Regardless of whether or not you aced Map of the Modern World, don’t bother searching for the Republic of Wadiya, the country which Aladeen rules, since this North African country doesn’t actually exist.

Following “Borat” (2006) and “Bruno” (2009), “The Dictator” seems to fall flat in attempt to succeed the critical acclaim earned by its predecessors. Cohen portrays Aladeen with all of the absurd qualities of a despotic tyrant. Having ruled Wadiya since the tender age of seven, Aladeen seems to live a life of constant relations with American celebrities (such as Megan Fox and Lindsay Lohan) and sentencing people to execution at a whim. After being forced to speak in front of the United Nations in New York City to prove that his country isn’t producing weapons of mass destruction — a blatant reference to the nuclear program in Iran — it becomes clear that one of Aladeen’s closest men is in a conspiracy to have the Dear Leader replaced with a lookalike in order to bring about an end to the dictatorship and bring about a democracy.

Although it comes at no shock that the plot is completely predictable, unlike the two former films, “The Dictator” is completely scripted — a quality that gives mockumentary-style films a certain height of excitement hardly attainable by totally scripted films. Along with the surprisingly unoriginal plot, Cohen pushes the envelope of shock humor too far with jokes that pertain to the terrorist attacks on 9/11, suicide and rape.

Cohen is known for shocking humor, from Bruno “putting a hit on Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex.)” to Borat singing the “Kazakhstani national anthem” to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner” during a rodeo. However, “The Dictator” tries too hard to be what it’s not, a clever comedy and in turn, aims for shocking humor that, in the end, just disappoints and disgusts. Regardless of the funny scenes portraying Brooklyn, NY as a hyper-liberal and absurdly vegan (read: hipster), Cohen doesn’t quite hit the mark. Rape is never funny.

Only a mere 83 minutes, “The Dictator” doesn’t have the opportunity to drag out too long. “The Dictator,” however, does share a particularly important quality with “Borat” and “Bruno:” Do not see this film with parents or anyone else who would be uncomfortable watching the birth of a child from the perspective of the uterus. “Are you having a boy or an abortion?” Aladeen asks his newfound American love Zoey (Anna Faris), it’s neither. “The Dictator,” a proves to be another mediocre film on par with “Scary Movie 2” (2001) and “Date Movie” (2006).

Friday Fixat10ns: Happy Summer from thehoya on 8tracks.

It seems like everyone is done with finals. We’re all packing up our stuff, moving out of our dorms/apartments/houses, and getting ready for whatever summer may hold for us. It’s a bittersweet moment, but it’s also a relief. We here at 4E are incredibly excited for the summer to start. Here are some songs to get you excited for summer 2012.

Summer Is the Champion — Laura Viers Yes, Laura, summer is the best. Except for the humidity. That isn’t the best.

Glad You Came — The Wanted This song may just become my 2012 summer anthem. I want to have a summer like the one the people are having in the music video.

City Lights — Sun City Another worthy candidate for my own personal summer anthem from this Australian band.

Finally Moving — Pretty Lights Play this song while sipping a (Long Island) iced tea and laying out in the sun and I bet you that you’ll “get a good feeling” too.

Midnight Life (Kanye West vs. M83) — The White Panda I decided to combine my favorite summer song of 2011 (M83′s Midnight City) with a song that always reminds me of summer (Kanye’s The Good Life). BONUS: M83 is playing at 9:30 Club tomorrow night.

Summer Love — Justin Timberlake If this song wasn’t on this playlist, it would be a travesty.

Never Ending Summer — 311 With three months until classes start again, I already feel like summer is never ending.

Long Hot Summer — Keith Urban I wish that my summers would end up more like the long hot summer described in this song. For now, I’ll live vicariously through Keith Urban.

Summer Girls — LFO Flashback to summer 2000. And who doesn’t like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch? Also, I love LFO’s frosted tips in the music video. Classic.

The Boys of Summer — Don Henley I saved the best for last. This song just never gets old.

The clock hands on Healy Tower were finally put back this morning, but apparently they’re not the ones that were stolen. So while Healy can tell time again, the original hands are still at large. Join us as we consider their possible location.

Vatican City According to tradition, once the hands are stolen they should be sent to the Vatican for a blessing from the Pope, then returned. Hopefully they’re shaking hands with Pope Benedict right about now. But while our alleged clock thieves Reaper, Juliet and Goliath claim that the hands were safely on their way to the Vatican it could just be a ruse to hide their true destination.

London, England To visit Big Ben at Westminster Palace and exchange all the hottest clock-related gossip. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that these famous clocks have been hiding a secret relationship for years. I mean, do we have any proof that they actually go to Italy? For all we know, they could be sharing a plate of fish and chips with Big Ben.

Mecca, Saudi Arabia But if we’re talking impressive clocks, there’s a chance that Healy’s hands are paying a visit to the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower, which is home to the tallest clock tower in the world with the largest clock face, 46 meters in diameter. That’s a whole lot of clock.

New Jersey 90% of Georgetown is from here anyway, maybe the hands just skipped out on finals and headed home, leaving the clock tower to deal with its 19th Century Gothic Architecture final alone.

We received this submission from an anonymous senior (whoever you are, we love you), and thought it was too good to pass up. So as finals season starts to wrap up, take a look at this game and decide whether you want to gamble your liver on it. May the odds be ever in your favor, Class of 2012.

Georgetown Forever: The Drinking Game for soon-to-be Georgetown Graduates

Our time on the Hilltop is drawing to a close and like many of my fellow seniors, I’m reflecting on my time at Georgetown, which has included many celebrations from Homecoming to Georgetown Day. While I will be moving into adulthood and plan on taking the spirit of Georgetown with me, I won’t be able to dedicate my Tuesday… and Wednesday… and Thursday nights to shameless behavior at the Tombs. With a bit of creativity, I’ve decided that graduation calls for a moment to toast to our time at Georgetown. Hoya Saxa and Georgetown Forever!

This game is called “Georgetown Forever” and it is not for the weak of heart or those with a low alcohol tolerance. The rules of the game are simple and it starts from the end of your last final and continues until you walk across the stage to shake John Degioia’s hand and show your parents what they got for a $220,000 investment.

Basic rules:
1. Start the game on the day of your last final and end the game when you graduate. DON’T drink everything one the same day… this is 120+ shots Hoyas, so pace yourself!
2. Count every credit that you have taken, including summer school. Transfers must count the other credits they took at another college.
3. Get an official copy of your transcript if you can (it’s the least that Georgetown can do for all that tuition money) and make a shopping list. Its study day so study up on what you will need.
4. The higher rules outrank the lower ones, for example if the credit was in your major that would outrank a credit for in the school it was taught.
5. Each credit only gets one shot. If a credit was in your major and in the College, don’t double count the shots! We’re not looking to give GERMS more practice during Senior Week then they had all four years of your life in college… you do want to walk and get that diploma, right?
6. If you do the shots in the order of the classes which you took, then you get bonus points. If you took “Problem of God” freshman year and your thesis class senior year, then drink in that order.

Click through for the Hierarchy of Shots.

1. For every one credit of your favorite class, do a shot of your favorite booze (You can only have one class be your favorite)

2. For every credit of your senior thesis, do a shot of something 100 proof (You missed a lot of nights at the Tombs writing that thesis, so it’s time to catch up to your classmates)

3. For every credit you took as an independent study, do a “bomb shot,” such as a Jagerbomb or sakebomb (You really didn’t do much work in those classes and chugging a shot is just as easy)

4. For every credit of theology you took, have a glass of Andre (“Problem of God” made you ponder the meaning of life and Andre has the same effect)

5. For every class in your major, drink a mixed drink with the appropriate number of shots per credit (These drinks should be enjoyable, just like you enjoyed these classes)

6. For every class in your minor, drink a mixed drink with the appropriate number of shots per credit, but only half of the mixers (It started off as your major but it ended up being rather painful halfway through)

7. For every credit in a certificate, do a shot of Bailey’s Irish Cream (Bailey’s is what you put in your coffee to make it better and a certificate did the same for your resume)

8. For every credit of General Education you took, do a shot of schnapps (schnapps adds flavor to your drink in the same way that the General Education program adds diversity to your education)

9. For every credit that you took in the Faculty of Languages and Linguistics, take a shot of liquor or drink a mixed drink that is associated with that country/language (Anyone who took Hebrew gets off easy with a glass of Manischewitz wine)

10. For every credit that you took in the College, do a shot of gin (Gin is the drink of the old boy’s club and what’s more of an old boy’s club than the school that was last to admit women?)

11. For every credit that you took in the MSB, do a shot of whiskey (One day you’ll be drinking glasses of whiskey worth more than the cars of the kids in the College)

12. For every credit that you took in SFS, do a shot of cheap vodka (It looks like it’s foreign, it speaks a language like it’s foreign, but it isn’t actually foreign)

13. For every credit that you took in the NHS, do a shot of Everclear (You’re learning how to keep the general public healthy and Everclear sterilizes everything, so it just makes sense)

14. For every credit that you brought in from an AP test, shotgun a beer ( Let’s be honest you will spend more time shotgunning that beer than you did studying for the test back in high school)

15. For every credit that you brought in from a IB test, take a shot of something foreign (Mexican tequila, Russian vodka or Irish whiskey are all acceptable)

16. For every time you got “GERMED,” you must add five shots Burnett’s to your total (This is your punishment for not learning how to hold your liquor during college)

Hoya Saxa and Congratulations Georgetown Class of 2012!
Note: Thank you to “King of the Quad” at AU for the inspiration

File photo: Michelle Cassidy/The Hoya (R.I.P. Saloun)

Throw on a pair of sweatpants, grab your 30-pound backpack, head to Lau, pull out a computer, slap in a pair of headphones, and (maybe) start studying — it’s a familiar routine during finals season.

And if you’re like me, you’re not only looking for your music to help you study, but also to distract you from those obnoxious whispering girls next to you, lift your spirits when the work gets too cumbersome, and provide a break from the monotony of Lau and study days.

So, here’s a list of music to help provide some extra motivation for you to finish that paper, memorize that vocabulary, or finish that last problem.

Best study hits:

Perth – Bon Iver Lead singer Justin Vernon’s voice is mesmerizingly beautiful. To be mesmerized further, here is the video from the Deluxe cover of the album.

Hell of a Season – The Black Keys With all of the nice spring weather out there, tt’s a hell of a season to try to stay focused. This song, released just this past week, should help.

The Mall and Misery – Broken Bells I wrote an entire paper to this song. It singlehandedly made me productive.

Citizen – Wye Oak Soothing voice, calming instrumentals, and great drumming. All you need to study.

Glowing Heart of the World – Calexico I find that any song that reminds me of driving alone down a desert road is suitable for studying.

Traveling at the Speed of Light – Joywave The band’s name describes this song: It’s a joyful wave.

Slowdance – Matthew Dear The more you listen to “Slowdance,” the more relaxed you become. Great for lowering your blood pressure.

The Birds Part 1 – The Weeknd Such a cool song. It’s genius.

Rill Rill – Sleigh Bells This song makes me want to study drunk. It is so chill.

Adieu – Coeur de pirate It’s easier to study when you don’t know the words to the song. Unless you’re from Quebec, you will probably not understand the song.

We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monáe) – Fun. Anything that Janelle Monáe does is infinitely better than what the Glee cast can do. I also recommend the acoustic version.

Most distracting study songs:

Love On Top – Beyoncé Listening to this song will make you want to learn its dance. Stay away from it unless you’re planning on watching the music video and learning the dance from it for hours on end.

Levels — Avicii Anything that reminds you of house parties should not be listened to in Lau. Also, avoid any of the hundreds of mash-ups using this song.

Call Me Maybe — Carly Rae Jepsen I am the first person to start dancing when this song comes on. But this hit from the third place finisher on the fifth season of Canadian Idol is not productive study music. Neither are any of the mashups on this playlist.

Any song from “Glee”: I once made the mistake of dancing in Lau. Not a good idea.

Let’s face it, most of us are currently riding the struggle bus. Finals can be rough, and whether you have 3 exams on the same day or 170 pages of papers to write, we believe that you can make it through somehow. But to make the process a little easier, here are some tips to help you survive the next week and a half before glorious summer.

Self Control Whether it’s your own self control or the app (personally I recommend the app, it’s much more reliable), find a way to focus on your work. Get off Facebook, quit scrolling through old whatshouldwecallme posts, stop making memes of your friends.

Give It a Rest Make sure you’re not sacrificing too much sleep. I’m not going to tell you to get your 8 hours a night or avoid cramming because that’s not realistic, but think twice about pulling an all-nighter and going straight into an exam. You know how loopy you get around 4 a.m.? That’s probably not the best state to be taking a test that’s worth 25% of your grade in. Try to sneak in a few hours to refresh your mind. Sleepyti.me is a helpful tool that will calculate the best times to plan to wake up so you’re not groggy when you get up.

Find Your Groove Even the quietest of quiet spaces is going to have some background noise. Whether you need to tune out the loud conversations of Lau 2 or just drown out that guy who brought a selection of crunchy snacks into the quiet room, have some music on tap that will help you focus. Classical music is great (personally I’m a fan of the Lord of the Rings soundtrack), but if that’s not your thing go for something that won’t make you want to dance or sing along. See our Finals Fixat10ns from last semester for a start.

Eat Smart, Be Smart Don’t use finals as an excuse to load up on crap more than you usually would. Try to eat balanced meals (at normal times if you can), it’ll keep you going. This advice comes from someone who ate way too many chicken fingers on Chicken Finger Thursday yesterday and wound up in a food coma on a couch in Midnight Mug – just trust me.

If you can dream it, you can do it! Set goals, and reward yourself once you achieve them. They can be small – a trip to Midnight Mug after you finish two pages of your paper – or big – a blowout with your friends once you’re totally done with exams – whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you have something to look forward to, a light at the end of the tunnel.

Embrace the Loopiness When you’re spending most of your time trying to memorize the capitals of Eastern European countries or the bones in your left foot, sometimes you get a little crazy. Don’t try to fight it, just find some way to let it out. It’ll be easier to focus once you get it out of your system. For example, I’m currently writing this from under a table (chairs got too hard). And don’t worry about being judged, most people will probably be able to identify.

Perspective is Everything While finals are important, remember that they don’t totally define your life. Doing well is great, but doing okay is fine too. Your sanity is more important than a 4.0. Take a minute to step back and appreciate that there’s life outside of finals (and you’ll be there soon!).

Image: undeclaredcomics.com 

If you’re in the market for some clock hands (here’s looking at you, Healy Clock Tower), they’re now available for barter over on College Craig. In a listing that went up earlier this afternoon, we found another clue in the Mystery of the Missing Clock Hands. The culprits, going by the aliases of Reaper, Goliath and Juliet posted this poem:

Our friend runs but cannot walk, at times sings but never talks, 
He looks down on us all from a tower so tall.
And as graduation comes closer you’ll all want to recall
that time when you did the most daring act of all.

We’ll give you a “hand” if you’re willing to trade
for a campus celebrity who has recently made
quite the build up for just a little pup.

We have your key to make Hoya history
And since we’re not much for publicity 
we’ll give it back in double, but don’t want any more trouble.

The semester is getting late so stand down
bring us the dog and wait wait wait”

Hoya Saxa!
Reaper, Goliath, and Juliet

So Georgetown, looks like we’re faced with a pressing question – is the trade of Jack Junior for the Healy clock hands a fair one?

Photos: Flickr and Georgetown University

For the first time in years (since 2005 to be exact), the hands have been stolen from Healy Tower. For those not familiar with the tradition, Wikipedia has a helpful summary:

Historically, students would steal the hands and mail them to the Vatican, where they are supposed to be simply stamped ‘return to sender’ and returned to the university. One such incident caused significant damage to the clock mechanism, however, and security has been increased as a result in recent years, decreasing the incidence of the theft. These measures have not prevented students from successfully obtaining the hands however, as they are captured every five to six years.

But the big question remains – who’s responsible for today’s shenanigans? While DPS investigates the situation, we’ve rounded up the usual suspects to see who might have the best motivation to scale the tower.

WGTB They were  the first to report that the clock hands had been stolen, beating both The Hoya the the Voice to the punch. In an effort to earn the recognition they deserve as a campus media outlet, perhaps some rogue WGTB members nabbed the hands and went straight to Twitter.

The Voice Or maybe it was another campus media group – our friendly rivals over at Vox Populi are acting like they don’t know the thieves’ identities, but that could all be a ruse.  Hey Vox, we’ve got our investigative journalism pants on too (they’re a little snug).

DPS Breaking up dorm parties and enforcing GOCard checks in Lau doesn’t make for the most exciting life. They hold the keys to all the buildings on campus, and nobody would question them heading into Healy at odd hours of the night. Who’s to say that DPS didn’t do this themselves to liven up finals season?

The Corp Not ones to shy away from big marketing ploys (I heard something about free slushies? for life??), the Corp could be behind this. We’re just waiting to see what goes up in place of the regular hands – Corp storage boxes? T-Shirts? Slushie machine?

The Tombs Not content to decorate their walls with rowing paraphernalia alone, a few brave Tombs waiters pulled themselves up by their bow ties to grab the hands off of Healy Tower.

Class of 2012 Our most likely culprits. If it’s true, they’re going out in a blaze of glory before graduation that we can only aspire to match. Come forward, brave souls! We would love to shake your hands (and add your names to the Wikipedia page for Healy Hall).

Photo: Michelle Cassidy/The Hoya

It’s the last weekend before most of us will be living in Lau studying for finals so we have to go out with a bang, and there is plenty to do this weekend to make sure that happens. See what you can do before study days set in and your biggest adventure is finding a free cubicle.

Friday:
It’s Georgetown Day so obviously no one will be leaving campus! Take full advantage of all of the hard work that the Georgetown Day Committee has put into planning a great day for everyone! Make sure to stop by Red Square and Healy Lawn at 12:00 p.m. for tons of free food and participate in lawn games on Copley Lawn. Have a fun (and safe!) day!

Saturday:
If you are up for it after Georgetown Day, be apart of the D.C. Challenge: The Ultimate Urban Scavenger Race this Saturday at 1:30 p.m. After you have completed the challenge, enjoy a huge festival at the finish line with food and drinks, live music, and outdoor games. If you need any more incentive, you could win $500 for first place.

Sunday:
Go see local favorites Ted Leo and the Pharmacists this Sunday at the Black Cat, located at 1811 14th St NW. Doors open at 8:00 p.m. and tickets only cost $15! This concert will be a celebration of the tenth anniversary of the release of the band’s album The Tyranny of Distance, and it is sure to be a great time!

Photo: Flickr user ACL Festival

The traditional celebration of the last Friday of classes will undoubtedly be a little different this year. But don’t let a few metal barricades security checkpoints get you down – after all, we still have a dunk tank! Here are a few ways to make sure your Georgetown Day is a great one, bag checks be damned.

Explore Sure, in past years the day has been centered around Healy and Copley lawns. Just because there are fences on Copley doesn’t mean there’s no fun, Copley will host tons of activities and performances, so don’t avoid it. And yeah, there’s only water to drink, but staying hydrated is important when you’re day drinking. But you don’t have to be on the lawn all day; the Esplanade is now an alternative, and there are plenty of other spots around campus to hang out.

Pace yourself It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Most people start early, and if you don’t want your night to end before the sun goes down, you should reconsider that 8 a.m. power hour.

Bring a snack Yo, snacks are great. Before you venture outside, stick a couple granola bars or an apple in your fanny pack (also, acquire a fanny pack). You’re going to high five yourself for your foresight in a few hours when everyone else is waiting in a super long line for hamburgers.

Be kind to DPS They’re not out to get you, and as long as you’re not actively trying to break laws they’re generally pretty cool. Maybe offer them some of your snacks?

Two words: disposable camera A critical element of your Georgetown Day memories. Disposable cameras are cheap, drunkproof and what hipsters use instead of Instagram. Just stick a note with your name and number on it for when you inevitably leave the camera on Healy Lawn – once you get the pictures developed you’ll get to relive the day all over again.

Nap and rally We really did learn everything we need to know in Kindergarten (see: snacks). A late afternoon siesta is critical to your ability to continue the party when the sun sets.

Don’t forget your jorts Georgetown Day happens to fall on another local holiday, known as Jortstown Day. Tomorrow will be sunny and in the 60s, so it might be a little chilly for jorts, but I know you can find the strength.

Stay classy, Georgetown A lot of the reasoning behind the changes to to the festivities has stemmed from decidedly un-classy behavior on past Georgetown Days. In the hopes that someday this celebration can be restored to its former glory, make sure you’re partying smart. Nobody wants to be that kid getting GERMSed in a 10 a.m. recitation.

Photo: Georgetown University
Anne Kenslea (COL ’13) contributed to this post.