How to Throw the Perfect Inauguration Day Party

January 20th 2017 is an important date for two reasons. First, it marks the inauguration of our nation’s 45th President and ushers in a new and unprecedented era in American history. Secondly, and much more importantly, it’s an official Georgetown University holiday, which means that we all get to be MSB students for a day and share in the luxurious experience of having no Friday classes! So if you’re searching for a fun way to spend your day off, look no further: we here at 4E have got you covered with some tips and tricks for the perfect Inauguration Day party.

Find the perfect spot to host

When you’re searching for the right place to throw your Inauguration Day bash, we recommend you choose a different location from wherever you hosted your Election Night party a few months ago- after all, nothing ruins a good party faster than terrifying flashbacks! Your best bet in terms of location is definitely the Village A rooftop. While you can’t really see the Capitol building from the roof, you can see the Washington Monument, which we all know provides the perfect patriotic background for that inevitable Inauguration Day Instagram, which you’ll probably post with an original, hilarious caption like #MakeAmericaLITagain

Invite some VIPs

To quote our next President, your party can’t be full of “losers and haters,” so when it comes to making your guest list, be sure to go the extra mile. Actually, you don’t even have to go a whole mile- just walk the few blocks to John Kerry’s house and invite him to your awesome party. He obviously can’t RSVP to your Facebook event for security reasons, so your safest bet is definitely to just go knock on his door and ask him face to face. His secret service agents totally won’t mind as long as you remember to extend the invitation to them as well. In the meantime, wander around campus and you’ll probably run into frequent Dahlgren Chapel-attendee, Joe Biden, or Georgetown’s favorite son and America’s favorite almost-first-husband, Bill Clinton. And after this election cycle, these guys are definitely ready to kick back and party, so be sure to toss an invite their way.

Make a playlist

No Inauguration Day party would be complete without the musical stylings of Trump’s new best friend, Kanye West. After the craziness known as the 2016 election, I don’t think any of us would even be surprised at this point if Kanye somehow ended up with a Cabinet position. In fact, we’re calling it now: we think a Trump/West 2020 ticket is in our future (in four years, remember you heard it here at 4E first!). And if Kanye’s ascent into the political arena is imminent, we must enjoy his musical genius while we still can. So at your party, be sure to “Runaway” from your fears about the next four years, ignore all those fake news stories and focus on the “Facts (Charlie Heat Version)” and remember that we can still be “Stronger” together even though Donald Trump will soon have all that “POWER” to “Run This Town.”

Choose beverages wisely

If you’re still feeling patriotic and want to make a political statement at your party, follow President Obama’s lead by enacting your own symbolic sanctions against Russia in the most college-way possible: boycotting Russian-brand vodka. In terms of what you can realistically afford, this basically means no Russian Standard and no Stolichnaya. Don’t worry, Smirnoff doesn’t count. If you’re looking for an alternative, we here at 4E recommend everyone’s favorite delicious (and American-made!) vodka, Burnett’s. For more information on this flavored poison refreshing beverage, check out some of our diligent research here.

There you have it: a few simple tips and tricks to make your Inauguration Day one to remember. And finally before we go, if you’re reading this, Mr. Trump (and based on your bizarre social media habits, there’s sadly good chance that you actually are), we wish you luck. Despite our differences, we hope that you prove us wrong and use these next four years to help lead our country in the right direction. But in the meantime, we here at 4E will continue to contribute to the “crooked media” by low key roasting you on a regular basis. Here’s to the next four years, neighbor.

Gifs: giphy.com, teepublic.com

President-Elect Donald Trump’s Cabinet Picks Celebrity Apprentice Version

trump cabinetIt has been a little over a month since our nation elected our 45th president, and slowly but surely, our country is accepting the results. President-elect Trump has just about finalized his Cabinet, leaving many Americans equally disillusioned. With that being said, I am not here to comment on politics or on the choices our President-Elect has made, but rather, to offer my opinions on who he should have appointed to Cabinet positions from his wildly successful television series, The Celebrity Apprentice. I whole-heartedly believe these “celebrities” could do the job better than anyone our future president could nominate.

Education Secretary: Lil Jon

Who could be a better Education Secretary than Lil Jon? With a high school education under his belt and a grasp on the English language so strong he was able to come up with the party-shattering lyrics:

“Fire up that loud
Another round of shots

Turn down for what?” (repeat 5x)

This man clearly knows what a good education is all about. All jokes aside, he could do wonders for schools’ fine arts programs.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Lisa Rinna

The clear pick of all former cast mates is Lisa Rinna. This woman knows what she is talking about in regards to surgeries. She is an admitted fan of Botox and can talk about lip injections more knowledgeably than a plastic surgeon.

Secretary of Transportation: Khloe Kardashian

I would like to start off by saying the Kardashians are practically America’s royalty, so obviously one of them needs to be in our government. Khloé should be a go-to pick for Trump, considering she knows a thing or two about expensive cars and private jets.

Secretary of Treasury: Teresa Giudice

Another no-brainer: why wouldn’t we want Teresa Giudice in charge of the Treasury? She went to jail and learned her lesson about fraud and tax evasion, so who better than to manage our nation’s wealth? If anyone knows anything about the importance of healthy finances, it is this woman.

Secretary of Defense: Piers Morgan

Have we all seen Piers Morgan’s Twitter attacks on Chrissy Teigen? I mean honestly I would not want to oppose this guy. All it will take is 140 characters for him to bring down Putin.

Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Similar to Teresa Giudice, I think Snooki would be an excellent addition to our nation’s Cabinet considering she has learned from experience. After PETA put Snooki on blast for dyeing her dog purple, I truly believe she is a reformed woman and would do our nation well by serving as Administrator of Environmental Protection Agency.

Administrator of Small Business Administration: Stephen Baldwin

As the not as famous Baldwin brother, Stephen knows what it is like to deal with “less.” Less fame, less fortune, less popularity. Therefore, who would be better-equipped than to deal with small businesses, who, let’s face it, cannot compare to corporations like Microsoft and Apple, than Stephen Baldwin?

Ambassador to the United Nations: Sharon Osbourne

The clear pick is Sharon Osbourne. She has a British accent, need I say more?

So who will be President-Elect Trump’s Secretary of State appointment? Your guess is as good as mine, but if we’re going by The Celebrity Apprentice cast, my vote would be for Kevin Jonas because, come on, who wouldn’t love a Jonas in the spotlight again?

Gifs: giphy.com

4E’s Guide to Spotting a Freshman

freshmanFreshman year is described as a “time of transition.” It is almost like a second awkward stage since you have to adjust to a completely different lifestyle (except hopefully you’re rocking a better haircut this time around). Perhaps the biggest “no-no” of being a freshman is looking like a freshman. Here are five obvious ways to spotting a freshman.

1. Still Reps Their High School Gear

Yes, your school might have provided you with endless Nike and Under Armor apparel, but perhaps this is best left at home so that you can pledge your allegiance to your new school: Georgetown University. On the other hand…

2. Wears Head to Toe Georgetown Clothing

We get it, you go here!!!! We know how hard you worked to get here and understandably, this comes with quite a bit of school pride. But maybe just pick the Georgetown sweatshirt and don’t go for the full on HoyaSaxa sweatsuit (including Georgetown hat and socks).

3. Wears a Lanyard with a Key Around Their Neck

Much like an ugly haircut during your awkward stage, this is simply a phase every freshman goes through. Learn from it and move on is all that I can say.

4. Actually Dresses Up for Class

No, this is not the Oscars, nor is it another Kardashian wedding. This is class (i.e. a time to catch up on sleep learn). You do not need to wear the finest clothing in your wardrobe. Please take note that athleisure is a trend people!

5. Only Travel in Packs

Have you ever seen a freshman by himself/herself? Probably not. There is safety in numbers and freshmen simply have not learned the concept of independence. We get it! You’re new here and don’t want to look stupid alone. We promise no one is judging what you’re doing; we’re all too busy worrying about whether or not Kim Kardashian will ever return to social media or if Brad Pitt will get more than a monthly visit with the kids.

If you spot a student with one (or all) of these attributes, you can be certain they are a freshman. But hey, go easy on freshmen: you either are living it or have lived through it. The same way you wouldn’t want 4E to investigate your middle school years, freshmen don’t want to be ostracized by their older, significantly cooler peers.

Gifs: giphy.com

The 5 Types of Parents and Family Members You Met at Parents Weekend

Banner - Parents WeekendIt has been seven weeks since you left home to come to Georgetown. Whether you are returning for another killer year or are a first timer on the Hilltop, it is still hard being away from your family for seven weeks, which is why Parent and Family Weekend is a much welcomed affair. Here are the five types of parents you probably met during the course of the weekend:

1) The One Looking to Get Drunk With Their Kids

For this guy/gal, the opportunity to relive their glory days is too good to pass up. He/she had a great time in college and is looking to recreate the memories, only this time, their children will be present. What could be better (worse)?

2) The One Who Asks Way One Too Many Questions

This is the parent who could have looked up all of the info online, but would rather ask in person ensuring everyone’s annoyance. Before receiving an answer to one question, they are already onto the next. No matter how stupid the question, you better believe they will ask it.

3) The Alum

Yes, their son/daughter might have been living here for at least the past seven weeks, but this parent knows it better because they went here in the 80s. If they are not the one giving the tour to the family, they are definitely the one regaling the family with their “crazy” memories.

4) The One Who is Ready to Move in

This parent loves his or her kid, but might love Georgetown even more. They frequently mention loving the atmosphere and a willingness to give up everything to move here. Whether it’s nostalgia for the college years, simply love for everything that IS Georgetown or just really missing their kid, you’d better make room in your already cramped VCW for a surprise move-in.

5) The Sibling

Sure, they were excited to reunite with their sibling and explore the campus, but they were asked “Are you gonna apply to Georgetown?” a few too many times to enjoy the weekend.

So there you have it. Perhaps you met one, if not all, of these parents or family members this weekend. But what else is there to say besides: we at 4E LOVE our Georgetown parents and families!!!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, usnews.com

4E’s Guide to Freshman Networking

Freshman Networking 101

So it’s August before your freshman year of college and you’re wondering: “How am I going to make friends?” To be honest, everyone here is in the same boat of knowing practically no one once they arrive on campus (unless you are from Delbarton, because half of Georgetown males graduated from there) so there is no need to be nervous. However, to alleviate your worries, here are five sure fire questions to get the conversation started.

1) Where are you from?
Not surprisingly, this is an excellent follow up question to “What’s your name?” For many, this is their first time living in a place where everyone did not grow up in the same town, so this is a great conversation starter. Pro tip: Try not to roll your eyes when someone says they are from Jersey (there is a reason 95% of the school is from there #jerseypride!!!!).

2) Is your name Sam/Sarah?
Similar to Jersey, it seems like everyone here is either named Sam or Sarah. If you see someone who looks like a potential new BFF, confidently stride over to them and ask “Is your name Sam?” (if he is a boy) or “Sarah?” (if she is a girl). The odds are in your favor that they will say, “Yes! How did you know?” Even if the answer is no, at least you are talking!

3) Did you go to Delbarton?
This is a grade A question to ask a boy. No one loves Delbarton as much as a Delbarton kid and no one loves to rip on Delbarton as much as a student from literally any other school. If they are from Delbarton, congrats! You have now entered a one way convo about how awesome Delbarton is. If not, you can now bond with someone over how the vast majority of Georgetown men are graduates of Delbarton.

4) Which family member went here?
Georgetown is BIG on legacy. Not that there is anything wrong with that – why not keep Hoya blood in the family? I would venture to say 80% of the kids I met my first week of freshman year mentioned a family member graduating from here within the first few minutes of conversation. Needless to say, this is a safe question to ask and you should look forward to being regaled with stories someone’s uncle shared about Georgetown in the ’80s.

5) What clubs do you want to join?
You have probably heard that Georgetown is big on involvement in student organizations. (I know it was mentioned on both of my tours and at least 25 times during GAAP weekend.) Eager freshmen will be able to list off at least 13 clubs they want to join while the rest of us will probably go with the tried and true “The Corp.” Try and master the phrase: “Oh, you are interested in joining The Corp too?” before stepping foot on campus for your freshman fall semester.

So there ya have it! Five questions a step above small talk that will not fail you when you try to get a conversation going with the 300th person you have met that day! As you can tell, my #Jerseypride might be coming out a little bit.

Images: giphy.com

Initiation By Fire: The Levels of Lau

The Levels of Lau

Maybe you find Lau endearing – its white cinderblock walls, mysterious plethora of locked doors, and lack of windows inspire productivity in you – or maybe you can only be lured in by study groups unwilling to relocate to more scenic locations. In my first four weeks on the Hilltop, I have learned – through trial and error (mostly error) – the distinct personalities that characterize the five floors of the sprawling, Brutalist concrete monstrosity that is Lauinger Library.

Level 5

If Level 4 is already a quiet floor, what purpose does Level 5 serve? What kind of desire for concentration merits walking up two flights of stairs to get to 5? I have dared to venture onto this floor solely for the investigative purposes of writing this (highly informative) article.

Some helpful tips:
Talking: punishable by death
Using a computer keyboard: warrants dirty looks
Owning devices that emit beeps: unacceptable
Breathing: begrudgingly allowed

2

Level 4

The true quiet floor. The arrangement of red chairs near the elevator attempts to create a cozy aesthetic, but don’t be fooled by this homey illusion. Two weeks into the semester, I learned that NSO was indeed over when, whilst QUIETLY talking to my friend, I was asked to leave the fourth floor. To this studious upperclassman, whom I continue to see all too frequently, I am both apologetic – and still offended.

4E 1

Level 3

In terms of quietness, level 3 provides the perfect environment in which being a functional human being (breathing, moving, etc.) is acceptable, and loudly gossiping about someone else’s Friday night escapades is not.

However, the level three reading room presents two critical issues:

  • Memories of the hot sweaty awkwardness of Club Lau must be suppressed.
  • One must accept that this room is a fishbowl visible to any and all onlookers outside of Lau.

Level 2

Level two is a floor of temptation and lack of productivity. This floor is conducive to group “work” (collective procrastination) and is home to Midnight MUG, luring students away from their studies with the bait of sugary, caffeinated beverages. Floor two features an uncomfortably open space that raises dilemmas such as: is walking to Midnight MUG worth having EVERYONE stare at you?

Level 1

So far, the only useful thing here is that there is a bathroom that everyone didn’t just see you walk into (unlike Lau 2) or can hear you in (unlike all other floors).

“Basement”

The fact that Lau has a dungeon should be surprising to no one, considering the general level of enthusiasm that surrounds spending the day at Lau and the uncanny resemblance our library bears to a bomb shelter. This floor is surreptitiously referred to as “LL” in the elevators and is presumably where people who spill coffee, deface cubicles, and loudly eat chips in the third floor reading room are held captive.

It's basically a bunker...
It’s basically a bunker…

Images: giphy.com, blog.thehoya.com 

9 Reasons Why We Love The Farmers Market

Banner - FarmersAh, Wednesdays. It’s a special type of day… not only because we’ve gotten through half of the week, but also because our generous university has gifted us with the deliciousness that is the Farmers Market. Here are nine reasons we are in love with it – is your favorite on the list?

  1. That Incredible Pizza

The Timber Pizza Company hits it out the park every time. You can get an amazing wood-fired pizza that’s classic cheese, pepperoni or veggie/pesto-style. Any way you order it, the pizza is so fresh and delicious that no one would judge you if you got right back in line for another.

2. It’s Not From Leo’s
Let’s face it, you need to avoid it at all costs a break once in a while.

3. Churros. Stuffed. With. Nutella.
Quite honestly, there’s little to nothing I would rather have right now. The name says it all.

4. Rita’s To-Die-For Crepes

They start out with the perfect crepe, and from there you can go savory or sweet – or both!

5. The Dumplings
Pinch’s handmade Chinese dumplings will never let you down. As my official go-to farmers market meal, I highly recommend these little pockets of perfection.

6. Melties

The combination of warm cookies and ice cream will make you want to cry the happiest tears of joy.

7. Swizzler’s ~Gourmet~ Hot Dogs
I said gourmet, right? I’ll bet you haven’t had a hot dog this fancy in your life. So do yourself a favor and treat yo’ self.

8. The Ambiance
You gotta love the happy, heart-warming atmosphere on Copley Lawn every Wednesday. Break out that picnic blanket, grab some friends and get out there!

9. You’re Slowly Becoming More Of An Adult

What? Is that you buying fruit and bread for breakfast, carrying around grocery bags, and providing for yourself? Props to you, you fully functioning adult!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, gufarmersmarket.org

4E’s Fall 2016 Blog Babies

New BloggiesEvery semester, The Hoya welcomes incredible new talent. As always, we at 4E were impressed with the blogging potential of all our applicants, and are pleased to introduce the following new writers and give you a preview of their talents:

Madison Santoli (COL ’18)

Madison

Top 3 90’s Cliché High School Moments

  1. Walking down the stairs dramatically and in slow-motion, revealing a transformation from frizzy haired and braces wearing 16 year old, to the hottest prom date ever.
  2. A cheerleader in a way skimpier uniform than any high school would allow shoving another girl against a locker and telling her to stay away from her boyfriend.
  3. Being Hilary Duff.

Nikki Hauser (COL ’19)

Nikki

Top 3 Foods To Eat After A Night Out

  1. French fries covered in cheese and bacon. What could be better than a fresh batch of glistening french fries, you ask? How about topping it with even more of your favorite foods? Ooze that cheddar cheese, sprinkle that bacon and you got yourself a slammin’ midnight snack.
  2. Microwaved cookie dough topped with ice cream. For those of you worried about Salmonella poisoning, don’t be – this is sooo worth it.
  3. That thing leftover in your fridge. Is it the other half of a Subway sandwich you wanted to save but forgot about? Or maybe it’s that berry-delicious yogurt you bought two months ago?

Lisa Park (MSB ’20)

Lisa

Top 3 Moments That Made Me Realize Childhood Was Over

  1. That time Amanda Bynes was spotted with dimple piercings and a crazy blonde wig, marking the end of her career.
  2. That time Miley Cyrus touched herself with a foam finger and grinded on Robin Thicke at the VMA Awards.
  3. That time when Ryan Lochte had a TV show for only a month because all he said was “Jeah.”

Joseph O’Reilly (COL ’20)

Joseph

Top 3 Strange Things A Randomly Selected Roommate Could Bring

  1. An assortment of 11 French cheeses that add a pungent scent to the room.
  2. The mysterious black substance that keeps reappearing on the sink.
  3. An industrial printer remotely three times the size of anything appropriately sized.

Caroline Bucca (NHS ’20)

Caroline

Top 3 People Commonly Seen On The Bus

  1. The impatient businessman (*cough* MSB *cough*): Loud talking and impeccably pressed suits are a must. The shiny watch is the ultimate accessory. The phone is an afterthought.
  2. The coffee slurper/spiller: They’ll bring a large coffee cup – probably a Starbucks drink–  and will proceed to slurp the drink because it’s hot. They’ll be very loud, and probably will spill it at least twice. If you don’t see one on the bus, it’s probably you.
  3. The old high school classmate: Enjoy stories of “Remember___?” or “How I’m doing” for the entirety of the ride. We try extremely hard to avoid them, but ultimately, nobody can avoid his or her past.

Sarah Reuter (COL ’20)

Sarah

Top 3 Thoughts From The John Carroll Statue

  1. “Well, the clock tower is behind me, but I am pretty sure your 9 a.m. class started 20 minutes ago. Sweat pants and yesterday’s makeup? You do you, girl.”
  2. “Oh good, freshmen wandering over after the Vil A party, which they weren’t invited to, started ‘getting lame.’ Hi. Wow. Yes, you’re high on… life… Yes, people have told you that climbing on me is a cool thing to do. Yes, you’re overdue for an insta post. Please don’t throw up on me. Okay, your new BFF has taken a million pictures of you. Time to go. No no, that’s not how you get to Epi from here.”
  3. “Hi there, tour group. Wow, look at you. Already wearing a Georgetown sweatshirt? And khaki pants? And Sperrys? It’s like you already go here! You do know that you won’t get in unless your mom takes notes during the tour and you take a picture with me, right?”

Laura Bell (COL ’19)

Laura

Top 3 Members Of NSYNC

  1. JC Chasez. I realize it’s an unconventional and slightly unpopular choice to not go with Justin here, but the heart wants what the heart wants. Check out the “Pop” music video – JC’s an early Zac Efron prototype.
  2. Justin Timberlake. Obviously the most talent of the bunch, but I’m not sure what to make of his acting career these days, so he loses some serious points there. (Have you seen “Runner, Runner”? If not, don’t.)
  3. Kris Kirkpatrick. The dad of the group, but he also went on to voice everyone’s favorite teen pop star – Chip Skylark – in Fairly Odd Parents. I also personally identify with the song “My Shiny Teeth and Me.”

Julia Axtell (COL ’20)

Julia

Top 3 Places I’ve Eaten Breakfast

  1. Top of Old Rag at sunrise.
  2. Cruise ship balcony overlooking St. Petersburg, Russia.
  3. Beach in Riviera Maya, Mexico.

Photos: facebook.com, blog.thehoya.com

 

 

Horrors from the Intern Desk

internship horror stories

As August approaches, 4E reached out to some interning Hoyas to see how everyone’s summer has been going. What we found terrified us. Turns out that the internships that we slaved all year round to earn came with a few… quirks.
Jack Miller

Read all about our favorite intern horror stories below!

Note: Stories have been edited for grammar only. Anonymity has been granted to all contributors in the effort to preserve hard-earned reputations and dignity upon their return to the Hilltop in the fall. 

  1. Just like in the middle school cafeteria, your seating choice may make or break you.
    “The guy who sits at the desk behind me clips his nails once a week. I have to put headphones in to drown out the noise.”
  2. Hard Truth of Growing Up: Sometimes, mom won’t be right.
    “On my first day at my internship, my mom convinced me to not bring lunch because ‘Everyone will go out together!’ So I didn’t. I ended up sitting in a secluded room separate from the group of 25 interns. I decided to be brave and strolled right in there. Being my friendly self, I asked if anyone wanted to grab lunch. There was no response – not even a ‘Maybe tomorrow.’ Felt like a f****** moron.”
  3. The fashion world was, in fact, accurately depicted in “The Devil Wears Prada.”
    “My email is “intern1″ because in fashion, you don’t get a name.”
  4. When you’re an intern, you are everyone’s last priority.
    “One day, both of my bosses didn’t show up until 3 p.m. because they went to a meeting. This would have been fine, except that they didn’t tell me. I did nothing for six hours.”
  5. Intensive labor is NOT out of the question.
    “One of my jobs is to ensure that there is a pitcher of lemon water on my boss’ desk every morning. I cut and peel the lemons myself. He only accepts fresh squeezed.”
  6. You better ~lose yourself~
    “Someone in my office who I don’t know just calls me “Intern”. When I finally met him, I accidentally said “Hi, I’m Intern” instead of my name.”
  7. Not everyone is, ahem, politically correct. 
    “I [a strong independent woman] got a “You can’t be in finance! You must be on the marketing team!” last week. I can’t decide if that’s a compliment, sexual harassment or gender discrimination.”
  8. And finally, no one is safe from the refrigerator rascals of the world. 
    “Someone ate my lunch last week. I was very sad.”
    We all know what happened next…

We hope the rest of you have much better internship stories to tell this fall!

Gifs/Images: giphy.com, Death Cab for Cutie, http://bit.ly/29DldO5

Meet the New 4E Bloggers

new bloggers

This past weekend, 4E hired eight new, fantastic bloggers! We interviewed a bunch of capable and hilarious bloggers, but these were the eight who caught our eye. We’ve met them, now it is time for you to meet them too:

Katrina Vassell (MSB ’17)

When You Know You Are A Hoya:
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1. When the acronym of your organization is harder to pronounce than the actual name. I’m looking at YOU GUASFCU… or GUAFSCUE… or GUSEFSCU, whatever it is.

2. When you’re unqualified to join the investment fund, but get an internship at Goldman Sachs.

3. When your social life is dictated by your extracurricular activities and your largest, most prestigious fraternity is a coffee shop.

Caroline Platek (COL ’17)

When Playing “The Final Countdown” Would Make Sense:

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1. When Midnight Mug is about to close and you’ll be at LAU for an allnighter, and realize with 2 minutes to spare that you’ll never stay awake without a Midnight Mug treat. And in that moment, you realize there’s no time for organizing your books or packing up shop. So you must trust a fellow cubicle user to “watch my stuff” and then you race down those LAU steps like that MUG snack is the last snack you’ll ever consume. You make it in time, you get your treat, you pull the all-nighter and you have successfully completed the assignment that you started the night before. Hooray.

2. You are thinking of spending the night “with Netflix” and your friends decide to hit the town. You wish them a good time and wrap up in your snuggie like you’re the star of that classic infomercial. Your friends go to that place you all enjoy, and they text you when they arrive because they see the love of your life in the venue. They are about to go to another location and tell you that you should come to the current one within 15 minutes or else they are leaving. You can’t give up on love — this might be your soul mate. So you get ready, you spray the fragrance that tells the world “It’s showtime” and you meet your friends in the nick of time. You’ve landed your crush, you’ve had a good night and you’ve proven that the best nights are those that were not planned.

Lauren Salamon (COL ’19)

The People You’ll Meet Walking on Your First Day:

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1. The Supportive Upperclassman: This person is the best. They probably see you looking dangerously confused in the ICC. “Umm… do you know how to get to 107?” you ask. This friendly stranger will show you the way.

2. The Fellow Freshman: You notice this person a few feet away, also staring at their schedule in a perplexed manner. “Are you a freshman, too?” you ask. Of course they are. You are of little help to one another.

3. The Inanimate Object: If it gets to the point where you are already three minutes late to class, you may curse vengefully at a stagnant elevator or whisper a profanity at another staircase. It’s really their fault, anyway.

Benjamin Balough (COL ’17)

When Blacking Out Would Actually Be Helpful:

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1. Morning after call to the ‘rents telling them you’ve been GERMSed again. #lookatyourlife

2. Falling on your ass in front of your crush at Brown House with a BAC of 0.00%.

3. That one time in Yates where your hottie-spotting to treadmill-walking ratio went from 0 to 100 and you just stood there gaping at the booty for a solid 15 minutes.

Annie Fraser (NHS ’19)

The Most Underrated Fruits:

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1. Grapefruit. Grapefruit is the best citrus out there, and the reason that people don’t agree with me on this is not because I’m “incorrect” or “care too much about grapefruit,” it’s because they’ve never encountered a spoon with serrated edges, “a grapefruit spoon” that allows you to enjoy your delicious grapefruit without all the juice going everywhere. And grapefruit is not too sour, it’s perfectly tangy and delicious. People who don’t like the taste of grapefruit are either: a. children who can’t handle the real world or b. eating under ripe grapefruit.

2. Not Pomegranate. Before you say it, yes, I know, pomegranate does taste good, and pomegranate juice is pretty great. But this isn’t a list of best fruits, and pomegranate is undoubtedly the most overrated fruit. Every time someone actually buys a whole pomegranate, everyone loses their collective mind, but when it comes to actually eat the thing, it’s such a let down. Too many gross tiny seeds, not enough juice and overall just a lot of work. 4/10 overall.

3. Blackberries. Blackberries are great. Shoutout to blackberries.

Athena Yang (NHS ’17)

Best Excuses Not to Take Stairs:

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1. I just ate. This is probably true 87.8% of the time.

2. It was leg day yesterday. This makes me seem like I’m in shape, but in reality, if I took the stairs it would be my leg day today.

3. I’m don’t want to get sweaty because I’m going on a date. Even though it is even less likely for me to be going on a date than walk up the stairs, normal people will never question the logic because they go on dates and know the importance of looking good. I also rather admit that I may sweat after walking up stairs than actually taking the stairs.

Mike Radice (SFS ’18)

The Workers on Campus You Need to Hear About:

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1. Leo’s Card Swipper. This guy sure does have a way with Georgetown students (read: ladies). If you’re a female, he might even grace you with a hearty hello! His everlasting smile and friendly demeanor make him a staple in the fine dining establishment that is O’Donovan’s Waterfront Dining.

2. Einstein’s Sweetheart. You haven’t experienced a true “woman for others” until you’ve met this woman, who runs the show at the Einstein’s in Regents. She prays for you, and will tell you about how she cares for you before you’ve met her. This woman is literally the nicest being on campus. Just try not to smile when you’re near her.

3. Einstein Celebrity. Did you know we have a celebrity of our very own on campus? Bagel artist at the Car Barn Einstein’s by day, beat dropper by night, this lady lives a double life as one of DC’s most respected female rappers. Quiet behind the counter, this diva drops some sick lines in her freestyle raps found here. Check her out!

 

 

Jacky Pi (SFS ’19)

The Best Places to Poop on Campus:

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These places were found based on the merit of cleanliness, privacy, and overall proximity/accessibility on campus.

1. Healey Family Student Center. Private Family Bathroom. Located right before the public women/men bathrooms. Near the Bulldog Tavern. This single stall, clean bathroom is in one of Georgetown’s most popular study spots. You can do your work and your “business” in silence.

2. Davis Performing Arts Center. Located on the lower floor. This place is empty during the day, just don’t go during a show night.

3. Regents. First floor, past the doors. Most science majors are too sleep deprived to even notice the smell.

Look out for their new blog posts coming soon! Welcome to the fam, guys.

Photos: Facebook.com #stalking