The Real Tombs Trivia

Ahh, senior year is finally here! While for many this involves dreaded words like “employment” and “graduation,” there is a very easy way to forget all of this: The Tombs. From the great deals on draft, to its charming atmosphere, there’s no question why The Tombs is one of Georgetown students’ favorite places to share stories pitchers.

However, only the the most successful of seniors really knows ~everything~ there is to know about this restaurant. Do you have what it takes to be crowned a trivia master? Check out 4E’s latest quiz to determine whether you’ve forgotten everything from your late nights at our favorite spot, or you’ve got a memory strong enough to power you through one last year of cramming for your last history requirement you somehow pushed off until senior year:

Photos: facebook.com, tumblr.com

 

 

4E’s Guide To Maintenance Requests

The beginning of the school year means a lot of things: new faces on campus, new classes, expensive textbooks, and huge spiders crawling through a crack in your Henle’s windows.

Thanks to Georgetown Facilities for a tradition unlike any other — the semester-long battle for attention and repairs.

But don’t worry! Keep reading for 4E’s helpful 12-step program that’ll bring ‘ol Ron from maintenance right to your door:

1. Make a normal complaint on the Georgetown maintenance website.

2. After the expected lack of response, call (202) 687-3432. Is it maintenance’s phone number? No. They don’t have one listed. But I’m betting that custodial will redirect you to someone in our favorite elusive department.

3. Still nothing? Time to pull out every Georgetown student’s secret weapon: entitlement! Get your parents to start calling — and if they don’t threaten to halt their annual donation, they’re not trying hard enough.

4. Stop by the maintenance department and just cry. Don’t say anything; just bawl for at least 15 minutes. But don’t forget to stop for a quick sec around the 7-minute mark to clearly state your name and room number.

5. Go to Safeway (or Whole Foods – refer to step 3) and purchase flour, corn syrup, and a basic pack of food coloring. Mix 2 drops of red food coloring, 1 drop of blue and 1 drop of green together. Add a teaspoon of flour and 1 tablespoon of corn syrup.

6. Break shower head.

7. Apply mixture made in Step 5 to hair.

8. Document head “wound”.

9. Double down on your previous efforts, sending news of both the broken shower head and the resulting injury.

10. Wait for the knock on your door

12.  After maintenance fixes the shower head, demand a walk-through of the apartment, and detail every single flaw. Ask for cell phone numbers. Make follow-up appointments.

Hit up that maintenance worker’s cell anytime you have a problem!

So, really? It’s just networking.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

What We Miss About The Old Leo’s

I’m sorry, the old Leo’s can’t come to the phone right now. Why?

So you miss the old Leo’s? Us too.  After all of the complaining and whining about the old Leo’s, here we are doing the same exact thing once again.  Who would have thought? Here are just a few of the things we here at 4E miss most about the old Leo’s.

The Panini Press

While the panini press is technically still in operation, it is nowhere near the same. If you are lucky enough to catch the panini press during the short period of the day it is available for use, you are no longer greeted with the slightly aggressive but always familiar “excuse me” of our dearly beloved Leo’s worker, Kim Kim. We need Kim Kim’s expert hands and devotion to the press back on the job.

Me when it’s only two o’clock but the panini press is closed

People Watching

For some reason unbeknownst to me, someone thought it was a great idea to place large structures right in the middle of the dining hall. Long gone are the days of spotting friends, enemies, former loves, etc. from across the room. How am I supposed to know who to say hi to and who to avoid eye contact with?

Satisfying Portions

Remember when Leo’s would literally serve each person half of an entire chicken? Well, good luck getting a single chicken leg in the new Leo’s. With nearly no self serve options anymore, Hoyas across campus are starving due to the smaller portions and unwieldy lines of the new Leo’s. I think this is some sort of fat-shaming.

Variety

Not talking about the food here. Leo’s needs to bring  back the second stair case. How am I supposed to mix up my life now that I have no option to take the right sided stair case instead of the left sided one?

Freedom

The swiping system in the new Leo’s has got to go. If you want to get your food upstairs, but your friends are sitting downstairs, you need to sacrifice an unnecessary swipe simply to sit with them. I miss the days when all swipes were equal.

That’s it for now, folks. Hopefully the new Hoya Hospitality team heeds this advice and makes the necessary changes to our beloved dining hall.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

Florida: The Sunshine State Is A Lie

So, while I’m pretty sure at least half of Georgetown’s campus is already abundantly aware of this fact, it’s worth noting that I am from Miami, Florida. #305forLyfe #Pitbull4Prez

For those of you who have not been watching spaghetti models for the last week (yes, that is actually what they call computer models that forecast Hurricanes), Hurricane Irma, the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic Basin, is currently devastating my home state with wind, rain, and Facebook groups aimed at dissuading Irma from hitting us.

Now, you may be saying to yourself “you aren’t going to try to make jokes about Hurricanes, are you?” and yes, I agree that would be rather inappropriate, so instead of directing your laughter at a natural disaster, I suggest laughing along with me at the beautifully messed-up state from which I hail (but mostly Miami).

Miami, the capital of Latin America, is home to around 6 million people, most of whom do not what turn signals are. Miamians are a creative people whose native language exists on a  continuum somewhere between bad English and terrible Spanish. While we often like to make fun of the rest of Florida, there is a Wikipedia page called “Miami Cannibal Attack” (check it out) and it is DISGUSTING.

Now as for the rest of Florida, it’s true that we have Orlando (where dreams come true until the guy in the Mickey Mouse costume gets arrested for public indecency) and a capital city whose name no one can spell, but otherwise it’s a pretty boring place. While some parts of the state like Boca Raton (literally Rat Mouth) are enclave of elderly North-Easterners, Florida seems to get more like the deep south the further north you go. It doesn’t make sense to us either.

So even though the rest of America would like to do this to us sometimes,

keep Florida in your thoughts, because without it this man would never have been President.

De nada irregardless, bro. Dale.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, vanityfair.com, tumblr.com

Transportation and Tacos: History in The Making

In just a few days, most Hoyas will be returning to The Hilltop. A select few will study abroad in the fall, but nevertheless anticipation to leave home has never been higher. But amid all the excitement and preparations to return to school, some may have noticed the blossoming of a new trend over the summer that could have serious effects on our futures: the combination of transportation apps (e.g. Uber and Lyft) and food delivery.

Uber Technologies originally unveiled UberEATS in 2014, but the service is still separate from the app that you use to transport your lazy body home from a night out. Food delivery apps quickly became a new fad; Postmates and Tapingo quickly followed and the industry boomed. Even more recently, Uber seems to have taken a step further with the ability to request an ice cream truck. I received this email recently and while the service was only available on August 11, I was still shocked to see how Uber promotes obesity continues to improve its services.

The email continued to describe an added benefit to requesting a personal ice cream truck. As if the idea of that wasn’t enough, Uber promised free ice cream at McDonald’s (every Friday until 9/22/17) when you brought your ~collectible cone~.

So now when you download Uber, you’re not just getting a car service. Instead, you’re exposed to a world of ice cream on-demand and free ice cream at McDonald’s.  While I am not a huge McDonald’s fan (unless it’s Shamrock Shake season), I can’t deny that I was impressed. But just when I thought it could not get any better, I received word that Lyft was developing something called “Taco Mode”: a service that delivers passengers to the nearest Taco Bell mid-ride. Instead of matching its rival’s ice cream service and partnering with McDonald’s, Lyft has raised the bar even higher by partnering with Taco Bell and bringing customers to a food source on their way home. This means that on your way home from the bar (or wherever you are in the middle of the night), you can easily make a pit stop at Taco Bell and satisfy your dietary needs. Has science gone too far?

The correct answer to that question is: NO! This is exactly what the people (read: we, students of Georgetown) don’t need in our lives. A service that allows us to stop for food on our way home makes life incredibly easier. Rather than taking two Uber/Lyft rides to stop for food and then continue back to campus, this idea saves time and money for students who are on a budget.

As the industry continues to change, one cannot help but wonder what services will be released in the future. In order to help some wannabe MSBros aspiring business leaders, here are some great suggestions that one could take into account when developing the next great food service:

  1. &pizza Feature for SafeRide– Building on the idea of Taco Mode, this could be both an excellent boost in business for &pizza on Wisconsin Avenue and great publicity for SafeRide and GUPD. If you are taking SafeRide back to campus at a late hour, what better place to stop? It’s close to campus and they have a variety of pizzas and free water. This feature could also mean that the SafeRide driver stops at &pizza for you and grabs your food. Either way, you’re getting pizza and a ride home all in one trip.
  2. Corp Coffee Delivery Service– As if The Corp didn’t have enough to worry about, a coffee delivery service could prove disastrous since probably everyone on campus (including faculty) would want coffee delivered to them. The solution would be to raise a delivery price, but then everyone would probably just not use the service. This may not seem like a great suggestion, but hey, maybe someone else can put a better spin on it.
  3. Quick Pita Food Truck– If this had happened prior to the tragedy of December 31, 2016, the eatery may have raised its sales enough to stay in business. Maybe it’s just me, but setting up this stand just off campus (in case you’re too lazy to walk the extra blocks) would’ve been a godsend.
  4. GUTS Stop at Jumbo Slice– Georgetown may have stopped the late-night Adams Morgan route, but it may be time to bring it back if this idea gains popularity. Picture this: you are leaving Madam’s Organ (if you’re of age, of course), and you want to take the free shuttle home but you also want pizza. Now you can do both because the shuttle waits while you run in and grab a slice.

While these suggestions may seem a bit ridiculous, are they any worse than “Taco Mode” or Uber ice cream trucks? That’s up to you to decide, but just remember that in the coming weeks there probably will be a longer wait for late-night Epi than a mid-day Cosi due to something called NSO. In case you have forgotten, the counter at Epi will look something like this.

So to whomever takes up one of these ideas and actually does something with it: please remember me when you’re famous!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, uber.com, businessinsider.com, money.cnn.com

4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide: How To Not Seem Like A Freshman

So you’re a freshman, huh? Big fish in a little pond? Think again, young Hoya.

A visual representation of you as a freshman

Being a freshman at Georgetown isn’t always the easiest. On a campus where your worth is sometimes measured by GPA and the clubs you are or aren’t a part of, you may sometimes have trouble keeping your head above water.

Lucky for you, though: The Fourth Edition is here to help! We’ve compiled a list of the ~best~ tips to help you avoid looking like that typical lanyard-wearing freshman on campus. Take a look:

    1. Don’t wear your lanyard. If you’re able to make it to Georgetown, this hopefully goes without saying. It’s totally OK to have your key on your lanyard in your pocket, but please don’t wear it around your neck. I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t actually see it.
    2. Ask “Who do YOU know here?” This just may be the most common saying at Georgetown. Essentially, its 10:34 p.m. on a Friday night, and after cramming into New South 215 for a pregame of epic proportions, you and your freshman squad roll up to a Village A apartment that seems like its pretty awesome. Unfortunately, you can’t seem to locate the friend-of-a-friend’s-brother that said he would let you in to the party, so you get asked “Who do you know here?” Turn it around and ask the question back to them. It’s never been done. If that doesn’t get you in, just give up.
    3. Know your memes. If you want to really learn about something, textbooks just don’t cut it. Knowing the memes are necessary. This means joining Georgetown’s one-and-only meme page on Facebook. Don’t have a Facebook? Don’t even. Take a look at an one of the page’s more notable posts:
    4. Know the terminology. Memes aren’t enough, since Georgetown has its own lingo. If you learn it early, you should have no problem navigating around campus. You’ll even increase your chances of getting into a party and may not get lost in the ICC coming from HFSC after when you’re studying for a BSFS in IPEC in the SFS! If all of these acronyms are foreign to you, for a not-so-complete list of some of the key terms you should use flashcards to memorize before the fall semester arrives, check here.
    5. Do get lost in the ICC. It may sound strange, but this is sort of a tradition, so much so that even as a senior having had a class every semester but one in the ICC, I still manage to turn the wrong way or get lost in this perplexing building every time I (attempt) to enter or exit, and I can confidently say I am not alone. Getting lost in the ICC is a tradition Georgetown students celebrate from the moment they get on campus till the day they graduate, so why not start early?
    6. Sit by yourself in Leo’s. As an upperclassman, I can say that there is nothing worse than the food at when our beloved dining hall is clogged with swarms of freshmen taking up every chair so the entire floor can eat together. You probably won’t end up talking to any of these people anyways in just a few short weeks, so why don’t you try something new, and sit by yourself? Upperclassman won’t be able to immediately identify you as part of that flock of freshman from VCW 6.
      Your entire floor does NOT need to eat together
    7. Do not stand in front of Village A rooftops between the hours of 9 p.m. and 11 p.m. on Thursday through Saturday. Perhaps the most identifiable freshman breeding ground, this locale is nothing but trouble for any upperclassman that happens to pass through. My memory of this area is characterized by several things: salmon shorts, GUPD, vomit, squashed cans of Natural Light and swarms of awkward freshman. Don’t associate yourself with this memory. Stand elsewhere when you’re looking for something to do.
    8. Don’t sit on the statue. Georgetown was founded to honor Leo O’Donovan with a waterfront restaurant for the pursuit of knowledge, not the pursuit of your Snapchat stories. The lighting is never just right for a photo on old John Carroll’s lap, so don’t even waste your time. Plus, getting up there is harder than it looks, so especially in the wee hours of the night, it is just never a good idea.

Granted, these tips won’t work for everyone. On a more serious note, if you’re still struggling with something, chances are, there is someone to help you with that! Take a look at some of the resources Georgetown has to offer.

Catch 4E’s latest student tips in next week’s edition of 4E Declassified Freshman Survival Guide!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, facebook.com, nick.com

Things My Internship Taught Me

So… you just finished your summer internship. Or maybe you didn’t have a job this summer because the idea of working a full-time, unpaid job that your dad’s friend-of-a-friend who knows that one guy from his high school who I guess is running for Congress now hooked you up with, just didn’t appeal to you. In which case, good for you. But for the rest of us who just finished lighting three months of our lives on fire, it’s time to do some reflecting. Looking back now, it’s hard to separate the time between March, when I was desperately trying to find a summer internship that I could proudly add to my LinkedIn profile like a Boy Scout badge, and the times I spent exiting out of Instagram and looking at my computer screen intently anytime my boss walked by my desk.  After some deep contemplation, however, I was able to come up with the most important things my summer internship taught me:

1.  My boss doesn’t know my name

Honestly, if you were lucky like me, then you basically got paid to be alive for 2.5 months. In fact, I’m pretty sure it would’ve taken anyone at my office longer than 2.5 months to notice I was dead and I probably still would’ve received my stipend for the summer term. So yeah, basically, if your boss doesn’t care to learn your name… it’s a win-win. Internships aren’t for learning, they’re for finessing and stealing time. 2. The importance of Happy Hour (for those 21+)

I never really understood why thirty and forty somethings loved happy hour so much. The thought of going to the P.F. Chang’s bar at 5:17 p.m. on a Tuesday for a half-priced Mai Thai used to seem really sad to me… until… I was forced to sit (read: scroll Facebook) in a cubicle for eight hours a day (read: for as little time as I could get away with). Now I get it. Without $5 chicken skewers and $3 long-island iced teas, there’s nothing else to look forward to… except my impending  and inevitable death, upon which I will be relinquished from the prison that is my office e-mail. 3. The Value of Money (lol jk)

I can’t be the only one who started off June declaring my intentions to save all of the money I would make this summer so that when the fall semester came I would have money for the occasional (read: twice a day) $28 smoothie from SouthBlock or, idk, just put the money away in savings? Well, that didn’t happen. I LEGIT spent all of my money on bi-daily coffee runs and now all I have left is regret and seven extra pounds I gained from all the scones I ate and I don’t even know how I’m going to burn them off because I can’t afford $30 work out classes anymore.  Like, what am I supposed to do? Go to Yates? *rolls eyes*  4. I look really good in a pencil skirt

Work wear is usually super gross, but I managed to push my office dress code to the very outer “Do I really need to wear a bra with this white blouse?” limits. Yes, I missed all of the best tanning hours and I don’t have Louboutin stilettos (YET, read further down), but — I did learn that if you’re ever in doubt about whether your outfit is work appropriate, just wear it. Yeah, Karen on the fourth floor will probably send an office-wide passive-aggressive e-mail out, reiterating the dress code, but if anyone confronts you directly you can just play the “I’m-a-dumb-but-cute-intern” card. Frankly though, you shouldn’t care: you choose what to wear, not your boss (and deffo not Karen with her ergonomic shoes and Chicken Alfredo Lean Cuisine.)  5. I don’t want to work

Yeah, I don’t want to work at all really. For some people, internships validate a certain career path or industry. For me, my internship made me realize that if I have to work a 9-5 job in a freezing cold office and wear a headset, I will retire at about the age of 25. Working just isn’t for me, which is kind of a huge problem, because I love money. Which brings me to my next realization… 6. I need a Sugar Daddy

You can interpret “Sugar Daddy” however you please and I’ll leave my own definition Jesuit-Ambiguous (TM) for purposes of keeping this up to Cura Personalis standards. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS. But I’m from Las Vegas, so let’s be realistic. Things didn’t work out with my boss unfortunately (refer to lesson #1) so now I’m back to the drawing board. I only have one more year left in Georgetown and only a few years left of my Sugar Baby prime to make it happen. But it needs to happen pretty soon, because Sweetgreen is expensive and it’s not like I can wear off-brand (read: anything except Lululemon) leggings on campus… so…

Hopefully, the adult world will work our better for you than it has been for me. For now, I’m off to update my seeking arrangement profile. Stay sugared Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, unomaha.edu

Things I Saw On The Paris Metro

After a lovely summer abroad in Paris, France, I am back in my even lovelier home state, New Jersey. While I often frequent New York City, I definitely am much more accustomed to the suburban lifestyle (i.e. using cars as my main method of transportation). With that in mind, my six weeks of relying exclusively on the metro (and sometimes sketchy Ubers) brought about quite a few surprises. Here are the five weirdest things I saw on the Paris metro:

  1. I straight up witnessed a man ALMOST fall onto a baby stroller, which prompted the mother to burst into tears. In his defense, he was not close to touching the baby so the reaction was a bit unwarranted. That being said, the only thing I’m THAT protective over is my dog, and if someone almost stepped on him, I’d probably cry, too.
  2. I watched a man dig his finger in his ear for twenty minutes straight. Seriously. Twenty minutes. I hope he found what he was looking for.
  3. I watched everyone check themselves out in the metro doors. I can’t even make a joke about it though because I did the same thing each and every time. Those things seriously make great mirrors.
  4. I witnessed a man who was so drunk he was lying on the station floor and his friends quite literally had to drag him onto the metro. Don’t ride the metro alone at 2 a.m. kids, or this is what you’ll see:
  5. I saw a man wearing a shirt that said “Massive🐔”. Comment dit-on “overcompensation?”

And there ya have it folks. Stay safe using public transportation.

Photos/Gifs: residences-paris.com, giphy.com

Summer 2017: Important News Updates (Part II)

As the final days of summer 2017 wind down and you start getting ready to argue with your parents about packing the car return to your home on the Hilltop, we here at 4E have compiled another helpful guide to the Most Important Things to Happen This Summer (Part II). Look no further for a definitive list of things to talk about when your TA goes around the room on the first day of class and makes everyone say one interesting thing about their summer.

1. The Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme Became a Thing

The Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme is the hero we didn’t know we needed. In the midst of a summer full of fidget spinning and erratic tweeting, the Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme arrived to distract and delight us with his iconic dance moves. Easily identified by his signature green headphones and charming soft smile, the Dancing Hot Dog Snapchat Meme is one summer trend you’ll want to check out before it becomes unbearably annoying in the next few days.

2. Macauley Culkin Glowed Up

As evidenced by the massive popularity of HGTV home-improvement shows such as Fixer Upper and Flip or Flop, there’s nothing America loves more than a good Glow Up (also known as a “makeover”, for all my non-millennial readers out there). And Macauley Culkin is no exception. The actor best known for surprising home intruders certainly surprised us this summer with his stunning transformation. He initially went from being an adorable child star to being a not-so-adorable regular person, but these days, Macauley has reignited his film career and is looking better than ever! We here at 4E think that Mr. Culkin is giving Justin Timberlake a run for his money for the title of cutest former 90s icon.

3. Game of Thrones is a hit

This particular writer has never actually watched Game of Thrones, but social media assures me it is all the rage. Based on what I’ve seen from scrolling through my Facebook timeline and looking at magazine covers while waiting in line at the grocery store, it takes place somewhere cold, magic is part of it, and there is a character named “John Snow”. Also Ed Sheeran is a cast member. Based on that, I am pretty sure it’s like Harry Potter but with singing. Feel free to contact me and let me know if I’m correct. Also feel free to contact me and give me your HBO GO password so I can finally figure out what all the hype is about.

4. Chris Pratt and Anna Farris Broke Up

After the devastation of Josh not inviting Drake to his wedding back in June, I didn’t think summer 2017 could get much worse in terms of famous couples breaking up. But as you may have heard, I was wrong: Chris Pratt and Anna Farris officially announced their separation. Fans of Parks and Recreation and the Scary Movie franchise were heartbroken. If this adorable, hilarious couple couldn’t make it, what hope is there for the rest of us gross, boring couples out there in the real world? For the rest of 2017, we need to protect Kim and Kanye at all costs.

How we all feel right now

5. Donald Trump and His Staff Broke Up

In a series of  less-surprising public break ups, President Donald Trump parted ways with several high-ranking White House staffers this summer. First to go was Press Secretary and former White House Easter Bunny, Sean Spicer. While Spicer spent most of his tenure hiding in bushes and rewriting history in the briefing room, his time at the White House nevertheless gave us a chance to see Melissa McCarthy’s comedic genius shine on Saturday Night Live, and for that, we are thankful. Next up was Chief of Staff and guy who purposely used the word “nothingburger” to describe allegations of Russian collusion on live TV, Reince Priebus. Priebus is perhaps best known for being the shortest-serving Chief of Staff in American history, as well as looking uncomfortable in every photograph ever taken of him (see: google images for verification). Finally, after just 11 days, Trump bid farewell to Communications Director and probable future star of a The Sopranos reboot, Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci. The Mooch’s crowning achievements during his all-too-brief tenure  include missing the birth of his son to attend a rally and using some “PG-13” language in a notorious on-the-record interview that is probably not in accordance with Georgetown’s Jesuit values.

So there you have it: all the important things you need to know that have happened this summer. From all of us here at 4E, enjoy the last few days of freedom before you’re back in a cubicle on Lau 5.

Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com

Classic Underclassmen Mistakes at Bars

Readers, it’s now July and the sun has since set on my second year at Georgetown. I am now considered an ~upperclassman~ at this wonderful institution. Let’s just say I’m feeling a little nostalgic.

Despite feeling a bit depressed that I only have half of my time left at Georgetown, one day, I started thinking and laughing about all the things freshmen and sophomores do that scream “UNDERCLASSMAN.” For example, I used to say “the” before every location. “The Brown House,” “the Nevils” and “the Midnight Mug” were just a few phrases that gave me away as a freshman two autumns ago. One of the lists that came to mind was the mistakes that underclassmen make at bars — a list that I’m sure could fill an entire book.

Piano Bar, Chinese Disco, Mr. Smith’s — these may not be a few of your favorite things, but they certainly are for a large part of the student body. Check out Piano on a Wednesday for Jersey Night, crawling with sober freshmen and a few intoxicated, washed-up seniors. Chi Di Thursdays, arguably the best day of the week, are a great way to kick off the weekend. The legendary Mr. Smith’s brunch is a way to waste enjoy most of your Saturday.

It just might happen that Chi Di is letting people in as 18+, so those of you who are youngsters are in luck! You don’t need to worry about getting past the bouncer and/or the cops. The venue’s bumping, your 21+ friends pass you beverages and you’re having the time of your life while dancing on one of the booths. But wait! 12:30 rolls around and they decide to kick all of the 18+ guests out. You, however, try your luck and evade the flashlight-wielding bouncers for a period of time. Just when you think they’re gone, you get back up on a booth and start breaking it down again. Before you know, a flashlight is shining right in your eyes and you’re forced to show some identification. Luckily, you brought a fake ID with you to save the day! Your reach into your wallet and hand it to the bouncer without even looking. As the light shines on it, you see that you actually handed him the WRONG ID and gave yourself away as underage.

He promptly takes your drink and pulls you from the crowd to leave you outside, wondering whether you should try Piano or just call it a night. You later have to face the shame of telling all your friends about what happened, and you just feel dreadful. However, as bad as you feel about yourself for getting kicked out of Chi Di, you don’t envy your other friend. He took a different route and went to Piano. Acting like a big shot, he decided to open a tab and buy all of his friends drinks. Is one vodka soda a good choice? Yes. Is buying twenty of them a good choice? Definitely not. He came home from Piano with an empty bank account, no memory and no Quick Pita.

While buying your friends drinks is a nice gesture (after all, who’s going to say no?), it might be a wiser choice to save your money for more necessary purchases, such as food. One way to avoid killing your bank account is to not arrive at the bar too early and enjoy your New South pregame a bit more. If you think that those are beneath you as a freshman and that I’m lying, good for you! You’re probably not that fun anyway.

Underclassmen also sometimes try to argue with the bouncer when he rejects them. This. Never. Works. Maybe you try to convince him that you’re actually from where your ID says: “Please sir, I’ve lived in Pennsylvania my whole life!” OR, you might just try to be rational with the doorman: “If you let me in last night, why aren’t you letting me in now?” (Do I appreciate this line? Maybe. Let’s just say there’s no better weapon than logic.) Either way, trying to argue your way into the bar is only going to make the bouncers angry, and decrease your chances of getting in. In this circumstance, you could compare the bar to a Brown House party: some nights you’ll get in quite easily; other times you’ll be sent back home quite early. Of course, you could have made the simple error of choosing the wrong age on your ID. This situation may look like this:

Last but certainly not least, we have the classic mistake of trying one’s luck with the cops. When there’s a cop next to the bouncer, most students who “shouldn’t” be going to the bar turn and disappear.

However, some have such strong faith in their fake IDs that they truly believe they can fool the cops. Next thing they know, they’re pulled aside, forced to sit on the curb and soon taken down to the station, where they process you and send you back home. The only thing that may be worse than being arrested is having to tell your parents that you were arrested. Some anonymous Hoyas who have endured this tragedy describe their initial reaction as this:

The bottom line? Not worth it.

Although there are probably dozens of more mistakes that underclassmen typically make at bars, these are just a few common ones that make people laugh, cry or think of better times when they had clean records. Just remember, we at 4E just want you to have fun and be safe if or when you do venture off campus. So in conclusion, stay responsible, Hoyas! And if you’re an underclassman who hasn’t already ventured to a bar, please note that nine times out of ten then your GoCard will not be accepted as a valid form of ID.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, media.collegetimes.com, youtube.com