50 Things Better Than SaxaNet

Despite being 3 months into a school year that has graced us with new Leo’s and a NUG, we still have no new SaxaNet. Maybe this is a cry for help or just an attempt to make sure that we live in a constant state of stress, but one thing is for sure: 4E is here to remind you of all of the things better than our current SaxaNet!

1 . GuestNet.

2. Wisey’s Rat. A cultural icon.

3. NUG (New Uncommon Grounds).

4. Being swerved by Patrick Ewing for a selfie.

5. A closed Quick Pita #neverforget #foreverinourhearts.

6. Sleeping on the ground, waiting for a speaker while it rains (HRC event last year I’m looking at you).

7. The VW Bus in Leo’s.

8. JT3.

9. Just getting up to the Vill A rooftops as the parties are being shut down.

10. Meek Mill getting arrested before Hoya Madness.

11. The President DeGioia Fathead on Vil A.

12. The lines at Whisk at 9 am.

13. Chik-Fil-A closing at 7 pm on a weeknight.

14. Class in St. Mary’s and then in Walsh 15 minutes later.

15. Drinking with your parents.

16. The 2008 Leo’s norovirus outbreak.

17. Walking up the Regents stairs.

18. Rain during the Farmer’s Market.

19. Rats scurrying across your path on the way to Lau 2.

20. The lack of soy milk AND a working blender at Midnight MUG.

21. The football team’s losing season (1-7).

22. Our rivalry with the Georgetown neighborhood.

23. Maintenance request response rates.

24. The lack of a Metro stop in Georgetown.

25. Walking up the Exorcist Steps.

26. LXR.

27. The one hour three hour wait for Cosí last year (#gonebutneverforgotten).

28. The Walsh elevator.

29. The emergence of Darnall as a #lit dorm.

30. Being rejected from Blue and Gray AND The Corp AND GUASFCU (Thanks Georgetown meme page for showing accurate feels!).

31. Going to Wisey’s at 11:15 pm and finding it closed.

32. The line on Tapingo for Bulldog at 8:01pm (#55thinlinereactsonly).

33. Meeting yet ANOTHER member of the #DirtyJerz during NSO.

34. The Lau fire alarm going off in the middle of midterms season.

35. Sweetgreen’s move to Wisconsin.

36. FINALLY seeing Jack on campus, but he’s not up for photos.

37. Using the last of your flex dollars.

38. Being such a Lau regular that the security guard recognizes doesn’t ask for your GoCard.

39. Starbucks not accepting your free drinks.

40. Paying for Chick-Fil-A.

41. Lau as an entity.

42. The prices at the bookstore.

43. Hilltoss’ new menu.

44. Only getting free samples of apples and peaches from the Farmer’s Market because you spent all of your money.

45. Taking your midterm and realizing that ~studying memes~ on Lau 4 last night did not help.

46. Getting to Farmers Fishers Bakers at 10:35am (just missing First Bake) and having no breakfast.

47. Eating at downstairs Leo’s.

48. Getting to class after your professor has started speaking.

49. Getting rejected from Piano in addition to getting your fake taken.

50. Reading this article using GuestNet.

As much as we complain about it, we can appreciate like understand Saxanet and its dysfunction. Hopefully by next finals season we’ll have a better version to hate!

Photos/GIFS: giphy.com, facebook.com, pinterest.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 12/4/17)

Congrats, guys. We’ve made it to the last week of classes. Good luck with finals after this week! Enjoy this week’s vibes on 4E’s latest playlist:

  1. WinSiempre – Boge and a Backpack – Kaji Gray (prod. WinSiempre)
    https://soundcloud.com/smi53/boge-and-a-backpack-kaji-gray-prod-winsiempre
  2. Rajitheone – #WhiteGirlVoice
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4TkGhMYlkcbxCMj3pny9mU
  3. 6LACK – Learn Ya
    https://open.spotify.com/track/2V8OJ8i3WBh4Los9wG6OKQ
  4. Roy Woods – Say Less
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5sOW5hiIFFjtS51KMlWwt1
  5. slenderbodies – amnesia
    https://open.spotify.com/track/0JWhOjXZvKRtD6n1H6CRVV
  6. blackbear – gucci linen (feat. 2 Chainz)
    https://open.spotify.com/track/02DGz57a3TK3jNiibbnxaK
  7. blackbear – g2g ttyl (feat. THEY.)
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5peXF38os4UT1lsfdoKMt5
  8. Mansionz – nobody knows – Soren Bryce
    https://open.spotify.com/track/79Ho3Dq9Go7gS30tMJROzT
  9. Mike Stud – Lost Me
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5LG63eRhfNFYyCGU1QZXCo
  10. D-Why – One Day
    https://open.spotify.com/track/6lRfpMTNgkOnxkVKhnGd4R

Enjoy your last week!

Photos/Gifs/Music: soundcloud.com, spotify.com, giphy.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 11/27/17)

Short and sweet. Just like the past break. Enjoy this week’s 4E Monday Music Update!

  1. Flume – Free (Luude x Creepa Flip Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/luude-2-0/flume-free-luude-x-creepa-flip
  2. RL Grime – Reims (Enschway & Luude Flip Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/luude-2-0/rl-grime-reims-enschway-luude-flip
  3. MGMT – Kids (Aux Paris Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/auxparis/kids
  4. Loud Luxury feat. Brandy – Body
    https://soundcloud.com/loudluxury/loud-luxury-feat-brando-body
  5. NGHTMRE & SLANDER – GUD VIBRATIONS
    https://soundcloud.com/nghtmre/nghtmre-slander-gud-vibrations

Knock those finals dead. Good luck, everyone!

Photos/Gifs/Music: soundcloud.com, giphy.com

15 People Sexier Than Blake Shelton

If you haven’t heard, Blake Shelton was recently named the Sexiest Man Alive. We here at 4E are unsure if it’s just us, or if everyone else also has trouble seeing what People Magazine and Gwen Stefani see (look below for reference).

To try and get some perspective on this confusing choice, here’s a list of 15 people we think are sexier than Blake Shelton:

  1. The pizza in the above gif
  2. Amanda Bynes
  3. The Wisey’s Rat
  4. Jack the Bulldog
  5. Bill Clinton
  6. Todd Olson
  7. Josh Peck (pre-not inviting Drake Bell to his wedding)
  8. Patrick Ewing
  9. Amanda Bynes in “She’s the Man”
  10. The Dad from “Drake and Josh”
  11. Jack the Bulldog on a skateboard
  12. Kim Kim (we still miss you on the panini press)
  13. John DeGioia
  14. Todd Olson in full convocation garb
  15. Bradley Cooper

We at 4E simply cannot fathom how none of these fine options preceded Blake Shelton. People Magazine, we urge you to take into account this definitive list before choosing your ~Sexiest Man Alive~ next year.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tvguide.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 11/13/17)

We are all so ready to go home. Eat turkey. Catch up on sleep. Finally binge-watch Stranger Things 2. But until then, enjoy the latest 4E-approved tunes!

  1. 070 Shake – Honey
    https://open.spotify.com/track/0PoMoPqIJxe6H0rDMnpGP8
  2. Roy Woods – Instinct (ft. MadeinTYO)
    https://open.spotify.com/track/49VzL5oBsUICN7U34T98b9
  3. Big Sean – No More Interviews
    https://open.spotify.com/track/3IRloeDfPgi7bH5OwXfwkN
  4. Pham – Movements (ft. Yung Fusion)
    https://soundcloud.com/xxx/pham-movements-ft-yung-fusion 
  5. Kygo – Nothing Left ft. Will Heard (Trinix Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/stayseemusic/kygo-nothing-left-ft-will-heard-trinix-remix
  6. Kygo – This Town
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4aSfgWmRa9KsISD4Jmx7QB
  7. Shura – Touch
    https://soundcloud.com/shura/shura-touch
  8. Louis The Child – Phone Died (ft. Blaise Railey)
    https://soundcloud.com/louisthechild/phonedied
  9. Darci – Two Up
    https://soundcloud.com/darksidedarci/darci-two-up
  10. Childish Gambino – Terrified (Zikomo Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/zikomo/childish-gambino-terrified-zikomo-remix

Thanks for reading! Time to get listening!

Photos/Gifs/Music: soundcloud.com, spotify.com, giphy.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 11/6/17)

Midterms should be over. So relax and listen to some music!

Here is 4E’s latest ~Music Monday~ playlist to help you de-stress:

  1. Brent Faiyaz – Gang Over Luv
    https://soundcloud.com/brentfaiyaz/gang-over-luv?in=brentfaiyaz/sets/sonder-son
  2. Brent Faiyaz – First World Problemz / Nobody Carez
    https://soundcloud.com/brentfaiyaz/first-world-problemz-nobody
  3. Russ – Cherry Hill
    https://open.spotify.com/track/6qcuRcbz8DCLG6nG4or8Uo
  4. PARTYNEXTDOOR – Wus Good/Curious (NVR Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/therealdonnyvega/party-next-door-wus-good
  5. LLD – All That Matters (LiveMix)
    https://soundcloud.com/livelikedavis/livelikedavis-all-that-matters
  6. The Sun King – I Wrote This Song For An Ex (ft. Abbn0rmal)
    https://soundcloud.com/the-sun-king-ny/i-wrote-this-song-for-an-ex-remix-ft-abbn0rmal
  7. Roy Woods – What Are You On?
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4467C0jkad7vMVD8kOhFxW
  8. dsvn – Don’t Choose
    https://open.spotify.com/track/6OVDdIF1LyY36sXL5xGCSR
  9. H.E.R – Jungle
    https://open.spotify.com/track/3C23UChONVCL0A3U9uWO5u
  10. Russ – Losin’ Control (Silver Waves Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/silverwaves/losin-control-remix-1

Photos/Gifs/Music: soundcloud.com, spotify.com, giphy.com

Bill Clinton: A True Hoya

As you may have heard, Georgetown’s very own prodigal son is returning home to the Hilltop this week. And as cynical as we usually are here at 4E, this is actually a pretty cool thing. After all, since the events of the past year have forced us to acknowledge that Eric Trump, Steve Bannon, and Paul Manafort are technically alumni, we need to celebrate the Hoyas who didn’t collude with Russia have made a positive impact in the world now more than ever.

But as you prepare to camp outside Gaston to hear his speech, many of you who were born in the late-90s may be asking yourselves, “Who is Bill Clinton?” We know from eavesdropping on Blue and Gray tours that he certainly attended Georgetown, but is he really a Hoya? If he were a student today, would he regularly attend Jersey Night? Would he mourn the loss of Quick Pita? Would he post in the meme group? And more importantly, would his memes be dank?  To try to answer some of these pressing questions, we here at 4E briefly skimmed carefully read and took diligent notes on Bill Clinton’s autobiography, My Life, and came to the following conclusion:

Bill Clinton is a true Hoya.

Take a look at our reasoning below:

1. He Loves Wisey’s

The Quote: “At Wisemiller’s Deli, just across Thirty-sixth Street from the Walsh building where I had most of my classes, I got coffee and two donuts for twenty cents every morning

Our Analysis: Like all good Hoyas, Bill Clinton both loves Wisey’s and eats there way too much. He definitely would have voted for the Hot Chick/Chicken Madness ticket back in the infamous GUSA election of 2016, and is surely a strong supporter of our unofficial school mascot, The Wisey’s Rat™. So the next time you feel guilty about eating Wisey’s cookies for breakfast as you walk in 15 minutes late to your class on the fourth floor of Walsh because the elevator was taking forever, just remember that you will probably grow up to be the President of the United States.

When you call your order in and the wait is only 10 minutes

2. He Never Leaves Campus

The Quote:In my first two years, I rarely ventured beyond the confines of the University and its immediate surroundings”

Our Analysis: For a true Hoya, Burleith is as exotic as it gets. Yes, just like a vast majority of Hoyas, Bill Clinton fell victim to the Georgetown Bubble. And yes, we know D.C. is a world-class city full of renowned food, art, and culture, but the whole Metro system is confusing and not a lot of places take GoCard. True Hoyas stick to complaining about the lack of options at Leo’s and only venture beyond M street once a semester for Instagram-related purposes. Also “immediate surroundings” is definitely code for Chi Di. We’ll see you there on Thursday, Bill. Hopefully you have a good ID though, they’ve been pretty tough this year.

When someone suggests you should “explore D.C. more”

3. He Embraces Our “Sleep When You’re Dead” Culture

The Quote: “My most memorable class sophomore year was Professor Walter Giles’s U.S. Constitution and Government… By the time I got to his class I had embraced my lifelong affinity for sleep deprivation and had developed the sometimes embarrassing habit of falling asleep for five or ten minutes of class”

Our Analysis: Same, Bill Clinton. Same. Does it even qualify as a Georgetown class if more than half its students are awake at any given time? Whether it’s in a lecture hall, on Healy Lawn, or in the middle of a professor’s office hours (it happened once), falling asleep at inappropriate times is what we Hoyas do best. Honestly, Bill Clinton, props for doing this well in an era before you could try to stay awake by scrolling through memes on Facebook while the professor thinks you’re taking notes. Side note to any of my professors who accidentally clicked on this article: I love your class! Keep up the good work!

When the professor makes eye contact during the lecture and you have to act like you’re deep in thought over whatever they just said

4. He Has a Capitol Hill Internship

The Quote: On interning for Arkansas Senator William Fulbright, “It was easy to fit the job into my daily schedule, partly because in junior year only five courses were required instead of six, partly because some classes started as early as 7 a.m.”

Our Analysis: If you hadn’t already guessed, Bill Clinton was in the SFS. This quote confirms it. I can practically hear this quote telling me he’s a STIA major and that he has to go study for MAP. Even today, when Bill Clinton meets new people, I guarantee you that he finds some way to mention the SFS. This guy is a Hoya.

When it’s been five minutes and no one has asked about your foreign service background yet

5. He Loves The Tombs

The Quote:My favorite haunts in Georgetown were the Tombs, a beer hall in a cellar beneath the 1789 restaurant, where most of the students went for beer and burgers

Our Analysis: Bill Clinton’s Tombs Night was definitely lit. But not too lit, like where you had to call GERMS and the whole night was ruined. It was just the right level of lit, like where everybody danced to “In Da Club” by 50 Cent when the clock hit midnight, and then Bill Clinton got a great Instagram pic of his forehead being stamped by the Tombs bouncer. Every Hoya since John Carrol has made some of their greatest memories at the Tombs. Need we say more?

Actual photo of Bill Clinton getting his forehead stamped on his Tombs Night. On an unrelated note, yes, I am available for freelance photoshop jobs. Serious inquiries only.

So there you have it: Bill Clinton is a Georgetown Hoya. Our diligent research has definitively proved it. We hope you all have fun accidentally falling asleep learning a lot at his speech on Monday- and huge props to the team over at #GUPolitics for making this happen! No disrespect to the time you got Martin O’Malley to play his guitar in McShain Lounge, but this is definitely much cooler than that.

Sources: My Life by Bill Clinton, Tombs.com, Facebook.com, giphy.com, Georgetowndc.com, georgetown.edu

What Your Favorite La Croix Flavor Says About You

Image result for la croix costumes

La Croix: It can be found in any Georgetown Girl’s refrigerator, but no one really knows how to pronounce it … La Croy? La Cwah? La Crocs? For those of us who love this sparkling beverage, here’s what your preferred flavor says about you.

Pamplemousse and Cran-Raspberry : Although all flavors of La Croix are basic, these two are the worst of them all. You wear Adidas Superstars and Lululemon leggings and drink La Croix to ~rehydrate~ after SoulCycle. You use La Croix as a chaser for your Mango Pineapple Svedka because it’s “healthy.”

Any of the Curate Flavors: You’re really bougie and probably pronounce it “La Cwah.”

Plain: You’re a real hardo. You’d prefer to drink plain water out of your Brita filter but you drink plain La Croix to seem jazzy.

Coconut: Some may say it tastes like a candle, but if you drink Coconut La Croix, you’re the cool kid at the party. You’re super trendy and fun and everyone wants to be your friend (disclaimer: this is my flavor of preference).

Lime: You’re trying to cut back on soda and if you really pretend, it tastes nothing kinda like Sprite.

Peach-Pear: You really like Burnett’s, but since it isn’t socially acceptable to drink on a Tuesday at 1 p.m., Peach-Pear La Croix is the closest you’re going to get.

So, next time you walk around campus with a can of La Croix in hand, just know that the rest of us are judging you.

Photos: lacroixwater.com, www.brit.co

A Guide To Homecoming

Yes, it’s sadly still midterm season, which means that you’re probably reading this article on Lau 2 while simultaneously crafting a last-minute email to your professor begging for an extension. But now it’s time for you to take a break from the stress and completely ignore all your responsibilities, because #HoyaHomecoming is officially upon us. In honor of the one day a year we can kind of act like a state school, we here at 4E have complied a helpful guide to make sure that your Homecoming experience is a success.

#HoyaHomecoming 2017, colorized.

Remember: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Look, we’ve all been there: You and 20 of your closest friends are crammed into a 12×15 foot dorm room. You’re looking ~fresh~ in your very original, one-of-a-kind, totally unique Georgetown basketball jersey. Your signature song (“Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira) is playing, and that cutie from your Econ class is definitely taking notice of your impressive dabbing ability. Needless to say, the pregame is ~lit~. And at some point, this level of “litness” will likely inspire you to “go all out” for #HoyaHomecoming and do one of the following: A) Take way too many shots of Fireball B) Take way too many shots of Lime Burnett’s or C) Chug an entire can of Four Loko.

As you consider your options, 4E is here to give you some friendly advice: DON’T DO IT. Under the florescent lights of that sweaty dorm room, we know it may seem like a good idea, but trust us, in a few hours, you will come to the painful realization that it was not. The key to a successful Homecoming is to pace yourself. Unlike a normal night out, you will be expected both to stay awake for more than four hours and to functionally interact with actual adults in a non-Piano-Bar-setting. Neither of those things will be possible if you achieve maximum “litness” at 9 a.m. And as you make your decisions about how much to drink throughout the rest of the day, just remember that while Homecoming may be temporary, Snapchat screenshots are forever.

Love Thy Neighbor.

If you remember anything from last year’s homecoming, you’ll remember that our neighbors literally hate us. And noise. And alcohol. And anything even remotely resembling fun. So despite the fact that they knew ~Georgetown~ University was located here when they made the decision to move to ~Georgetown~, they will not hesitate to call the feds S.N.A.P.S on us if they catch the slightest whiff of Burnett’s or hear even the faintest hint of “Mr. Brightside” coming from a townhouse. Unfortunately for many of our readers out there, what this means is that most of your upperclassman friends will probably not be cool with you and every other member of Darnall 5 crashing their party.

But don’t worry! Getting rejected from and/or getting kicked out of at least one party is basically a #HoyaHomecoming rite of passage. And there are still plenty of other fun ways for you to spend your day! You can wander aimlessly around the neighborhood and engage in some classic Georgetown traditions, such as sprinting away from GUPD cars, getting yelled at by old people who may or may not be John Kerry, and searching for half-empty cans of Natty that have been discarded on the street.

Back on campus, you can easily sneak into pay for a ticket to the tailgate on Regents lawn- here you can do some cool stuff like get a sunburn and make awkward small talk with alumni while you wait in the food line for 20 minutes. And of course, if all else fails, we’ll always have the Vil A rooftop. Nothing says #HoyaHomecoming quite like gazing out at that beautiful Arlington skyline as you watch  your classmates come dangerously close to falling over the railing.

Georgetown residents upon seeing even a single red solo cup

Water. Food. Rest. Repeat.

Remember what I said earlier about pacing yourself? I can already tell that you didn’t listen to me. Now you’re exhausted, your phone is dead, and you’re sitting on the floor of a New South bathroom, wondering where it all went wrong. You’ve managed to lose both your dignity and your GoCard- and it’s still only noon. Bet you don’t feel so “lit” anymore, huh? But don’t despair – 4E is here to save you! First, you need to walk/crawl to the nearest vending machine/sink/Dahlgren Fountain, and HYDRATE. You are in desperate need of H2O. Drink up.

Next, you need to eat something that will help counteract the consequences of that last Natty you ~regrettably~ decided to shotgun. If you can’t talk your way back into the tailgate to acquire some free pizza, we recommend you stick with what you know and head on over to Wisey’s. After all, the best Chicken Madnesses are the ones you don’t remember eating.

Finally, your phone isn’t the only thing that needs to recharge. Whether it’s in your own bed or in the middle of Healy Lawn, you need to take a power nap. Find a spot, tell a friend to wake you up in an hour and pass out. Don’t worry, the Vil A rooftop isn’t going anywhere. There will be plenty more opportunities to embarrass yourself when you wake up.

You at Homecoming if you ignore my advice

Make Memories

As a distinguished member of the class of ‘85 drunkenly yelled at me during Homecoming last year once told me, college is the best four years of your life. I know this may not seem true as you stress-cry while writing a paper on Lau 2 at 4 a.m., but Homecoming gives you the perfect opportunity to rediscover why you first fell in love with Georgetown all those year(s) ago. So don’t be afraid to belt out the (probably wrong) lyrics to the fight song when someone inevitably starts up a bad acapella rendition in the middle of a party. Don’t be afraid to make valuable future business connections new friends as you wait in line for food at the tailgate. Don’t be afraid to break your wrist from falling off of the John Carrol statue while trying to take that perfect #HoyaHomecoming Instagram.

Because we here at 4E want to let you in on a secret: our sources can confirm that the real world is a scary place. Apparently, once you turn 23, it is suddenly no longer acceptable to sleep until 2 p.m. every day, or eat chicken fingers for every meal, or religiously attend an event called “Jersey Night” every Wednesday. And so, my fellow students, be sure to enjoy every moment of your time here on the Hilltop. And to all the alumni out there reading this guide with a mix of shock, nostalgia, and anticipation, we leave you with the immortal words of Saint John Thompson Jr: “If I can’t go to Heaven, take me back to Georgetown.”

See you soon, and Hoya Saxa.

P.S: Please actually make good choices! And remember that GERMS can always be reached at 202-687-4357.

Sources: giphy.com/ Lauinger Library

Monday Music Update! (Week of 10/30)

Hope your Halloweekend was everything you hoped and dreamed for it to be! Homecoming is next, so get your bodies ready.

Here is 4E’s latest Music Monday Playlist:

  1. Nurko ft. Misdom – With You
    https://soundcloud.com/nurkomusic/nurko-with-you-feat-misdom-extended
  2. Tove Lo & Branchez & Madeintyo Remix
    https://soundcloud.com/steedyroyce/tove-lo-branchez-madeintyo
  3. Shawn Harris – Uptown
    https://soundcloud.com/shawnharrisblk/shawn-harris-uptown-prince-tribute
  4. Amir Obe – Cigarettes
    https://soundcloud.com/amirobe/cigarettes
  5. Ty Austin – “Come Over”
    https://soundcloud.com/tyaustin101/come-over
  6. Jaden Smith – PCH
    https://soundcloud.com/artsydreamboy/pch-jaden-smith
  7. JACK U & Post Malone – Where R U Now [Flosstradamus Remix]
    https://soundcloud.com/flosstradamus/jack-u-x-post-malone-where-r-u-now-allen-iverson-flosstradamus-remix
  8. Frank Ocean – Wiseman [Portrait Remix]
    https://soundcloud.com/portraitsounds/frank-ocean-wiseman
  9. Russ – The Game
    https://soundcloud.com/russ/the-game-prod-russ
  10. Flume & Kendrick Lamar – Swimming Pools/You & Me [NOVABAD Remix]
    https://soundcloud.com/barannobari/flume-kendrick-lamar-swimming-pools-you-and-me-from-youtube

See everyone on the weekend!

Photos/Gifs/Music: soundcloud.com, giphy.com