How Donald Trump Stole the Election

Trump RevisedIt’s that time of year again, the time when “All I Want for Christmas is You” is all we hear playing across the nation. It’s also that time when all the old-time films of our childhood, such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Elf, come back on ABC Family Freeform. Let’s just say it’s the most wonderful time of the year.

However, this holiday season is a bit different due to the shock that electrified the nation on November 8: Donald Trump, against all odds, won the presidency. Some Americans even refused to believe the media when the news broke.
Nevertheless, it was true: Trump turned out to be our future president. There are many reasons that explain why Trump became president, namely that many Americans refused to admit to their preferred candidate.

However, just as there were whispers of Hillary burning ballots, 4E brings you a new conspiracy theory: Donald Trump conspired to steal the election. In the holiday spirit, I will compare Trump’s campaign to Dr. Seuss’s beloved holiday story How the Grinch Stole Christmas to show how Trump accomplished this unprecedented feat.“Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not!” Prior to this election, many (but definitely not all) Americans were content with society. However, Donald Trump was apparently NOT. Just as the Grinch sat on the top of Mt. Crumpit, brooding about Christmas, Trump sat at the top of Trump Tower, lamenting the situation of our country. But soon, he realized not all was lost.Trump got the idea to steal the election and ~Make America Great Again!~ Was it because his heart was three sizes too small? Biologically speaking this is humanly impossible. On the other hand, people once said it was impossible for Trump to win…Regardless of your politics, it’s clear that this election taught us that anything can happen. So, Donald set off on a quest to steal the election. Just as the Grinch donned his Santa suit and helped Max to be his reindeer, Donald did his hair and employed Melania, Ivanka and others to help him sweep the carpet out from under Hillary’s feet. As he raced ~down the slope~ toward Election Day, Trump had a wild time of campaigning in critical areas and also bullying other candidates (Read: @JebBush, @nastywoman). Just as the Grinch made himself out to be Santa, Donald made himself out to be the one who would save our country from corruption. Interestingly, Melania also made herself out to be quite a public speaker, but we all know where that came from.For the Grinch, Christmas Eve was the day of reckoning. Would his plan work? He proceeded to sweep all the decorations and food from the Whos’ houses and sneak out. Similarly, Trump swept through key states such as Florida, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania as Election Day progressed. However, as he continued to run away with the election, he encountered his version of Cindy Lou Who: Hillary herself. Just as all Cindy Lou wanted was presents, all Hillary wanted was to be president (but like really badly).She probably didn’t personally ask Trump why he was stealing her election, but she also didn’t have to; it was all part of Trump’s scheme to make this country great again. Soon enough, he was racing back up the electoral scale until the vote was finally over. Just as the Grinch triumphantly reached the top of Mt. Crumpit, Trump emerged from the election victorious at around 2 AM the next morning. And just as Trump heard Hillary’s supporters still pledging allegiance to her, the Grinch heard the Whos’ singing voices the next day.As we all know, the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day. Did Donald’s do the same? Maybe, considering he has called for unity among Americans. On the other hand, has he joined hands with Americans and sung Christmas carols? Evidently not, because the media would already have had a field day. On that note, let me leave you with one sobering thought: due to the similarities between these two stories, is it possible that Dr. Seuss actually wrote How the Grinch Stole Christmas in order to predict Trump’s election? Who knows, but like I said, anything is possible.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, images.google.com

Friday Fixat10ns: An Indie Christmas

Well, it looks like finals are all over and all of us brain-dead Hoyas are relaxin’ at home for a little TLC.  As you shove your mouth full of Christmas cookies and lay around in your flannel PJs, listen to this little list of chill indie tunes. It will put you in a holidaze.

1. Holiday Vampire Weekend

Even though this group of lyrical geniuses will be singing “Dreidel, Dreidel” instead of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, we still need them in our Christmas album.  All I want for Christmas is to be serenaded by Ezra Koenig.

2. Wonderful Christmastime The Shins

Usually when I listen to the Shins, I just try to simply wrap my head around the meaning of their songs, but this poppy Christmas tune is anything but complicated.  We are just simply having a wonderful Christmastime.

3. Santa Stole My Lady Fitz and the Tantrums

I guess Santa’s on the naughty list this year according to Mr. Fitz.  Keep tabs on your lady because you may find that fat jolly old man charming the socks off of her.  Hide your mistletoe, guys.

4. Sleigh Ride She & Him

Zooey Deschanel is doing more than just singing to Will Ferrell in “Elf.” She and M. Ward have created a whole album just for the holidays.  This duo just makes you want to sip some overly priced coffee at a hip coffee shop and ponder life.

5. Jingle Bell Rock Rogue Wave

“Jingle Bell Rock,” such a classic.  A little different from the “Jingle Bell Rock” played in your fave film Mean Girls, this version creates a laid back vibe.

6. Auld Lang Syne Andrew Bird

If you’re looking for an indie/folk twist on this traditional Scottish song that you have probably never heard of, then this is perfect for you.  This song is all about change and starting the new year off right and for most of us, this is very relevant.

7. Christmas Party Dr. Dog

Put your ugly Christmas sweater on and get ready for a groovy Christmas party.  This song takes you back to an era only our grandparents know.  I feel like I should hear this playing in the background of a “Mad Men” Christmas episode.

8. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) Death Cab for Cutie

Oh Death Cab for Cutie you bring me back to the late 90s, when I was only a wee child. This version of “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” is spot on.  I’m sure your baby will come home after they hear your sultry voice.

9. Blue Christmas Bright Eyes

Please do not be blue this holiday, but please do listen to this calming song about a sad lad who is missing his S/O during the holiday.  It’s not really a poppy indie tune about holiday cheer, but it’ll give ya the feels.

10. The Christmas Song The Raveonettes

This ’60s style song is about not wanting Christmas to end and I think all of us can relate to that.  This song has such a chill vibe that it just makes you want to cruise down the PCH under the California sun.

Photos: 8tracks.com and theblueindian.com

Totally Absurd Christmas Gifts

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Tired of giving your friends and family members the standard, generic Christmas gifts: jewelry, gift cards, food, clothes? This year, get a little more creative with some totally absurd presents. You can be completely sure that your acquaintances won’t have – and probably have never heard of – any of these gifts. Here is 4E’s list of unique and novel gift ideas that even the most picky loved/tolerated person on your list will appreciate and use forever.

Facebook Finder

This nifty device will notify you whenever a Facebook friend is within 2 miles of you. Stalking your exes just got a lot easier. Instead of looking through their photos (and those of the girls/boys they’re tagged with) you can go find them and actually physically stalk them. Goodbye sanity, hello psychiatrist!

The Tie Tie-r

Tired of wasting precious time tying your tie every single morning (and some nights)? Buy that friend or family member this device with settings to make all the crucial knots – Eldredge, Tulip, Trinity – in about 10 minutes!

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Solar Powered Flashlight

How often are you outside in broad daylight wishing you had a powerful flashlight? Simply push the “on” button to harness the energy of the solar system’s most powerful star into a hand-held beam that shines with the same brightness as a blubber lamp. Must have access to direct sunlight to be effective.

Cargo Shorts Kit

Love cargo shorts, but hate the bulky pockets? This kit gives you the best of both worlds. The khaki slightly-below-the-knee-length shorts feature strips of Velcro on the side of each leg, allowing you to add the included fake pockets (piece of fabric resembling a pocket) in whatever design, ratio or even shape that you desire. Kit comes in a variety of colors and themes including camouflage, Hello Kitty and Disney princesses. The perfect gift for anyone on your list!

Remote Control for iPhone 6

Ever want to change the song or check social media but don’t feel like taking out your cell phone to do so? Use this remote control instead. Roughly the size of the ancient relic known as “the iPhone 4s,” this remote will fit conveniently in your other pocket and allow you to control your new iPhone 6 with just a few taps.

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Left: iPhone 6. Right: Size of iPhone 6 remote.

Relationship Scoreboard

This computerized device will keep track of everything you argue about in your relationship: Who forgot to do their chores? Who had the last sassy remark? Who made a mean comment? Fights will be more productive than ever and revenge will be surprisingly easy. Warning: may cause deterioration of relationship.

 

Recipients of these gifts have deemed them “life changing” and “what gets me out of bed in the morning.”

When asked if they recommend the gifts, people on the internet said:

“The Cargo Shorts Kit saved my marriage.”

“Thanks to the Tie Tie-r, tying my tie is knot a problem.”

“I saw a commercial for the Facebook Finder while I was in prison and immediately sought parole so I could get one ASAP.”

Hurry up and get these gifts before they’re sold out and everyone’s lives are ruined forever.

Photos:  agreeordie.comwww.gottabemobile.com; http://www.theguardian.com/money/2011/nov/05/christmas-shopping-rights-return 

Manly Monday: Sweater Weather

manlymondays

Sweater weather is upon us, and with it comes a wide variety of seasonal attire. Buddy the Elf once theorized that the best way to spread Christmas cheer is “singing loud for all to hear”. As much as I respect Buddy, I’m going to have to disagree on this one. Without a doubt, the best way to spread Christmas glee is flaunting sweaters for all to see.

 

For those of you who are concerned about your masculinity during the holiday season, have no fear. If Ron Swanson can wear holiday sweaters, then you certainly can wear holiday sweaters.

Here are some of our favorite looks

At 4E, we don’t like to use the term ugly. We find it counter-productive. Instead, let’s just go with the term “festive”. So if you’re feeling festive, then you really can’t go wrong with a knit cardigan over a turtle neck. A look like that just screams with confidence.

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If they’re the same color, then congratulations. You’ve reached a new level of festive.

Speaking of confidence, why not just ditch the turtle neck? Try wearing this bold look during finals if you’re looking to leave a strong exit statement. You never know, it could be the new fashion craze.

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The only better way to spread the cheer than holiday sweaters? Well-coordinated group sweaters. Obviously. celebrities-ugly-christmas-sweaters--large-msg-135447913104

So get out there, find some festive sweaters and spread some Christmas cheer by showing off the sweaters you wear.

Photos: esquire.com, dailydawdle.com, refinedguy.com

Walking in a D.C. Wonderland

Holiday SpiritThe final stretch is finally here! Christmas break is on the horizon and only a week or so stands between us and home-cooked meals, Netflix, cookies, presents and home-cooked meals… Did I say home-cooked meals already?

But why wait to get in the Christmas spirit? There is no point: It is physically, mentally and seasonally impossible to get through finals without a little holiday cheer. As a smart elf once said, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!”

However, this advice might be bit faulty. In fact, 4E doesn’t advocate going to Lau at this time of year to sing Christmas carols. (Nonetheless, it’s finals time, so you do what you need to do.) There are plenty of places in D.C. where Georgetown students can experience some holiday warmth and cheer. So go, be merry: It’s Christmas time!

Waterfront Ice Skating The ice skating rink on the Georgetown waterfront is a great way to waste time and get in the Christmas spirit. Don’t forget to snap a few pics and sing some holiday songs. Props go to those who dress up for the occasion.

National Christmas Tree This is the perfect place to take in the beauty of D.C. and the magic of Christmas. It is a fantastic photo op. Also, did I mention that it’s really, really pretty? Much better than the one in your dorm room.

Zoo Lights THIS IS FREE, so go to it. Every year the National Zoo presents a beautiful display of light sculptures. They also sell holiday treats, which is a reason in itself to go. In addition, this year’s slogan is “It’s wild; It’s free!” In other words, there is no possible reason for you not to go.

The Nutcracker Nothing says Christmas to me like “The Nutcracker.” Whether you go and see the Washington Ballet’s performance (aka what is getting me through this week) or watch the movie or even just hum the music… “The Nutcracker” will keep you from cracking under the pressure of finals.

Copley Lawn If you’re desperate for holiday cheer but can’t find time to leave the Hilltop, just head over to Copley Lawn. Maybe take a picture with the snow (slush? water? who knows?). Because what says “Merry Christmas from Georgetown” better than a slushy John Carroll?

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all around D.C., Hoyas!

Photo: schedule.wttw.com