4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that in truth commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

Things to Do Once You Crash on Homecoming

I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.

You can find me at any one of these locations.

If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky — we have something to look forward to!

HOMECOMING

Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little too familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.

But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.

When you see your friend at a party and go in for a hug but you both just fall down.

“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.

*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.

NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!

Food

When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:

Domino’s: (202) 342-0100

Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424

Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478

Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.

God, Jan, no one else wants donuts. You’re the only one who wants donuts.

Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.

Film & Television

Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:

Troy

Also known as three hours of shirtless men (Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom … need I say more?) prancing around in togas, doing battle/sword stuff. The highest of entertainment.

Bend it Like Beckham

Do you ever just crave a feel-good movie with inspiring messages about female empowerment, family traditions and love? This movie is soooooo underrated.

Harry Potter

Homecoming in a nutshell.

Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too) and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.

Zoey 101 (or any Nickelodeon/Disney Channel throwbacks)

Me if anyone so much as mentions the words “Tito’s and lemonade”…

These are crowd-pleasers. Need I say more?

Miscellaneous Nonsense

If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:

Hit the books.

I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.

Just lie down.

Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.

Thank you for sticking with me through this list of highly curated content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

50 Things Better Than SaxaNet

Despite being 3 months into a school year that has graced us with new Leo’s and a NUG, we still have no new SaxaNet. Maybe this is a cry for help or just an attempt to make sure that we live in a constant state of stress, but one thing is for sure: 4E is here to remind you of all of the things better than our current SaxaNet!

1 . GuestNet.

2. Wisey’s Rat. A cultural icon.

3. NUG (New Uncommon Grounds).

4. Being swerved by Patrick Ewing for a selfie.

5. A closed Quick Pita #neverforget #foreverinourhearts.

6. Sleeping on the ground, waiting for a speaker while it rains (HRC event last year I’m looking at you).

7. The VW Bus in Leo’s.

8. JT3.

9. Just getting up to the Vill A rooftops as the parties are being shut down.

10. Meek Mill getting arrested before Hoya Madness.

11. The President DeGioia Fathead on Vil A.

12. The lines at Whisk at 9 am.

13. Chik-Fil-A closing at 7 pm on a weeknight.

14. Class in St. Mary’s and then in Walsh 15 minutes later.

15. Drinking with your parents.

16. The 2008 Leo’s norovirus outbreak.

17. Walking up the Regents stairs.

18. Rain during the Farmer’s Market.

19. Rats scurrying across your path on the way to Lau 2.

20. The lack of soy milk AND a working blender at Midnight MUG.

21. The football team’s losing season (1-7).

22. Our rivalry with the Georgetown neighborhood.

23. Maintenance request response rates.

24. The lack of a Metro stop in Georgetown.

25. Walking up the Exorcist Steps.

26. LXR.

27. The one hour three hour wait for Cosí last year (#gonebutneverforgotten).

28. The Walsh elevator.

29. The emergence of Darnall as a #lit dorm.

30. Being rejected from Blue and Gray AND The Corp AND GUASFCU (Thanks Georgetown meme page for showing accurate feels!).

31. Going to Wisey’s at 11:15 pm and finding it closed.

32. The line on Tapingo for Bulldog at 8:01pm (#55thinlinereactsonly).

33. Meeting yet ANOTHER member of the #DirtyJerz during NSO.

34. The Lau fire alarm going off in the middle of midterms season.

35. Sweetgreen’s move to Wisconsin.

36. FINALLY seeing Jack on campus, but he’s not up for photos.

37. Using the last of your flex dollars.

38. Being such a Lau regular that the security guard recognizes doesn’t ask for your GoCard.

39. Starbucks not accepting your free drinks.

40. Paying for Chick-Fil-A.

41. Lau as an entity.

42. The prices at the bookstore.

43. Hilltoss’ new menu.

44. Only getting free samples of apples and peaches from the Farmer’s Market because you spent all of your money.

45. Taking your midterm and realizing that ~studying memes~ on Lau 4 last night did not help.

46. Getting to Farmers Fishers Bakers at 10:35am (just missing First Bake) and having no breakfast.

47. Eating at downstairs Leo’s.

48. Getting to class after your professor has started speaking.

49. Getting rejected from Piano in addition to getting your fake taken.

50. Reading this article using GuestNet.

As much as we complain about it, we can appreciate like understand Saxanet and its dysfunction. Hopefully by next finals season we’ll have a better version to hate!

Photos/GIFS: giphy.com, facebook.com, pinterest.com

A Guide To Homecoming

Yes, it’s sadly still midterm season, which means that you’re probably reading this article on Lau 2 while simultaneously crafting a last-minute email to your professor begging for an extension. But now it’s time for you to take a break from the stress and completely ignore all your responsibilities, because #HoyaHomecoming is officially upon us. In honor of the one day a year we can kind of act like a state school, we here at 4E have complied a helpful guide to make sure that your Homecoming experience is a success.

#HoyaHomecoming 2017, colorized.

Remember: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Look, we’ve all been there: You and 20 of your closest friends are crammed into a 12×15 foot dorm room. You’re looking ~fresh~ in your very original, one-of-a-kind, totally unique Georgetown basketball jersey. Your signature song (“Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira) is playing, and that cutie from your Econ class is definitely taking notice of your impressive dabbing ability. Needless to say, the pregame is ~lit~. And at some point, this level of “litness” will likely inspire you to “go all out” for #HoyaHomecoming and do one of the following: A) Take way too many shots of Fireball B) Take way too many shots of Lime Burnett’s or C) Chug an entire can of Four Loko.

As you consider your options, 4E is here to give you some friendly advice: DON’T DO IT. Under the florescent lights of that sweaty dorm room, we know it may seem like a good idea, but trust us, in a few hours, you will come to the painful realization that it was not. The key to a successful Homecoming is to pace yourself. Unlike a normal night out, you will be expected both to stay awake for more than four hours and to functionally interact with actual adults in a non-Piano-Bar-setting. Neither of those things will be possible if you achieve maximum “litness” at 9 a.m. And as you make your decisions about how much to drink throughout the rest of the day, just remember that while Homecoming may be temporary, Snapchat screenshots are forever.

Love Thy Neighbor.

If you remember anything from last year’s homecoming, you’ll remember that our neighbors literally hate us. And noise. And alcohol. And anything even remotely resembling fun. So despite the fact that they knew ~Georgetown~ University was located here when they made the decision to move to ~Georgetown~, they will not hesitate to call the feds S.N.A.P.S on us if they catch the slightest whiff of Burnett’s or hear even the faintest hint of “Mr. Brightside” coming from a townhouse. Unfortunately for many of our readers out there, what this means is that most of your upperclassman friends will probably not be cool with you and every other member of Darnall 5 crashing their party.

But don’t worry! Getting rejected from and/or getting kicked out of at least one party is basically a #HoyaHomecoming rite of passage. And there are still plenty of other fun ways for you to spend your day! You can wander aimlessly around the neighborhood and engage in some classic Georgetown traditions, such as sprinting away from GUPD cars, getting yelled at by old people who may or may not be John Kerry, and searching for half-empty cans of Natty that have been discarded on the street.

Back on campus, you can easily sneak into pay for a ticket to the tailgate on Regents lawn- here you can do some cool stuff like get a sunburn and make awkward small talk with alumni while you wait in the food line for 20 minutes. And of course, if all else fails, we’ll always have the Vil A rooftop. Nothing says #HoyaHomecoming quite like gazing out at that beautiful Arlington skyline as you watch  your classmates come dangerously close to falling over the railing.

Georgetown residents upon seeing even a single red solo cup

Water. Food. Rest. Repeat.

Remember what I said earlier about pacing yourself? I can already tell that you didn’t listen to me. Now you’re exhausted, your phone is dead, and you’re sitting on the floor of a New South bathroom, wondering where it all went wrong. You’ve managed to lose both your dignity and your GoCard- and it’s still only noon. Bet you don’t feel so “lit” anymore, huh? But don’t despair – 4E is here to save you! First, you need to walk/crawl to the nearest vending machine/sink/Dahlgren Fountain, and HYDRATE. You are in desperate need of H2O. Drink up.

Next, you need to eat something that will help counteract the consequences of that last Natty you ~regrettably~ decided to shotgun. If you can’t talk your way back into the tailgate to acquire some free pizza, we recommend you stick with what you know and head on over to Wisey’s. After all, the best Chicken Madnesses are the ones you don’t remember eating.

Finally, your phone isn’t the only thing that needs to recharge. Whether it’s in your own bed or in the middle of Healy Lawn, you need to take a power nap. Find a spot, tell a friend to wake you up in an hour and pass out. Don’t worry, the Vil A rooftop isn’t going anywhere. There will be plenty more opportunities to embarrass yourself when you wake up.

You at Homecoming if you ignore my advice

Make Memories

As a distinguished member of the class of ‘85 drunkenly yelled at me during Homecoming last year once told me, college is the best four years of your life. I know this may not seem true as you stress-cry while writing a paper on Lau 2 at 4 a.m., but Homecoming gives you the perfect opportunity to rediscover why you first fell in love with Georgetown all those year(s) ago. So don’t be afraid to belt out the (probably wrong) lyrics to the fight song when someone inevitably starts up a bad acapella rendition in the middle of a party. Don’t be afraid to make valuable future business connections new friends as you wait in line for food at the tailgate. Don’t be afraid to break your wrist from falling off of the John Carrol statue while trying to take that perfect #HoyaHomecoming Instagram.

Because we here at 4E want to let you in on a secret: our sources can confirm that the real world is a scary place. Apparently, once you turn 23, it is suddenly no longer acceptable to sleep until 2 p.m. every day, or eat chicken fingers for every meal, or religiously attend an event called “Jersey Night” every Wednesday. And so, my fellow students, be sure to enjoy every moment of your time here on the Hilltop. And to all the alumni out there reading this guide with a mix of shock, nostalgia, and anticipation, we leave you with the immortal words of Saint John Thompson Jr: “If I can’t go to Heaven, take me back to Georgetown.”

See you soon, and Hoya Saxa.

P.S: Please actually make good choices! And remember that GERMS can always be reached at 202-687-4357.

Sources: giphy.com/ Lauinger Library

5 Questions I Have for Georgetown While Abroad

Hello, Hoyas on the Hilltop and abroad. I am currently studying in Hong Kong, and well, even across the Pacific, I still see snaps and get email updates, so all in all, I have a lot of questions.

  1.  WHAT IS THE NEW LEO’S LIKE?? Is the food good? Is the renovation lovely? Are there lines? How is the food? What is your favorite “station” or whatever you call the different dining options upstairs? How do you like the food?
  2. How long is the line at Chick-fil-A? Last year at 3pm the masses would convene in Hoya Court to hit up Subway, Così and the other two or three places at which you could use a meal swipe. I’m assuming that whenever Chick-fil-A opens there is a large line. How do you pass the time? Do you wonder why it is not open on Sunday’s? Do you contemplate the Problem of God?
  3.  Where is the new Uncommon Grounds?
  4.  Does Patrick Ewing enjoy being back at campus? Honestly, I bet we’re all asking that. And also wondering will this be our year to make it to the NIT March Madness?~Coach Ewing enjoying himself at his 1985 Georgetown graduation~
  5.  And when did we become a football school? Now, I’m not a math major, but if you add Georgetown football  to RFK stadium, we are still not a state school.  I guess pretending we’re a football school for a day will have to do until we turn into one.

Roll Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com, Quickmeme.com, redbubble.net, hoyas2015.georgetwon.edu, wikitravel.com

The Super Bowl for Dummies

Super Bowl for Dummies

The day everyone has been waiting for is finally here. Football fans and commercial die-hards alike get their fix on this nationally celebrated occasion. The Super Bowl has finally arrived, and we here at 4E want to make sure all of our fellow Hoyas are well prepared for the event. So, here is a guide to the who, where and what to eat of the Super Bowl.

Who’s Who

The 14-4 New England Patriots will battle the 14-4 Seattle Seahawks on Sunday night. The Patriots bring in a high-powered offense led by Tom Brady and slightly deflated footballs. The Seahawks will send out arguably the best defense in the NFL to try and slow down Brady. In charge of stopping Brady will be Richard Sherman and the rest of the Seattle secondary, otherwise known as the “Legion of Boom.” The Seahawks’ offense is led by quarterback Russell Wilson who is coming off a four interception performance in the NFC Championship and will need to bounce back. The workhouse of the Seattle offense is running back Marshawn “Beast Mode” Lynch. Beast Mode may not have a lot to say in his interviews, but his play on the field will absolutely need to speak for itself if the Seahawks want to have a chance against the Pats.

Patriots’ Key Players: QB Tom Brady, TE Rob Gronkowski, RB LeGarrette Blount, DT Vince Wilfork, Aaron Hernandez (while he may not actually be playing, the former Pats tight end’s trial for murder began this week – it’s absolutely something to keep an eye on)

Seahawks’ Key Players: RB Marshawn Lynch, QB Russell Wilson, CB Richard Sherman/Legion of Boom

With that said, look for one of the following players to steal the show on Sunday…

National Anthem: Idina Menzel, who sings “Let it Go” from Frozen will have the honor of singing the national anthem before kickoff. This is quite the honor for Menzel. That same stage has been host to legendary artists such as Whitney Houston, Carrie Underwood and Billy Joel, to name a few.

Halftime Show: For those of you not-so-huge football fans, the halftime show will be none other than California Girl Katy Perry. Perry says she has a whole brand new show planned for halftime, and will be joined by Lenny Kravitz and another secret special guest. Word on the street is Perry cut out Thin Mints to be in performance-ready shape come Sunday.

Where is it

The game itself will be played at the University of Phoenix Stadium which is ironically located in Glendale, Arizona. Kickoff is set for 6:30 pm and can be found on NBC. Super Bowl parties are always a good time and would be a great excuse to gather friends and not do homework on a Sunday.

However, if neither you nor your friends have cable, ample seating space or the necessary funds to host, don’t worry, our friends at Georgetown Program Board have you covered. They will be hosting a watch party in the Healey Family Student Center with free Wingo’s wings, Domino’s Pizza, DC Cupcakes and soda. Here is the link for the Facebook event, and if you do not have anywhere to head for the Super Bowl, I highly suggest turning this into your own personal Super Bowl Party and taking advantage of the opportunity. The event officially begins at 6:30, but the Program Board suggests coming early to make sure you get a good seat.

What do I eat?

The Super Bowl is just as much about food as it is about football. As I just said, the game watch in HFSC will have all the Super Bowl Sunday essentials. Throwing a party and not sure what to get for your guests? Easy, wings and pizza. Nothing says “Super Bowl” quite like wings and pizza. In fact, about 1.25 billion chicken wings are expected to be eaten during the game, which is just about four wings for every American. So give Wingo’s a call and order at least four wings for everyone at your party (I would probably suggest more than four a person, but that’s just me). 50 wings at Wingo’s will cost you $47.99 before delivery and tax. In addition, any good host needs to have a strong snack game. Most people will be glued to the game and cannot be bothered to get up, so a great spread of snacks is crucial. Things like chips and guac/salsa are classics, but don’t hesitate to get creative. Buffalo chicken dip is a personal favorite, but feel free to make your own snack choices for your own party.

This year’s Super Bowl will hopefully be a little more entertaining than last year’s blowout, but either way it is a great way to get friends together and enjoy each other’s company, or at least to just take a break from schoolwork for a few hours. So kick back, relax, enjoy the game and find out if the Seattle Seahawks can repeat, or if the golden boy Tom Brady will spoil their fun. Also, be sure to keep an eye out during the commercials, because sometimes they outshine the actual game. Happy Super Bowl Sunday Georgetown.

 

P.S. Maybe the Super Bowl is not your style. Well, The Puppy Bowl will be airing at 3 :00 pm on the Animal Planet and is exactly what you would hope for. It is a bunch of puppies running around with football toys. Enjoy.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com; http://ciudadypoder.mx/

Top 10 Superbowl Prospects: Looks Before Talent

Tom-Brady

Super Bowl Sunday is TODAY! Tune in, along with the other 10 million people that are expected to watch, at 6:30 pm. Things are about to get real intense for football fans. The Seahawks are the first defending Super Bowl champs since, um, the Patriots, in 2004 and 2005. And the Seahawks quarterback, Russell Wilson (see below), is aiming to become the youngest quarterback in history to win two Super Bowls in a row. Tom Brady, the Patriots quarterback (also see below), is the current record-holder. Oh, the sweet, sweet irony.

For those of you who read the previous paragraph without absorbing a single piece of information because you either a) know nothing about football or b) don’t care one way or another who wins, don’t give up on this post just yet!

If you’re not going to admire the talent on the field, you can at least admire the dazzling good looks on the screen in front of you while you guzzle down your Tostitos and salsa. So, without further ado, here are the top 5 most attractive men from each of the competing teams that you simply must look out for. (View at your own risk — you should probably sit down for this).

Top 5 New England Patriots

1. Tom Brady: This man simply does not have a single flaw. He is one of the best, if not the best (I’ll admit I’m biased as a dedicated Patriots fan myself) quarterbacks in the National Football League. If his international fame isn’t enough, get this: he is a University of Michigan graduate. So, athleticism and brains… mmhmm. Even more, if a male Victoria’s Secret company existed, he would undoubtedly be their poster child. He’s 6’4,” and LOOK AT THAT SMILE. He’s beautiful – clean-cut haircut, perfect pearly whites and just the right amount of scruff. Lastly, off-the-field, he is the ultimate family man. He has three adorable children and a smokin’ hot wife. Not every guy can just pick up an internationally renowned super-model, alright? Oh, and he’s 37, yet looks like he’s 25. So, basically: this man is a superhero. Enjoy the view.

2. Danny Amendola: After signing with the Patriots in 2013, Danny Amendola quickly made quite an impression in the League. He didn’t go unnoticed by NFL fans either. And no, I am not just referring to his speed and pass receptions. Take one good look at this picture and I think you’ll know what I’m getting at – he’s quite easy on the eyes. He rocks the facial hair perfectly, and honestly, he has better eyebrows than most girls I know. Oh, and in case you missed it, LOOK AT HIS BICEPS. Seriously, he’s not even flexing. Ugh, swoon. Measuring at 5’11”, he may not be the most imposing player on the field, but when he looks like that, who really cares?

3. Devin McCourty: Devin McCourty has been with the Patriots since 2010, and thankfully so. First, let’s start with the hat. A beanie is hard enough to pull off, but throw a pom pom on top, and you’ve got quite the wardrobe challenge. But, no problem for this guy. He somehow manages not to look like a foolish adult wearing a children’s hat. Snaps on snaps on snaps for Devin  (yes, we’re on a first name basis). Second, let’s talk about the form-fitting shirt. A) It looks like something you could find at Lululemon, so right away we know he has good taste. B) It’s FORM FITTING. The biceps will really get ya, once again. Third, but unfortunately missing from this particular picture, are his massive diamond earrings. Straight-up stud. I’ll take a matching pair anytime…

4. Rob Gronkowski: Better known as “Gronk.” In the past few seasons, Gronk has suffered injury after injury, leaving him unable to perform his classic touchdown spike. His football career may have suffered from injuries, but his looks certainly did not. Testament to that fact: he was on the cover of ESPN’s body issue. Look at those chiseled abs. His pecs, his traps, his biceps… I won’t go on to list every muscle in the human body, but you get the point. It literally looks like he was carved from clay. He may not be the brightest bulb, but he knows how to have a good time while looking like a granite statue, so no complaints.
P.S. Waiting for my marriage proposal any day, so don’t get your hopes up.

5. Julian Edelman:  Julian Edelman has occupied much of the spotlight in the Patriots’ most recent seasons. For that, we are all #blessed. He may only be 5’10”, but the fact that he’s a Cali boy certainly makes up for it. His hair is freshly gelled – not too much, not too little – and expertly side-swept. And those piercing baby-blue eyes? Go ahead and do us a favor, Julian, and just don’t blink… like ever. Lastly, he’s a solid 200 pounds of muscle. I mean, just look at the vein bulging in his bicep. Keep doing you, Julian, no one is opposed.

Top 5 Seattle Seahawks

1. Cooper Helfet: Dayum. Discovering Cooper Helfet on the Seahawks roster was probably the highlight of my day, and I am really not ashamed to admit it (even though I probably should be). He’s got a Liam Hemsworth look-a-like thing going on, and we are so okay with it. 6 feet, 3 inches of true beauty. Even more, he’s a Duke University graduate. Plus, he’s from California. Talk about the whole package: Cali-bred looks, athleticism and brains. I think it is fair to say we will all be looking for him on the big screen come game time.

2. Doug Baldwin: Oh, Dougy. He is one fine sight. His skin is radiant – it must be that Florida sun he grew up under. His teeth are perfect, and his eyes are those puppy-dog eyes we all strive to mimic. His diamond stud earrings are not quite as impressive as Devin McCourty’s, but still a tasteful touch. HMU with a matching pair before Devin, and I may just have to convert to a Seahawks fan. If you weren’t already impressed, his graduating from Stanford has to earn him some serious brownie points. Even if he is on the shorter side of the spectrum, measuring only 5’10”, he’s got a smile that is definitely worth at least 3 inches.

3. Russell Wilson: The Seahawks quarterback doesn’t quite lead his team in the looks department the way Tom Brady does, but he is still quite visually appealing. He especially pulls off the rugged tough-guy look, and we dig it. Those eyes are simply irresistible. And those luscious curls? They’ve got Pantene written all over them. A freshly-cut do obviously means he puts effort into his appearance, and boy, does it show. Additionally, he was locally grown! He was born in Richmond, VA so that’s cool, I guess. In the battle of the beautiful quarterbacks tomorrow, let’s see who takes home the W.

4. Bryan Walters: A Cornell grad, we can be sure Bryan Walters is more than just a pretty face. But, with that said, he actually really is a pretty face. The slight ginger tint to his hair offsets his penetrating blue eyes impeccably. His facial hair is groomed to absolute perfection. And no one can deny his total masculinity with that Adam’s apple jumping out at you. He’s only been with the Seahawks for two seasons, but with looks like that, we will take every season we can get.

5. Brock Coyle: He may be a rookie on the field, but he certainly has got the looks thing down already. With dark brown, maybe black, hair and bright blue eyes, Brock is basically Megan Fox’s male doppelgänger. That can be said about very few people, so appreciate it. Although he may not play much tomorrow, that does not mean, by any means, that you shouldn’t scan the sidelines with an eagle eye. You really won’t regret it.

So, you’re welcome. All these beautiful men will be on every big-screen tomorrow, so embrace it one-hundo-percent.

Photos: footballperspective.com; musketfire.com; jacksonville.com; pixgood.com; greginhollywood.com; pinterest.com; athletepromotions.com; seahawks.com; zimbio.com; http://sportige.com/

 

4E’s Guide to the Thanksgiving Food Coma

thanksgivingfoods

Going home for Thanksgiving inevitably means one thing: a weekend-long Thanksgiving food coma.

You arrive home to a fridge packed full of all your favorite foods and you are simply overwhelmed by the sight. You begin the food frenzy with Thanksgiving dinner, which forces you to unbutton your pants and lay on the couch just so you can walk again.

You think that after recovering from this food coma, you’ll be good for the whole weekend, but think again. You will be suffering from this food coma all weekend as you binge on all the treats your mom got on her last Costco run. You can’t resist your gluttonous ways, but it’s OK, all of us are like you.

So here is how to come back from that three-day food rampage:

Sleep. Sleep off the food all day long. In order to do this properly, you must first commandeer the couch. It is yours; no one can take it away from you (until your older bro or cousin throws you off for the game). Then take the best blanket in the house (the one that everyone fights over) and cocoon yourself like a little, or let’s be real, large burrito. Finally, sleep away.

Watch football. There are some great college football games on tomorrow, so take this opportunity to nurse yourself back to functioning by watching some ESPN. It’ll give you the perfect excuse to continue to be absolutely sloth-like and also to eat more. Nobody can yell at you for chillin’ on the couch because you’re doing it for the love of football. Remember clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. But also full stomachs, too.

This is you.

Wear only pants with elastic. If you are wearing pants with an actual button on them and no elastic as you are reading this, then you are doing it wrong. Stop and put on some stretchy pants, and just do less. When I say stretchy pants, I mean wear those flannel pajama pants you got last year for Christmas or those gray sweats that are so huge that you can fit another person in them.

mean-girls-sweatpants

Eat more food. Like curing a bad hangover, the only way to come back from stuffing your face with last night’s leftovers is to just continue eating. You’ve already consumed enough calories to feed an Olympic men’s swimming team, so you might as well keep going. There is really no going back at this point.

Do not exercise or do any school work. Opening a book or going to the gym will only make the food coma worse, believe me. The headaches and stomachaches will be excruciating and you will keep asking yourself why you continue to actually care at all. It is best if you just pretend to be an illiterate mass, only motivated by the aroma of something greasy being cooked in the kitchen.

Those are the commandments you must live by to survive this post-“food baby” madness. Remember, more than anything, do not do anything. Anything that takes up more effort than walking to the kitchen is not worth it.

Photos/Gifs: Tumblr

10 Things to Know Before the World Cup Starts

World Cup

As I’m sure many of you are aware, the World Cup begins today! If you love soccer (or football, as the rest of the world calls it), then great! If you don’t, I suggest avoiding all sports bars and large TV screens in general for the next few weeks. However, if you want to watch the World Cup, but honestly don’t really know much about the event, the teams playing in it or where it’s even taking place, then have no fear, 4E is here to help! (As usual.)

Here are the 10 things 4E thinks you should know about the World Cup:

  1. When does it start? Where is it? The World Cup officially begins Thursday, June 12th at 4:00 pm EST, with the opening game being Brazil versus Croatia. Brazil is the host for this World Cup. Bonus fact: The World Cup’s mascot for this year is named Fuleco, and he is adorableDruck
  2. Who is playing? There are 32 countries competing including the hosts, Brazil. From South America: Argentina, Colombia, Ecuador, Chile and Uruguay. From North/Central America and Caribbean: United States, Costa Rica, Honduras and Mexico. From Asia: Japan, Australia, Iran and South Korea. From Africa: Nigeria, Ivory Coast, Cameroon, Ghana and Algeria. From Europe: Netherlands, Italy, Belgium, Switzerland, Germany, Russia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, England, Spain, Greece, Portugal, Croatia and France.
  3. Who won the last World Cup? Spain.
  4. What’s with Bosnia-Herzegovina? This is the first time the Bosnia-Herzegovina team will be competing in a World Cup Tournament. tumblr_n3v58nnsCX1t5tb3qo1_500
  5. How do the games work? There are 32 countries playing in a total of 64 matches: 48 group stage games and 15 further stage games. There are 8 groups, A – H, each with 4 teams competing within them.
  6. Okay, but how does soccer football the game actually work? In general, a match consist of two teams trying to score by placing a ball past the goal line. If the match ends in a tie, extra time is added. If the tie remains after that, the teams go against each other in a penalty shoot-out of five kicks each. Finally, yellow or red cards signal penalties against players. Yellow cards serve as a caution, and red cards kick the player out of the game.

    tumblr_mjrvyvcs5v1s4xdz1o1_250
    This guy didn’t get a yellow or red card. But he did get embarrassed.
  7. What’s happening in Brazil? As informative and worldly Hoyas, we also need to keep up with current events. First, while constructing a section of the roof of a stadium, a crane fell and killed two workers in Sao Paolo. While part of that stadium was destroyed, many news outlets have reported that several other stadiums are also not finished. What doesn’t help is that this means more money will be spent on financing the World Cup. (Mo’ Money. Mo’ Problems.) Though most citizens are in favor of the World Cup, many people are upset about all the money being spent. Protests from civilians have begun and are expected to continue.
  8. Any big team rivalries? A classic rivalry is between Brazil and Argentina, who if they end up playing against each other would do so in the later final rounds. Think Red Sox versus Yankees-esque. Also, one player, Diego Costa, chose to play in his adopted nation’s team, Spain, over Brazil, where he was born. Awkward.
  9. So, who should I root for? At the end of the day, no one really knows who will win. But, big contenders include Brazil (who has both the home field advantage and one of the best players, Neymar), Germany, Spain, Argentina, and possibly others like England or Belgium.
  10. WHERE IS SHAKIRA? No fear, Shakira is back again for this World Cup with her new anthem for the games, La La La. tumblr_n6pt3uR2LV1qdafsho1_500Bonus: She’s also there cheering on her boyfriend, Gerard Pique, who plays for Spain.

So, if you didn’t know, now you know. Enjoy the World Cup, Hoyas!

Photos: http://autoinsidermalaysia.blogspot.com/2014/04/press-release-naza-kia-kick-off-with.html, Tumblr, telegraph.co.uk

5 Reasons You Can’t Miss Chris Kluwe on Campus

chris kluwe

Chris Kluwe is coming! He’ll be in Walsh 394 at 6:30 tonight! You can meet him! For those of you who don’t already know, Chris Kluwe is a retired Minnesota Vikings punter, before his NFL career he played for UCLA and he is the ultimate ally. Before I get into all the reasons you really can’t afford to not hear what he has to say when he gets to campus, here is a little background information:

After Baltimore Ravens player,Brendon Ayanbadejo, voiced his support for same-sex marriage, a state delegate from Maryland sent a letter to the Raven’s owner asking him to keep Ayanbadejo quiet. Chris Kluwe had a few awesome things to say about that in a not-so-kindly-worded letter. This leads me to all the reasons you do not want to miss this event:

1. His fearless wit is something to learn from: Chris Kluwe immediately responded to the Maryland politician’s letter saying, “I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level.” Roger that, Chris. Next time you’re in a jam for a witty comeback, just think: What would Kluwe do-we?

2. He can teach you how to intellectually insult someone: One of Kluwe’s favorite things to do is to hide the point he is trying to make in an insult that sounds so factual and sophisticated that people may not even realize it’s insulting. Talk about effective. He also enjoys combining curse words with other unpredictable words to make things funny. See the OUT Magazine article for his blog-unfriendly example and his full letter.

3. He is breaking molds: Kluwe represents those of us who understand how hard it can be to identify with multiple groups and enjoy a variety of different activities. As an NFL player who also likes video games and literature, he can certainly give you a lesson or two in how to juggle your vast and varying interests and identities.

4. Ellen Degeneres admires himNeed I say more?

5. Most importantly, you’ll be adding awareness: LGBTQ rights are being fought for by students right here on the Hilltop. Take this opportunity to further your knowledge, raise awareness or get engaged for the first time.

"See you there.."
“See you there…”

Images and quotes: out.com