Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

March Sadness: Georgetown Edition

As the real March Madness came to an end, we here at 4E decided to give some ~content~ to all of Hoya Nation who had to sit through another NCAA Tournament without a team to root for.

We all have places on campus where we like to be sad. Whether it’s public, private, has beautiful views, reinforces the stresses of everyday life, allows you to forget about your issues or just involves you staring at your pillow, we all can root for our spots in the first annual March Sadness Bracket Challenge: the end-of-season tournament to determine where exactly is the best place to be sad on campus.

Some Notes

Dahlgren Chapel – Dahlgren is a heavy hitter in terms of sadness. I talked to some of my friends about this one, and they singled out something called “Catholic Guilt.” Since I’m Jewish, I don’t really know what that is. However, I would be super sad if I had to tell someone all of my sins every week because there must be SO many. I am, as they say, a sinner. I don’t exactly know what’s considered a sin, but I feel like I commit at least seven of them every time I watch an episode of “Storage Wars: Texas.”

My Bed – My bed is a great place to think about all the times that my friends have abandoned me (looking at you, Mark) and my family has shown little regard for my feelings. It’s great because if you squeeze the pillow really tight, you actually can’t hear any of the sounds of the cruel outside world.

Back of ICC 214 – The back-left desk of ICC 214 is a great place to be sad. This one is especially true when you get back your chem midterm and it’s not what you expected, even though you studied really hard and answered all the questions coherently but your TA really screwed you and must hate you because of that one time she said liked your sweater and you didn’t understand what she was saying at first so you just kept walking. Maybe this is more of a me problem.

Gaston Hall – Gaston has great acoustics for not only a cappella concerts and Rangila, but also for crying. If you really want to hear yourself cry (that is, bellow all of the half notes and pitch changes of your sobbing), there’s no place like Gaston to sit and bawl.

Yates Steps – Sometimes I like to pretend I’m going to Yates and start to walk up the steps, then I realize the steepness makes those steps really hard to ascend. Naturally, I just turn around most of the time. But that makes me extra sad because not only am I skipping Yates because I’m lazy, but I’m also physically incapable of exerting the necessary amount of energy that will allow me to even start working out. In the end I just cry, which one could argue is a form of exercise for your eyelids.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, capitolhillhotel-dc.com

Your Best Friends at Georgetown

Banner - FriendsWe’ve all heard of the “Georgetown Stereotype.” I’m not so sure there’s only one. I present to you some of the many characters of Georgetown:

The SWUG (Senior Washed-Up Girl) In Training:
No stranger to The Tombs, she can recite the nightly specials by heart. Does she even know that the 99 Days Club is only for seniors? Evidently not. While apathetic to dressing up and personal hygiene, she’s taken up a new interest in wine tasting (which she does on her Village A couch). This girl reminds us that you don’t have to be a senior to be a SWUG.

 

The Girl Who’s Never NSOver It:
A double legacy, Jane Hoya eats, sleeps, and breaths Georgetown. Don’t be surprised to see a “1789” tattoo on her side. When you go to her pregame, expect to play icebreaker drinking games ~but only if you’re over 21 and in a building which permits alcohol consumption~. She’ll surely facilitate healthy dialogue, reminding you that not all Hoyas drink, and that those who do, do so responsibly. If you get lucky, she’ll even show you how she NSOs.

 

The Startup Guru:
After securing a modest 50k from family and friends, he dropped out of Georgetown to pursue his startup. He swears he’s going to be a billionaire by 25 and land a spot on Forbes’ “30 Under 30.” What does his startup do? No one really knows. He’ll probably be back next semester.
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The MSBro:
President of SigEp, working in finance, he’ll say he didn’t even buy the textbook and then skew the class curve by getting a 100. This guy must secretly hit up Lau when no one’s around. But you just saw him at Chi-Di last night, and at Tombs the night before. Work hard play hard, right?

 

The Facebook Activist:
Having watched “Veducated” on Netflix, she’s a dedicated vegan of two weeks and determined to spread awareness about her cause. Apparently sharing socially-oriented articles constitutes real activism these days. She’ll send you multiple invites to local protests, which she probably doesn’t attend. This obsession will last for a month until she watches “Blackfish” and becomes determined to save Seaworld’s marine mammals from her MacBook Air.

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The Pre-President:
He introduces himself as future “President of the United States” as he aggressively shakes your hand with a forced wide smile. When he enters a room, he nods and points into the distance, acknowledging his many friends, and then waves in the opposite direction. Sometimes you wonder if he is even waving at anyone or just wants to keep up appearances.

6359508762447024771364542127_trump OK

The (Practically) Engaged Couple:
Liz and Ben have been dating ever since they met the during the first day of their pre-orientation program. Still going strong, they’ve reserved a spot for their wedding at Dahlgren Chapel (because you HAVE to do so years in advance). Last week, they posted the cutest couple photos at the Cherry Blossoms and hold hands whenever they walk around campus. They are going to be together forever and ever, and ever, and ev… wait. Ben just DFMOed with Sarah at ChiDi when Liz was at an internship interview in New York? Yeah, I take back what I said. Oh well. #Younglove

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, dailymotion.com, bestdelegate.com

 

My Easter in Selfies

isanybunnyhomeAs we all come back to campus from Easter break, I’m sure everyone will have plenty of stories to tell about all the cool things they did and the fun they had. However, some of us (myself included) opted to stay on campus for the weekend rather than go home. Why, you might ask? I asked myself that every day for the five-day break. So for those of you who were off enjoying home-cooked meals, dyeing eggs and taking advantage of the warm weather, I thought I’d provide a little insight into how the other half lives. We may have been all alone this week, without even Leo’s food to help drown our sorrows, but we did celebrate Easter in all its glory. And what better way to capture a super-fun solo Easter than cell phone self-portraits? So here, my friends, is a chronicle of my Easter break, in selfies.

Like all good breaks, I started off watching an abundance of Netflix:

IMG_1368 Don’t pretend to judge me. I know you were catching up on all of your shows this week too, only I didn’t have my parents around to nag me about being so lazy. I was also given Easter candy by my parents: IMG_1348 … which I proceeded to shove in my face. Again, I know you all did this too. Don’t pretend you don’t love eating those chocolate bunnies and pink Peeps. IMG_1346 I got a visit from the Easter Bunny!! IMG_1351 And yes, I just happened to be in a CVS at the time. … The Easter Bunny also left me eggs in surprising places: IMG_1369 Only the eggs I hid for myself weren’t dyed because I have no food dye … and I may have stolen this egg from my common room. Later, I ate a hearty Easter brunch: IMG_1366 My meals this week consisted of peanut butter, apples, peanut butter, bananas, peanut butter and, you guessed it, peanut butter. With Leo’s and the Corp closed, my meager sustenance came from previous Grab-and-Go swipes. On Sunday I went to church: IMG_1364 (1) OK, fine, that’s a lie — I took a selfie outside Dahlgren. But I did think about going to church … and that’s got to count for something, right? All in all, my week consisted mostly of naps, Netflix and no one to share in the Easter spirit. After being abandoned on campus for five days, I can’t wait for class to start again (just kidding). But seriously, I’m definitely going home for break next year. IMG_1367Alright, I may have exaggerated a little. Georgetown wasn’t really a desolate ghost town. Although there weren’t many students around, there were plenty of adults and prospective students who gave me weird looks as I took selfies around campus.

Photos: Sydney Bolling/The Hoya

The Top 12 Things We Love About Jack

As the saying goes, “all good things must come to an end.” This week, we’ve said goodbye to our friends (read: mortal enemies) at Syracuse, the old 4E layout, and the box-eating days of our beloved mascot, Jack the Bulldog. Since Jack is retiring, we wanted to look back and admire some of his greatest moments. Here are The Top 12 Things We Love About Jack:

12. He loves to sit out and do his reading on Healy Lawn, just like us.

jackbooks

11. He always practices good hygeine.

jack-the-bulldog1

10. He proves that horizontal stripes can be flattering.

bulldog_jack

9. He’s the perfect role model for JJ.

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8. He promotes a healthy and active lifestyle (especially for Father Steck)!

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7. Despite his wise face, he was a puppy once!

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6. He always makes time to hang out with his friends.

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5. He even loves hanging out with himself (in a totally non-egocentric way).

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4. He loves reading AND cura personalis!

JacktheBulldogP_13. He’s already fulfilled the GU tradition of swimming in Dahlgren Fountain.

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2. He once made this face. But most importantly…Screen-shot-2010-01-05-at-3.29.22-PM1. We could always count on him to eat that box.jack2

We love you Jack! Happy retirement!

Photos: Georgetown University, Vox Populi, MSN

Mardi Gras: D.C. is your New Orleans

Today is Fat Tuesday, which means it’s also Mardi Gras. It is a day for your glutinous habits to win over before the Lent season begins. While Georgetown is certainly no New Orleans, we still expect to see beads, masks, and lots of purple and green. D.C. is here to help you to celebrate the day with several Mardi Gras events.

  • Clarendon-Courthouse Mardi Gras Parade: The parade starts at 8 p.m. and runs along Wilson Boulevard. It is the 15th consecutive year for this parade, which showcases more than 40 regional groups. It will be filled with music, floats, fire trucks, and best of all, 25 cases of Mardi Gras beads. Catch a necklace and you will have good luck for the year. Anyone can go, and it is free!
  • Annual Bourbon Street Bash: If you’re looking for live music and authentic New Orleans cuisine, this is the event for you. It lasts from 4 p.m. until midnight, and is $5 at the door. Listen to some New Orleans musical favorites, and receive beads and masks at the door. The event is at Rumors (19th & M St. NW).
  • Pancake Races: The National Cathedral is celebrating this final day before Lent with Mardi Gras pancake races following Tuesday’s noon Eucharist. All are welcome to come and compete on the west front grounds of the Cathedral. The grand prize will be the Golden Skillet.
  • Ash Wednesday: Once your day of celebration is over, all Catholics can attend mass at Dahlgren Chapel on Wednesday. Mass times include 8 am, 12:10 pm, 5 pm, 7:30 pm, 9:30 pm, and 11 pm. Take an hour out of your day to honor the start of Lent.