What to Expect During Semi Formal Szn

In between the time of the turkey and the weeks of Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey Christmas carols, Georgetown celebrates another special season: Semi Formal Szn. Around this time, the Facebook notifications roll in, the online shopping begins, and the number of people getting hospitalized skyrockets.

With these many options of which formal to crash, our wallets are begging us to be selective. So, I’ll make it easy for you and summarize what to expect at each event:

Any Frat/Sorority

If you’ve never been to any of the Greek life semi formals, just pull up any video on Barstool’s Instagram page and you’ll get the picture. Girls will be taking photos everywhere, begging their dates to “take one with flash, one without and one with portrait mode.” The guys, of course, will be screaming jibberish at each other, lightly punching each other until it eventually turns into a spectacle of a public fistfight. Nonetheless, a good time!

GUES

Mini hot dogs and Red Bulls are not a great combination for the stomach. If you really pay attention, you can hear the attendees, 99 percent of whom are not even in GUES, complaining about the lack of food and eventually taking the late night trek to Epi (the pesto grilled cheese is underrated, by the way, so be sure to try that). Each semester, at least one person has needed to be ~escorted~ into an Uber back to campus, and you can bet that this year will be no different.

The Hoya

This will probably be the most sophisticated-trashy formal you’ll ever attend. Hoya members will gladly debate politics, compare their high school subject test scores and argue about which section of The Hoya is ‘better’ (s/o to “tHe BlOg DoEsN’t EvEn CoUnT!”). Basically, it’s the typical GPB basement party, but much classier (and less crowded)!

Couples at Leo’s

I still don’t know who runs the Couples at Leo’s Instagram account, but if you’re reading this, I love you (and thank you for following @picsofjennaeating #shamelessselfpromo). No one at this formal will bring (or have) a significant other, but that won’t stop them from ~classily~ sharing a beverage together at Hawthorne. The lucky stars who have been featured on @CouplesAtLeos will receive their deserved clout and moments of fame, as overexcited freshmen will scream, “You’re the one who played footsies!” or “Aren’t you the one who ate alone?”

The Corp

I don’t know why on earth people would pay $100 for a formal, but they better be willing to get their money’s worth out of a night at the Andrew M. Mellon Auditorium. Freshman girls will finally be able to rewear their prom dresses, only to realize how uncomfortable they truly were. It might be tough to convince your non-Corp friends as to why they should pay $100 for a ticket to one formal when they could just go to the three formals listed above for the same price, but you can at least send your family some wholesome and classy photos before you spend most of the night waiting in line for the fancy bathroom.

Formal szn can be overwhelming, but you should at least try to go to one for the experience. And if you go to all of them…how do you have the money, energy and liver for that?

Have fun, Hoyas.

 

Gif/Photo Sources: giphy.com, flashbak.com

Deadliest Places on Campus: A PSA

It is a well-known fact that Georgetown is fraught with traps. Like the city that houses it, the Hilltop was designed to confuse invading armies — a common occurrence for this hallowed fortress.*

Besides the winding streets and myriad hidden halls (Robert E. Lee’s army was actually trapped trying to find a Vil B apartment), the earth itself works to wear down unfamiliar intruders and carefree visitors.

So, whether you attend Georgetown or are just dropping by, here are the deadliest places to walk on campus — these were definitely designed to maim the enemies of the Hilltop and are not just a damning reflection of Georgetown’s crippled facilities management (@JohnJDeGioia).

*The author would like to note that this information is NOT fact-checked.

The Red Brick Ruins

In the Golden Age of Georgetown, just five years hence, when giants dominated the Verizon Center and people feared the yell of “Hoya Saxa,” the ICC was a bustling center of commerce. Merchants from all across the District would flock to show off their finest wares.*

Ever since the dark reign of Julius Tyrannicus the Third (often shortened to JT3), the famed Red Square fell into ruin. Where once marketgoers could barter and feast with nary a worry, citizens must now navigate pockets of missing bricks (see below) and the occasional puddle after a strong storm.

Worse still, there’s now some weird archaeological dig taking place on Copley Lawn, not only releasing some kind of curse but also keeping students from relaxing on that verdant green.

We live in hope of a new age under King Patrick.

*The author would again like to note that this information is based on legends told to him by upperclassmen.

The Henle Crevasse

As a resident of Georgetown’s highest peak (s/o to all my Darnall babes), I am inclined to find all possible entrances to my home that avoid the infamous hill.

Upon my arrival, rumors circulated of a “secret stair” that cut through Henle and circumvented the long path to Darnall, along with the staircase that waits at the very end. I committed myself to uncover Henle’s “Northwest Passage.”

One day, on a night journey back from Healy, there lay a crossroads in my path. Right past Arrupe, there stands a gradually sloping stair that leads into Henle. Ascending the staircase, I ended up in a common outdoor area filled with terrors: An unnecessarily large cutout of Ronald Reagan, a peeking Guy Fieri and some dude smoking a cigarette surrounded me.

I ran up another set of dark stairs in a flight of fright, which led to yet another fork in the road. A path led deeper into Henle, arriving at a pitch-black tunnel. Seeing the side entrance to Darnall through the darkness, I sprinted through…

And caught my foot on this deathtrap:

The Slopes of Darnall

Alternatively, if you’re not out of shape or lazy like me, you could just go up the hill that leads straight to Epi.

But beware, traveller, for this path is still full of dangers!

Approaching the construction site, the air grows dustier, the atmosphere louder. Most terrifyingly, the path grows narrower — just a yard across. Bikes, scooters and a-holes with umbrellas will often rush past you in a series of near misses.

It is also on this path that people don’t know how to walk single file. That makes this 10 times worse:

This little monster (now covered) will catch your foot if you’re not careful. The unexpected drop really does a number on your ankle — and your attitude.

The Uneven Path to O’Donovan Hall

Below the looming shadow of Southwest Quad lies another three-footwide path of poor design. While the sidewalk on the other side of the road near VCW is much larger and better paved, it requires crossing a street with an oddly large amount of traffic.

The risk of the walk below McCarthy is rewarded by a straight-shot to Leo’s.

On the ends, however, lie two deadly snares that could really ruin your day. At the corner, the entire right side of the sidewalk near the bushes is uneven. Because of the uniform texture and color, this slope is barely noticeable.

A similar slope lies near the bench at the end of the walk.

Worst of all, this trouble leads to the greatest deception of them all: that anything in upstairs Leo’s is worth waiting for.*

*The author would like to note that he absolutely stands by this opinion and literally high-fived himself while writing that joke.

The Three Circles of He(a)ll(y)

The Devil’s Three Eyes. The Claws of Copley. DeGioia’s Teeth.

There are three pits at the very outset of the grand road to Lau, where the trash cans are and where there always seems to be some kind of delivery truck.

These holes used to be the base of three poles, which closed off the path for bikes, trucks and scooters. Now, they are simply a death trap for bikes, scooters and pedestrians.

To the unwary eye, these death pits could ruin your foot, your tire or your dignity. Of all the aforementioned traps, these are definitely the greatest existential threat to every single Hoya that goes to Lau.

Mr. DeGioia, fill in these holes.

Coda

Maybe I’m clumsy. Maybe my vision is bad. Maybe I walk like a newborn child.

OR maybe, I’m a victim of an obviously deteriorating campus.

I get it: The wonderful people at facilities have more important stuff to do like constantly fixing leaks, floods, black mold breakouts and bathroom lock-INS. BUT even covering it up with a wooden board — like how Adam Sandler covered up Cole Sprouse’s pee in “Big Daddy” — is better than letting people trip.

 

All gifs from giphy.com

Top 5 Disney Halloween Movies

Happy spooky season, y’all! Now that we’ve moved past the 80-degree October nights and we’re officially into sweater weather, it’s time to break out the pumpkin spice and the list of Halloween costume ideas I know you started in August (trust me, I did it too).

Besides giving college students another excuse to party excessively and dress in questionably appropriate outfits for three days (and the fact that there are now only TWO months left until Christmas), the best part about this month is the movies that come along with it. Growing up in the early 2000s means that we were all blessed with some of the greatest Halloween movies to ever exist. Now, I’m not talking about all those overrated and unreasonably gory horror movies: I’m talking about Disney! So, if you need some ideas to help you procrastinate that paper or simply something to put you in the spooky mood, here are our Top 5 Disney Halloween Movies:

5.  ‘The Haunted Mansion’

Any movie with Eddie Murphy in it automatically gets an A+ from me; I mean, have y’all seen Shrek?

4. ‘Hocus Pocus’

Who doesn’t love a classic movie about resurrection, magic and trickery?

3. ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’

This movie combines two of the greatest holidays (Halloween and Christmas), and really, there’s not much more you need in life.

2. ‘Twitches’

Finding out that you’re a witch and that you have a long-lost twin sister all in a couple of days would be enough to drive anyone crazy.

1. ‘Halloweentown’

Honestly, I don’t think this one needs any kind of explanation. Marnie Cromwell is an icon, and I aspire to be half as ballsy as she is one day. While the first movie is by far the best, I think the entire “Halloweentown” franchise deserves recognition.

 

Sources: giphy.com.

Halloween Costumes for Hoyas From Every School

Fellow Hoyas, prepare yourselves. Spooky szn is descending upon us — and no, I’m not referring to the sudden ubiquity of dead rodents on campus.

That’s right: It’s almost Halloween, and if you’re not interested in frantically scouring the clearance bins of every store on M Street the day before ~Halloweekend~ begins, it’s time to start thinking. Luckily, you have us lovely folks at 4E here to guide you in picking the right costume to impress that cutie from “Problem of God.”

1. For the MSBro:

You’ve been wearing stiff suits every day, Birding from your dorm to the MSB to recruitment events and investment banking job interviews like a maniac. It’s time to let loose, Brad! Shed that Brooks Brothers jacket, kick off your Gucci loafers and go a little crazy. Hugh Hefner is the perfect costume for you this Halloween — comfortable and relaxed, but still on brand.

image
This could be you, Chad!

What you’ll need for this costume: A silk robe and preferably some gray hair spray. The pipe optional, but respect that Hugh would never Juul.

2. For the NHS-er:

THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE, NHS. You have the one thing no other school at Georgetown has: scrubs. Go as your favorite “Grey’s Anatomy” character — AKA literally anyone but Izzie — and carry around some lollipops for bonus points. Just be careful not to be too convincing in your costume, or you’ll become the de facto GERMS dispatcher of the night, holding back your friends’ hair near the bushes of Henle Village.

You, breaking it down at the Henle in total and complete comfort as all your friends complain about their costumes being uncomfortable.
When your friend slips on some soda and thinks they broke their ankle, you can put those freshman bio class #skillz to use and tell them to rally!

What you’ll need: scrubs, maybe some lollipops and your charming self.

3. For the SFS-er:

You need the world to know both that you’re in the SFS and that you are ~politically conscious.~ You don’t just get CNN notifications on your phone — you listen to podcasts and read think-pieces as you run from “Map of the Modern World” to “I-Trade” (both of which are SFS core requirements, which the SFS has a lot of, which you have to take because you’re…in the SFS). That’s why for Halloween you should go as the anonymous New York Times Trump op-ed! Intelligence and worldliness with a little bit of ~mystery~ is what you’re all about, and this is the perfect costume to show the world what ya got — and leave them wanting more.

That's REALLY reaching! Online retailer Yandy is selling a 'sexy anonymous op-ed' costume

What you’ll need: This costume exactly (and for people to know you’re in the SFS. That’s the Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service, or SFS for short).

4. The College Kid:

While all your friends in other schools at Georgetown talk about their focus and their requirements and how their school is ~different,~ you have opted for a liberal arts education and greater breadth of majors/paths of study. You can’t be put in a box. Some might even say you … Can’t Be Tamed.

To capture the true variety of the College, grab a few pals from the largest of the undergraduate schools here on the Hilltop, and go as Miley Cyrus through the ages. The theater kid can embrace Miley’s performative versatility and go as Hannah Montana, while your JUPS major friend can be this new hippie Miley who meditates and enjoys her ~greens.~ There’s something for everyone!

What you’ll need: A few friends, some bleach to dye your hair and a readiness to stick your tongue out in every picture.

With these suggestions in mind, go forth and conquer those pre-Halloween costume-picking scaries! And if you’re really pressed and need a scary costume ASAP, write “70k” on a shirt and go as the scariest thing of them all: our tuition. Happy Hoya-ween!

Sources: giphy.com, esquire.com, dailymail.co.uk, savers.com

25 Things That Lasted Longer Than Pete and Ariana’s Relationship

Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande have broken up. I can’t say I’m surprised, but at the same time, I am. On the bright side, it beats Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries.

Here are 20 things that have lasted longer than Pete and Ari’s fleeting engagement:

  1. The time it takes for Royal Jacket to give me my pre-made sandwich
  2. Brett Kavanaugh’s FBI investigation
  3. My good mood after a night at Grand Central
  4. Walmart Yodeling Kid’s career
  5. “Big Bootie 14”
  6. The “I’m gonna go to Yates every Monday, Wednesday and Friday” phase after New Year’s
  7. A macro lecture with Prof. Carol Rogers
  8. That period of time when clowns killed people
  9. A late-night Snapchat from a ~lonely boy~ at 2 a.m.
  10. The moment of silence for that person who drops their food in downstairs Leo’s
  11. Any friendship made at a sweaty NSO party
  12. The lifespan of the Wisey’s rat
  13. A nap after an SAE darty
  14. iPhone X battery life
  15. Random fire alarms in Lau during finals season
  16. A leftover Epi quesadilla
  17. The time it took for Lil Wayne to drop his album
  18. A basic Instagram Boomerang in front of Healy on a sunny day
  19. The flavor of Wisey’s Oreo cookies
  20.  Any Vil A rooftop party
  21. The time it takes for the Copley elevator to go from the first floor to the second
  22. The Ice Bucket Challenge trend
  23.  Kim K’s botox
  24.  A hug with Jack the Bulldog
  25.  That time you were pre-med

Sources: giphy.com, wireimage.com

10 Reasons You Should Buy Basketball Season Tickets

Many years ago, the mere thought of writing this article would have been absurd. There was once a time when school spirit was high, lottery picks roamed the Hilltop and students needed no convincing when it came time to buy basketball season tickets. But that was a lifetime ago.*

*I’m actually referring to as recently as 2013. You read that right. Just five years ago, Georgetown basketball finished first in the Big East, was ranked as high as fifth in the AP Poll and star guard Otto Porter was selected third in the NBA draft. Everyone needs to calm down (looking at you, @EveryAlumnusWhoGraduatedInThe1980s). We’re going to be fine.

But I digress. We are gathered here today to discuss the current state of Georgetown basketball as it exists in 2018. And I’m here to tell you why — despite what you may have heard from disgruntled seniors — buying season tickets is well worth the money.

So here we go:

1. Celebrities

I’ll admit it: I spend far more time scrolling through Daily Mail Online than I do reading The New York Times. And based on how many of you waited in line for hours to see Bradley Cooper speak in Gaston Hall, I’m guessing you’re just as obsessed with celebrities as I am.

So, even if you couldn’t care less about basketball and will spend the entire game staring at your Instagram feed instead of glancing at the court, you should still buy tickets. Why? It’s simple: Famous people might show up.

Don’t believe me? See below:

Former President Barack Obama sitting courtside, cheering on the Hoyas with that guy from the memes.
Obama thanking loyal fans who bought season tickets.

 

The dad from “Are We There Yet?” AND the second-best detective from “Law and Order: SVU”

 

Mr. Hailey Baldwin

Think of how it will feel being left out when all your friends start sharing those coveted Obama selfies on Insta.

2. Less Time On Campus

Literally any day I do not have to spend stuck on this moldy, rat-infested, construction-filled campus is a day well-spent. I say this out of love, but also, please do something, @JohnJDeGioia; none of the sinks work, and the buildings are literally infested with living snakes. Search @georgetown.hotmess on Instagram for specifics. The Verizon Center Capital One Arena is nice and does not use tulips to cover its glaring problems.

3. Heyyyyyyy Baby

Even during the worst losses, the pep band plays that song that goes “Heyyyyyyyy-yyyy Baby, I wanna knoooooooow if you’ll be my girl (*dun dun dun dun*)” and everybody sings and sort of dances along to it. It’s really fun and a nice break from the routine of “Mr. Brightside.” Also, if you don’t know what song I’m talking about, just sing the words I wrote and Shazam it.

4. Beer

 In the recent, infamous words of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named AKA Less Attractive Matt Damon AKA Are You Kidding Me @Joe Manchin: “I liked beer, I still like beer.” Capital One Arena has beer.

Disclaimer: Students must be 21 or older to drink aforementioned beer.

5. Chick-Fil-A

Chick-Fil-A is available at the games, and it’s honestly faster to Uber over to the arena, order and eat your meal than it is to wait in line at the Leavey Center location.

6. Slam Dunk

Have you ever seen somebody dunk a basketball in person? It is so cool. How do they jump so high? And make the ball go in the basket while jumping? This alone is worth the price of admission. Mac McClung, do us proud this year. Also, if you’re reading this, follow me back on Instagram.

7. The Memes

When the meme page was first born way back in the early days of 2017, the memes almost exclusively referenced a man they called “JT3”. And it was these very memes that single-handedly ended JT3’s reign and brought St. Patrick into our lives.

For you youngsters out there, this was a dark time, but an important one nonetheless. Those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it. You must go to the games so that you can recognize the warning signs. If things ever get that bad again, it is your responsibility to make the next generation of memes. The fate of the Hilltop depends on it.

8. The Capitals

Fun fact: Capital One Arena is also home to the current Stanley Cup champions, the Washington Capitals! For the unfamiliar, the Capitals are the hockey team that locals pretend to like because all the other D.C. sports teams are bad. Also, their team captain partied at the Georgetown waterfront with the cup this summer and then jumped in the fountain. Based on the Snapchats I saw, it looked pretty fun. So maybe he’ll show up to one of our games! Fun!

9. Alumni

Most of the fans at these games are alumni over the age of 40 who are eager to loudly remind you that school spirit “isn’t what it used to be” (and also that there was once “a pub in the basement of Healy.” Seriously, they will talk about that damn pub for hours if you don’t stop them. Like, there is no way it was that fun.)

Now I know “irate Hoya baby boomers” might not sound like a recipe for a good time, but think of it in terms of networking. It’s simple. These people love Georgetown basketball, and they’ll love you too if you tell them that you also love Georgetown basketball (see: the Transitive Property of Hoya Saxa). Get them reminiscing about the good ol’ days for five minutes in the popcorn line and the next thing you know, boom: You’ve somehow secured that elusive Goldman internship. All you MSBros do not want to miss this opportunity.

10. Me

Listen up: This is my senior year, and I do not want to spend the remainder of my glory days sitting in a mostly empty arena on a Tuesday night. These memories have to get me through the rest of what will probably be a pretty boring life, so they better be good. Just buy tickets, show up to the games, get some beer, cheer and make the most of it.

Go get your tickets at wearegeorgetown.com

Hoya Saxa.

Disclaimer: Patrick Ewing is NOT paying me to write this article, but if you’re reading this, Coach Ewing, can you please grant me access to the Thompson Center in exchange for this free publicity??  I won’t even use any of the equipment, I just want to get a cool pic for my Insta story so I can lord it over the peasants at Yates. Email 4E if this is cool.

Sources: giphy.com, pinterest.com, genius.com, sbnation.com, fansided.com, facebook.com

What’s Up With Mattress Toppers?

Welcome to college, where mattress toppers are one of your most important possessions. Sleep is definitely the most important thing in my life right now. I had the misfortune of having no mattress topper for the first couple weeks of school, so I got familiar with my Georgetown-supplied mattress.

I treated that mattress well, keeping it clothed with my Bed Bath & Beyond 300-thread-count twin-XL sheets, which I washed two (2) times in the first couple weeks of class. It wasn’t as kind.

Going in, my expectations were pretty low: I knew my dorm wouldn’t scream “luxury.” Yet, the inhumanity of such an unrelenting material almost seemed sacrilegious. The mattresses supplied to us by the Jesuit Order definitely did not take cura of my personalis.

I don’t blame Georgetown for such hostile living conditions. I get it: The university has better things to spend its measly budget on — like a new gym, but one that’s only for athletes.

I’m no MSBro, but I can tell you that toppers range from $10, to over $200 for some fancy “organic” ones. Don’t get me started on what “organic” mattress toppers offer that non-organic ones don’t; that can be a topic for another day. There are many options with which to top your mattress, but for those who are more basic, I applaud you. I attempted that lifestyle for a couple weeks, but my body was too frail for such exertion.

That’s why I’m in love with the concept of mattress toppers. They’re at the crossroads of necessity and luxury, much like a minifridge or that extra Kate Spade bag you bought last month. Among the plethora of mattress toppers, each one tells a story and gives insight into the student who lays on it.

After extensive interpersonal and detailed research, I’ve concluded that there is a direct correlation between mattress toppers and personality type:

No Topper:

  • Doesn’t go to class.
  • On the path toward nirvana and giving up every shred of physical attachment to this world.
  • Probably shotgunning nitro brew coffee in the shower.

1-to-2-Inch Topper:

  • Probably hasn’t washed any sheets yet.
  • In Lau studying rn.
  • Always dehydrated.

2-to-4-Inch Topper:

  • A little dramatic.
  • Hates the cold.
  • Always on an e-scooter

Over 4-Inch Topper:

  • Probably doesn’t sleep much anyway.
  • Compensating.
  • Doesn’t know how to type properly.

So, there you have it. Sleep tight, Hoyas.

 

Sources: giphy.com

Midterm Szn: Sophomore Year Edition

It’s sophomore year, ladies and gentlemen, which means we’re all ~experienced~ and can now look down on the lowly freshmen who walk the dreaded path to Darnall Hall. But besides the slightly upgraded situation — minus all the rats that bless our apartments, dorms and townhouses (#stayclassygtown) — all of us have really grown as individuals, haven’t we? I mean, new semester, new us, right?

Lo and behold, midterm season is upon us right in the midst of rejections from clubs, jobs and whatever else we pre-professional Hoyas dream of attaining.

As sophomores, we’ve moved on from competing to get into the most exclusive clubs (not really though) and comparing midterm grades (eh, have we really?). Instead, we’ve moved onto bigger, better and brighter things: jobs and internships.

So, here it is dear Hoyas: the types of people during midterm #szn, sophomore year edition.

1. The Bragger

This person constantly notes how many classes they’re taking on top of their internship for the Department of Justice, some fancy senator or the White House.  And SOMEHOW they will find a way to sneak their GPA into the discussion.

Here’s an example: “The weather is beautiful today. Almost as beautiful as opening MyAccess and seeing that stunning 3.9 GPA.” Did I ask for your resume? No. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize me saying “excuse me” to grab a pack of gummy bears was the green light for you to tell me that, on top of your 10 classes that are all 6 credits and your ~amazing, pre-professional~ internship, you have four midterms Thursday. Seriously. I just want my gummy bears.

2. The Coffee Addict

To be honest, I’m almost positive I spent my life savings at Midnight Mug the night I was cooped up in a Lau 2 study room for nine hours. To the people on shift that night, I truly apologize. If you had to make a non-fat large chai latte, chances are, it was mine. Much love to everyone at Midnight.

That confession aside, we should come clean: All of us have been this person. I think we can all come to the general consensus that a diet solely consisting of coffee, more coffee and the occasional chocolate-covered coffee beans is most certainly not a sustainable way of living. Hoyas, if you ever get to the point where it takes you five espresso shots for your soul to even feel mildly stimulated,  please…I don’t even know. Self-care, self-love. Remember we’re trying to ~thrive~ not just survive.

3. The Zombie

I just don’t understand…like, what?? How can someone pull consecutive all-nighters and still function like a normal human being, or at least some semblance of one. Honey, seriously, I know the chairs on Lau 2 can seem really comfortable if it’s 5 a.m., but please go back to your bed and sleep there.

On the note of sleep deprivation, let’s talk about eye bags. Well, it’s a look for sure. Moral of the story: Get on that healthy #Hoya sleep schedule with an average of 4.5 hours a night.*

*Don’t come for me if that statistic is wrong pls. It’s really a guesstimate. Thx.

Well, there you have it. Happy midterm #szn, Hoyas. If your intense course load and grueling internships don’t break you, lack of sleep will! Such exciting prospects. We at 4E sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com

The Five Stages of Being Sick at Georgetown

If you haven’t spent these past weeks drowning in used tissues and Advil, this Hoya desperately wants to know your secret.  Yes! You heard that barely concealed coughing fit from the back of your crowded microeconomics lecture correctly, the Georgetown Plague™ is upon us.

While we may be living in a petri dish, at least the relatability of this struggle can be exploited by your friends at 4E. Here are the five stages of being sick on the Hilltop:

1. Attempting home remedy

Throat coat?  Check. Advil?  Check. Suddenly wishing you were pre-med?  Check. All of the Aspirin that you packed from home might be able to save you, right?  Right??

Although copious amounts of tea and Tylenol can’t stop your impending doom, it won’t stop you from trying! 

2. Taking a trip to the Student Health Center

After your own medical knowledge fails, surely Georgetown, the fine institution you are paying your life savings to attend, will be able to rescue you from yourself!  A quick 30-minute phone call later, you’ve booked an appointment to see a doctor… next Thursday.

3. Accepting your fate

It’s true!  Sometimes you need to be sick in order to appreciate being well — or, at least, that’s what you tell yourself to feel better! Your roommate has to inevitably put up with 4 a.m. coughing fits, and you have to fight through that 9 a.m. lecture while putting up with dirty looks from students and professors alike.

Apparently, being sick is a natural part of life. Just one that no one wants to experience.

4. Freedom

The long journey comes to an end. Alas now, you have no more excuses for procrastinating your midterm paper!

The sudden rebirth you feel is accompanied by a newfound appreciation for health, along with promises to work out at Yates every day and stop eating Chick-Fil-A every night.

 

5. Repetition

That’s right folks, your already-weakened immune system will inevitably fail you again!  The close quarters of dorm life and crowded Vil A rooftops are breeding grounds for contamination.  

But fear not!  Because if you can survive the Georgetown Plague™, you can easily survive anything the Hilltop throws your way.

From all of us here at 4E, get well soon!

Sources: giphy.com, choicechiropractic.net

The Anti-Bucket List

Happy October!

AKA, happy end of all things fresh, new and exciting. Happy death ‘n’ afterlife to all things green. And, above all else: a very happy ~midtermz~.

The magic of the welcome and/or return to the Hilltop has sizzled and has now begun its fall fizzle. The Stall Street Journal listing the scores of Things to Do in D.C. has been replaced. Your color-coded to do list fell victim to the avalanche of Stats printing mishaps. And perhaps, while the roomie wasn’t looking, you sent that dubious text you swore you’d never.

October brings spooky time, kids. In preparation, we here at 4E have put together a cautionary tale of sorts: the anti-bucket list.

The ANTI-Bucket List

Things you probably never thought you’d do at Georgetown.

But you probably have.

1. Epi at 2 p.m.: You thought you wanted a quesadilla, when really, you just wanted to relive 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday night.

2. Wisey’s Twice in the Same Day: Because while Aramark has tried its hand at faux &pizza, Sweetgreen and Falafel, Inc., Royal Jacket simply pales in comparison to the art of Wisemiller’s Deli & Grocery.

3. Lau At 3  p.m. and 3 a.m.: One paper needed to be written. And in those 12 hours, you’ve managed to share four Facebook posts, down three cups of coffee, make two friends at The Midnight Mug, artfully craft one new meme and write zero words.

4. Failed to Leave* Georgetown?: You swore this would be the year you ran to the monuments at sunrise, found all those evasive insta-friendly graffitied walls and checked those museums off your (bucket) list. Our lovely bubble was once yours for the bursting, but now it seems kind of perfect the way it is.

*AdMo at 1 a.m. does not count.

5. Left Your Laundry in the Washer for *Only* a Few Hours After Its Cycle Finished: And that was the day you become *that* person.

6. Easy Mac: Our most dependable friend. Just add water.

7. Fallen on the Red Brick Road: Did anyone see that half-stumble, half-pay-a-millisecond-visit-to-your-maker after you encountered that loose brick on N Street? At least some experiences make us grateful for modern marvels like poured concrete .

8. Paid a Lockout Fee: This one goes out to you, roommate who insists a $100 lock-change fee is a reasonable trade-off for the invitation that would automatically be extended to Freddy Krueger by leaving your apartment door unlocked.

9.“Insufficient Funds”: An inevitable reality, kindly facilitated by Chick-Fil-A and our helpless acquiescence to The Corp. But who thought it would happen this fast?

10.Made an Actual Bucket List: It’s okay, we have too.

If you found yourself thinking, “been there, done that,” we’re sorry: NSO-era you is probably frowning.

Sources: giphy.com, usnews.com