4E’s Fall 2016 Blog Babies

New BloggiesEvery semester, The Hoya welcomes incredible new talent. As always, we at 4E were impressed with the blogging potential of all our applicants, and are pleased to introduce the following new writers and give you a preview of their talents:

Madison Santoli (COL ’18)

Madison

Top 3 90’s Cliché High School Moments

  1. Walking down the stairs dramatically and in slow-motion, revealing a transformation from frizzy haired and braces wearing 16 year old, to the hottest prom date ever.
  2. A cheerleader in a way skimpier uniform than any high school would allow shoving another girl against a locker and telling her to stay away from her boyfriend.
  3. Being Hilary Duff.

Nikki Hauser (COL ’19)

Nikki

Top 3 Foods To Eat After A Night Out

  1. French fries covered in cheese and bacon. What could be better than a fresh batch of glistening french fries, you ask? How about topping it with even more of your favorite foods? Ooze that cheddar cheese, sprinkle that bacon and you got yourself a slammin’ midnight snack.
  2. Microwaved cookie dough topped with ice cream. For those of you worried about Salmonella poisoning, don’t be – this is sooo worth it.
  3. That thing leftover in your fridge. Is it the other half of a Subway sandwich you wanted to save but forgot about? Or maybe it’s that berry-delicious yogurt you bought two months ago?

Lisa Park (MSB ’20)

Lisa

Top 3 Moments That Made Me Realize Childhood Was Over

  1. That time Amanda Bynes was spotted with dimple piercings and a crazy blonde wig, marking the end of her career.
  2. That time Miley Cyrus touched herself with a foam finger and grinded on Robin Thicke at the VMA Awards.
  3. That time when Ryan Lochte had a TV show for only a month because all he said was “Jeah.”

Joseph O’Reilly (COL ’20)

Joseph

Top 3 Strange Things A Randomly Selected Roommate Could Bring

  1. An assortment of 11 French cheeses that add a pungent scent to the room.
  2. The mysterious black substance that keeps reappearing on the sink.
  3. An industrial printer remotely three times the size of anything appropriately sized.

Caroline Bucca (NHS ’20)

Caroline

Top 3 People Commonly Seen On The Bus

  1. The impatient businessman (*cough* MSB *cough*): Loud talking and impeccably pressed suits are a must. The shiny watch is the ultimate accessory. The phone is an afterthought.
  2. The coffee slurper/spiller: They’ll bring a large coffee cup – probably a Starbucks drink–  and will proceed to slurp the drink because it’s hot. They’ll be very loud, and probably will spill it at least twice. If you don’t see one on the bus, it’s probably you.
  3. The old high school classmate: Enjoy stories of “Remember___?” or “How I’m doing” for the entirety of the ride. We try extremely hard to avoid them, but ultimately, nobody can avoid his or her past.

Sarah Reuter (COL ’20)

Sarah

Top 3 Thoughts From The John Carroll Statue

  1. “Well, the clock tower is behind me, but I am pretty sure your 9 a.m. class started 20 minutes ago. Sweat pants and yesterday’s makeup? You do you, girl.”
  2. “Oh good, freshmen wandering over after the Vil A party, which they weren’t invited to, started ‘getting lame.’ Hi. Wow. Yes, you’re high on… life… Yes, people have told you that climbing on me is a cool thing to do. Yes, you’re overdue for an insta post. Please don’t throw up on me. Okay, your new BFF has taken a million pictures of you. Time to go. No no, that’s not how you get to Epi from here.”
  3. “Hi there, tour group. Wow, look at you. Already wearing a Georgetown sweatshirt? And khaki pants? And Sperrys? It’s like you already go here! You do know that you won’t get in unless your mom takes notes during the tour and you take a picture with me, right?”

Laura Bell (COL ’19)

Laura

Top 3 Members Of NSYNC

  1. JC Chasez. I realize it’s an unconventional and slightly unpopular choice to not go with Justin here, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Check out the “Pop” music video – JC’s an early Zac Efron prototype.
  2. Justin Timberlake. Obviously the most talent of the bunch, but I’m not sure what to make of his acting career these days, so he loses some serious points there. (Have you seen “Runner, Runner”? If not, don’t.)
  3. Kris Kirkpatrick. The dad of the group, but he also went on to voice everyone’s favorite teen pop star – Chip Skylark – in Fairly Odd Parents. I also personally identify with the song “My Shiny Teeth and Me.”

Julia Axtell (COL ’20)

Julia

Top 3 Places I’ve Eaten Breakfast

  1. Top of Old Rag at sunrise.
  2. Cruise ship balcony overlooking St. Petersburg, Russia.
  3. Beach in Riviera Maya, Mexico.

Photos: facebook.com, blog.thehoya.com

 

 

2016 Presidential Nominees As GUSA Presidents

Banner - 2016 GUSABy this point, we are all well aware of who this year’s presidential nominees will be. Like ’em or not, barring some extreme circumstance or ~political revolution~, either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be moving into prime D.C. real estate early next year.

The average Georgetown student is pretty politically savvy, but for those of us who aren’t, 4E has created a guide to the nominees by making them a little more relevant to Georgetown. Here are what the candidates’ platforms and personas would be if they were running for Georgetown University Student Association President instead:

hillaugh

The Likely Democratic Nominee, Hillary Clinton:

  • Creation of a new email system. Google Apps was glitchy, anyways.
  • Officially recognize H*yas for Choice.
  • Someone will tell her to lower tuition, and she will give in.
  • The number of Georgetown students getting Wall Street internships will increase tenfold.
  • Public Safety Alerts about attacks on students may disappear mysteriously.
  • Incentivize more speakers to come to campus by paying them hundreds of thousands of dollars.
  • Jack the Bulldog will wear a pantsuit.hillsuits
  • The front gates remain open.
  • If GUASFCU fails, it must be bailed out.
  • GUSA Vice President will get into battles on Facebook with opposing campaigns.
  • #1 Customer of The Corp, yet has a problem with the way it operates.
  • Already had a seat in her classes before the class primaries (i.e. pre-registration).

trumflag

The Presumptive Republican Nominee, Donald Trump:

  • Studying abroad in any country that participates in international trade deals is no longer allowed.
  • Build a giant wall around campus, and close the front gates.
  • Somehow gets all of his classes during preregistration, stunning even the registrar.
  • Will apply for financial aid, then default on his student loans.
  • New Corp storefronts: a casino, a vineyard and a steakhouse.
  • His possible Vice Presidential nominee may close the Key Bridge.
  • Model UN will receive no funding and be removed from CSE budgets.
  • The entire campus is a free speech zone.
  • Shut down the Qatar campus and relocate it to Tel Aviv.
  • Repeal and replace the student insurance waiver.
  • Will actually enforce the 100% ID check on GUTS buses.
  • Will cut tuition and funding for campus news outlets (Dishonest media!)
  • Attack Villanova hard and fast. They have been beating us badly, folks.trumpdunk

Perhaps this will help you make your decision, or it might have just frustrated/annoyed/perplexed/(insert your feeling here) you, but in any case, just remember to VOTE!

Note: Neither The Hoya nor The Fourth Edition officially endorses candidates for political office or otherwise.

Photos/Gifs: reddit.com, giphy.com