36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

We’ve all heard it before; heck, those lucky guides in Blue & Gray tout it as one of the shining moments of a campus tour, delivered while standing in front of historic Dahlgren Chapel:

“Why yes, 60% of Hoyas do marry other Hoyas!”
*Guide shares a knowing smile with mom in crowd nudging her clearly uninterested son.*

Incredible, right?

Perhaps you’ve met your other half here on the Hilltop; maybe you’re part of the rumored 40% who will *enter dramatic music* meet your significant other after leaving Georgetown. 

Regardless, why not try finding love here now? Taking a page out of the New York Times Modern Love column, we at 4E developed…

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love at Georgetown

The 36 questions are broken down into three parts. As you complete each section, the questions will get more and more intimate. If at any point in the in the questionnaire you feel uncomfortable, you may cease and desist. If this is your decision, we at 4E ask that you leave your partner without any notice in order to ensure that you two will avoid eye contact if you ever just so happen to be crossing Healy Lawn at the same time ever again.

Why not ask that special someone to a coffee date, a romantic night at Domino’s Pizza or a stroll to the benches in front of Dahlgren Chapel, just to set the mood? Take a chance on love and ask them these 36 questions. After all, love doesn’t just happen; it’s a choice.

*Disclaimer: 4E is not responsible for any unsuccessful love stories, as this is not a scientific study backed by any supporting evidence. However, we will take full credit if you do find love using our methods. We welcome you to send all complaints and/or suggestions to dja54@georgetown.edu.*

Part I

  1. Given the choice of any person in the world, who would you like to be your “Problem of God” professor?
  2. Would you like to be Georgetown famous? In like a “mentioned on Georgetown Confessions” way? Or maybe in a “God, can you believe he wrote a confession about himself?” kind of way?
  3. Before putting in your order at the pasta line at Leo’s, do you ever rehearse what you’ll say to the jolly employee?
  4. What would constitute a perfect Georgetown Day for you?
  5. When did you last “accidentally” order two quesadillas at Epi for yourself?
  6. If you make it big in the real world, what will be the first thing you give to Georgetown’s campus that it so desperately needs?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about why Rhino closed despite it’s undeniable earning power among Hoyas both above and underage?
  8. On the count of three, name your go-to Wisey’s order.
  9. What flavor of Burnett’s are you most grateful for?
  10. If you could change anything about your time on the Hilltop, what would it be?
  11. Take 90 seconds to tell your partner how Quick Pita positively impacted your life before its passing.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow with the power to change one thing permanently at Georgetown, what would it be?
    Part II
  13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, would you want to know if you’re working at Goldman Sachs, Deloitte or Teach for America?
  14. Is there a place on campus you’ve dreamed of taking that special someone to for a long time? Why don’t you lead them to Reiss rooftop right now?
  15. Without naming any clubs you finally got into, classes you aced or the number of chicken fingers you can down on Chicken Finger Thursday, what has been the greatest accomplishment of your Hoya existence?
  16. What do you value more in a roommate: cleanliness or their number of housing points?
  17. What is your most treasured memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  18. What is your most terrible memory that occurred after 11 p.m. on a Thursday night?
  19. Knowing that graduation is looming, what is stopping you from going after the Hoya that got away?
  20. What did/does your friendship with your freshman year roommate mean to you?
  21. Has your love and affection for our men’s basketball team, despite the heartbreak inflicted, had a positive effect on your Georgetown experience?
  22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive side effect of living in D.C. Share three items each.
  23. How tight-knit was your freshman floor? Do you feel that your freshman year experience on Darnall 6 was happier than that of most other Hoyas?
  24. On a scale of 1 to 10, how close are you with your dean?
    Part III
  25. Make three “we” statements with your partner. For example, “We at this bench have both stolen rolls of toilet paper from Regents and smuggled them out under our Barbour jackets.”
  26. Finish this sentence on the count of three: “I wish someone at Georgetown had told me … ” *Editor’s note – Do not both say your wish out loud at the same time. This will cancel out all wish-granting or time-travelling powers from the ghost of John Carroll who will be listening in from the clock tower.*
  27. Take turns sharing the basis, and then nitty-gritty details of the personal essay you submitted in your original Georgetown application.
  28. After taking one minute to dig through your memory bank, tell your partner about the first time that you saw them on campus. Be very honest as you explain what your first impression of your partner was.
  29. Share with your partner when or if this first impression changed.
  30. When was the first time you cried because Georgetown, in all its glory and madness, got the best of you?
  31. Tell your partner what you admire most about them.
  32. What, if anything, do you think Hoyas should care more about?
  33. Imagine that you are at the Lincoln Memorial watching the sunrise on the morning of your graduation. You will never again be surrounded by all your fellow classmates in one spot ever again. What is one thing you regret not having told someone, be they a friend or a face in the crowd who never became anything more?
  34. Why haven’t you told the aforementioned person what you think yet?
  35. Of all your friends, colleagues, professors, Jesuits or four-legged friends on the Hilltop, who are you most afraid of losing, metaphysically or metaphorically?
  36. Stand up and grab your partners’ hands in your own. Set a timer and stare into each others eyes soundlessly for 228 seconds, one for every year of Georgetown’s existence.

Thank you for your participation! Now get over to Tombs and laugh about how silly that was. Or, maybe it wasn’t. Best of luck.

Photos/Gifs: buzzfeed.com, giphy.com

Things Worth Loving This Valentine’s Day

Down with capitalistic consumer culture that tells us that showering in materialism one day a year is a necessary approach to demonstrating our care for a significant other! Down with societal expectations that promote monogamy, heteronormativity and tacky, giant, useless teddy bears bound for eventual landfill!

Why just celebrate one person one day a year when you are surrounded by people and things worth loving every day, all of the time?!

Here’s 4E’s take on things that are truly worthy of love and celebration this Valentine’s Day:

Epi’s salad bar

DeGioia’s smile

Healy Lawn

The Office

Bathroom Stall Art

Peets!

70 degree weather in February

Tinder

Free cake samples at Dog Tag Bakery

GUPD officers who smile

Arrupe’s study spaces

Arrupe being called Arrupe

NPR Politics

Leo’s vegan options

Yates midday

The Law Center GUTS bus

Lau’s free feminine product dispenser

Super Bowl commercials that promote unity

A friend’s baby photos

Your grandparents

Bitmojis

Peanut butter

The Smithsonian Museum of African American History and Culture

Lau’s book request system

Research grants

Sunshine

Fluffy dogs

Naps

Big dogs

Netflix

Little dogs

Booeymonger

Rumchata

If you’re still reading this and feel as though your qualms for the holiday have not subsided, here’s a list of things you might not love, but nonetheless could make you more grateful today for the things that you do love.

Here are things to also love today:

Donald Trump’s twitter

Expired groceries

The patriarchy

Systematic inequality

Georgetown’s rising tuition

Racial disparities

Antisemitism

Being ghosted

Canada Goose jackets

People who walk slowly

Read receipts

Saxanet

Poor customer service

Class with your ex

Classism

Corp coffee

Splitting the check

Partisanship

The Metro

Weekly assignments

Rejection

2k17’s lack of snow days

Gifs: giphy.com

4E’s Spring 2017 Blog Babies

Every semester, we at The Fourth Edition decide to open our doors to the few whom we think are pretty hilarious. This semester, we took five new, spectacular human beings out of a competitive applicant pool. We can’t wait to see what they accomplish!

Top 3 Moments on Season 21 of The Bachelor

1. When Corinne, age 24, casually discloses that she has a nanny. #FreeRaquel2k17

2. When Alexis (dolphin/shark) jumps into the pool and starts making what I presume are dolphin mating sounds to call out for Nick.

3. When Josephine forces Nick to “lady and tramp” an uncooked hot dog with her.

Top  3 Ways to Get Lost in the ICC

1. You took the stairs. Never take the stairs.

                  2.  You went to office hours. The offices seem to always be full of people and yet does anyone really know where they are?
                  3.  You went to the bathroom. If the stairs are from Hogwarts, the ICC bathrooms are practically closets to Narnia.

 


Top 3 Georgetown Pet Peeves

1. Facilities request.

2. When someone ignores your Venmo request.

3. Dominos closes at 2 AM????

 

 

 

 

Top 5 TV Show Episodes that Make a Bad Day Better

1. The Office, “Stress Relief”

2. Parks and Recreation, “Li’l Sebastian”

3. 30 Rock, “Queen of Jordan”

 

 

 

Top 3 Things Every Georgetown Student Can Agree On

1. The Leo’s coffee may be a crummy necessity in maintaining our caffeine addictions, but their banana bread is a delicious gift from heaven.

2. Jack DeGioia is low-key a baller. He owns his rescinding hair line and classy tie collection.

3. We look at the people on tours to see by chance if we know someone, even though we would never actually want to see some random from high school.

Photos/gifs: blog.thehoya.com, facebook.com

The Five Types of Georgetown Basketball Fans

Banner - FansAs winter break thaws out, Big East conference play is just starting to heat up. While we’ve probably all watched at least one Georgetown Basketball game in our lives, I’m sure we all have had different feelings surrounding those games: frustration, excitement, dread when you realize you left your GoCard at the Verizon Center, and even despair. For some, the games are merely an opportunity to watch some basketball, and for others, the games are an opportunity to cheer drink away the Sunday Scaries on a Saturday morning.

In any case, Georgetown certainly has some interesting fans. In fact, there are many stereotypes for the typical Georgetown game attendees one might run into at the Verizon Center. Here are some of 4E’s favorites:

  1. The Instagram enthusiast. They enjoy a nice outing once a semester downtown to the Verizon Center, where they are sure to get a decent amount of likes off of posting a pic of themselves and their freshmen roommates having SO much fun at the game. They probably don’t even know what the players’ names are, but that doesn’t bother them. They aren’t sure why Georgetown switched baskets halfway through the game and are likely to put Jack skateboarding on their snap stories. They may even post a finsta of how #turnt they got if we’re lucky enough.
  2. The ones who still believe in JT3. Don’t trust them. They like to be let down. They will probably lose in many respects in life. They are probably disillusioned with being a Georgetown student, so you won’t likely find this person in the student section. They always buy season tickets, and would rather hold the ticket for a game they can’t attend rather than sell it off to a petty “Down-with-JT3” cheering fan. If it’s possible to blow a lead in life, they will do it.
  3. The fans who have an obsession with cutout heads. While basketball is exciting and all, these are the people who merely go to the game to wave around a piece of cardboard. No, they aren’t just looking for attention, but in addition, an opportunity to escape their real lives, and become the Pope/John Thompson/Bradley Cooper/etc. They will risk their lives to get the cutout of their choice and probably have a hearty secret collection of cutouts.
  4. The serial dancers. We have plenty of dance groups on campus, but these fans aren’t interested in group-sponsored theatrics. Instead, they will be heavily featured on the big screen for their less-than-stellar fantastic moves. It’s not hard to be featured when you’re the only one in the arena moving and shaking, but they will tout their big screen appearances to no end and will perhaps even consider putting it on their resumes. They are huge fans of the student section and will try to conduct the attention of all students in said section.
  5. The avid basketball fan. There isn’t anything more exciting (frustrating?) for these people than watching some great (frustrating?) Georgetown basketball. They wish they were attending the school back in the ’84-’85 season and have memorized so many stats that they have no room left in their brains to study for that philosophy final. They think about the cost-benefit analysis and the prospect of the team’s success in the upcoming season before buying season tickets. They wouldn’t miss a game — even though they often turn them off and cry into a pillow at halftime.

    Wrong sport, right reaction

Time to break some stereotypes.

Photos/Gifs: scout.com, giphy.com

Friday Fixat10ns: Holiday Sing-A-Longs

holiday sing a longBecause finals are starting, everyone at 4E knows that it’s hard to get into the holiday spirit. But there’s no better way to get excited than to play some holiday music, finish that paper that you know is last minute, and cram for that bio exam that you’ve got tomorrow morning. Here’s what you should definitely have on that playlist right now.

  1. “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” by Pentatonix

The holiday season wouldn’t be the holiday season without some form of The Nutcracker playing in the background. This new version will honestly keep you guessing.

2. “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber

Let’s face it. We all loved JB when this song came out and we love JB now. This is too full circle not to include.

3. “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey

The classic Mariah Carey song. Use this to inspire you to make your life as iconic as Mariah has made this song.

4. “Baby It’s Cold Outside” by Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé

I’m not cruel enough to include any Frozen song on this list, but Idina Menzel’s voice is too amazing to pass up. Also, another iconic holiday song, it’s too relatable when the temperatures drop on campus to below 30 degrees.

5. “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms

Who knows when you’re going to listen to this song, but if you know the Mean Girls dance to this song, you should definitely perform it on Lau 2 as a study break.

6. “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)” by Nat King Cole

Hands down one of the best song to get you in the holiday spirit. Works every time.

7. “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé

It wouldn’t be a holiday playlist without Michael Bublé. It just wouldn’t.

8. “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow” by Dean Martin

The more you play this, the more likely it is that it will actually snow. The snow day calculator told me so.

9. “Hallelujah” by the Pentatonix

Yes, this is the second song I’ve included from their album but honestly listen to the whole thing because it’s beautiful.

10. “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano

The best pump up holiday song. Fast paced, easy to sing along to, and just in general a holiday anthem. Get ready to belt it out.

Finally, happy holidays from everyone at 4E! And good luck on finals!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

Thoughts You Have at Yates

Banner - Yates ThoughtsThe gym is where champions are made. So while I spend half my day stuffing my face and an eighth burning a few calories at Yates, I have learned a couple of things. Shall we begin? Here are thoughts we all have at Yates:

  1. The walk from the stairs down to our machine/gym spot is probably the most intimidating part of the whole experience…or the best depending on the kind of person you are. If you’re a person who appreciates strutting what you got, then honestly, good for you. But if you’re not, then you probably have your heart rate up quicker than you would in the middle of an actual workout.

2. Five minutes into your workout. Here we go. You’re good. It’s all good. You think you’re blending in. You can totally do this once a week. Definitely.

3. Twenty minutes into your workout and you actually think you’re dying. These girls/boys aren’t looking at you because you look good. They’re worried that you might faint. Someone grab a towel because you’re sweating a fountain.

4. You see that cute girl/guy walk in–and you suddenly start rippin’ the reps.

5. And now you’re staring. Praying they don’t see you.

5. You think you should branch out this gym sesh. Try something new. Yeah! You adjust the new machine, hoping you don’t look something like this:

or this:

6. Most important to address: how you think you look

How you actually look:

7. But at the end of the day, you should be proud that you got yourself there. :’)

 

And there you have it, folks. Keep liftin’.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, recreation.georgetown.edu

25 Things to Expect on Election Day

Election Day

Four years ago at this time I was a sophomore in high school, wondering who would be running for president when I would finally be able to vote. Fast-forward to now, and let’s just say many of us are surprised by where we are today in terms of presidential candidates.

Now is the time we all have been waiting for. After all, many Hoyas look forward to Tuesday because being in D.C. will certainly make things interesting. As doomsday Election Day draws closer, people are undoubtedly wondering what the day will entail. As always, 4E is here to help you and present you with a list of things to expect on election day.

  1. Expect to wake up at 5:00 AM to the loud noises and chants of campus campaigners.
  2. You’ll probably step out of your dorm room and find your hallway wallpapered with pictures of Hillary, Donald memes and ads for those other candidates that you forgot existed.
  3. Leo’s will be full of people wearing campaign shirts, pins, hats, etc. You may see some joke shirts too (I don’t think we really need to go into depth on why). 
  4. You’ll walk into Red Square and witness a number of things, first and foremost, a great swarm of students.
  5. College Democrats will be rooting for Hillary.
  6. College Republicans will be rooting for well…we don’t really know, since the ol’Donald’s policies have been denounced by many Republicans on the Hill.
  7. Matthew Kroenig will be lecturing to the public on the current election situation and predicting what will happen to our country depending on what candidate wins.
  8. Some random student will also be trying to lecture. People will stand by to either listen or put it on their snapstory…
  9. …Leading to the next observation: Snapchat will be full of “I Voted” stickers and all sorts of filters for this special day.
  10. Some organization will have written (in chalk) messages about remembering love and peace during this election season (will they end up vandalized?).
  11. Finally, one last group of students won’t be campaigning for anyone, but just telling you to vote and fulfill your ~civic duty~.
  12. Dahlgren Chapel will be packed with students, faculty, locals and maybe even Joe Biden, all praying for neither candidate to win and for the next four years to be over quickly.
  13. Will Hillary Clinton herself make an appearance? She’ll probably be in Washington anyway, so why not head to a college campus?
  14. On a similar note, John Kerry will most definitely be seen around the neighborhood. You may see him around O Street or, like Hillary, possibly campaigning on our campus.
  15. If you see John Kerry, you’ll also see his security guards. Be sure to look if they seem slightly tipsy
  16. …Which leads to my next point: you may, in fact, see plenty of drunk Hoyas (21+ of course). Just as some played drinking games to get through the debates, some will drink to get through the day (let’s hope not for the next four years).
  17. Back to campaigning: will Eric Trump make an appearance at his alma mater? His father might want to balance the Dems’ campaigning efforts, so he may send Eric out from the golf clubs to do some #work.
  18. Later in the day, all the interns from Capitol Hill will return to campus. Some will talk about how they monitored results when in reality they were just getting Congressmen coffee.
  19. Expect some mild rioting throughout the day. No one’s happy, but no one’s going crazy…yet.
  20. Around the time that the results are announced, you’ll see a large crowd running out of the front gates. This isn’t a revolutionary force; it’s just GRC going on it’s White House run. Check it out- you’ll get to see all the craziness downtown.
  21. Walking through HFSC at this time, amid all the shouting, you’ll hear various news channels gauging the international response. From laughter to threats of nuclear war, expect foreign leaders to have a wide variety of responses.
  22. IF HILLARY WINS: Expect many people to relax, mostly out of relief that Trump wasn’t elected president against all odds.
  23. IF TRUMP WINS: Much of D.C. goes up in flames, along with a large part of the country. Expect mass rioting and looting throughout the city.

    Maybe not this drastic…
  24. Will anarchy spread to campus? It’s possible that some crazy students will rob various Corp locations of bagels and coffee beans. Tables in Lau could be overturned. Hoverboards may even make an appearance in apparent disregard for authority.
  25. And to finally close out the day, you’ll get that Public Safety Announcement from Todd Olsen and Jay Gruber, encouraging students to remain in their dorms and act responsibly, even though this election was just a disaster from the start.

On that note, there’s only one thing to say as we come up on one of the most controversial elections in American history: 

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2fpYCnS

Fifty Shades of Gray: A Campus Sweatshirt Analysis

Banner - sweatshirts

Fall is upon us. It is time for overpriced seasonal lattes, never-ending weeks of midterms and long nights in Lau. It’s time to unpack sensible footwear, time for facilities to (finally) turn on the heat setting in the dorms and time to unpack your sweatshirts. If you have attended one or more educational institutions, been on a sports team (were you a varsity benchwarmer? JV legend? Intramural MVP?) or attended a few club meetings (for an organization with an acronym that you may or may not have understood), a fair share of gear order forms have passed through your hands as you have built your formidable sweatshirt collection. You own hoodies, quarter-zips and crew necks, in various shades of grey, gray, “sport grey,” “dark heather” and “ash,” all of which boast emblems and acronyms advertising your affiliation to something to us sleep-deprived, sweatshirt-clad college students in your midst.

Here is 4E’s analysis of a few popular types of sweatshirts seen on the Hilltop:

Sweatshirts with an acronym ending in “H.S.”
This sweatshirt may as well be emblazoned with “FRESHMAN” in glowing letters. High school paraphernalia should remain crammed in the bottom of your childhood dresser along with your participation certificates, retainer case, homecoming corsages, SAT practice tests, Common App essay and other evidence of your time spent amidst hormonal, angsty teenagers in locker-lined hallways that 4E sincerely hopes you’ve left at home.

Collegiate gear from a school that is not Georgetown
Reasons to wear gear from another school: You have a good friend, S.O., sibling or parent that goes or went to this school. Maybe this was a birthday present and you are in no position to pass up the addition to your sweatshirt collection.

Reasons not to wear: You toured, applied to and were waitlisted by Harvard, but you payed $50 for a crimson sweatshirt that serves as a nice reminder of your narrowly avoided time on the yard. Or, you applied to and got into some school, and of course bought a sweatshirt, and being the intelligent annoying person that you are, are now trying to intimidate your classmates.

#3

Georgetown Gear
Woohoo!! The most prevalent colors in your wardrobe are slowly but surely becoming blue and gray!! The small percentage of money that you didn’t spend at the bookstore on textbooks you are now spending at the bookstore on clothing items that say “Georgetown” or “Hoyas” or “1789” or “I Heart John Carroll”!! Additionally, if you’re in a club and don’t have a sweatshirt with the aforementioned club’s name on it, your membership in this club is up for debate, so yay for acronyms that start with “GU”!!

Patagonia
Alas! Who knew that staying on Lau 2 until 3am required a uniform? But, how do you signal that you are overworked, over-caffeinated and not getting enough sleep without dawning your multicolored patchwork of fleece? The unmistakable mountain silhouette logo in the corner of your pullover helpfully informs your peers that when you’re not stumbling between Lau, Leo’s and the ICC in a sleep-deprived stupor you would, of course, be found summiting a mountain, rock climbing or backpacking.

#4

Vineyard Vines
The effectiveness of combining an article of clothing frequently used as sleepwear with a basic classy brand remains yet to be determined. You are trying to appear stylish and sophisticated after spending entirely too much time in Lau and not enough under your Bed Bath and Beyond duvet, and I commend this effort.

#5

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, fairisleknit.com

Hottest US Presidents of All Time

Banner - US PrezThe election is officially one week away, which means that in a few days, we can all let out a big sigh of relief because we no longer have to pretend we really really care about the election. If you’re anything like me and have invested in the real issues, you’re ready for another hot president. While the prospect of this happening in the immediate future is dubious, let’s take a moment to pledge allegiance to the hottest Presidents of the United States’ past:

7. George W. Bush

I know this one hurts because yeah, he did some sketchy things and stuff but ~whatever~. Look at him in 1964 in his Yale cap! He’s the Ryan Lochte of American Presidents. Did a lot of bad things but we’d still probably just put it all aside given the opportunity. Obviously I took in to account his Presidential record, hence why he comes in at the bottom of this list.

6. Abraham Lincoln

f74c76d53ee246ea10527e9465291c6e

He has a very rugged, masculine look to him, and his presidency was also associated with the end of slavery which is pretty ~hot~. While you can’t tell from the black and white pics, he had blue-gray eyes. YESSS.

5. Franklin D. Roosevelt

tdih-jul18-HD_still_624x352

I like winners. Winning is sexy. FDR literally won four presidential elections. Damn babe.

4. JFK

jfk

Doesn’t really need explaining. Pretty sure most of us would be cooing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” in unison if he were in a 100 foot radius.

3. Ronald Reagan

6711248

Actual husband. Unless Ronald Reagan can somehow rise from the dead to father my children, I will die unmarried and I’m fine with that. Plus, with the future of science and technology who knows what can happen, right?

2. Barack Obama

Talking about Obama’s hotness make me feel a little weird, as if I’m talking about my dad, but to leave him off this list would be unfair. Love him or hate him, you have to give him credit where credit is due.

1. Harry Truman

220px-Harry-truman

This one may come as a shock to some of you, but Harry Truman is delicious. He has all the physical appeal of Reagan without Reaganomics. And, he didn’t cheat on his wife while in office which gives him points, too. Hottest President. Better yet, my chances of acquiring the Truman name are still alive (no pun intended)…Clinton Truman where you at?

Photos/Gifs/Sources: cnn.com, pinterest.com, theatlantic.com, giphy.com, salon.com, wikipedia.com, heavy.com

The Steps of Being GERMSed: A Nighttime Rollercoaster

Being GERMSed

GERMS: the one word your parents do not want to hear when you call them at 8 AM on a Sunday morning. Many people have been in this situation, and they’ve said it’s quite shameful.

Hint hint: It’s not shameful

Generally, you hear more about people calling GERMS on other people. You hear about how they were such heroes, how they condemned saved their friends, how they weren’t involved but watched someone else get GERMSed, etc.

However, you may occasionally hear someone tell you about how he/she was GERMSed on a fateful weekend night. These stories are certainly interesting because you’re hearing the survivor’s side. Some are curious as to what actually happens when someone is GERMSed. As always, 4E has the inside information on what happens to these unfortunate souls. So, here are the steps of being GERMSed.

  1. Context– You’ve had a rough week. Three midterms, two papers, and you’re working on homework until 2 AM every night. You may also have been rejected from yet another club. When you leave Lau at 9 PM on Friday night, you’re ready to go out and go hard. However, in your mad rush to party, you may forget to hydrate and/or eat dinner. Let’s just say that you’ve already created a recipe for disaster.
  2. The Pregame– If this night was Kingda Ka, one of the world’s tallest roller coasters, your arrival at the pregame is the point where you start shooting forward, but are not yet at the steep ascent to the top. After running from your room to the pregame, you quickly down a larger-than-recommended amount of Burnett’s (Note: we at 4E only encourage responsible drinking–meaning if you’re 21+, of course–so check out these articles if you need help choosing flavors). Soon after, you start to feel a nice buzz, but nothing too crazy yet. You forget the fact that your stomach is empty and decide to take a few more shots before heading out to the party. You’ve now begun the ascent to the top of the rollercoaster.
  3. The Party– Now, you’re in the middle of the ascent, almost to the top. This party is #lit full of debauchery, and handles of Burnett’s are floating around everywhere. You even spot Pineapple Burnett’s, which has gotten great reviews in the past. You’re overwhelmed by how great this party is, and fully engage in the “festivities”. When you’re ready to leave with your friends and venture to Epi, you’re just at the top of the rollercoaster, about to drop into a full-shame spiral.
  4. Epi / Walking Home– You arrive there with some of your friends and buy a quesadilla. In the process, you realize you are out of Flex Dollars, which adds to the catastrophic nature of this night. In the process of devouring your quesadilla, your BAC continues to rise. You figure you should be fine since you’re eating now, but you couldn’t be more wrong. After walking back to your dorm, you decide to hang out in a friend’s room to close out the night. It looks like there’ll be a happy ending, right?
  5. ~Death~– One thing leads to another, and you find yourself in the bathroom, not in a good state. At this point, you’ve made some sort of scene and have attracted too much attention to yourself. Your friends keep checking on you, and you try to convince them and other spectating floormates that you are totally fine. However, they know better and someone eventually calls GERMS. If you haven’t guessed already, you are spiraling downwards, almost to the bottom.
  6. GERMS– You hit rock bottom when GERMS arrives.It’s important to note that you don’t have to go with GERMS if you’re coherent. Keep in mind that they are students too, and are not looking to get you in trouble or imprison you in the hospital. They’ll ask you a few questions to make sure you’re okay, and if you seem like you’ll make it, you can sign a release form and go back to your room. So, the ending isn’t exactly happy (if it was, GERMS wouldn’t be there in the first place), but it could be worse. If you’re not coherent and/or clearly not okay to spend the night on your own, you’ll probably have to go with GERMS to the hospital. You probably know the rest: you spend the night in the hospital, and the people there release you when they deem you to be okay. You’ll probably promptly run back to your room and fall asleep.
  7. The Morning After– If you actually went to the hospital, you’ll have to call your parents and tell them to expect a bill. You might look something like this.While your parents might look like this.It’s probably better to tell them the truth early on, just so they aren’t surprised and find out through a letter. If you didn’t go to the hospital, it’s up to you whether you want to tell your parents. If you think you have a problem, then you might want to do so. If you just want to put it behind you and learn from the past, it might be better to keep it a secret. Either way, the morning after your encounter with GERMS is sure to be interesting. People in this situation have described feeling shocked, embarrassed, angry, and even humored. It takes time to process how you hit rock bottom in the span of a few hours.

And just like that, we’ve completed the roller coaster.

While the idea of GERMS may seem humorous to some, it really is a big help to students in need. Part of the reason it’s so great is that the students who run it are very understanding and patient. Let’s just say that if it was my job to take care of drunk students all night long…I would probably go crazy.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, images.google.com, http://germsnews.blogspot.com/