This year, the Winter Olympics will be held in Sochi, Russia, and will surely bring some inspiring moments. But as you watch the events over the next two weeks of international “harmony,” stop and think: What if the Winter Olympics happened right here in Georgetown? Forget “snowboarding” and “figure skating.” Open your mind to a few of the events from the Georgetown (aka the better) version of the Olympics:
1. Write a full paper at the tables of Lau 2 Points awarded based on speed and lack of plagiarism. Periodically, to distract the competitors, someone will walk by and ask if they can “watch my stuff for a minute.”
2. Climbing the stairs to Yates “Athletics!” Seriously, just getting to the front door of Yates Fieldhouse could pose a formidable challenge to even the fittest Hoya. A million bonus points for actually getting inside and using the machines. Who am I kidding — the real Olympians would be like:
3. Avoiding the onslaught of tour groups Duck, cover, squirm and wriggle your way through the masses of Blue and Gray madness. Bonus points if you convince a prospective student to come here while awkwardly avoiding the onslaught.
4. Navigating campus with unexpected obstacles The competitor is given two minutes to get from St. Mary’s to a lecture hall in Healy. The natural route is through Red Square and past Copley, but that’s blocked off. Time to go around the ICC. But wait: Where did all these people come from? And why are they spreading across all the walkways by Regents? This event is probably most similar to an actual Winter Olympics event. Think slalom skiing, but with people. Also, without skis.
For insight into actual events of the Sochi Olympics you should look out for, check out this article from Paranoia. Until then, the next time you finish your homework on time or trudge up the New South hill, pat yourself on the back. You might not be an Olympian, but you’re a Hoya, and you’re already a winner in our book.