The 5 Parents You Will Meet During Parents Weekend

Take a break from rationing your remaining flex dollars and crying at the thought of having to eat at New Leo’s, because Parents Weekend (a.k.a. Beg Your Parents to Buy You Food Weekend) is upon us. And while it’s certainly nice to see the ‘rents (s/o my fellow #millennials), there are always some moms and dads you should be on the lookout for. To help you out, we’ve complied a list of the five parents you will meet during Parents Weekend:

1. The “Alumnus”

This parent answers the hypothetical question, “What if Jersey Night was somehow a dad?” Get ready for a weekend full of some definitely-not-exaggerated stories about those “wild nights at The Tombs” and how he/she totally used to “party with Patrick Ewing” “back in the day”. The “Alumnus” can usually be found reminiscing about how “the drinking age used to be 18” or how “the basketball team used to be good,” while staring wistfully at Healy and telling you about the time his/her roommate fell out of a New South window. Should you have to interact with one of these parents over the course of your weekend, our best advice is to continually reassure the “Alumnus” that you too love the movie St. Elmo’s Fire, while casually hinting how “cool” it would be if someone could buy you a case of Natty.

The “Alumnus” “Back in the Day”

2. The “Empty-Nester”

This parent is still having a hard time accepting that the baby of the family is off at college. The Empty-Nester will spend the weekend doing the child’s laundry and thanklessly trying to replicate a home-cooked meal in the middle of a VCW common room. If your parent is the “Empty-Nester”, be sure to blatantly lie reassure them that you are making good choices, exercising regularly, and studying diligently every night before going to sleep promptly at 10 p.m. If you come into contact with someone else’s “Empty-Nester” mom or dad, be sure to nod sympathetically and mention how your own parents have simply replaced you with a dog.

The “Empty-Nester” at Parents Weekend

3. The “Well, MY Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

This parent is hopelessly out of touch with reality. When meeting other parents, this mom or dad will immediately assert a (false) superiority by saying some variation of “Well, my [insert child’s name] isn’t much of a partier” or “Well, my [insert child’s name here] is too busy studying to really go out much”.  Nine times out of ten, this parent’s beloved child is the same child you once found passed out next to an empty can of Four Loko in a bathroom on a Tuesday night. If you meet one of these parents, resist the urge to show off all those incriminating Snapchats you’ve screenshotted, and simply go along with the naïve charade. Someday, likely in the form of a hospital bill after [insert child’s name here] is GERMSed from falling down the Vil A rooftop steps, the truth behind all those alleged “nights in Lau” will come out. But Parents Weekend is not that day.

Interacting with The “Well, My Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

4. The “Is This Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend??”

This parent will spend the entire weekend launching a full-scale, Spanish-Inquisition-style investigation into his or her child’s dating life. This will include asking every carbon-based lifeform that comes within ten feet of New South, “So…you and [insert child’s name] are…friends?” If this is your parent, expect a weekend of having your room discreetly searched for evidence, and continually being asked “whom are you texting?” and “is there anything you want to tell me?” as you walk around campus. If you find yourself in a situation where this is one of your friend’s parents, we suggest you remove yourself from this situation as quickly as possible, unless you want to become the next contestant on a never-ending Jeopardy episode where every category is just “Are You Dating My Son???”

We have all met this mom

5. The “Trump Supporter”

This one goes out to you, Hoyas from Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. So step away from the “H*yas for Choice” table and rip that “Feel the Bern” sticker off your laptop, because all your friends are about to find out that your parent(s) are wholly responsible for the horrible and embarrassing end of American Democracy as we know it voted for Donald J. Trump. If you want to keep some semblance of familial cordiality and make it through the weekend on speaking terms, follow some of these helpful tips and tricks:

  • DO NOT mention what happened when Jeff Sessions spoke at the Law School a few weeks ago.
  • DO NOT mention that Hillary spoke in Gaston last year.
  • DO NOT mention anything about her famous Hoya Husband either.
  • DO mention that Steve Bannon and Paul Manafort are alumni? (#notmyhoyas).
You, when your “Trump Supporter” parents talk to your friends

So there you have it: The five parents you will meet on parents weekend. From all of us here at 4E: be safe, have fun, and enjoy putting off that midterm paper in favor of getting brunch with the #rents.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wisegeek.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 10/16)

We back. Hopefully, you’re staying alive through Midterm Seizin’! If not, same. Enjoy this week’s vibes! :)

  1. Tinashe – Vulnerable [Dave Luxe Remix]
    https://soundcloud.com/nickraymondg/tinashe-vulnerable-dave-luxe-remix-free-download
  2. Gnash & Olivia O’Brien – i hate u, i love u [Deepend Remix]
    https://open.spotify.com/track/06o6dZ9ekqfEvQNRePKoZg
  3. Gianni & Kyle – Fuckboi
    https://open.spotify.com/track/32KfE0P20ygmMvYJSBDW6F
  4. Destiny’s Child – Cater 2 U [Carling Ruse vs. Ruddyp Remix]
    https://soundcloud.com/roger-zhang-408353583/destinys-child-cater-2-u-carling-ruse-vs-ruddyp-remix
  5. RAY BLK – 5050
    https://open.spotify.com/track/2Lgnw8C0L1EaaENqCx1lAA
  6. Mansionz – STFU (ft. Spark Master Tape)
    https://soundcloud.com/mansionz/stfu
  7. STWO – Lovin U
    https://soundcloud.com/liveforthefunk/stwo-lovin-u
  8. MOTHXR – Victim
    https://open.spotify.com/track/700ERhoQGOTd5h7J4xu1Us
  9. Da Wallach – Disaster
    https://open.spotify.com/track/1387vgNIuxDrOdsPXpC8Rx
  10. Childish Gambino – Do Ya Like
    https://soundcloud.com/user1194182/do-ya-like-childish-gambino

    2 more weeks until Halloweekend.

    4 More weeks until break.

    We got this, Fam.


    GIFS/Music/Photos: soundcloud.com, giphy.com, spotify.com, eventbrite.com 

Georgetown’s Top Five New Dining Options

Leo’s is back, but is it better than ever? For those of you who have not yet stirred up the courage to venture into territory without self-serve and oversized portions, 4E’s got you covered with a rundown of Hoya Hospitality’s five most ~hospitable~ new dining options.

  1. Bodega (M-Th: 11:00 a.m. – 11:00 p.m.; F: 11:00 a.m. – 9:00 p.m.; Sat: 7:30 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.; Sun: 4:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.)
    Overview: As far as ready-made sandwiches go, Bodega fares pretty well among our taste buds and offers an option for every occasion. Ready to pig out after a gruesome Yates workout? The Turkey Avocado Club with Bacon boasts a heaping three slices of bread. Inspired to develop a more cultured palate after taking French? Essaie le Cashew Chicken Salad Croissant pour changer! Feeling dietary self-hatred a healthier alternative? The Grilled Vegetable Hummus Ciabatta is the go-to low-cal option. For those of you who aren’t in a sandwich state of mind, there are also daily entrées and sides that you can mix and match to your stomach’s content. And because Bodega’s offerings are chiefly grab-and-go, the line for these cooked meals are the shortest among all of upper Leo’s. That being said, there’s always room for improvement. Entrée portions likely won’t satiate those of you over the age of six and Bodega’s salads, though listed as having four variations, are pretty standardized. They also ~allegedly~ contain frozen lettuce chunks on the bottom. Alas, this is still Leo’s after all.
    Keep up the: taste, variety, efficiency, hours of operation
    Watch out for: salads, entree and side portions
  2. Launch Test Kitchen (M-Th: 11:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m., 4:30 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.; F: 11:00 a.m. – 2:30 p.m.; S-S: Closed)
    Overview: This vendor is as close as Leo’s comes to fine dining. For overindulged Hoyas suffering the loss of mommy’s Blue Apron meals, Launch offers themed cuisines from around the world. Previous successes include the Chicken Tikka Masala from Indian week, the lobster roll from seafood week, and the baked biscuits from southern week. As Leo’s most ~premium~ option, Launch meals present the most bang-for-your-meal-exchange — but only Monday through Friday. That’s right, Launch is the sole upper Leo’s vendor that closes for the entire weekend. On the weekdays, it’s best to stick with what you know. Avoid accepting free samples from the Test Kitchen with suspiciously fancy names, like “corn purée with butter cappuccino,” which I’m ready to believe was really liquid butter in disguise.
    Pro tip: Bring your Problem of God reading for the wait, as Launch lines are notoriously the longest on all of upper Leo’s.
    Keep up the: taste, diversity, meal exchange worth
    Watch out for: lines, free samples, hours of operation
  3. Crop Chop (M-F: 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.; S-S: Closed)
    Overview: Unlike Bodega’s ice boxed salads and lower Leo’s shabby salad bar, Crop Chop has restored our trust in the quality of college salad. In fact, with topping options such as steak, quinoa, and avocado, it may even be (though probably isn’t) a young Sweetgreen in the making. Popular pre-curated options include the classic Kale Caesar and the flavorful Quinoa Crunch, but more advanced Crop Chop enthusiasts know the splendors of make-your-own. Warning: this option is not for the faint of heart. The employees are known to be a little snappy, so have a friend place your order if you’re not the confrontational type. And if choosing a base, five toppings, and protein is too much on your plate, don’t worry — you’ll have plenty of time to think in a line that wraps around the corner of the hallway.
    Immoral pro tip: Ask for avocado, even when they say it costs extra, because they’ll forget by the time your salad makes it to the register.
    Keep up the: taste, variety, portions
    Watch out for: lines, hours of operation, snappy staff
  4. 5Spice (M-Th: 11:00 a.m. – 9:00 p.m.; F: 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.; Sat: Closed; Sun: 4:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.)
    Overview: This weekly changing vendor is a hit or miss. Quasi-General Tso’s sesame chicken from Chinese week = hit. Overly-drunken drunken noodles from Thai week = miss. With both sweet and savory meals, 5Spice is always a reliable source of refreshingly adequate portion sizes. Overall, besides its sub-Cup-O-Noodle grade ramen bar, 5Spice’s culturally themed offerings are your best bet for Asian food on campus. But if you decide to ditch the line for less egregiously inauthentic cuisine, don’t worry — you probably hadn’t moved up very far in it anyway.
    Keep up the: general taste, diversity, portions
    Watch out for: lines, inauthenticity
  5. Chick-Fil-A (M-F: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.; S-S: 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.)
    Overview: Before you seriously question our judgment in degrading the makers of the OG chicken sandwich to fifth place, give us a chance to explain. For one, Hoya Court’s Chick-Fil-A is the only new dining option that doesn’t accept meal exchange. Faced with the quandary of filling our stomachs while emptying our wallets, there’s not much to do but bask in the golden glory of those waffle-cut fries while they last. On an equally discouraging note, the wait duration here typically surpasses even those of Launch and 5Spice. In a time crunch, it may be easier just to slap some of lower Leo’s chicken fingers on a couple southern biscuits from Launch. Despite all this, there’s not much one can do to resist a hankering for Chick-Fil-A. As they say, you win some, you lose some.
    Keep up the: taste
    Watch out for: lines, cost

There you have it folks: we’ll leave it up to you to weigh the pros and cons of Georgetown’s new dining options and decide whether they’re worth a visit.

Photos/Gifs: thebalance.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com

Monday Music Update! (Week of 10/12/17)

Hellooo! It’s Monday. So here are some suggested tracks to hit up during the week. Definitely a ~~feels~~ playlist:

  1. Miguel – Sure Thing (Andrey Azizov Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/andrey-azizov/miguel-sure-thing-dreymix
  2. Karen Harding – Say Something (Zac Samuel Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/zacsamuel/karen-harding-say-something-zac-samuel-remix
  3. Nessly – Catch a Vibe
    https://soundcloud.com/deandre-grant/nessly-catch-a-vibe
  4. Destiny’s Child – Say My Name (Cyril Hahn Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/wetheurban/destinys-child-say-my-name
  5. 6LACK – Ex Calling
    https://soundcloud.com/6lack/ex-calling
  6. Rob Curly – Eleven 11:/11 (Prod. Felly)
    https://soundcloud.com/robcurly/eleven
  7. Goldroom – Embrace (Dusta Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/user-721037130/goldroom-embrace-dusta-remix
  8. Lavi$h & Kingsley – Throwback
    https://soundcloud.com/vinsint/throwback-x-lavih-kingsley
  9. Soulja Boy – Kiss Me Thru the Phone (Enschway Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/jorrdss/kiss-me-thru-the-phone-austin-johnson-enschway-re-remix
  10. Opia – Falling (Wheathin Redo)
    https://soundcloud.com/ricky_cervantes/often-side-project-mix

Midterms got nothing on us. You got this fam.

GIFS/Music/Photos: soundcloud.com, giphy.com, pinterest.com

Monday Music Update!

Here are some tracks you should hit up during the week! Keep holding on: The weekend will be here before you know it. You got this.

  1. Jori Vague (ft. Ave Often)  – Focus
    https://soundcloud.com/jorivague/focus
  2. Dua Lipa – New Rules (Alison Wonderland Remix)
    https://open.spotify.com/track/5Fx2UrcQobzM1h2ihdhsmm?fo=1&utm_medium=share&utm_source=desktop&success=1#_=_
  3. MO – Nights with You (Nonsens Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/momomoyouth/nights-with-you-nonsens-remix-free-download
  4. Musæus – Redbone + Tupac Mashup
    https://soundcloud.com/simen-musaeus/redbone-tupac
  5. Digital Farm Animals – True (Jay Pryor Remix)
    https://soundcloud.com/thefallingappleremixes/digital-farm-animals-true-jay-pryor-remix
  6. PLS&TY – Run Wild
    https://soundcloud.com/pls-ty/plsty-run-wild
  7. Kill Them With Colour – Always Somethin
    https://soundcloud.com/killthemwithcolour/alwayssomethin
  8. GUAP BEATS – Bad And Boujee X Super Freak Full Mashup
    https://soundcloud.com/guapbeats/bad-and-boujee-x-super-freak-full-mashup
  9. Drake – Sweeter Man
    https://soundcloud.com/1800_n_yo_mamas_crib/drake-sweeter-man
  10. Party Next Door – Break from Toronto (Old, but still #vibes)
    https://soundcloud.com/eloseeoh/party-next-door-break-from

Happy Monday from 4E!!

Music/GIF Source: soundcloud.com, spotify.com, giphy.com

What to Do on GAAP Weekend: Prospective Student Edition

Dear Class of 2021, and so on and so forth,

WELCOME to the Hilltop. D.C. or, as both the cool kids and the geotag call it, “the District,”  is breathtakingly beautiful and the Georgetown bubble (aka my happy place) is nestled in a cozy corner of this vibrant and inspiring city. Home to an ambitious and driven student body, professors for whom one is willing to spend hours studying on Lau 4 and one well-loved bulldog, Georgetown is well worth visiting. Sign up to have a Blue and Gray tour guide escort you along patios strewn with empty beer cans the Vil A rooftops and point out where Bill Clinton lived in Harbin Hall, before he left communal bathrooms and his cluster for a marginally-more-upscale White House residence. Additionally, please make note of following important “Do’s and Don’ts” of visiting our campus.

Don’t try to join the meme page

Please don’t pretend that you’re a non-conforming Jesuit teen. Prep school has not prepared you for this type of meme mastery. One ~incredibly persuasive~ reason to attend this university and surround yourself with peers who also did quite well on the SAT, is the high caliber of meme quality that you will find here. However, seeing as you don’t go here (yet), you probably won’t be able to fully appreciate our self-deprecating jokes. Additionally, by bemoaning the state of Leo’s, Lau and the basketball program, the meme page fails to highlight the many things that make Georgetown so wonderful, and we don’t want you to get the wrong impression.

Don’t disrespect Leo’s

What are the odds that Leo’s will look like the Hogwarts’ Great Hall after the remodel? (unfortunately slim..)

To the hordes of red-sweatshirt clad minions getting WAY too excited about the weird ice cream flavors and groups of parents concernedly poking at salads, I don’t really understand why you are here. First of all, it’s O’Donovan’s by the Waterfront, to you. You are not allowed to poke fun at Leo’s mysterious lack of forks, soggy scrambled eggs, or constant abundance of gross Rum Raisin ice cream unless you have spent 14-18 meals a week in this fine establishment, and Kim Kim knows you by name. Second, while Georgetown is truly an incredible place, our on-campus dining options are not the reason that my future children’s first words will be “Hoya Saxa.”

Don’t brag about going to Georgetown “Frat Parties”

I would like to help you make the important distinction between a “frat party” and a party (or awkward, sweaty gathering) thrown by a frat in a cramped and dimly lit Henle apartment. I suppose I am powerless to stop you from putting a video of yourself singing along to Closer on your Snapchat story or taking a shot of Vanilla Burnett’s (Disclaimer: teen drinking is very bad, and also illegal). Just know that you’re not as cool as you think you are.

Do bask in the glory of Healy Hall

Does looking up at the Healy clock tower give you chills? Copley Lawn, peppered with Hoyas studying on blankets, throwing frisbees and laughing with their friends, feels so perfectly collegiate. The idyllic-ness of the hundreds of color-coordinated tulips gently swaying in the breeze by the front gates (almost) justifies the exorbitant cost of arranging such botanical displays. Can you resist taking a picture with John Carroll? Of course not. He is the GOAT, and you probably won’t get in if you don’t document meeting him (in statue form). Please note, this is not all too good to be true. I can assure you that one year later, when I am hammocking with my favorite people on the front lawn, it still feels just as magical.

A few additional points of clarification:

  • If you got the impression on your tour that The Corp rules this campus, this intuition is quite correct.
  • Jack the Bulldog and I are in an exclusive relationship. Take as many pictures with him as you would like, but he and I have already booked a date for our Dahlgren Chapel wedding.

Photos/gifs: msfs.georgetown.edu, giphy.com, facebook.com

Hillary is Coming to the Hilltop

If you’re anything like us here at 4E, you probably freaked out pretty hard when you found out Hillary was coming to campus. I mean, after all, What Dreams Are Made Of” is a modern classic.

But after watching “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” for the umpteenth time in order to prepare ourselves for what we thought would be the first stop in the 2017 Hillary Duff Comeback Tour, we noticed something a little odd about our email invitations to the event in Gaston Hall on Friday.

The invitation didn’t say Hillary Duff, it said Hillary Rodham ClintonThis couldn’t be.

Last we’d heard, the former Secretary of State and pantsuit-aficionado was lost deep in the woods of Chappaqua, New York with her dogs. We wanted to do something about it, but sending a search team to look for America’s most accomplished grandma isn’t a part of The Hoya‘s budget.

At first, we didn’t know what to think. After months of #FakeNews, we didn’t know if we could even trust our own eyes. But there it was right in front of us.

The Hon. Hillary Rodham Clinton is coming to the Hilltop!

Since the announcement, questions have arisen.

  1. Do we get in line at 3 AM or 4 AM?
  2. Should we wear that old campaign T-shirt we haven’t been able to look at since November 8th without vigorously crying?
  3. Will she mention Trump?
    (Editor’s note: In a perfect world, he would show up at the speech too and they’d have a wizard’s duel à la McGonagall and Snape in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” over the presidency but hey, we get that that might be asking for a little too much. In fairness though, Healy Hall has always reminded us of Hogwarts.)

Whatever Hillz says, we’re sure it’ll be memorable. Almost as memorable as that time she won the popular vote by a few million votes and somehow still didn’t become president! Hahaha you’re so funny @ElectoralCollege! We’ll never get over that one! #TBT

Oh and Bill, if you see this, feel free to come too. We promise to get you lots of balloons.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com, buzzfeed.com

Georgetown Buildings and the Hoyas You Find in Them

Welcome back to the Hilltop, Hoyas! With the first full weeks of classes upon us, you are likely still navigating your way to new buildings and classes, trying to get the hang of your new schedule. From debatably fictitious buildings like Maguire (pro-tip: it’s connected to Healy), to St. Mary’s – located even farther away than Darnall, to the labyrinth affectionately known as the ICC, to spaces within buildings that have their own designations (Sellinger Lounge?) – Georgetown seems to pride itself on the complexity of its campus layout. Alongside simply figuring out where your classes are and how you can get to them, you should also know the secrets required to assimilate into each building’s culture. Fear not—4E presents you with a quick analysis of the types of people that characterize some of the most popular buildings on campus.

Regents Hall

If the students around you look like they spent the night here, it is probably because they did. The aesthetic is pants, long sleeves, and closed-toe shoes, easily accessorized with lab goggles and a white coat. Lab chic, amiright? Safety is beauty. You know that you are in the right place if you are overhearing an excessive number of acronyms and words that may or may not be in the English language. Looking to fit in? Tell someone that you spent the afternoon doing a lab involving <insert long and complicated made-up word> acid.

Buzzwords: Erlenmeyer flask, formal lab report, pipette, preliminary plan of action, fume hood.

The ICC

Making their way around one of Georgetown’s most iconic and confusing buildings are Bill Clinton-esque prodigies, people whispering to themselves in languages other than English and an understandably large number of people who are utterly lost. You will likely come across some upshot nice students engaged in a heated argument with a PhD-armed professor who is kindly indulging their arrogant interesting ideas.

Buzzwords: proficiency test, pro-seminar, Map of Modern World, and an excessive number of acronyms that are oddly pronounced as words (STIA [stee-yah], IPEC [eye-peck], IPOL [eye-pole], IECO [echo???]) so as to fool all of us common folk not in the SFS [ess-effffffffU-ess].

MSB

You will feel immediately self-conscious upon entering the looming home of the infamous MSBros (and betches!). Surrounded by suit-clad students, you are well aware that you should have worn something other than your go-to cozy Lau-fit for class. Is one’s understanding of “Business Casual” attire considered in the business school admissions process? Very likely, yes.

While you may have been “shhh-ed” merely upon entering the MSB and your new MSBuds might be a little intimidating, don’t worry – underneath their layers of unnecessary dress clothes, the Georgetown MSB-ers tend to be friendly and dependable.

Buzzwords: finance (pronounced: “fen-ants”), interest rates, money and internship.

Reiss

Upon first glance, the inhabitants of Reiss may seem a little downtrodden: under-eye bags are all the rage, the parade in and out of large pre-med lectures appears slightly ominous and students are carting around textbooks large enough to justify foregoing weightlifting at Yates. However, look a little further and you’ll see students passionately gesticulating to each other to explain cool biological processes. You may even find new friends in the peaceful science-nerd oasis commonly known as the Blommer Research Library. Under Reiss’s crumbling (and questionably earthquake safe) façade is a group of passionate, dedicated and proudly nerdy individuals.

Buzzwords: pre-med prereq.’s, Born-Haber Cycle, R-group interactions, electronegativity, proof and lecture-capture.

Car Barn

The designation “CBN” on student schedules is sure to elicit groans as Car Barn is a full FOUR minutes farther than any other location on our ENORMOUS campus (sarcasm aside, I am groaning along with you all).

There are two primary types of Hoyas to be found in the infamous Car Barn. The first category of students is there for Einstein Bagel’s. A large number of students might be observed double-fisting bagels, eager to use a meal swipe at Einstein’s and substitute a bagel AND a smoothie for Leo’s questionable scrambled eggs.

The second group of Hoyas is involved in a Study Abroad program. You will find students excitingly chattering about their experiences studying or plans to study in exotic locations. My personal theory is that the Office of Global Education chose their Car Barn location knowing full well that students who recently spent time on the other side of the globe think nothing of walking a few blocks off of campus.

Buzzwords: strawberry-banana smoothie, “toasted, please,” language requirement and study proposal form.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

How to Throw the Perfect Inauguration Day Party

January 20th 2017 is an important date for two reasons. First, it marks the inauguration of our nation’s 45th President and ushers in a new and unprecedented era in American history. Secondly, and much more importantly, it’s an official Georgetown University holiday, which means that we all get to be MSB students for a day and share in the luxurious experience of having no Friday classes! So if you’re searching for a fun way to spend your day off, look no further: we here at 4E have got you covered with some tips and tricks for the perfect Inauguration Day party.

Find the perfect spot to host

When you’re searching for the right place to throw your Inauguration Day bash, we recommend you choose a different location from wherever you hosted your Election Night party a few months ago- after all, nothing ruins a good party faster than terrifying flashbacks! Your best bet in terms of location is definitely the Village A rooftop. While you can’t really see the Capitol building from the roof, you can see the Washington Monument, which we all know provides the perfect patriotic background for that inevitable Inauguration Day Instagram, which you’ll probably post with an original, hilarious caption like #MakeAmericaLITagain

Invite some VIPs

To quote our next President, your party can’t be full of “losers and haters,” so when it comes to making your guest list, be sure to go the extra mile. Actually, you don’t even have to go a whole mile- just walk the few blocks to John Kerry’s house and invite him to your awesome party. He obviously can’t RSVP to your Facebook event for security reasons, so your safest bet is definitely to just go knock on his door and ask him face to face. His secret service agents totally won’t mind as long as you remember to extend the invitation to them as well. In the meantime, wander around campus and you’ll probably run into frequent Dahlgren Chapel-attendee, Joe Biden, or Georgetown’s favorite son and America’s favorite almost-first-husband, Bill Clinton. And after this election cycle, these guys are definitely ready to kick back and party, so be sure to toss an invite their way.

Make a playlist

No Inauguration Day party would be complete without the musical stylings of Trump’s new best friend, Kanye West. After the craziness known as the 2016 election, I don’t think any of us would even be surprised at this point if Kanye somehow ended up with a Cabinet position. In fact, we’re calling it now: we think a Trump/West 2020 ticket is in our future (in four years, remember you heard it here at 4E first!). And if Kanye’s ascent into the political arena is imminent, we must enjoy his musical genius while we still can. So at your party, be sure to “Runaway” from your fears about the next four years, ignore all those fake news stories and focus on the “Facts (Charlie Heat Version)” and remember that we can still be “Stronger” together even though Donald Trump will soon have all that “POWER” to “Run This Town.”

Choose beverages wisely

If you’re still feeling patriotic and want to make a political statement at your party, follow President Obama’s lead by enacting your own symbolic sanctions against Russia in the most college-way possible: boycotting Russian-brand vodka. In terms of what you can realistically afford, this basically means no Russian Standard and no Stolichnaya. Don’t worry, Smirnoff doesn’t count. If you’re looking for an alternative, we here at 4E recommend everyone’s favorite delicious (and American-made!) vodka, Burnett’s. For more information on this flavored poison refreshing beverage, check out some of our diligent research here.

There you have it: a few simple tips and tricks to make your Inauguration Day one to remember. And finally before we go, if you’re reading this, Mr. Trump (and based on your bizarre social media habits, there’s sadly good chance that you actually are), we wish you luck. Despite our differences, we hope that you prove us wrong and use these next four years to help lead our country in the right direction. But in the meantime, we here at 4E will continue to contribute to the “crooked media” by low key roasting you on a regular basis. Here’s to the next four years, neighbor.

Gifs: giphy.com, teepublic.com

President Obama Congratulates Georgetown

Charter Birthday

Today marks the 200th anniversary of Georgetown’s charter, officially incorporating the university into the District of Columbia. Signed by James Madison back in 1815, our current president, Barack Obama, weighed in on the momentous occasion today with a video uploaded onto Youtube.

“As your neighbor, I thought I’d say hello and congratulate you on the 200th anniversary of your charter,” President Obama begins, while then delving into the many varied accomplishments of Hoyas over time, and emphasizing the influence of Georgetown’s Jesuit values in different fields. Basically, the President thinks we’re awesome, thus confirming what we knew all along.

You can watch the full (less than 1 minute-long) video below. It’s totally worth it, especially for the very end. Hearing POTUS say “Hoya Saxa” is truly a transcendent experience that I will totally #humblebrag about in the future.

Other government leaders congratulated Georgetown today too, including Speaker of the House John Boehner, House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senator Patrick Leahy.

Oh, and we just heard from Bill Clinton!

Check out the university’s statement (plus all of the congratulatory videos) here. Actually, if you want to check out the charter (it’s short), go for it.

So happy birthday, Georgetown, and Hoya Saxa!

(This post has been updated.)

Photo: sfs.georgetown.edu