Despite my status as a social media aficionado, it took me until last week to notice that Facebook now offers us a list of trending topics on the homepage (in that sidebar under the birthday notifications).
This trend-list is much more informative than Twitter’s because it includes a sentence-long description of each trending topic. With trends ranging from breaking news to celebrity disputes, everything you need to know is in this little section of Facebook.
Some of these trends, however, are downright absurd. Here are our favorite and, for lack of a better word, kind of stupid trends from this week:
Lance Stephenson: Charlotte Hornets guard slaps self in face, flops to the ground to draw foul
Jabril and DSR — take notes.
Al Roker: NBC weatherman attempts to set Guinness World Record for longest continuous weather report.
“I wish the weather report was even longer,” said no one ever.
Shaun Hill: St. Louis Rams quarterback catches his own pass after ball deflects off of 2 players.
Hot potato, hot potato.
Charles Manson: Imprisoned mass murderer gets license to marry 26-year-old frequent visitor.
It seems like this mass murderer has found true love, but apparently he is still denied conjugal visits. This just raises so many questions.
Chandra Bahadur Dangi: World’s tallest man, Sultan Kosen, meets shortest man, Chandra Bahadur Dangi.
“Let’s take the tallest person and let him meet the shortest person, and we’ll take a funny picture.”
Dwayne Gratz: Police say Jacksonville Jaguars player drunkenly tried to pay grocery bill with gum.
Barry Callebaut: World’s largest confectionery producer warns of potential chocolate shortage by 2020.
As of July 2014, there are 1.35 billion active monthly Facebook users, so 1.35 billion people thought that these stories were the most fascinating in the past week and shared them with their friends. Congratulations, Facebook — this is a new level of dumb.