A Guide to Move-Out Day

You are DONE. Finally. This finals season was the worst one in recent memory, but don’t get too comfortable just yet: You still have Move-Out Day. Though not quite as bad as the infamous Move-In Day, it’s still pretty unpleasant. So whether you’re bidding farewell to Harbin or Henle, 4E has got you covered with a step-by-step guide on what to do to make moving out a little less stressful.

1. Hide the Evidence

We know it’s been a while since you’ve interacted with them, but remember, your parents still think you go to Dahlgren Chapel on Sundays — and I am willing to bet that the current state of your room does not lend much support to that idea. So, before your beloved mom and/or dad show up to kindly help you move out, be sure to dispose of all remaining alcohol containers, “controversial” posters and anything you may have acquired from the H*yas for Choice table throughout the year. Move-Out Day is stressful enough as is; don’t make it any worse by having to awkwardly explain to your parents what a “Juul” is and why you currently have one sitting on your desk.

2. Attempt to Clean

Look around: You’ve been living in a literal cesspool for months. Forget romaine lettuce; it’s honestly a miracle that this place didn’t kill you. Every surface is inexplicably sticky. Your floor is covered in crushed Utz chips, empty Chick-Fil-A sauce cups and the remains of that Wingo’s order you dropped on Georgetown Day. At some point during the year, your trashcan became an amorphous “trash corner,” and now you’re really paying the price. Grab some Lysol wipes, rent a vacuum from the nearest RHO and get to work. We all know it won’t really make that much of a difference, but we also know that University President John J. DeGioia isn’t going to spend any of his Tulip money on tackling the campus rodent problem this summer, so a few minutes of tidying up is the least you can do for the sake of next year’s residents.

3. “Pack”

By “pack,” we really mean lie down on your bed and scroll through Instagram while your roommate or mom does most of the work involved in actually packing. If you have a minute to spare between figuring out what’s been going on with the whole Khloe/Tristan situation and getting caught up on whatever that Walmart-yodeling kid is doing these days, you can maybe put some folders in a box or throw some clothes into a backpack. These damn millennials! Lol amirite @EveryoneOverTheAgeofForty?? #lol #juul #relatable #PleasePayMeToWriteAnOpEdAboutThisHipTopic

4. Stress-Cry and/or Get Into an Argument With Your Mom

This is inevitable. Tensions are running high. No one involved in this process is in a good state of mind. You’re exhausted from having to take that “Problem of God” final, and your mom is exhausted from having to put up with you for the past two decades. Something as simple as taking the sheets off your bed or looking for a missing shoe can quickly escalate into complete pandemonium. Godspeed.

5. Say Goodbye

Even though your living space was absolutely disgusting, and you spent the last two weeks exclusively stress-crying in this place, it’s still sad to look around and see it look so empty. You had some good times in [insert residence hall name here]. So, goodbye, rats! Goodbye, black mold! Goodbye, neighbors who blared their terrible “Mr. Brightside”-themed playlist on a never-ending loop for an entire semester. You will be missed.

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, housingwire.com

The Five Worst Types of People During Midterm Szn

Okay, first of all, why are they called midterms when they start during the third week of a semester and last until finals? Honestly, it’s a living hell.

Now that our first week of bliss has ended, midterms have inevitably begun to plague our lives. Who knew that we could cram five books on the theories of Plato into our poor little heads during one night in Lau? We begin the long nights of studying, the copious amounts of caffeine and the stressful ordering of Dominos’ unhealthily-cheesy pizza.

And during this infamous #szn, there are a few types of ~special~ people who make midterms even better. And by better I mean worse:

1. The “I Have More Work Than You” Person

We all know this person.  The moment we decide to tell the rest of the world that we have an Econ midterm and that we’re dying, this lovable individual decides to announce that they have a ten-page paper along with two midterms.

Um, did I ask? No. Let me wallow in my own misery and self-pity for my current state of being. Please. Don’t compare your overbearing workload to mine. Don’t turn this into a contest for who has more work. Trust me, you don’t get a prize.

2. The Wannabe Einstein

“Omg, I didn’t even study for the test, and I got an A.” Right. That’s believable. I’m sorry, are you a genius, or just incredibly lucky? You really mean to tell me that you didn’t pay attention to a single lecture and your eyes didn’t even unintentionally glance over a few sheets of paper to review for the test? Really? Call me a pessimist, but for some unfathomable reason, I find that hard to believe.

3. The Whiner

Maybe this is me just being really unsympathetic toward others or just being a terrible person in general, but I don’t want to listen to you complain about your workload. Then again, I’m guilty of this so I really have no valid reason to be upset. I guess the overall lesson is that college — as fun as it can be — really,  likes to make our lives miserable at times. Who would’ve thought that staying up until 5:30 a.m. in Lau and writing a paper on British poetry was not an ~ideal~ way to spend the night?

4. The Mathematician

“If I get a 86 exactly on this midterm, I’ll for sure get an A for the semester.”  Let me preface this by saying that I’m already stressed as is for tests and I don’t need a grade to quantify my own stupidity. That was a little bit harsh; I’ll rephrase. Please don’t tell me what you need to get an A for the WHOLE semester. I’m just trying to pass one little test over here. Baby steps.

5. The Plague-Bringer

To be fair, I was this person during my first semester, so I know how awful it is. It’s that one individual who decides to hack up a lung every five seconds or unapologetically sniffle continuously for an hour.

I know, I know- we really shouldn’t get mad. But just imagine being on Lau 4 – it’s dead silent, and you’ve finally gotten into the working mood (if that even exists). All of a sudden, this lovely person begins to cough so badly you don’t know whether to go over and ask if they need help or just slowly get very, very annoyed until you call it quits and leave Lau altogether.

Spoiler: it’s usually the latter.

So there you have it: all your favorite people during midterm szn. Good luck, Hoyas. You’re going to need it.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, oxbridgeacademy.edu

An Ode to Finals Season

As the long-awaited Dec. 20 draws near, we here at 4E have prepared an ode to undoubtedly the merriest time of the year: FINALS SZN. Whether you’re reading this post in the sanctity of your own dearly missed home, at your ~unique~ vacation spot in Mexico or on the Hilltop waiting for your unfortunately-scheduled math final, we can relate to what you’re feeling:

So, without further ado, let’s all take a moment to reflect on Georgetown’s beloved stress culture, appreciate the ~high-quality~ Whisk coffee that has fueled us thus far and give ourselves a pat on the back for succeeding  doing relatively well surviving this semester!

After endless midterms, weeks of studying all night,

there’s a brief respite, then finals are in sight.

It seems like it’s always time to buckle down

but that’s just part of being at Georgetown

The struggle is real as you prep for Bib Lit —

but what can you expect from the Jesuits?

You’ve got 99 problems, the first is Of God,

and in time you’re exposed as a Catholic fraud.

In your first exam, those wretched blue books appear

and before too long, they’re stained with your tears.

You fight through hand cramps for two hours straight,

and from nine to eleven, your heart palpitates.

Lau 2 is love, Lau 2 is life —

just kidding, that place is a hellhole of strife.

You wonder, will these troubles ever be over?

It’s been awhile since you’ve been this sober.

You’ve studied forever, it seems like a time warp,

and while waiting at MUG, you curse the capitalist Corp.

Later that day, you procrastinate more:

It was feeling too lonely up on Lau 4.

You’re buried in books on a Saturday night —

to friends at state schools, it’s a pitiful sight.

It’s only midnight, but the future looks bleak.

You remind yourself, though, that sleep’s for the weak.

But when you finally get into the swing of things,

to no one’s surprise, Lau’s fire alarm rings.

So you make your way over to good ol’ Leavey —

should four flights of stairs really make you this wheezy?

Texts from your friends say they’re already on break,

but at least they’ll be free to attend your wake.

You’re struggling to find the will to survive,

indeed, you fall short of the expectation to thrive.

“How to learn French in a day,” you search online.

You’d forgotten “Bonjour”— probably not a good sign

After handing in your final subpar paper,

it looks like life’s finally turned in your favor.

Though GPA-wise, there may be reason to fear,

that’ll be a problem you save for next year.

The holidays will provide plenty of reason

for you to repress this finals season.

Walking past Healy, you take a pic and proceed,

“until next semester!” your Snapchat story reads.

Suitcase in hand, you feel an upswing in mood

at the thought of three weeks without Leo’s food.

You search for your Uber outside the front gates —

What’s taking so long? New Jersey awaits!

~Happy Hoyadays~ from all of us at 4E!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

The 5 Stages of Winter Break

1. Relief

You’re Finally Done. Thank God. You made it through an entire semester of Bib Lit without ever actually opening a bible. You recognized more than a generous 50%  of the words on your Spanish exam. Was your final CPS essay good? Not really, but you met the word count, submitted it on time, and most importantly, you’ll never have to talk to your unreliable graduate-student TA ever again! So say goodbye to that Lau cubicle, shove some random clothes and your Juul charger into a duffel bag, and call an Uber to Union Station: it’s officially ~break~.

You, waving goodbye to the poor souls who still have to take a Sociology final

2.  Relaxation

Showering without flip-flops in a bathroom without black mold? Eating a meal that doesn’t involve ramen noodles or flamin’ hot cheetos? Stepping outside and not being greeted by at least a dozen large rats? They should call you King Felipe VI of Spain (G ’95), ‘cause this Hoya is living like royalty. You never knew you would miss suburbia this much. No imminent deadlines, stolen  borrowed quizlets, or panic attacks induced by SaxaNet. You have all the time in the world to lounge around the house, send snapchats of your dog, and debate whether or not it’s still ok to binge watch House of Cards (Editor’s note: It’s not. Stick to Friends. David Schwimmer is our last hope).

Not proofreading that final BlackBoard submission like

3. Remembrance

You meet up with your high school squad at the local Applebee’s and reminisce about Gonzaga   Delbarton your totally unique alma mater. At the wise old age of 20, you fondly look back at the shenanigans of your youth. Remember when you prank called your Calculus teacher? Remember when you stole a beer from your dad’s fridge in the basement? Remember when you said you had “senioritis” but actually continued to try very hard in school because you wanted to go to Georgetown? Haha! Good Times! You weren’t lame at all!

The AP Bio reunion is finna be ~lit~

4. Regret

Ok, it’s been a week and you’ve realized why you were so eager to leave home in the first place. There are no Ubers or places that stay open past 10 pm here. Your parents have an incessant need know where you’re going, who you’re going with, and “is there going to be alcohol there?”. And when you do go out, you have to constantly remind people that you go to Georgetown, not GW and then pretentiously explain why THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT SCHOOLS. You miss procrastinating on Lau 2 with your friends. You miss saying hi to The Wisey’s Rat. You even find yourself missing New Leo’s (not really, but we’ll pretend for the sake of this article). It’s officially time to go back to the Hilltop.

“You go to GW, right?”

5. Return

You tear up as you see Healy from across the Key Bridge. It’s been too long since last you met. You bask in the glow of a new semester, telling yourself that this is the year you finally get it together. No more going out on Tuesday nights or skipping every class that meets before 2 pm. No more eating Wisey’s cookies for dinner or convincing yourself that walking up Lau steps counts as a workout. Yes, you’ll abandon this attitude completely within the next two weeks, but it’s nice to enjoy the “new and improved 2018 you!” while it lasts. You’re reunited with your squad, you’re wearing the one cool piece of clothing you got for Christmas, and you’re ready for Syllabus Week. Hoya Saxa, it’s good to be home.

You, at Chi Di, two hours after you claimed you were going to start counting your drinks this year, ca 2018, colorized.

Photos/GIFS: Giphy.com, almanac.com

4E’s Official 2017 Finals SZN Coffee Drinking Game

The rules are simple. Every time you tick off a bingo box, take a shot of espresso. When you have four in a row (diagonals count), you win! We promise you will be adequately stressed out hyped and caffeinated to tackle your finals season studying! Happy studying, and remember that no matter how well you do, 4E loves you (unless you’re a real jerk)! Photos/Gifs: myfreebingocards.com, giphy.com, travelbetweenthepages.com

The Five Stages of Studying for Finals

Congratulations! You just finished classes for the spring semester. You’re feeling pretty relieved and successful. But now the real fun begins: FINALS. In case you’ve forgotten since December what this season feels like, here are the five stages of studying for finals.

  1. You look at the calendar. You have time. Papers aren’t due for a week, and you don’t have an exam tomorrow. You can relax a bit.
  2. ~Five minutes later~ you’re running to Lau, with every book you own stuffed in your backpack, trying to decide whether or not you have time to stop at Midnight, because you just realized how much work needs to go into not failing out  passing all the exams and papers you feel breathing down your neck.
  3. Day Four. No wait is it Day Three? Days no longer exist; just due dates. Morale is low. You just spent 2 hours procrastinating at Leo’s and it wasn’t even Chicken Finger Thursday. Next thing you know, you wind up in the middle of the stacks on Lau 5 without a cubicle or any progress on those three papers due in two days.
  4. Then suddenly, you hit your stride. One sentence after another appears in your Word document, decades of history are memorized like Kendrick’s new lyrics and you think maybe, just maybe, you’ll survive finals week and even do well pass.
  5. You show up to your final exam wearing whatever you slept in two nights ago, barely able to keep your eyes open and thinking you might not make it. But then you manage to stay awake for a whole two hours and finish your last final. You leave the ICC nearly in tears and contemplate falling asleep in the middle of Red Square. But who cares, you’re finished! Now all you have to do is pack.

Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, nfo.georgetown.edu

GTFO: Hidden Study Spots, Finals Edition

As you begin to recover from the aftermath of Georgetown Day, we regret to inform that it’s officially Finals Season. And if you can’t stand the thought of spending the next two weeks studying in hell Lau, fear not: we here at 4E have got you covered with some of the best hidden study spots on this side of the Potomac.

1.  The Library of Congress

Located in the heart of D.C., the Library of Congress is the perfect place to reenact scenes from National Treasure get some serious and productive studying done! Visiting the Library of Congress is a great opportunity to try to finally figure out the whole GUTS bus/Metro system, get frustrated after three minutes, and resort to calling an Uber like you always do.  Once you get there, be sure to blatantly ignore the library rules and take plenty of pictures of your beautiful surroundings- you can send some to your parents as proof that your college experience also involves some non-Burnetts-related activities !

4E Fun Fact: My own Library of Congress card has the unique distinction of being the only picture of me in existence that is worse than the one on my GoCard.

Actual footage of a Georgetown student Snapchatting his friends at the LoC.

2. The Aisles of Vital Vittles

If you’re too lazy to venture more than five minutes from campus looking for something a little closer to your Hilltop home, there are still plenty of options. One of Georgetown’s best study spots is located in the aisles of Vittles. This is exactly what it sounds like: just grab your backpack, go sit on the floor of the campus grocery store and get to work! Trust us, all the cool kids are doing it. As you study, you can enjoy the questioning stares of your fellow Hoyas while munching on one of the snacks you settled for because they were inexplicably out of your top five snack food choices.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re feeling really adventurous, go study in the lone aisle of Snaxa.

3. VCE

Home to sophomores who skipped every “What’s a Hoya?” and freshmen who weren’t told this was even an option during their GAAP weekend, Village C East is truly a hidden treasure. Frequently forgotten and perpetually overlooked in favor of its better-known sibling to the west, VCE is basically the Jeb Bush of Georgetown dormitories. So while it may be “low-energy,” sometimes that’s exactly what you need after another wasted night spent in the distraction-filled mosh pit known as Lau 2 during finals. I personally recommend grabbing a spot at the tables in the laundry room, mostly because it reminds me of a simpler time, during freshman year, when I actually did my laundry on a regular basis instead of wearing the same pair of jeans for a week straight and hoping no one notices.

Remember when people were worried about him becoming president? We were so young…

4. The ICC Bathrooms

We’ve all been there: your professor assigns you a “collaborative final project” and everyone in your group is a total stranger. You’re probably freaking out- group projects are soooo awkward! But luckily, we here at 4E have found a quick fix to your problem: the ICC bathrooms. Spending time in uncomfortably-close physical proximity is a surefire way to get to know each other. And what better place to build this camaraderie than in the inexplicably-tiny restrooms of the Edward B. Bunn S.J. Intercultural Center? Just think of all the built-in conversation starters that will help break the ice: “Why are we working in a bathroom?” “This is so weird”- you’re sure to be best friends in no time! And best of all, you won’t have any of that pesky “reliable wifi access” to distract you from the task at hand.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re really looking to get close with your peers, head on over to the White-Gravenor bathrooms, which have the cool added bonus of being extremely small and extremely old.

5. John Kerry’s House

Now that the Secret Service agents outside of his house are gone, this basically means we all have an open invitation to go hang out with Johnny K whenever we want. Though I personally have never actually been inside his home, I’m assuming it’s extremely classy (John Kerry is pretty much as #bougie as it gets- here’s a picture of a him on a yacht with JFK) and it also probably has pretty decent wifi, because we all know how much former Secretaries of State like to send emails!

Disclaimer: Yes, I know that joke was terrible, but I got yelled at for writing too many articles roasting Trump, so just consider this my attempt at being bipartisan). Additionally, the Kerrster can totally help you study for your IR final, and will almost-definitely be down to walk across the street with you for a Wingo’s study break

*Side Note: If anyone ever actually sees John Kerry at Wingo’s, please alert me immediately.

The Internet was made for moments like this.

So there you have it- five ways to shake up your study routine this finals season. Best of luck from all of us here at 4E, and please remember to keep procrastinating by reading our articles!

Photo source: jfklibrary.org; Gif source: giphy.com 

Guide to Laufits

It’s officially midterm season, which means that there’s a good chance you’re procrastinating by reading this article somewhere in Lau. And if you’re searching for some more ways to avoid doing work, look no further: here’s a refresher on the five types of “Laufits” most frequently seen in everyone’s favorite architectural monstrosity.

1. The “Kendall Jenner”

The basic look: Heels. A “going out” top. Jeans that cost more than your meal plan. Something cool like a hat or red lipstick that you definitely couldn’t pull off if you tried.

When they’re not busy making you feel bad about the fact that you noticeably haven’t washed your hair in several days, the owner of this outfit can usually be found making the awkward walk from the elevators to Midnight look like a graceful strut down a fashion week runway. There’s a good chance that you follow them on Instagram. There’s a better chance that they do not follow you back.

2. The “Intern”

The basic look: J. Crew. Ann Taylor. Brooks Brothers. A Capitol Hill ID badge that they are inexplicably still wearing at 11 p.m. on a Wednesday in the middle of a college library.

You can usually find the wearer of this outfit carefully crafting their next insightful and completely necessary political post on Facebook or mapping out the logistics of their future GUSA presidential campaign two years ahead of time. There’s a good chance you follow them on LinkedIn. There’s a better chance that they were the ones who requested to follow you.

3. The “Self-Proclaimed Gym Rat”

The basic look: Neon running shoes. A headband. A Fitbit. Something from Lululemon. A yoga mat casually tucked under their arm. A conspicuous lack of actual sweat on any of these items.

Those who rock the standard “SPGR” attire are usually found loitering in Midnight. They may be found loudly commenting on how their favorite flavor of Vitamin Water Zero and/or Cliff Bar is out of stock while openly inquiring as to why they aren’t allowed to use the Thompson Center, or insisting that they could have been a varsity walk-on “if they tried.” There’s a good chance that you also just saw them take the elevator instead of the stairs to get to Lau 2 in the first place.

4. The “Guy Who Was at Jersey Night Until He Remembered He Had a Paper Due at 9 A.M.”

The Basic Look: Hair Gel. Pit Stains. An Allen Iverson/Alonzo Mourning/Patrick Ewing jersey. A New Jersey accent. An ID from a state that is not New Jersey.

Unlike the “Self-Proclaimed Gym Rat,” the person wearing this outfit is definitely actually sweating. And yelling. And attempting to simultaneously type and sober up, but not doing a very good job at either. This stylish individual is likely to be found taking way too long to figure out what they want from the vending machine and saying some variation of “Dude, seriously it was so lit, you gotta go next week” to every other person who walks by.

5. The “Lau 5”

The basic look: A sweatshirt. A pair of sweatpants, but not the “cute and cozy” kind that are moderately acceptable to wear in public. A baseball cap. Uggs, Crocs, or some combination of the two.

(Disclaimer: this is not an exaggeration. I once saw an actual human being wearing an Ugg on one foot and a Croc on the other on Lau 5 at 2 a.m. during finals week and it was one of the scariest things I have ever seen in my entire life. Please let me know if you have any potential information regarding this individual’s whereabouts because I want to make sure they’re alright.)

The true devotees of the classic “Lau 5” aesthetic are, of course, most frequently found in their natural habitat on the top floor. But rumor has it that if you wait patiently until the early hours of the morning, you can see them briefly emerge near that weird coffee vending machine on Lau 2. Should you be so lucky as to witness this rare occurrence, be sure to remember the most basic rule of Lau-etiquette: never ask someone wearing the full-blown “Lau 5” Laufit “How’s it going?” You will only be met with a long, sad answer involving an unreliable TA, a “quizlet” mishap, and a copious amount of tears.

So there you have it: five of the most popular Laufits. Consider what your Laufit says about you the next time you head on over to see if there are any more lemon poppy seed muffins left at Midnight write that big paper well ahead of the deadline! 

Gif source: giphy.com, library.georgetown.edu

President-Elect Donald Trump’s Cabinet Picks Celebrity Apprentice Version

trump cabinetIt has been a little over a month since our nation elected our 45th president, and slowly but surely, our country is accepting the results. President-elect Trump has just about finalized his Cabinet, leaving many Americans equally disillusioned. With that being said, I am not here to comment on politics or on the choices our President-Elect has made, but rather, to offer my opinions on who he should have appointed to Cabinet positions from his wildly successful television series, The Celebrity Apprentice. I whole-heartedly believe these “celebrities” could do the job better than anyone our future president could nominate.

Education Secretary: Lil Jon

Who could be a better Education Secretary than Lil Jon? With a high school education under his belt and a grasp on the English language so strong he was able to come up with the party-shattering lyrics:

“Fire up that loud
Another round of shots

Turn down for what?” (repeat 5x)

This man clearly knows what a good education is all about. All jokes aside, he could do wonders for schools’ fine arts programs.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Lisa Rinna

The clear pick of all former cast mates is Lisa Rinna. This woman knows what she is talking about in regards to surgeries. She is an admitted fan of Botox and can talk about lip injections more knowledgeably than a plastic surgeon.

Secretary of Transportation: Khloe Kardashian

I would like to start off by saying the Kardashians are practically America’s royalty, so obviously one of them needs to be in our government. Khloé should be a go-to pick for Trump, considering she knows a thing or two about expensive cars and private jets.

Secretary of Treasury: Teresa Giudice

Another no-brainer: why wouldn’t we want Teresa Giudice in charge of the Treasury? She went to jail and learned her lesson about fraud and tax evasion, so who better than to manage our nation’s wealth? If anyone knows anything about the importance of healthy finances, it is this woman.

Secretary of Defense: Piers Morgan

Have we all seen Piers Morgan’s Twitter attacks on Chrissy Teigen? I mean honestly I would not want to oppose this guy. All it will take is 140 characters for him to bring down Putin.

Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Similar to Teresa Giudice, I think Snooki would be an excellent addition to our nation’s Cabinet considering she has learned from experience. After PETA put Snooki on blast for dyeing her dog purple, I truly believe she is a reformed woman and would do our nation well by serving as Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency.

Administrator of Small Business Administration: Stephen Baldwin

As the not as famous Baldwin brother, Stephen knows what it is like to deal with “less.” Less fame, less fortune, less popularity. Therefore, who would be better-equipped than to deal with small businesses, who, let’s face it, cannot compare to corporations like Microsoft and Apple, than Stephen Baldwin?

Ambassador to the United Nations: Sharon Osbourne

The clear pick is Sharon Osbourne. She has a British accent, need I say more?

So who will be President-Elect Trump’s Secretary of State appointment? Your guess is as good as mine, but if we’re going by The Celebrity Apprentice cast, my vote would be for Kevin Jonas because, come on, who wouldn’t love a Jonas in the spotlight again?

Gifs: giphy.com