Places to Eat at 2:00 A.M. Now That Wingo’s is Gone

My time at Georgetown has not been without its fair share of tragedy.

Hillary lost the election. Quick Pita closed. Chi Di (allegedly) shut down. Leo’s has (somehow) remained open. My GoCard picture turned out terribly. Hot Chick/Chicken Madness lost the other election. JT3 was allowed to coach a Division I basketball team. I once accidently made eye contact with a professor on a weekend. And Jack the Bulldog has straight up ignored me every single time I’ve asked to take a picture with him. To say the least, it’s been a rough three years on the Hilltop.

But none of these calamities could have prepared me for the news that broke on June 26th, 2018. As I’m sure you know by now, our beloved Wingo’s has burned down, and its soon-to-open new location is much further away. My first inclination was to write a eulogy that encapsulated what this little restaurant meant to a certain young Hoya who possessed a special love of both chicken wings and the ability to eat chicken wings at 2:00 a.m.; however, I had to abandon that plan when my tears started making it too difficult to see the laptop screen.

But because I am a professional journalist, I will work through the profound pain of this loss in order to write the type of hard-hitting article I know our readers have come to depend on from 4E. So, without further ado, here is a definitive guide of Places to Eat at 2:00 A.M. Now That Wingos is Gone.

Epi  

(Open 24/7)

If you love the feeling of hating yourself in the morning, Epi is the place for you. Their famous quesadilla is a classic choice, and the fries and onion rings are solid options as well, but I am also a big fan of “accidentally” stealing somebody else’s order and just eating whatever it is they decided to get.

Hoya Snaxa

(Technically only open until 1:00 am but whatever you get the point)

If you don’t die from walking downhill to get there, Snaxa is a pretty solid late night choice. Nothing says “Thank God my parents don’t know what their tuition money is really going towards” quite like using your GoCard to buy Cool Ranch Doritos and Cucumber Juul Pods in the early hours of the morning.

Mono Diner

(Open 24/7)

Do you remember that time freshman year when you DFMO’d at a Henle party and then the next week you started feeling gross and tired all the time and then you started panicking because you couldn’t get an appointment at student health for over a month? Have you ever wanted to relive that exact experience but while eating food at 2:00 am? Well look no further than Mono Diner. Located across from the CVS on Wisconsin, Georgetown’s newest 24-hour diner looks pretty good from the outside, but I just do not understand the name choice. Eat with caution.

Muncheez

(Open until 4:30 am)

Muncheez is a conundrum. Much like GUSA or attending a Georgetown basketball game, it has the potential to be great, but always ends up being disappointing in reality. It’s fine. Not good. Not awful. Just fine.

Quick Pita

(Closed forever)

Domino’s 

(Open until 3:00 a.m.)

Delicious (of course), but now that Chi Di is gone, you’ll probably never have a reason to walk on Prospect Street at 2:00 a.m. ever again. Delivery is fine I guess, but it doesn’t run as late and cheesy bread is really meant to be eaten at those blue plastic tables in the store. Why does The Neighborhood of Georgetown find a way to ruin everything we love?

&pizza

(Open until 4:00 a.m.)

Do you like spending more money for pizza that is less delicious and less filling than Dominos? Take the stroll down to Wisconsin Avenue for an overpriced rectangular pie at &pizza.

Bulldog Tavern

(Open until 2:00 a.m.)

Do you like waiting an hour and a half for cold mozzarella sticks? Then Bulldog Tavern is the place for you!

Wisey’s

(Sadly only open until 11:30 p.m.)

It is absolutely baffling to me that Wisey’s closes at 11:30. p.m. It has a prime location near campus and its sandwiches are tailor-made for those whose standards have been lowered after consuming a few adult beverages. If anybody reading this has enough influence to change Wisey’s (’s ?) hours (@JOHNDEGIOIA, @BILLCLINTON, @THEWISEYSRAT) please contact 4E ASAP. I really need for this change to happen in time for my senior year.

So there you have it. A few late-night options to fuel your late-night shenanigans.

This Article is in Loving Memory of Wingo’s (2002-2018). Gone too soon. RIP to the GOAT.

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, pinterest.com, wingos.com

A Guide to Move-Out Day

You are DONE. Finally. This finals season was the worst one in recent memory, but don’t get too comfortable just yet: You still have Move-Out Day. Though not quite as bad as the infamous Move-In Day, it’s still pretty unpleasant. So whether you’re bidding farewell to Harbin or Henle, 4E has got you covered with a step-by-step guide on what to do to make moving out a little less stressful.

1. Hide the Evidence

We know it’s been a while since you’ve interacted with them, but remember, your parents still think you go to Dahlgren Chapel on Sundays — and I am willing to bet that the current state of your room does not lend much support to that idea. So, before your beloved mom and/or dad show up to kindly help you move out, be sure to dispose of all remaining alcohol containers, “controversial” posters and anything you may have acquired from the H*yas for Choice table throughout the year. Move-Out Day is stressful enough as is; don’t make it any worse by having to awkwardly explain to your parents what a “Juul” is and why you currently have one sitting on your desk.

2. Attempt to Clean

Look around: You’ve been living in a literal cesspool for months. Forget romaine lettuce; it’s honestly a miracle that this place didn’t kill you. Every surface is inexplicably sticky. Your floor is covered in crushed Utz chips, empty Chick-Fil-A sauce cups and the remains of that Wingo’s order you dropped on Georgetown Day. At some point during the year, your trashcan became an amorphous “trash corner,” and now you’re really paying the price. Grab some Lysol wipes, rent a vacuum from the nearest RHO and get to work. We all know it won’t really make that much of a difference, but we also know that University President John J. DeGioia isn’t going to spend any of his Tulip money on tackling the campus rodent problem this summer, so a few minutes of tidying up is the least you can do for the sake of next year’s residents.

3. “Pack”

By “pack,” we really mean lie down on your bed and scroll through Instagram while your roommate or mom does most of the work involved in actually packing. If you have a minute to spare between figuring out what’s been going on with the whole Khloe/Tristan situation and getting caught up on whatever that Walmart-yodeling kid is doing these days, you can maybe put some folders in a box or throw some clothes into a backpack. These damn millennials! Lol amirite @EveryoneOverTheAgeofForty?? #lol #juul #relatable #PleasePayMeToWriteAnOpEdAboutThisHipTopic

4. Stress-Cry and/or Get Into an Argument With Your Mom

This is inevitable. Tensions are running high. No one involved in this process is in a good state of mind. You’re exhausted from having to take that “Problem of God” final, and your mom is exhausted from having to put up with you for the past two decades. Something as simple as taking the sheets off your bed or looking for a missing shoe can quickly escalate into complete pandemonium. Godspeed.

5. Say Goodbye

Even though your living space was absolutely disgusting, and you spent the last two weeks exclusively stress-crying in this place, it’s still sad to look around and see it look so empty. You had some good times in [insert residence hall name here]. So, goodbye, rats! Goodbye, black mold! Goodbye, neighbors who blared their terrible “Mr. Brightside”-themed playlist on a never-ending loop for an entire semester. You will be missed.

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, housingwire.com

The Very Best of D.C. TV

Get #hype, Hoyas, because Hollywood is coming to Georgetown! Kind of.

On April 17th, Joshua Malina and Bradley Whitford, former stars of the television classic The West Wing, will be making an appearance in Gaston Hall to record a podcast about what it was like to work with someone as handsome as Rob Lowe on the set of an ~iconic~ political drama. For many of you, I know this is a BFD (s/o Joe Biden) because Josh Lyman was, like, 90% of the reason you decided to pursue a PoliSci degree.  For those of you who are less familiar, The West Wing was that show you had to watch in high school when your AP Gov teacher didn’t feel like doing a real class that day. So whether you’re old a longtime fan or a relative newcomer, it’s sure to be a good time and you should definitely stop by!

And in the meantime, we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to review the very best of what D.C.-themed television has to offer. Look no further for an insightful and comprehensive guide to the pros and cons of the shows that qualify as true #DCTV.

Bonus: Watching any of the following shows is a great way to pretend like you’ve  left the Georgetown Bubble this semester without all the inconvenience of actually figuring out how to use the Metro!

Me, trying to blend in when I venture beyond the corner of M and Wisconsin

 

The West Wing (1999-2005)

Pros:

  • Allows us to believe that extremely beautiful and smart people like Rob Lowe and Allison Janney would willingly choose to live in D.C. and work for a government salary. Optimistic!
God I miss the 90s
  • The West Wing on The West Wing is lead by a rational, intelligent, and not-morally-bankrupt President. Martin Sheen does not attempt to build a wall or have an affair with an adult film actress at any point in this show. Wholesome!
  • The President’s daughter (Elisabeth Moss) is a Hoya. They even film a graduation scene on campus at one point. Fun!

Cons:

  • Show creator and head writer Aaron Sorkin went to Syracuse. Yikes…
  • Has apparently convinced a generation of Georgetown undergrads that they physically and/or intellectually resemble Rob Lowe’s character. Inaccurate!
When some guy compares himself to Sam Seaborn

Scandal (2012-2018)

Pros:

  • Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) attended Georgetown Law!
  • Makes working in D.C. seem cool and sexy, rather than sweaty and soul-crushing.
D.C. every day from May through September. Also, every class I’ve ever had in Walsh.
  • Brenda Song was a character on the show for a hot minute
  • Shonda Rhimes. Enough said.

Cons:

  • If I ever saw someone even half as beautiful or stylish as Kerry Washington walking around D.C., I would go into cardiac arrest. Extremely misleading portrayal of life here.
When some girl compares herself to Olivia Pope
  • The camera-snapping noise that plays between scenes. Irritating.
  • A lot of crossover between Grey’s Anatomy characters. Distracting. What is Meredith’s dad doing in the White House??

House of Cards (2013- present)

Pros:

  • Robin Wright. Nothing but respect for MY President.
When the professor finally tells that guy in your discussion section who claims to read The Economist and prefaces all his sentences with phrases like “just to play Devil’s Advocate here…” that he needs to stop talking and give other people a chance
  • That scene where Kate Mara gets pushed in front of the Metro is my primary reason for spending so much money on Ubers. Thanks for letting me justify my laziness by citing safety concerns!

Cons:

  • Kevin Spacey. Gross. Wya, Christopher Plummer??
@netflix, make the final season a musical while you’re at it #HireJulieAndrewsToo
  • Depressing and dark content. But not in a fun, Black Mirror way.
  • No important characters attended Georgetown. Sad!

Madam Secretary (2014- present)

Pros:

  • I have never actually seen this show, but the Wikipedia page is very  informative.
  • The husband of the main character (Madam Secretary) teaches at Georgetown! I am now picturing him as a Kroenig lookalike. Please let me know if this is accurate.

Cons:

  • When I started writing this article I guess I thought that Madam Secretary and The Good Wife were the same thing, and I was only going to write about it because I remembered that Big from Sex and the City is the main character’s husband on The Good Wife. I was very disappointed to find out that I confused the plots of these two vaguely-Hillary-Clinton-inspired TV dramas. Big from Sex and the City has yet to make an appearance on this show. Poor casting choice.
Me, upon realizing Madam Secretary’s husband is actually portrayed by someone named Tim Daly

Veep (2012- present)

  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Iconic actress, amazing human being, and one of the rare women who could actually pull off a perm back in the day.
  • Buster from Arrested Development. 
Me, any time Tony Hale is on screen
  • Mean, but in a witty and fun way. It’s like The Office, but if all the characters were as comically narcissistic and rude as Jim. (See: my future article on how Jim Halpert is actually a terrible person).

Cons:

  • Need an HBO account to watch it. Fellow Hoyas, please help a girl out and email 4E with your account password ASAP. I promise I need it for article research purposes and not just to binge watch Sex and the City.
  • One time on a plane I tried to watch an episode over the shoulder of the guy sitting next to me. He saw me and turned the screen away. If you’re reading this, rude stranger, please email 4E with a formal apology. I had clearly forgotten to bring my own earbuds, the GoGo internet access didn’t work, and that flight was like five hours long. You could have shown some compassion.
Dramatic reenactment of me and the rude Veep fan

So there you have it, Hoyas. A complete and objective guide to television shows about ~The District~. Coming up next week: a guide to the very best of New York-themed TV (Spoiler: Sex and the City is featured very prominently). 

Gif/Photo Source: giphy.com, pinterest.com

Who Goes to What Corp Location

There’s nothing Georgetown students love to hate more than The Corp. Yet sometimes, when Leo’s just doesn’t cut it, even the most anti-establishment SFSers will succumb to their consumerist urges and support the capitalist temptress that is The Corp — those apple cinnamon muffins are just too good. But there are some of us whose Flex Dollar accounts seemingly runneth over and, thus, frequent Corp storefronts more than others. To anyone still stinging from their freshman fall Corp rejection, this one’s for you.

Hilltoss

Hilltoss — the bougie student’s Crop Chop and the lazy student’s Sweetgreen. While some of us may balk at the prices — $12 for a salad the size of my palm?— the cost is no problem for your international friend whose parents are either diplomats or “international businessmen” (aka CIA operatives). This Moncler-sporting expat summers in the south of France, skis in the winters at their chalet in Switzerland and is way overdressed for your 9 a.m. “Problem of God” class. They like Hilltoss because it’s sooo much less processed than the rest of the food in the United States; after their refreshing, organic salad they are known to enjoy a cigarette break outside the HFSC.

This ~citizen of the world~ can find kinship in the laptop-sticker-loving social justice warrior waiting behind them in line. Likely a JUPS or WGST major, this person hails from Long Island or a wealthy Jersey suburb, probably spells their name weirdly — you’re not fooling anyone, Maddisynne — and used to love infinity signs and WeHeartIt but now has deleted all social media so they can be more “in touch with nature.” Though the rest of us may term them “granola,” they prefer to be called “sustainable” or “ecological.”

Uncommon Grounds

This artsy coffee snob was definitely deciding between Wesleyan, NYU, and Georgetown. They have a Crosley record player and listen exclusively to the Velvet Underground and Nirvana. UG is the perfect place for them to drink some ~real~ coffee while journaling or writing poetry in their Moleskine. Something about the album cover wall art and deliberately disheveled decor really gets their creative juices flowing and the “accidental” coffee rings on their papers make them feel authentic.

MUG

This ICC holy grail serves students of all kinds, from all backgrounds and in all schools, but there is one they serve the most — the over-caffeinated SFSer who just has SO MANY core requirements, three State Department internships at once, is learning their fifth language and really wants you to know they’re in the SFS and that their workload is harder than yours. One of the few breeds on campus able to navigate the labyrinth of the ICC, this student can often be seen running from “Map of the Modern World” to Arabic with a Corp coffee cup in hand. The best course of action is to get out of their way and get them their coffee as fast as possible — they’re in the SFS after all, so they need it more than you.

Hoya Snaxa

Most people who enter this glorified broom cupboard are under some sort of influence, be it exhaustion, alcohol or some other ~controlled~ substance. It takes a lot for someone to willingly shove themselves into a closet stuffed to the brim with likely expired drugstore candy and very few do so completely sober. The typical Snaxa-goer is a Southwest Quad sophomore looking for a lighter and some Cheetos to aid in their cannabis-related endeavors. They probably are in Ultimate Frisbee and are majoring in Econ or OPIM. This classic Hoya bro is definitely sporting head-to-toe Georgetown athletic gear despite not having been on a sports team since 10th grade — unless FIFA counts.

Midnight Mug

This person is that friend who never goes to lecture, writes papers drunk and still manages to make the Dean’s List. Whatever they lack in work ethic they make up for with determination, nerve and coffee. This highly caffeinated Hoya is an avid Redditor, with a taste in memes you don’t understand and a passion for conspiracy theories like, “Jack the Bulldog is actually a robotic surveillance device deployed by the Soviets during the Cold War, and that’s why you can never pet him.”  You can find this person on Lau 2 at 11 p.m. the night before an essay they haven’t started is due, watching “Illuminati Confirmed” videos.

Vital Vittles

Nearly everyone goes to Vittles, but none more so than the sleep-deprived MSBro — or, I’m told, people getting ready to throw a Henle rager. Desperately in need of some Nutella or Red Bull to patch their life back together after scrolling through Facebook videos instead of studying for three hours, what this person really needs is a hug. Yet, all they get is a giant pack of oddly flavored potato chips they didn’t want because Vittles was out of what they really wanted.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, thecorp.org

You Are What You Eat: What Your Georgetown Dining Preference Says About You

Let’s be honest: Georgetown isn’t exactly known for its food. (Fun fact: Niche.com ranked us 1,017 out of 1,384  schools in its 2017 rankings for the “Best College Food in America”).

Nevertheless, with the renovation of an upper level of Leo’s that only flooded once this year and the addition of Chick-fil-A, we shouldn’t be complaining too much. And with all these new eateries come new types of people. Here are all of the different types of hungry Hoyas you’ll see throughout the Hilltop.

5 Spice

Probably an ex-boarding school student, this person is a veteran of Chinese takeout, constantly ordering the chicken fried rice, egg rolls and fried pork dumplings. Perhaps 5 Spice isn’t as luxurious as Shanghai Lounge, but with limited flex dollars you gotta ball on a budget with those meal swipes and make the most of it. You’ll probably never see this person actually eating in Leo’s — they’re most likely munching away at their sesame chicken while playing League of Legends or watching the basketball game on their laptop.

Sazón

One of the most annoying eaters, a Sazón lover is that person screaming when “Despacito” comes on in a sweaty Henle. This person probably studied abroad and applied to live in a Spanish LLC after getting an A- in Intermediate II. Oh, and did they mention they studied abroad? The yellow rice from Sazón must have cultured them and ingrained both some ~diversity~ and ~perspective~.

Bodega

This one’s a joke. Does anyone even eat here? Although I’ve never seen a line here, I imagine a Bodega lover is the type of person you’d see on a Georgetown brochure — organized, studious, disciplined and never puking off a Vil A rooftop on Georgetown Day.

Olive Branch

Found in a Moncler coat and some hipster glasses, the standard Olive Branch customer is either a faux Italian or an expat who believes  a ham, feta and spinach pizza really reflects their ~international status~. You’ll often find this person hanging out with the same three people every single day. Catch them at Sax or some bourgeois club away from us plebeians who don’t have cool accents.

Downstairs Leo’s

You should always eat with this person, as they probably have zero standards for food and therefore will never complain about your cooking. The typical Downstairs Leo’s customer has both a large heart and stomach and probably complains about the small portion sizes at 5 Spice while defending the integrity of Georgetown mice — “They’re not even that bad.” These people are the least uptight and most carefree people you’ll  meet in your life — a nice change of pace from the SFS kid who reminds you of his internship every day in class or that one freshman who claims she needs to live in a Henle or Vil B next year.

Crop Chop

“Did I tell you I don’t eat complex carbs?” A regular Crop Chop fanatic will often be found ordering a kale salad inundated with a sour vinaigrette dressing. You can often spot Crop Chop lovers in Lululemon leggings on the way to Yates. If they don’t remind you  they’re vegan or complain that “greasy” upstairs Leo’s promotes college obesity and unhealthy living,  consider yourself lucky.

Royal Jacket

You should envy this person. How does someone have so much time to wait 30 minutes in line for a turkey and cheese sandwich? God forbid this person be found in Lau. Lauinger? Never heard of her. You’ll only spot them in the bourgeois resorts of Regents or working arduously in the MSB.

And of course, we mustn’t forget the majority of Hoyas who will be found drunkenly ordering Insomnia Cookies or Wingos in the late hours of the weekend. Good luck on your exams and happy eating!

Sources: niche.com, giphy.com

March Madness Advice

It’s official: March Madness is upon us. I’m told by some alumni that there was once a time when the Georgetown basketball team was part of this tournament, but much like the stories of the days when students allegedly “went to games” and “could name a player on the team,” I’m pretty sure this is just a rumor. Regardless, we here at 4E (AKA the ~real~ sports section of The Hoya) have come up with some helpful advice for building that perfect bracket.

When you see that Syracuse somehow made it in

Consider Picking Schools That Have Jack-Like Mascots

The real tragedy of us missing the tournament is that the world will be deprived of seeing our beloved Jack the Bulldog ride his skateboard or drive his car around the court. But luckily, March Madness will still have some canine representation. Here are some possible picks you should consider based on their potential for adorableness:

Gonzaga Bulldogs:

Their “dog” is named Spike. It’s just a guy in a suit. No actual dog. Disappointing. 2/10.

Butler Bulldogs:

Their dog is named Blue. He’s no Jack, but at least he’s an actual dog. Overall, pretty cute. Nice smile. Would definitely pet. 7/10.

UMBC (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) Retrievers:

The dog is named “True Grit”. Creative choice. Unclear if the mascot is “officially” just a guy in a suit, but according to Google Images, they seem to frequently have a plethora of live retrievers present at many events. I endorse this. Reminds me of Air Bud. 9/10.

      

 

Stay Away From the Big East

As many of you may know, many of the other teams in the Big East were very mean to the Hoyas this season. They often (very rudely) chose to score a lot of points and also frequently prevented us from scoring some points of our own. Very inconsiderate! Karma will not be kind to them in the tournament — stay away!

When someone says Villanova is going to win it all this year

Also, Providence has this horrifying mascot. We can’t pick them knowing this thing will be there.

It’s gonna be a no for me, dawg

Remember Your Jesuit Values

The Arizona State Sun Devils? The Duke Blue Devils? Not today, Satan! These squads are clearly trying to tempt you into straying from your Jesuit values. March Madness is no time for such sinful endeavors, my fellow men and women for others. We suggest you play it safe and stick with the Penn Quakers — based on what little information I remember from my sixth-grade social studies class  my extensive research, Quakers and Jesuits are essentially the same thing.

Also, remember that Penn once kindly took Ivanka off our hands, further proving their charitable nature (#NotMyFirstDaughter #WhyIsGeorgetownAssociatedWithSoManyTrumpChildren #TiffanyActuallySeemsOkThough). With all this in mind, Penn is pretty much a surefire pick for the Final Four.

When God sees you filling out your bracket

Don’t Pick Michigan State.

This one may seem both arbitrary and contrary to popular opinion, but remember this: current star player and probable future lottery pick Jaren Jackson Jr. chose Michigan State over Georgetown. Yes, way back in 2016, the highly touted recruit included Georgetown among his final five school choices and then somehow didn’t pick us. Wyd Jaren?? Didn’t the tour guides tell you about new Leo’s? Were you not impressed by Lau? Did the rats scare you off??

Whatever the reason, to quote the internship rejection emails I keep getting, we’ve unfortunately “decided to go in a different direction” on this one and cannot recommend that our readers pick Michigan State. And if you’re reading this, Jaren Jackson Jr., please consider forgoing your lucrative NBA career in favor of transferring to the Hilltop next year. Patrick Ewing is really cool and some students will probably show up at a home game at some point. Also, we have a Chick-Fil-A now!

Bet you thought all my advice was going to be based solely on mascots, didn’t you? #insightful

And finally….

Do Not Pick Syracuse

Enough said.

We hope you have fun this month, and remember: next year will be better! We look forward to seeing you all at the Arena Formerly Known as the Verizon Center for the one game you’ll attend before leaving early to go to Rocket Bar.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, pinterest.com, golfdigest.com, kentuckysportsradio.com

Snakes of Georgetown

Urban Dictionary defines a snake as: “someone who you think is sincere and really nice, but then turns out to be a backstabber.” To people of Georgetown who have slightly inconvenienced me: welcome to your tape.

Security Guards at Lau – They let in homeless people but make me get out my GoCard. I go to Lau 1 at least three times a day.

People that don’t hold the door for you at Leo’s – Do you know how hard it is to open those heavy doors? Help a weak girl out here.

Tired Corp employee on a Sunday – I know you’re hungover, but can you at least look up at me while taking my order?

Freshman RAs – My study abroad application still lists my first week of school write-up as a disciplinary sanction. Did my noise complaint really disturb the peace of New South?

Professors who take off points after the third absence – I know this is all of them, but three absences really aren’t too many.

People who wear glasses and don’t need them, but just want to look smart and trendy – I’m essentially blind, so please don’t appropriate my culture.

Whisk guy who takes food orders – Stop taking 10 orders at once, forgetting them all, and then asking everyone their order again! It’s not an efficient system!

THAT ONE LXR SECURITY GUARD – You all know the one. We all have beef with her. Avoid this one at all costs.

The Walsh Building – It’s always blasting heat, the elevator takes forever, and the bathrooms are gross and have graffiti all over them. Students of the humanities truly do suffer.

People who press “Door Close” in an elevator when they see someone coming – You’re petty.

Jack the Bulldog’s walkers – I swear these people think they run the school. Once I was denied petting Jack because it wasn’t his “petting time.” I’m still not over it.

 

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, flickr.com

The Five Worst Types of People During Midterm Szn

Okay, first of all, why are they called midterms when they start during the third week of a semester and last until finals? Honestly, it’s a living hell.

Now that our first week of bliss has ended, midterms have inevitably begun to plague our lives. Who knew that we could cram five books on the theories of Plato into our poor little heads during one night in Lau? We begin the long nights of studying, the copious amounts of caffeine and the stressful ordering of Dominos’ unhealthily-cheesy pizza.

And during this infamous #szn, there are a few types of ~special~ people who make midterms even better. And by better I mean worse:

1. The “I Have More Work Than You” Person

We all know this person.  The moment we decide to tell the rest of the world that we have an Econ midterm and that we’re dying, this lovable individual decides to announce that they have a ten-page paper along with two midterms.

Um, did I ask? No. Let me wallow in my own misery and self-pity for my current state of being. Please. Don’t compare your overbearing workload to mine. Don’t turn this into a contest for who has more work. Trust me, you don’t get a prize.

2. The Wannabe Einstein

“Omg, I didn’t even study for the test, and I got an A.” Right. That’s believable. I’m sorry, are you a genius, or just incredibly lucky? You really mean to tell me that you didn’t pay attention to a single lecture and your eyes didn’t even unintentionally glance over a few sheets of paper to review for the test? Really? Call me a pessimist, but for some unfathomable reason, I find that hard to believe.

3. The Whiner

Maybe this is me just being really unsympathetic toward others or just being a terrible person in general, but I don’t want to listen to you complain about your workload. Then again, I’m guilty of this so I really have no valid reason to be upset. I guess the overall lesson is that college — as fun as it can be — really,  likes to make our lives miserable at times. Who would’ve thought that staying up until 5:30 a.m. in Lau and writing a paper on British poetry was not an ~ideal~ way to spend the night?

4. The Mathematician

“If I get a 86 exactly on this midterm, I’ll for sure get an A for the semester.”  Let me preface this by saying that I’m already stressed as is for tests and I don’t need a grade to quantify my own stupidity. That was a little bit harsh; I’ll rephrase. Please don’t tell me what you need to get an A for the WHOLE semester. I’m just trying to pass one little test over here. Baby steps.

5. The Plague-Bringer

To be fair, I was this person during my first semester, so I know how awful it is. It’s that one individual who decides to hack up a lung every five seconds or unapologetically sniffle continuously for an hour.

I know, I know- we really shouldn’t get mad. But just imagine being on Lau 4 – it’s dead silent, and you’ve finally gotten into the working mood (if that even exists). All of a sudden, this lovely person begins to cough so badly you don’t know whether to go over and ask if they need help or just slowly get very, very annoyed until you call it quits and leave Lau altogether.

Spoiler: it’s usually the latter.

So there you have it: all your favorite people during midterm szn. Good luck, Hoyas. You’re going to need it.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, oxbridgeacademy.edu

Most Romantic Valentine’s Day Movies

It’s officially February, and you know what that means: studying for midterms, distracting fellow Hoyas with your nonstop coughing in class and, of course, planning for Valentine’s Day! Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to finally make your move and we here at 4E have come up with some surefire ways to make your date night a total success. Check out our definitive list of ~The Most Romantic Valentine’s Day Movies of All Time~ to impress your future Hoya spouse:

Titanic

Yes, Leonardo DiCaprio has sadly gone from “certified heartthrob” to “creepy guy who asks you how old you are at the homecoming tailgate,” but it’s easy to ignore that precipitous decline when you see him on screen in this late-90s classic. Celine Dion? Drawing people like French girls? Drowning? Could it be any more romantic? (Yes, that was a Chandler reference — be sure to do that exact impression at some point during your date to keep up the whole 90s theme.)

When you stand on the edge of the LXR Rooftop

Call Me By Your Name

Armie Hammer? Timothée Chalamet? Say no more.

When “Mr. Brightside” comes on

When Harry Met Sally

This one scores big on the Romance Scale for the simple fact that Harry is played by the same guy who voices Mike Wazowski. That’s really going to set the mood you’re looking for. You’re welcome.

You vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about

Gone With the Wind

This movie is a great way to let your potential bae know that you’re “majoring in English and minoring in Film”. Alternatively, if you’re still trying to keep up the whole “I’m going to land a Goldman internship” charade, we suggest you watch something else.

Ya idk I’ve never actually seen this movie

St. Elmo’s Fire

A Georgetown Classic. Rob Lowe’s character is 100 percent the kind of Hoya who gets way too into Jersey Night and exclusively communicates using the phrases “u up?”, “wyd” and “come to New South”. Demi Moore is also there, along with 3/5 of The Breakfast Club cast. Fun. Diverse. Romantic!

Smile if you got into GUASFCU!

She’s the Man

The greatest movie of all time? We think so. If your date doesn’t understand “how they don’t just realize that Amanda Bynes is clearly a girl”, she’s too young for you, bro.

Also, if anyone has any idea where Amanda Bynes is these days, please contact the staff here at 4E ASAP. We are very concerned and miss her terribly.

The Meryl Streep of our generation

Bee Movie

Fun fact: When he was 39, Jerry Seinfeld dated a 17-year-old who attended GWU. Seriously, google it. What a classic #DC romance! This is the perfect movie if your date is a much older sitcom star.

???? I don’t understand the appeal

Stuart Little*

*[Insert Wisey’s Rat joke here]

**Yes I know Stuart is technically a “mouse” and not a “rat”, but let’s be honest, you’d still call facilities if you saw that thing anywhere near your apartment.

So they…adopt the mouse? Like instead of adopting an actual child who needs a family??

Spy Kids 2

Spy Kids 2? I know what you’re thinking. Yes, it must be Spy Kids 2, not Spy Kids 1. This one has Steve Buscemi AND Emily Osment. And if you’re date has the audacity to suggest you watch Spy Kids 3? Get out of there before it’s too late. Also, the girl who plays Carmen is now married to Carlos from Big Time Rush and the guy who plays Juni is engaged to Meghan Trainor. Be sure to mention this to your date so they know you keep up with all the latest political news.

Nothing but respect for MY Presidents

So there you have it, kids. You can’t go wrong with a single one of these movies this Valentine’s Day. Good luck, Hoyas!

Photos/Gifts: giphy.com, vanityfair.com, ew.com, amazon.com, misucell.com