What Famous Hoya Are You?

College is a time of great uncertainty. Everyday, we ask ourselves: “What will I do with my life?” “Who will I be when I grow up?” “Why did I decide to major in English?”

We know these questions might seem scary, but 4E is here to help you procrastinate writing that essay for another five minutes discover who you really are. Take this quiz, and finally find an answer to the timeless question:

What Famous Hoya Are You?

 

Photos: tumblr.com

 

A Guide To Homecoming

Yes, it’s sadly still midterm season, which means that you’re probably reading this article on Lau 2 while simultaneously crafting a last-minute email to your professor begging for an extension. But now it’s time for you to take a break from the stress and completely ignore all your responsibilities, because #HoyaHomecoming is officially upon us. In honor of the one day a year we can kind of act like a state school, we here at 4E have complied a helpful guide to make sure that your Homecoming experience is a success.

#HoyaHomecoming 2017, colorized.

Remember: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Look, we’ve all been there: You and 20 of your closest friends are crammed into a 12×15 foot dorm room. You’re looking ~fresh~ in your very original, one-of-a-kind, totally unique Georgetown basketball jersey. Your signature song (“Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira) is playing, and that cutie from your Econ class is definitely taking notice of your impressive dabbing ability. Needless to say, the pregame is ~lit~. And at some point, this level of “litness” will likely inspire you to “go all out” for #HoyaHomecoming and do one of the following: A) Take way too many shots of Fireball B) Take way too many shots of Lime Burnett’s or C) Chug an entire can of Four Loko.

As you consider your options, 4E is here to give you some friendly advice: DON’T DO IT. Under the florescent lights of that sweaty dorm room, we know it may seem like a good idea, but trust us, in a few hours, you will come to the painful realization that it was not. The key to a successful Homecoming is to pace yourself. Unlike a normal night out, you will be expected both to stay awake for more than four hours and to functionally interact with actual adults in a non-Piano-Bar-setting. Neither of those things will be possible if you achieve maximum “litness” at 9 a.m. And as you make your decisions about how much to drink throughout the rest of the day, just remember that while Homecoming may be temporary, Snapchat screenshots are forever.

Love Thy Neighbor.

If you remember anything from last year’s homecoming, you’ll remember that our neighbors literally hate us. And noise. And alcohol. And anything even remotely resembling fun. So despite the fact that they knew ~Georgetown~ University was located here when they made the decision to move to ~Georgetown~, they will not hesitate to call the feds S.N.A.P.S on us if they catch the slightest whiff of Burnett’s or hear even the faintest hint of “Mr. Brightside” coming from a townhouse. Unfortunately for many of our readers out there, what this means is that most of your upperclassman friends will probably not be cool with you and every other member of Darnall 5 crashing their party.

But don’t worry! Getting rejected from and/or getting kicked out of at least one party is basically a #HoyaHomecoming rite of passage. And there are still plenty of other fun ways for you to spend your day! You can wander aimlessly around the neighborhood and engage in some classic Georgetown traditions, such as sprinting away from GUPD cars, getting yelled at by old people who may or may not be John Kerry, and searching for half-empty cans of Natty that have been discarded on the street.

Back on campus, you can easily sneak into pay for a ticket to the tailgate on Regents lawn- here you can do some cool stuff like get a sunburn and make awkward small talk with alumni while you wait in the food line for 20 minutes. And of course, if all else fails, we’ll always have the Vil A rooftop. Nothing says #HoyaHomecoming quite like gazing out at that beautiful Arlington skyline as you watch  your classmates come dangerously close to falling over the railing.

Georgetown residents upon seeing even a single red solo cup

Water. Food. Rest. Repeat.

Remember what I said earlier about pacing yourself? I can already tell that you didn’t listen to me. Now you’re exhausted, your phone is dead, and you’re sitting on the floor of a New South bathroom, wondering where it all went wrong. You’ve managed to lose both your dignity and your GoCard- and it’s still only noon. Bet you don’t feel so “lit” anymore, huh? But don’t despair – 4E is here to save you! First, you need to walk/crawl to the nearest vending machine/sink/Dahlgren Fountain, and HYDRATE. You are in desperate need of H2O. Drink up.

Next, you need to eat something that will help counteract the consequences of that last Natty you ~regrettably~ decided to shotgun. If you can’t talk your way back into the tailgate to acquire some free pizza, we recommend you stick with what you know and head on over to Wisey’s. After all, the best Chicken Madnesses are the ones you don’t remember eating.

Finally, your phone isn’t the only thing that needs to recharge. Whether it’s in your own bed or in the middle of Healy Lawn, you need to take a power nap. Find a spot, tell a friend to wake you up in an hour and pass out. Don’t worry, the Vil A rooftop isn’t going anywhere. There will be plenty more opportunities to embarrass yourself when you wake up.

You at Homecoming if you ignore my advice

Make Memories

As a distinguished member of the class of ‘85 drunkenly yelled at me during Homecoming last year once told me, college is the best four years of your life. I know this may not seem true as you stress-cry while writing a paper on Lau 2 at 4 a.m., but Homecoming gives you the perfect opportunity to rediscover why you first fell in love with Georgetown all those year(s) ago. So don’t be afraid to belt out the (probably wrong) lyrics to the fight song when someone inevitably starts up a bad acapella rendition in the middle of a party. Don’t be afraid to make valuable future business connections new friends as you wait in line for food at the tailgate. Don’t be afraid to break your wrist from falling off of the John Carrol statue while trying to take that perfect #HoyaHomecoming Instagram.

Because we here at 4E want to let you in on a secret: our sources can confirm that the real world is a scary place. Apparently, once you turn 23, it is suddenly no longer acceptable to sleep until 2 p.m. every day, or eat chicken fingers for every meal, or religiously attend an event called “Jersey Night” every Wednesday. And so, my fellow students, be sure to enjoy every moment of your time here on the Hilltop. And to all the alumni out there reading this guide with a mix of shock, nostalgia, and anticipation, we leave you with the immortal words of Saint John Thompson Jr: “If I can’t go to Heaven, take me back to Georgetown.”

See you soon, and Hoya Saxa.

P.S: Please actually make good choices! And remember that GERMS can always be reached at 202-687-4357.

Sources: giphy.com/ Lauinger Library

The 5 Parents You Will Meet During Parents Weekend

Take a break from rationing your remaining flex dollars and crying at the thought of having to eat at New Leo’s, because Parents Weekend (a.k.a. Beg Your Parents to Buy You Food Weekend) is upon us. And while it’s certainly nice to see the ‘rents (s/o my fellow #millennials), there are always some moms and dads you should be on the lookout for. To help you out, we’ve complied a list of the five parents you will meet during Parents Weekend:

1. The “Alumnus”

This parent answers the hypothetical question, “What if Jersey Night was somehow a dad?” Get ready for a weekend full of some definitely-not-exaggerated stories about those “wild nights at The Tombs” and how he/she totally used to “party with Patrick Ewing” “back in the day”. The “Alumnus” can usually be found reminiscing about how “the drinking age used to be 18” or how “the basketball team used to be good,” while staring wistfully at Healy and telling you about the time his/her roommate fell out of a New South window. Should you have to interact with one of these parents over the course of your weekend, our best advice is to continually reassure the “Alumnus” that you too love the movie St. Elmo’s Fire, while casually hinting how “cool” it would be if someone could buy you a case of Natty.

The “Alumnus” “Back in the Day”

2. The “Empty-Nester”

This parent is still having a hard time accepting that the baby of the family is off at college. The Empty-Nester will spend the weekend doing the child’s laundry and thanklessly trying to replicate a home-cooked meal in the middle of a VCW common room. If your parent is the “Empty-Nester”, be sure to blatantly lie reassure them that you are making good choices, exercising regularly, and studying diligently every night before going to sleep promptly at 10 p.m. If you come into contact with someone else’s “Empty-Nester” mom or dad, be sure to nod sympathetically and mention how your own parents have simply replaced you with a dog.

The “Empty-Nester” at Parents Weekend

3. The “Well, MY Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

This parent is hopelessly out of touch with reality. When meeting other parents, this mom or dad will immediately assert a (false) superiority by saying some variation of “Well, my [insert child’s name] isn’t much of a partier” or “Well, my [insert child’s name here] is too busy studying to really go out much”.  Nine times out of ten, this parent’s beloved child is the same child you once found passed out next to an empty can of Four Loko in a bathroom on a Tuesday night. If you meet one of these parents, resist the urge to show off all those incriminating Snapchats you’ve screenshotted, and simply go along with the naïve charade. Someday, likely in the form of a hospital bill after [insert child’s name here] is GERMSed from falling down the Vil A rooftop steps, the truth behind all those alleged “nights in Lau” will come out. But Parents Weekend is not that day.

Interacting with The “Well, My Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

4. The “Is This Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend??”

This parent will spend the entire weekend launching a full-scale, Spanish-Inquisition-style investigation into his or her child’s dating life. This will include asking every carbon-based lifeform that comes within ten feet of New South, “So…you and [insert child’s name] are…friends?” If this is your parent, expect a weekend of having your room discreetly searched for evidence, and continually being asked “whom are you texting?” and “is there anything you want to tell me?” as you walk around campus. If you find yourself in a situation where this is one of your friend’s parents, we suggest you remove yourself from this situation as quickly as possible, unless you want to become the next contestant on a never-ending Jeopardy episode where every category is just “Are You Dating My Son???”

We have all met this mom

5. The “Trump Supporter”

This one goes out to you, Hoyas from Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. So step away from the “H*yas for Choice” table and rip that “Feel the Bern” sticker off your laptop, because all your friends are about to find out that your parent(s) are wholly responsible for the horrible and embarrassing end of American Democracy as we know it voted for Donald J. Trump. If you want to keep some semblance of familial cordiality and make it through the weekend on speaking terms, follow some of these helpful tips and tricks:

  • DO NOT mention what happened when Jeff Sessions spoke at the Law School a few weeks ago.
  • DO NOT mention that Hillary spoke in Gaston last year.
  • DO NOT mention anything about her famous Hoya Husband either.
  • DO mention that Steve Bannon and Paul Manafort are alumni? (#notmyhoyas).
You, when your “Trump Supporter” parents talk to your friends

So there you have it: The five parents you will meet on parents weekend. From all of us here at 4E: be safe, have fun, and enjoy putting off that midterm paper in favor of getting brunch with the #rents.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wisegeek.com

6 Things I Learned About Georgetown While Abroad

Did I mention I studied abroad?

Step off of the Hilltop and outside of the Georgetown Bubble, and you will find many things to learn, do and see. The decision to “study” abroad was undoubtedly one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.  Even so, the Hilltop certainly had me homesick: Georgetown has so many incredible things to offer; from expert faculty to your first New South pregame.

One of the strange parts about being abroad was learning about Georgetown. In fact, there are many things about my home university that I only realized after going to Milan. Some were good things, and others, not so much…

  1. We all like to poke fun at and react excessively to the swarms of  students smoking outside of Lau. Emerging from Lau, you may find yourself in a situation like this:Instead, the EXACT depiction of what students do in Europe is below. They are the real smokers: they don’t just do it to look cool, but they actually like cigarettes. Get ready for secondhand smoke.In reality, we don’t have much to complain about as non-smokers at Georgetown, since it seems most smokers here don’t fall into the latter category. We are nowhere near as threatened by secondhand smoke at Georgetown as we complain we are.
  2. Our coffee on campus is TERRIBLE. Paying at minimum $3.00 for burnt and stale coffee is not ever justifiable. I don’t even know if stale is an appropriate way to describe coffee, but I shouldn’t have to wonder. Case in point: my abroad university in Italy had vending machines that made better coffee than our campus baristas. Just another thing that machines do better. Since caffeine is such an important part of the student experience in college, its time to up our game.
  3. We need to give more credit to how beautiful and put-together our campus is. Campuses in the states are exceptional; from the manicured lawns, to the behind-the-scenes campus planning, to the sense of ownership the students take, it’s hard to not appreciate how much we’ve got. Instead, even my (nice and relatively expensive) Italian university had graffiti and was not managed nearly as well as Georgetown. Construction definitely gets old on campus, but it’s always for the better (except maybe the Thompson Center and the architectural disaster that is Lau).

    A tulip endowment is good for ~something~.
  4. You’re much more likely to feel supported at Georgetown than anywhere else. While we like to complain about stress and sub-par faculty at many points in our academic careers, try having a class whose syllabus doesn’t even tell you who your teacher is or where your class meets. At least we have capable (i.e. non-tenured) faculty that know what they’re doing. I complain about preregistration results as much as the next person, but try having not one, but two of your classes cancelled for good two weeks into the semester. How do students at a university that does that function (answer: they don’t)?
  5. WE HAVE SO MUCH MORE WORK. European academics are in fact whack. In all cases, I had just one assignment for each one of my classes: an oral final exam. At Georgetown, we have countless tests, multiple midterms, homework, essays, group projects (the list goes on).
    @everday during months-long midterm “season”

    The moral of the story is that Georgetown is perhaps harder than it really needs to be.

  6. Our campus and neighborhood is even less lit than we realize. Doesn’t need much explanation.

    The ONLY establishment with the name “bar” in it within a mile of Georgetown.
Alcatraz Club, a Milanese mainstay, doesn’t even need people to be lit.

Did I mention I studied abroad?

 

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, giphy.com, otnemea.com, flickr.com, residentadvisor.net

 

An Ode to John Thompson III

Well Hoyas, those of you who actually pay attention to the real news and not any of those alternative facts know that last Thursday, our beloved men’s basketball coach, John Thompson III, was dismissed from Georgetown University. Let me paint a picture of the general reaction of Hoya fans when they heard the news:

We at 4E were certainly pleased to hear that change is finally happening, but how could we let JTIII go without a proper sendoff? He stayed with the basketball program for thirteen years and was very firm in his dedication to Georgetown. In honor of JTIII’s final days on the Hilltop, here is 4E’s tribute to the basketball coach we know and love.

The Verizon Center is bumping and ablaze with light,

Filled with students who all came out to watch the Hoyas fight.

The lights start to black out on the court,

Signaling it’s almost time to watch Georgetown’s worst favorite sport.

The announcer begins his usual spiel,

Saying stuff we know not to be real.

For example, he yells as we watch game time approach:

“Here’s John Thompson III, everyone’s favorite coach!”

We sit and watch as the Hoyas play some pretty bad basketball,

While my father, a huge Hoya fan, is probably banging his head against a wall.

Another week, another basketball game lost.

We all know something has to change, but at what cost?

Many think it’s necessary JTIII has to be fired,

An idea as appealing as Baked & Wired.

 We lose game, after game, after game,

But nothing changes; our team’s pathetic nature is still the same.

Remember the days when the Hoyas used be victorious?

Yeah that was in the 1980s, oh those times were glorious.

 That was when JTIII’s father, JT Jr., was in charge,

When Georgetown’s chances at winning were, for once, quite large.

We had great expectations for the team in 2004,

When Georgetown brought another Thompson to the coaching floor.

Players like Hibbert, Wallace, Freeman and Green

Made Georgetown basketball a winning machine.

We hoped for great things from JT Jr.’s son,

And there were definitely great moments, but they are now over and done.

Those times of victory and glory are now long gone,

And it’s time for JTIII to pass the baton.

It’s time to say goodbye to JTIII,

And now it’s the dawn of a new era for Hoya fans like me.

Although we are all excited for this wondrous new age,

We must pay due homage to JTIII and redirect our rage.

We must move forward and prepare to juice ‘Cuse,

Something too important for us to refuse.

Coach Thompson, we will always remember your dedication and spirit,

Those who heard you speak about the team all were able to hear it.

You stayed with us for a good long while,

Through the good times and bad times, you truly exemplified a Hoya lifestyle.

You cared about our players, something we will never forget.

So in a few months when we look back on your thirteen years,

We’ll feel appreciation and gratitude, not regret.

Photos/gifs: guhoyas.com, giphy.com

Other Things at Georgetown That Should Be Fired

We were beginning to think change was impossible. That was, of course, until it happened yesterday. Coach John Thompson III was not able to answer the question “Who Do You Know Here?” and was denied entrance at the door to another season at the helm of Georgetown basketball.

While the announcement was certainly shocking, if completely justified, it was more than just someone getting fired. This means that change is possible at Georgetown. Let’s ride the wave and get rid of the people at Georgetown responsible for other grave injustices:

  1. FIRE the person in charge of sending GUPD updates. What ever happened to the emails about drunk people waking up in the wrong bed and punching someone? Then there was the time when someone was kidnapped and we didn’t even hear about it. Change is needed.

    Pictured: current reputation of GUPD
  2. FIRE SNAPS. Do you have nothing better to do on a Friday night than break up a party that probably wasn’t good in the first place? Our tuition dollars are literally being spent to reduce the party scene.
  3. FIRE the architect of Lau. This is probably somewhat irrelevant, but just as a preventative measure, his or her professional license should be confiscated. Our skyline would have been so perfect if it weren’t for a building that is as soul-sucking as it looks.

    NO!
  4. FIRE the people who don’t pick up their omelets. All we can ask for at a Leo’s dining ~experience~ is to be lucky enough not to see a mouse and a timely produced omelet. Nobody likes long lines. Help make this a reality.
  5. FIRE the founder of Instructional Continuity. Who in John Carroll’s name ever signed off that this was a good idea? I dare the administration to put out a survey about students’ and teachers’ satisfaction around this perversion of the education system.
  6. FIRE professors that don’t round grades up. It’s not even about common courtesies; it’s about properly representing numbers. One rounds 8.6 to 9.0 so why isn’t an 86 an A-?
  7. FIRE Saxanet. If I lose my progress while working on something one mor..

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, giphy.com, memecrunch.com, Rachel Skaar/The Hoya

125 Substitutes for Season Tickets

New year, new team? Maybe not, but we can only hope for the best when it comes to our men’s basketball team. The team has had a long road. From winning to NCAA championship in 1984 to not even making the tournament in recent years (yet still beating ‘Cuse #score), it’s safe to say that it’s been quite a ride.

Through all these ups and downs, the student section has always had a decent, if not excellent, turnout compared to other schools. Although we showed signs of life in a few games, the loss to ProvidenceVanillaNoFunSetonHallDePaulNeedISayMore crushed many fans’ confidence in the team. Let’s just say that there are definitely a lot of students who are, ah, dissatisfied with the performance this year.

Now, I love basketball as much as the next guy. I genuinely enjoy going to the Verizon Center for games, even if the team loses. However, it’s no secret that many students are reconsidering buying season tickets next year. It’s depressing, but what can you do? $125 is a lot to spend on game tickets when you don’t even enjoy going.

Saving money, something which I always applaud, for other activities is important. Fortunately for you, I collaborated with Senior Blog Editor Ally Puccio to create some creative uses for this newfound cash. Here are just a few different ways to spend $125 next year (if you’ve given up on our team).

    1. 40 PBRs at Rocket Bar, located just across the street from the Verizon Center.
    2. 35 Uncle Sams from MUG, located in the ICC. Best Corp coffee shop, best drink.
    3. Depending on your liquor store of choice (RIP Dixie), $125 can buy you anywhere from seven to 11 handles of Burnett’s. See previous posts for guidance in that area. Or don’t, and just buy the wrong flavors. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
    4. Around 12 Sweetgreen salads.
    5. Probably around eight to 10 meals at Chipotle.
    6. Seven or so meals at Mai Thai. Personally, I’m a fan of Panang Curry, which is almost the same price.
    7. 35 loads of laundry. God knows we all need extra money there since prices continue to rise.
    8. Around 10 cases of Natty Lite. NOW we’re talking.
    9. An aquarium’s worth of goldfish.
    10. Brunch! You don’t have to spend all $125 on one meal, but it’s certainly an option if you like to ~treat yourself.~ Try Mr. Smith’s for a good time, or Boqueria if you want higher quality food.
    11. A fake ID…?
    12. Put it toward spring break.
    13. Or, you could just go home for a weekend with that money.
    14. 12 Long Island iced teas at Piano (assuming you can get in these days).
    15. If you can’t get in, use the money to bribe the bouncer!
    16. Or you could bribe your accounting teacher. Accounting is really, really hard (or so they say).
    17. 25 Captain Morgan drinks on a Friday night at Tombs (I know this because I work there).
    18. 40 bourbon drinks on a Monday night at Tombs.
    19. 12 pitchers of beer at Booey’s.
    20. 12 orders of mozzarella sticks, delivered by Tapingo from Wingos. Definitely recommend.
    21. Probably a dozen shot glasses. Boost that collection.
    22. 3 Swell water bottles (just in case you lose one).
    23. 20 orders of chicken fingers from Quick Pita. Oh wait…
    24. $125 is about two years worth of Spotify Premium.
    25. If you still have a flip phone, you could buy an iPod.
    26. On that note, it’s probably around 125 songs on iTunes.
    27. All those fundraisers at Chi Di cost either $5 or $10, so you get drink specials anywhere from 12 to 25 nights at Chi Di.
    28. The cover charge at Decades is something like $10, so you can go for 12 nights.
    29. Go to a strip club!
    30. Dinner at 1789. Just once though. Not including tip.
    31. Tickets to see The Chainsmokers!
    32. Buy “Closer” 125 times on iTunes.
    33. A new TV.
    34. A lot of condoms (unless you support H*yas for Choice #free)
    35.  Gamble! Lose that $125 in a new way!
    36. Several loaves of plain white bread.
    37. Semester passes at Yates. Get fit!
    38. A table on Lau 2 during finals. Finding one is similar to The Hunger Games.
    39. Pay for a friend’s or your own parking ticket.
    40. It might even cover half a used textbook!
    41. Mold remover.
    42. Mouse traps (now we’re just listing the essentials for Georgetown housing).
    43. Blood samples.
    44. Drugs.
    45. Bleach (to drink while watching the game).
    46. 75 percent of a GoPro.
    47. This Antique Victorian Fainting Couch on Craiglist.
    48. Probably a cat.
    49. Give it to a homeless person and make someone’s day.
    50. Cash out the $125 in singles and just throw your money in the air.
    51. Disco ball.
    52. Donate it to cancer research.
    53. Find a GoFundMe page and help someone rebuild their house after a fire.
    54. One month of yoga at CorePower.
    55. 125 vanilla cones at McDonalds.
    56. Get a new funky haircut. Then get another one. And another one.
    57. Get a Yeezy T-shirt.
    58. One LeBron sneaker. But not both. Just one.
    59. Teeth whitening strips, plus a new toothbrush, toothpaste and veneers.
    60. Five bikini waxes at Polished on Wisconsin.
    61. One Amazon Tap.
    62. 25 jars of Nutella.
    63. Five wine and painting Groupons at Uncork’d Art in Adams Morgan.
    64. You can buy Instagram followers if you’re that desperate.
    65. Two N*Sync bobblehead sets on eBay.
    66. One ticket to a Broadway show.
    67. Go on a date to Outback Steakhouse and get two Bloomin’ Onions.
    68. Four Soul Cycle classes (yikes).
    69. Probably could score some recreationally legal-in-the-District-of-Columbia drugs.
    70. Did you know people are giving away hot tubs for free on Craigslist?
    71. Are there any fortune tellers in Georgetown?
    72. Oh, you could probably get a small tattoo!
    73. Or a piercing! Get wild. College, baby.
    74. Pay your bills on time this month.
    75. Buy a friend a gift!
    76. Have a field day at Trader Joe’s.
    77. Invest in Baked & Wired.
    78. Treat yourself to a Georgetown Cupcake 35 days in a row.
    79. Jump in the Potomac just for fun, and then pay your ambulance bill afterwards!
    80. Get a massage. We need to treat outrselves here. Way too stressed out.
    81. Pay a private investigator to follow around that one sketchy friend we all have for an hour.
    82. Get a tent, and then pitch it on Healy Lawn.
    83. 31 months of The New York Times at the student subscription price.
    84. Invest in cloning research to replicate Jack the Bulldog.
    85. Bribe a member of the Jack Crew into letting you in the exclusive circle.
    86. Crock Pots are pretty cool. I bet they don’t cost $125.
    87. I don’t want you to buy Crocs with your newfound $125, but who am I to judge?
    88. If you leave Friday, you can pay for half of a one-way ticket to Vancouver.
    89. Four ice-skating lessons at The National Gallery of Art.
    90. How much do you think those Big Bus Tours of D.C. are?
    91. I’d like to play some competitive bingo somewhere.
    92. You can buy 10 packages of 12 wine tastings each at Great Barrell Oaks in Virginia.
    93. Doesn’t a wig party sound really fun? You could buy six wigs on Amazon.
    94. I’d really like to learn how to salsa dance. Wouldn’t you, Charlie?
    95. Forget salsa dancing, take hip-hop lessons. Or breakdancing lessons.
    96. Pub crawl through the District.
    97. Escape The Room.
    98. 25 of the 99 Days at Tombs.
    99. A classy party accessory. Shot roulette wheel, beer pong table, etc.
    100.    Probably 100 Wisey’s cookies
    101.   Buy a nice keg! Or, be cheap and buy two low-quality kegs!
    102.    Maybe even TWO açai bowls at Hilltoss. They’re expensive.
    103.    Have an arch nemesis? Hire a hitman. Boom.
    104.    On that note, maybe you could also hire a bodyguard for a day?
    105.    A ukulele.
    106.    Upgrade to Tinder PLUS.
    107.    A used surfboard.
    108.    Two years of Amazon Prime Student.
    109.    Rush a fraternity/sorority and pay your dues.
    110.   An Amazon Kindle.
    111.   Become a sugar daddy/mommy for a day.
    112.   Firewood.
    113.   A silverware set.
    114.   40 gallons of milk.
    115.   Skis or a snowboard.
    116.   Six Uber rides to Union Station.
    117.   A copy of the Declaration of Independence.
    118.   A dope Halloween costume.
    119.   Posters for your room.
    120.    Go skydiving.
    121.   A date with someone in 4E (jk, we’re priceless).
    122.    Just donate the money to us, we’ll take it!
    123.    Six trips to Pinstripes.
    124.    Season tickets for WOMEN’S Basketball #feminism.
    125.     Literally anything else.

The point is, friends, you can do so much with $125 that you shouldn’t feel obligated to attend basketball games that make you feel depressed. We’ll see how things look next year but in the meantime, Hoya Saxa! And, more importantly, #BEATNOVA(?)!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, gettyimages.com

The Five Types of Georgetown Basketball Fans

Banner - FansAs winter break thaws out, Big East conference play is just starting to heat up. While we’ve probably all watched at least one Georgetown Basketball game in our lives, I’m sure we all have had different feelings surrounding those games: frustration, excitement, dread when you realize you left your GoCard at the Verizon Center, and even despair. For some, the games are merely an opportunity to watch some basketball, and for others, the games are an opportunity to cheer drink away the Sunday Scaries on a Saturday morning.

In any case, Georgetown certainly has some interesting fans. In fact, there are many stereotypes for the typical Georgetown game attendees one might run into at the Verizon Center. Here are some of 4E’s favorites:

  1. The Instagram enthusiast. They enjoy a nice outing once a semester downtown to the Verizon Center, where they are sure to get a decent amount of likes off of posting a pic of themselves and their freshmen roommates having SO much fun at the game. They probably don’t even know what the players’ names are, but that doesn’t bother them. They aren’t sure why Georgetown switched baskets halfway through the game and are likely to put Jack skateboarding on their snap stories. They may even post a finsta of how #turnt they got if we’re lucky enough.
  2. The ones who still believe in JT3. Don’t trust them. They like to be let down. They will probably lose in many respects in life. They are probably disillusioned with being a Georgetown student, so you won’t likely find this person in the student section. They always buy season tickets, and would rather hold the ticket for a game they can’t attend rather than sell it off to a petty “Down-with-JT3” cheering fan. If it’s possible to blow a lead in life, they will do it.
  3. The fans who have an obsession with cutout heads. While basketball is exciting and all, these are the people who merely go to the game to wave around a piece of cardboard. No, they aren’t just looking for attention, but in addition, an opportunity to escape their real lives, and become the Pope/John Thompson/Bradley Cooper/etc. They will risk their lives to get the cutout of their choice and probably have a hearty secret collection of cutouts.
  4. The serial dancers. We have plenty of dance groups on campus, but these fans aren’t interested in group-sponsored theatrics. Instead, they will be heavily featured on the big screen for their less-than-stellar fantastic moves. It’s not hard to be featured when you’re the only one in the arena moving and shaking, but they will tout their big screen appearances to no end and will perhaps even consider putting it on their resumes. They are huge fans of the student section and will try to conduct the attention of all students in said section.
  5. The avid basketball fan. There isn’t anything more exciting (frustrating?) for these people than watching some great (frustrating?) Georgetown basketball. They wish they were attending the school back in the ’84-’85 season and have memorized so many stats that they have no room left in their brains to study for that philosophy final. They think about the cost-benefit analysis and the prospect of the team’s success in the upcoming season before buying season tickets. They wouldn’t miss a game — even though they often turn them off and cry into a pillow at halftime.

    Wrong sport, right reaction

Time to break some stereotypes.

Photos/Gifs: scout.com, giphy.com

Things We Forgot Happened in 2015

Banner - 2015 memories

2015 was a long year — 365 days to be exact. A lot can happen in 365 days. Friendships can be made (and broken), phone screens can be cracked, Netflix binges can be completed and begun and completed again. There are a ton of things that we forgot happened in the last twelve months. Here are a few:

Ariana Grande licked a donut and said she hated America

Justin Bieber got hot (and – dare I say – talented) #Sorry

Neil Patrick Harris hosted the Academy Awards in his underwear

Leonardo DiCaprio still didn’t win an Oscar

Tom Brady was accused of deflating balls in an incident known affectionately as “Deflategate”

Tom Brady set the record for most Superbowl wins by a quarterback

Left Shark stole the Superbowl half-time show

The war on gluten kicked in to high gear

The Pope came to DC

The Pope’s encyclical Laudato Sí focused on the environment

Microbeads were banned in the U.S.

New York Times asked, “Would you kill baby Hitler?” and people freaked out

Obama tweeted that NYT was ridiculous for suggesting peas in guacamole

“The dress”

Georgetown opened the old Jes Res dorm

Georgetown renamed the buildings of the old Jes Res

Georgetown basketball won a game in the NCAA Tournament

Georgetown blew out Villanova by 20 points at the Verizon Center

Villanova included Georgetown gear in its basketball fan pack (dummies)

Bradley Hayes learned to play basketball (and is actually really good)

DSR broke our hearts by declaring for the NBA draft (but then came back)

LJ Peak played on the gold-medal winning USA U-23 basketball team

Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 2 premiered

Star Wars: The Force Awakens broke a bunch of records

Hillary Clinton lied about her emails

Volkswagen lied to everyone

People sucked cups to try to get Kardashian-esque lips

Kim Kardashian’s rear end continued to break the Internet

Hoyas, we at 4E hope you had an incredible 2015 with some truly unforgettable memories.

Photo: wisegeek.com, TMZ.com, 

Senior Memories: Things that Only Seniors Remember

SENIORS

As the first semester has begun to wind down, my nerves about leaving Georgetown in only a few months are increasing. I can barely remember my freshman year, the people I met then feel like people I have known my entire life. However, there are some things that have not been so permanent. From bars to fads, Georgetown has seen a bunch of turnover during the last three years.

So underclassmen, give me this one post to rant. And seniors, join me in my trip down memory lane.

Things Only Seniors Remember:

1. Tuscany’s. The pride and joy of our freshman year. If you didn’t sit on the sidewalk with a large slice, make friends with a stranger or get into a fight about who ordered first than you haven’t lived.

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2. Rhino. Okay, some underclassman might remember this one. But, only we remember how magical Rhino was once upon a time. Do I miss the idea of it? Yes. Do I actually miss it? To be honest, not at all.

3. Shit Georgetown Girls Say. This video defined my freshman year, and I still recite it weekly. While I was heartbroken that these guys took this video down, I am still petitioning for them to bring it back. Favorite lines include:

  • “Does Rhino take Go-Card?”
  • “What to chase with, what to chase with.. Diet Coke, zero cals!”
  • “Betch I’m drunk in Leo’s I need your help.”
  • “He must be cute, he went to Delbarton.”
  • “Son of a betch where is my Go-Card?”

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5. Reiss Pathway. As a former Darnallian, the Reiss Pathway was basically family to me. Best people watching and easy access to Leavy… what more could you want?! It makes me so incredibly sad that some people think that the construction has always been there. They don’t know the great things they have missed.

6. Omelet Lady. Feel free to correct me, as I have not been to Leo’s in a while, but I’ve heard that the omelet lady no longer exists? How does one get his or her omelet without the signature “getcha omelet” call? That was the only acceptable way to end a weekend.

7. New South before the Heal Fam Stu Cen. I had to explain to a freshman the other day what was in the HFSC’s place prior to its creation… and all I could say was nothing. It literally seems like that building sprung from nowhere. If only it had been around my freshman year, I probably would have been more inclined to study!

8. Leo’s Burrito Bowls. Ugh, back when Leo’s did so many things right. Their burrito bowls were my favorite thing. Like Chipotle, but from a meal swipe! You didn’t even have to pay extra for guac!!
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9. Juicing ‘Cuse in 1 Season. Way back when Syracuse was in the Big East. We were so lucky to see 2 wins against ‘Cuse in only one season. Hopefully we can juice ‘Cuse again this year on Dec. 5!

10. Epi before it became a hotspot. My underclassman sources have informed me that Epi is the new “late night hot spot.” Back in my day, it was just a great place to get a quesadilla and chill with friends. I guess we can blame the loss of both Tuscany’s and Eat & Joy for this one!

Photos/Gifs: huffingtonpost.com; giphy.com; hercampus.com