Manly Monday: Fantasy Football Punishments

manlymondaysRon Swanson once said, “The only thing I hate more than lying is skim milk, which is water lying about being milk.”

What does this have to do with 4E, you might ask? Starting this week, the “men” of 4E will be running Manly Monday posts, bringing you the whole milk of blog posts. With Ron Swanson, the epitome of manhood in mind, we bring you the first every Manly Monday. Enjoy.

(Disclaimer: These posts apply to everyone. Not just men.)

The NFL is back in full swing, which means it is fantasy football season for the less-athletically-gifted among us. Leagues amongst friends can get incredibly competitive as people vie for bragging rights, money or some form of reward from the rest of the league. In some leagues, though, the focus shifts from the winner to the loser. Instead of prizes, the commish doles out punishments. Without further ado, here are some of 4E’s favorite league punishments.

The Waiter This one can take on a lot of different forms. The gist is that the last place finisher has to serve the league-winner in some fashion. This can be serving dinner at Leo’s, grabbing snacks/beverages on game day or even doing the winner’s laundry. It’s up to you.

The Name Change This one is more for leagues that play every year, but put simply, the winner gets to choose the loser’s team name for the entire next season (for those less-avid fantasy football fans, team names are taken VERY seriously). Also, the winner could choose to change the loser’s Twitter handle for a certain period of time. Just another take on it.

The Apology The loser of the league must send a letter to the parents of each league member, apologizing for wasting their son/daughter’s time all season. It’s nice, though not necessary, if league dues can cover the mailing costs.

Public Humiliation There are a lot of options with this punishment as well. This could entail performing at an open-mic night, karaoke night, bursting out into song at Leo’s, really anything. While singing is usually entertaining, embarrassing costumes are always fun too.

The SAT Our final punishment is the punishment for the loser in a league I am in. As the name suggests, the league loser must relive the awful four-plus-hour experience that is the SAT. You can either send the loser to a local high school to take the real test, or proctor it yourselves. I would recommend setting a minimum score he/she must receive to prevent intentional failing.

And for those of your that aren’t getting your fantasy fix through your leagues and aforementioned punishments, now we have short-term fantasy sports sites like Fan Duel and Draft Kings. Check out this awesome analysis to see how the two compare.

Good luck and Godspeed to those of you playing fantasy football this season; hopefully none of you will be completing punishments come January.

Max Wheeler

Max Wheeler

Max is a graduate of the College, raised on the brutal streets of Barrington, RI. He is an avid fan of New England sports, NBC late-night comedy and long walks on the beach.
Max Wheeler

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