Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

Blue and Gray, Please Be Honest

Nothing says spring on the Hilltop like being boxed into a corner by a tour group on your way to class.

In my experience, while college tours seem informative as a naive senior in high school, seeing them as an actual college student has given me a greater appreciation for the level of BS that every school is able to make up. In honor of this year’s GAAP weekends and possible future Hoyas, here’s a more honest look at Georgetown’s campus.

Get excited

First, there’s Dahlgren Quad, home of one of our beautiful chapels. Georgetown is a Jesuit university–but don’t worry, we tokenize every other religion to make up for it. Look up and you’ll see a clock with some handles. This is the last time you’ll ever hear about it. This is a step where a lot of Presidents have stood. Sorry, did I hear someone say Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton. Bill. Clinton.

Have you heard of him? His name is Bill Clinton, and he went to Georgetown. Bill Clinton.

If you’ll follow me, up next is the Village A rooftop, overlooking the scenic Rosslyn skyline. You won’t have a chance of getting an apartment here until you’re a junior, but you might as well live here the first month of your freshman year. I will clearly avoid mentioning the plethora of beer cans scattered on the ground, but we all see them.

So, we’re going to be entering the Healy Family Student Center, or as students call it, HFSC. This building was designed with a lot of student input. One thing we heard was that students needed a place to plug in all their devices, so it’s full of outlets that don’t work. We also incorporated new studies that showed that green space and natural light help students study, so this ivy is real. I know because one time I saw a rat jump out of it.

A similar situation may also be found on a Vil A rooftop

Now we’ll be passing Hilltoss, one of our Corp locations. The Corp is the largest student-run non-profit in the world, making $5 million each year (assuming they’re not bankrupt). Everyone from the CEO to the barista handing you your coffee is a student employee and will tell you about it every time you happen to even breathe their way.

Next we have our dining hall, Leo O’Donovan Hall. If you’d like to grab a few croissants after the tour from the lovely-but-somehow-consistently-dysfunctional Whisk, it will probably cost you upwards of tuition. Leo’s is also great because as a child I loved the movie Ratatouille, and Georgetown has allowed me to experience the live action version.

This is Red Square, where we have our farmers’ market every Wednesday when it’s warm out. It’s the only time you’ll feel joy on this campus.

An avocado, thankss!

Finally, as we enter Leavey we’ll be passing by the offices of GUASFCU, the most needless acronym ever created. The likelihood of both getting into Georgetown and GUAFSCU is less than getting struck by lightning while simultaneously winning the lottery. However, you have worse chances of getting into a club that just goes out to eat. If you love the Common App process, you’ll love Georgetown clubs.

That concludes our honest tour of Georgetown’s campus. Blue and Gray, feel free to incorporate any of this student-sourced information into a new and improved (more accurate) tour format for prospective Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, goldstar.com

March Sadness: Georgetown Edition

As the real March Madness came to an end, we here at 4E decided to give some ~content~ to all of Hoya Nation who had to sit through another NCAA Tournament without a team to root for.

We all have places on campus where we like to be sad. Whether it’s public, private, has beautiful views, reinforces the stresses of everyday life, allows you to forget about your issues or just involves you staring at your pillow, we all can root for our spots in the first annual March Sadness Bracket Challenge: the end-of-season tournament to determine where exactly is the best place to be sad on campus.

Some Notes

Dahlgren Chapel – Dahlgren is a heavy hitter in terms of sadness. I talked to some of my friends about this one, and they singled out something called “Catholic Guilt.” Since I’m Jewish, I don’t really know what that is. However, I would be super sad if I had to tell someone all of my sins every week because there must be SO many. I am, as they say, a sinner. I don’t exactly know what’s considered a sin, but I feel like I commit at least seven of them every time I watch an episode of “Storage Wars: Texas.”

My Bed – My bed is a great place to think about all the times that my friends have abandoned me (looking at you, Mark) and my family has shown little regard for my feelings. It’s great because if you squeeze the pillow really tight, you actually can’t hear any of the sounds of the cruel outside world.

Back of ICC 214 – The back-left desk of ICC 214 is a great place to be sad. This one is especially true when you get back your chem midterm and it’s not what you expected, even though you studied really hard and answered all the questions coherently but your TA really screwed you and must hate you because of that one time she said liked your sweater and you didn’t understand what she was saying at first so you just kept walking. Maybe this is more of a me problem.

Gaston Hall – Gaston has great acoustics for not only a cappella concerts and Rangila, but also for crying. If you really want to hear yourself cry (that is, bellow all of the half notes and pitch changes of your sobbing), there’s no place like Gaston to sit and bawl.

Yates Steps – Sometimes I like to pretend I’m going to Yates and start to walk up the steps, then I realize the steepness makes those steps really hard to ascend. Naturally, I just turn around most of the time. But that makes me extra sad because not only am I skipping Yates because I’m lazy, but I’m also physically incapable of exerting the necessary amount of energy that will allow me to even start working out. In the end I just cry, which one could argue is a form of exercise for your eyelids.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, capitolhillhotel-dc.com

Queer Eye: Beyond Reality TV

Listen up people — there’s a new show in town. Out of all of the quasi-reality television that we have proudly consumed in our lifetimes, “Queer Eye has been the most earth-shattering, jaw-dropping, mind-blowing, uplifting, barrier-crossing, awe-inspiring thing that we here at 4E have ever seen.

If you’re looking for some politically-conscious-yet-mindless-content, this is the show for you.

Ever wondered what would happen if five gay men traveled around Georgia (that’s the state, @SFSers) fixing ~sadbois~?

The answer is glorious. This show has everything: makeovers, drama, love, friendship, tears, wine and even redneck margaritas.

In all seriousness, “Queer Eye” aims to cross the political, racial, and social boundaries that have been dividing our country as of late.

Before you start watching, let us tell you how, why, and to what extent the “Fab 5” will change your life.

1. Karamo: “Culture Expert”/Life Coach

In addition to being impeccably groomed, Karamo gives you all the tools you need to reach inside yourself, find that inner worth and show it to the world #LetThatLittleLightShine.

Karamo was a social worker for 10 years, serving LGBTQ youth throughout the South. Now he is helping out an equally needy and oft-overlooked population: sad, aging men.

This man is the soul of the show. Karamo is always there at the pivotal moments, ensuring that the men have been made over, both inside and out.

Favorite Moment: Episode 3, “Dega Don’t”

Karamo and Cory’s drive back from Atlanta. You’ll understand once you see it.

2. Bobby: “Design Expert”/Home Improvement Wizard

An underappreciated talent, Bobby takes the sadbois’ dingy mancaves and transforms them into livable, ~lit~ homes. He’s constantly on the go, perfecting spaces in a blur of hot pink shorts and dazzling platinum hair.

Watch as he reduces grown men to tears with the mere words “marble countertop.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 5, “Camp Rules”

Bobby’s gardening sesh with Bobby Camp: the seeds of a beautiful friendship are sown.

3. Jonathan: “Grooming Expert”/Yass Kween

The fan favorite of QE, Jonathan’s starring turn as the show’s beauty guru has already led to the creation of a whole new lexicon of iconic sayings, including “Can you believe?” and “Strugs to func.”

Jonathan embraces everyone’s beauty, turning ugly ducklings into majestic, sexy, well-groomed swans.

We cannot get enough of this man. Please, please adopt us.

Favorite Moment: ALL OF THEM!

There are literally so many, we could not choose just one favorite moment.

4. Tan: “Fashion Expert”/Patterned Shirt Aficionado

Tan is the ultimate sweetheart. Though he is, without a doubt, a fashion expert, Tan knows that the key to style is feeling good about yourself inside and out. This quote says it all: “Style is not fashion. Fashion is not trendy after a season. I couldn’t give a sh*t about fashion. Style is dressing the way that you feel confident, and what is appropriate for you, your age [and] body type.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 2, “Saving Sasquatch”

The moment when Tan and Neal bond over their cultural similarities.

5. Antoni: “Food & Wine Expert”/Eye Candy

Ugh, where to start? Antoni is living proof that you can cook up a mean grilled cheese for one and still be bougie af #CollegeInspiration.

Not to mention: I really didn’t think that “supreming” a grapefruit could be sexy but alas, I was wrong.

By the end of the season, we think you’ll agree that Antoni’s feelings about avocados = OUR feelings about him ;).

Favorite Moment: Episode 6, “The Renaissance of Remington”

Antoni making mac n’ cheese with Remy’s mom will make your heart melt like a hunk of cheddar on a hot griddle. This boy knows how to woo a mama.

*swoons*

Now that you’ve met the Fab 5, we hope you take their advice to heart and become the best you that you can be. “Queer Eye” is the show of a modern America, one nation under Fab, all together.

 Whether you’re black, white, straight, gay, or however you identify, “Queer Eye” is here for us all.

So what are you waiting for? Pretend to sexile your roommate, snuggle up under those blankies, open Netflix, and start watching.

*curtsies*

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, netflix.com, 

What’s A Boya?

All Hoya ladies know that, like rats and out-of-order bathroom stalls, f–kboys abound on the Hilltop.

See Snakes of Georgetown to learn about GU’s most prevalent demographic.

The mixture of confidence, political-mindedness and neurosis within Georgetown men is a veritable Molotov cocktail of personality traits, which can be triggered to explode by both academic debate and debauched social gatherings.

Before you accuse me of misandry, a disclaimer: #NotAllMen.

Especially not Armie Hammer and his spectacular dance moves.

Some guys at Georgetown are absolute diamonds — ladies, if you find them, hold on tight. However, some Hoya boys (henceforth known as “Boyas”) are still in a little more of a “coal” phase.

Donald Trump attempting to dig up an alibi, 2017 (colorized).

Love them or hate them — and usually it’s a confusing mixture of both —  Boyas are a group to watch.

Since 2018 is sure to be another year of, like, realizing stuff, please consult this guide to educate yourself on how to spot a Boya, both at a distance and up close.

Side note: Welcome to the world, Stormi!

Without further ado:

1. When he uses the Jesuit values to justify late-night booty calls.

2. If his room has a distinctly “fiscally conservative, socially liberal” aesthetic.

Romney 2012 poster, Vineyard Vines blanket and GUASFCU mug = red flags.

3. When he asks you for your NetID.

Okay, maybe you’re doing a group project together, but ladies, we all know what this guy wants. Sliding into your Gmail is the ~ultimate~ Boya move.

4. If every time you text him “what’s up?” he replies, “at Yates 💪🚨💯.”

Boyas be #gettin #those #gains.

5. If he wears his Patagucci like it’s a uniform.

6. When Chad is the name and ghosting is the game.

 ✌ out.

7. If his party attitude can best be described as “hit it and quit it.”

In conclusion: don’t play yourself.

Patrick Ewing knows what’s up.

Best of luck, ladies! Stay vigilant.

Sources: giphy.com, popkey.com, free-stock-illustration.com

4E’s Weekly Horoscope

Mercury is entering retrograde. Are you ready? Find out below in 4E’s weekly horoscope.

Aries

It it is your time to shine, Aries. Although Mercury is entering retrograde, it won’t stop you in your zodiac season. This week you will embark on a treasure hunt of passion and connection. Be prepared this weekend, as the stars will align and someone special will enter your sphere of love!

Taurus

Stubborn Taurus will run into trouble this week as Mercury will create interpersonal conflict with those you most care about. Try to endure and boast your strong skills in patience. This week may not be your best but fear not — good times are on the horizon.

Every taurus rn

Gemini

Gemini, you have had a tough couple weeks, but it’s time to let loose and have some fun! Shed your nervous skin, as Mercury will usher in a new period of blooming friendships and romance for you. Keep an eye out for that special someone this Saturday!

Cancer

Sensitive moon child, it is time to let go. You have not been able to shake the past, but retrograde marks a fresh start for you. Throw away your insecurities and suspicions; they only bring negative energy. Be social, work hard and have fun this weekend. A big surprise awaits you on Friday!

Leo

I hope your bags are packed, because this week commences a journey of spiritual and physical discovery. Take time to think about the past and envision the future you desire. Your stubborn, inflexible side will be challenged as retrograde presents some complications along the way, but such is life!

Virgo

This week is all about you, Virgo! Take time for self care and personal reflection. This Thursday, you will be tempted to return to bad habits — be cautious. Your strength on Thursday will be rewarded on Saturday with a night of friendship.

Libra

Child of Venus! After months of reflection, it’s time to show everyone why you’re led by the goddess of beauty! If you’re confident and keep a positive attitude, you shall surely reap the rewards. This week’s retrograde will bring up feelings of the past. Be careful, Libra — dwelling for too long can revert all the progress you’ve made. 

Scorpio

Control is key, Scorpio. With retrograde swirling your emotions into a frenzy for the next few weeks, you will need to keep your cool. This time of chaos can be difficult for you, as it disrupts routines. Just think positively, and keep those hotheaded emotions in check! I fear an emotional blowup ahead if you cannot keep the passion to a minimum. 

Sagittarius 

Look forward to flexing those sociable skills, adventurous one! This week may be your time to shine, Sagittarius. Despite the retrograde, you stay strong in times of uncertainty. Embrace this radiating energy — others will find you irresistible, so be on the look our for similarly irresistible new partners. You will be successful in romantic endeavors. 

Capricorn

Play time is over, Capricorn! After weeks of fun, you need to bring your focus back to self-betterment. Instead of painting the town red on a night out, Netflix and chill alone instead! With the communication chaos of this week’s upcoming retrograde, try mending your most important relationship — with yourself.

Aquarius

Be ready to be tested, Aquarius! As a sociable sign, I know it’s disappointing to hear there are academic and professional challenges ahead. Don’t expect any straight A’s or pay raises — you’ll have to put in work first. Stay grounded, and study up!

Pisces

It is a bittersweet week, Pisces! The season of your sign is over. Keep note of your finances; after getting all that birthday money, you should spend it wisely. You’ve been a bit casual with your finances lately, and there’s no need to take this into the retrograde.  Keep note of any other financial opportunities this week, Pisces. 

Children of the universe, that’s all the stars have for us for now! See you next week!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, i.ytimg.com

St. Paddy’s Day Party Ideas

St. Patrick’s Day is this weekend, which means it’s one of those rare times when Georgetown students finally have some fun. There’s nothing better than putting on that one green shirt  you never wear and eating and drinking as much as you possibly can. But for those people who are tired of the traditional St. Paddy’s Day celebration, here are some ideas to spice up your party this weekend.

St. Natty’s Day

What combines St. Paddy’s Day and college more than having a party where you only drink Natty Lights? Who cares that it’s not an Irish beer? We’re in the United States anyway.

St. Fratty’s Day

Just pretend Georgetown has a large Greek life presence on campus and throw a frat party complete with beer pong, bros and backwards hats. So frat!

St. Daddy’s Day

This party can go two ways. You can throw down with everyone’s biological father or celebrate with your real ~daddy~ ;).

St. Caddy’s Day

Time to bring out the Vineyard Vines and polo shirts, and turn your Henle into Georgetown’s most lit and most exclusive country club.

St. Ratty’s Day

This one is for all the important rats in our lives. We can officially party in celebration of the Wisey’s Rat™. Chicken Madnesses for everyone!

Happy St. Paddy’s Day, Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, qrznow.com

8 Ways to Maximize St. Paddy’s Day Fun

Well Hoyas, it’s that time of year again: St. Patrick’s Day.

A day where we all come together to celebrate Irish culture, beer, the color green and, of course, the life of a great saint.

Prepare yourself using these steps and you too could have the best St. Paddy’s Day of your life.

  • Wear something green

Look through your closet. Look through your friends’ closets. Swing by TJ Maxx on your way home from yoga. Whatever you do, find something green to wear. Don’t be that one party-pooper who is not wearing green because he “doesn’t own anything green” or “couldn’t find anything.” You’ve had a whole year to prepare for this. When Saturday rolls around, those excuses just aren’t going to fly.

  • Brush up on your Saint Paddy’s Day history

Wait, who even is St. Patrick? Some random Irish dude? Something about snakes and four-leaf clovers? It’s probably been a while since you learned about St. Paddy in your second-grade CCD class. Take a few minutes to read St. Paddy’s wiki. Come Saturday, you’ll be able to bust out some knowledge that would impress even your 80-year-old Irish grandma.

  • Color your culinary palette

From green eggs and ham to green Jell-O shots, take this opportunity to add some festivity to your plate. With some green food dye and some Bailey’s, you can make anything magically delicious.

  • Work on some dance moves

You may not be able to win a World Irish Dance competition, but that shouldn’t stop you from busting some moves on the big day! Try looking up some tutorials on YouTube. You can even gather up some friends and choreograph a routine. Everybody loves a good Irish jig.

  • Practice your Irish accent

Watch a movie with Irish people in it (like the Disney Channel Original classic “The Luck of the Irish” for example). Practice your accent in front of the mirror, in front of your friends — even in front of your professors if you’re feeling bold. By the end of the week, no one will even be able to tell you’re not even a little bit Irish.

  • Set a leprechaun trap

Sort of like the mouse traps that are already under your bed, but this one might actually work! Take the necessary precautions and you too can sleep soundly knowing you won’t be the subject of any pranks, tom-foolery or practical jokes. All that s–t is for April, not March.

  • Take a chance on your luck

Go ahead! Shoot your shot! Send that risky text! St. Paddy’s day is the perfect time to see whether all that superstitious, four leaf clover, lucky charms stuff is true or not. If you’re lucky, you could end up with something way better than a pot of gold. If not, well…

  • Enjoy St. Paddy’s Day your way

As one of the greatest holidays, St. Paddy’s Day is all about having fun. On this day you can finally purge all those leftover emotions from Valentine’s Day, make the greatest spring break comeback of all time and really prep yourself for the last few weeks before summer. Whatever your plans, make sure you gather up all your friends and enjoy every second of your St. Paddy’s Day this year.  

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com

The Most Underrated Things of Our Generation

Sometimes people, places, things, my sense of humor, etc.  just don’t get the love and attention they deserve. Excluding myself, here’s a list of what I think are the most underrated things of our generation.

Fergie

What ever happened to Fergie? She didn’t go anywhere, but apparently we did. She has bangers for every occasion. Feeling emotional? “Big Girls Don’t Cry (Personal).” Feeling lit? “A Little Party Never Killed Nobody.” Feeling yourself? “Fergalicious.” Here’s to more Fergie in our lives.

Same

The Jersey Shore

The Jersey Shore is one of the cornerstones of our generation. We have so much to thank it for. GTL (that is, gym tan laundry), fist bumping, Snooki, etc. are some of the figures of our generation that this show produced. As a New Jersey native, I am offended that my state gets a bad rep from this iconic tv show when it should, in fact, get the opposite.

Greyson Chance

Remember that boy in 2010 who ~broke the internet~ and captured every tween girl’s heart when he released his rendition of Lady GaGa’s “Paparazzi”? Well, you should because it was incredible. Greyson is all grown up, but he has not left us. He has some solid music out now (perhaps not as great as his debut though) and you should all give it a listen.

Still no response

Applebee’s

You may think Applebee’s is a just some chain restaurant you drive by on the highway, but it is so much more than that. The deals here are crazy. For readers over 21, of course, Applebee’s offers a $1 specialty drink every month. Drinks have ranged from Margaritas to Long Island Iced Teas to Bahama Mamas, the current special. I think it’s time for everyone to hit their local Applebee’s.

I feel God in this *Applebee’s tonight

Lau 1

Most people don’t even know Lau 1 exists, but for those who do, you know what I am talking about. The cubicles are larger, the air is warmer and the community is stronger. The Lau 1 Regulars Club might actually be the most exclusive organization at Georgetown. AND I BELONG TO IT.  Once you go Lau 1, you never go back.

Don’t steal my cubicle

Readers, be the change I want to see in the world and start giving these things the love and attention they deserve. You won’t be sorry.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, youtube.com