10 Things I’d Rather Listen To Than 3 Doors Down

January 20th has come and gone, and Inauguration weekend has commenced. What does that mean? Only that 3 Doors Down has risen from the dead! If you don’t know who they are, don’t be surprised. You’ve probably spent your entire life unconsciously avoiding them, as one Twitter user explained. Their most famous song “Kryptonite” isn’t the worst, but honestly it probably belongs where I found it: middle school. At this point, I would almost rather do anything than jam to my middle school tunes, but the following situations made the top of the list.

  1. Listen to the basketball score from last Monday’s game on repeat.

I promise this is the most heartbreaking sound on here.

2. The Sound of My Own Voice

Have you ever heard your own pre-recorded voicemail? Count yourself lucky if you haven’t. It is one of the worst sounds you’ll ever hear, but I’d still prefer it to 3 Doors Down.

3. “Friday” by Rebecca Black

Honestly, this might have been a better choice because the Inauguration was on Friday. And in the wise words of Rebecca Black, “Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday/ Today it is Friday/ . . . We gonna have a ball today.” There was an Inauguration Ball Friday night, after all.

4. “Meme Machine” by Pink Guy

We’re now losing our favorite meme. At least this song can honor that. Also, it’s #5 in the Australian Top 50, so there’s that.

5. Paolo from The Lizzie McGuire Movie singing “What Dreams Are Made Of

SING TO ME, PAOLO.

6. “The Guacamole Song” by Dr. Jean

If you squint kinda hard and close one eye she almost resembles Hillary Clinton!! I would definitely listen to this horrific song over “Kryptonite” if I could see Dr. Jean perform it.

7. “Sweatshirt” by Jacob Sartorius

After listening to everyone under 13 blast this song at the pool this summer, I’m honestly tired of it. It’s pretty autotuned, but at least it’s kind of catchy.

8. “Let it Go

This song was great when it came out, but it is so overplayed that I honestly cannot hear it one more time. But when faced with the choice of 3 Doors Down or “Let It Go,” I’ll stand in the light of day and let the storm rage on. The song never bothered me anyways. (Side note: fun inauguration remix here)

9. Watch all of the Buzzfeed Unsolved videos alone AND in the dark

This is the scariest possible thing that I could think of.

10. “Amigas Cheetahs” by The Cheetah Girls

Honestly this song isn’t even a problem. I found it in my iTunes folder and it’s just beautiful. I would definitely go to the concert if they were there. 11/10 would recommend.

I hope that this gave you a laugh or at least gave you some ideas of what to listen to instead of 3 Doors Down!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, genius.com

A Guide to Holiday Breakups

winterbreakups

As the New Year approaches, you may want to start considering some potential resolutions for 2015. Perhaps you want to stop taking Buzzfeed quizzes or going on Netflix binges when you really should be cramming for that Econ exam tomorrow. Or maybe you really feel like you need to shed some dead weight (either figuratively or literally).

If you opt for the latter resolution, and interpret it in a more metaphorical rather than literal sense, then 4E is here to lend you a helping hand as we present the top 5 ways to breakup with your significant other this holiday season.

  1. The “I got rabies from a reindeer” Text: Shoot your significant other a text informing them that you have recently contracted rabies as you were bit by a wandering reindeer on campus and are no longer able to be involved in the relationship. Make sure you emphasize that it’s not them, it’s really you and your foaming mouth that’s ending things. You’ll seem super considerate for taking on all of the blame for your relationship woes, which your soon to be ex will surely appreciate.
          
  2. Choreographed Dance to “Let It Go”:  It’s a known fact that everyone loves the element of surprise, especially when it comes to a relationship. So why not make the end of your relationship the biggest surprise of all? Choreograph an entire routine to “Let It Go” with the help of some background dancers, just like all the proposal videos you’ve inevitably watched on Youtube. You can think of it as your anti-proposal for your soon-to-be-ex. This option is a great way to prove just how thoughtful and creative you are, as you put so much effort into your breakup.
  3. Anti-Pickup Line Candy Gram:  Since it’s the holiday season, a lot of groups are selling candy grams all over campus. Swing by one of their stands and purchase one for your significant other. Make sure to include some sort of cheesy anti-pickup line so they know that isn’t your average holiday-themed candy gram.  We recommend something along the lines of “Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?”. While the sting of rejection might hurt, the candy they’ll receive with your witty note is sure to dull the pain!
  4. Christmas Song Themed Letter: Nothing gets you in the holiday spirit quite like some Christmas carols! Sprinkle some of your favorite lyrics into a traditional breakup letter and you’ll end up with the most festive approach of all. Some lyrical suggestions include: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas without you” or “Joy to the world, my freedom from you has come”. Make sure to sign the letter with “Have a holly, jolly Christmas!” so they know that you don’t want any hard feelings to exist!
  5. The “I’m Moving to the North Pole” Convo: When all else fails meet up with your significant other in person and inform them that you are moving to the North Pole to fulfill your lifelong goal of becoming Buddy the Elf. Invest in an elf costume and continually quote the legendary movie throughout your conversation so it seems like you’re being genuine. When your former girlfriend/boyfriend refuses to believe you, pretend to receive a very important phone call and answer by saying “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” as you slowly back away and fade out of their life…

It is beginning to look a lot like freedom. And may all your breakups be merry and brief.

Gifs: tumblr.com, reactiongifs.us

Photo: http://images.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_600/631_holiday-break-ups-1055439-flash.jpg