Holidays and Hurling: A Guide to Your Hangovers

HangoverIt’s safe to say that the last month has been a whirlwind. The end of Thanksgiving break, all those formals, finals, finally coming home all in the holiday season, Christmas and New Year’s Eve has been a lot to handle. Amidst all the chaos, however, you probably still had time to go out and have fun with your friends. One or two nights (or maybe even all of them, if you’re ambitious) between that first study day and your first final probably looked something like this:You probably had an unbelievable night dressed as some holiday-related getup and posted the most basic picture of all time on Instagram. Meanwhile, you might have woken up the morning after and looked something like this:The mad rush to finish the fall semester ~with a bang~ included formals, sweaty Henle parties, trips to Chi Di, trips to Piano Bar (after getting rejected by Chi Di) and just relaxing evenings at Booey’s with friends. Most, if not all, of these experiences had you feeling down in the dumps the next morning or even later that night.

However, the holiday season has taught us at 4E that not all hangovers are the same. Maybe you woke up with just a slight headache one morning, but then the next morning you woke up feeling like death and slightly sick from all the Quick Pita food you had at 3 AM. So while 4E once told you how to survive those day-afters, I have composed a guide to classify what type of hangover you might be feeling as part of the Sunday Scaries.

  1. The Classic Beer Hangover– You wake up with nothing more than a pounding headache and the warm, delightful taste of Natty Light (read: you also smell like this, which makes you feel slightly queasy). This type of hangover probably came from a trip to Booey’s or the aforementioned sweaty Henle party. You’ll typically experience this throughout your time at Georgetown. The positive side of this experience? An easy remedy is to pop a few Advil and head to Leo’s.
  2. Death by Burnett’s– The other side to a typical party: a handle of some flavor of Burnett’s being passed around. Although you know this never ends well, you decide to go with the flow and deal with the consequences later. You wake up feeling ill. You feel sick and achy, but you manage to get up, clean yourself up, and then head out for the day. If you head to Leo’s brunch, this hangover is sure to be a thing of the past.
  3. The Aftereffects of Various Alcohols– The pregame started at 10 and you lasted until 2 AM. You had it all: beer, Burnett’s, some sort of juice and a sip of water at Epi (because that helps with the hangover, right?). Rumor has it there were even a few ~special~ ingredients in the jungle juice you had at that Vil B. Combining the aspects of the last two hangovers, your hangover makes you feel like death. Even after a shower, Advil and eating  the best of Leo’s brunch leaves you feeling hollow and just not your best. Unfortunately, the only way to get through this is to wait it out; by the end of the day, you’ll feel well enough to go out again and repeat the process.
  4. Post-Blackout-Mortem– Similar to the previous topic, you drank a hodgepodge of everything. You went from apartment to apartment to bar to bar, and made the most of every stop. Although you can only remember so much of it, you know you drank a lot since you wake up in the same clothes with some sort of orange liquid staining the front of said clothes. Is it a drink from last night or…? You don’t want to know, and you probably won’t find out unless your friend shows you the pictures that you wish didn’t exist. In the meantime, you focus on getting out of bed, because you can only think about one thing right now and even that takes every ounce of strength. Let’s just say that brushing your teeth, which is supposed to feel good, turns into a nightmare.
  5. Continuing Drunkenness– You wake up NOT HUNGOVER and feel like you’re on top of the world. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and figure what you can do next time to repeat the experience. As you begin to ponder this, however, your head starts to slightly throb until it feels like you’re being repeatedly thrown down the Lau steps. You start to feel sick and realize that your hangover is starting later than expected. Why? Because you were still drunk when you woke up. Although this may seem concerning, have no fear! Your options include accepting defeat or you could just keep it going! Either way you’re going to have a rough day. Nevertheless, you push forward.
  6. …Not Hungover?– Against all odds, you wake up truly not hungover and go about your day per usual. Either you didn’t drink that much or it’s just your lucky day. Although this is rare, it does happen. If it happens to you, congratulations! You can only go downhill from here.

So readers, take this as a guide for when you’re feeling under the weather on those Saturday/Sunday mornings of 2017. Happy New Year and, most importantly, stay responsible!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, viralchakra.com

Is It Too Late Now to Say Sorry? An Open Apology Letter to the Neighborhood

Sorry neighbor post

For those of you who haven’t seen it yet, the Washington City Paper recently wrote an article detailing the deplorable behavior of Georgetown students at this year’s annual Homecoming Celebration.

One local resident aptly described the experience as “one of the worst I have ever endured.” And we, here at 4E, could not agree more. We would like to not only apologize for the actions of all Georgetown students, but also recommend some drastic changes to ensure that this kind of behavior does not happen again next year.

Sorry for our alcohol consumption.

This one would make anyone upset. I’m sure our neighbors were shocked and appalled by both the quality and methods of alcohol consumption by the average 21+ Georgetown student at Homecoming. Improperly-shotgunning a can of Natty you found in the courtyard of Vil B? Taking straight shots of Cinnamon Burnett’s in the backyard of a random townhouse?

Come on guys, we can do better.

Improvements will be made and definitive steps will be taken to fix this problem. For Homecoming 2017, we at 4E propose the strict enforcement of minimum quality standards for all alcohol consumed throughout Georgetown. Next year, we hope our neighbors will be pleased to find students chugging warm cans of only the most refined craft beers, such as Bud or Coors Lite, and rest assured, we will make sure students remember to use chasers as they take shots of Raspberry or at the very least, Peach Burnett’s.

We apologize for blaring Closer by The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey on repeat all day.

This one is definitely on us. It’s a well-known fact that most Georgetown residents only enjoy the Chainsmoker’s older material and Halsey has gone way too mainstream for their taste. Based on lyrics alone, we should have guessed that they would hate this song. Contrary to popular belief, a vast majority of the Georgetown crowd actually can afford that Rover, and these days only a small number of them sport the requisite shoulder tattoos necessary for the choral bite.

I’ve been told by several inside sources that our neighbors would have strongly preferred if we had instead played Broccoli by D.R.A.M ft. Lil’ Yachty on a constant loop throughout the day. Neighbors, we hear you and we are sorry. Next year, we will stay away from the EDM all together and stick solely to playing loud trap music starting at 7 A.M.

We regret our ostentatious celebration after winning the football game.

This one is completely out of line. Most Georgetowners moved to the neighborhood with the expectation that the football team would win no more than three games per year. So starting the season at 3-0? Completely unacceptable. As the Washington City Paper aptly reported, the victory clearly spurred complete chaos. Here on campus, there were widespread reports throughout the day of several students clapping, displaying school spirit, and even going so far as to discuss the possibility of attending another football game later in the season.

This must be stopped.

Next year, we promise we will resume the longstanding tradition of freshman not knowing where the football field is located and the rest of us preemptively complaining about JT III months before basketball season starts.

We beg forgiveness regarding the comments of “The Wobbly Blonde Undergraduate.”

One diligent Georgetowner recalled her terrifying Homecoming ordeal to the Washington City Paper, reporting that, “I was told by a wobbly, blonde undergrad in slurred tones that I should have expected this before I moved here.” I personally am appalled by this one.

First of all, how could anyone expect this poor woman to know that there was a 227 year old major American university with more than 7,000 undergraduate students just down the road before she moved in? Who would expect such a thing in Georgetown of all places?

Secondly, a student daring to assert their opinion to an adult is bad enough, but a blonde undergrad having the audacity to speak up? This is nothing short of unacceptable. We all know these blondes are out of control. If they think they can do this, they’ll think they can do anything! If we don’t take action soon, what will the blondes think they can do next? Run for President? The anarchy must stop.

And so, our dear fellow Georgetonians, we hope you accept our sincerest apologies and thoroughly consider our suggested changes. Hoya Saxa and see you next year.

Disclaimer: We actually like blondes. Wobbly Blonde Undergraduate, you do you!

Gifs: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2dTDmYV

A Beginner’s Guide to Burnett’s

A guide to burnetts

Burnett’s. We’ve all ingested this flavored poison at some point and experienced its wonderful taste. Some people may have told you about the best and worst flavors. But let’s be real: times have changed, and people’s opinions and tolerances taste buds have well shifted.

Or maybe, they’re not sure what flavor suits them, and are just looking for their soul stealer mate (in terms of flavor, of course). Either way, students (21+) need an update on the way to drink Burnett’s in order to prepare for the school year ahead of us. As a proud member of Georgetown’s most ~debaucherous~ club, I am pleased to present a concise guide to drinking Burnett’s various different flavors.

  1. Sweet Tea: Commonly overlooked due to the fact that its taste will make anyone gag more than any other flavor, Sweet Tea is actually a very good mixer. You probably shouldn’t try to take shots of this. It just won’t end well for anyone.

Mix it with lemonade, and you’ve got a great summer drink. It’s commonly called the “John Daly.” With Burnett’s, however, I’m not sure if it really deserves a title. It’s just Sweet Tea Burnett’s with lemonade.

2. Pink Lemonade: Now we’re in the big leagues. Pink lemonade has caused several students to have unforgettable nights, whether at Village A or at Brown House. Although many students prefer to drink it straight in small amounts, it actually mixes really well with regular pink lemonade. Your drink will be so pink that it looks scary, but apparently it’s worth it in the end since it goes down much easier. So the ends justify the means, right?

3. Fruit Punch: This may surpass Pink Lemonade in excellence, because it goes down just as easily and isn’t too strong on the signature Burnett’s aftertaste. The only problem with this flavor itself is that it stays with you, as in you wake up the next morning with a haunting taste of fruit punch lingering in your palate. Mixing this flavor with 7-Up should neutralize the overwhelming flavor and allow you to enjoy it.

4. Lime: Hoyas have mixed feelings over this flavor. Some say it’s the only Burnett’s they can handle, while most say it’s their least favorite drink of all time. Personally, I have to go with the second opinion. If anything, I’d say mix it with Coke so that it will almost taste like Coke with Lime…. and a little bit of bleach.

5. Peach, Citrus, & Mango: I group these three together because of their God-awful flavors. Peach indeed has a peachy flavor, but not in a good way. Drinking Peach Burnett’s is similar to trying to make a good meal at Leo’s: it will work on a rare occasion, but most of the time you’ll end up worse than where you started. As for the other two, I’m definitely not a huge fan. They’re both sour and just do not go down easily, even when mixed with a strong mixer like Coke.

6. Vanilla: Vanilla deserves more credit. Many students criticize its taste, but that’s because they try to only take shots of it. They don’t try mixing it, and that just won’t end well for most flavors of Burnett’s. I recommend mixing Vanilla with either Coke or orange juice. That way, it’ll be like drinking either Vanilla Coke or a refreshing breakfast beverage. Once you try this, you’ll never try to take shots of Vanilla again.

7. Pineapple and Coconut: These two are grouped together because they’re ~tropical~ and also are delicious. Since these flavors are not as gross as some of the ones mentioned above, you can mix them with mixers like Sprite, Sierra Mist or 7-Up because the flavor will not have to be blocked out. Coconut mixed with Sprite is particularly good. I discovered these flavors in the latter part of last semester, and it was almost depressing to realize what I had been missing for so long. It’s also unfortunate because I’ve rarely seen these flavors in stores.

There are also many more flavors of Burnett’s, such as Cherry Cola or Blue Raspberry, but only try them if you’re feeling ambitious. At the end of the day, everyone has their own preference, and 4E is always here to guide you to making the “right” choice when it comes to drinking Burnett’s, should you ever find yourself in that unfortunate situation.

Images: giphy.com, http://www.drinkinginamerica.com/burnetts-thirty-flavors-and-counting/

Bed, Bath & Beyond Blacklisted: The Unofficial Back to School List

Back to School List

As most of you are packing up your rooms at home or just moving out of your apartments from your internship/summer job days, you’re probably asking yourself: “Am I missing anything?” While this packing process is quite overwhelming, the answer to that question is “Yes.” Yes, you are definitely missing a few back-to-college essentials that we can GUARANTEE you haven’t thought of.

If you are returning to the Hilltop, you may have realized that these items were necessary for your first few days at Georgetown, but for those of you who are new, you will be happy that you came across yet another 4E guide!

Here is our ~unofficial~ back to school list: 

Bottle-opener key chain: This item is essential for two reasons.

1. You need something to put your new dorm key on because you do not want to lose it! That $100 lost key charge could be better spent on Wisey’s sandwiches and Saxby’s cold brew! Also, you should probably lose the lanyard A$AP (that’s just 4E’s advice).

2. Once you have ditched that pesky lanyard you got at NSO, a bottle opener key chain will def prove handy when you are out and about “exploring” Georgetown.

This is NOT the guy who gets invited back next weekend. You've been warned.
This is NOT the guy who gets invited        back next weekend. You’ve been                                warned.

Extended phone charger: This item may not sound very cool, but trust me, it is essential when you know you’ll be either sleeping in bunk beds or lofted beds for the next few years. There is nothing worse than having to wake up with no battery on your phone or laying in bed and having to get up to charge it. #FirstWorldProblems

A big-a** bottle of Advil/Ibuprofen: This, my young friends, will be your saving grace. While you should drink water instead of resorting to Advil for those headaches (we won’t discuss how you got those!), we just recommend you have some a lot at hand. You will thank 4E later.

“Uh, and if you don’t know,                                now you know…”

Anything but a mesh trash can: Put quite simply, there will be some unsightly things entering that trash can this year. You don’t want anything leaking on the floor now, do you?

A 21-year-old “friend”: I don’t think I need to explain why this connection is something essential when stepping onto campus as an underclassman.

BETTER YET!

A fellow freshman with an older sibling at Georgetown: Who better to inform you, you youngin’, of the ins and outs of Georgetown than a living, breathing Hoya? (Answer: 4E, duh. We have all the answers.)

Blotting papers: Listen up – everyone will benefit from purchasing a pack of these to slide in your wallet. D.C. humidity is NOT – I repeat – NOT a joke. Things get sweaty real quick. Stay on top of your game. A great way to earn friends is to ensure they remain as put together as one can when braving the 85 and muggy temperatures of the Hilltop nightfall.

A Costco size jar of Nutella: Take it from someone who knows; there is nothing better to late-night binge eat than a heaping spoonful of Nutella. Unless that spoon has previously been dipped in some Skippy and you’re now slathering the entire mess onto a Double Stuffed Oreo.

Felt this in my loins.
Felt this in my loins.

A taste for the finer things: Leo’s brunch and plastic bottles of Burnetts now await you. Gone are the days of buying an 18-pack of Bud Light at your town bodega. Natty Light is your drink of choice now. Get used to it.

We are 99 percent sure this scene was actually shot in Leo’s during Sunday brunch hour.

A dictionary: However, in this case, a Webster simply won’t do. Brush up on your Georgetown lingo before arriving on the Hilltop with this 4E helping hand. Who’s lost in translation? Not you!

Your best smile :) It’s like Annie always said, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile!” The best years of your life await you. Greet them with open arms and you’ll reap the benefits.

Images: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2biBWVK 

Predicting a Freshman’s Georgetown Day

Banner - ForecastWell friends, it’s that time of year: the last week of classes. We’re almost to the point where we don’t have to go class every day of the week. Summer is so close, yet so far (because of the gloom of finals that hangs over our head). But fear not! There’s something even closer than finals that shines a little lot of light on our lives: Georgetown Day. There’s only one thing we at 4E can say about God’s springtime gift to us:

Actually, there’s a lot more we can say about Georgetown Day (just search it on our site). As a fledgling in September, I could only dream of Georgetown Day. I heard so much about it from upperclassmen. They talked about how it was like the Homecoming of the Spring, how it was a free pass to skip class to have the time of your life on a weekday and how it symbolized another terrific year coming to an end. I figured it had to be a great day. If it was anything like Homecoming, things were sure to get…crazy. However, I could not truly know what they were talking about since I still had not yet experienced it. But here we are. It’s time to celebrate in true Homecoming fashion:

*Only if you’re 21+, of course*

As I’m sure many other freshmen have not yet experienced Georgetown Day (and to those who have, congrats, but you’re still in our grade), I have composed a series of forecasts. Weather? Unimportant. I’m forecasting what may (or, disclaimer: may NOT) happen to you on this fateful day:

  1. Black out or back out. You’re at it from the get-go. One of your clubs starts partying at 7 AM and you are there right on time. You throw back some mimosas and before you know it, you switch to some stronger liquids. DANGEROUS, but you still pull through. The morning flies by and soon you’re strolling across campus, out of your mind feeling ~young, wild and free~. In the back of your mind, you know that there are going to be some pretty bad pictures of you the next day. You start to feel a bit more normal and decide to nap. But wait. You get dragged to another party before you can go sleep, but luckily the bouncer turns you away. Next, you run into another upperclassmen in your club (that met at 7 AM), and she convinces you to return to the party. Before you know, you’re back at it again. You later text some of your friends to see who’s up for Leo’s because at this point, food is the only option. One of them responds, so you leave the party…and you wake up in your bed at 2 AM, alone and confused. How did you get there? No one knows. Not even you. You had fun during the day, but regret the fact that you went too hard and could not keep going. Overall, you consider your day to not be a win.
  2. Black out and DON’T back out. You’re a champion. Your Georgetown Day experience is basically the same as that of #1, except you don’t retire to your room at 5 PM. One might compare this experience to the opening of Dylan Thomas’s poem Do not go gentle into that good night because, like the persona says, you “rage, rage against the dying of light.” Nothing drags you down. You apparently make it to several parties and live out the saying “lights on, no one’s home,” because your mind is just not in a good place. Your friends inform you of your actions the next morning, but you look back on the day with no regrets. You know that you killed it, and you are proud of your freshmen year finale.
  3. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. This is, arguably, the best route to take on this glorious day. It’s the advice most upperclassmen give to freshmen when darties happen. You do not go too hard throughout the day; instead, you keep a nice feeling going for the entire day and maybe even part of the night. There is not a single moment when you’re feeling too out of control or too subdued. You have the time of your life and remember everything. Your day comes to a close, and you lie in your bed, absently smiling at the ceiling as you look on over your perceived victory. You made it through Georgetown Day alive and spent the entire celebration with your friends! At the moment, you feel like you just finished the best day of your life.
  4. Becoming Nurse Ratchet. You spend the day painfully sober, taking care of your friends who need a certain type of assistance. Instead of becoming Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, you become Nurse Ratchet because…well, you know why this term applies here. Although I am all for helping friends, it would be not be very fun to take this route.

    Take care of them if necessary, but make sure you have fun too.

I, for one, am beyond excited for Friday. I think it’s going to be an ~interesting~ experience, especially if I and my classmates decide to go to our Problem of God section at 1 PM. The forecasts listed above give a general outline of how the day may go. Of course, anything could happen. There is always room for surprises on days like these. Which path will you take (or which will take you)?

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wruf.com

Party Themes 2.0

Party Themes 2.0

Whiteout. Anything But Clothes. Toga. Flannels and handles. In a report released this afternoon by the Frat Boy Association of America (FBAA), these time-honored, critically acclaimed college party themes have all earned the widely sought-after “ratchet” status.

These findings reveal a lack of innovation across the board. Although these classics never fail to deliver their fair share of jungle juice, Natty, crop tops and shame, we at 4E believe it’s time to make some cutting-edge contributions to today’s antiquated party theme options.

Your Favorite Handle

A good party theme is all about the double entendre/puns. Sport @yourfavoritetwitteraccount on your T-shirt or dress up like your favorite flavor of Burnett’s. Recommendations include @LILBTHEBASEDGOD and @amandabynes. If you go the vodka route, get creative with your flavor choice. Tropical punch, perhaps. Just not maple syrup because we told you that’s disgusting.

I Woke Up Like This

Channel your inner Sasha Fierce or wear slippers and a nightgown. This theme presents a juxtaposition between divas and bedheads that will keep the party interesting. There is also the opportunity to put the absolute maximum or the bare minimum effort into the costume depending on whether you choose to be Bey or a lazy pajama-clad college student for the night. Earn extra points by merging the two and somehow finding a way to pull off being Beyoncé in a onesie.

Basic and Basic

Although the term “basic” has started to grind my gears, it has party theme potential. Either incorporate some chemistry knowledge into your outfit via a cute and flirty pH scale drawing on your tank top or opt for yoga pants and Uggs (with the fur rolled down) while toting around a Starbucks holiday cup.

Middle School Dance and Cargo Pants

This theme aims to take you back to your school gym in the seventh grade. Party attire can include a combination of any of the following elements: Apple Bottom jeans, denim mini skirt, pink Converse, a choker and/or a Juicy Couture track jacket. For the boys, cargo pants with so many pockets that you could simultaneously store all of your Yu-Gi-Oh cards within them. (Also acceptable: those sweatpants with fifteen zippers that allowed one to change from pants to capris to shorts to boxer-length shorts in a few easy unzips). If you’re not chasing your drinks with Sunny D and following those body shots with a sip of Capri Sun, you’re doing it wrong.

And that’s all for now. Use these last days before Thanksgiving to give these themes a try or hold out until your last free weekend before finals. Because you can only dress in ABC so many times before you start to realize it’s cold out.

Photo: noisey.com

Staffers of the Week: Jess Kelham-Hohler and Michelle Xu

staffer-of-the-week1

Once a week, The Hoya recognizes one or two staffers who have done a particularly awesome job — now you can get to know about them, too. As part of our Leavey 421 series, we’ll be posting quick interviews with each Staffer of the Week. This week our outstanding Hoya staffers are Jess Kelham-Hohler and Michelle Xu. Read about these awesome ladies here:

Jess Kelham-Hohler

Jess Staffer

Hometown: London, U.K.
School: College
Major: Undecided, probably English
Year: 2017
Position on the Hoya: Guide Editor

If you could create your own Georgetown course, what would it be called?

Netflix Addiction 101: Understanding the phenomenon of spending eight hours on Netflix a day.

What made you gravitate towards joining The Hoya?

I’d never written for a student newspaper before, and I just really wanted to give it a go. At the info session, they said if I wrote for The Guide I’d be able to go to film previews and write reviews of albums. I was completely sold. Plus I heard that some pretty cool people worked there.

Why did you earn Staffer of the Week?

For making the Fall Fashion issue with Michelle (who took all the amazing photographs). Apparently people like it, which I hope is true!

If you could be any flavor of Burnett’s, what would it be and why?

Probably sweet tea, because I’m a caffeine addict and it’s the only flavor that has some suggestion of caffeine content. Plus tea, my being English — it all goes together.

If you could be a Wisey’s sandwich, what would it be and why?

The California panini, because after going to LA for the first time last summer, all I do is dream of going back to the glorious Cali sunshine.

Best thing about fall is…?

The start of colder weather. I’m English, and therefore need the rain in order to survive. But really, everything is great about fall. Except for all the pumpkin. I shall never understand this nation’s obsession with pumpkin.

Michelle Xu

Michelle Staffer

Hometown: San Diego, CA
School: NHS
Major: Healthcare Management and Policy
Year: 2016
Position on the Hoya: Senior Photo Editor

If you could create your own Georgetown course, what would it be called?

If I could create my own Georgetown course, it would definitely be Nap Time. The more you nap, the higher your grade.

What made you gravitate towards joining The Hoya?

Over the summer between high school and college, I saw the old Senior Photo Editor post on Facebook about joining The Hoya as a photographer. Then I thought, “Hey… I can take pictures. I want friends… I’ll join the Hoya!”

Why did you earn Staffer of the Week?

I earned Staffer of the Week because Jess and I did a kick-ass Fashion Issue.

If you could be any flavor of Burnett’s, what would it be and why?

I would be Citrus Burnett’s because I mix well with anything!

Best thing about fall is…?

The best thing about fall is the changing colors. Red, orange and yellow leaves are much more interesting than green. They also make for great photos!

 Photos: Facebook

Rhino Temporarily Closes

rhinosclosed

Popular M Street spot Rhino Bar and Pumphouse will be closed through the weekend, leaving thirsty Hoyas looking for another place to spend their late nights.

After a February sting in which police officers found two underage girls with fake IDs and an underaged Georgetown student drinking a Bud Light inside the bar, the D.C. Alcoholic Beverage Control Board forced the temporary closure. In addition to being shuttered through this Saturday, July 12, the bar will have to pay a fine of $3,000.

In the end, I don’t know what’s more surprising: that they only found two people with fakes at the bar or that they found a Georgetown student drinking something as highfalutin’ as Bud instead of Burnett’s or Natty.

Anyway, I’m sure Rhino says sorry for not serving their delectable hot wings for a few days. And while these next five days might be difficult for some of the more dedicated Rhino-goers among us, we believe in you. To help, we compiled some options for how to cope with your loss:

1. Find another Georgetown bar to call home.

From Old Glory and Rí Rá to El Centro and Gypsy Sally’s, there are plenty of other places close to campus where you can get your drink on. And while they might not have the familiar atmosphere or abundance of Georgetown students, you might be surprised and find a new Georgetown favorite.

2. Use the opportunity to explore bars around D.C.

OK, so your favorite Georgetown bar is out for the count — at least this weekend — but there are hundreds of cool bars around the District. Take the chance to get familiar with a few of these options.

3. Hang out with underage people.

I’m actually pretty OK with Rhino being closed for the next few days because, as an underaged Hoya without a fake (you’re welcome, Mom), it means that more of you will be forced to hang out with me. So take advantage of the closure and do just that.

Together, we can get through the next four days without Rhino. Stay strong, Hoyas.

H/t to The Georgetowner

A Georgetown Day to Remember (Or Not)

Georgetown Day Planning

Here at 4E, we try not to exaggerate things too much. So don’t take it lightly when we say that in two days, you will experience the greatest day of the year. In other words, it’s Georgetown Day, and the end of the semester will be appropriately celebrated.

Now, I’m sure that plenty of our readers — whether they’re wide-eyed freshmen contemplating the shenanigans to come, or seniors ready to make their last Georgetown Day their best — have some plans for their day, or are at least trying to make a schedule for this day of debauchery. That’s why we’ve developed a planner for all of your Georgetown Day needs. Have fun comparing your answers here to your actual Friday — we guarantee that there will be some differences!

You wake up at [8:30 a.m. for that pesky French oral exam / 7 a.m. because you’re reaaaaaady to paaaaaarty]. But before you can head out the door for the perfect Georgetown Day, you need to put on your [hilarious bro tank, brah! / classy springtime sundress / whatever, because you’re going to spill something on it later anyway]. With your sartorial needs taken care of, you head outside to begin your day.

Your first goal is food, because what’s a day of drinking without some good eats? So you stop at Leo’s, where you grab: [A healthy b-fast because a Hoya’s got to start the day right before the magic happens! / All the tater tots available because they’re tater tots and do you even need a reason?! / Just some OJ … that you’re going to subtly add to this water bottle…]

Then it’s time to head off [for classy mimosas, you wouldn’t miss it for the world! / back to the dorm to pregame with friends / to class – you’re not spending your last Friday in shambles / wherever life, liberty and the pursuit of Burnett’s takes you].

As the day goes on, you eventually find yourself out on Healy Lawn. While there, you [go try some of the fun activities with your friends / buy a week’s worth of hot dogs and eat them all / pass out]. After some debate, your friends decide to [head to Leo’s! And Epi! And that vending machine over there! / carry you off the lawn, because it’s naptime].  

Evening rolls around. You’re feeling [however you normally feel on a Friday evening / tired, but it’s nothing a liter of Powerade won’t fix / ALIVE! HOYA SAXA]. Just because the sun’s going down doesn’t mean Georgetown Day is over! Here’s to a Georgetown Day for the ages… If you can remember it.

Photo: wikipedia.org

5 Reasons Georgetown Students are NOT Ron Swanson

Ron SwaaaIf you haven’t read my friend Emily’s original post 5 Reasons Georgetown Students are Ron Swanson, please do. She’s hilarious and the “Drunk Ron Swanson” gif is life-changing. That being said, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree. As an avid fan of “Parks and Recreation” and a meat enthusiast, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say Ron Swanson would never put his coveted stamp of approval on the Georgetown lifestyle. Here’s the evidence to back my claim up.

5 Reasons Georgetown Students are
NOT Ron Swanson:

1. The Government

60% of the Georgetown population identify as government majors, according to a statistic I just made up. They’re everywhere. It makes sense because we live in the nation’s capital with so many amazing opportunities to intern on Capital Hill. Impressive, right? You know who doesn’t care about any of that? Ron Swanson.

2. Burnett’s

4E likes to consider itself the voice of the people, only slightly funnier and much sassier. So we write about Burnett’s and Leo’s. We give the people want the they want. As college students, the options for weekend liquid consumption are limited by our empty wallets and nonexistent credit scores. So we don’t complain when a Vil A only has Natty’s and Burnett’s. It’s expected. It’s understandable. You know who doesn’t understand? Ron Swanson.

3. Sweetgreen

We like to consider ourselves a fairly healthy campus where Lululemon pants and organic lettuce purchases from Whole Foods run rampant. WE LOVE VEGETABLES. In fact, it is difficult  to go a day without seeing one of the paper SweetGreen bags. We love the stuff. How could you not? They use the freshest ingredients and the most filling bread.  Also, it was founded by 2 Georgetown students so it’s a win-win, right? Let’s see what our good friend Ron Swanson has to say about this.

4. Yates

Running in a similar vein, I wonder what Mr. Swanson’s personal statement on exercise is…

5. Social Media

Guys we rock at social media. Post it on Facebook. Tweet it. Instagram it. BLOG it. We’re there. It’s kind of our forté outside of procrastinating and subsequently stressing out about how much we procrastinated. Georgetown was actually ranked #1 in social media influence out of colleges in the DMV area. You know who sucks at social media? Ron Swanson. It’s actually kind of sad as evidenced by the selfie he accidentally vined. #Basic

Stay gold, Ron Swanson. Keep fighting the good fight against the establishment, vegetarianism and technology. It’s a fight you’re sure to win.

Gifs: tumblr.com; Photo: tumblr.com