Deadliest Places on Campus: A PSA

It is a well-known fact that Georgetown is fraught with traps. Like the city that houses it, the Hilltop was designed to confuse invading armies — a common occurrence for this hallowed fortress.*

Besides the winding streets and myriad hidden halls (Robert E. Lee’s army was actually trapped trying to find a Vil B apartment), the earth itself works to wear down unfamiliar intruders and carefree visitors.

So, whether you attend Georgetown or are just dropping by, here are the deadliest places to walk on campus — these were definitely designed to maim the enemies of the Hilltop and are not just a damning reflection of Georgetown’s crippled facilities management (@JohnJDeGioia).

*The author would like to note that this information is NOT fact-checked.

The Red Brick Ruins

In the Golden Age of Georgetown, just five years hence, when giants dominated the Verizon Center and people feared the yell of “Hoya Saxa,” the ICC was a bustling center of commerce. Merchants from all across the District would flock to show off their finest wares.*

Ever since the dark reign of Julius Tyrannicus the Third (often shortened to JT3), the famed Red Square fell into ruin. Where once marketgoers could barter and feast with nary a worry, citizens must now navigate pockets of missing bricks (see below) and the occasional puddle after a strong storm.

Worse still, there’s now some weird archaeological dig taking place on Copley Lawn, not only releasing some kind of curse but also keeping students from relaxing on that verdant green.

We live in hope of a new age under King Patrick.

*The author would again like to note that this information is based on legends told to him by upperclassmen.

The Henle Crevasse

As a resident of Georgetown’s highest peak (s/o to all my Darnall babes), I am inclined to find all possible entrances to my home that avoid the infamous hill.

Upon my arrival, rumors circulated of a “secret stair” that cut through Henle and circumvented the long path to Darnall, along with the staircase that waits at the very end. I committed myself to uncover Henle’s “Northwest Passage.”

One day, on a night journey back from Healy, there lay a crossroads in my path. Right past Arrupe, there stands a gradually sloping stair that leads into Henle. Ascending the staircase, I ended up in a common outdoor area filled with terrors: An unnecessarily large cutout of Ronald Reagan, a peeking Guy Fieri and some dude smoking a cigarette surrounded me.

I ran up another set of dark stairs in a flight of fright, which led to yet another fork in the road. A path led deeper into Henle, arriving at a pitch-black tunnel. Seeing the side entrance to Darnall through the darkness, I sprinted through…

And caught my foot on this deathtrap:

The Slopes of Darnall

Alternatively, if you’re not out of shape or lazy like me, you could just go up the hill that leads straight to Epi.

But beware, traveller, for this path is still full of dangers!

Approaching the construction site, the air grows dustier, the atmosphere louder. Most terrifyingly, the path grows narrower — just a yard across. Bikes, scooters and a-holes with umbrellas will often rush past you in a series of near misses.

It is also on this path that people don’t know how to walk single file. That makes this 10 times worse:

This little monster (now covered) will catch your foot if you’re not careful. The unexpected drop really does a number on your ankle — and your attitude.

The Uneven Path to O’Donovan Hall

Below the looming shadow of Southwest Quad lies another three-footwide path of poor design. While the sidewalk on the other side of the road near VCW is much larger and better paved, it requires crossing a street with an oddly large amount of traffic.

The risk of the walk below McCarthy is rewarded by a straight-shot to Leo’s.

On the ends, however, lie two deadly snares that could really ruin your day. At the corner, the entire right side of the sidewalk near the bushes is uneven. Because of the uniform texture and color, this slope is barely noticeable.

A similar slope lies near the bench at the end of the walk.

Worst of all, this trouble leads to the greatest deception of them all: that anything in upstairs Leo’s is worth waiting for.*

*The author would like to note that he absolutely stands by this opinion and literally high-fived himself while writing that joke.

The Three Circles of He(a)ll(y)

The Devil’s Three Eyes. The Claws of Copley. DeGioia’s Teeth.

There are three pits at the very outset of the grand road to Lau, where the trash cans are and where there always seems to be some kind of delivery truck.

These holes used to be the base of three poles, which closed off the path for bikes, trucks and scooters. Now, they are simply a death trap for bikes, scooters and pedestrians.

To the unwary eye, these death pits could ruin your foot, your tire or your dignity. Of all the aforementioned traps, these are definitely the greatest existential threat to every single Hoya that goes to Lau.

Mr. DeGioia, fill in these holes.

Coda

Maybe I’m clumsy. Maybe my vision is bad. Maybe I walk like a newborn child.

OR maybe, I’m a victim of an obviously deteriorating campus.

I get it: The wonderful people at facilities have more important stuff to do like constantly fixing leaks, floods, black mold breakouts and bathroom lock-INS. BUT even covering it up with a wooden board — like how Adam Sandler covered up Cole Sprouse’s pee in “Big Daddy” — is better than letting people trip.

 

All gifs from giphy.com

Halloween Costumes for Hoyas From Every School

Fellow Hoyas, prepare yourselves. Spooky szn is descending upon us — and no, I’m not referring to the sudden ubiquity of dead rodents on campus.

That’s right: It’s almost Halloween, and if you’re not interested in frantically scouring the clearance bins of every store on M Street the day before ~Halloweekend~ begins, it’s time to start thinking. Luckily, you have us lovely folks at 4E here to guide you in picking the right costume to impress that cutie from “Problem of God.”

1. For the MSBro:

You’ve been wearing stiff suits every day, Birding from your dorm to the MSB to recruitment events and investment banking job interviews like a maniac. It’s time to let loose, Brad! Shed that Brooks Brothers jacket, kick off your Gucci loafers and go a little crazy. Hugh Hefner is the perfect costume for you this Halloween — comfortable and relaxed, but still on brand.

image
This could be you, Chad!

What you’ll need for this costume: A silk robe and preferably some gray hair spray. The pipe optional, but respect that Hugh would never Juul.

2. For the NHS-er:

THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE, NHS. You have the one thing no other school at Georgetown has: scrubs. Go as your favorite “Grey’s Anatomy” character — AKA literally anyone but Izzie — and carry around some lollipops for bonus points. Just be careful not to be too convincing in your costume, or you’ll become the de facto GERMS dispatcher of the night, holding back your friends’ hair near the bushes of Henle Village.

You, breaking it down at the Henle in total and complete comfort as all your friends complain about their costumes being uncomfortable.
When your friend slips on some soda and thinks they broke their ankle, you can put those freshman bio class #skillz to use and tell them to rally!

What you’ll need: scrubs, maybe some lollipops and your charming self.

3. For the SFS-er:

You need the world to know both that you’re in the SFS and that you are ~politically conscious.~ You don’t just get CNN notifications on your phone — you listen to podcasts and read think-pieces as you run from “Map of the Modern World” to “I-Trade” (both of which are SFS core requirements, which the SFS has a lot of, which you have to take because you’re…in the SFS). That’s why for Halloween you should go as the anonymous New York Times Trump op-ed! Intelligence and worldliness with a little bit of ~mystery~ is what you’re all about, and this is the perfect costume to show the world what ya got — and leave them wanting more.

That's REALLY reaching! Online retailer Yandy is selling a 'sexy anonymous op-ed' costume

What you’ll need: This costume exactly (and for people to know you’re in the SFS. That’s the Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service, or SFS for short).

4. The College Kid:

While all your friends in other schools at Georgetown talk about their focus and their requirements and how their school is ~different,~ you have opted for a liberal arts education and greater breadth of majors/paths of study. You can’t be put in a box. Some might even say you … Can’t Be Tamed.

To capture the true variety of the College, grab a few pals from the largest of the undergraduate schools here on the Hilltop, and go as Miley Cyrus through the ages. The theater kid can embrace Miley’s performative versatility and go as Hannah Montana, while your JUPS major friend can be this new hippie Miley who meditates and enjoys her ~greens.~ There’s something for everyone!

What you’ll need: A few friends, some bleach to dye your hair and a readiness to stick your tongue out in every picture.

With these suggestions in mind, go forth and conquer those pre-Halloween costume-picking scaries! And if you’re really pressed and need a scary costume ASAP, write “70k” on a shirt and go as the scariest thing of them all: our tuition. Happy Hoya-ween!

Sources: giphy.com, esquire.com, dailymail.co.uk, savers.com

10 Reasons You Should Buy Basketball Season Tickets

Many years ago, the mere thought of writing this article would have been absurd. There was once a time when school spirit was high, lottery picks roamed the Hilltop and students needed no convincing when it came time to buy basketball season tickets. But that was a lifetime ago.*

*I’m actually referring to as recently as 2013. You read that right. Just five years ago, Georgetown basketball finished first in the Big East, was ranked as high as fifth in the AP Poll and star guard Otto Porter was selected third in the NBA draft. Everyone needs to calm down (looking at you, @EveryAlumnusWhoGraduatedInThe1980s). We’re going to be fine.

But I digress. We are gathered here today to discuss the current state of Georgetown basketball as it exists in 2018. And I’m here to tell you why — despite what you may have heard from disgruntled seniors — buying season tickets is well worth the money.

So here we go:

1. Celebrities

I’ll admit it: I spend far more time scrolling through Daily Mail Online than I do reading The New York Times. And based on how many of you waited in line for hours to see Bradley Cooper speak in Gaston Hall, I’m guessing you’re just as obsessed with celebrities as I am.

So, even if you couldn’t care less about basketball and will spend the entire game staring at your Instagram feed instead of glancing at the court, you should still buy tickets. Why? It’s simple: Famous people might show up.

Don’t believe me? See below:

Former President Barack Obama sitting courtside, cheering on the Hoyas with that guy from the memes.
Obama thanking loyal fans who bought season tickets.

 

The dad from “Are We There Yet?” AND the second-best detective from “Law and Order: SVU”

 

Mr. Hailey Baldwin

Think of how it will feel being left out when all your friends start sharing those coveted Obama selfies on Insta.

2. Less Time On Campus

Literally any day I do not have to spend stuck on this moldy, rat-infested, construction-filled campus is a day well-spent. I say this out of love, but also, please do something, @JohnJDeGioia; none of the sinks work, and the buildings are literally infested with living snakes. Search @georgetown.hotmess on Instagram for specifics. The Verizon Center Capital One Arena is nice and does not use tulips to cover its glaring problems.

3. Heyyyyyyy Baby

Even during the worst losses, the pep band plays that song that goes “Heyyyyyyyy-yyyy Baby, I wanna knoooooooow if you’ll be my girl (*dun dun dun dun*)” and everybody sings and sort of dances along to it. It’s really fun and a nice break from the routine of “Mr. Brightside.” Also, if you don’t know what song I’m talking about, just sing the words I wrote and Shazam it.

4. Beer

 In the recent, infamous words of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named AKA Less Attractive Matt Damon AKA Are You Kidding Me @Joe Manchin: “I liked beer, I still like beer.” Capital One Arena has beer.

Disclaimer: Students must be 21 or older to drink aforementioned beer.

5. Chick-Fil-A

Chick-Fil-A is available at the games, and it’s honestly faster to Uber over to the arena, order and eat your meal than it is to wait in line at the Leavey Center location.

6. Slam Dunk

Have you ever seen somebody dunk a basketball in person? It is so cool. How do they jump so high? And make the ball go in the basket while jumping? This alone is worth the price of admission. Mac McClung, do us proud this year. Also, if you’re reading this, follow me back on Instagram.

7. The Memes

When the meme page was first born way back in the early days of 2017, the memes almost exclusively referenced a man they called “JT3”. And it was these very memes that single-handedly ended JT3’s reign and brought St. Patrick into our lives.

For you youngsters out there, this was a dark time, but an important one nonetheless. Those who do not remember history are doomed to repeat it. You must go to the games so that you can recognize the warning signs. If things ever get that bad again, it is your responsibility to make the next generation of memes. The fate of the Hilltop depends on it.

8. The Capitals

Fun fact: Capital One Arena is also home to the current Stanley Cup champions, the Washington Capitals! For the unfamiliar, the Capitals are the hockey team that locals pretend to like because all the other D.C. sports teams are bad. Also, their team captain partied at the Georgetown waterfront with the cup this summer and then jumped in the fountain. Based on the Snapchats I saw, it looked pretty fun. So maybe he’ll show up to one of our games! Fun!

9. Alumni

Most of the fans at these games are alumni over the age of 40 who are eager to loudly remind you that school spirit “isn’t what it used to be” (and also that there was once “a pub in the basement of Healy.” Seriously, they will talk about that damn pub for hours if you don’t stop them. Like, there is no way it was that fun.)

Now I know “irate Hoya baby boomers” might not sound like a recipe for a good time, but think of it in terms of networking. It’s simple. These people love Georgetown basketball, and they’ll love you too if you tell them that you also love Georgetown basketball (see: the Transitive Property of Hoya Saxa). Get them reminiscing about the good ol’ days for five minutes in the popcorn line and the next thing you know, boom: You’ve somehow secured that elusive Goldman internship. All you MSBros do not want to miss this opportunity.

10. Me

Listen up: This is my senior year, and I do not want to spend the remainder of my glory days sitting in a mostly empty arena on a Tuesday night. These memories have to get me through the rest of what will probably be a pretty boring life, so they better be good. Just buy tickets, show up to the games, get some beer, cheer and make the most of it.

Go get your tickets at wearegeorgetown.com

Hoya Saxa.

Disclaimer: Patrick Ewing is NOT paying me to write this article, but if you’re reading this, Coach Ewing, can you please grant me access to the Thompson Center in exchange for this free publicity??  I won’t even use any of the equipment, I just want to get a cool pic for my Insta story so I can lord it over the peasants at Yates. Email 4E if this is cool.

Sources: giphy.com, pinterest.com, genius.com, sbnation.com, fansided.com, facebook.com

Wasting Money 101

We’re already a month into the school year, and I still only own one notebook and one pencil, so we’re off to a strong start :’)

Clearly, organization, planning and most other life skills may not be my strong suit, but there is something I’m good at: procrastinating. And what is my favorite form of procrastination? Wasting money on things I most definitely don’t need — ironically, I refuse to spend a single cent on any new school supplies.

While there are already many blog posts out there about saving money or offering ideas on creating a realistic budget, there aren’t a lot for once you’ve already accepted you don’t have the self-control for financial planning.

So, if you’re like me and also a lost cause when it comes to saving your hard-earned money, I’ve created an “anti-budget” of some of the ways and places I most frequently waste mine:

1. Uber

I  realize Ubers are necessary for many people and sometimes they are for me too. I take them to my job, to the airport, and to many other places where I actually need to be in a timely fashion. However, I also use them to go to IHOP at 2 a.m. or to pick me up on M Street when it’s starting to rain and I don’t want to walk back to campus. Basically, I’m lazy, and Uber now has a lot of my money. I haven’t yet gotten to the point of ordering them just to drive around for fun, but I’m rapidly approaching this rock bottom.

2. Saxby’s

I am not exaggerating when I say I think a solid quarter of my life savings has gone to Saxby’s. Here’s the situation: I’ve been drinking coffee since I was about 3 years old — really not sure why my parents not only allowed this, but also encouraged it. So, yes, I am addicted to coffee (thanks, Mom and Dad) but do I need to be spending $10 plus my firstborn child on it ? No. Do I anyway? Absolutely. I have so many regrets.

Actual budgeting advice: If you weren’t aware, Saxby’s does free refills if you stay and do work there.

3. On-Campus Vending Machines

The thing about vending machines is that you don’t feel like you’re spending a lot of money, but when you buy Smart Food at 3 a.m. in Lau for months on end, that $1.75 really adds up. I would recommend this tactic for a mostly guilt-free way to waste money — until you check your banking account and realize your grave miscalculation.

4. Any Corp Location

To put it simply, everything at The Corp is overpriced, but I love snacks. Sometimes I just really need a family-sized bag of barbecue chips at 11 p.m., and by sometimes, I mean approximately once a week. People say that The Corp is going under, but I mathematically don’t know how that’s possible considering how much they charge for a bag of chips. What are they doing with all my money??

5. Opera

If you don’t yet know what it is, do not find out. Going to opera is the equivalent of setting $20 on fire. If you want to pay someone to have a bad time, this one’s for you.

6. Online Shopping

I’m going to end with a classic — online shopping. It starts with “I’m going to browse,” and that turns into “I’m just going to add some stuff to my cart.” Then you black out and realize that you just put in your credit card information and bought three almost identical turtlenecks because you couldn’t decide, and all of them were on sale, so it had to be a good deal, right?

I’m hoping this list will give me a wake-up call for my irresponsible spending habits. (It probably won’t.) Please feel free to judge me and the way I handle money, but if you decide to take any of my suggestions, I will not judge you.

Sources: https://giphy.com, pinterest.com

Midterm Szn: Sophomore Year Edition

It’s sophomore year, ladies and gentlemen, which means we’re all ~experienced~ and can now look down on the lowly freshmen who walk the dreaded path to Darnall Hall. But besides the slightly upgraded situation — minus all the rats that bless our apartments, dorms and townhouses (#stayclassygtown) — all of us have really grown as individuals, haven’t we? I mean, new semester, new us, right?

Lo and behold, midterm season is upon us right in the midst of rejections from clubs, jobs and whatever else we pre-professional Hoyas dream of attaining.

As sophomores, we’ve moved on from competing to get into the most exclusive clubs (not really though) and comparing midterm grades (eh, have we really?). Instead, we’ve moved onto bigger, better and brighter things: jobs and internships.

So, here it is dear Hoyas: the types of people during midterm #szn, sophomore year edition.

1. The Bragger

This person constantly notes how many classes they’re taking on top of their internship for the Department of Justice, some fancy senator or the White House.  And SOMEHOW they will find a way to sneak their GPA into the discussion.

Here’s an example: “The weather is beautiful today. Almost as beautiful as opening MyAccess and seeing that stunning 3.9 GPA.” Did I ask for your resume? No. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize me saying “excuse me” to grab a pack of gummy bears was the green light for you to tell me that, on top of your 10 classes that are all 6 credits and your ~amazing, pre-professional~ internship, you have four midterms Thursday. Seriously. I just want my gummy bears.

2. The Coffee Addict

To be honest, I’m almost positive I spent my life savings at Midnight Mug the night I was cooped up in a Lau 2 study room for nine hours. To the people on shift that night, I truly apologize. If you had to make a non-fat large chai latte, chances are, it was mine. Much love to everyone at Midnight.

That confession aside, we should come clean: All of us have been this person. I think we can all come to the general consensus that a diet solely consisting of coffee, more coffee and the occasional chocolate-covered coffee beans is most certainly not a sustainable way of living. Hoyas, if you ever get to the point where it takes you five espresso shots for your soul to even feel mildly stimulated,  please…I don’t even know. Self-care, self-love. Remember we’re trying to ~thrive~ not just survive.

3. The Zombie

I just don’t understand…like, what?? How can someone pull consecutive all-nighters and still function like a normal human being, or at least some semblance of one. Honey, seriously, I know the chairs on Lau 2 can seem really comfortable if it’s 5 a.m., but please go back to your bed and sleep there.

On the note of sleep deprivation, let’s talk about eye bags. Well, it’s a look for sure. Moral of the story: Get on that healthy #Hoya sleep schedule with an average of 4.5 hours a night.*

*Don’t come for me if that statistic is wrong pls. It’s really a guesstimate. Thx.

Well, there you have it. Happy midterm #szn, Hoyas. If your intense course load and grueling internships don’t break you, lack of sleep will! Such exciting prospects. We at 4E sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com

Mr. Georgetown 2018 Preview

Homecoming weekend means one thing: Mr. Georgetown is back! You probably weren’t fast enough to score tickets to the ~hottest~ event of the year, but luckily you can still learn a little bit more about the best that Georgetown has to offer. We sat down with the contestants to give you an exclusive sneak peak of Mr. Georgetown 2018.


Ryan Yoch- Mr. Hoya Blue

Hometown: Twin Cities, Minn.

School: College

Major: Government, Minor: Arabic and Business Administration

What do you love the most about Hoya Blue?

The moment when you lose yourself in a sporting event, where everything else in the entire world ceases to exist and all you can watch is that shot, that play, and all you want is for it to go in — it’s the greatest feeling in the world. You get addicted to it.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

I’ve got to rep Hoya Blue: Allen Iverson.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My deep, gravelly Hoya Blue voice that I bring out for sporting events. (Editor’s Note: Ryan demonstrated this voice for me and it was pretty impressive).

Jorge DeNeve- Mr. The Voice

Hometown: Los Angeles, Calif.

School: College

Major: Math and Economics

What do love the most about The Voice?

If you’re really passionate about writing and if you enjoy it, those are the people that are going to stick around. As we continue to bring in more people who are like-minded in terms of their enthusiasm, people really put their heart and soul into the organization. I really enjoy the dedication and camaraderie we all have.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

Shaw Field. I’ve covered women’s soccer for two years and I have a spot in the middle of the bleachers, fourth row, right behind the coach. Watching them make their run to the Final Four in 2016 and in the Big East Tournament last year was a lot of fun. I’ll always associate that spot with good memories.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I play soccer. My right foot.

JD Donohue- Mr. Superfood

Hometown: Spring Lake, N.J.

School: MSB

Major: OPIM, Minor: Government

What do you love the most about Superfood?

It’s an outlet for creativity. Especially when you’re 21 and the world is starting to get serious, you can go joke around and sing for a few hours a week. And the people. When I went abroad, the people I missed the most were all in Superfood.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

For famous alum, Bradley Cooper. But I also want to shout out to my friend Christy, who is coming to Mr. Georgetown. We met in Superfood when I was a freshman and she was a senior and we were immediate soul friends.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

The HFSC (Editor’s Note: JD thinks saying “Heal Fam Stu Cen” is “cumbersome”).

William Morris- Mr. NSO

Hometown: Dallas, Texas

School: College

Major: American Studies and Government, Minor: Theology

What do you love the most about NSO?

I love how we have the opportunity to welcome students and their families to Georgetown. We have the chance to be their first impression of their time on the Hilltop and we can help set them up for success.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

The deck on the seventh floor of Arrupe. Incredible view of campus and D.C.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My dazzling smile.

Jose Villalobos Gonzalez- Mr. Ritmo y Sabor

Hometown: Mexico City, Mexico

School: SFS

Major: STIA,  with a concentration in international development

What do you love the most about Ritmo y Sabor?

It feels like a little bit of home. Being in a foreign country where the culture is so different from Latin America, it’s really nice having a place where you can joke around about familiar things and share a little bit of your culture. Whenever we perform, we try to impress the sense that it’s more than just a flashy dance and is actually a part of a larger culture.

What is your favorite meme in the meme page?

The one about how you describe working at the RHO on your resume.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My eyebrows.

Micheal Whittington- Mr. GU Women of Color

Hometown: Trenton, N.J.

School: College

Major: Biochemistry, Minor: Japanese

What do you love the most about GU Women of Color?

For me, it’s the executive board. A lot of them are my close friends and they are all so intelligent, so articulate and so go-and-get-after-it. It’s really awe-inspiring to watch.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

I don’t have a singular favorite, but anything involving John Degioia’s face.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My smile.

Michael Chanen- Mr. GERMS

Hometown: Seattle, Wash.

School: College

Major: Physics

What do you love most about GERMS?

There are a lot of integrative aspects that are similar to the field of study that I want to pursue. Being able to interact with patients and feel like I’m providing a substantive good to my community is a really cool part of GERMS that I don’t think I would get elsewhere.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Jenny Frankie. She graduated last year. She is a really lovely and sweet individual who makes me happy whenever I talk to her.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

Lau 2. I spend so much time there — I spent more time there sophomore year studying for Organic Chemisty than I did in my own room. There are so many friends I’ve met on Lau 2 and I have a lot of sentimental memories there. It’s awful and hideous, but if I were in some other, nice library, I would spend all my time looking around and wouldn’t get my work done.

Marcos Morales- Mr. GIVES

Hometown: Santa Barbara, Calif.

School: MSB

Major: Marketing and Management

What do you love about GIVES?

The people. They’re some of the nicest and kindest people that I’ve met here at Georgetown and they make you happy to be around them

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

The one where the honor council plagiarized the email warning us not to plagiarize. 

What is your most beautiful feature? 

My eyebrows. I’ve been told I have very thick eyebrows and I take that as a compliment.

Jeremy Canfield- Mr. Running Club

Hometown: Shrewsbury, Mass.

School: College

Major: Physics and Math

What do you love the most about the running club?

It’s open to everyone. A lot of people hear running club and their immediate thought is that they might not be fast enough, but speaking from personal experience, there really is no “level” needed to be in running club. So you get a very wide and diverse group of people. They really represent the university well and I’ve met all of my best friends through it.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

My former roommate Cameron. He graduated last year and is one of my best friends. He’s already doing great things. He’ll be going to Papua New Guinea for his job soon and I’m really proud of the work he’s doing.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I love my hair. It’s a pretty rare color and I think I’ve found a good style for it.

Jake Moran- Mr. Club Swimming

Hometown: Wayne, Pa.

School: SFS

Major: International Political Economy

What do you love the most about club swimming?

The team spirit, the camaraderie and the friends I’ve made here. I’ve found a home doing something I love and I got to resurrect my swimming career after high school.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

My mother because she inspires me.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

The meme about the fire alarms in the Southwest Quad and how all the fathers are going to sue.

Will Glynn- Mr. Ultimate Frisbee

Hometown: Wilton, Conn.

School: College

Major: Government and Economics

What do you love the most about ultimate frisbee?

The community. It’s where I found my place at Georgetown. Even if you’re not super athletically inclined, you can find a place. The people involved are wonderful and really enjoy welcoming newcomers.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Patrick Seaman, the former president of our club.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My personality.

Luis Montoya- Mr. College Academic Council

Hometown: Whitney, Texas

School: College

Major: Biology, Minor: Chemistry

What do you love the most about the College Academic Council?

I love that we serve as a liaison between the students and the deans. We provide a way for the student body to share their thoughts and ideas with deans. As a science major (on a campus that can seem full of government majors), it’s really important to me to have that representation and make sure that all voices are heard.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Bradley Cooper.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My teeth or my personality.

Brendan Stelmach- Mr. International Relations Club

Hometown: Chicago, Ill.

School: SFS

Major: International Politics

What do you love the most about the International Relations Club?

What I love the most is the ability to travel. Through the club I’ve gone to New York, Boston, Montreal and Panama City. I love the ability to act on the international part and gain new experiences.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Jack Ludtke. He graduated two years ago. I’m actually succeeding him as Mr. IRC. His talent was doing a PowerPoint presentation and while he didn’t win, he was probably the nicest guy I’ve met at Georgetown.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

I actually submitted one once. It’s the pregame in New South starter pack.

Sagar Anne- Mr. The Hoya

Hometown: Hong Kong

School: MSB

Major: Finance, Minor: Math

What do you love the most about The Hoya?

The people. We have a great culture.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Patrick Ewing.

What is your most beautiful feature?

Definitely my hair.

 

Not Pictured But Participating: Alex Coopersmith (Mr. Jewish Student Alliance), Harry Clow (Mr. GUGS) and JJ Larkins (Mr. Jawani).

 

We’ll see you all in Gaston Hall on Friday Night! May the best Hoya win!

 

A Guide to Move-Out Day

You are DONE. Finally. This finals season was the worst one in recent memory, but don’t get too comfortable just yet: You still have Move-Out Day. Though not quite as bad as the infamous Move-In Day, it’s still pretty unpleasant. So whether you’re bidding farewell to Harbin or Henle, 4E has got you covered with a step-by-step guide on what to do to make moving out a little less stressful.

1. Hide the Evidence

We know it’s been a while since you’ve interacted with them, but remember, your parents still think you go to Dahlgren Chapel on Sundays — and I am willing to bet that the current state of your room does not lend much support to that idea. So, before your beloved mom and/or dad show up to kindly help you move out, be sure to dispose of all remaining alcohol containers, “controversial” posters and anything you may have acquired from the H*yas for Choice table throughout the year. Move-Out Day is stressful enough as is; don’t make it any worse by having to awkwardly explain to your parents what a “Juul” is and why you currently have one sitting on your desk.

2. Attempt to Clean

Look around: You’ve been living in a literal cesspool for months. Forget romaine lettuce; it’s honestly a miracle that this place didn’t kill you. Every surface is inexplicably sticky. Your floor is covered in crushed Utz chips, empty Chick-Fil-A sauce cups and the remains of that Wingo’s order you dropped on Georgetown Day. At some point during the year, your trashcan became an amorphous “trash corner,” and now you’re really paying the price. Grab some Lysol wipes, rent a vacuum from the nearest RHO and get to work. We all know it won’t really make that much of a difference, but we also know that University President John J. DeGioia isn’t going to spend any of his Tulip money on tackling the campus rodent problem this summer, so a few minutes of tidying up is the least you can do for the sake of next year’s residents.

3. “Pack”

By “pack,” we really mean lie down on your bed and scroll through Instagram while your roommate or mom does most of the work involved in actually packing. If you have a minute to spare between figuring out what’s been going on with the whole Khloe/Tristan situation and getting caught up on whatever that Walmart-yodeling kid is doing these days, you can maybe put some folders in a box or throw some clothes into a backpack. These damn millennials! Lol amirite @EveryoneOverTheAgeofForty?? #lol #juul #relatable #PleasePayMeToWriteAnOpEdAboutThisHipTopic

4. Stress-Cry and/or Get Into an Argument With Your Mom

This is inevitable. Tensions are running high. No one involved in this process is in a good state of mind. You’re exhausted from having to take that “Problem of God” final, and your mom is exhausted from having to put up with you for the past two decades. Something as simple as taking the sheets off your bed or looking for a missing shoe can quickly escalate into complete pandemonium. Godspeed.

5. Say Goodbye

Even though your living space was absolutely disgusting, and you spent the last two weeks exclusively stress-crying in this place, it’s still sad to look around and see it look so empty. You had some good times in [insert residence hall name here]. So, goodbye, rats! Goodbye, black mold! Goodbye, neighbors who blared their terrible “Mr. Brightside”-themed playlist on a never-ending loop for an entire semester. You will be missed.

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, housingwire.com

Blue and Gray, Please Be Honest

Nothing says spring on the Hilltop like being boxed into a corner by a tour group on your way to class.

In my experience, while college tours seem informative as a naive senior in high school, seeing them as an actual college student has given me a greater appreciation for the level of BS that every school is able to make up. In honor of this year’s GAAP weekends and possible future Hoyas, here’s a more honest look at Georgetown’s campus.

Get excited

First, there’s Dahlgren Quad, home of one of our beautiful chapels. Georgetown is a Jesuit university–but don’t worry, we tokenize every other religion to make up for it. Look up and you’ll see a clock with some handles. This is the last time you’ll ever hear about it. This is a step where a lot of Presidents have stood. Sorry, did I hear someone say Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill. Clinton.

Have you heard of him? His name is Bill Clinton, and he went to Georgetown. Bill Clinton.

If you’ll follow me, up next is the Village A rooftop, overlooking the scenic Rosslyn skyline. You won’t have a chance of getting an apartment here until you’re a junior, but you might as well live here the first month of your freshman year. I will clearly avoid mentioning the plethora of beer cans scattered on the ground, but we all see them.

So, we’re going to be entering the Healy Family Student Center, or as students call it, HFSC. This building was designed with a lot of student input. One thing we heard was that students needed a place to plug in all their devices, so it’s full of outlets that don’t work. We also incorporated new studies that showed that green space and natural light help students study, so this ivy is real. I know because one time I saw a rat jump out of it.

A similar situation may also be found on a Vil A rooftop

Now we’ll be passing Hilltoss, one of our Corp locations. The Corp is the largest student-run non-profit in the world, making $5 million each year (assuming they’re not bankrupt). Everyone from the CEO to the barista handing you your coffee is a student employee and will tell you about it every time you happen to even breathe their way.

Next we have our dining hall, Leo O’Donovan Hall. If you’d like to grab a few croissants after the tour from the lovely-but-somehow-consistently-dysfunctional Whisk, it will probably cost you upwards of tuition. Leo’s is also great because as a child I loved the movie Ratatouille, and Georgetown has allowed me to experience the live action version.

This is Red Square, where we have our farmers’ market every Wednesday when it’s warm out. It’s the only time you’ll feel joy on this campus.

An avocado, thankss!

Finally, as we enter Leavey we’ll be passing by the offices of GUASFCU, the most needless acronym ever created. The likelihood of both getting into Georgetown and GUAFSCU is less than getting struck by lightning while simultaneously winning the lottery. However, you have worse chances of getting into a club that just goes out to eat. If you love the Common App process, you’ll love Georgetown clubs.

That concludes our honest tour of Georgetown’s campus. Blue and Gray, feel free to incorporate any of this student-sourced information into a new and improved (more accurate) tour format for prospective Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, goldstar.com

The 5 Stages of Winter Break

1. Relief

You’re Finally Done. Thank God. You made it through an entire semester of Bib Lit without ever actually opening a bible. You recognized more than a generous 50%  of the words on your Spanish exam. Was your final CPS essay good? Not really, but you met the word count, submitted it on time, and most importantly, you’ll never have to talk to your unreliable graduate-student TA ever again! So say goodbye to that Lau cubicle, shove some random clothes and your Juul charger into a duffel bag, and call an Uber to Union Station: it’s officially ~break~.

You, waving goodbye to the poor souls who still have to take a Sociology final

2.  Relaxation

Showering without flip-flops in a bathroom without black mold? Eating a meal that doesn’t involve ramen noodles or flamin’ hot cheetos? Stepping outside and not being greeted by at least a dozen large rats? They should call you King Felipe VI of Spain (G ’95), ‘cause this Hoya is living like royalty. You never knew you would miss suburbia this much. No imminent deadlines, stolen  borrowed quizlets, or panic attacks induced by SaxaNet. You have all the time in the world to lounge around the house, send snapchats of your dog, and debate whether or not it’s still ok to binge watch House of Cards (Editor’s note: It’s not. Stick to Friends. David Schwimmer is our last hope).

Not proofreading that final BlackBoard submission like

3. Remembrance

You meet up with your high school squad at the local Applebee’s and reminisce about Gonzaga   Delbarton your totally unique alma mater. At the wise old age of 20, you fondly look back at the shenanigans of your youth. Remember when you prank called your Calculus teacher? Remember when you stole a beer from your dad’s fridge in the basement? Remember when you said you had “senioritis” but actually continued to try very hard in school because you wanted to go to Georgetown? Haha! Good Times! You weren’t lame at all!

The AP Bio reunion is finna be ~lit~

4. Regret

Ok, it’s been a week and you’ve realized why you were so eager to leave home in the first place. There are no Ubers or places that stay open past 10 pm here. Your parents have an incessant need know where you’re going, who you’re going with, and “is there going to be alcohol there?”. And when you do go out, you have to constantly remind people that you go to Georgetown, not GW and then pretentiously explain why THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT SCHOOLS. You miss procrastinating on Lau 2 with your friends. You miss saying hi to The Wisey’s Rat. You even find yourself missing New Leo’s (not really, but we’ll pretend for the sake of this article). It’s officially time to go back to the Hilltop.

“You go to GW, right?”

5. Return

You tear up as you see Healy from across the Key Bridge. It’s been too long since last you met. You bask in the glow of a new semester, telling yourself that this is the year you finally get it together. No more going out on Tuesday nights or skipping every class that meets before 2 pm. No more eating Wisey’s cookies for dinner or convincing yourself that walking up Lau steps counts as a workout. Yes, you’ll abandon this attitude completely within the next two weeks, but it’s nice to enjoy the “new and improved 2018 you!” while it lasts. You’re reunited with your squad, you’re wearing the one cool piece of clothing you got for Christmas, and you’re ready for Syllabus Week. Hoya Saxa, it’s good to be home.

You, at Chi Di, two hours after you claimed you were going to start counting your drinks this year, ca 2018, colorized.

Photos/GIFS: Giphy.com, almanac.com