Midterm Fails

Midterm Fails

An elementary school teacher of mine once referred to tests as “celebrations of knowledge.” “It is your opportunity to show me how much you have learned,” he told me. However, in the midst of midterm season, it often feels like there is simply too much to learn and too little time. As much as you want to celebrate your knowledge in Lau, sometimes it’s just easier to celebrate your love for pink lemonade Burnett’s in a crowded Henle apartment.

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That said, you like to consider yourself a diligent student who takes learning seriously, so you wistfully turn your back on your friends and dejectedly reignite your unhealthy relationship with cheap coffee. Welcome to midterm season, a time when sleeping is the most exciting part of your day and drinking refers almost exclusively to caffeine. If you’re like us here at 4E, pushing through this trying time in an effort to pass all of your exams will almost inevitably lead you to fail at life. So if midterm season has you down, take a look at 4E’s top five midterm fails and join us in sullen solidarity.

1. The surprise midterm

OK, so maybe this only happens to me, but I’m going to pretend that it could happen to anybody. You started midterm season off right by planning out all of your studying time. You think you have it all figured out until late one Sunday night, when one of your friends from class makes an offhanded comment about reviewing for the next morning’s midterm. You freeze. “You mean Wednesday morning, right?” you utter, with a slight quiver in your voice. They respond with a confused look. “Uhh no, I mean tomorrow morning. The midterm is in like ten hours…” From there, you promptly scurry off to Lau, where you spend eight of the next ten hours studying. (The other two hours are spent using your textbook as a pillow in the far corner of Lau 5.) If this has also happened to you, please let me know, because I’d love to think that I’m not the only person spacey enough to forget about a midterm.

2. Planning your weekend 

When you start planning you midterm studying around the inebriated advice of a high school friend, you know you’re doing midterms wrong. As you sit in Lau one Saturday afternoon, internally debating whether or not to go out, you think of an old friend who once drunkenly declared, “You gotta be smart when you’re being dumb.” With these wise words tumbling through your over-caffeinated, under-slept mind, you decide that you can, in fact, go out. Just wake up early and study tomorrow morning, you tell yourself. For the next few hours you feel like you just made the greatest decision of all-time.

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Then, Sunday morning hits you like a tidal wave of head pain and light sensitivity and you realize that you’re not as smart as you once imagined.

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3. Becoming a little too comfortable with the late-night Corp baristas

A lot of the Corp baristas are great people, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily want them to recognize your name and order. This is especially true if you’ve ordered a large iced coffee with an extra shot at 11:30 p.m. for the last four nights in a row. If they start asking you about that midterm you were studying for last week, then you probably need to drink less coffee. Or at least hide your caffeine addiction by buying your coffee from different places.

4. And on that note…

Overheard in Lau: “So I was picking up my third PSL of the day and the barista was just like, ‘No, it’s OK. You can have this one for free. Anyone on their third cup by 12:30 deserves a break.’”

Need I say more?

5. Judgment eyes from the Vittles employee as you pick up your tenth box of ramen this week

You promise that you don’t usually eat this much ramen. “I’m only eating this because of midterms,” you emphatically tell the skeptical cashier. You swear that it’s just because of midterms … No one believes you, but at least you have an excuse.

If any of the above describe you during midterm season, then don’t worry — you’re not alone.

Photos: memegenerator.net, pinterest.com, quickmeme.com, wordpress.com

Kyle Murphy

Kyle Murphy

Kyle is a senior in the College who enjoys some things and dislikes other things.
Kyle Murphy

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