President-Elect Donald Trump’s Cabinet Picks Celebrity Apprentice Version

trump cabinetIt has been a little over a month since our nation elected our 45th president, and slowly but surely, our country is accepting the results. President-elect Trump has just about finalized his Cabinet, leaving many Americans equally disillusioned. With that being said, I am not here to comment on politics or on the choices our President-Elect has made, but rather, to offer my opinions on who he should have appointed to Cabinet positions from his wildly successful television series, The Celebrity Apprentice. I whole-heartedly believe these “celebrities” could do the job better than anyone our future president could nominate.

Education Secretary: Lil Jon

Who could be a better Education Secretary than Lil Jon? With a high school education under his belt and a grasp on the English language so strong he was able to come up with the party-shattering lyrics:

“Fire up that loud
Another round of shots

Turn down for what?” (repeat 5x)

This man clearly knows what a good education is all about. All jokes aside, he could do wonders for schools’ fine arts programs.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Lisa Rinna

The clear pick of all former cast mates is Lisa Rinna. This woman knows what she is talking about in regards to surgeries. She is an admitted fan of Botox and can talk about lip injections more knowledgeably than a plastic surgeon.

Secretary of Transportation: Khloe Kardashian

I would like to start off by saying the Kardashians are practically America’s royalty, so obviously one of them needs to be in our government. Khloé should be a go-to pick for Trump, considering she knows a thing or two about expensive cars and private jets.

Secretary of Treasury: Teresa Giudice

Another no-brainer: why wouldn’t we want Teresa Giudice in charge of the Treasury? She went to jail and learned her lesson about fraud and tax evasion, so who better than to manage our nation’s wealth? If anyone knows anything about the importance of healthy finances, it is this woman.

Secretary of Defense: Piers Morgan

Have we all seen Piers Morgan’s Twitter attacks on Chrissy Teigen? I mean honestly I would not want to oppose this guy. All it will take is 140 characters for him to bring down Putin.

Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Similar to Teresa Giudice, I think Snooki would be an excellent addition to our nation’s Cabinet considering she has learned from experience. After PETA put Snooki on blast for dyeing her dog purple, I truly believe she is a reformed woman and would do our nation well by serving as Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency.

Administrator of Small Business Administration: Stephen Baldwin

As the not as famous Baldwin brother, Stephen knows what it is like to deal with “less.” Less fame, less fortune, less popularity. Therefore, who would be better-equipped than to deal with small businesses, who, let’s face it, cannot compare to corporations like Microsoft and Apple, than Stephen Baldwin?

Ambassador to the United Nations: Sharon Osbourne

The clear pick is Sharon Osbourne. She has a British accent, need I say more?

So who will be President-Elect Trump’s Secretary of State appointment? Your guess is as good as mine, but if we’re going by The Celebrity Apprentice cast, my vote would be for Kevin Jonas because, come on, who wouldn’t love a Jonas in the spotlight again?

Gifs: giphy.com

The Five Phases of Writing a Final Paper, as told by Melania Trump

melaniaWe’re sad to report that finals season is once again upon us, and the only thing that could make this worse is remembering that Donald Trump won the election. But here at 4E, we have decided to embrace reality and take these two terrifying things in stride by finding a way to combine them. With that in mind, here are the five stages of writing a final paper, as told by our future First Lady, Melania Trump.

Phase 1: Confidence

You stroll onto Lau 2 with your squad, feeling good and looking even better. You pick up your usual vanilla latte and lemon poppy-seed muffin from Midnight, snag a prime table near the vending machines, and you’re ready to crush this paper. You’ve totally got this.

Phase 2: Distraction

You’ve got plenty of time. This paper isn’t due for another ten hours. That’s like a week in college time. Before you start writing, you can definitely afford to spend five minutes stalking that guy from your French class on Facebook or searching for some fire memes to retweet.

Phase 3: Realization

Okay, so five minutes has somehow turned into four hours and all you’ve done is people-watch and take a Buzzfeed quiz to find out what Zoey 101 character you are. Time to get serious. You log on to Blackboard to look at the topic for the first time. Wait… What is this paper supposed to be about? It slowly dawns on you that this paper might not be as easy as you initially thought.

Phase 4: Desperation

Ok, it’s officially time to panic. What is going on? When did the professor ever talk about any of this? You are really regretting your decision to skip so many lectures in favor of waiting in line for a crepe at the farmer’s market. At the height of your anxiety, you seriously start to consider how serious this whole “no plagiarism” rule is. Will anyone really notice if you copy and paste your entire paper from Wikipedia?

Phase 5: Acceptance

There’s no more time for panicking. You’ve got an hour left, and if you type fast enough, you’re pretty sure you can still pull a solid B-. Don’t let the fact that you have no idea what is going on stop you! Just make things up! Literally say anything. If this election cycle has taught us one thing, it’s that you can blatantly lie and people will still believe you:

                                                       Example 1
                                                           Example 2
                                                        Example 3

So there you have it: the five phases of writing a research paper, as told by First Lady-elect Melania Trump. From all of us here at 4E, good luck with your finals and with the next four years.

Gifs: giphy.com

End of Year Freshman Fears

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Happy study days! There are less than two weeks left of freshman year. It felt like only yesterday that I was trying to figure out what GUTS meant, how to pre-register and find my way around campus (okay the last one may have happened yesterday). But freshman year is almost over, and I have a few end of year freshman fears!

Getting lost isn’t cute anymore. Let’s face it, not knowing where the first floor of ICC was as a freshman is completely acceptable. But as a sophomore, not so much.

dylan o brien thomas the maze runner

I have to leave my beloved VCW. How am I supposed to roll out of bed twenty minutes before class in WGR and still make it on time? I’m sure going to miss waking up to the Jes Res fire alarm. Moving to VCE is going to be such a big change.

I’m going to miss my floor. It’s really comforting to know exactly who wakes you up in the middle of the night with their screaming.

FirstAndMonday anchorman loud steve carrell loud noises

Leo’s won’t change. 

stacy sarah paulson oh no american crime story the people v oj simpson

I have to choose a major. Next year I have to choose an acronym that could define the rest of my life ~G[C]ULP~ .

Joce sheldon breathe paper bag

But first I have to get through a few finals and memorize the map of the World.

her library campus studying struggles

Gifs: giphy.com, vomzi.com

How to Study and Make a Difference at the Same Time!

Cat Cafe

Need a place to study, but want to do a good deed at the same time? The on-campus project called “Making a Difference” is partnering with Crumbs and Whiskers in order to save more pets from facing life in shelters.  The coffee shop, located on O St., is giving a discount to Georgetown students ($22 pass for the whole day) so that you can enjoy some coffee, quality study time, and some furry friends to get you through finals!

In case you need a refresher on why cats are awesome, 4E is here to provide you with some quality gifs.

Here’s this one:  

And this one…

And of course this one…

So make a difference and visit Crumbs and Whiskers located on O St. next to Wingos (we know you know where that is).

Images: giphy.com, http://crumbsandwhiskers.com

Finals Flashback: Favorite Facebook Posts

 

Banner - Facebook Flashback

I’m about to drop the worst of the f-bombs: FINALS. Studying for these seemingly never-ending tests can be stressful and overwhelming, if not the worst part of the semester.

When I think about finals, I think about many other f-words: food (because who isn’t hungry 24/7 when studying), fun (of which I am deprived as I sit in a dimly lit Lau cubicle), and Facebook. If you want an F on your final, just open up Facebook, click on a friend’s page, and scroll down. Scroll way, way down. I’m talking pre-2010, when middle school us talked about being on Oovoo, complained about our daily lives, and felt the need to post on social media when we didn’t have any plans.

Thanks to some very low-key stalking kind volunteers, 4E has compiled a list of your favorite bloggers’ best Facebook moments from their better days:

catherine 1I was going to confront you about this, but looks like you already noticed.

courtney 1Were you just trying to prove that you went to school? Do you want an award or something for going?

jenna 1Major retweet. I, too, am overwhelmed by the fact that “groshery” stores have food, and for that very reason, want to leave America, where I hope “groshery” stores will not sell so much food.

keaton 2Actually, it’s funny regardless. And don’t hate on Miley.

dj 1I tried this several times to no avail. Do you have any further advice, because I really love magic circles?

kat 1Yes! Just microwave the battery for a few minutes and it should dry out really fast.

mike 1mike 2Just trying to keep any stalkers up to date on my exact whereabouts at all times.

keaton 1Sporty and fun! Gold medal in embarrassing Facebook posts.

sara 1Personally, I’m screwed for finals, but I feel the pain.

dj 2#blessed

catherine 2OMG did you get his autograph?!?

matt 1Heard the one on Lau 5 is quiet and never runs out of toilet paper!

 

Hope you enjoyed those blasts from the past! Now get back to work!

Photos: videostir.com, facebook.com

The 10 Gifs You Need This Finals Season

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‘Tis the season for crying and complaining. Welcome to finals, the Georgetown version of a state school frat’s hell week. Teachers aren’t clear, assignments are ridiculous and there is a .9 percent chance that you actually have all of the notes to make that study guide. Before you grab your hammer and start beating a hole into the wall of Lau, take a deep breath. 4E has compiled a list of 10 gifs that are sure to express your current anger and frustration. You’re welcome.

1. When your teacher assigns a take home test that is 100% impossible.

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2. When your final is not cumulative, but also low-key very cumulative.

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3. When all of your pens are out of ink, you run out of paper in your legal pad or your computer dies and you have no charger.

Addison Crying

4. When people are happy and smiling and all you want to do is throw hot coffee in their faces.

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5. When someone complains about having “so much work” when in reality they have one final.

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6. When you dedicate 3 hours to an essay and then you have to change everything you just wrote.

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7. When coffee isn’t helping you anymore. Why have you failed us caffeine?

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8. When all your friends finish finals and you are the only one left in Lau.

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9. When someone asks you to do something during finals.

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10. When you are #overit and it is still study days.

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See ya in Lau, baes. Don’t take it personally if I’m rude.

Photos/Gifs: http://awesomelytechie.com/; desperateandunrehearsed.wordpress.com; logspot.com; bustle.com; gifrific.com; hercampus.com; reactiongifs.com; http://gifsec.com/; tumblr.com; http://gifstumblr.com/; staticflickr.com

10 Signs You’re Done with Finals

summers-If it’s not, it’s so soon… You’ve reached the final stretch of Spring 2015 and thoughts of the beach, home cooked meals and high school friends are starting to taunt you. In case it hasn’t hit you yet, here’s 10 signs that you are done!

1. You’ve kissed Lau goodbye.

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2. Your dorm room/ apartment has turned into a maze of boxes that you’re not quite sure you’ll ever be able to escape.

3. You finally have the chance to relax on Healy beach.

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4. That deep, dark anger looming over you for the past week has been replaced with a rejuvenating sense of liberation as you throw away a semester’s worth of notes and assignments.

5. Your nightmares of terms, formulas and literature have been replaced by dreams of the beach and long car rides with friends back home windows down country blaring.

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6. The sunburn on your shoulders has arrived to remind you of the 4 months of freedom you’re about to enjoy.

7. You have a newly acquired love for Georgetown, the world and your parents as they approach campus to deal with all of your stuff and/or shoot you the text asking what groceries you’d like them to pick up.

8. You’ve been hit by the bittersweet realization that you’re a year closer to graduating, thus adulthood, thus retirement.

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9. You’ve shed a tear saying goodbye to friends who will no longer be just next door for awhile.

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10. It has crossed your mind that each meal you eat at Leo’s is one of your lasts for awhile.

CONGRATS HOYAS YOU MADE IT ANOTHER YEAR!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com; flxr

Spanish 002 Study Guide

spanish

As finals week reaches its last few days, the end is in sight! After countless hours in Lau doing Econ problem sets and memorizing those IR questions you probably feel that you deserve to take a break. But wait, you still have that Spanish exam tomorrow. In case you are like me and somehow have forgotten every word you have ever learned in Spanish, do not panic, here is all you need to know:

Section I: Listening Comprehension:

By far the hardest section of the whole exam. You will hear a series of very fast and confusing conversations. Right when you think you understand what is said, they say something else that you completely miss. Unfortunately, the recording is only played once.

How to study for this section: Listen to Spanish Music

These fast paced Spanish pop songs are great studying soundtracks, even if you can only understand 2 words out of the whole song, it’s better than nothing.

Recommendation: Shakira, Shakira, Shakira

Section II: Reading comprehension:

You will be given an article written entirely in Spanish and you will probably have no idea what is about. You will then have to answer questions about this article, still having no idea what the questions are even asking

How to study for this section: Visit a Local Mexican Restaurant

Go have breakfast/lunch/dinner at Chipotle, El Centro or Los Cuates. The menus at restaurants are in Spanish, and will teach you valuable Spanish vocabulary like “burrito” or “taco”. These words will most likely show up on your test at some point.

Section III: Crossword 

This section is straight up memorization. You are given all the clues and the answers ahead of time, sounds pretty straight forward. Except you are expected to know all 282 terms. Good luck…

How to study for this section: Quizlet.

Or if you want to go old school go ahead and make 282 flashcards.

Image result for studying spanish meme

Section IV:  Composition

Basically you have to write a bunch of paragraphs in Spanish about a topic.

How to Study for this section: Relearn every word, verb tense and preposition you ever learned in class.

If you run out of stuff to write about, fill the next few lines with phrases your remember like “Cinco de Mayo” or “hola mi nombre es..”. You could also try and write really big to make it look like you wrote the line requirement.

Good luck, buena suerte and, if all else fails, watch this video:

Photos/Gifs: youtube.com; investorshub.advfn.com; kailascommentary.blogspot.com; handsonhomeschooler.com; latinaish.files.wordpress.com

The 5 People You See During Finals

library

It is that time of year again, when rare species of students spending ungodly amount of times in ugly places. Yes, thats right, Georgetown is in the midst of finals.

I tend to think of myself as a finals connoisseur, after struggling through 5+ rounds. Due to this, I have perceived a lot of specimens that I think are extremely noteworthy. Some people thrive under the stress, while others resort to copious amounts of caffeine and uncontrollable breakdowns.

Here are the 5 people seen during finals:

1. The Cubicle Hermit: This is the person who you swear lives at Lau. From dawn to dusk they are camped out at their little slice of the library. They probably resort to drawing something depressing on the walls to deal with their isolation. These brave souls probably bring pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and a blanket with them.

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2. The Adventurous Studier: This person does not let the Georgetown bubble constrain him or her during the worst time of the year. A brief look at this person’s Instagram or Snapchat will show them being #cultured while studying for POG. Whether it be the National Mall or NYC, this person officially wins the finals game. Snaps for you.

3. The Non-Corp Corpie: Ah the elusive non-Corp, Corpie: a favorite of mine. This person isn’t in the Corp, but basically should be. They can either be seen posing with their Corp drink of choice, or refueling at a variety of Corp locations. Hey, caffeine is the name of the game during finals. Keep doing your thang.

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4. That Late Guy/Girl: Ugh this poor soul… the person who is perpetually late during finals. Whether it be the review session or the final itself, this person is always “waking up late from a power nap.” We see you, don’t hide your laziness. You might wanna get a clock and an alarm though, not all teachers are forgiving to latecomers. 

5. The Socialite: The self-appointed king or queen of finals. This person must be in every class on campus, because they are everywhere and are talking to everyone. Their kingdom is Lau 2 and their choice lifestyle is not doing a single stitch of work. If you can afford to do this with your finals schedule, you should just go home. Get a life please.

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So….Who are you?

Photo/Gifs: howardcc.edu; http://ohthiskid.com/; tumblr.com; orderofthegooddeath.com

Soundtrack to Your Finals

c1f22669If you’re reading this, then a BIG congratulations is in order!  You’ve made it through the first half of finals, and are still somewhat alive thanks to the amount of caffeine flooding your bloodstream this very moment.  There’s only a few days left to power through exams and papers before it’s all over and you’re lounging around, enjoying the summer.

While you’re surely relieved that this finals season torture is coming to a close, finding the motivation to keep pushing forward can seem difficult.  The weather is great, the sun is shining and for some reason your econ textbook just couldn’t seem duller.  To make matters worse, your notes from class are actually illegible and you have no idea what your professor was lecturing on for about half of the semester.  The stress is building, and you’re starting to doubt your ability to cram four months worth of material into 24 hours of studying.  More than anything 4E knows that finals are an emotional roller coaster, the likes of which could be put to music to accurately capture all of the ups and downs.

Here is 4E’s “Soundtrack to Your Finals”:

1. One Man Can Change the World (Big Sean Ft. Kanye West & John Legend): Yes, it’s true you can change the world!  You’re feeling really motivated to start studying for your bio exam, and hey, maybe pushing yourself a little harder will lead you to find a cure for cancer.  Well, probably not… but a good grade in the course is worth it too.

2. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day): Studying is not going well. You know nothing. Forget trying to cure cancer, you’re just trying to pass at this point.

3. I Hate College (Sam Adams): You’ve never hated anything any more. Forget keg stands and parties, college is just a never ending amount of work which no one ever seems to write songs about.

4. The Middle (Jimmy Eat World): You have some salvageable notes from class, and you attended most some lectures.  If you really focus you know that you can learn the material, it just takes some time but everything will be just fine.

5. I Won’t Back Down (Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers): Finals won’t intimidate you.  You’re finally making progress and the information is starting to click.  Only 6 more chapters to get through!

6. The Climb (Miley Cyrus): This has been the longest day ever, but look how far you’ve come!  When you sat down to study hours ago you didn’t even know what DNA is, and now you definitely know way too much.  Regardless, you should be proud that you’ve managed to make some sort of progress.

7. Closing Time (Semisonic): You’ve been in Lau for over 12 hours and your exam is at 9 AM.  It’s time to go home and attempt to get at least a few hours of sleep before you have to face the inevitable.

8. Power (Kanye West): It’s the morning of the final and you’re ready.  The proctor hands out your exam but you’re not intimidated.  The clock’s ticking, but you’ve got the power of knowledge on your side.  ***Note: We recommend listening to this song on the 10 hour loop.

9. Shake It Off (Taylor Swift): It’s over.  You’re done.  Shake off any worries you have and reward yourself with a nap, snack, Netflix binge, etc.

10. Corona and Lime (Shwayze): Some time after decompressing it’ll hit you that it’s finally summer.  Celebrate!  Go crazy!  School’s out and you deserve a drink!

Best of luck on the remainder of your finals, Hoyas!  Just remember that you’ve only got a few more days of living in a Lau cubicle with limited human interaction before you’re free for the summer.

Photos/gifs: reactiongifs.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com,