There’s no doubt Kylie Jenner and Stormi stole Justin Timberlake’s moment during the Super Bowl a few weeks ago. But everyone is wondering — how is 20-year-old Kylie going to transform from a glitter guru into a stellar mom?
Many of us are actually older than the younger Jenner herself, making us skeptical of her parenting skills (after all, she did confuse a baby pig for a chicken). In light of these doubts, here are 25 iconic people who may make a better mom than Kylie Jenner.
1. Regina George’s mom
2. Chrissy Teigen
4. Grandma Squarepants
5. University President John J. DeGioia
6. Amanda Bynes (pre-rehab)
8. Phoebe Buffay’s mom
9. The bouncer at Sax
11. Kim Kim from Sazón
12. The New South RA who never writes you up
13. North, Saint and Chicago West
14. The mom from the “Black Mirror” episode “Arkangel”
15. Carey Martin from “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody”
16. Nani from “Lilo and Stitch”
17. The Cash Me Outside Girl
18. Spencer from “iCarly”
19. The mom from “Diary of a Wimpy Kid”
20. Wisey’s Rat
21. Whoever created @couplesatleos
22. Cardi B
23. Bradley Cooper (COL ’97)
24. The student guard who doesn’t just let you in
25. Kylie’s plastic surgeon
Still, in all seriousness, we here at 4E congratulate Kylie on her new baby, who is probably already richer than all of us.
Just as Kylie Jenner kept baby Stormi a secret until she was born and ready to be famous, we here at 4E are proud to announce that, earlier this month, we welcomed six new bloggers into our family. Be on the lookout for some stellar content from them in the future!
Top 3 Signs That You’re Officially A Broke College Student
1. Your card gets declined on a pack of gum at Vittles. I’ve had to pay in dimes and nickels before.
2. You can’t donate that extra $1 at CVS checkout. It’s hard to donate to the poor when you ARE the poor.
3. Signing up to be a student guard. $12.50 for sitting at a desk seems like the ultimate solution for broke students.
Top 5 Social W’s at Georgetown
1. A university-recognized frat party
2. A Henle that is below 97 degrees
3. A Vil B where no one gets kicked out
Top 5 Awkward Interactions I’ve Had This School Year
1. I’m in an interview in front of three intimidating upperclassmen. I wrote in my application that my dream job would be a stand-up comedian, so they ask me to tell a joke. I’m nervous, and so I say the first thing that comes into my mind: a Jewish joke. The problem — I didn’t tell them that I’m Jewish. They laugh awkwardly at this joke. Unsurprisingly, I was rejected.
2. I get into the New South elevator and see a kid from my Spanish class. We havenever talked before today. The elevator is crowded, and we end up standing right next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. We say “hey,” and then it’s just silent. The elevator is going up so slowly, and it becomes so silent and awkward that I start to laugh uncontrollably.
3. *Waiter gives me my food*
Me: “You too!”
Top 3 Disney Channel Original Movies since 2000
1. Cheetah Girls
2. High School Musical
3. Jump In!
Top 3 Georgetown Rats
1. The Wisey’s Rat: The OG. The rat who started it all. To quote an old adage, “You see a rat, I see a man working hard to support his family.” Long live.
2. The Leo’s rat: It’s truly disturbing that a rat lived amongst my 5Spice sesame chicken and Sazon guacamole. Still, the temptation is understandable. I really can’t blame this one on the rat so much as on whatever evil force made Leo’s.
3. The rat I accidentally kicked on Healy Lawn: I’d feel bad for kicking you so hard, but scurrying over my foot was never going to be the best first impression. I watched in horror as you soared through the air from the sheer force of my kick, unaware that although you were my first Georgetown rat, you wouldn’t be my last.
Top 3 Tried and True Ways to Procrastinate
1. BuzzFeed comes to mind for most people when they hear the word procrastination. It truly has something for everyone.
2. The Facebook Deep Dive is a personal favorite of mine: Just start scrolling through your Facebook timeline and see where it takes you. Maybe you start with a few cooking videos and after forty minutes find yourself casually stalking the profile of a girl you went to middle school with — obviously not in a creepy way, just to see how she’s doing.
3. Of course, you can’t go wrong with a classic form of procrastination: the nap. It solves everything. Paper due in a few hours? Nap. Feel generally stressed? Nap. Avoiding any and all responsibilities? Nap.
After a brief break, Valentine’s Day is back on my list of favorite holidays.
My grade school self loved Valentine’s Day — a lovely day of receiving candy from each of my third grade classmates. My friends and I prepared for this important holiday by meticulously constructing “Valentine Mailboxes” and carefully addressing pieces of candy to all of our classmates, with hearts drawn on the ones reserved for our best friends and the boys we like liked.
In high school, Valentine’s Day got more complicated — with raging hormones, a relative lack of driver’s licenses and a slew of ambiguously-defined relationships, Valentine’s Day was full of awkwardness, parent drivers and unrequited love.
Valentine’s Day has grown on me as I have (almost) gotten over no longer receiving candy from each of my classmates. I have become more confident in unashamedly buying myself chocolate and have recognized the holiday as a time to remind all of my loved ones how much I care about them.
In celebration of this holiday about love, I have categorized the types of crushes the average Georgetown student is prone to having.
1. Nerdy classmate crush
The adorably sweet nerd who raises their hand a lot in discussion section and always has beautifully succinct and articulate points to make. Thank you for your nerdiness and for sharing your long, detailed study guides with the entire class in an A+ display of cura personalis.
With a student body eager to juggle a full class schedule, on- and off-campus jobs and internships, research positions, club leadership and a slew of meetings on the G-cal, coffee is held in high esteem on the Hilltop.
Large quantities of caffeine are readily available from the adorable blue-awning of Saxbys just two blocks from campus or — if you must — from various outposts of the largest student-run nonprofit corporation in the world1, which is more than willing to take all of your flex dollars.
3. Epi Quesadilla
How many people/foodstuffs in your life are faithfully there for you regardless of your level of sobriety AND readily provide you with sides of guacamole, salsa and sour cream??
4E would like to assert that the Epi quesadilla is NOT just a 2 a.m. post-Brown House booty call snack. This wholesome and respectable delicacy is deserving of your love at all hours of the day.
4. Sweet Professor
Here we have the unbelievably kind professor who has been teaching at Georgetown longer than you have been alive and is still so clearly in love with the material they get to teach you. True, their love of nineteenth-century British poetry will always come before you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate their extensive scarf collection and the way they’ve coordinated the perfect scarf for every outfit from afar.
4E wants you to act on your crushes, Georgetown! Show all of the “crushes” in your life — romantic, platonic, nerdy, caffeine-containing or otherwise — how much you appreciate them.
Taken from the segment of the Blue and Gray tour seen in the HSFC. Who doesn’t love a good study session punctuated by a recitation of the wonders of ~The Corp~?
You’ve all probably heard the expression “abroad changed me” and thought, “dear God, that person sounds so obnoxious.”
Still, some of us have actually changed. Some of my friends from Madrid are now ~euro~ and dress in clothes you only see when you crash an Expat Society party. In my post-abroad experience, late-night eating is a thing of the past for me…or at least it was until my second night back on campus. Let’s just say I’m back to being a regular at Domino’s.
As my parents were quick to point out, the world did not wait for us while we were abroad. We all have come back to Georgetown — that is, we all came back happy and then were promptly slapped across the face when we had 100+ pages of reading due for the first Monday. Now let’s just say these past few weeks have been a severe reality check.
However, as I sit here stressing about my Spanish paper, readings on Sharia law and Portuguese homework (see what I mean?), I can’t help but also be shocked by how much Georgetown has changed since my last visit in July. Here are just a few ways in which Georgetown has blown my mind in the last three weeks.
1. New Students. This one has to be the most noticeable change for anyone returning from abroad. Who are you and why did you take my favorite Lau 4 cubicle? What makes you think it’s okay to sit next to me in the ICC and make a huge mess of your Corp sandwich? Clearly a semester has put me out of touch with other Hoyas.
2. Apartment Lifestyle. As a friend once put it, I now have a place to cook, eat, sleep, hang out with friends, party, etc. I also technically never have to leave unless I want to go to class, work, be an actual human being, etc. The upgrade from Kennedy to Vil B is much better than many people think, which leads me to my next thought…
3. Village B is slightly nicer. I was quite pleasantly surprised to find a full-size refrigerator in my Vil B when I moved in a few weeks ago. I was not surprised, however, when I was greeted by the unbearable stench of my tower when I moved in. I guess some things will never change.
4. CHICK-FIL-A. One of the weirdest, but certainly not unwelcome, changes on campus. And if the thought of having a renowned eatery on campus isn’t absurd enough, how crazy is it that I haven’t gone yet?
5. Patrick Ewing has returned. Old news, I know, but having a new basketball coach on campus is big if you’re a true basketball fan. Although I’m ashamed to admit I left the game against St. John’s before the epic ending, it’s safe to say we’re in a better place than where we were last year (no disrespect to the former coach).
6. UG is now ~bougie~. Located at the top of the new bookstore, it seems to me that UG has lost its hipster-feel and has now traded for a more mainstream Barnes-&-Noble-feel. Just my personal opinion.
7. Leo’s has a VW bus inside. Considering new Leo’s opened months ago and I do not have a meal plan, this one probably is not that important of news. Just a fun fact, though. I’m glad to see the mice haven’t left.
8. The Drama. Though we all tried to stay updated on what was happening on campus, we were bound to miss some of the biggest drama since Josh Peck didn’t invite Drake Bell to his wedding. Whether two of your friends are dating, three of your friends only talk to each other now or your one friend confessed his/her lifelong love for — the sky is the limit. All you want to know is EVERYTHING.
9. Even printing has changed.I’m really not sure why this change was necessary and I know for a fact other formerly-abroad students are struggling to print documents because an obscure reinstallment is required. While I’m all for advancing technology, we could at least have had a warning before being sorely and publicly disappointed at the Lau 2 printer.
10. New semester, new taste. Of course, I mean the new Burnett’s flavors floating around campus. While all returnees are used to the cheapest alcohols abroad has to offer, that first taste of Burnett’s — assuming you’re 21, of course — is bound to slap you across the face harder than that first homework assignment.
Welcome back, Hoyas! While we may miss abroad every day, it’s safe to say we missed our friends, Piano Bar and the Hilltop even more last semester.
You’re Finally Done. Thank God. You made it through an entire semester of Bib Lit without ever actually opening a bible. You recognized more than a generous 50% of the words on your Spanish exam. Was your final CPS essay good? Not really, but you met the word count, submitted it on time, and most importantly, you’ll never have to talk to your unreliable graduate-student TA ever again! So say goodbye to that Lau cubicle, shove some random clothes and your Juul charger into a duffel bag, and call an Uber to Union Station: it’s officially ~break~.
Showering without flip-flops in a bathroom without black mold? Eating a meal that doesn’t involve ramen noodles or flamin’ hot cheetos? Stepping outside and not being greeted by at least a dozen large rats? They should call you King Felipe VI of Spain (G ’95), ‘cause this Hoya is living like royalty. You never knew you would miss suburbia this much. No imminent deadlines, stolen borrowed quizlets, or panic attacks induced by SaxaNet. You have all the time in the world to lounge around the house, send snapchats of your dog, and debate whether or not it’s still ok to binge watch House of Cards (Editor’s note: It’s not. Stick to Friends. David Schwimmer is our last hope).
You meet up with your high school squad at the local Applebee’s and reminisce about GonzagaDelbarton your totally unique alma mater. At the wise old age of 20, you fondly look back at the shenanigans of your youth. Remember when you prank called your Calculus teacher? Remember when you stole a beer from your dad’s fridge in the basement? Remember when you said you had “senioritis” but actually continued to try very hard in school because you wanted to go to Georgetown? Haha! Good Times! You weren’t lame at all!
Ok, it’s been a week and you’ve realized why you were so eager to leave home in the first place. There are no Ubers or places that stay open past 10 pm here. Your parents have an incessant need know where you’re going, who you’re going with, and “is there going to be alcohol there?”. And when you do go out, you have to constantly remind people that you go to Georgetown, not GW and then pretentiously explain why THEY ARE VERY DIFFERENT SCHOOLS. You miss procrastinating on Lau 2 with your friends. You miss saying hi to The Wisey’s Rat. You even find yourself missing New Leo’s (not really, but we’ll pretend for the sake of this article). It’s officially time to go back to the Hilltop.
You tear up as you see Healy from across the Key Bridge. It’s been too long since last you met. You bask in the glow of a new semester, telling yourself that this is the year you finally get it together. No more going out on Tuesday nights or skipping every class that meets before 2 pm. No more eating Wisey’s cookies for dinner or convincing yourself that walking up Lau steps counts as a workout. Yes, you’ll abandon this attitude completely within the next two weeks, but it’s nice to enjoy the “new and improved 2018 you!” while it lasts. You’re reunited with your squad, you’re wearing the one cool piece of clothing you got for Christmas, and you’re ready for Syllabus Week. Hoya Saxa, it’s good to be home.