After a lovely summer abroad in Paris, France, I am back in my even lovelier home state, New Jersey. While I often frequent New York City, I definitely am much more accustomed to the suburban lifestyle (i.e. using cars as my main method of transportation). With that in mind, my six weeks of relying exclusively on the metro (and sometimes sketchy Ubers) brought about quite a few surprises. Here are the five weirdest things I saw on the Paris metro:
I straight up witnessed a man ALMOST fall onto a baby stroller, which prompted the mother to burst into tears. In his defense, he was not close to touching the baby so the reaction was a bit unwarranted. That being said, the only thing I’m THAT protective over is my dog, and if someone almost stepped on him, I’d probably cry, too.
I watched a man dig his finger in his ear for twenty minutes straight. Seriously. Twenty minutes. I hope he found what he was looking for.
I watched everyone check themselves out in the metro doors. I can’t even make a joke about it though because I did the same thing each and every time. Those things seriously make great mirrors.
I witnessed a man who was so drunk he was lying on the station floor and his friends quite literally had to drag him onto the metro. Don’t ride the metro alone at 2 a.m. kids, or this is what you’ll see:
I saw a man wearing a shirt that said “Massive🐔”. Comment dit-on “overcompensation?”
And there ya have it folks. Stay safe using public transportation.
As the final days of summer 2017 wind down and you start getting ready to argue with your parents about packing the car return to your home on the Hilltop, we here at 4E have compiled another helpful guide to the Most Important Things to Happen This Summer (Part II). Look no further for a definitive list of things to talk about when your TA goes around the room on the first day of class and makes everyone say one interesting thing about their summer.
1. The Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme Became a Thing
The Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme is the hero we didn’t know we needed. In the midst of a summer full of fidget spinning and erratic tweeting, the Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme arrived to distract and delight us with his iconic dance moves. Easily identified by his signature green headphones and charming soft smile, the Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme is one summer trend you’ll want to check out before it becomes unbearably annoying in the next few days.
2. Macauley Culkin Glowed Up
As evidenced by the massive popularity of HGTV home-improvement shows such as Fixer Upper and Flip or Flop, there’s nothing America loves more than a good Glow Up (also known as a “makeover”, for all my non-millennial readers out there). And Macauley Culkin is no exception. The actor best known for surprising home intruders certainly surprised us this summer with his stunning transformation. He initially went from being an adorable child star to being a not-so-adorable regular person, but these days, Macauley has reignited his film career and is looking better than ever! We here at 4E think that Mr. Culkin is giving Justin Timberlake a run for his money for the title of cutest former 90s icon.
3. Game of Thrones is a hit
This particular writer has never actually watched Game of Thrones, but social media assures me it is all the rage. Based on what I’ve seen from scrolling through my Facebook timeline and looking at magazine covers while waiting in line at the grocery store, it takes place somewhere cold, magic is part of it, and there is a character named “John Snow”. Also Ed Sheeran is a cast member. Based on that, I am pretty sure it’s like Harry Potter but with singing. Feel free to contact me and let me know if I’m correct. Also feel free to contact me and give me your HBO GO password so I can finally figure out what all the hype is about.
4. Chris Pratt and Anna Farris Broke Up
After the devastation of Josh not inviting Drake to his wedding back in June, I didn’t think summer 2017 could get much worse in terms of famous couples breaking up. But as you may have heard, I was wrong: Chris Pratt and Anna Farris officially announced their separation. Fans of Parks and Recreation and the Scary Movie franchise were heartbroken. If this adorable, hilarious couple couldn’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us gross, boring couples out there in the real world? For the rest of 2017, we need to protect Kim and Kanye at all costs.
5. Donald Trump and His Staff Broke Up
In a series of less-surprising public break ups, President Donald Trump parted ways with several high-ranking White House staffers this summer. First to go was Press Secretary and former White House Easter Bunny, Sean Spicer. While Spicer spent most of his tenure hiding in bushes and rewriting history in the briefing room, his time at the White House nevertheless gave us a chance to see Melissa McCarthy’s comedic genius shine on Saturday Night Live, and for that, we are thankful. Next up was Chief of Staff and guy who purposely used the word “nothingburger” to describe allegations of Russian collusion on live TV, Reince Priebus. Priebus is perhaps best known for being the shortest-serving Chief of Staff in American history, as well as looking uncomfortable in every photograph ever taken of him (see: google images for verification). Finally, after just 11 days, Trump bid farewell to Communications Director and probable future star of a The Sopranos reboot, Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci. The Mooch’s crowning achievements during his all-too-brief tenure include missing the birth of his son to attend a rally and using some “PG-13” language in a notorious on-the-record interview that is probably not in accordance with Georgetown’s Jesuit values.
So there you have it: all the important things you need to know that have happened this summer. From all of us here at 4E, enjoy the last few days of freedom before you’re back in a cubicle on Lau 5.
While it seems like just yesterday we were gracing the floors of Lau with our last-minute study guides and caffeine-fueled tears, Summer 2017 is officially in full swing nevertheless. We know it can be hard to keep up with the headlines when you’re away from the Hilltop, so we here at 4E have compiled a convenient list of the most important things to happen this summer (so far). Take a break from lying in bed binge-watching Netflix working hard at your prestigious internship and enjoy!
Taylor Swift Put Her Music Back on Spotify Like many of you, I endured the #struggle of having to actually purchase songs on iTunes after Taylor took all her music off of Spotify back in 2014 (full disclosure: “Shake It Off” is my anthem. I will likely walk down the aisle at my wedding to this song.) But a few weeks ago, T-Swift fans across the globe rejoiced as her songs suddenly reappeared on the music-streaming platform. Adding to the drama, this move not-so-coincidentally came on the same day as the album release of her famous frenemy, Katy Perry. In other words, Taylor Swift has taken the definition of “petty” to a whole new level this summer.
Beyoncé Had Twins As expected, Beyoncé gave birth to twins and continued her reign of ruling the universe that began way back in 1999 upon the release of “Say My Name.” While pictures of her twins have not yet been released at the time of this publication, we can confirm that they will undoubtedly be cooler and more stylish than I could ever hope to be, as evidenced by the fact that their older sister Blue Ivy is already way ahead of me in terms of both coolness and style.
“The Floor Is” Became the Hottest Meme Like many of you, our primary form of communication here at 4E is tagging one another in memes on various social media platforms. Based on our own personal experience, we can definitively say that “The Floor Is” is the hottest meme of the summer so far. For those of you who are over the age of 23 and/or those of you who somehow don’t spend every waking moment staring at your phone, here is Knowyourmeme.com’s official definition to help you better understand: “The Floor Is… refers to an exploitable two-panel photo series featuring a person avoiding the floor, as they would in The Floor is Lava/Hot Lava Game. It has been used to make image macros about actions that one person will try their best to avoid doing.” See visual examples below.
The Trump Administration Left the Paris Climate Agreement This pretty much sums it up…
Josh Peck Didn’t Invite Drake Bell to His Wedding This one is by far the saddest moment of the summer and possibly even the saddest thing to happen to anyone ever. Josh did not invite the other half of “Drake and Josh: to his wedding. Across the world, millennials wept and wondered: how could this happen? Where did it all go wrong? Did we do something to cause this? Was Megan somehow involved? We may never know what exactly spurred the saddest breakup since the Jonas Brothers disbanded, but we can only hope that these two “brothas” will eventually move beyond this tragedy and hug it out.
So there you have it: the most important things to happen this summer…so far. Stay tuned for our next edition, and in the meantime, enjoy your summers!
As you begin to recover from the aftermath of Georgetown Day, we regret to inform that it’s officially Finals Season. And if you can’t stand the thought of spending the next two weeks studying in hell Lau, fear not: we here at 4E have got you covered with some of the best hidden study spots on this side of the Potomac.
1. The Library of Congress
Located in the heart of D.C., the Library of Congress is the perfect place to reenact scenes from National Treasure get some serious and productive studying done! Visiting the Library of Congress is a great opportunity to try to finally figure out the whole GUTS bus/Metro system, get frustrated after three minutes, and resort to calling an Uber like you always do. Once you get there, be sure to blatantly ignore the library rules and take plenty of pictures of your beautiful surroundings- you can send some to your parents as proof that your college experience also involves some non-Burnetts-related activities !
4E Fun Fact: My own Library of Congress card has the unique distinction of being the only picture of me in existence that is worse than the one on my GoCard.
2. The Aisles of Vital Vittles
If you’re too lazy to venture more than five minutes from campus looking for something a little closer to your Hilltop home, there are still plenty of options. One of Georgetown’s best study spots is located in the aisles of Vittles. This is exactly what it sounds like: just grab your backpack, go sit on the floor of the campus grocery store and get to work! Trust us, all the cool kids are doing it. As you study, you can enjoy the questioning stares of your fellow Hoyas while munching on one of the snacks you settled for because they were inexplicably out of your top five snack food choices.
4E Bonus Tip: If you’re feeling really adventurous, go study in the lone aisle of Snaxa.
Home to sophomores who skipped every “What’s a Hoya?” and freshmen who weren’t told this was even an option during their GAAP weekend, Village C East is truly a hidden treasure. Frequently forgotten and perpetually overlooked in favor of its better-known sibling to the west, VCE is basically the Jeb Bush of Georgetown dormitories. So while it may be “low-energy,” sometimes that’s exactly what you need after another wasted night spent in the distraction-filled mosh pit known as Lau 2 during finals. I personally recommend grabbing a spot at the tables in the laundry room, mostly because it reminds me of a simpler time, during freshman year, when I actually did my laundry on a regular basis instead of wearing the same pair of jeans for a week straight and hoping no one notices.
4. The ICC Bathrooms
We’ve all been there: your professor assigns you a “collaborative final project” and everyone in your group is a total stranger. You’re probably freaking out- group projects are soooo awkward! But luckily, we here at 4E have found a quick fix to your problem: the ICC bathrooms. Spending time in uncomfortably-close physical proximity is a surefire way to get to know each other. And what better place to build this camaraderie than in the inexplicably-tiny restrooms of the Edward B. Bunn S.J. Intercultural Center? Just think of all the built-in conversation starters that will help break the ice: “Why are we working in a bathroom?” “This is so weird”- you’re sure to be best friends in no time! And best of all, you won’t have any of that pesky “reliable wifi access” to distract you from the task at hand.
4E Bonus Tip: If you’re really looking to get close with your peers, head on over to the White-Gravenor bathrooms, which have the cool added bonus of being extremely small and extremely old.
5. John Kerry’s House
Now that the Secret Service agents outside of his house are gone, this basically means we all have an open invitation to go hang out with Johnny K whenever we want. Though I personally have never actually been inside his home, I’m assuming it’s extremely classy (John Kerry is pretty much as #bougie as it gets- here’s a picture of a him on a yacht with JFK) and it also probably has pretty decent wifi, because we all know how much former Secretaries of State like to send emails!
Disclaimer: Yes, I know that joke was terrible, but I got yelled at for writing too many articles roasting Trump, so just consider this my attempt at being bipartisan). Additionally, the Kerrster can totally help you study for your IR final, and will almost-definitely be down to walk across the street with you for a Wingo’s study break
*Side Note: If anyone ever actually sees John Kerry at Wingo’s, please alert me immediately.
So there you have it- five ways to shake up your study routine this finals season. Best of luck from all of us here at 4E, and please remember to keep procrastinating by reading our articles!
Welcome to Georgetown, new Hoyas! Your friends at 4E are so excited to meet you next year! Before you arrive, hopefully you’re going to GAAP Weekend so you can celebrate and learn more about us, regular ole Hoyas. If you are, here’s how to scam the most out of free food this GAAP Weekend.
8:30 AM on Friday – Go to St. Mary’s for breakfast. They without a doubt have the best spread. From fresh fruit to small pieces of banana bread, the NHS (School of Nursing and Health Studies for the newbies) has too much food and not enough people to share it with.
1:45 PM on Friday – For those who want to be extra ~cultured~ be sure to hit up the SFS for some Qdoba. However, if you’re not about that, then go to the MSB. If you have to venture into ~The Snake Den~ for anything, it might as well be good food from a fancy restaurant.
6:00 PM on Friday – Starving after Convocation and can’t wait the 30 minutes it will probably take to walk to Tombs and get food? Walk for 1 minute instead from Healy to the ICC for the Multicultural Reception! It might will definitely be the best food you’ve had all day!
9:00 AM on Saturday – You could go to Leo’s for breakfast, and it will probably definitely be the best Leo’s you’ll have in your Georgetown career, or you could knock on an unsuspecting upperclassmen’s Vil A door and beg food from them. No doubt they’ll take pity on you and attempt to give you something better (choose the door wisely).
12:00 PM on Saturday – Want free food AND clothing? Come to Red Square so that clubs can inevitably try to bribe you to join once you get here! The free swag and food ranging from Hershey’s Kisses to slices of pizza will be worth it. I promise.
Your friends at 4E sincerely hope that this list has helped you to scam the most food out of your GAAP Weekend and make it one you’ll never forget!
After everyone’s favorite grimy bar got raided a few too many times and decided to be a whole lot pickier about who they let in, a lot of underage Georgetown students are left wondering – what next? Where else can I spend my Wednesday nights partying? Is there another spot I can flock to on a typical dead Georgetown Friday night? While no one has come up with a perfect solution yet, here are 4E’s 7 alternatives to Piano Bar.
If you’re still looking to go out and have a good time, try Chi Di! What’s one rejection when you can have two in one night? Have you gotten a little too comfortable with your fake? Definitely give it a go despite multiple texts reporting cops surrounding the club.
A rejection from Chi Di not enough to kill your party mood? The next move is a random club in downtown DC. You’re guaranteed to meet people almost twice your age, and if you wait in line long enough, you might even get to realize that Ultra is not nearly as large as they make it out to be.
However, if you’re a homebody and trying to stay near campus, why not try CVS on Wisconsin? I’m not kidding; this place is a goldmine. They have everything from snacks, to makeup, to Donald Trump shot glasses!
Why not make it an early night at Epi? Sometimes Epi is more lit than the party (or in this case, Piano) itself. You’re guaranteed to see at least one person you know (and you know you wanted that quesadilla more than you wanted to be sweating it out on the dirty dance floor of Piano anyway).
If you’re the typical Georgetown student who likes to talk about how much work they have, but never actually does it, why not spend the extra time studying? I hear (but don’t know from personal experience) Lau is open 24 hours a day. You can probably get some quality work done, considering your of age peers will be enjoying the bar you couldn’t get into.
Go to bed. Literally every single time I ask someone how they’re doing, they say tired. Instead of taking laps around Piano and waiting for the bartender to notice you until 2 AM, why not get some quality sleep in? Maybe the next day you won’t have to ban your roommate from drying her hair so that you can nap (sorry, Chiara!).
Stay in! Why risk it? It’s much safer to be caught partying by your RA than by the police. Grab some friends and have a good old sleepover filled with rounds of “Never Have I Ever” and “Truth or Dare.” I promise you’ll learn more about them that way than shouting over Piano’s sometimes cringey, sometimes decent music. These are just a few ideas for what you can do after being rejected from Piano, but feel free to explore other alternatives. Whatever you decide, 4E hopes you stay safe out there in this newly dangerous Georgetown bubble.
Remember decorating lockers in middle school? Laptop stickers are the college version of this timeless activity. But now, instead of decorating a metal cubby that you once saw in a photo from 1973 , you’re decorating an expensive computer that you’ll rely on for at least 4 years. What do your stickers (or things that you thought would make you seem cool, let’s be real) say about you?
But first, the basics:
No stickers? Congrats, you’re a full-blown adult. We’re all proud. Stop reading this and go back to The Wall Street Journal.
Stickers on a laptop case? Just like me with my constantly changing major, you’re unwilling to commit.
Stickers on the laptop? Bold. Determined. Committed to your ideals. Really sorry, but you might not be the next President after all.
The stickers themselves:
Hamilton-related: Yep, you’re part of the problem. Good job, liberal elite.
GoPro: How was your last ski vacation? I’m sure that you looked super cool with that camera on your helmet. Can I see the video? Was there a soundtrack?
H*yas for Choice: We’re all fans. But are you really in the club? Thinking that the answer is no.
Anything “The Office”-related: Congrats on loving such an obscure show!
GUAFSCU/GUSIF: You’re impressive. I understand. You crushed that application and business professional attire.
“Oh, Kale Yeah!”: Are you vegan? LMK. @vegans_at_leos.
Hillary Clinton campaign: Leave that one up until it fades to nothing, please.
Patagonia, or a variation on their logo: Thank you for supporting this grassroots company, you’re really helping them get off the ground and make a difference in society. Also, it’s super cool that the logo was modified to fit the mountain that you visited recently, how unique!
Hometown sticker: Home is where the heart is! Which right now, realistically, is in your laptop, so this fits!
It’s officially midterm season, which means that there’s a good chance you’re procrastinating by reading this article somewhere in Lau. And if you’re searching for some more ways to avoid doing work, look no further: here’s a refresher on the five types of “Laufits” most frequently seen in everyone’s favorite architectural monstrosity.
1. The “Kendall Jenner”
The basic look: Heels. A “going out” top. Jeans that cost more than your meal plan. Something cool like a hat or red lipstick that you definitely couldn’t pull off if you tried.
When they’re not busy making you feel bad about the fact that you noticeably haven’t washed your hair in several days, the owner of this outfit can usually be found making the awkward walk from the elevators to Midnight look like a graceful strut down a fashion week runway. There’s a good chance that you follow them on Instagram. There’s a better chance that they do not follow you back.
2. The “Intern”
The basic look: J. Crew. Ann Taylor. Brooks Brothers. A Capitol Hill ID badge that they are inexplicably still wearing at 11 p.m. on a Wednesday in the middle of a college library.
You can usually find the wearer of this outfit carefully crafting their next insightful and completely necessary political post on Facebook or mapping out the logistics of their future GUSA presidential campaign two years ahead of time. There’s a good chance you follow them on LinkedIn. There’s a better chance that they were the ones who requested to follow you.
3. The “Self-Proclaimed Gym Rat”
The basic look: Neon running shoes. A headband. A Fitbit. Something from Lululemon. A yoga mat casually tucked under their arm. A conspicuous lack of actual sweat on any of these items.
Those who rock the standard “SPGR” attire are usually found loitering in Midnight. They may be found loudly commenting on how their favorite flavor of Vitamin Water Zero and/or Cliff Bar is out of stock while openly inquiring as to why they aren’t allowed to use the Thompson Center, or insisting that they could have been a varsity walk-on “if they tried.” There’s a good chance that you also just saw them take the elevator instead of the stairs to get to Lau 2 in the first place.
4. The “Guy Who Was at Jersey Night Until He Remembered He Had a Paper Due at 9 A.M.”
The Basic Look: Hair Gel. Pit Stains. An Allen Iverson/Alonzo Mourning/Patrick Ewing jersey. A New Jersey accent. An ID from a state that is not New Jersey.
Unlike the “Self-Proclaimed Gym Rat,” the person wearing this outfit is definitely actually sweating. And yelling. And attempting to simultaneously type and sober up, but not doing a very good job at either. This stylish individual is likely to be found taking way too long to figure out what they want from the vending machine and saying some variation of “Dude, seriously it was so lit, you gotta go next week” to every other person who walks by.
5. The “Lau 5”
The basic look: A sweatshirt. A pair of sweatpants, but not the “cute and cozy” kind that are moderately acceptable to wear in public. A baseball cap. Uggs, Crocs, or some combination of the two.
(Disclaimer: this is not an exaggeration. I once saw an actual human being wearing an Ugg on one foot and a Croc on the other on Lau 5 at 2 a.m. during finals week and it was one of the scariest things I have ever seen in my entire life. Please let me know if you have any potential information regarding this individual’s whereabouts because I want to make sure they’re alright.)
The true devotees of the classic “Lau 5” aesthetic are, of course, most frequently found in their natural habitat on the top floor. But rumor has it that if you wait patiently until the early hours of the morning, you can see them briefly emerge near that weird coffee vending machine on Lau 2. Should you be so lucky as to witness this rare occurrence, be sure to remember the most basic rule of Lau-etiquette: never ask someone wearing the full-blown “Lau 5” Laufit “How’s it going?” You will only be met with a long, sad answer involving an unreliable TA, a “quizlet” mishap, and a copious amount of tears.
So there you have it: five of the most popular Laufits. Consider what your Laufit says about you the next time you head on over to see if there are any more lemon poppy seed muffins left at Midnight write that big paper well ahead of the deadline!
Lent is here and you know what that means: the classic forfeit of chocolate, the avoidance of french fries and the (unpromising) theory of exercising more often.
Chalk it up to one word?Boring!
Instead of the old, dull suggestions of the past, why not try some innovative ideas that call for real sacrifice? Here are some of our proposals:
1. Give up peeling bananas.
Sound hard to you? Exactly. How are you going to open it? A friend? A knife? Are you going to avoid bananas the entire Lenten season? Let us know.
2. Give up smiling awkwardly at people you sort-of know when you walk past them.
I know it’s hard, but that’s the point of Lent. Keep a straight face, avoid eye contact or run away! Whatever is easiest, really.
3. Give up opening your mouth when you laugh.
Chuckle softly, or not at all!
4. Give up wearing socks.
Whether you opt for sandals or challenge yourself with sneakers, this will definitely keep you on your toes. (Get it?!)
5. Give up eye contact altogether.
Shyly bat your lashes toward the ground to let people know you’re avoiding eye contact. They should catch on pretty quickly!
6. Give up all candy flavors except for grape.
Relish in the incredibly medicine-like taste of grape, a feeling you won’t know you can stand until you are forced to.
7. Give up sleep between the hours of 3:15a.m. and 4:45a.m.
Set an alarm and keep your body constantly alert to change!
8. Give up contacts, glasses or any other aids to your vision.
Whether you’re mildly impaired or actually blind, this is a challenge to not only you but the people around you!
9. Give up the use of your hands.
Pick up items with the strength of your toes if you have dropped something. Otherwise, kindly ask an acquaintance to do literally everything for you!
10. Give up Piano Bar.
11. Give up stopping for pedestrians.
Got a car? Make a point! Though dangerous, this Lenten promise will really challenge you!
12. Give up the letter “E.”
Paprs, -mails, and prtty much any tchnological communication may b slightly mor difficult, but if you put your mind to it, you can do anything!
13. Give up the temperatures between 70 and 78 degrees.
Often the comfortable temperatures for a generally cold person, give up familiarity and either shiver or sweat yourself to sleep!
14. Give up opening doors.
Trying to get out of your classroom? Let someone else help you out. Trying to get into a car? Just let that Uber driver know you need his assistance. How about a way out of your dorm room? Kick it down like Jack Bauer or loudly cry until a concerned neighbor comes to your aid.
15. Give up turning left.
Live on the wild side and avoiding turning left at all costs. It’ll hurt your brain and annoy your friends, but it’s sure to keep you occupied during Lent!
January 20th 2017 is an important date for two reasons. First, it marks the inauguration of our nation’s 45th President and ushers in a new and unprecedented era in American history. Secondly, and much more importantly, it’s an official Georgetown University holiday, which means that we all get to be MSB students for a day and share in the luxurious experience of having no Friday classes! So if you’re searching for a fun way to spend your day off, look no further: we here at 4E have got you covered with some tips and tricks for the perfect Inauguration Day party.
Find the perfect spot to host
When you’re searching for the right place to throw your Inauguration Day bash, we recommend you choose a different location from wherever you hosted your Election Night party a few months ago- after all, nothing ruins a good party faster than terrifying flashbacks! Your best bet in terms of location is definitely the Village A rooftop. While you can’t really see the Capitol building from the roof, you can see the Washington Monument, which we all know provides the perfect patriotic background for that inevitable Inauguration Day Instagram, which you’ll probably post with an original, hilarious caption like #MakeAmericaLITagain
Invite some VIPs
To quote our next President, your party can’t be full of “losers and haters,” so when it comes to making your guest list, be sure to go the extra mile. Actually, you don’t even have to go a whole mile- just walk the few blocks to John Kerry’s house and invite him to your awesome party. He obviously can’t RSVP to your Facebook event for security reasons, so your safest bet is definitely to just go knock on his door and ask him face to face. His secret service agents totally won’t mind as long as you remember to extend the invitation to them as well. In the meantime, wander around campus and you’ll probably run into frequent Dahlgren Chapel-attendee, Joe Biden, or Georgetown’s favorite son and America’s favorite almost-first-husband, Bill Clinton. And after this election cycle, these guys are definitely ready to kick back and party, so be sure to toss an invite their way.
Make a playlist
No Inauguration Day party would be complete without the musical stylings of Trump’s new best friend, Kanye West. After the craziness known as the 2016 election, I don’t think any of us would even be surprised at this point if Kanye somehow ended up with a Cabinet position. In fact, we’re calling it now: we think a Trump/West 2020 ticket is in our future (in four years, remember you heard it here at 4E first!). And if Kanye’s ascent into the political arena is imminent, we must enjoy his musical genius while we still can. So at your party, be sure to “Runaway” from your fears about the next four years, ignore all those fake news stories and focus on the “Facts (Charlie Heat Version)” and remember that we can still be “Stronger” together even though Donald Trump will soon have all that “POWER” to “Run This Town.”
Choose beverages wisely
If you’re still feeling patriotic and want to make a political statement at your party, follow President Obama’s lead by enacting your own symbolic sanctions against Russia in the most college-way possible: boycotting Russian-brand vodka. In terms of what you can realistically afford, this basically means no Russian Standard and no Stolichnaya. Don’t worry, Smirnoff doesn’t count. If you’re looking for an alternative, we here at 4E recommend everyone’s favorite delicious (and American-made!) vodka, Burnett’s. For more information on this flavored poison refreshing beverage, check out some of our diligent research here.
There you have it: a few simple tips and tricks to make your Inauguration Day one to remember. And finally before we go, if you’re reading this, Mr. Trump (and based on your bizarre social media habits, there’s sadly good chance that you actually are), we wish you luck. Despite our differences, we hope that you prove us wrong and use these next four years to help lead our country in the right direction. But in the meantime, we here at 4E will continue to contribute to the “crooked media” by low key roasting you on a regular basis. Here’s to the next four years, neighbor.