Hillary is Coming to the Hilltop

If you’re anything like us here at 4E, you probably freaked out pretty hard when you found out Hillary was coming to campus. I mean, after all, What Dreams Are Made Of” is a modern classic.

But after watching “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” for the umpteenth time in order to prepare ourselves for what we thought would be the first stop in the 2017 Hillary Duff Comeback Tour, we noticed something a little odd about our email invitations to the event in Gaston Hall on Friday.

The invitation didn’t say Hillary Duff, it said Hillary Rodham ClintonThis couldn’t be.

Last we’d heard, the former Secretary of State and pantsuit-aficionado was lost deep in the woods of Chappaqua, New York with her dogs. We wanted to do something about it, but sending a search team to look for America’s most accomplished grandma isn’t a part of The Hoya‘s budget.

At first, we didn’t know what to think. After months of #FakeNews, we didn’t know if we could even trust our own eyes. But there it was right in front of us.

The Hon. Hillary Rodham Clinton is coming to the Hilltop!

Since the announcement, questions have arisen.

  1. Do we get in line at 3 AM or 4 AM?
  2. Should we wear that old campaign T-shirt we haven’t been able to look at since November 8th without vigorously crying?
  3. Will she mention Trump?
    (Editor’s note: In a perfect world, he would show up at the speech too and they’d have a wizard’s duel à la McGonagall and Snape in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” over the presidency but hey, we get that that might be asking for a little too much. In fairness though, Healy Hall has always reminded us of Hogwarts.)

Whatever Hillz says, we’re sure it’ll be memorable. Almost as memorable as that time she won the popular vote by a few million votes and somehow still didn’t become president! Hahaha you’re so funny @ElectoralCollege! We’ll never get over that one! #TBT

Oh and Bill, if you see this, feel free to come too. We promise to get you lots of balloons.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com, buzzfeed.com

Make Sightseeing Great Again

In these tumultuous times, the District may seem like a less attractive tourist destination. However, if you properly ignore a certain orange presence, you’re sure to enjoy checking out America’s most treasured monuments and museums, which, believe it or not, are still standing after the election!

So, if you’re disheartened and still a little confused by the events of November 8th, 2016 and you have friends coming in from out of town or you’re just looking for a cool museum to explore by yourself (#foreveralone), 4E’s got you covered!

The Gear

The most important aspect of being a D.C. tourist is looking the part. Sure, you go to Georgetown, but you shouldn’t walk into the National Gallery of Art wearing Vineyard Vines if you want to be a real D.C. expert. That’s why 4E recommends purchasing a classy American flag fanny pack for your trips into the center of our nation’s capital. Aside from being stylish, a fanny pack such as the Freedom Fanny Pack with Six-Pack Drink Holder Extension is a convenient option for storing beverages for yourself and whoever’s crazy enough to walk around with you. The fanny pack can be accompanied by American flag leggings or a pet bald eagle.*

*Note: Bald eagles cannot be legally kept as pets in the United States. 4E is in no way encouraging readers to attempt to domesticate bald eagles and thus holds no responsibility for bald eagle attacks. But also, you do you.

The Top 5 Tourist Stops

Washington Monument

The Washington Monument is a 555-foot obelisk built to honor George Washington. Construction of the monument was completed in 1888 and it is to this day the tallest structure in D.C.

Unfortunately, the National Park Service is currently working on the monument’s elevator so the obelisk’s famous viewing deck is currently closed to the public. As the National Park Service is at this moment engaged in a Twitter war with our commander in chief (you just can’t make this stuff up), it seems extremely unlikely that the monument will be open to visitors before its expected completion date of 2019. On the other hand, the Trump presidency’s expected completion date is 2020. We are very much hoping this is a liberal estimate.

National Gallery of Art

Before the National Endowment for the Arts is defunded by our president, it’s worth taking a trip to the National Gallery of Art where you can impress friends and family by pretending to know about art history. Was Picasso the one that cut his ear off? Was Joan Miró a man or a woman? What kind of horrible parents name their child Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn? Don’t worry! Just pull a Kellyanne Conway by making some stuff up and laughing it off if anyone questions you. If you’re really stuck, just yell “alternative fact!” until people forget whatever ridiculous thing you said in the first place.

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Just don’t.

This used to be an historic monument but it’s currently being desecrated by an oversized cheeto and his friends.

Even once he’s gone, visiting will be a bit like going into a bathroom stall when someone just came out and said “Hey, I wasn’t feeling so good so you might wanna wait a while before you go in there.”

Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. (Unless you’re a Russian hacker, in which case, pat yourself on the back and go collect your pay before he sues you).

Supreme Court

If you’re a bad hombre or a nasty woman, this stop will be one of your favorites!

Hidden behind the Capitol Building, the Supreme Court is where our country’s most significant judicial decisions are made by nine justices. Well, most of the time it’s nine. It’s kind of complicated at the moment. We won’t get into it. (Love you @merrickgarland)

More importantly, the Supreme Court is the workplace of America’s favorite grandma and 4E’s biggest fan, Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

National Air and Space Museum

For those days when you’ve gotten seven CNN News Alerts about Trump’s executive orders, tweets and absurdly long neckties, and you just feel like you can’t handle living on Earth any longer, put your phone on silent and take a break at the National Air and Space Museum!

This museum has on display the Wright brothers’ plane, the Friendship 7 capsule that John Glenn flew as the first American to orbit Earth and even the Apollo 11 module that was responsible for the moon landing. If you consider the moon landing to be fake news, feel free to skip that part.

If these exhibits still seem a little too close to all our planet’s insanity for your liking, the museum even has an IMAX movie about future travel to Mars. We know moving to Canada seems like a drastic option — after all, even though they have an awesome (*cough cough hot cough cough*) prime minister, Canadians eat snow off the street and apologize for everything. That’s why we recommend exploring the Mars One website (www.mars-one.com) which will tell you all you need to know about being a Mars colonist. You might want to upgrade your fanny pack for that trip though.

Sources: giphy.com, twitter.com, tumblr.com

Meet the Next Mayor of DC

meetthemayorYesterday Muriel Bowser was elected mayor of Washington, D.C., defeating independents David Catania (SFS ’90, LAW ’94) and Carol Schwartz. Let us introduce her to you.

Bowser is currently a D.C. Councilmember representing Ward 4.

councilShe grew up in D.C. and got her masters in public policy at American University.

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Bowser won the Democratic primary over incumbent Vincent Gray in April of this year after announcing her candidacy in March 2013.

Washington D.C. city council member and Democratic mayoral candidate Bowser rallies supporters before voting in WashingtonIn 2011, she was arrested with other councilmembers and Mayor Vincent Gray while protesting after Congress agreed to impose controversial riders on D.C. spending. One stipulation was that D.C. could not spend its own money on abortions for low-income women. That’s pretty badass.

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Muriel Bowser was endorsed for mayor by President Barack Obama as well as The Washington Post.

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Bowser plans to close D.C. General Homeless shelter and improve upon the “rapid rehousing” strategy to deal with the increasing problem of homelessness in D.C. this winter.

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Bowser used the slogan #All8Wards to promote her plan of representing D.C. as one, unified city. That means you! And you! And you!

DC Mayor Primary

Bowser also likes to dance. This is very important to the 4E staff. We’re not about to deal with any “Footloose” nonsense.
Muriel Bowser

Congrats, Muriel Bowser! And Godspeed.

Check out thehoya.com for continued coverage of Bowser’s win.

Photos: static.squarespace.com, washingtoncitypaper.com, youtube.com, thegeorgetowndish.com, murielformayor.com, welovehiphopmusic.com, thegrio.com, images.politico.com

Info: Washington Post, The Hoya, In The Capital

Fifteen Shades of Gray

Vincent Gray banner

With only one month remaining until the candidate submission deadline, Vincent Gray has announced his entry into the upcoming D.C. mayoral race. Gray, who is currently serving as mayor of D.C., will seek re-election against several prominent candidates – including Jack Evans, Muriel Bowser and Tommy Wells – in the Democratic primaries. To get to know the candidate a bit better, here are our factual “Fifteen Shades” of Gray:

1. This is Vincent Gray. He is 71 years old.

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2. Gray is a graduate of The George Washington University.

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3. In 2004, Gray defeated incumbent candidate Kevin Chavous to become a member of the D.C. City Council, representing Ward 7.

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4. In 2010, he was elected mayor of D.C. His campaign slogan was “One city. Leadership we need.”

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5. Since taking office, Gray has had several major accomplishments for the city. In order to save the District $19 million in 2011, Gray proposed a plan that would furlough a majority of D.C. workers. (The D.C. Council later passed it.)

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6. As a result, the District has one of its first balanced budgets in years – with no new taxes.

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7. During his tenure, Gray has expanded the Metropolitan Police Department.

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8. During Gray’s time in office, Washington has seen its lowest number of homicides in 50 years.

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9. Since being elected mayor, Gray has implemented numerous reforms in technology and education. Unemployment has fallen almost 3 percent since he took office in 2011.

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10. That being said, Gray’s tenure has also been plagued by scandal.

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11. In what has been termed the “Sulaimon Brown controversy,” Gray has been accused of cronyism and making backroom deals to form his administration.

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12. Accusations of nepotism and unethical hiring processes ran abound. Some of Gray’s political appointees received salaries that were higher than those permitted by District law.

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13. Moreover, several of Gray’s campaign officers pled guilty to illegally diverting campaign funds, in addition to other corruption charges.

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14. Gray has denied any involvement with the campaign scandals. However, numerous D.C. Council members have called for his resignation.

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15. Thus, despite his successes, it looks like Gray faces a rocky road ahead in the 2014 mayoral race. For all of our campaign coverage and more, head over to The Hoya.

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Photos: The Grio, ABC News

Cat Wins Third in Virginia Senate Race

Everyone knows election season can get a bit catty, but this year’s race for Virginia’s Senate Seat got cattier than usual when Hank The Cat, a Maine coon from Northern Virginia garnered over 7,000 votes and took third place in the hotly contested race.

Hank “the Tank” led a fierce campaign against Democratic Senator-elect Tim Kaine and Republican former Sen. George Allen, the latter candidates being separated by a mere 180,000 votes out of the nearly 3.7 million votes cast.

Hank and his owners, Anthony Roberts and Matthew O’Leary, pitched a fierce, fabulously feline platform for their furry friend, with slogans that included “Milk in every bowl,” “Vote the humans out,” and “Our time is MEOW!” In addition, Roberts, O’Leary, and “Friends of Hank” spent nearly 12 hours at polling stations on Election Day, trying to gain last-minute votes.

Was the Hank campaign “purr-fect?” Clearly not. But despite the loss, Hank and his owners have raised over $60,000 for animal rescue organizations, including Four Paws, Animal Allies, the Animal Welfare League of Alexandria, and a Russian animal welfare organization (chosen by a foreign “Friend of Hank” who helped design campaign merchandise.)

Want to learn more about Hank and his friends? Visit his campaign website here. Not interested? Here is a cute cat video to spice up your Wednesday. Meow.

Photo Credit: Hank For Senate, EMM

4E Drinking Games: VP Debate Edition

The vice presidency is one of the strangest offices in politics. The vast majority of the 47 men (yes, they’ve all been men) who have held the office have done, well, nothing. It’s a mostly ceremonial position, discussed extensively during election season and largely forgotten afterward.

Unless, of course, a president dies.

This grave hypothetical makes the VP candidate a vital component of any presidential ticket. This year, Democratic incumbent Joe Biden faces off with Republican challenger Paul Ryan. It’s seasoned foreign policy wonk against up-and-coming budget hawk; lovable loudmouth against pretty-boy pragmatist; your crazy great-uncle against your high school quarterback. While neither candidate provides the getcha-popcorn-ready unpredictability of 2008 Republican candidate Sarah Palin, tonight’s TV special should bring plenty of high-quality entertainment.

But to our readers of legal drinking age who need a little extra kick in your debate-viewing experience — have no fear! Our official unofficial vice-presidential debate drinking game is after the jump.

Continue reading “4E Drinking Games: VP Debate Edition”

Sunday Night Wrapup: In Search of Stanley

Campus was busy this weekend between Relay for Life, GAAP weekend and Rigby Ball. So whether you were busy running between all these events or just cooped up in your room hiding from the rain, we’re here to catch you up on what happened this weekend.

  • Relay for Life happened this weekend on Harbin Field, with 1,732 Participants, 155 teams, and $203,558 raised for the American Cancer Society.
  • In the world of D.C. sports, defending Stanley Cup champions Boston Bruins bested the Washington Capitals 4-3 OT to force game 7 in the East conference quarterfinal in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
  • President Obama narrowly leads presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney in slew of new polls released this week. Republican primaries this Tuesday in New York, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Rhode Island and Connecticut, should allow Governor Romney to put more distance between him and his fellow GOP competitors, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul.
  • Tomorrow marks the beginning of the last full week of classes, so celebrate now before you have to buckle down for finals (or if you’re a senior, just celebrate!). 
Photo: AP Photo/Nick Wass via wjla.com

Sunday Night Wrapup: It Snowed!

Photo via Flickr user ep_jhu

by Bethany Imondi

In case you’ve been hiding in Lau for the past two days or are just starting to make sense of things again after a few wild nights, here’s what you missed this weekend:

  • On Saturday, our 12th-ranked men’s basketball team lived up to its “Heart Attack Hoyas” moniker with a last-minute  52-50 victory over Rutgers at Verizon Center.
  • The body of a man who had been living in the woods adjacent to the university’s Canal Street entrance for the past 25 years was discovered early Thursday afternoon. The Metropolitan Police Department is currently investigating the man’s death.
  • Joe Paterno, former Penn State football coach and the winningest coach in major college football, died early Sunday morning after losing his battle with lung cancer.
  • With the help of Baltimore Ravens’ kicker Billy Cundiff, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots advanced to Indianapolis to play in this year’s Super Bowl. The Patriots defeated the Ravens, 23-20, in Sunday’s AFC championship game at Foxboro’s Gillette Stadium.
  • And thanks to the San Francisco 49ers’ fumbled punt return in overtime of the NFC championship game, the New York Giants defeated the 49ers, 20-17, in San Francisco to advance to the Super Bowl. The February 5 game will be a rematch of Super Bowl XLII, in which the Giants ended the Patriots’ undefeated season with a 17-14 upset.