The Internet has really, really, really sucked lately. Really really sucked. Get the picture?
Here at 4E we know the importance of good, strong WiFi so…
Here are some tips to help you survive:
Handwrite letters and coerce freshmen or frat pledges into delivering them by promising lifelong friendship.
Train a carrier pigeon. Step-by-step instructions can be found here.
Actually use books for your research instead of online sources. We have a library, despite how soul-crushing it is.
Make decisions without first consulting a Buzzfeed quiz. Even though that is theoretically impossible.
Construct an elaborate zip-line system connecting your windows to your friends’ (Village C to McCarthy or Harbin, Copley to Village B, Darnall to Henle, Kennedy to Reynolds) so you can pop in and share news and cool things without using Facebook messenger.
Stop Facebook stalking your exes and crushes… this is probably a good habit to get into anyway.
Disclaimer: I realize the irony of publishing an article online with tips of how to survive the plague of the slow Internet. It is my sincere hope that SaxaNet (aka SuxaNet) shows mercy on 4E and allows you to load this page (and the pigeon instructions) before it goes under completely.
Godspeed my friends and let the WiFi always be with you.