Things to Do Once You Crash on Homecoming

I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.

You can find me at any one of these locations.

If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky – we have something to look forward to!!!

HOMECOMING

Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little ~too~ familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.

But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.

When you see your friend at a party and go in for a hug but you both just fall down.

“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.

*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.

NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!

Food

When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:

Domino’s: (202) 342-0100

Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424

Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478

Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.

God, Jan, no one else wants donuts. You’re the only one who wants donuts.

Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.

Film & Television

Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:

Troy

Also known as three hours of shirtless men (Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom… need I say more?) prancing around in togas, doing battle/sword stuff. The highest of entertainment.

Bend it Like Beckham

Do you ever just crave a feel-good movie with inspiring messages about female empowerment, family traditions, and love? This movie is soooooo underrated.

Harry Potter

Homecoming in a nutshell.

Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too), and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.

Zoey 101 (or any Nickelodeon/Disney Channel throwbacks)

Me if anyone so much as mentions the words “Tito’s and lemonade”…

These are crowd-pleasers. Need I say more?

Miscellaneous Nonsense

If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:

Hit the books.

I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.

Just lie down.

Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.

Thank you for sticking with me through this list of *highly curated* content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

Blue and Gray, Please Be Honest

Nothing says spring on the Hilltop like being boxed into a corner by a tour group on your way to class.

In my experience, while college tours seem informative as a naive senior in high school, seeing them as an actual college student has given me a greater appreciation for the level of BS that every school is able to make up. In honor of this year’s GAAP weekends and possible future Hoyas, here’s a more honest look at Georgetown’s campus.

Get excited

First, there’s Dahlgren Quad, home of one of our beautiful chapels. Georgetown is a Jesuit university–but don’t worry, we tokenize every other religion to make up for it. Look up and you’ll see a clock with some handles. This is the last time you’ll ever hear about it. This is a step where a lot of Presidents have stood. Sorry, did I hear someone say Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill. Clinton.

Have you heard of him? His name is Bill Clinton, and he went to Georgetown. Bill Clinton.

If you’ll follow me, up next is the Village A rooftop, overlooking the scenic Rosslyn skyline. You won’t have a chance of getting an apartment here until you’re a junior, but you might as well live here the first month of your freshman year. I will clearly avoid mentioning the plethora of beer cans scattered on the ground, but we all see them.

So, we’re going to be entering the Healy Family Student Center, or as students call it, HFSC. This building was designed with a lot of student input. One thing we heard was that students needed a place to plug in all their devices, so it’s full of outlets that don’t work. We also incorporated new studies that showed that green space and natural light help students study, so this ivy is real. I know because one time I saw a rat jump out of it.

A similar situation may also be found on a Vil A rooftop

Now we’ll be passing Hilltoss, one of our Corp locations. The Corp is the largest student-run non-profit in the world, making $5 million each year (assuming they’re not bankrupt). Everyone from the CEO to the barista handing you your coffee is a student employee and will tell you about it every time you happen to even breathe their way.

Next we have our dining hall, Leo O’Donovan Hall. If you’d like to grab a few croissants after the tour from the lovely-but-somehow-consistently-dysfunctional Whisk, it will probably cost you upwards of tuition. Leo’s is also great because as a child I loved the movie Ratatouille, and Georgetown has allowed me to experience the live action version.

This is Red Square, where we have our farmers’ market every Wednesday when it’s warm out. It’s the only time you’ll feel joy on this campus.

An avocado, thankss!

Finally, as we enter Leavey we’ll be passing by the offices of GUASFCU, the most needless acronym ever created. The likelihood of both getting into Georgetown and GUAFSCU is less than getting struck by lightning while simultaneously winning the lottery. However, you have worse chances of getting into a club that just goes out to eat. If you love the Common App process, you’ll love Georgetown clubs.

That concludes our honest tour of Georgetown’s campus. Blue and Gray, feel free to incorporate any of this student-sourced information into a new and improved (more accurate) tour format for prospective Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, goldstar.com

What Clubs Famous People Would Be In At Georgetown

As one of the top 20 schools in the U.S. (and home to the hottest college men, according to Tinder), Georgetown is generally accepted as a place for the ~elite~.

We’re not an Ivy but… yeah, pretty much.

While a fair number of VIPs have walked these hallowed halls (I sometimes daydream about running into Bradley Cooper in the dish return at Leo’s), with a 16% acceptance rate, it’s hard to “catch ‘em all.”

I still cringe…

Once you’ve figured out what famous Hoya you are, come take a break from procrastinating for finals reality with me and imagine what clubs your favorite celebs would be in if they had sported the good ol’ blue and gray.

*wipes away tear*

The Kardashians – Thirty-Seventh

We all know that these gals enjoy the finer things in life. I can’t attest to their academic aspirations, but I have a good feeling that if Kardashoyans existed, they would be major contributors to Georgetown’s premier lifestyle and fashion blog. #Yeezys #For #All

If you stop reading 4E, Kim will be mad. 

Emma Watson – Blue and Gray

This is the friend that you want to hate but can’t because they’re just too nice. Smart, beautiful, vaguely international—they make Georgetown look damn good. You may resent this pal’s borderline *magical* talents, but you have to admit that this kid is going places.

A typical Georgetown know-it-all.

Mark Ruffalo – The Corp

To all my Ruffalovers out there, this one’s for you. This Bernie Bro can sport a knit fleece like no other, and will engage you in a long-winded discussion on conspiracy theories if you so much as whisper the words “inside job.” Can’t you imagine the man behind The Hulk, once dubbed a “sentient farmer’s market,” serving you your double shot of espresso at Midnight MUG with a crinkly, good-natured smile? We know we can.

That woven bracelet tho :-O

Ivanka Trump – GUASFCU

The First Daughter was a student in the MSB for two years before transferring to Penn (*cough* complicit). Her penchant for fancy shoes and ambiguous business buzz-words would make her a prime candidate for Georgetown’s most prestigious financial association.

If you don’t sleep in a suit, are you really an MSBro?

Zac Efron – GUGS

The High School Musical and Neighbors star is truly a man of the people. For this reason, he’d be a member of one of Georgetown’s most accepting clubs, flipping delicious meat spheres burgers for the masses on Friday afternoons. *sings We’re All In This Together with added enthusiasm*

 
If only Georgetown had real frats…
 
 
Stay warm, people. If Bradley Cooper made it through finals, so can we.
 
 
Photos/GIFS: youtube.com, giphy.com, fastccompany.net
 
 
 

Welcoming 4E’s Fall Hires!

Every semester, 4E is blessed with a brand new bunch of bloggers! From reading their applications, to laughing at with them during interviews, we had a blast getting to know these students. Learn more about our shining six new bloggers:


Jessica Lin (COL ’21)

Top 5 Best Shows for the Pre-Teen Soul

  1. SpongeBob SquarePants. Objectively everyone’s cartoon of choice. Though some of us may have aged into Squidwards, we’ll always have a soft spot for the shrill yet endearing voice of Bikini Bottom’s most legendary resident. The show is currently on its 11th season. Are ye ready kids?
  2. Drake & Josh. Teen comedy at its finest. We cackled over Josh’s wildly emphatic gestures, harbored a low-key (or even high-key) crush on Drake, and held a begrudging respect for Megan’s hilariously vindictive antics. If ever watching reruns, let’s all hope for the laugh tracks to drown out our reaction to Drake not receiving an invitation to his brutha’s wedding.
  3. Zoey 101. Let’s admit it: we were all a little bitter when our high schools turned out to be nothing like PCA. Maybe it’s not too late to cruise past Healy in a Jet X scooter, though.
  4. Avatar: The Last Airbender. Our OG guilty pleasure. We might have started it just for kicks, but Zuko won us over with his transition to the “good guys” side. Suck it, Fire Nation.
  5. Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide. Ned, Cookie, Moze: name a more iconic trio. But this time, we probably weren’t too disappointed that our school experience was (hopefully) nothing like Ned’s.

Sam Shapiro (SFS ’21)

Top 5 Presidents I’d Like to Party With

  1. Ike Eisenhower. He’s seen some things. I would definitely be down to hear some wild war stories. Also, he was a cheerleader at West Point. Actually, that’s kinda sus.
  2. Warren G. Harding. Despite being one of the worst presidents of all time, Warren G. must have been the life of the party. He gambled away multiple sets of White House china. He was infertile though, also kinda sus.
  3. Ronald Reagan. I’m talking Hollywood Ronny, SAG President Ronny, vintage Eureka College Ronny. Definitely not War on Drugs Ronald. Definitely not.
  4. John F. Kennedy. He’s so handsome. Like so handsome. Partying with JFK means partying with Jacky O and partying with Marilyn Monroe: two things I’m surely here for. 
  5. Donald Trump. lmao jk. Bill Clinton. This may be the biggest no-brainer of all time. Have we ever had a president so charming. Fuck, have we ever had an American so charming? At some point during the night he’s gonna whip out the saxophone. Then, it’s really going down.

Zayna Nassoura (COL ’20)

Top 5 Pillars of My Life

  1. Long Beach Island. I have been going to LBI for as long as I can remember. It’s part of the Jersey Shore but nothing at all like the tv show. It’s a quaint little island with lots of small shops and art. My time there includes biking, picking up my morning coffee and, of course, Wawa.
  2. O’Bagel. If you’ve never had a New Jersey bagel, you have to! I recommend going to O’Bagel (but other N.J. bagel shops will work). I personally suggest getting a bacon, egg, and cheese on a plain bagel on a Sunday morning.
  3. Khalid. Khalid is my favorite artist of all time. Yes, I know that’s a bold statement considering I didn’t even know who he was a year ago. But I’m telling you, he has changed my life. I have listened to his album “American Teen” nonstop since he came out with it.
  4. New York City. I could spend a whole day in the Met looking at art or in Chelsea gallery hopping. Other days I love going to SoHo and shopping with friends. During the holidays, Broadway and Rockefeller are my go-to stops.
  5. “My People.” This includes my friends and family. For me, weekends at home wouldn’t be the same without my parents blasting music through the speakers, my brother making a new recipe or my other brothers playing on their computer together. I can’t imagine not having sushi and movie nights with my friends or brunch on weekend mornings.

Joanie Castiello (COL ’20)

Top 5 Spreads of All Time (In Order from Greatest to Least Great)

  1. (Crunchy) Peanut Butter
  2. (Perfect Pita Roasted Red Pepper) Hummus
  3. Guacamole
  4. Queso
  5. Nutella

Isabel Roemer (NHS ’21)

Top 5 Things About Being a Freshman at Georgetown

  1. NSO. There’s nothing better than bearing witness to uncomfortable flirtations between awkward and sexually confused 18 year olds. From Convocation to Pluralism in Action, your orientation group has your back—until you promptly begin avoiding eye contact the day after NSO ends. But fear not, the awkwardness pays off with the infamous NSO pregame a couple of weeks later. There are things to look forward to!!!
  2. Club Lau. What better way to introduce yourself to those ~intimidating~ upperclassmen than by getting your groove on at a communal library jam sesh?? No jokes here, I literally danced so hard that water was dripping out of my ponytail by the end of the night. What a unique intro course on how to keep off the freshman fifteen!
  3. #Cawledge #Lyfe. Two days into the semester. I am strutting around campus like the independent college woman that I am. What’s that? Only one class on Mondays AND Wednesdays? Whatever shall I do with my time?? What’s that? Eating Cheez-Its out of a mug and watching celebrity closet tours is not socially acceptable? I guess I’ll just find some club applications to keep myself busy!
  4. Ballin’ on a budget. Only college students can be simultaneously cheap as hell and totally irresponsible with their finances. No, I am not willing to do laundry in the two weeks before it’s free, and again, no, there’s no way I can pass up getting $12 Korean barbecue at the farmer’s market. There’s no compromising here.
  5. New South pregames. Infamous. Unprecedented. So many adjectives I could use to describe these glorious soirées held by the most impressive, confident, sink-owning members of the freshman class. But watch out–if you party too hardy the RA might get wind of your rager and, in a fit of jealousy, snap pictures of you and your best buddies’ GOCards. Will you or won’t you get community service? A question you can agonize over with Shakespearean angst for the rest of the semester.

Elizabeth Park (COL ’21)

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures

  1. Pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist while singing: More like yelling/screaming at the top of your lungs to the Spice Girl’s hit song, “Wannabe” — of course acting like the guitarist, drummer and lead singer is highly encouraged.
  2. Planning on making cookies and then just eating the raw cookie dough: Don’t worry, I make the batter without eggs; salmonella doesn’t exactly seem like the most pleasant thing.
  3. Binge-watching all the “High School Musical” movies: (C’mon, I know guys like those too. I’ve seen them secretly jamming out to the soundtrack before.)
  4. Watching Dr. Pimple Popper videos: Okay, I know that these are disgusting. I keep asking myself, “Why do you click on it when you know you’re going to end up cringing from disgust?” But even so, I somehow always end up watching another one.
  5. Eating a Hot Pocket at 2:30 in the morning: Really, eating any sort of microwaveable food that requires the least amount of brain cells to make is great at 2:30 a.m.

We can’t wait to see what our new bloggers will bring this semester and beyond!

Photos: facebook.com, thehoya.com

An Open Letter to the New Uncommon Grounds

Dear New Uncommon Grounds (which, as you may have heard, has been ~officially~ dubbed “NUG”),

Congratulations on your recent move from the cozy bubble within the well-trafficked Sellinger Lounge to the prime real estate spot in an obscure corner of the bookstore. Thank you for making it less tempting for us to spend precious flex dollars out of our late-night-quesadilla budget on strangely-named caffeinated beverages. Thank you for recognizing that among the exorcist steps, the Regents stairs, the VCW steps, the stairs to Yates, the White-Gravenor stairs and the Walsh staircase, Georgetown is truly deprived of opportunities for excessive stair-climbing. Thank you for moving to a location that allows us to ~seek the magis~ up an additional two flights. We have to thank you, New Uncommon Grounds. Without your grand reopening, we would not have the pleasure of experiencing the following awkward moments thus far, in your short tenure of just a few days:

1 . Going to NUG at 9pm on a Wednesday, and finding it completely empty with the exception of the baristas. We thought you were closed and retreated down the stairs, but you shouted after us, “we’re open!”, and so we had to awkwardly walk back inside.

Actual footage of a NUG employee trying to make us walk back up the stairs, 2017, colorized. 

2. A woman asked our blogger Caroline if her name was “Eleanor Rigby” upon her receiving the caramel hazelnut latte by the same name. This drink is now cancelled.

3. With the loss of the beloved UG couches, we experienced the strange and utter horror of not having anywhere to sit. And when we finally did find a spot, it turned out it was already someone else’s spinny chair. Sad!

But despite the loss of our dear old friend, we’ve come up with a list of suggestions to make the NUG experience the best it can be for all students:

1. Build retail therapy into your customer experience. As a Georgetown student, you can sleep when you’re dead (and therefore must caffeinate whilst living). Additionally, you must not let anyone forget that you are walking the same hallowed grounds that Bradley Cooper, John Mullaney, Patrick Ewing and Bill Clinton once roamed. Therefore, you’re going to need some gear: Why not sell some in the store? While they’re at it, your customer may even buy some for his or her third cousin twice-removed, and the entirety of his or her high school graduating class.

You if you don’t buy a new Georgetown sweatshirt every time you go to NUG.

2. Sell the stairs as “aggressive stair workout.”

Training Plan: Begin on M street and walk up the exorcist steps, then take a left on N Street to walk up the Lau steps. Walk down past the HFSC, up past Cooper field, and then up the Regents stairs. Lastly – take your pick between the ~official NUG stairs~ (currently incorrectly labeled as the “UG stairs”) or the bookstore escalator. To balance out your customers counting calories, have them subtract those it took to get upstairs! Pro-tip: make sure that every article of clothing on your body was purchased at  lululemon because otherwise it doesn’t count as exercise at Georgetown.

3. Tell your customers they have the perfect excuse to borrow their parents’ private helicopter. We are all well aware that our enormous campus already warranted travel by Vespas, but now it’s time to inform your parents that you will be needing to borrow ~one~ of their helicopters to fly you from your dorm to the Leavey Esplanade to pick up your NUG Love latte. Your customers have been waiting all this time for the right excuse.

4. Relive the good old days. If your customers are still missing the old Kanye UG, tell them to purchase some blackout shades to recreate that familiar sense of total darkness. This way, their fellow NUG customers will still be completely unrecognizable from a short distance and they can still feel like they’re writing a paper in the middle of the night ALL THE TIME. As we all know, the “This is due at 8 a.m. and I haven’t started” paper-writing aesthetic is even more popular among the Georgetown community than ~cura personals~, and it would be a shame to let some “sunlight” ruin it.

This can still be you at NUG!

New Uncommon Grounds: Much like freshmen year roommates and mandatory group projects, you are unfamiliar and slightly awkward. But we’re willing to try and make this thing work if you are.

With (NUG) Love,

Sarah and Caroline

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

4E’s Guide To Maintenance Requests

The beginning of the school year means a lot of things: new faces on campus, new classes, expensive textbooks, and huge spiders crawling through a crack in your Henle’s windows.

Thanks to Georgetown Facilities for a tradition unlike any other — the semester-long battle for attention and repairs.

But don’t worry! Keep reading for 4E’s helpful 12-step program that’ll bring ‘ol Ron from maintenance right to your door:

1. Make a normal complaint on the Georgetown maintenance website.

2. After the expected lack of response, call (202) 687-3432. Is it maintenance’s phone number? No. They don’t have one listed. But I’m betting that custodial will redirect you to someone in our favorite elusive department.

3. Still nothing? Time to pull out every Georgetown student’s secret weapon: entitlement! Get your parents to start calling — and if they don’t threaten to halt their annual donation, they’re not trying hard enough.

4. Stop by the maintenance department and just cry. Don’t say anything; just bawl for at least 15 minutes. But don’t forget to stop for a quick sec around the 7-minute mark to clearly state your name and room number.

5. Go to Safeway (or Whole Foods – refer to step 3) and purchase flour, corn syrup, and a basic pack of food coloring. Mix 2 drops of red food coloring, 1 drop of blue and 1 drop of green together. Add a teaspoon of flour and 1 tablespoon of corn syrup.

6. Break shower head.

7. Apply mixture made in Step 5 to hair.

8. Document head “wound”.

9. Double down on your previous efforts, sending news of both the broken shower head and the resulting injury.

10. Wait for the knock on your door

12.  After maintenance fixes the shower head, demand a walk-through of the apartment, and detail every single flaw. Ask for cell phone numbers. Make follow-up appointments.

Hit up that maintenance worker’s cell anytime you have a problem!

So, really? It’s just networking.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

What We Miss About The Old Leo’s

I’m sorry, the old Leo’s can’t come to the phone right now. Why?

So you miss the old Leo’s? Us too.  After all of the complaining and whining about the old Leo’s, here we are doing the same exact thing once again.  Who would have thought? Here are just a few of the things we here at 4E miss most about the old Leo’s.

The Panini Press

While the panini press is technically still in operation, it is nowhere near the same. If you are lucky enough to catch the panini press during the short period of the day it is available for use, you are no longer greeted with the slightly aggressive but always familiar “excuse me” of our dearly beloved Leo’s worker, Kim Kim. We need Kim Kim’s expert hands and devotion to the press back on the job.

Me when it’s only two o’clock but the panini press is closed

People Watching

For some reason unbeknownst to me, someone thought it was a great idea to place large structures right in the middle of the dining hall. Long gone are the days of spotting friends, enemies, former loves, etc. from across the room. How am I supposed to know who to say hi to and who to avoid eye contact with?

Satisfying Portions

Remember when Leo’s would literally serve each person half of an entire chicken? Well, good luck getting a single chicken leg in the new Leo’s. With nearly no self serve options anymore, Hoyas across campus are starving due to the smaller portions and unwieldy lines of the new Leo’s. I think this is some sort of fat-shaming.

Variety

Not talking about the food here. Leo’s needs to bring  back the second stair case. How am I supposed to mix up my life now that I have no option to take the right sided stair case instead of the left sided one?

Freedom

The swiping system in the new Leo’s has got to go. If you want to get your food upstairs, but your friends are sitting downstairs, you need to sacrifice an unnecessary swipe simply to sit with them. I miss the days when all swipes were equal.

That’s it for now, folks. Hopefully the new Hoya Hospitality team heeds this advice and makes the necessary changes to our beloved dining hall.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide: How To Not Seem Like A Freshman

So you’re a freshman, huh? Big fish in a little pond? Think again, young Hoya.

A visual representation of you as a freshman

Being a freshman at Georgetown isn’t always the easiest. On a campus where your worth is sometimes measured by GPA and the clubs you are or aren’t a part of, you may sometimes have trouble keeping your head above water.

Lucky for you, though: The Fourth Edition is here to help! We’ve compiled a list of the ~best~ tips to help you avoid looking like that typical lanyard-wearing freshman on campus. Take a look:

    1. Don’t wear your lanyard. If you’re able to make it to Georgetown, this hopefully goes without saying. It’s totally OK to have your key on your lanyard in your pocket, but please don’t wear it around your neck. I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t actually see it.
    2. Ask “Who do YOU know here?” This just may be the most common saying at Georgetown. Essentially, its 10:34 p.m. on a Friday night, and after cramming into New South 215 for a pregame of epic proportions, you and your freshman squad roll up to a Village A apartment that seems like its pretty awesome. Unfortunately, you can’t seem to locate the friend-of-a-friend’s-brother that said he would let you in to the party, so you get asked “Who do you know here?” Turn it around and ask the question back to them. It’s never been done. If that doesn’t get you in, just give up.
    3. Know your memes. If you want to really learn about something, textbooks just don’t cut it. Knowing the memes are necessary. This means joining Georgetown’s one-and-only meme page on Facebook. Don’t have a Facebook? Don’t even. Take a look at an one of the page’s more notable posts:
    4. Know the terminology. Memes aren’t enough, since Georgetown has its own lingo. If you learn it early, you should have no problem navigating around campus. You’ll even increase your chances of getting into a party and may not get lost in the ICC coming from HFSC after when you’re studying for a BSFS in IPEC in the SFS! If all of these acronyms are foreign to you, for a not-so-complete list of some of the key terms you should use flashcards to memorize before the fall semester arrives, check here.
    5. Do get lost in the ICC. It may sound strange, but this is sort of a tradition, so much so that even as a senior having had a class every semester but one in the ICC, I still manage to turn the wrong way or get lost in this perplexing building every time I (attempt) to enter or exit, and I can confidently say I am not alone. Getting lost in the ICC is a tradition Georgetown students celebrate from the moment they get on campus till the day they graduate, so why not start early?
    6. Sit by yourself in Leo’s. As an upperclassman, I can say that there is nothing worse than the food at when our beloved dining hall is clogged with swarms of freshmen taking up every chair so the entire floor can eat together. You probably won’t end up talking to any of these people anyways in just a few short weeks, so why don’t you try something new, and sit by yourself? Upperclassman won’t be able to immediately identify you as part of that flock of freshman from VCW 6.
      Your entire floor does NOT need to eat together
    7. Do not stand in front of Village A rooftops between the hours of 9 p.m. and 11 p.m. on Thursday through Saturday. Perhaps the most identifiable freshman breeding ground, this locale is nothing but trouble for any upperclassman that happens to pass through. My memory of this area is characterized by several things: salmon shorts, GUPD, vomit, squashed cans of Natural Light and swarms of awkward freshman. Don’t associate yourself with this memory. Stand elsewhere when you’re looking for something to do.
    8. Don’t sit on the statue. Georgetown was founded to honor Leo O’Donovan with a waterfront restaurant for the pursuit of knowledge, not the pursuit of your Snapchat stories. The lighting is never just right for a photo on old John Carroll’s lap, so don’t even waste your time. Plus, getting up there is harder than it looks, so especially in the wee hours of the night, it is just never a good idea.

Granted, these tips won’t work for everyone. On a more serious note, if you’re still struggling with something, chances are, there is someone to help you with that! Take a look at some of the resources Georgetown has to offer.

Catch 4E’s latest student tips in next week’s edition of 4E Declassified Freshman Survival Guide!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, facebook.com, nick.com