Holidays and Hurling: A Guide to Your Hangovers

HangoverIt’s safe to say that the last month has been a whirlwind. The end of Thanksgiving break, all those formals, finals, finally coming home all in the holiday season, Christmas and New Year’s Eve has been a lot to handle. Amidst all the chaos, however, you probably still had time to go out and have fun with your friends. One or two nights (or maybe even all of them, if you’re ambitious) between that first study day and your first final probably looked something like this:You probably had an unbelievable night dressed as some holiday-related getup and posted the most basic picture of all time on Instagram. Meanwhile, you might have woken up the morning after and looked something like this:The mad rush to finish the fall semester ~with a bang~ included formals, sweaty Henle parties, trips to Chi Di, trips to Piano Bar (after getting rejected by Chi Di) and just relaxing evenings at Booey’s with friends. Most, if not all, of these experiences had you feeling down in the dumps the next morning or even later that night.

However, the holiday season has taught us at 4E that not all hangovers are the same. Maybe you woke up with just a slight headache one morning, but then the next morning you woke up feeling like death and slightly sick from all the Quick Pita food you had at 3 AM. So while 4E once told you how to survive those day-afters, I have composed a guide to classify what type of hangover you might be feeling as part of the Sunday Scaries.

  1. The Classic Beer Hangover– You wake up with nothing more than a pounding headache and the warm, delightful taste of Natty Light (read: you also smell like this, which makes you feel slightly queasy). This type of hangover probably came from a trip to Booey’s or the aforementioned sweaty Henle party. You’ll typically experience this throughout your time at Georgetown. The positive side of this experience? An easy remedy is to pop a few Advil and head to Leo’s.
  2. Death by Burnett’s– The other side to a typical party: a handle of some flavor of Burnett’s being passed around. Although you know this never ends well, you decide to go with the flow and deal with the consequences later. You wake up feeling ill. You feel sick and achy, but you manage to get up, clean yourself up, and then head out for the day. If you head to Leo’s brunch, this hangover is sure to be a thing of the past.
  3. The Aftereffects of Various Alcohols– The pregame started at 10 and you lasted until 2 AM. You had it all: beer, Burnett’s, some sort of juice and a sip of water at Epi (because that helps with the hangover, right?). Rumor has it there were even a few ~special~ ingredients in the jungle juice you had at that Vil B. Combining the aspects of the last two hangovers, your hangover makes you feel like death. Even after a shower, Advil and eating  the best of Leo’s brunch leaves you feeling hollow and just not your best. Unfortunately, the only way to get through this is to wait it out; by the end of the day, you’ll feel well enough to go out again and repeat the process.
  4. Post-Blackout-Mortem– Similar to the previous topic, you drank a hodgepodge of everything. You went from apartment to apartment to bar to bar, and made the most of every stop. Although you can only remember so much of it, you know you drank a lot since you wake up in the same clothes with some sort of orange liquid staining the front of said clothes. Is it a drink from last night or…? You don’t want to know, and you probably won’t find out unless your friend shows you the pictures that you wish didn’t exist. In the meantime, you focus on getting out of bed, because you can only think about one thing right now and even that takes every ounce of strength. Let’s just say that brushing your teeth, which is supposed to feel good, turns into a nightmare.
  5. Continuing Drunkenness– You wake up NOT HUNGOVER and feel like you’re on top of the world. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and figure what you can do next time to repeat the experience. As you begin to ponder this, however, your head starts to slightly throb until it feels like you’re being repeatedly thrown down the Lau steps. You start to feel sick and realize that your hangover is starting later than expected. Why? Because you were still drunk when you woke up. Although this may seem concerning, have no fear! Your options include accepting defeat or you could just keep it going! Either way you’re going to have a rough day. Nevertheless, you push forward.
  6. …Not Hungover?– Against all odds, you wake up truly not hungover and go about your day per usual. Either you didn’t drink that much or it’s just your lucky day. Although this is rare, it does happen. If it happens to you, congratulations! You can only go downhill from here.

So readers, take this as a guide for when you’re feeling under the weather on those Saturday/Sunday mornings of 2017. Happy New Year and, most importantly, stay responsible!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, viralchakra.com

The Epic of Quick Pita

Banner - CheesyRecently, it was revealed that Quick Pita will be closing at the end of 2016 (on December 31, to be precise). You can imagine the effect this news has had on me, a connoisseur of late-night food. When I heard the news, I had a meltdown comparable to that of a catastrophic nuclear accident.Many of my fellow Quick Pita regulars reacted similarly as I gently broke the news to them. In fact, some of them threatened to transfer. Hogan Lizza (COL ’19), a devout Quick Pita enthusiast, commented, “Georgetown without Quick Pita is like the Cincinnati Zoo without Harambe.” I couldn’t have phrased it better myself. Quick Pita has been around for decades, and life will just not be the same without it.The increase in rent has left Quick Pita with no other choice but to move out. I, for one, plan on venturing there every weekend until they close. I also felt Quick Pita could not go without a proper sendoff. With a nod to Edgar Allan Poe, here is 4E’s tale of the Quick Pita we know and love:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I wandered, drunk and weary,

Thinking about my ~classy~ night out on the dance floor,

As I ambled, nearly stopping, I heard a great number of people talking,

Talking of Middle Eastern food, of a place where I had never been before.

“Just a small eatery,” I thought, “hopefully cheaper than Epi because I’m poor.”

Only this, and nothing more.

I looked up this “Quick Pita” and set off for my potential hangover cure.

I hurried down Potomac Street, both hungry and eager to explore,

Eager to learn more about this eatery of Georgetown folklore.

Once I arrived, I took in the striped awning and the hole-in-the-wall that would help me score,

Help me score my freshman 15, something to soon happen, of that I was sure.

Quick Pita, I soon realized, would make me fat, forever more.

 Deep into the VCE darkness returning, I ate my chicken fingers and cheesy fries, still learning,

Learning about this wonderful taste, about to tell my friends they had to come with me.

But they didn’t listen, they said Darnall was too far from this place.

But I knew they’d come with me at some point, on my life I swore.

Eventually they ventured to Quick Pita, and their lives were changed when they walked through the double-doors.

Their hearts were changed–forevermore.

(Such as going to Quick Pita)
Such as going to Quick Pita.

Quick Pita became my solace, a refuge for me, whether or not I was sober.

The chicken fingers, the cheesy fries, the gyro kept me coming back for more.

I got on the scale after finals last year, and yelped in horror.

My parents asked me why I gained so much weight, how I didn’t notice my expanding core,

I told them how I frequently followed the Quick Pita spoor,

The spoor that would haunt my dreams-forevermore.

It was an ordinary night in September this year when I found out what would happen,

What would happen to Quick Pita, my dear Quick Pita, my savior.

Someone’s Snapstory said that Quick Pita was closing and raised a fury among students.

This was just something that I could not ignore.

I marched down to Potomac Street in the middle of a downpour.

I had to confirm that Quick Pita would be open (I couldn’t take not knowing anymore).

I strolled in and walked up to Sammy, the cashier who any Quick Pita regular knows.

I said to him, “Is it true you’re closing? If you say yes, I may start sobbing on the floor.”

He looked at me and said in a sad voice:

“Our landlord raised rent by forty percent, we can pay it no more.”

I replied, “Is there any way at all you can stay open? This is a place I really adore.”

Quoth Sammy, ever so honest, “Nevermore.”I walked home, depressed and defeated.

I told my friends and all acquaintances of the tragedy, the end of the food we all go for.

We all protested, and we in 4E ranted when we heard the news.

The neighborhood took away Rhino, now this? It’s like we’re at war.

But for now, all we can do is sit here and deplore.

For come 2017, Quick Pita’s doors shall be open – nevermore.

And Sammy, never moving, still is sitting, still is sitting,

Sitting at the counter, aimlessly staring at the eccentric, yet lovable, decor.

And his eyes have all the seeming of a good man that is dreaming,

And the fluorescent light over him casts his shadow on the tiled floor;

And the amazing food that we eat after leaving the Brown House dance floor

Shall be from Quick Pita – nevermore!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, yelpcdn.com

4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide: Dorm Perks

Banner - Dorm PerksAt this point in the summer, every freshman’s parents are probably crying every day – partly because they are facing the dreaded empty nest, but mostly because tuition is due. You aren’t crying though, because you’re ready to be a Hoya, and Hoyas aren’t allowed to cry (except for in Red Square, the free speech zone on campus).

mom cries

In any case, you probably have a lot of unanswered questions. 4E has answers, in our latest installment:

***4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide***

cookie lol
So you don’t look like this ^

Today’s topic is Freshman Dorm Room Perks. Every freshman dorm has different perks, and it’s important to know what they are so you can manipulate and take full advantage of your ~friends’~ rooms.

cooper wink


New South: No, your radiator definitely doesn’t heat the room, but did you know it doubles as a table? In most rooms, the front shell of the radiator pops off easily. Lay it across two chairs to make a table sturdier than the ones at our dining hall. Gold medalist water pong players always have humble beginnings.

Bonus: Your room has its own sink! Close the drain and fill the sink up with water. Plop a goldfish in there and voila: you’ve got yourself an aquarium.


VCW: The AC system here is surprisingly functional. Forgo the mini-fridge purchase; you can literally turn your room into a walk-in refrigerator if you set the temperature accordingly. In the rare case that your AC breaks, you can set your shower to extreme temperatures – simply turning it on can change the temperature of your room in just minutes.

freezing

Bonus:  In the case you don’t like the people who live directly below you, just flush the toilet (if you’re lucky, their room will fill with sewage).


Harbin: The notoriously difficult Harbin RAs are out for blood. However, you can use the cluster-style to your advantage! Close off your cluster’s door properly and you can create an impenetrable fortress for fiestas free from RAs.

Bonus: The upper several floors of Harbin have some of the best views among the freshman dorms. Some rooms can see the National Cathedral and the Washington Monument! Others can see the dumpster right behind the building where Bill Clinton’s trash was once thrown out!


Darnall: As you may have heard, Darnall has twin beds, rather than twin XL beds. Depending on what way you look at it, this gives you 5 MORE INCHES for activities.

ferrell drums

Bonus: You live on top of Epi, the 24-hour eatery that is every student’s go-to place at 3 a.m. Getting there and back for a late-night snack couldn’t be easier.


VCE: Call the housing office and request to move. The only positive thing is that the elevator tends to move fastest here out of all the freshman dorms. Possibly because nobody dares enter VCE.

Bonus:                                (this area intentionally left blank)

cocohead

More to come next time on 4E’s Declassified.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, georgetownuniversity.com, tumblr.com

25 Reasons Epi is the New Tombs this Summer

Epi Is New Tombs this summer

A momentous and unruly Georgetown tradition has been forever changed. Well, for the summer, at least. The Tombs has officially closed for renovations and with it many a 21st birthdays, forehead stamps, and traditions suspended until further notice. For many Hoyas, alum, and locals alike, this is an utter tragedy. The night so many have looked forward to, counted down, and dreamed about has been flipped on its head. Left in despair, many of those may be wondering what ever will they do?!

 

EPI!!!!

Here are your 25 reasons Epi is the new Tombs this summer:

1. Quesadillas. ‘Nuf said. 

2. Doctors. They have a tendency to be young, attractive, and scattered around Epi given its close proximity to their place of employment at the hospital.

3. $3.25 pizza. Mhmmm. 

4. The lighting. It’s a bit bright in the main area, but the dark bar provides a nice fun contrast. 

5. The dance floor. What, you didn’t know they had one? Turns out the opening between the two rooms is a great place to break it down. 

6. The diversity. Undergrads, grad students, drunk freshman, hospital staff, and Georgetown staff: it’s really just a great array of community. 

7. The playlist. Epi has jamz! 

 

8. The Darnall geotag. That is all. 

9. The hospital. You should never drink past your limit, but on your 21st, there is an even greater tendency for a person to seek medical attention. For this reason, there’s nothing better than a bar that shares a parking lot with a hospital!

10. Burleith. Two words: close proximity. 

11. Epi mems. You’re sure to have a ton. Why not add to the archival of weird Epi happenings thus far?

12. Drunk underclassman. They’re great to watch, truly. 

13. Free water. >>>>>.

 

14. Exclusive bar. Feel special in your own 21+ room while your underage friends stay close by.

15. Tombs is closed. NEXT! 

16. Epi has milkshakes.

17. And condiments. A vast and endless selection of condiments. 

18. Those round tables. Nothing says party like a circular table where you can sit and view all of your friends, and the other room only has rectangular tables. 

19. Underage friends. No longer must they mourn your departure at the door, but they can be at hand to help you walk and take part in your debauchery (well, from afar). 

20. Sushi bar. 

21. Henle. Proximity, proximity, proximity. 

22. Epi aesthetic. It’s just one of a kind. 

23. People watching. More of the above. 

24. You can customize your grilled cheese sandwich.

25. Epi rocks. Let’s be honest: It’s up there with The Tombs. Well, at least in the opinion of an underage person who has never been.

Alas, there’s just one small catch….

 

Epi closes at 10:30 during the summer. Didn’t we almost have it all?

Gifs: giphy.com, http://www.thehoya.com

Hidden Treasures of Epi

hideen treasures of epi

It’s the place where all nights end. It’s the place where multiple people puke bond in the bathroom on a weekly basis. It’s the place where you know you can always count on for a good break from Leo’s. If you haven’t caught on by now, this wonderful place is Epi.

Epi is the land of the famed quesadilla. While the classic chicken quesadilla is the go-to item for many customers, there are other options as well. If you long for something more, don’t be afraid to request extra guac or extra bacon (yes, this is possible). Many overlook the grilled cheese and the 1984, which are both viable options in one’s long-awaited visit to the safe haven of Georgetown students. HOWEVER, there are even more options than what you see on the menu. You may think you know Epi better than anyone, but 4E is about to prove you wrong. For the first time ever, Epi has released their secret menu!

Naturally, Epi decided to give 4E the first access to the hidden treasure of Georgetown’s #famous food venue. So, here’s a few of the newest additions to the range of options that face you as you stumble into Epi:

  1. The Exorcist– What better name for a sandwich than the very movie that made Georgetown even more famous than it was before? The name was obviously in the cards in constructing the secret menu. Think the Hot Chick is an unhealthy sandwich? Brace yourself for this one. The Exorcist might be considered a misnomer because instead of returning a soul to its owner, it may actually kill a person upon consumption. On 3 pieces of thick, perfectly-toasted sourdough bread, you’ll find multiple chicken fingers, crispy bacon, melted cheddar cheese, and a bit of honey mustard. Is this disgusting or delicious? We’ll let you decide.
  2. The Fourth Edition– Arguably, the Fourth Edition might be the best part of the menu purely due to its name. The quesadilla may be the go-to menu item for late night Epi customers, but the Fourth Edition takes it to the next level. It’s a quesadilla (you get to pick chicken, steak, or veggies), but you also get FREE extra guac and FREE BACON inside the quesadilla. This item is a deal breaker.
  3. The Dirty D– It’s only fitting that Epi has a menu item named after the building that is located directly above it. Served on a long subroll, you’ll find a delightfully-greasy combination of sausage, peppers, and onions. Epi recommends adding ketchup to complete the taste. You don’t necessarily have to be drunk to fully appreciate the glory of this sandwich.
  4. The B-Frat– Get ready to get ~sloppy~. To those of you from New Jersey, you may know this side order by the name “disco fries,” except with an excellent twist. If you feel like eating disgusting excellent food, this one gives you small portion. Disco fries are traditionally cheese fries with gravy added on top. However, the B-Frat also adds chili…so if you feel like you want to vomit after eating these, don’t be a little b**** you probably should take it slower next time, since there’s a lot of heavy stuff on this item.
  5. DeGioia’s Special– You walk by his office all the time, but sometimes never see him there. Do you ever wonder if our beloved President John DeGioia goes out of his office during the day? The word is that he disguises himself and goes to Epi in the middle of the day in order to get his favorite treat: ice cream. Have you ever ordered ice cream from Epi? You probably should. This final hidden treasure takes the cake. In a large bowl (who knew Epi had these?) lined with peanut butter, you’ll get four scoops of vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles (they’re not called “jimmies”). AND the plus is that it’s cheaper since it is usually only available to DeGioia.

The release of Epi’s secret menu stands as a beacon of hope for those students who are devastated by the tragic loss of Brown House to the Office of the Provost. Even though you now might be going to Epi a lot earlier during your nights out, you at least have a bit more options than you usual!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/26bbQJP

101 Thankful Things

thanksgiving-youtube

Gratitude is always important, but we recently celebrated an entire day dedicated to it. And there are lots of things to love: turkeys, colorful leaves, family…the usual.

We at 4E have compiled a list of 101 things that Georgetown students are and should always be grateful for:

  1. That one time my professor tore into that know-it-all when she said wrong things
  2. Professors who ignore the instructional continuity policy
  3. Roommates who don’t suck
  4. The Instagram “gufreshmendoingthings”
  5. Inattentive student guards
  6. Free food
  7. Free t-shirts
  8. Student discounts
  9. Getting a table in lau
  10. Leaving lau
  11. Not having to go to lau
  12. Club Lau
  13. The really nice security guard in lau who doesn’t judge me for always leaving lau really late
  14. Netflix
  15. Netflix and chill
  16. What happens after Netflix and chill
  17. Being featured in Georgetown’s Instagram
  18. The girl who lends me a chair from her table so that I can put my feet up
  19. Dogs
  20. Let me say that again: dogs
  21. T Sweets
  22. Christmas lights
  23. The “share location indefinitely” feature on the iPhone
  24. Brown house
  25. Slutty brownies
  26. Friends who distract you via text message while you’re in a boring class
  27. Georgetown basketball
  28. Professors who are chill
  29. Professors who care
  30. Free Chipotle
  31. When the guy at Chipotle doesn’t remind me that the guacamole costs extra
  32. Guacamole
  33. Beyonce
  34. Friends who make you food
  35. Friends who actually return the stuff they “borrow”
  36. When the pasta line at Leo’s isn’t eight miles long
  37. The “doge” meme
  38. First dates
  39. Second dates
  40. What even is a third date?
  41. Brunch
  42. Drunk brunch
  43. Not throwing up at drunk brunch
  44. The friend that patted my back after throwing up at drunk brunch
  45. Tequila
  46. The Harbin security guard that let me back in without a GoCard when I left the building in my pajamas to pick up the Mai Thai I had ordered for the fourth time that week
  47. Happy hour(s)
  48. Nutella
  49. When the Metro is on time
  50. When the GUTS bus is on time #rare
  51. Finding your wallet and purse safe and your phone fully charged despite not knowing how you got home
  52. Losing your phone and having someone you don’t know find it in their freezer
  53. Awkward times in class when you are placed in a group project with a Tinder match
  54. Cancelled classes
  55. Todd Olson
  56. Jack DeGioia
  57. When the other person cancels plans first so you don’t have to
  58. Sweetgreen
  59. The bread at Sweetgreen
  60. Parks and Recreation
  61. Donald Trump’s hairspray
  62. When the professor forgets to pass around the attendance sheet the day you skip
  63. Heely’s
  64. Hoverboards
  65. Friends with free MSB printing
  66. Kylie Jenner’s Snapchat stories
  67. When your Safeway order shows up on time
  68. When they don’t include rotten avocados in your Safeway order
  69. The one crazy dude who carries on class discussions in Problem of God
  70. Georgetown sunsets
  71. When randos let you pet their dogs
  72. 2000’s era Cartoon Network/Disney/Teen Nick channels
  73. 4E (duh)
  74. Ducking autocorrect
  75. Double stuffed Oreos
  76. When your favorite elliptical/treadmill/bike at Yates is free
  77. The fact that in New York they actually put cream cheese on your bagel
  78. The Lau geo-tag
  79. People who studied abroad but don’t start every sentence with, “When I was studying abroad…”
  80. When you see a former hookup but you look super hot
  81. Chick Fil A not having E. coli
  82. The smoothies at Leo’s brunch
  83. Yahoo answers
  84. When somehow ace a pop quiz without doing the reading
  85. The kid who dropped a dish in Leo’s last week and it shattered
  86. DFMOs
  87. Group texts
  88. When you put your music on shuffle and all of the songs you like come on
  89. Professors who don’t give a sit-down final
  90. When the Corp’s coffee isn’t burned
  91. The new athletic facility that we all get to use #loljk
  92. The cops who didn’t arrest me when I threw my fake ID at them
  93. Social justice Facebook posters
  94. When random organizations give out free food and you pretend to be interested just for the candy
  95. Rumchata
  96. #Jesuits
  97. Intramural battle ship
  98. Epi’s lax refill policy
  99. Epi’s quesadillas
  100. Drunk Epi
  101. Epi

And just for fun, here are the few things we are not thankful for:

  1. Epi buffet prices
  2. Group texts
  3. Georgetown basketball
  4. Kylie Jenner’s ability to inspire an entire generation
  5. The cops who arrested my friend for using his fake at Towne
  6. The guy tapping his foot really loudly in the cubicle next to me in Lau
  7. The new GUTS routes
  8. The thin Oreos

Happy Thanksgiving, Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: reelseo.com

Excuses to Procrastinate Preregistration

Do you want to start worrying about what classes you’re taking next semester when you haven’t even finished midterms? Do you want to take five classes but only get into two of the five? Do you want to have 1738105 tabs open on your computer at once as you navigate MyAccess, Rate My Professors, and more?

Welcome to preregistration, Hoyas, because why register when you can PRE-register!

Here are the best excuses to procrastinate this daunting process, which tests even those who are well versed in the course catalogue and professor ratings:

“Still waiting on that Epi quesadilla I ordered at 1:30am”: How am I supposed to fill out my preregistration on an empty stomach? If you’re looking to diversify your purchases a little bit, click here.

“Trying to figure out the right way to go up the steps in front of Henle”: If you’ve ever tried to walk up these steps without looking awkward, you have failed. These steps force you to calculate your every move, something that takes up your precious preregistration time.

You probably look like this...
You probably look like this…

“Recovering from Georgetown Day”: Still missing: GoCard, room keys, dignity. If you didn’t lose something, did you really do Georgetown Day right?

“Waiting on my laundry to dry”: NEVER use dryer A4, you will have do a minimum of three cycles to dry your clothes. Honestly, you’d be better off wringing out your clothes by hand.

“I’m busy searching through my friends’ Facebook wall posts from 2009”: There is something so tempting about bringing up dirt from the middle school era. We were all different people then: people we don’t want to admit ever existed. It takes a long time to delete our own embarrassing posts, another reason to delay your preregistration.

“I never reset my MyAccess password so I can’t login anymore”: Passwords on passwords on passwords. There is no way to do anything if you can’t login, and for some reason, we have to change our passwords quite frequently.

“It’s happy hour somewhere”: Don’t pregame preregistration. This is more of an excuse to drink do something more than an excuse not to do preregistration, but whose counting?

happy hour

May you not get any of your first choices (because that lessens the chances I get mine)!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, hilariousgifs.com

Power Ranking of Drunk Epi Food

tumblr_static_junk_food_wallpaper_by_yume_fran-d31yapsWe’ve all been there: a pregame, two frat parties and a post game later, the drunkenness is high but the nausea is even higher. We at 4E have compiled a list of foods that have saved our lives at Epi on multiple occasions.

1. Quesadillas – Obviously a classic.

2. Onion Rings – Great for when you’re on a budget.

3. John Thompson – With corned beef, coleslaw and Russian dressing, this sandwich sops up alcohol like a shamwow.

4. Cool Ranch Doritos – Apparently they sell them there… who knew?!

5. Burger a la Georgetown – Order it with double veggie and feta cheese if you’re a guilty eater.
6. Smoking hot brisket – Did that smoking hot girl at the party ignore you? This sandwich definitely won’t do the same.

Sometimes, you do not have the mental capacity to pick a specific/complicated food (probably from all that studying). As one Epi-goer explained, “In real life, drunk me kind of just picks randomly off the menu.”

Here are the best of the random choices:

1. BBQ chicken pizza – You probably should get a whole pizza and maybe bring a friend along.

2. BLT – $3.25 and it’s greater than great.

3. BLT with avocado – Including tax it’s only $5.17. What a deal.

4. Other people’s fries – The move, always. Free food is always better than food you pay for.

While you should have so much fun at all the parties and stuff, try to keep yourself together enough to try these favorites from Epi.

*Remember that it’s good to eat and drink while drinking to avoid the dreaded ~hangover~
**Also remember the legal drinking age in the U.S. is 18 21

Photos/Gifs: huffingtonpost.com, gifmania.com, hellogiggles.com, tumblr.com

The 5 Things You’ll Experience When You Join 4E

apply

Attention: Funny and cool writers of Georgetown

4E wants you to join the inner circle write for us. Our application can be found here and it’s due September 15. So you should probably get on that if you want your life to be infinitely better.

If my natural wit and cunningness isn’t enough to make you apply, maybe my explanation of what you’ll experience as part of 4E will.

If you join 4E…

1.You will be forced to sing CoCo by O.T. Genasis around 5 million times. Because baking soda. (Note: We have no baking soda.)

2.You will become one of the loudest people in Hoya Court, because that is where we hold our meetings and because we are a loud group of people and tend to rub off on each other.

3.You will become a keeper of some of the most entertaining rumors on the Hilltop. The 4E staff knows all. We knew about Epi before it became a thing. #insiders

giphy4.You will become proficient in gifs. And list making. And writing about Lau. All important skills that may get you a job in the future. (Disclamer: 4E cannot ensure employment.)

5.You will meet and hopefully become friends with some of the funniest and kindest people on the Hilltop. 4E sticks together, who wouldn’t want to be part of that?

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Think you can deal with that? Send in that application. Guac might be involved.

Photos/Gifs: gifsgallery.com; giphy.com

Georgetown Tinder Profiles

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So if you’ve been on Facebook recently, I’m sure you’ve seen the news about the most-swiped Tinder campuses. According to Tinder’s statistics, Georgetown men ranked No. 1 in most swiped-right schools. Sadly for us Georgetown girls, we didn’t even make the top 50 campus of most right-swiped females.

So what’s all the fuss about?

Perhaps swipers are just attracted to profiles like these very real ones below:

“Jake”: one mile away

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Likes: The Wall Street Journal, Vineyard Vines, Goldman Sachs, St. Barth’s, GQ Magazine, SAE

About: “I’ve got a memory foam mattress if you’re tryin’ to chill”

Or this one?

“Stefan”: one mile away

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Likes: Compass Coffee, The Corp, Vital Vittles, Urban Outfitters, Strand Books

About: “Q: Why are men like coffee? A: The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night!”

Yet when all your friends have paired off after a night of debauchery and you’re the last one left at Epi, when you pull out your Tinder this is what you see.

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C’est la vie.