Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

How To: CHARMS

Is it time for you to find your first ever college roommate? Get excited for a year (or four) of pillow talks, impromptu dance parties, sexiling and shared bathrooms! Finding/having a roommate is nothing to stress out about. In my opinion, you can have three outcomes: A. You may find and get to live with a newfound BFFL; B. Your freshman year roommate will be someone that you can get along with well enough (not the future best man in your wedding, but trustworthy and good for a couple of 2am heart-to-hearts); or C. Getting through the year may require some Facetime-enabled venting to your parents, but you’ll emerge (mostly) unscathed with some great stories to tell about your miscommunications.

Many of you will find your roommate using CHARMS (Campus Housing Roommate Matching System….CHRMS?), which is perhaps better understood as the college-roommate-version of Tinder. CHARMS has a curiously high success rate. Is it a match made in heaven? It’s actually more like a  match made by virtually dating other eligible roommate-seeking baby-Hoyas after comparing room temperature preferences and how messy neat you are. Using this bewilderingly successful forum is as much a rite of passage as Club Lau, getting lost in the ICC, DFMOing with a stranger on a Vil A rooftop and learning how to order an Epi quesadilla. In order to help you with this signature Georgetown experience, here are some tips and tricks to hopefully help make your CHARMS adventure a little ~easier~.

1. Use Facebook It is much easier to communicate via FB Messenger than on the CHARMS site itself. Using Facebook saves you from logging on to the Starrez Housing Portal to check messages and lets you see when someone has read your message. Additionally, friending your potential roomie on Facebook allows you to do some ~wholesome investigation~ to make sure that they were just as weird (and good at Photo Booth) in seventh grade as you were. Plus, this allows you two to tag each other in the comment sections of some stellar memes – objectively the most effective means of determining your compatibility.

2.  Be Honest

This is my biggest piece of advice. There are roughly 2000 people in your grade, so don’t worry about revealing yourself to not be 100% compatible with one of the ~three people that CHARMS initially matches you with based on your Living Preference Questionnaire (a series of mostly arbitrary questions) answers. Don’t claim to be the world’s most organized person if, in fact, a greater percentage of your clothing is lying on your floor rather than neatly hanging in your closet. No need to disclose the exact number of empty water bottles currently in your bedroom, but come clean (#notsorry) about some of your messier tendencies and find a roommate who will understand (rather than resent) your system of putting your dirty clothes on the floor when your laundry basket is full of clean clothes that haven’t been put away yet.

3. Some Helpful Translations

“I’m in the McDonough School of Business” I won’t have classes on Friday. I have an extensive collection of Vineyard Vines polos. In my free time I enjoy cracking open a cold one with the MSBros. “I’m pre-med” I have early morning lectures. Aesthetic: goggle lines post-three-hour chem lab. Celebrity crush: Neil deGrasse Tyson. “I’m kind of a NARP” Direct translation: I’m a Non-Athletic Regular Person. More accurate interpretation: I have little intention of ever setting foot in Yates Field House (Field Dungeon?), but might be persuaded to go to SoulCycle if we can get acai bowls at South Block after. “I LOVE The Office” I will tag you in an endless stream of Michael Scott memes. You better understand my frequent references and respond appropriately, and also support my “Prison Mike” Halloween costume.

4. Plan ahead, but be realistic!

Coordinating some logistics with your roommate ahead of time is a good idea. Figure out what items you might want to have, what will be shared and who is bringing/buying a mini-fridge, a clothes drying rack, cleaning supplies, etc. Just remember that most freshmen dorm rooms are on the smaller side. I was particularly lucky to score what seemed to be a glorified closet of a freshman dorm room—great for some roomie bonding, less great for housing two humans and too many Bed Bath and Beyond purchases. Bill Clinton did it and you can too, but don’t plan on buying a couch or bringing your pet elephant. Best of luck finding a roommate! Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, theodysseyonline.com

Fifty Shades of Gray: A Campus Sweatshirt Analysis

Banner - sweatshirts

Fall is upon us. It is time for overpriced seasonal lattes, never-ending weeks of midterms and long nights in Lau. It’s time to unpack sensible footwear, time for facilities to (finally) turn on the heat setting in the dorms and time to unpack your sweatshirts. If you have attended one or more educational institutions, been on a sports team (were you a varsity benchwarmer? JV legend? Intramural MVP?) or attended a few club meetings (for an organization with an acronym that you may or may not have understood), a fair share of gear order forms have passed through your hands as you have built your formidable sweatshirt collection. You own hoodies, quarter-zips and crew necks, in various shades of grey, gray, “sport grey,” “dark heather” and “ash,” all of which boast emblems and acronyms advertising your affiliation to something to us sleep-deprived, sweatshirt-clad college students in your midst.

Here is 4E’s analysis of a few popular types of sweatshirts seen on the Hilltop:

Sweatshirts with an acronym ending in “H.S.”
This sweatshirt may as well be emblazoned with “FRESHMAN” in glowing letters. High school paraphernalia should remain crammed in the bottom of your childhood dresser along with your participation certificates, retainer case, homecoming corsages, SAT practice tests, Common App essay and other evidence of your time spent amidst hormonal, angsty teenagers in locker-lined hallways that 4E sincerely hopes you’ve left at home.

Collegiate gear from a school that is not Georgetown
Reasons to wear gear from another school: You have a good friend, S.O., sibling or parent that goes or went to this school. Maybe this was a birthday present and you are in no position to pass up the addition to your sweatshirt collection.

Reasons not to wear: You toured, applied to and were waitlisted by Harvard, but you payed $50 for a crimson sweatshirt that serves as a nice reminder of your narrowly avoided time on the yard. Or, you applied to and got into some school, and of course bought a sweatshirt, and being the intelligent annoying person that you are, are now trying to intimidate your classmates.

#3

Georgetown Gear
Woohoo!! The most prevalent colors in your wardrobe are slowly but surely becoming blue and gray!! The small percentage of money that you didn’t spend at the bookstore on textbooks you are now spending at the bookstore on clothing items that say “Georgetown” or “Hoyas” or “1789” or “I Heart John Carroll”!! Additionally, if you’re in a club and don’t have a sweatshirt with the aforementioned club’s name on it, your membership in this club is up for debate, so yay for acronyms that start with “GU”!!

Patagonia
Alas! Who knew that staying on Lau 2 until 3am required a uniform? But, how do you signal that you are overworked, over-caffeinated and not getting enough sleep without dawning your multicolored patchwork of fleece? The unmistakable mountain silhouette logo in the corner of your pullover helpfully informs your peers that when you’re not stumbling between Lau, Leo’s and the ICC in a sleep-deprived stupor you would, of course, be found summiting a mountain, rock climbing or backpacking.

#4

Vineyard Vines
The effectiveness of combining an article of clothing frequently used as sleepwear with a basic classy brand remains yet to be determined. You are trying to appear stylish and sophisticated after spending entirely too much time in Lau and not enough under your Bed Bath and Beyond duvet, and I commend this effort.

#5

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, fairisleknit.com

Dating on a Budget 2.0

love on a budgetI hate to be the one to say it, but we’ve reached that inevitable point in the semester: The honeymoon phase is quickly coming to a close.

Darties give way to office hours, highly-anticipated outings to Chi Di become procrastination-heavy nights in Lau, and perhaps most importantly, that abundance of Flex Dollars and summer-job money turns into asking the cashier at Snaxa to try your card one more time because you’re pretty sure you have another 75 cents on it. But fear not – just because your bank account is having some serious troubles, doesn’t mean that your love life has to suffer too.

Here are some of 4E’s top picks for dating on a budget here at Georgetown. Whether you’re a freshman struggling to find affordable options in a town that seems full of Café Milanos and 1789s, or a senior looking to spice things up while also saving money for when your parents cut you off in a few months, this is the guide for you.

  1. Quick Pita: The perfect spot for all you late-night lovers out there. Head on down to the corner of M and Potomac any time before 2 a.m. and split an order of the best fries in Georgetown for just $3.59. Make sure to take advantage of mood music while you’re basking in the glow of the fluorescent lights and the neon “Open” sign. The owners have been known to slow it down with some Beyoncé and Usher after midnight.
The typical 2 AM scene at Quick Pita
The typical 2 a.m. scene at Quick Pita

2. Kehoe Field: While “technically closed” for now, you can still take a romantic stroll up around Yates and onto one of Georgetown’s hidden treasures to catch a breathtaking view of campus. The whole forbidden aspect will make your date that much more exciting, and you can show that special someone your dangerous side by daring to explore the “unfit playing conditions.”

Pro tip: Flaunt your affinity for animals by attempting to pet one of the many deer that frequently visit the field.

3. People watching at Epi: This one’s pretty straightforward, but sometimes simplicity is key. Get yourselves some free water cups, snag a cozy booth, and watch the drunken shenanigans of your peers unfold. You know what they say: Nothing brings two people together quite like watching a mutual friend devour a quesadilla and then trip over a chair while attempting to sprint to the nearest restroom.

I have actually seen someone do this exact maneuver on an Epi table.
I have actually seen someone do this exact               maneuver on an Epi table.

4. The Waterfront: Sequoia is home to a beautiful outdoor light display, which means that loitering on one of the benches outside the restaurant is basically the same experience that their outdoor seating provides. You’ll enjoy all the ambiance of a five-star restaurant with none of the cost!

Pro tip: Plan ahead and expand your loitering horizons during the holiday season by sitting and admiring the Christmas lights outside of Starbucks or Fiola Mare, all while still never opening your wallet.

5. Lau 5:  While Lau 2 may seem like the obvious choice for a conversation-filled date night, the strictly-enforced no-talking policy on Lau 5 will create plenty of opportunities for you to get close to that special someone as you whisper about tomorrow’s Econ test.

Pro tip: Use your study break to take a silent stroll through the stacks together. Be sure to show off your studious side by pretending to have read some of the random books you come across.

 

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com 

4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide: Club Lau

Banner - Club LauDuring the first few days of your Georgetown experience, you will undoubtedly hear of a very “unique” tradition we have. You will hear of Club Lau, perhaps from an upperclassman friend, perhaps from a sign in the library, or even from an equally confused fellow freshman.

What is Club Lau? Where is it? How do I get in? What’s it like?

what

You ask, and 4E has answers. If you want to do this Georgetown tradition right (note: this is a survival guide for a reason), listen up…

Every year, on one fateful night early in the schoolyear, our very own Lauinger Library turns into a sweaty dance moshpit. From the outside, you can’t see anything. That’s because the temperature inside rivals a sauna and the windows are completely fogged up.

lit

Everyone waits in a seemingly never-ending line for the chance to grace the Lau 3 dance floor, see all of their friends make fools of themselves, and relive past memories.

bettydrunk
Live footage of a Club Lau pregame

A DJ will play an aggressive set to pump up those in attendance, including:

  1. You. The confused freshman who just showed up because everyone else said they were going. You didn’t want to miss out on the fun.
  2. The senior crying upon realization this is his/her last Club Lau. You know what they say: 50 percent of Hoyas marry other Hoyas. If you haven’t found a spouse by senior year, this is basically your last opportunity to do so.
  3. The valedictorian who came to check out a book. Not even the deafening music can keep this student from his/her books. Wouldn’t be caught dead on the dance floor.
  4. The “GERMS’ed” record holder. If there’s one place someone is likely to need medical attention, it’s definitely here.
  5. Confused library staff. They’ll have to look up the meaning of the words “lit” and “ratchet” online if all of the dictionaries are checked out. There isn’t anything they can’t find in Georgetown’s Dictionary, though.

What you should expect:

  1. Losing your GoCard.
  2. Never being able to look at your roommate the same way afterwards.
  3. A constant smell of body odor/bodily fluids.smell
  4. Learning new things about people you may or may not have wanted to know.
  5. DFMOs (Dance Floor Makeouts).
  6. A damn good time.

Now that you’re up to date, you’ll be able to survive Club Lau 2017.  It’s on September 2nd from 10 PM to 2 AM, if you didn’t already know. See you there!

cocofood

Photos/GIFs: Karen Bu (COL ’16), giphy.com, playbuzz.com

 

Club Lau TONIGHT

geurgetown-university-libraryTonight (Sept. 5) at 10:00 p.m. is the event of the year: Club Lau.

Located on the third floor (main entrance floor) of our very own Lauinger Library, Club Lau is the raunchiest, sloppiest, sweatiest night that the library experiences each year (except for non-university-sanctioned events that go on when people sneak into Lau at night???).

IMG_3348

Here are the Top 5 reasons you should attend:

1. It only happens once a year.
2. The Insta opportunities are tremendous.
3. It’s the only party of the year that has decent snacks.
4. You can host a sick pregame on Lau 2. Or 4. Or 1. Or 5.
5. It’s Lau’s only chance to be something good.

Be there or be square, Hoyas.

Photo: Me, last night, in the Lau elevator; thestraightorquerr.com

Lau Really is a Club!

spicy

D.C. has a ton of clubs: Cities, Eden or whatever the newest rage is… you get the point. Clubs and bars are fun to go to, but nothing can take the place of Georgetown’s very own Lauinger Library, the ultimate club.

Confused? Lau is basically the party of the year and by being a Georgetown student you are automatically invited!

Here are six ways a night at Lau is exactly like a night at the club:

1. Boys there ignore me.

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2. It’s hard to tolerate without copious amounts of alcohol.

3. The area next to the (coffee) bar is always the most crowded.

But I just wanted a caramel soy latte!
But I just want a chai tea latte!

4. The bathroom never has soap or paper towels after the weekend.

5. You usually stay well past 2am.

Circa 4am
Circa 4am

6. It’s full of underage college students.

Next time you are feeling bored and restless, save yourself a few bucks, put on your cutest yoga pants and hoodie and head across campus to Lauinger.

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com; imgur.com; http://thetally.efinancialnews.com/; blog.goodosphere.com/

It’s 3:30 Somewhere

330 ClubHere at Georgetown when the taste of Village A jungle juice and the always unsatisfying ranch to pizza ratio at Eat & Joy begins to take its toll, we looking to switch things up. Although instinctively shouting along to “Get Low” by the widely acclaimed duo of Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz can be an exhilarating experience, sometimes we’d like to hear something different than the typical soundtrack to our Friday night.

Stefon-Final
Georgetown’s hottest club is…

You may have heard about some stellar shows coming up at the 9:30 Club. It sounds fun to buy a ticket and go dance with your friends at an intimate venue with a live performer. But compared to the glamour and prestige of an often-overlooked club we have on this very campus, the 9:30 Club is second tier. I’m referring to the 3:30 Club, where the cover charge is a flash of your GoCard and the venue is as intimate as the distance your feet are from those of the boy in the cubicle next to you, who has opted to go barefoot. It’s free. It’s convenient. It’s open 24 hours. And you never know what you’re going to get.

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Sure, artists at the 9:30 Club might be spontaneous, but here at the 3:30 Club there’s no setlist. It’s 3:30 pm and you’re on Lau 5 and the soundtrack today is a synthesis of a hacking cough, construction and anxious leg shaking. Or maybe there is the faint whisper of muffled tears. Regardless of what the club scene delivers on that day, there is always something organic about the way these noises come together. For those of you who are attracted to the 9:30 Club because it satisfies your desire to go somewhere chiller than Georgetown parties, under the radar and/or so “not mainstream,” what could be more avant-garde than going into the library at 3:30 pm to not do work? What’s more new wave than sitting back in the Pierce Reading Room solely to take in all the vibes?

I know you’re probably skeptical. You’re probably wondering what makes the 3:30 Club more of “the move” on a Friday afternoon than going to a bar on a Saturday night. Going to see your favorite performer in a small setting with a fun crowd and bumping music sounds great in theory, but the 3:30 Club is all about giving you an unpredictable show. It will keep you coming back, wondering if today you’ll get to witness another group project fight, or whether you’ll see the same shady man through the window of one of the fourth floor closets or maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of a mental breakdown at the printing station when the paper tray claims it’s empty though it’s actually full. And don’t get me started on what goes down in Gelardin. The clubbing game will never be the same.

What to Expect from GU Nightclub’s First Party

GU Nightclub

Here at 4E, we love to party. So naturally, we are more than excited for the first GU Nightclub party, coming this Friday. We’ve waited an eternity for something that could finally live up to the exceptionally high standards that Club Lau set for us during that fateful weekend freshman year and that something has finally arrived.

We’ve compiled a list of our hopes and dreams for the opening night, all of which have been carefully compared to observed phenomena at local club and bar scenes and are totally legitimate. (Failure to achieve at least three of these expectations will result in a blog-wide boycott of future GU Nightclub events.)

Losing half your weight in sweat
Any good nightclub will keep the music so bumpin’ (2000s hip hop, anybody?) that you can’t help but dance. Dancing is scientifically proven to burn over 400 calories an hour. If you dance for two hours and adjust your mini skirt at least five times, you should lose over six pounds in water weight — guaranteed.

A Jesuit breakdancing competition
It’s common knowledge that priests are good at feeling emotions – what’s stopping them from feeling the beat? When the Jesuits take off their white collars and unbutton those top buttons, you know it’s going down. They’re all about that bass, ’bout that bass, no treble.

Open bar with Coke and Sprite (read: high school prom)
Leave your fake IDs at home, kids, and enjoy some carbonated and somewhat questionable “punch” free of charge.

An influx of pre-med students
With the first orgo and physics exams out of the way, even the biggest try-hards will recognize that this is the premiere event of the semester. They will crowd the doorways and, while their complaints about biology problem sets will initially drown out the music, they will quickly lower their voices and dance the night away.

The ability to dance with an MSBro without being judged
You know that cute boy who struts around campus in his new suit and shiny shoes but definitely sold his soul to some consulting company? Your friends tell you to stay away, but GU Nightclub says this is the place.

Celebrity selfie ops
Whether it’s with Taylor Swift stopping by on her way to the Verizon Center or a cardboard cut-out of President Obama stolen from the College Democrats, nothing livens up a dull Facebook page like a photo with someone famous you may or may not have met.

Balance between serious dance and ratchet rap songs
Everything from “Come On Eileen” to “Black Widow” to “Rather Be”. If they don’t play “Anaconda,” my anaconda don’t ever want to go back.

We will send our love, best wishes and potentially intoxicated (with excitement) bodies to Bulldog Alley Saturday night, ready to get down in true club style. If you missed Club Lau, lost your fake ID or don’t know what a “club” actually is, join us there!

Photo: cloudfront.net