99 Problems But Jesuit Values Ain’t One

My college career started off to a horrifically basic start. My roommate and I invited new friends to our room before heading over to the Natty-littered Village A rooftops. Word spread quickly of our plan to play pong and party, as thirty sweaty eighteen year-olds flooded my third floor, trash-hallway New South room.

Music was blasting, Burnett’s was flowing and introductions were a plenty; I was having a glorious time hosting new friends. However, in the middle of all-time anthemic banger “Closer,” there was a sudden knock on the door.

My roommate and I were written up for a noise complaint. We had no interest in writing a BS apologetic essay about “disturbing the peace of New South,” and instead wrote a rap about Georgetown’s Jesuit values. The piece, entitled “99 Problems but Jesuit Values Ain’t One,” was required to be spoken to our community director, peers and RAs. And we did it. And we went all in. Please enjoy, much to my humiliation.

99 Problems, but Jesuit Values Ain’t One

It was a Monday during NSO,
We didn’t know how to tell them to go.

Playing music and talking, way too loud,
til the RA on duty came around.

Disturbing the peace with all our brothers,
We were not being men and women for others.

And now we’re ready to apologize too,
By showing our knowledge of Jesuit values.

Cura personalis is what comes first,
Because care of the the person is not the worst.

Now that we’re Hoyas we need some balance,
By being kind neighbors we’ll show our prudence.

Through this rap we will make some penance,
Demonstrating the importance of academic excellence.

Academic excellence thats a must,
Because when you don’t it’s a sure bust.
We’ll have Jack DeGioa up in a fuss,
Going to Lau, getting those A’s, that’s prosperous.

Educating the whole person is essential,
It helps us reach our full potential.

Learning both in and out of classrooms,
Chilling in Lau or even at Tombs.

Here on the Hilltop we’re learning to be faithful,
Between justice and faith we are not hateful.

Rhymes smooth just like buttah,
Holla at St. Ignatius–that’s my brotha.
Came up with Men and Women for Othas,
Taught us values of character just like my motha.

Our bro Brahmanchari taught us inter-religious understanding,
All religions are welcome, each unique and expanding.

Expanded our horizons, went to Buddhist meditation,
Our years at Georgetown aid spiritual formation.

We love Georgetown because of its community in diversity,
It gives us a better world view within the University.

On the third floor we have peers from England, France and Spain,
Friends from far and wide make our lives less mundane.

Our thoughtful discussion after Pluralism in Action,
Brought us closer to diverse peers to our satisfaction.

Loving our neighbors before ourselves,
Helping the staff in Leo’s restock the shelves.

Doing what’s right, owning up to our mistakes,
Being faithful and just is all that is takes.

Teaching us lessons is what Georgetown does best,
Now we know better, we hashtag blessed.

Photos/gifs: som.georgetown.edu, giphy.com

The Five Stages of Getting Written Up

In the wise words of Hannah Montana, “Nobody’s perfect.” This timeless adage is particularly true for Georgetown students. Sometimes we make a little too much noise, have a little too much fun and get a little too lit. And sometimes we get caught. For those have been written up, you know exactly what I am talking about. For those who have not, this is what you can expect:

  1. Caught in the Act- Perhaps you were blasting “Closer” a little too loud during quiet hours, or maybe you were caught roaming the halls of New South with an illicit beverage (which 4E in no way supports if you are under 21). Whatever you were doing, you were likely not supposed to be doing it. You know it, and more importantly the RA knows it. Whether you get a knock on the door or you get stopped in the hallway, you better cooperate because God knows there’s no way out of this one.
  2. The Wait- The RA takes down your information and tells you to expect an email from the Judicial Council. What she does not tell you is that it will not come for approximately three weeks. This excessive time period is racked with questions, doubts and uncertainties. What will they charge me with? Will I be expelled? Will this affect my housing points? Was this all possibly some sick joke?
  3. The Meeting- You finally receive the long awaited email accompanied with several charges-a number of which definitely did not happen. You are told to report to the McCarthy Library where you will essentially sell your soul to a community director and, for some reason unbeknownst to you, that kid in your calc class. Get ready to bring out the tears, you’re gonna need them.
  4. The Wait Part 2- You finish the meeting and they tell you to expect another email in a week. A WEEK? I mean seriously, how long does it take? I swear they do this for dramatic effect. Just rip off the band aid people.
  5. Punishment- Your fate has arrived. You find out you only actually received half of the charges you were initially charged with (#blessed), but you also learn you have to take an online course, pay a 50 dollar fee and complete several hours of sanctioned service hours. 4E will ~cash you ousside~ picking up trash in the Georgetown neighborhood for the next two weeks!

While we here at 4E hope this never happens to you,  we are glad we have prepared you for this trying process. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

125 Substitutes for Season Tickets

New year, new team? Maybe not, but we can only hope for the best when it comes to our men’s basketball team. The team has had a long road. From winning to NCAA championship in 1984 to not even making the tournament in recent years (yet still beating ‘Cuse #score), it’s safe to say that it’s been quite a ride.

Through all these ups and downs, the student section has always had a decent, if not excellent, turnout compared to other schools. Although we showed signs of life in a few games, the loss to ProvidenceVanillaNoFunSetonHallDePaulNeedISayMore crushed many fans’ confidence in the team. Let’s just say that there are definitely a lot of students who are, ah, dissatisfied with the performance this year.

Now, I love basketball as much as the next guy. I genuinely enjoy going to the Verizon Center for games, even if the team loses. However, it’s no secret that many students are reconsidering buying season tickets next year. It’s depressing, but what can you do? $125 is a lot to spend on game tickets when you don’t even enjoy going.

Saving money, something which I always applaud, for other activities is important. Fortunately for you, I collaborated with Senior Blog Editor Ally Puccio to create some creative uses for this newfound cash. Here are just a few different ways to spend $125 next year (if you’ve given up on our team).

    1. 40 PBRs at Rocket Bar, located just across the street from the Verizon Center.
    2. 35 Uncle Sams from MUG, located in the ICC. Best Corp coffee shop, best drink.
    3. Depending on your liquor store of choice (RIP Dixie), $125 can buy you anywhere from seven to 11 handles of Burnett’s. See previous posts for guidance in that area. Or don’t, and just buy the wrong flavors. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
    4. Around 12 Sweetgreen salads.
    5. Probably around eight to 10 meals at Chipotle.
    6. Seven or so meals at Mai Thai. Personally, I’m a fan of Panang Curry, which is almost the same price.
    7. 35 loads of laundry. God knows we all need extra money there since prices continue to rise.
    8. Around 10 cases of Natty Lite. NOW we’re talking.
    9. An aquarium’s worth of goldfish.
    10. Brunch! You don’t have to spend all $125 on one meal, but it’s certainly an option if you like to ~treat yourself.~ Try Mr. Smith’s for a good time, or Boqueria if you want higher quality food.
    11. A fake ID…?
    12. Put it toward spring break.
    13. Or, you could just go home for a weekend with that money.
    14. 12 Long Island iced teas at Piano (assuming you can get in these days).
    15. If you can’t get in, use the money to bribe the bouncer!
    16. Or you could bribe your accounting teacher. Accounting is really, really hard (or so they say).
    17. 25 Captain Morgan drinks on a Friday night at Tombs (I know this because I work there).
    18. 40 bourbon drinks on a Monday night at Tombs.
    19. 12 pitchers of beer at Booey’s.
    20. 12 orders of mozzarella sticks, delivered by Tapingo from Wingos. Definitely recommend.
    21. Probably a dozen shot glasses. Boost that collection.
    22. 3 Swell water bottles (just in case you lose one).
    23. 20 orders of chicken fingers from Quick Pita. Oh wait…
    24. $125 is about two years worth of Spotify Premium.
    25. If you still have a flip phone, you could buy an iPod.
    26. On that note, it’s probably around 125 songs on iTunes.
    27. All those fundraisers at Chi Di cost either $5 or $10, so you get drink specials anywhere from 12 to 25 nights at Chi Di.
    28. The cover charge at Decades is something like $10, so you can go for 12 nights.
    29. Go to a strip club!
    30. Dinner at 1789. Just once though. Not including tip.
    31. Tickets to see The Chainsmokers!
    32. Buy “Closer” 125 times on iTunes.
    33. A new TV.
    34. A lot of condoms (unless you support H*yas for Choice #free)
    35.  Gamble! Lose that $125 in a new way!
    36. Several loaves of plain white bread.
    37. Semester passes at Yates. Get fit!
    38. A table on Lau 2 during finals. Finding one is similar to The Hunger Games.
    39. Pay for a friend’s or your own parking ticket.
    40. It might even cover half a used textbook!
    41. Mold remover.
    42. Mouse traps (now we’re just listing the essentials for Georgetown housing).
    43. Blood samples.
    44. Drugs.
    45. Bleach (to drink while watching the game).
    46. 75 percent of a GoPro.
    47. This Antique Victorian Fainting Couch on Craiglist.
    48. Probably a cat.
    49. Give it to a homeless person and make someone’s day.
    50. Cash out the $125 in singles and just throw your money in the air.
    51. Disco ball.
    52. Donate it to cancer research.
    53. Find a GoFundMe page and help someone rebuild their house after a fire.
    54. One month of yoga at CorePower.
    55. 125 vanilla cones at McDonalds.
    56. Get a new funky haircut. Then get another one. And another one.
    57. Get a Yeezy T-shirt.
    58. One LeBron sneaker. But not both. Just one.
    59. Teeth whitening strips, plus a new toothbrush, toothpaste and veneers.
    60. Five bikini waxes at Polished on Wisconsin.
    61. One Amazon Tap.
    62. 25 jars of Nutella.
    63. Five wine and painting Groupons at Uncork’d Art in Adams Morgan.
    64. You can buy Instagram followers if you’re that desperate.
    65. Two N*Sync bobblehead sets on eBay.
    66. One ticket to a Broadway show.
    67. Go on a date to Outback Steakhouse and get two Bloomin’ Onions.
    68. Four Soul Cycle classes (yikes).
    69. Probably could score some recreationally legal-in-the-District-of-Columbia drugs.
    70. Did you know people are giving away hot tubs for free on Craigslist?
    71. Are there any fortune tellers in Georgetown?
    72. Oh, you could probably get a small tattoo!
    73. Or a piercing! Get wild. College, baby.
    74. Pay your bills on time this month.
    75. Buy a friend a gift!
    76. Have a field day at Trader Joe’s.
    77. Invest in Baked & Wired.
    78. Treat yourself to a Georgetown Cupcake 35 days in a row.
    79. Jump in the Potomac just for fun, and then pay your ambulance bill afterwards!
    80. Get a massage. We need to treat outrselves here. Way too stressed out.
    81. Pay a private investigator to follow around that one sketchy friend we all have for an hour.
    82. Get a tent, and then pitch it on Healy Lawn.
    83. 31 months of The New York Times at the student subscription price.
    84. Invest in cloning research to replicate Jack the Bulldog.
    85. Bribe a member of the Jack Crew into letting you in the exclusive circle.
    86. Crock Pots are pretty cool. I bet they don’t cost $125.
    87. I don’t want you to buy Crocs with your newfound $125, but who am I to judge?
    88. If you leave Friday, you can pay for half of a one-way ticket to Vancouver.
    89. Four ice-skating lessons at The National Gallery of Art.
    90. How much do you think those Big Bus Tours of D.C. are?
    91. I’d like to play some competitive bingo somewhere.
    92. You can buy 10 packages of 12 wine tastings each at Great Barrell Oaks in Virginia.
    93. Doesn’t a wig party sound really fun? You could buy six wigs on Amazon.
    94. I’d really like to learn how to salsa dance. Wouldn’t you, Charlie?
    95. Forget salsa dancing, take hip-hop lessons. Or breakdancing lessons.
    96. Pub crawl through the District.
    97. Escape The Room.
    98. 25 of the 99 Days at Tombs.
    99. A classy party accessory. Shot roulette wheel, beer pong table, etc.
    100.    Probably 100 Wisey’s cookies
    101.   Buy a nice keg! Or, be cheap and buy two low-quality kegs!
    102.    Maybe even TWO açai bowls at Hilltoss. They’re expensive.
    103.    Have an arch nemesis? Hire a hitman. Boom.
    104.    On that note, maybe you could also hire a bodyguard for a day?
    105.    A ukulele.
    106.    Upgrade to Tinder PLUS.
    107.    A used surfboard.
    108.    Two years of Amazon Prime Student.
    109.    Rush a fraternity/sorority and pay your dues.
    110.   An Amazon Kindle.
    111.   Become a sugar daddy/mommy for a day.
    112.   Firewood.
    113.   A silverware set.
    114.   40 gallons of milk.
    115.   Skis or a snowboard.
    116.   Six Uber rides to Union Station.
    117.   A copy of the Declaration of Independence.
    118.   A dope Halloween costume.
    119.   Posters for your room.
    120.    Go skydiving.
    121.   A date with someone in 4E (jk, we’re priceless).
    122.    Just donate the money to us, we’ll take it!
    123.    Six trips to Pinstripes.
    124.    Season tickets for WOMEN’S Basketball #feminism.
    125.     Literally anything else.

The point is, friends, you can do so much with $125 that you shouldn’t feel obligated to attend basketball games that make you feel depressed. We’ll see how things look next year but in the meantime, Hoya Saxa! And, more importantly, #BEATNOVA(?)!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, gettyimages.com

36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

We’ve all heard it before; heck, those lucky guides in Blue & Gray tout it as one of the shining moments of a campus tour, delivered while standing in front of historic Dahlgren Chapel:

“Why yes, 60% of Hoyas do marry other Hoyas!”
*Guide shares a knowing smile with mom in crowd nudging her clearly uninterested son.*

Incredible, right?

Perhaps you’ve met your other half here on the Hilltop; maybe you’re part of the rumored 40% who will *enter dramatic music* meet your significant other after leaving Georgetown. 

Regardless, why not try finding love here now? Taking a page out of the New York Times Modern Love column, we at 4E developed…

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

The 36 questions are broken down into three parts. As you complete each section, the questions will get more and more intimate. If at any point in the in the questionnaire you feel uncomfortable, you may cease and desist. If this is your decision, we at 4E ask that you leave your partner without any notice in order to ensure that you two will avoid eye contact if you ever just so happen to be crossing Healy Lawn at the same time ever again.

Why not ask that special someone to a coffee date, a romantic night at Domino’s Pizza or a stroll to the benches in front of Dahlgren Chapel, just to set the mood? Take a chance on love and ask them these 36 questions. After all, love doesn’t just happen; it’s a choice.

*Disclaimer: 4E is not responsible for any unsuccessful love stories, as this is not a scientific study backed by any supporting evidence. However, we will take full credit if you do find love using our methods. We welcome you to send all complaints and/or suggestions to dja54@georgetown.edu.*

Part I

  1. Given the choice of any person in the world, who would you like to be your “Problem of God” professor?
  2. Would you like to be Georgetown famous? In like a “mentioned on Georgetown Confessions” way? Or maybe in a “God, can you believe he wrote a confession about himself?” kind of way?
  3. Before putting in your order at the pasta line at Leo’s, do you ever rehearse what you’ll say to the jolly employee?
  4. What would constitute a perfect Georgetown Day for you?
  5. When did you last “accidentally” order two quesadillas at Epi for yourself?
  6. If you make it big in the real world, what will be the first thing you give to Georgetown’s campus that it so desperately needs?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about why Rhino closed despite it’s undeniable earning power among Hoyas both above and underage?
  8. On the count of three, name your go-to Wisey’s order.
  9. What flavor of Burnett’s are you most grateful for?
  10. If you could change anything about your time on the Hilltop, what would it be?
  11. Take 90 seconds to tell your partner how Quick Pita positively impacted your life before its passing.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow with the power to change one thing permanently at Georgetown, what would it be?
    Part II
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, would you want to know if you’re working at Goldman Sachs, Deloitte or Teach for America?
  14. Is there a place on campus you’ve dreamed of taking that special someone to for a long time? Why don’t you lead them to Reiss rooftop right now?
  15. Without naming any clubs you finally got into, classes you aced or the number of chicken fingers you can down on Chicken Finger Thursday, what has been the greatest accomplishment of your Hoya existence?
  16. What do you value more in a roommate: cleanliness or their number of housing points?
  17. What is your most treasured memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  18. What is your most terrible memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  19. Knowing that graduation is looming, what is stopping you from going after the Hoya that got away?
  20. What did/does your friendship with your freshman year roommate mean to you?
  21. Has your love and affection for our men’s basketball team, despite the heartbreak inflicted, had a positive effect on your Georgetown experience?
  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive side effect of living in D.C. Share three items each.
  23. How tight-knit was your freshman floor? Do you feel that your freshman year experience on Darnall 6 was happier than that of most other Hoyas?
  24. On a scale of 1 to 10, how close are you with your dean?
    Part III
  25. Make three “we” statements with your partner. For example, “We at this bench have both stolen rolls of toilet paper from Regents and smuggled them out under our Barbour jackets.”
  26. Finish this sentence on the count of three: “I wish someone at Georgetown had told me … ” *Editor’s note – Do not both say your wish out loud at the same time. This will cancel out all wish-granting or time-travelling powers from the ghost of John Carroll who will be listening in from the clock tower.*
  27. Take turns sharing the basis, and then nitty-gritty details of the personal essay you submitted in your original Georgetown application.
  28. After taking one minute to dig through your memory bank, tell your partner about the first time that you saw them on campus. Be very honest as you explain what your first impression of your partner was.
  29. Share with your partner when or if this first impression changed.
  30. When was the first time you cried because Georgetown, in all its glory and madness, got the best of you?
  31. Tell your partner what you admire most about them.
  32. What, if anything, do you think Hoyas should care more about?
  33. Imagine that you are at the Lincoln Memorial watching the sunrise on the morning of your graduation. You will never again be surrounded by all your fellow classmates in one spot ever again. What is one thing you regret not having told someone, be they a friend or a face in the crowd who never became anything more?
  34. Why haven’t you told the aforementioned person what you think yet?
  35. Of all your friends, colleagues, professors, Jesuits or four-legged friends on the Hilltop, who are you most afraid of losing, metaphysically or metaphorically?
  36. Stand up and grab your partners’ hands in your own. Set a timer and stare into each others eyes soundlessly for 228 seconds, one for every year of Georgetown’s existence.

Thank you for your participation! Now get over to Tombs and laugh about how silly that was. Or, maybe it wasn’t. Best of luck.

Photos/Gifs: buzzfeed.com, giphy.com

Holidays and Hurling: A Guide to Your Hangovers

HangoverIt’s safe to say that the last month has been a whirlwind. The end of Thanksgiving break, all those formals, finals, finally coming home all in the holiday season, Christmas and New Year’s Eve has been a lot to handle. Amidst all the chaos, however, you probably still had time to go out and have fun with your friends. One or two nights (or maybe even all of them, if you’re ambitious) between that first study day and your first final probably looked something like this:You probably had an unbelievable night dressed as some holiday-related getup and posted the most basic picture of all time on Instagram. Meanwhile, you might have woken up the morning after and looked something like this:The mad rush to finish the fall semester ~with a bang~ included formals, sweaty Henle parties, trips to Chi Di, trips to Piano Bar (after getting rejected by Chi Di) and just relaxing evenings at Booey’s with friends. Most, if not all, of these experiences had you feeling down in the dumps the next morning or even later that night.

However, the holiday season has taught us at 4E that not all hangovers are the same. Maybe you woke up with just a slight headache one morning, but then the next morning you woke up feeling like death and slightly sick from all the Quick Pita food you had at 3 AM. So while 4E once told you how to survive those day-afters, I have composed a guide to classify what type of hangover you might be feeling as part of the Sunday Scaries.

  1. The Classic Beer Hangover– You wake up with nothing more than a pounding headache and the warm, delightful taste of Natty Light (read: you also smell like this, which makes you feel slightly queasy). This type of hangover probably came from a trip to Booey’s or the aforementioned sweaty Henle party. You’ll typically experience this throughout your time at Georgetown. The positive side of this experience? An easy remedy is to pop a few Advil and head to Leo’s.
  2. Death by Burnett’s– The other side to a typical party: a handle of some flavor of Burnett’s being passed around. Although you know this never ends well, you decide to go with the flow and deal with the consequences later. You wake up feeling ill. You feel sick and achy, but you manage to get up, clean yourself up, and then head out for the day. If you head to Leo’s brunch, this hangover is sure to be a thing of the past.
  3. The Aftereffects of Various Alcohols– The pregame started at 10 and you lasted until 2 AM. You had it all: beer, Burnett’s, some sort of juice and a sip of water at Epi (because that helps with the hangover, right?). Rumor has it there were even a few ~special~ ingredients in the jungle juice you had at that Vil B. Combining the aspects of the last two hangovers, your hangover makes you feel like death. Even after a shower, Advil and eating  the best of Leo’s brunch leaves you feeling hollow and just not your best. Unfortunately, the only way to get through this is to wait it out; by the end of the day, you’ll feel well enough to go out again and repeat the process.
  4. Post-Blackout-Mortem– Similar to the previous topic, you drank a hodgepodge of everything. You went from apartment to apartment to bar to bar, and made the most of every stop. Although you can only remember so much of it, you know you drank a lot since you wake up in the same clothes with some sort of orange liquid staining the front of said clothes. Is it a drink from last night or…? You don’t want to know, and you probably won’t find out unless your friend shows you the pictures that you wish didn’t exist. In the meantime, you focus on getting out of bed, because you can only think about one thing right now and even that takes every ounce of strength. Let’s just say that brushing your teeth, which is supposed to feel good, turns into a nightmare.
  5. Continuing Drunkenness– You wake up NOT HUNGOVER and feel like you’re on top of the world. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and figure what you can do next time to repeat the experience. As you begin to ponder this, however, your head starts to slightly throb until it feels like you’re being repeatedly thrown down the Lau steps. You start to feel sick and realize that your hangover is starting later than expected. Why? Because you were still drunk when you woke up. Although this may seem concerning, have no fear! Your options include accepting defeat or you could just keep it going! Either way you’re going to have a rough day. Nevertheless, you push forward.
  6. …Not Hungover?– Against all odds, you wake up truly not hungover and go about your day per usual. Either you didn’t drink that much or it’s just your lucky day. Although this is rare, it does happen. If it happens to you, congratulations! You can only go downhill from here.

So readers, take this as a guide for when you’re feeling under the weather on those Saturday/Sunday mornings of 2017. Happy New Year and, most importantly, stay responsible!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, viralchakra.com

Is It Too Late Now to Say Sorry? An Open Apology Letter to the Neighborhood

Sorry neighbor post

For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, the Washington City Paper recently wrote an article detailing the deplorable behavior of Georgetown students at this year’s annual Homecoming Celebration.

One local resident aptly described the experience as “one of the worst I have ever endured.” And we, here at 4E, could not agree more. We would like to not only apologize for the actions of all Georgetown students, but also recommend some drastic changes to ensure that this kind of behavior does not happen again next year.

Sorry for our alcohol consumption.

This one would make anyone upset. I’m sure our neighbors were shocked and appalled by both the quality and methods of alcohol consumption by the average 21+ Georgetown student at Homecoming. Improperly-shotgunning a can of Natty you found in the courtyard of Vil B? Taking straight shots of Cinnamon Burnett’s in the backyard of a random townhouse?

Come on guys, we can do better.

Improvements will be made and definitive steps will be taken to fix this problem. For Homecoming 2017, we at 4E propose the strict enforcement of minimum quality standards for all alcohol consumed throughout Georgetown. Next year, we hope our neighbors will be pleased to find students chugging warm cans of only the most refined craft beers, such as Bud or Coors Lite, and rest assured, we will make sure students remember to use chasers as they take shots of Raspberry or at the very least, Peach Burnett’s.

We apologize for blaring Closer by The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey on repeat all day.

This one is definitely on us. It’s a well-known fact that most Georgetown residents only enjoy the Chainsmoker’s older material and Halsey has gone way too mainstream for their taste. Based on lyrics alone, we should have guessed that they would hate this song. Contrary to popular belief, a vast majority of the Georgetown crowd actually can afford that Rover, and these days only a small number of them sport the requisite shoulder tattoos necessary for the choral bite.

I’ve been told by several inside sources that our neighbors would have strongly preferred if we had instead played Broccoli by D.R.A.M ft. Lil’ Yachty on a constant loop throughout the day. Neighbors, we hear you and we are sorry. Next year, we will stay away from the EDM all together and stick solely to playing loud trap music starting at 7 A.M.

We regret our ostentatious celebration after winning the football game.

This one is completely out of line. Most Georgetowners moved to the neighborhood with the expectation that the football team would win no more than three games per year. So starting the season at 3-0? Completely unacceptable. As the Washington City Paper aptly reported, the victory clearly spurred complete chaos. Here on campus, there were widespread reports throughout the day of several students clapping, displaying school spirit, and even going so far as to discuss the possibility of attending another football game later in the season.

This must be stopped.

Next year, we promise we will resume the longstanding tradition of freshman not knowing where the football field is located and the rest of us preemptively complaining about JT III months before basketball season starts.

We beg forgiveness regarding the comments of “The Wobbly Blonde Undergraduate.”

One diligent Georgetowner recalled her terrifying Homecoming ordeal to the Washington City Paper, reporting that, “I was told by a wobbly, blonde undergrad in slurred tones that I should have expected this before I moved here.” I personally am appalled by this one.

First of all, how could anyone expect this poor woman to know that there was a 227 year old major American university with more than 7,000 undergraduate students just down the road before she moved in? Who would expect such a thing in Georgetown of all places?

Secondly, a student daring to assert their opinion to an adult is bad enough, but a blonde undergrad having the audacity to speak up? This is nothing short of unacceptable. We all know these blondes are out of control. If they think they can do this, they’ll think they can do anything! If we don’t take action soon, what will the blondes think they can do next? Run for President? The anarchy must stop.

And so, our dear fellow Georgetonians, we hope you accept our sincerest apologies and thoroughly consider our suggested changes. Hoya Saxa and see you next year.

Disclaimer: We actually like blondes. Wobbly Blonde Undergraduate, you do you!

Gifs: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2dTDmYV

A Beginner’s Guide to Burnett’s

A guide to burnetts

Burnett’s. We’ve all ingested this flavored poison at some point and experienced its wonderful taste. Some people may have told you about the best and worst flavors. But let’s be real: times have changed, and people’s opinions and tolerances taste buds have well shifted.

Or maybe, they’re not sure what flavor suits them, and are just looking for their soul stealer mate (in terms of flavor, of course). Either way, students (21+) need an update on the way to drink Burnett’s in order to prepare for the school year ahead of us. As a proud member of Georgetown’s most ~debaucherous~ club, I am pleased to present a concise guide to drinking Burnett’s various different flavors.

  1. Sweet Tea: Commonly overlooked due to the fact that its taste will make anyone gag more than any other flavor, Sweet Tea is actually a very good mixer. You probably shouldn’t try to take shots of this. It just won’t end well for anyone.

Mix it with lemonade, and you’ve got a great summer drink. It’s commonly called the “John Daly.” With Burnett’s, however, I’m not sure if it really deserves a title. It’s just Sweet Tea Burnett’s with lemonade.

2. Pink Lemonade: Now we’re in the big leagues. Pink lemonade has caused several students to have unforgettable nights, whether at Village A or at Brown House. Although many students prefer to drink it straight in small amounts, it actually mixes really well with regular pink lemonade. Your drink will be so pink that it looks scary, but apparently it’s worth it in the end since it goes down much easier. So the ends justify the means, right?

3. Fruit Punch: This may surpass Pink Lemonade in excellence, because it goes down just as easily and isn’t too strong on the signature Burnett’s aftertaste. The only problem with this flavor itself is that it stays with you, as in you wake up the next morning with a haunting taste of fruit punch lingering in your palate. Mixing this flavor with 7-Up should neutralize the overwhelming flavor and allow you to enjoy it.

4. Lime: Hoyas have mixed feelings over this flavor. Some say it’s the only Burnett’s they can handle, while most say it’s their least favorite drink of all time. Personally, I have to go with the second opinion. If anything, I’d say mix it with Coke so that it will almost taste like Coke with Lime…. and a little bit of bleach.

5. Peach, Citrus, & Mango: I group these three together because of their God-awful flavors. Peach indeed has a peachy flavor, but not in a good way. Drinking Peach Burnett’s is similar to trying to make a good meal at Leo’s: it will work on a rare occasion, but most of the time you’ll end up worse than where you started. As for the other two, I’m definitely not a huge fan. They’re both sour and just do not go down easily, even when mixed with a strong mixer like Coke.

6. Vanilla: Vanilla deserves more credit. Many students criticize its taste, but that’s because they try to only take shots of it. They don’t try mixing it, and that just won’t end well for most flavors of Burnett’s. I recommend mixing Vanilla with either Coke or orange juice. That way, it’ll be like drinking either Vanilla Coke or a refreshing breakfast beverage. Once you try this, you’ll never try to take shots of Vanilla again.

7. Pineapple and Coconut: These two are grouped together because they’re ~tropical~ and also are delicious. Since these flavors are not as gross as some of the ones mentioned above, you can mix them with mixers like Sprite, Sierra Mist or 7-Up because the flavor will not have to be blocked out. Coconut mixed with Sprite is particularly good. I discovered these flavors in the latter part of last semester, and it was almost depressing to realize what I had been missing for so long. It’s also unfortunate because I’ve rarely seen these flavors in stores.

There are also many more flavors of Burnett’s, such as Cherry Cola or Blue Raspberry, but only try them if you’re feeling ambitious. At the end of the day, everyone has their own preference, and 4E is always here to guide you to making the “right” choice when it comes to drinking Burnett’s, should you ever find yourself in that unfortunate situation.

Images: giphy.com, http://www.drinkinginamerica.com/burnetts-thirty-flavors-and-counting/

Bed, Bath & Beyond Blacklisted: The Unofficial Back to School List

Back to School List

As most of you are packing up your rooms at home or just moving out of your apartments from your internship/summer job days, you’re probably asking yourself: “Am I missing anything?” While this packing process is quite overwhelming, the answer to that question is “Yes.” Yes, you are definitely missing a few back-to-college essentials that we can GUARANTEE you haven’t thought of.

If you are returning to the Hilltop, you may have realized that these items were necessary for your first few days at Georgetown, but for those of you who are new, you will be happy that you came across yet another 4E guide!

Here is our ~unofficial~ back to school list: 

Bottle-opener key chain: This item is essential for two reasons.

1. You need something to put your new dorm key on because you do not want to lose it! That $100 lost key charge could be better spent on Wisey’s sandwiches and Saxby’s cold brew! Also, you should probably lose the lanyard A$AP (that’s just 4E’s advice).

2. Once you have ditched that pesky lanyard you got at NSO, a bottle opener key chain will def prove handy when you are out and about “exploring” Georgetown.

This is NOT the guy who gets invited back next weekend. You've been warned.
This is NOT the guy who gets invited        back next weekend. You’ve been                                warned.

Extended phone charger: This item may not sound very cool, but trust me, it is essential when you know you’ll be either sleeping in bunk beds or lofted beds for the next few years. There is nothing worse than having to wake up with no battery on your phone or laying in bed and having to get up to charge it. #FirstWorldProblems

A big-a** bottle of Advil/Ibuprofen: This, my young friends, will be your saving grace. While you should drink water instead of resorting to Advil for those headaches (we won’t discuss how you got those!), we just recommend you have some a lot at hand. You will thank 4E later.

“Uh, and if you don’t know,                                now you know…”

Anything but a mesh trash can: Put quite simply, there will be some unsightly things entering that trash can this year. You don’t want anything leaking on the floor now, do you?

A 21-year-old “friend”: I don’t think I need to explain why this connection is something essential when stepping onto campus as an underclassman.

BETTER YET!

A fellow freshman with an older sibling at Georgetown: Who better to inform you, you youngin’, of the ins and outs of Georgetown than a living, breathing Hoya? (Answer: 4E, duh. We have all the answers.)

Blotting papers: Listen up – everyone will benefit from purchasing a pack of these to slide in your wallet. D.C. humidity is NOT – I repeat – NOT a joke. Things get sweaty real quick. Stay on top of your game. A great way to earn friends is to ensure they remain as put together as one can when braving the 85 and muggy temperatures of the Hilltop nightfall.

A Costco size jar of Nutella: Take it from someone who knows; there is nothing better to late-night binge eat than a heaping spoonful of Nutella. Unless that spoon has previously been dipped in some Skippy and you’re now slathering the entire mess onto a Double Stuffed Oreo.

Felt this in my loins.
Felt this in my loins.

A taste for the finer things: Leo’s brunch and plastic bottles of Burnetts now await you. Gone are the days of buying an 18-pack of Bud Light at your town bodega. Natty Light is your drink of choice now. Get used to it.

We are 99 percent sure this scene was actually shot in Leo’s during Sunday brunch hour.

A dictionary: However, in this case, a Webster simply won’t do. Brush up on your Georgetown lingo before arriving on the Hilltop with this 4E helping hand. Who’s lost in translation? Not you!

Your best smile :) It’s like Annie always said, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile!” The best years of your life await you. Greet them with open arms and you’ll reap the benefits.

Images: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2biBWVK 

Predicting a Freshman’s Georgetown Day

Banner - ForecastWell friends, it’s that time of year: the last week of classes. We’re almost to the point where we don’t have to go class every day of the week. Summer is so close, yet so far (because of the gloom of finals that hangs over our head). But fear not! There’s something even closer than finals that shines a little lot of light on our lives: Georgetown Day. There’s only one thing we at 4E can say about God’s springtime gift to us:

Actually, there’s a lot more we can say about Georgetown Day (just search it on our site). As a fledgling in September, I could only dream of Georgetown Day. I heard so much about it from upperclassmen. They talked about how it was like the Homecoming of the Spring, how it was a free pass to skip class to have the time of your life on a weekday and how it symbolized another terrific year coming to an end. I figured it had to be a great day. If it was anything like Homecoming, things were sure to get…crazy. However, I could not truly know what they were talking about since I still had not yet experienced it. But here we are. It’s time to celebrate in true Homecoming fashion:

*Only if you’re 21+, of course*

As I’m sure many other freshmen have not yet experienced Georgetown Day (and to those who have, congrats, but you’re still in our grade), I have composed a series of forecasts. Weather? Unimportant. I’m forecasting what may (or, disclaimer: may NOT) happen to you on this fateful day:

  1. Black out or back out. You’re at it from the get-go. One of your clubs starts partying at 7 AM and you are there right on time. You throw back some mimosas and before you know it, you switch to some stronger liquids. DANGEROUS, but you still pull through. The morning flies by and soon you’re strolling across campus, out of your mind feeling ~young, wild and free~. In the back of your mind, you know that there are going to be some pretty bad pictures of you the next day. You start to feel a bit more normal and decide to nap. But wait. You get dragged to another party before you can go sleep, but luckily the bouncer turns you away. Next, you run into another upperclassmen in your club (that met at 7 AM), and she convinces you to return to the party. Before you know, you’re back at it again. You later text some of your friends to see who’s up for Leo’s because at this point, food is the only option. One of them responds, so you leave the party…and you wake up in your bed at 2 AM, alone and confused. How did you get there? No one knows. Not even you. You had fun during the day, but regret the fact that you went too hard and could not keep going. Overall, you consider your day to not be a win.
  2. Black out and DON’T back out. You’re a champion. Your Georgetown Day experience is basically the same as that of #1, except you don’t retire to your room at 5 PM. One might compare this experience to the opening of Dylan Thomas’s poem Do not go gentle into that good night because, like the persona says, you “rage, rage against the dying of light.” Nothing drags you down. You apparently make it to several parties and live out the saying “lights on, no one’s home,” because your mind is just not in a good place. Your friends inform you of your actions the next morning, but you look back on the day with no regrets. You know that you killed it, and you are proud of your freshmen year finale.
  3. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. This is, arguably, the best route to take on this glorious day. It’s the advice most upperclassmen give to freshmen when darties happen. You do not go too hard throughout the day; instead, you keep a nice feeling going for the entire day and maybe even part of the night. There is not a single moment when you’re feeling too out of control or too subdued. You have the time of your life and remember everything. Your day comes to a close, and you lie in your bed, absently smiling at the ceiling as you look on over your perceived victory. You made it through Georgetown Day alive and spent the entire celebration with your friends! At the moment, you feel like you just finished the best day of your life.
  4. Becoming Nurse Ratchet. You spend the day painfully sober, taking care of your friends who need a certain type of assistance. Instead of becoming Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, you become Nurse Ratchet because…well, you know why this term applies here. Although I am all for helping friends, it would be not be very fun to take this route.

    Take care of them if necessary, but make sure you have fun too.

I, for one, am beyond excited for Friday. I think it’s going to be an ~interesting~ experience, especially if I and my classmates decide to go to our Problem of God section at 1 PM. The forecasts listed above give a general outline of how the day may go. Of course, anything could happen. There is always room for surprises on days like these. Which path will you take (or which will take you)?

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wruf.com

Party Themes 2.0

Party Themes 2.0

Whiteout. Anything But Clothes. Toga. Flannels and handles. In a report released this afternoon by the Frat Boy Association of America (FBAA), these time-honored, critically acclaimed college party themes have all earned the widely sought-after “ratchet” status.

These findings reveal a lack of innovation across the board. Although these classics never fail to deliver their fair share of jungle juice, Natty, crop tops and shame, we at 4E believe it’s time to make some cutting-edge contributions to today’s antiquated party theme options.

Your Favorite Handle

A good party theme is all about the double entendre/puns. Sport @yourfavoritetwitteraccount on your T-shirt or dress up like your favorite flavor of Burnett’s. Recommendations include @LILBTHEBASEDGOD and @amandabynes. If you go the vodka route, get creative with your flavor choice. Tropical punch, perhaps. Just not maple syrup because we told you that’s disgusting.

I Woke Up Like This

Channel your inner Sasha Fierce or wear slippers and a nightgown. This theme presents a juxtaposition between divas and bedheads that will keep the party interesting. There is also the opportunity to put the absolute maximum or the bare minimum effort into the costume depending on whether you choose to be Bey or a lazy pajama-clad college student for the night. Earn extra points by merging the two and somehow finding a way to pull off being Beyoncé in a onesie.

Basic and Basic

Although the term “basic” has started to grind my gears, it has party theme potential. Either incorporate some chemistry knowledge into your outfit via a cute and flirty pH scale drawing on your tank top or opt for yoga pants and Uggs (with the fur rolled down) while toting around a Starbucks holiday cup.

Middle School Dance and Cargo Pants

This theme aims to take you back to your school gym in the seventh grade. Party attire can include a combination of any of the following elements: Apple Bottom jeans, denim mini skirt, pink Converse, a choker and/or a Juicy Couture track jacket. For the boys, cargo pants with so many pockets that you could simultaneously store all of your Yu-Gi-Oh cards within them. (Also acceptable: those sweatpants with fifteen zippers that allowed one to change from pants to capris to shorts to boxer-length shorts in a few easy unzips). If you’re not chasing your drinks with Sunny D and following those body shots with a sip of Capri Sun, you’re doing it wrong.

And that’s all for now. Use these last days before Thanksgiving to give these themes a try or hold out until your last free weekend before finals. Because you can only dress in ABC so many times before you start to realize it’s cold out.

Photo: noisey.com