Things Worth Loving This Valentine’s Day

Down with capitalistic consumer culture that tells us that showering in materialism one day a year is a necessary approach to demonstrating our care for a significant other! Down with societal expectations that promote monogamy, heteronormativity and tacky, giant, useless teddy bears bound for eventual landfill!

Why just celebrate one person one day a year when you are surrounded by people and things worth loving every day, all of the time?!

Here’s 4E’s take on things that are truly worthy of love and celebration this Valentine’s Day:

Epi’s salad bar

DeGioia’s smile

Healy Lawn

The Office

Bathroom Stall Art

Peets!

70 degree weather in February

Tinder

Free cake samples at Dog Tag Bakery

GUPD officers who smile

Arrupe’s study spaces

Arrupe being called Arrupe

NPR Politics

Leo’s vegan options

Yates midday

The Law Center GUTS bus

Lau’s free feminine product dispenser

Super Bowl commercials that promote unity

A friend’s baby photos

Your grandparents

Bitmojis

Peanut butter

The Smithsonian Museum of African American History and Culture

Lau’s book request system

Research grants

Sunshine

Fluffy dogs

Naps

Big dogs

Netflix

Little dogs

Booeymonger

Rumchata

If you’re still reading this and feel as though your qualms for the holiday have not subsided, here’s a list of things you might not love, but nonetheless could make you more grateful today for the things that you do love.

Here are things to also love today:

Donald Trump’s twitter

Expired groceries

The patriarchy

Systematic inequality

Georgetown’s rising tuition

Racial disparities

Antisemitism

Being ghosted

Canada Goose jackets

People who walk slowly

Read receipts

Saxanet

Poor customer service

Class with your ex

Classism

Corp coffee

Splitting the check

Partisanship

The Metro

Weekly assignments

Rejection

2k17’s lack of snow days

Gifs: giphy.com

Dating Advice from Donald Trump

Hear ye, hear ye! A proclamation to all the Georgetown romantics looking for or currently involved in a loving relationship: Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! You may think that you are an expert on the lovely world of dating, but there can only be one true master. And that master just happens to be the President of the United States. We here at 4E have searched for and archived some of our new President’s greatest pieces of advice just for you!

Follow this advice and you can be            just like The Donald!

Have no tolerance for cheaters.

The fall of 2012 was a rocky time for everyone’s former favorite celebrity couple, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. With allegations of cheating by Kristen Stewart running amuck, many were outraged–including America’s very own, Donald Trump.

In the span of approximately one month, our President tweeted a total of 6 times voicing his opinions on what Robert Pattinson should do about his former partner’s infidelity. The rampage begins with the following remarks made on October 17, 2012:

While this tweet includes a few troubling remarks, the overall message is clear–Robert Pattinson should not tolerate cheating and neither should you.

Have high standards for yourself.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are not the only celebrity couple Donald Trump felt the irresistible desire to weigh in on. He also simply had to tell the world his opinion of Katy Perry and Russel Brand as well. On October 16, 2014, Donald Trump sent the following tweet.

Considering he is the father of two daughters, it should come as no surprise that Donald Trump has taken the “over-protective-dad” approach to this one. He only wants the best for Katy and you. Find yourself a significant other who’s got more going on than Russel Brand and don’t settle for anything less.

@RusselBrand

Don’t date unattractive people (inside and out).

On August 28, 2012, Donald Trump offered a compliment to the husband of Arianna Huffington for his decision to divorce his wife.

Donald Trump raises some very important points here. Physical and emotional attraction are key for any relationship to flourish. In this tweet, Donald Trump also displays a clear understanding of how sexuality works–Arianna Huffington’s former husband was clearly so repulsed by the unattractiveness of his wife that he became gay.

If this does not show Donald Trump’s support of LGBTQ rights, I don’t know what does.

Don’t date your daughter.

While I thought this was an unspoken rule, Donald Trump has made it very clear that you should not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, date your daughter–no matter how attracted you are to her.

Donald Trump has often made remarks on the physical beauty of his daughter, Ivanka, in the past. In fact, on one 2006 episode of ABC’s “The View,”  “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” I guess a biological, paternal relationship is simply an unfortunate deal breaker for our president.

That’s it for now kids! If you simply follow Donald Trump’s advice, you will wake up on Valentine’s Day with a relationship as strong and genuine as his and Melania’s.

Photos/gifs: twitter.com, giphy.com 

Word Wednesday: Cuffing

Oh baby, it’s cold outside and that means one thing: it’s “cuffing” season. What is cuffing you may ask? Well, this Word Wednesday 4E is about to educate you on this oh-so important word. You can thank us in advance.

According to notably credible source Urban Dictionary, “cuffing” or better yet, “cuffing season” is that time during the cold months when singles everywhere wish to hop on the relationship train desiring to be “cuffed” or cuddled in a ball of warm love. Urban Dictionary states, “the cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.”

So, if you’re single and ready to mingle or just want an extra body to keep you warm on those cold winter nights, then “cuffing” is a word you should familiarize yourself with! But, how do you find your cuffing partner? Oh don’t worry, 4E has a few ways you can find a winter bae.

  1. Get on a dating app
    This is a fool proof, option plenty way to meet someone ! You can hop on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Happn, Grindr and many more. Just start swiping and you’ll find a cuddle buddy in no time.
  2. Get on Spoonr
    If you’re looking to skip the awkward small talk and happy hour dates, then get straight on Spoonr.  I didn’t even know this kind of thing existed, but apparently Spoonr is the #1 cuddling app. I guess there really is an app for everything.
  3. Get the newest edition of the girlfriend/boyfriend body pillow
    If you’re looking to just skip the whole human interaction thing altogether but still want to feel cuddled by an inanimate object (#creepy), then look no further than the “boyfriend/girlfriend cuddling pillow.”  You’ll feel loved and get to skip all conversation and effort at the same time.
    We hope that you keep warm over these next few months and find your perfect cuffing partner. Honestly, skip the dating apps and pillows…dogs are the best for cuddles!

    Images: giphy.com

Awkward

Awkward 2

Freshman year of college is like the first episode of New Girl or the sex-ed class in 5th grade- awkward. But it’s okay because you’re a freshman and you get to embrace this identity throughout all of those moments that make you cringe, want to dive into some water, put a bag over your head, etc. When you’re a sophomore it’s still pretty awkward and you have less of an excuse to embrace it (but you of course do anyway). Have no fear though because by the time you’re a senior, well you know what they say: it’s only awkward if you make it awkward. And well, you still probably are.

Anyhow,

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4E is ripe with a haul of self-proclaimed awkward experts. Had an awkward moment? It’s most likely that we’ve been there, and back, too many times. So for those times when you’re torn between hiding under the covers or breaking free out into the world, we’re here to push you toward the latter! Let us now walk you through a few scenarios and some strategies for conquering them.

1. First, the classic name game. You’ve met 1,000 people this year and you’ve remembered about 6 of their names. When the moment arises that you forget someone’s name, you can…

  • Proceed to cough various names in hopes that one will trigger their attention.
  • Find a reason to clarify the spelling.
  • Call them pal, Jack, Caroline, or Sarah, you have a 40% chance of being correct.

giphy-12. Next, you are walking behind someone that totally looks like that person that’s in that group with you. They’ve got the same hairstyle, cool shoes, and the same build. Rather than awkwardly walking directly behind them to class you jump ahead and start talking. But then you realize it’s not the person whom you thought it was. You can…

  • Run.
  • Continue to talk to them as if they were that person and imply that it is them not you who is crazy.
  • Introduce yourself and invite them to coffee because this could be the making of a
    perfectly awkward friendship.
  • Pretend you were talking to the imaginary person behind them.

3. A friend asks you on a date. You had just settled in for the night, aka you only have a t-shirt and underwear on and you hear a knock at your door, “So, I was wondering if you would want to get dinner later this week?” You can…

  • Shut the door in their face, go to bed, and apologize in the morning you thought you were having a nightmare.
  • Say yes, but call it a “friendly dinner” and continue to emphasize how excited you are for the “friendly dinner” all week.
  • Pretend you no longer speak English, and mistakenly thought they asked if you had any extra socks. Proceed to hand them socks.

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4. An actual date. Let’s say it was coffee. Here we shall focus on the goodbye. You just departed Saxbys and are heading in the opposite direction of your date. You can…

  • Keep as much distance as possible so that by the time they go in for a move you are
    halfway up O Street.
  • Go in for the handshake. Bold. Sends a message that you’re serious.
  • The usual, “Let’s do this again sometime,” followed by the expected response of a nod
    of the head and one resounding “Yeah, totally, for sure.” (*thanks but no thanks).

5. Your professor overhears saying something you would rather them have not heard.This could be anything from the Saturday night that you wish to never relive, to how you haven’t done in the reading all semester. It’s all awkward. You can…

  • Go to office hours, kneel on the floor, and plead your apology.
  • Act like you were acting out someone else’s life and proceed to talk about all of the
    studying you did this weekend.
  • Wallow in your embarrassment and never go to that class again.

6. Alas, the person you’ve been seeing asks ‘what you guys are.’ You can…

  • Just show them this, or act it out.

gifs: giphy.com

Word Wednesday: HAUNTING

haunting_shadow4E is here to keep its readers hip and in the loop.  So, if you haven’t already heard, the new word on block is “HAUNTING”. What is “haunting” you may ask? The new form of ghosting; haunting is when one breaks off the relationship without explanation or contact, but still communicates indirectly through social media.  If ghosting wasn’t bad enough, haunting may be the ultimate low of our awkward relationship or “lack there of” culture.

So, what are some examples of haunting? 4E is here to help.

SNAPCHAT:

You were totally ghosted last weekend by let’s call him “Michael,” but you two are still friends on Snapchat.  You thought everything was going great and you even had a Snapchat streak of 4 whole days! But, that is all long gone, as “Michael” has stopped all communication for a whole week.  YET, HE STILL VIEWS YOUR STORY LAST NIGHT OF YOU EATING A CHICKEN QUESADILLA AT EPI!!! The sore reminder of him hurts the pit of your stomach.  Delete your “Michael,” ladies!

FACEBOOK: 

Girls can ghost and haunt, too! You totally thought that you and let’s call her “Jessica” hit it off at that VIL A golf party.  You even took her to Georgetown Cupcake for a casual date on a TUESDAY night!!! After which, you thought it appropriate to Facebook friend her.  She accepts and you two see each other for three weeks.  And by that, I mean you go home with each other for three consecutive weekends.  When all of the sudden, you never hear from “Jessica” again and thus, you have been ghosted. Two weeks later, you see her name pop up on your notifications that she liked your new profile pic.  Confused? You should be. It’s probably best to just unfollow or unfriend her as it’s still a sore subject among your bros.

4E hopes that after properly defining the word HAUNTING, you will now know that there can be something worse than ghosting.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

Love On The Hilltop

Banner - Dating SitesAs Valentine’s Day is approaching, every Georgetown student without a significant other is focusing more on their academic and professional lives and less on their love lives. Hoyas seem to think that, by this time in the school year, if you haven’t connected with your crush, then you never will.

Also Saturday night, Sunday night, Monday night… You get it.

We at 4E know that that is absolutely wrong! Especially as this ~Day of Love~ is approaching, no Hoya should ever be alone.

Get some inspiration from the websites below to connect with Hoyas just like you so you can rest easy knowing who you’ve found bae just in time for the most love-filled holiday of the year:

1. Jesuit Flames: This Valentine’s season, the Passion isn’t just for Christ. Before you set fire to the world, set fire to your love life and connect with another Jesuit-value-embodier today!

2. Ex-Pat Passions: You left your home country for a reason! Drop those Internation-NOs and find your Ameri-CAN today.

3. Vegan Bar Baes: Tired of Hoyas who only want Vegan banana bread, and not you? Look no further! Discover love without the mess of animal products!vegan4. Lau 5 Lovers: Are you finding trouble meeting Hoyas because you’re too committed to your studies? Never again wonder if YOU could be that guy or girl getting it on in the stacks. Find your study soulmate today!

Who says Lau isn't romantic?
Who says Lau isn’t romantic?

5. Burnett’s Meets Epicurean: Don’t have time in your day for a Coffee Meets Bagel date?Meet your crush when it’s most convenient: when you’re looking for some love, but mostly just looking for drunk eats. Never go home alone (or hungry) again!

6. Yates n’ Dates: Need a real cardiovascular workout? Try this site, which pairs you with the people you’ve spent the most time staring at through the mirrors around Yates!

staring mirror
Disclaimer: You may match with yourself if you’re one of those people…

Good luck finding ~your~ loved one!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, goplengo.xyz

Love Locks Inspiration: Millennial Dating

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The deadline to submit your creative nonfiction for The Hoya’s Love Locks special issue is fast approaching. If, for some strange reason, you don’t know what this is, here’s a description of the project:

Inspired by the New York Times’ “Modern Love” essay series, The Hoya’s “Love Locks” project will publish submitted creative nonfiction pieces from students, professors and alumni.

The selected pieces will address love in a deeply personal, honest way — in the form of a true story — and explore predicaments that their writers have dealt with in their own lives.

We know that many of you are longing to submit your tales of love and romance, but might need some inspiration to get you started. So we’ve gathered some pieces for you to take a look at.

Perhaps you want to write about love and dating…

L.A. Affairs: Swiping right on Tinder is a big yes to possibilities, but it’s also a yes to vulnerability

“To date is to be vulnerable. Growing up introverted, it took me a while to accept that. Some people might still dismiss the emotional reality of online dating, but you put yourself out there with every message that you send, every heart icon you click, every “like” button you push. Even if you make nothing but a boilerplate message for every icebreaker (which is a terrible idea, by the way), there’s still that little prick of hope, that “maybe” or “what if” in the back of your mind when you send it.”

NYT Modern Love: The Peril of Not Dying for Love

“I learned everything about love from movies. Love had a sexy soundtrack. Love was forever. Love almost always involved rain, stubborn parents and irrevocable passionate sacrifice.

Growing up, I wanted that sort of big love. My favorite romantic formula was the best-friends-falling-in-love pattern, à la Chandler and Monica in “Friends” or Ron and Hermione in “Harry Potter.”

NYT Modern Love: Life Was a Roving Party Until I Grew Up

“If you want to meet an available man who is well dressed, showered and looking good, hang around divorce court. There is one in every town.”

NYT Modern Love: A Forbidden Relationship, From the Other Side of the World

“Although I have little interest in money and survived into my 30s having never owned a proper piece of furniture or fully functioning car, her money was like a wall between us, or rather, between her and the future she seemed to want for herself.

Her family, who either didn’t know or pretended not to know that she was gay, was constantly whisking her away on international trips and vacations. She would Skype me, looking miserable in a sari in front of cinematic backdrops.”

The Hoya: Opting into the Dating Game

“I’ve had friends tell me I’m “so lucky” I’m single because I don’t have to consider a significant other in my future plans. They’re right. The whole world is open to me, and being single is one less factor as I navigate the job hunt.

On the other hand, I’ve never been on a date. (High school doesn’t count.) Cuddling with my reliable yet meaningless hookup, I thought, “I would love real cuddling in a real relationship,” and everything that comes with it.”

Remember, submissions are due by Oct. 30.

Photos: The Hoya

4E’s Guide to Dating: Cheap & Easy

old-schoolGone are the days of taking them out to dinner, going for a movie, Netflix and chill (okay so maybe not quite yet). With all the new hip things the kids are doing these days, there are new ~funky~ fresh ways to date. While we don’t have a clue what all the non-millennials are talking about in regards to our “hookup” culture, we do recognize that with all our sleek new technology like “TVs” and “fitbits” we have innovated the art of dating.
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Here are 4E’s top picks to seal the deal, get a second date, network in disguise or to make that other guy/gal jealous (but we think this last one is ill-advised and recommend you just try honest communication). Whatever you’re looking for these new hip unconventional tips and tricks are bound to leave you mission accomplished by the end of the day on a cheap nonexistent budget.

  1. Attend an info session. Did someone say free pizza?! I mean you said you were going on Facebook so you have to follow through. And, hey, if you’re actually interested you get to kill two birds with one stone. Two interests, one hour. Done.
  2. The Walking Date. Don’t have time to go to Yates and make time for the love interest? Like #1, be efficient and do both at once! If you’re really into it we suggest taking it to the treadmills. What better way to spend a first date than racing each other while sweating on machines?!
  3. The One with the Frat Party. It’s Saturday night, you’ve had exams all week and you just want to release all of your tension with a little whip and nae nae-ing but you already told that cute-ish someone you’d hangout with them. Solution: Take them to the party!! What better way to get to know someone that jumping on a couch at Brown House or weaving through a room full of sweaty less-coherent individuals.
  4.  Lau. There’s nothing sexier or more romantic than the basement cubicles… If you think I’m going somewhere physical with this, I’m not. If you really want to show this person  you’re hardworking, driven and serious about them bring your homework. Designate separate cubicles for each other and don’t speak for at least 30 minute intervals at a time. You gotta study that orgo, amiright?giphy-1
  5.  Le Metro. Get super adventurous and take them through the city. Keep it underground of course. Ride it all day if you have to. And if the couple dollars to get on is too much try the GUTS bus, we hear it runs all day and has various stops. If they try to leave after an hour or so continuously assure them that your destination awaits.

 

gifs: giphy, blog.pof.com

Hoya Love Tips

hand-holding-love-tumblr-1-520x245You may have heard about the recent proposal on campus where two members of Georgetown staff were casually caught walking out of Healy Hall on a Tuesday evening only to be greeted by a candlelit Healy circle engulfed in the bellowing voices of the Georgetown Chimes.

IMG_2110 2

Missed it? Perhaps you’ve had a chance to swoon over other Hoya Love Stories. Or, if anything, you must’ve heard by now that 70% of Hoyas marry Hoyas.

If all of this is sounding really unfamiliar, no worries! 4E is here to bring you back into the love loop. Here are our expert-advised top four best ways to ensure you find love on the hilltop!

  1. Freshmen we’re looking at YOU. This first one’s a good one, but you’ve got to lock it down fast. It’s about laundry and given that we’re only about a month into school your suitor might still be unsuspicious when you approach him or her in the laundry room asking for instruction. Here are the can’t miss questions to lock down your lover in a CODElaundry101 situation: Which machine cleans clothes and which one dries them? Uh huh. Next ask something a little more cheesy: Are you an angel? Because you’re just so radiant, sparkly and clean I don’t even think I need to wash this load. And last, but **not least** Could you help me fold my delicates?
  2. giphy-6Next we have the one, the only, LEO’s 2.0. Is there a particular hunny you’ve got your eye glued to, enough to notice that he/she waits in the pasta line at 5:40pm every weekday (except Tuesdays) where she orders wheat, a little of both sauces and loads up with a bowl of broccoli to mix in? Ah, we know just the case! Surprise your prospect by arriving at 5:20pm, have their pasta ready for them as they come in, lock arms and direct them to a table. Proceed to ask them in miniscule detail about every aspect of their worst nightmare. Then act it out. It will put them at ease.
  3. TA-TIME: Think your Econ TA’s got their eye on you? There’s about a 300% chance that all hunches are accurate, so I’d say you’re in the clear. Now’s your time to swoop in. On your next exam, granted that the TA will be the one grading it, make sure to add a little something something to one of your short answers. Throughout the test you can throw out subtle hints like a few hearts here and there, maybe a pick up line, but save the real juicy stuff for the end. When it comes time for that final short answer question, I don’t care what the subject is: Math, Econ, Poetry in the 18th century… Use your knowledge to construct a well thought out plan of action. For example: Roses are red, violets are blue, meet me at my place at 6 so I can “kiss you”.

giphy-74. Last, but certainly not least, the classic: The girl or guy next door. Maybe the above scenarios haven’t quite hit home yet. If that’s the case this is the one for you. Throughout your four years here on the hilltop you are bound to have a neighbor befitting of the guy/gal next door complex. When you do, here’s what you need to do: First, slide notes under his/her door. One per week. Try to write a story with them, it can be about anything, but we prefer bunnies. Additionally, you need to listen. Through the wall, through the door, I don’t care. But you need to dig up as much dirt as you can! Once you’ve mastered the art of eavesdropping caring, you can use your acquired material to your advantage. Show up at his/her door and walk them to class. Every class, everyday. You absolutely cannot miss. Your persistence will steal their heart. Keep the notes coming and add more stalker-esque activity whenever you hear something fitting.

Happy loving! 4E can’t wait to be apart of your wedding party when the big day comes at Dahlgren Chapel!

Photos/Gif: giphy.com, bwwall.com, Duncan Peacock

(Yet Another) Snapchat Update

On-Blog-Snapchat-1-700x300Remember when Snapchat let you see your friends’ best friends? Remember how many relationships were ruined and crushes were exposed? Well, Snapchat has officially turned over a new leaf: it now shows special emojis when you’ve been best friends with someone for a while. The app is essentially supporting long term, monogamous snapping relationships.

By now we all know the emoji categories – the happy smiley, the grimacing smiley…But if you need a refresher, see our article here.

As always, when you are your #1 best friend’s best friend, you get a gold heart next to his or her name.

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But now, if you’ve been best friends for two weeks, you get a red heart.images

And then, when you’ve been best friends for two months, you get the two small pink hearts. It’s lovely.

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Bonus info: if you reach a 100 day snap streak, the fire emoji becomes the 100 emoji. Keep snapping and stay loyal!

Emoji100

Special thanks to emojipedia.org for the deets.

Photos: animalnewyork.org, dopepicz.com, plus.google.com