How to Throw the Perfect Inauguration Day Party

January 20th 2017 is an important date for two reasons. First, it marks the inauguration of our nation’s 45th President and ushers in a new and unprecedented era in American history. Secondly, and much more importantly, it’s an official Georgetown University holiday, which means that we all get to be MSB students for a day and share in the luxurious experience of having no Friday classes! So if you’re searching for a fun way to spend your day off, look no further: we here at 4E have got you covered with some tips and tricks for the perfect Inauguration Day party.

Find the perfect spot to host

When you’re searching for the right place to throw your Inauguration Day bash, we recommend you choose a different location from wherever you hosted your Election Night party a few months ago- after all, nothing ruins a good party faster than terrifying flashbacks! Your best bet in terms of location is definitely the Village A rooftop. While you can’t really see the Capitol building from the roof, you can see the Washington Monument, which we all know provides the perfect patriotic background for that inevitable Inauguration Day Instagram, which you’ll probably post with an original, hilarious caption like #MakeAmericaLITagain

Invite some VIPs

To quote our next President, your party can’t be full of “losers and haters,” so when it comes to making your guest list, be sure to go the extra mile. Actually, you don’t even have to go a whole mile- just walk the few blocks to John Kerry’s house and invite him to your awesome party. He obviously can’t RSVP to your Facebook event for security reasons, so your safest bet is definitely to just go knock on his door and ask him face to face. His secret service agents totally won’t mind as long as you remember to extend the invitation to them as well. In the meantime, wander around campus and you’ll probably run into frequent Dahlgren Chapel-attendee, Joe Biden, or Georgetown’s favorite son and America’s favorite almost-first-husband, Bill Clinton. And after this election cycle, these guys are definitely ready to kick back and party, so be sure to toss an invite their way.

Make a playlist

No Inauguration Day party would be complete without the musical stylings of Trump’s new best friend, Kanye West. After the craziness known as the 2016 election, I don’t think any of us would even be surprised at this point if Kanye somehow ended up with a Cabinet position. In fact, we’re calling it now: we think a Trump/West 2020 ticket is in our future (in four years, remember you heard it here at 4E first!). And if Kanye’s ascent into the political arena is imminent, we must enjoy his musical genius while we still can. So at your party, be sure to “Runaway” from your fears about the next four years, ignore all those fake news stories and focus on the “Facts (Charlie Heat Version)” and remember that we can still be “Stronger” together even though Donald Trump will soon have all that “POWER” to “Run This Town.”

Choose beverages wisely

If you’re still feeling patriotic and want to make a political statement at your party, follow President Obama’s lead by enacting your own symbolic sanctions against Russia in the most college-way possible: boycotting Russian-brand vodka. In terms of what you can realistically afford, this basically means no Russian Standard and no Stolichnaya. Don’t worry, Smirnoff doesn’t count. If you’re looking for an alternative, we here at 4E recommend everyone’s favorite delicious (and American-made!) vodka, Burnett’s. For more information on this flavored poison refreshing beverage, check out some of our diligent research here.

There you have it: a few simple tips and tricks to make your Inauguration Day one to remember. And finally before we go, if you’re reading this, Mr. Trump (and based on your bizarre social media habits, there’s sadly good chance that you actually are), we wish you luck. Despite our differences, we hope that you prove us wrong and use these next four years to help lead our country in the right direction. But in the meantime, we here at 4E will continue to contribute to the “crooked media” by low key roasting you on a regular basis. Here’s to the next four years, neighbor.

Gifs: giphy.com, teepublic.com

President-Elect Donald Trump’s Cabinet Picks Celebrity Apprentice Version

trump cabinetIt has been a little over a month since our nation elected our 45th president, and slowly but surely, our country is accepting the results. President-elect Trump has just about finalized his Cabinet, leaving many Americans equally disillusioned. With that being said, I am not here to comment on politics or on the choices our President-Elect has made, but rather, to offer my opinions on who he should have appointed to Cabinet positions from his wildly successful television series, The Celebrity Apprentice. I whole-heartedly believe these “celebrities” could do the job better than anyone our future president could nominate.

Education Secretary: Lil Jon

Who could be a better Education Secretary than Lil Jon? With a high school education under his belt and a grasp on the English language so strong he was able to come up with the party-shattering lyrics:

“Fire up that loud
Another round of shots

Turn down for what?” (repeat 5x)

This man clearly knows what a good education is all about. All jokes aside, he could do wonders for schools’ fine arts programs.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Lisa Rinna

The clear pick of all former cast mates is Lisa Rinna. This woman knows what she is talking about in regards to surgeries. She is an admitted fan of Botox and can talk about lip injections more knowledgeably than a plastic surgeon.

Secretary of Transportation: Khloe Kardashian

I would like to start off by saying the Kardashians are practically America’s royalty, so obviously one of them needs to be in our government. Khloé should be a go-to pick for Trump, considering she knows a thing or two about expensive cars and private jets.

Secretary of Treasury: Teresa Giudice

Another no-brainer: why wouldn’t we want Teresa Giudice in charge of the Treasury? She went to jail and learned her lesson about fraud and tax evasion, so who better than to manage our nation’s wealth? If anyone knows anything about the importance of healthy finances, it is this woman.

Secretary of Defense: Piers Morgan

Have we all seen Piers Morgan’s Twitter attacks on Chrissy Teigen? I mean honestly I would not want to oppose this guy. All it will take is 140 characters for him to bring down Putin.

Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Similar to Teresa Giudice, I think Snooki would be an excellent addition to our nation’s Cabinet considering she has learned from experience. After PETA put Snooki on blast for dyeing her dog purple, I truly believe she is a reformed woman and would do our nation well by serving as Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency.

Administrator of Small Business Administration: Stephen Baldwin

As the not as famous Baldwin brother, Stephen knows what it is like to deal with “less.” Less fame, less fortune, less popularity. Therefore, who would be better-equipped than to deal with small businesses, who, let’s face it, cannot compare to corporations like Microsoft and Apple, than Stephen Baldwin?

Ambassador to the United Nations: Sharon Osbourne

The clear pick is Sharon Osbourne. She has a British accent, need I say more?

So who will be President-Elect Trump’s Secretary of State appointment? Your guess is as good as mine, but if we’re going by The Celebrity Apprentice cast, my vote would be for Kevin Jonas because, come on, who wouldn’t love a Jonas in the spotlight again?

Gifs: giphy.com

4E’s Guide to Spotting a Freshman

freshmanFreshman year is described as a “time of transition.” It is almost like a second awkward stage since you have to adjust to a completely different lifestyle (except hopefully you’re rocking a better haircut this time around). Perhaps the biggest “no-no” of being a freshman is looking like a freshman. Here are five obvious ways to spotting a freshman.

1. Still Reps Their High School Gear

Yes, your school might have provided you with endless Nike and Under Armor apparel, but perhaps this is best left at home so that you can pledge your allegiance to your new school: Georgetown University. On the other hand…

2. Wears Head to Toe Georgetown Clothing

We get it, you go here!!!! We know how hard you worked to get here and understandably, this comes with quite a bit of school pride. But maybe just pick the Georgetown sweatshirt and don’t go for the full on HoyaSaxa sweatsuit (including Georgetown hat and socks).

3. Wears a Lanyard with a Key Around Their Neck

Much like an ugly haircut during your awkward stage, this is simply a phase every freshman goes through. Learn from it and move on is all that I can say.

4. Actually Dresses Up for Class

No, this is not the Oscars, nor is it another Kardashian wedding. This is class (i.e. a time to catch up on sleep learn). You do not need to wear the finest clothing in your wardrobe. Please take note that athleisure is a trend people!

5. Only Travel in Packs

Have you ever seen a freshman by himself/herself? Probably not. There is safety in numbers and freshmen simply have not learned the concept of independence. We get it! You’re new here and don’t want to look stupid alone. We promise no one is judging what you’re doing; we’re all too busy worrying about whether or not Kim Kardashian will ever return to social media or if Brad Pitt will get more than a monthly visit with the kids.

If you spot a student with one (or all) of these attributes, you can be certain they are a freshman. But hey, go easy on freshmen: you either are living it or have lived through it. The same way you wouldn’t want 4E to investigate your middle school years, freshmen don’t want to be ostracized by their older, significantly cooler peers.

Gifs: giphy.com

Mastering the Freshman Year Humblebrag

n-LEGALLY-BLONDE-LAWM-large570Congratulations to all first years on getting this far in your journey to the Hilltop! Trust me, I know it hasn’t been an easy road. Tackling the various questions of your incoming summer is always painful. These questions tend to take a toll on you as summer progresses.

Questions like: “If I do poorly on the summer reading assignment, can I still graduate Magna Cum Laude?” “Georgetown has given me no guidance, but I have to submit my preregistration in three hours; what do I do?” “Where is the Qatar building? Is it by Leo’s?” “Was what Becky S. said in the Facebook group mildly racist?”

We’ve dealt with them all, and I can assure you, you’ll get through it. However, this isn’t even remotely the most difficult part of making the transition to Georgetown’s campus. The most difficult task you have in your first two months on campus is to master your Freshman Year Humblebrag. It’s something you won’t hear on your campus tour and there won’t be an infographic about it in your Welcome Packet, but The Fourth Edition is here to teach you how to perfectly craft your unwarrantedly braggadocios sound bites that will propel you from “irrelevant first semester freshman” to “somewhat-irrelevant first semester freshman!”

On a campus where 33% of students are fluent in more than one language, acceptance rates average out to about 16% and some clubs receive hundreds of applications only to admit a class of 3 or 4 lucky allstars, it’s not always easy to stand out among the excellence that is around you. I will always remember hobbling into class my first day with an overfilled backpack, an inappropriately-large bag of half-eaten Baked Lays and a misguided idea that I was going to take over campus in a matter of weeks with the most inflated and undeserved confidence there ever was. Fifteen minutes into my first class, after I had taken 3 pages of notes on my professor’s introduction, I thought I had this in the bag… that was until we went through a circle of introductions and I realized how deep at the bottom of the heap I was.

The girl sitting next to me wasn’t halfway into her story of starting her own environmentally-conscious company before I quickly had to hold down the Baked Lay regurgitation, as I became sickened by my overall inadequacy. Everyone has one of these moments and I’m here now to help you so that you respond promptly with an effective humblebrag to deflect as much as possible.

Here are four prime opportunities to develop your inflated backstory through a series of humblebrags:

1. The Facebook Group Humblebrag: Now, I’m not one to encourage participation in the Facebook group due to the fact that everything you post is read by all members of your incoming class and they will use it as kindling to ignite awkward conversations during New Student Orientation, but if done correctly, the Facebook Group Humblebrag could be extremely effective. With such a captive audience, there’s no better way to get the word out about your accomplishments than a quick brag hidden in language that looks to be sincere.

Examples:

  • “My graduation video came in today and my valedictorian speech was so unfunny! Maybe I should join improv to work on my jokes haha!”
  • I just got back from my extensive volunteer trip in Africa and all of the people I met asked me what a ‘Hoya’ was? LOL I didn’t know how to explain it!”
  • “Did anyone else get an invitation to this exclusive program during NSO that clearly states on the front for ‘exceptionally engaged students’? Or was that just me XD?”
  • “Does anyone know how they evaluated admissions for pre-orientation programs? Seems so hard because we’re all so accomplished! WELL ANYWAY I GOT INTO FOCI!!!
  • “Here is a picture of my schedule. So hard to pick classes when I was still waiting on all of my AP credits to be confirmed. Is 400 level hard?

2. The Admissions Story Humblebrag: This is one of the most effective humblebrag tactics in the game, especially during your first week on campus. Irresponsibly rewriting your admissions story can gain you instant credibility among your peers. There’s nothing more impactful than making someone feel unreasonably inferior to you for getting into the same elite institution that you did.

Examples:

  • “Honestly, my college counselor told me I could really pick from any school I wanted based on my grades and scores. I was like so upset he couldn’t narrow it down!”
  • “I decided to pick a school based on fit. Screw rankings am I right!?”
  • “Telling my parents that I was going to choose Georgetown over a top 10 school was like really hard.” 

3. The College Class Humblebrag: College is hard. You will do well in some classes, but you will also hopelessly struggle in others, especially if you are heavily involved. That’s why people here take academics pretty seriously. There’s no better way to hit someone at their core than by throwing in some creative tales of classroom interactions that are so over-exaggerated that they might just be believable.

Examples:

  • “Could you believe that the class average on our Macro midterm was a 64!? So glad I scraped by with that 85. Do you think that’s curved to an A? A-?
  • “OMG in my Intro to Ethics class, my professor singled my work in front of all 200 kids in the class!? I was so embarrassed.” (Still effective even if he woke you up from your deep slumber in the front row and commented about how detailed your doodles of Aristotle were.)
  • *After you find a stray syllabus of Madeleine Albright’s class on the ground* “Weirdest thing, Madeleine Albright practically BEGGED ME to take her class today.”
  • “He got a 1.4 on RateMyProfessor, but he grades me like so easily. I didn’t even study for the final and got an A!”

4. The Social Humblebrag: There’s more to college than grades and an effective social humblebrag can be quite the boost to your standing in the absolutely meaningless freshman pecking order. This is where you can get really creative. You can literally say the most ridiculously irrelevant statements to add to your credibility.

Examples:

  • “Dude, I don’t even mind the taste of Burnett’s. Like what’s all the hang up about?”
  • *Throws up after 1 Natty Light* Boot and Rally is my life motto. Seriously, it is. Check my Twitter bio.”
  • “It’s so weird. I got into this party of all seniors last night and I didn’t even have a sick ratio! It was just me and the boys.”
  • I made it into (insert prominent Georgetown student’s name here) Insta last night. It was no big deal, but you can see the side of my head right there back on the Vil A rooftop.

5. The Hoya Relative Humblebrag: Please don’t ask me why, but mentioning that you had an older relative that went to Georgetown immediately catapults you to celebrity status amongst your first-year peers. It’s as if that relationship means you are the social sage of your class. Try to leverage that as much as possible. And if you don’t have any family members that went to Georgetown, just say your distant cousin went to school with Bill Clinton like I did!

Example:

  • “When I visited my older sister, we went out to the Rhino, the Cuates and also the Tombs. I’ve been over the bar scene ever since.”
  • “My cousin basically ran this school, but like I want to forge my own path you know? Hypothetically, do you think our relationship will help me get into the Credit Union though?!”
  • “When my dad went here, there was a pub under Healy. I bet he definitely DFMOed with Maria Shriver.”
  • “My brother said that dorm parties are a thing of the past. I hear Brown House is the new spot. Maybe I can get some of you in?

I hope you take this advice to heart and good luck on weaving that one obscure Leadership Conference you attended during your sophomore year of high school into your NSO introduction!

Gifs: tumblr.com; huffingtonpost.com; mtv.com

‘Twas the Night Before Georgetown Day

twas

T-Minus 1 hour and 23 minutes until Georgetown Day 2014 is upon us and most Hoyas are getting to bed early to prepare for tomorrow’s festivities. We stumbled upon this ingenious status by Ben Maher (SFS ’15) on Facebook and wanted to share its brilliance with the campus. Enjoy!

‘Twas the Night Before Georgetown Day

‘Twas the night before Georgetown Day, when all thro’ Lau 2,
Not a student in sight, they had no work to do;
Hoyas were nestled all snug in their bunks,
Eager to wake up at dawn and get drunk.

Too anxious to sleep, their hearts filled with wonder,
Which among them would be first to chunder;
Salmon shorts hung in the closet with care
In hopes that the keg-and-eggs would soon be there.

And I settled in for some light springtime snoozin’
To catch a little rest ‘fore a long day of boozin’
When on Healy Lawn there arose such a clatter,
I got up and looked to see what was the matter.

Out the window I saw through a blanket of fog
A priest with a mullet, at his feet a bulldog;
I dashed out the door, I couldn’t be quicker,
‘Twas ol’ Johnny Carroll, arms laden with liquor!

The bottles, they clinked and the beer cans, they clanked;
His stumbling gait revealed how much he’d drank;
He put on a bro tank and let out a yell
To be heard from Leo’s to the halls of Darnall.

“Now, André! Now, Franzia! Now, Jack and Jim Beam!
On, Natty! On, Keystone! On, Burnett’s Whipped Cream!”
From the Village A rooftops to White-Gravenor Hall,
Now, drink away! Drink away! Drink away all!”

Then he called me over with a chuckle so hearty
And conjured a vision of the upcoming darty:
There were girls in sundresses splayed out on the lawn;
Freshmen, hunched over toilets, already were gone.

Healy’s grand clock hands bathed in golden rays
While bros stumbled ‘neath in a deep drunken haze;
In ICC classrooms, to professors’ chagrin,
Students sipped out of coffee cups filled all with gin.

And Henle’s ol’ courtyard, so dark and so ratty,
Shone with the luster of crushed cans of Natty;
From up in his tower Jack DeGoia watched
All his happy Hoyas, so free and debauched.

And I knew, feelin’ buzzed in the fair April weather,
How liquor and sun brings the whole school together.
But then Jack the Bulldog gave out a quick bark,
And this glorious vision soon faded to dark.

Johnny Carroll bent down and rubbed the dog’s head,
And before they both vanished, a few words he said;
Grumblin’ and mumblin’ was all that I heard;
He was pretty wasted, his speech was all slurred;
But as to his meaning, well, I have a hunch:
“Happy Georgetown Day to all, and to all a drunk brunch!”

And this version from 2012 by Adam Ramadan (SFS ’14):

‘Twas the night before Georgetown Day, no more a line at Towne
Not a creature was stirring, well maybe a rat at house Brown.
The fridges were stocked, Natty Light all the way,
In hopes that the administration would let us all play.

The students were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of inflatables bounced in their heads.
The security guard in his outfit, and I with my books,
Crossing each other, cold as I shook.

When out on Healy Lawn arose such a clatter,
I sprang from Lauinger to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Peered out of Lau 4 and damn near almost crashed.

Healy Clock on the breast of the new-fallen lawn,
Gave beauty of Georgetown Day past to objects thereon.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a wonderful keg and a beer garden, don’t fear!

With a little old tap, so sturdy and quick,
I knew in a moment this was very ironic.
More rapid than I could have come up with a dream,
I saw in my eyes that silver keg gleam!

Now Natty! now, Keystone! now, Blue Moon and Hatter!
On Shock Top! on Budweiser, don’t continue to clamor!
To the top of Village A! To the top of LXR!
Now Dash away! Dash away! Dash away far!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the rooftops the Georgetown students flew,
With fridges full of beer, and Jack Junior too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard a seesaw,
The prancing and clawing of many a paw.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Jack the Bulldog came with a sound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished from flip-cup and Beirut!
A bundle of goods he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a barista, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! His wrinkles how merry!
His paws were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His slobbery little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hairs of his chin were painted like day-glow.

The body of the orange he held tight in his teeth,
And the orange juice it spilled surrounded him beneath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he barked, because he knew Syracuse was jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old bulldog,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of his drool, dawg.
A wink of his eye and a dip of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but looked rather honest,
Then muttered “Georgetown Day is what you make, so get on it!”
And laying his paw aside the dark night,
And giving a nod, his golf-kart did ignite!

He sprang to his cart, to Jack’s Crew he gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Georgetown Day to all, and to all a good-night!”

5 Reasons Georgetown Students are NOT Ron Swanson

Ron SwaaaIf you haven’t read my friend Emily’s original post 5 Reasons Georgetown Students are Ron Swanson, please do. She’s hilarious and the “Drunk Ron Swanson” gif is life-changing. That being said, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. As an avid fan of “Parks and Recreation” and a meat enthusiast, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say Ron Swanson would never put his coveted stamp of approval on the Georgetown lifestyle. Here’s the evidence to back my claim up.

5 Reasons Georgetown Students are
NOT Ron Swanson:

1. The Government

60% of the Georgetown population identify as government majors, according to a statistic I just made up. They’re everywhere. It makes sense because we live in the nation’s capital with so many amazing opportunities to intern on Capital Hill. Impressive, right? You know who doesn’t care about any of that? Ron Swanson.

2. Burnett’s

4E likes to consider itself the voice of the people, only slightly funnier and much sassier. So we write about Burnett’s and Leo’s. We give the people want the they want. As college students, the options for weekend liquid consumption are limited by our empty wallets and nonexistent credit scores. So we don’t complain when a Vil A only has Natty’s and Burnett’s. It’s expected. It’s understandable. You know who doesn’t understand? Ron Swanson.

3. Sweetgreen

We like to consider ourselves a fairly healthy campus where Lululemon pants and organic lettuce purchases from Whole Foods run rampant. WE LOVE VEGETABLES. In fact, it is difficult  to go a day without seeing one of the paper SweetGreen bags. We love the stuff. How could you not? They use the freshest ingredients and the most filling bread.  Also, it was founded by 2 Georgetown students so it’s a win-win, right? Let’s see what our good friend Ron Swanson has to say about this.

4. Yates

Running in a similar vein, I wonder what Mr. Swanson’s personal statement on exercise is…

5. Social Media

Guys we rock at social media. Post it on Facebook. Tweet it. Instagram it. BLOG it. We’re there. It’s kind of our forté outside of procrastinating and subsequently stressing out about how much we procrastinated. Georgetown was actually ranked #1 in social media influence out of colleges in the DMV area. You know who sucks at social media? Ron Swanson. It’s actually kind of sad as evidenced by the selfie he accidentally vined. #Basic

Stay gold, Ron Swanson. Keep fighting the good fight against the establishment, vegetarianism and technology. It’s a fight you’re sure to win.

Gifs: tumblr.com; Photo: tumblr.com

The Top 25 Hoya Comments of All Time

The HoyaThe Hoya launched a new website this week — an exciting step for anyone who’s ever read anything at thehoya.com, not to mention those of us who put the stories there. But with the upgrade comes the end of an era: no longer will The Hoya facilitate anonymous commenting. That means goodbye to all the informed observers, Hoya fact-checkers and Mao Zedongs who kept the Hoya comment sections lively, and to their comments — the old ones won’t transfer to the new website.

In honor of our most dedicated readers/peanut gallery, we’ve put together a list of the best comments of all time. Actually, it’s more like the past year or so (the most commented section only goes back so far). I would offer a prize to everyone who made this list, but it’d be hard to track you all down. If any anonymouses out there want to come forward, there may be a high five in your future.

Anonymous’ reign may be over, but don’t let named commenting scare you off. Have meaningful, constructive conversations with your peers! …Or just write “derp” with a fake WordPress account.

25. “Council Rules Greco Legitimate Speaker”

Council Rules Greco Legitimate Speaker“Rabble rabble rabble” sets the mood nicely.

 

24. “4 Candidates Secret Society Members”

4 Candidates Secret Society Members 5I can confirm that the ed board says “derp” all the time.

 

23. “4 Candidates Secret Society Members”

4 Candidates Secret Society Members 2Thanks, Asher. Us too.

 

22. “Car Crashes Into Wisey’s Fence”

Car Crashes Into Wisey's FenceWorth it? Worth it.

 

21 & 20. “Forbes Honors Young Alumni”

Forbes Honors Young AlumniA classic spat between anonymouses.

 

19. “In Sudden Shift, University Opts for On-Campus Housing”

In Sudden Shift, University Opts for On-Campus HousingHousing is definitely the hottest of news stories.

 

18. “In DC, Free Parking Could Come at a Cost”

In DC, Free Parking Could Come at a CostHey, everyone deserves a Wisey’s cookie now and then. Even Todd. No, especially Todd.

 

17. “4 Candidates Secret Society Members”

4 Candidates Secret Society Members 4Aren’t we all?

 

16. “From Mascot to Pet: A New Home for JJ”

From Mascot to Pet, a New Home for JJTeam Pup N Suds, come work for us! Be our professional slideshow-namer!  Puparazzi > Puppy Paparazzi.

15. “GUSA Presidential Candidates Spar in Debate”

GUSA Presidential Candidates Spar in Debate 1GUSA articles comments sections done, forever. Just paste this in and it’s all over.

 

14. “4 Candidates Secret Society Members”

4 Candidates Secret Society Members 6It’s just a hot tub! It didn’t know any better!

 

13. “Diversity Lacking in Exec Race”

Diversity Lacking in Exec RaceAgreed, “Keep the USA in GUSA” is pretty great. The commenter behind that phrase, however, peaked when he chose that name, before he wrote his comment. His admirer gets spot 13 instead.

 

12. “Diversity Lacking in Exec Race”

Diversity Lacking in Exec 2Where’s the birth certificate?

 

11. “Fall Study Abroad in Cairo Cancelled”

Fall Study Abroad in Cairo Cancelled 2Sensing a theme here…

 

10. “State of the Race 2014: The results of The Hoya’s door-to-door GUSA poll”

State of the Race 2014Appropriate in 99 percent of Hoya comments sections.

 

9. “4 Candidates Secret Society Members”

4 Candidates Secret Society Members 7Todd, you didn’t have to be anonymous before! It’s OK if you’re still upset about the cookies.

 

8. “Gruber Discusses Safe Rides, Student Guards”

Gruber Discusses Safe Rides, Student GuardsAnonymous, come work for us too. We need you to ask the tough questions. You and Pup N Suds would be the dream team.

 

7. “On Georgetown’s Overreaction”

On Georgetown's OverreactionAnonymous, your dream has come true! This one’s for you. <3

 

6. “Fall Study Abroad in Cairo Cancelled”

Fall Study Abroad in Cairo CancelledTouché, Anonymous. Touché.

 

5. “The Wolf of O Street”

Wolf of O Street 2Don’t they listen on their tours?

 

4. “4 Candidates Secret Society Members”

4 Candidates Secret Society Members 3A proverb passed down for generations.

 

3. “At Rhino, a New Way of Getting Carded”

At Rhino, a New Way of Getting CardedJesus has spoken.

 

2. “The Wolf of O Street”

Wolf of O Street 1If you’re ever feeling down, read about OldTattooedGuy and know that your life could be worse. OldTattooedGuy, you’ve made it through some tough times. We salute you.

 

1. “SAE’s Inconsistent Pledge”

Number 1 - SAE's Inconsistent PledgeAmen, Trollin’. Amen.

The Five People You Meet at Yates

A Guest Post by Meg Rizza
A Guest Post by Meg Lizza

We all know that Hoyas like to keep it fit. We are an overly-ambitious bunch and we work just as hard in the gym as in the classroom. After some exhausting observations, I have discovered that there are some very specific types that can be found at Yates.

The Lululemon Queen
This specimen is very easy to spot. It is not only due to her perfectly coordinated outfit, but also her $50 neon headband. But hey, give her a break, she works out hard. Not only is she working to keep that bod “Lululemon” acceptable by being the connoisseur of the elliptical, but she is constantly making the trek to their store on M street to check out the newest must-have.

We understand, Lululemon Queen.
We understand, Lululemon Queen.

The Professor
It may be a little awkward at first, but bumping into your professor at Yates isn’t such a bad thing. At least he or she knows now that you do other things besides watch Netflix, procrastinate, and drink Natty Light. They need to blow off some steam too and though they may be doing it in a Turkey Trot 5k T-shirt from 1999 and those somehow always perfectly clean white New Balances, we’ll let them off the hook.

The Athlete
You see their shoes … enough said. Just step aside.

The Wanderer
Usually a male, the wanderer is very mysterious. You never see him on a machine but somehow he is always profusely sweating. He seems to be aimlessly walking around the gym, headphones in, bravado high, and a pseudo-purpose that’s not fooling anybody. The only work out he is getting is with his eyes, as he creepily checks out the line of girls on the treadmills.

You're not fooling us, Wanderer!
You’re not fooling us, Wanderer!

You
Then there’s you. You’re pretty proud of yourself just for getting your lazy self all the way to Yates. You have your routine, but it’s nothing special. Sometimes you pretend you know what you’re doing and really hope by the grace of God that no one else can sense your uncertainty. It’s OK, everyone knows that you’re just working out to no longer feel guilty about taking two helpings on Chicken Finger Thursday.

Photo: everyguyed.com; Gifs: tumblr.com

Bradley Cooper Was (Possibly) Here

Bradley-Cooper-1920x1200Of the many Georgetown traditions held dear in Hoyas’ hearts, 4E has a special love for the partaking in the “I Found Bradley Cooper And Took a Picture With (Of) Him” game. A combination of a simple bird watching hike and the Hunger Games, the quest to find and photograph demands dedication, bravery and sharp eyes. Every time our lovable, Oscar-nominated alumnus shows his heart-melting smile on campus, the Georgetown community goes into a rabid frenzy, and here at 4E we do our best to steer the frantic masses with live updates of sightings. In honor of the fearless Bradley stalkers who so generously share their pictures and current locations despite risk to life and limb, we present the 4E Bradley Spotting Hall of Fame, complete with survivor testimony:

Billy and Bradley“I always take pictures with people who beat me in basketball, and when everyone started liking this one I figured it must be someone important. Turns out it was Matt Damon!”  – W. S. Millerbrad2

“Eighth time down M Street in search of Brad and what to my tired eyes should appear? There he was all along, looking so perfect it was as if he were photoshopped.”  – J. Walshhealy“It was a beautiful, sunny day. I walked onto campus and there he was! Bradley Cooper before my eyes! I quickly snapped a photo of him, and it turned out so well!” – S. W. Quad
Bradley1“It happened just like I had always dreamed it would: Out of the middle of a crowd, his piercing blue eyes met mine and that radiant smile made me feel larger than life.” – L. O’Donovan

2009 Armed Forces Inaugural Committee

“I was at the inauguration and there he was. I couldn’t see President Obama but I could see Bradley’s sparkling white teeth and mystical gaze!” – Joe B. Carroll

Photo Feb 25, 9 10 11 PM

“I was texting on the way to class and glanced up and saw that god of a man emerging from Leavey. Tried to sprint to him but a horde of freshmen trampled me. … I still got the picture though.” – S. Henleson Photo Feb 25, 9 11 41 PM “Saw some black cars outside Healy and remembered that Brad drove a black car in Limitless, so I’m pretty sure thats him in the second one. The windows are pretty tinted but if you squint you can see his flowing golden locks.” – V. C. Westfield

Keep your eyes peeled and cameras poised, fellow Cooper aficionados, and don’t hesitate to let us know when you next spot our elusive star (or someone in a baseball cap and glasses who vaguely resembles him). You never know when he’ll appear on campus!

Photos: hdw.eweb4.com, wikimedia, Courtesy Billy Bowers, Hollywood Reporter, Team Bradley Cooper, Kathleen McMahon for The Hoya

BuzzFeed Quizzes: The Obsession Is Real

So Many QuizzesImagine you are sitting in your last class of the day. Staring at your laptop screen, you’ve already memorized the new season’s collection of whichever website you are currently browsing. Additionally, despite constantly refreshing Facebook every five minutes, you still haven’t seen anything new come up. Things are looking bleak. Suddenly, something pops up: a link posted on someone’s wall. It’s a BuzzFeed quiz! A quiz that could not be more pertinent to the exciting roller coaster that is your life. A quiz that will only further unlock the complex inner workings of your mind, body and soul: The “What Sandwich Are You?” Quiz. Answer: Soggy Veggie Wrap.

To be honest, I would have preferred getting a grilled cheese over a soggy veggie wrap. Why couldn’t it have been just a plain veggie wrap? Regardless, I know once I start with one of these BuzzFeed quizzes, I cannot stop. My first click on another quiz soon turns into wondering, “Where did the last few hours go?” Perhaps this is more of a personal addiction, but I like to believe I’m not alone in this.

Now, I don’t want to imply that most of the learning I’ve done recently has been through BuzzFeed, but I’m not going to deny it either. All I will say is I now know that the country I should live in is Spain, the arbitrary thing I would be is the New York Times leisure section and I most identify with Leslie Knope out of all of the “Parks and Recreation” characters. I mean, Hoyas, at the end of the day, if you don’t know which classic diva you are, I’d argue maybe you do not know enough. Madonna, by the way, for those still interested in my results.

Without a doubt, BuzzFeed quizzes should have some sort of “warning: highly addictive” sign attached to them. 4E is not advocating another distraction from the piles and piles of work you guys have during midterm season – you already have 4E for that. But who wouldn’t want to know that her future career could be vice president in the midst of studying for a “Comparative Political Systems” midterm?

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So, we at 4E have compiled our own selection of BuzzFeed quizzes, because if you can’t learn everything for your midterm, you might as well learn what your true hidden talent is:

Photos: tumblr.com, metro.us