little more tropical by feeding yourself some spiraled pineapple slices.

2. I Could Eat a Horse

Unless you’re a mathematician or a magician, I don’t see how you can possibly estimate how much pasta to make. I always make too little and end up eating snacks because boiling water twice is too much hassle. Well, take the math away and use this measurer which bases the amount on whether you’re hungry enough to eat a horse or not. The answer is always yes.

3. Giant Vegetable Pencil Sharpener

You are straight up lying if you tell me you don’t want one of these to ease the laborious activity of actually peeling vegetables. Plus, you can make decorative shavings to add onto your own salads and skip the overpriced ones at Sweetgreen.

4. One Click Butter Dispenser

I love butter. I can eat a tube in three days. As a self-proclaimed butter lover, it is really a big pain when you have to cut slices for yourself and the wrapping is already greasy from the last time you used it. It’s also hard to resist the urge to eat the whole tube. Why not use this dispenser and take the hassle away from buttering up your life?

5. Cinnibird Pen

We’ve all seen the cheesy latte art photos on Instagram and rolled our eyes at it, secretly wondering how we can gain this amazing skill. Well, wonder no more. The Cinnibird allows you to use cinnamon and other spices to draw on your lattes. No more $20 cushy coffees just for the photo op.

Sources: giphy.com, amazon.com, brit.co, oliarts.com, pcrichard.com

Dating App Profile Picture Guide

Did Valentine’s Day remind you of your single status? Did it spur you to re-download Tinder? Or prompt you to give Bumble a try? If so, then the members of 4E feel your heart-throbbing pain and we’ve created a Dating App Profile Picture Guide that will have all the cuties swiping right into your heart.

1. No mirror selfies.


You have friends. Find them. Have them take your picture because to be honest that mirror flash is hurting everyone’s eyes.

2. Do not submit to the subdivision of mirror selfie: The Muscle Flash.


Why is you shirt off? Why is your shirt half on? Are you getting dressed? Looks like we are all confused. Let’s at least have a conversation before you start taking off your clothes.

3. Have a picture with friends.


It can be a picture with one friend, a group of friends, paid or bribed friends. It can even be a full on awkward group photoshoot on a couch in front of a fountain. Just let the world know that you are not a psycho.

4. Have at least one picture of just you.


Don’t hide yourself in a sea of friends. Believe it or not, people actually want to be able to identify who they are swiping right on.

5. Smile.


I know! Shocker! But seriously, a genuine smile is way more #fresh and #cool than a deep soul searching scowl.

6. Express your interest.


Do you like to ride bikes? Go hiking? Play basketball? See daylight? Express that! Change it up with some active pictures to let people know you do occasionally leave your house.

7.  Avoid old exes in pictures.


Is that your sister? Your ex? Over-touchy cousin? It’s best to just not confuse all of us.

8. Have more than one picture.


You should probably have more than one picture of yourself. Unless, you believe in soul-theft through photography, in which case you should probably avoid technology altogether.

9. Include a dog.


You can never go wrong with a cute dog cuddle pic. In fact, the more dogs the better.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

Overheard at President Trump’s Inauguration

Well, it’s official: Donald Trump is The President of the United States. And while I’m sure all of you spent Friday, January 20th making signs for the Women’s March watching the inauguration ceremony, here are some of the best “Overheard at Inauguration” moments that you may have missed, courtesy of your friends here at 4E.

1. “Donald Trump, have my babies!”
-Yelled by a teenage boy during the Oath of Office

2. “This is the best day of my life!”
-A man without a jacket in the midst of the pouring rain

3. “I knew he was going to be President ever since the first time I  watched The Apprentice.

4. “Wait, I thought Ivanka was Trump’s wife?”

5. “If I knew he was going to win, I don’t think I would have voted for him.”

*as it started to rain*

6. Girl in the Crowd: “Rain Drop!”
Group of Trump Supporters: “Drop Top!”

As evidenced by that last one, there is still some good left in the world.  In the meantime, feel free to comment your own “Overheard” moments in the comments section below, because remember, there is (sadly) a good chance that the Leader of the Free World is reading this article as we speak!

Gifs: giphy.com