A few months ago, we received word that legendary Saturday Night Live writer and Weekend Update host Seth Meyers would be doing a show at George Washington University in October for their parents’ weekend (part of some nonnegotiable contract, probably). A few Georgetown students decided to purchase these coveted tickets to see the great comedian and current Late Night host.
He nailed it. For almost 90 minutes, Seth Meyers owned the stage, captured the audience and absolutely nailed all of his jokes. He also taught us a lot of valuable life lessons. Here are a few.
We really do have a lot to worry about here in America.
“We worry about Isis, we worry about Ebola. We worry about Isis getting Ebola and using it as a weapon. We worry about everyone except Isis getting Ebola. Isis really needs to pick a name – they are way less intimidating if you can’t decide whether to call them ‘Isis’ or ‘The Islamic State’ or ‘Elsa’ or whatever. Also, if you see Isis don’t tell them I made a joke about them.”
Obama doesn’t need us.
“I think Obama is ready to be done being president. He doesn’t need the love of the American people. Bill Clinton – he needed the love of the American people. If he could be president again today, he would. George W. Bush might still think he’s president. To make the transition easier for him, they probably told him that he could continue doing the job from Texas.”
Not everyone was happy about Bin Laden’s death.
“Obama is tough to make fun of because he’s really self-aware, but at the White House Correspondent’s dinner I really nailed it. I felt so good about it, and I thought that I would be all over the news on Monday morning; I was just hoping no big news would break over the weekend.
Of course I turn on the news Monday morning and see that we f**king murdered Osama Bin Laden. Honestly, I was so pissed. Like, we chased the guy for 10 f**king years and they had to pick THAT day to finally kill him?
But I do have a theory about this to make myself feel better: I think that Obama knew that I was going to get all the attention, so he assembled all his advisors and was like, ‘Hey, we need to do something, I don’t want jokes about me to be on Monday morning news’, and they were like, ‘Oh, we could kill Bin Laden’ and he said, ‘Do it.’ So, you’re welcome America.”
Paris is tricky.
“I dated my wife for a long time before I finally proposed to her, and by year 4 she was getting really antsy about a ring. For her birthday that year, I suggested we go to Prague but she insisted on Paris. We were walking on a bridge and I dropped my passport. I realized that it would have been easier to kick the passport into the water and say ‘Well, we live in Paris now’ than to get down on one knee in the middle of Paris and come up without a ring in my hand.”
People who live abroad are insufferable.
“They come back and all they talk about is how great it was wherever they lived and how terrible it is here in the United States. They feel the need to show off their new language and insert words randomly into conversation – after dinner they’ll say, “Goodnight, goodnight, buonanotte, WHAT? Wow, why did I just say that? Oh yea, because I lived in Italy last semester!”
Don’t tell me that doesn’t sound a little like one of your study abroad friends (we say it with love!).
So Seth, thanks for teaching me more real life things in your 90-minute show than I’ve learned all year. Saturday Night Live isn’t the same without you.