4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that in truth commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

Deadliest Places on Campus: A PSA

It is a well-known fact that Georgetown is fraught with traps. Like the city that houses it, the Hilltop was designed to confuse invading armies — a common occurrence for this hallowed fortress.*

Besides the winding streets and myriad hidden halls (Robert E. Lee’s army was actually trapped trying to find a Vil B apartment), the earth itself works to wear down unfamiliar intruders and carefree visitors.

So, whether you attend Georgetown or are just dropping by, here are the deadliest places to walk on campus — these were definitely designed to maim the enemies of the Hilltop and are not just a damning reflection of Georgetown’s crippled facilities management (@JohnJDeGioia).

*The author would like to note that this information is NOT fact-checked.

The Red Brick Ruins

In the Golden Age of Georgetown, just five years hence, when giants dominated the Verizon Center and people feared the yell of “Hoya Saxa,” the ICC was a bustling center of commerce. Merchants from all across the District would flock to show off their finest wares.*

Ever since the dark reign of Julius Tyrannicus the Third (often shortened to JT3), the famed Red Square fell into ruin. Where once marketgoers could barter and feast with nary a worry, citizens must now navigate pockets of missing bricks (see below) and the occasional puddle after a strong storm.

Worse still, there’s now some weird archaeological dig taking place on Copley Lawn, not only releasing some kind of curse but also keeping students from relaxing on that verdant green.

We live in hope of a new age under King Patrick.

*The author would again like to note that this information is based on legends told to him by upperclassmen.

The Henle Crevasse

As a resident of Georgetown’s highest peak (s/o to all my Darnall babes), I am inclined to find all possible entrances to my home that avoid the infamous hill.

Upon my arrival, rumors circulated of a “secret stair” that cut through Henle and circumvented the long path to Darnall, along with the staircase that waits at the very end. I committed myself to uncover Henle’s “Northwest Passage.”

One day, on a night journey back from Healy, there lay a crossroads in my path. Right past Arrupe, there stands a gradually sloping stair that leads into Henle. Ascending the staircase, I ended up in a common outdoor area filled with terrors: An unnecessarily large cutout of Ronald Reagan, a peeking Guy Fieri and some dude smoking a cigarette surrounded me.

I ran up another set of dark stairs in a flight of fright, which led to yet another fork in the road. A path led deeper into Henle, arriving at a pitch-black tunnel. Seeing the side entrance to Darnall through the darkness, I sprinted through…

And caught my foot on this deathtrap:

The Slopes of Darnall

Alternatively, if you’re not out of shape or lazy like me, you could just go up the hill that leads straight to Epi.

But beware, traveller, for this path is still full of dangers!

Approaching the construction site, the air grows dustier, the atmosphere louder. Most terrifyingly, the path grows narrower — just a yard across. Bikes, scooters and a-holes with umbrellas will often rush past you in a series of near misses.

It is also on this path that people don’t know how to walk single file. That makes this 10 times worse:

This little monster (now covered) will catch your foot if you’re not careful. The unexpected drop really does a number on your ankle — and your attitude.

The Uneven Path to O’Donovan Hall

Below the looming shadow of Southwest Quad lies another three-footwide path of poor design. While the sidewalk on the other side of the road near VCW is much larger and better paved, it requires crossing a street with an oddly large amount of traffic.

The risk of the walk below McCarthy is rewarded by a straight-shot to Leo’s.

On the ends, however, lie two deadly snares that could really ruin your day. At the corner, the entire right side of the sidewalk near the bushes is uneven. Because of the uniform texture and color, this slope is barely noticeable.

A similar slope lies near the bench at the end of the walk.

Worst of all, this trouble leads to the greatest deception of them all: that anything in upstairs Leo’s is worth waiting for.*

*The author would like to note that he absolutely stands by this opinion and literally high-fived himself while writing that joke.

The Three Circles of He(a)ll(y)

The Devil’s Three Eyes. The Claws of Copley. DeGioia’s Teeth.

There are three pits at the very outset of the grand road to Lau, where the trash cans are and where there always seems to be some kind of delivery truck.

These holes used to be the base of three poles, which closed off the path for bikes, trucks and scooters. Now, they are simply a death trap for bikes, scooters and pedestrians.

To the unwary eye, these death pits could ruin your foot, your tire or your dignity. Of all the aforementioned traps, these are definitely the greatest existential threat to every single Hoya that goes to Lau.

Mr. DeGioia, fill in these holes.

Coda

Maybe I’m clumsy. Maybe my vision is bad. Maybe I walk like a newborn child.

OR maybe, I’m a victim of an obviously deteriorating campus.

I get it: The wonderful people at facilities have more important stuff to do like constantly fixing leaks, floods, black mold breakouts and bathroom lock-INS. BUT even covering it up with a wooden board — like how Adam Sandler covered up Cole Sprouse’s pee in “Big Daddy” — is better than letting people trip.

 

All gifs from giphy.com

Love Letter to the Witch Who Lives Under the Road Between Regents and Reiss

Dear Witch Who Lives Under The Road Between Regents and Reiss,

What’s cooking? No, literally, what you are cooking down there? There’s always this unhealthy amount of steam coming from the manhole, and I get that you have to feed your family, but I just wanted to check in. I tried understanding the construction email updates, but that requires knowing what things on campus are called. Anyway, I’m 90 percent sure they are going to close down that street sometime soon.

You sort of smell like a rusty harmonica mixed with whatever Florida smells like. Maybe add a little paprika? Oregano? The economy is doing pretty well right now; maybe you can move away from my early morning commute to bio. I don’t want to judge your family recipe, but I will call Child Protective Services if you’re secretly poisoning your children.

Or maybe you’re just a Vape God and enjoy hitting the juul, but instead of cool cucumber, it’s just the creme brulee pod. At least it smells just as bad. If that’s the case, though, I’m still concerned about you, because it looks like you’re addicted. You gotta take care of your pulmonary health, and being Thomas the Dank Engine all day is not a good look. And, heaven forbid you’re smoking that devil’s lettuce (not in my Christian neighborhood!!)??

Whatever you’re toking definitely borders on illegal.

Considering that you live between the sad, lonely uncle STEM building and the cool millennial mom STEM building, perhaps you’re just doing some strange science experiments. If that’s the case, there’s probably enough space for the entire biochemistry department down there. Usually when there’s a constant stream of gross-smelling, billowing gas coming out of a lab, that’s when you get help from your TA. Maybe try using the fume hood?

Update: I think they’re onto you: They’ve cornered you off like some biohazard, which I guess in retrospect, you could be. Whatever you do, just stay safe, witch.

Hoya Spooks-ya!

Sources: toptenz.net, 

Top 5 Disney Halloween Movies

Happy spooky season, y’all! Now that we’ve moved past the 80-degree October nights and we’re officially into sweater weather, it’s time to break out the pumpkin spice and the list of Halloween costume ideas I know you started in August (trust me, I did it too).

Besides giving college students another excuse to party excessively and dress in questionably appropriate outfits for three days (and the fact that there are now only TWO months left until Christmas), the best part about this month is the movies that come along with it. Growing up in the early 2000s means that we were all blessed with some of the greatest Halloween movies to ever exist. Now, I’m not talking about all those overrated and unreasonably gory horror movies: I’m talking about Disney! So, if you need some ideas to help you procrastinate that paper or simply something to put you in the spooky mood, here are our Top 5 Disney Halloween Movies:

5.  ‘The Haunted Mansion’

Any movie with Eddie Murphy in it automatically gets an A+ from me; I mean, have y’all seen Shrek?

4. ‘Hocus Pocus’

Who doesn’t love a classic movie about resurrection, magic and trickery?

3. ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’

This movie combines two of the greatest holidays (Halloween and Christmas), and really, there’s not much more you need in life.

2. ‘Twitches’

Finding out that you’re a witch and that you have a long-lost twin sister all in a couple of days would be enough to drive anyone crazy.

1. ‘Halloweentown’

Honestly, I don’t think this one needs any kind of explanation. Marnie Cromwell is an icon, and I aspire to be half as ballsy as she is one day. While the first movie is by far the best, I think the entire “Halloweentown” franchise deserves recognition.

 

Sources: giphy.com.

What’s Up With Mattress Toppers?

Welcome to college, where mattress toppers are one of your most important possessions. Sleep is definitely the most important thing in my life right now. I had the misfortune of having no mattress topper for the first couple weeks of school, so I got familiar with my Georgetown-supplied mattress.

I treated that mattress well, keeping it clothed with my Bed Bath & Beyond 300-thread-count twin-XL sheets, which I washed two (2) times in the first couple weeks of class. It wasn’t as kind.

Going in, my expectations were pretty low: I knew my dorm wouldn’t scream “luxury.” Yet, the inhumanity of such an unrelenting material almost seemed sacrilegious. The mattresses supplied to us by the Jesuit Order definitely did not take cura of my personalis.

I don’t blame Georgetown for such hostile living conditions. I get it: The university has better things to spend its measly budget on — like a new gym, but one that’s only for athletes.

I’m no MSBro, but I can tell you that toppers range from $10, to over $200 for some fancy “organic” ones. Don’t get me started on what “organic” mattress toppers offer that non-organic ones don’t; that can be a topic for another day. There are many options with which to top your mattress, but for those who are more basic, I applaud you. I attempted that lifestyle for a couple weeks, but my body was too frail for such exertion.

That’s why I’m in love with the concept of mattress toppers. They’re at the crossroads of necessity and luxury, much like a minifridge or that extra Kate Spade bag you bought last month. Among the plethora of mattress toppers, each one tells a story and gives insight into the student who lays on it.

After extensive interpersonal and detailed research, I’ve concluded that there is a direct correlation between mattress toppers and personality type:

No Topper:

  • Doesn’t go to class.
  • On the path toward nirvana and giving up every shred of physical attachment to this world.
  • Probably shotgunning nitro brew coffee in the shower.

1-to-2-Inch Topper:

  • Probably hasn’t washed any sheets yet.
  • In Lau studying rn.
  • Always dehydrated.

2-to-4-Inch Topper:

  • A little dramatic.
  • Hates the cold.
  • Always on an e-scooter

Over 4-Inch Topper:

  • Probably doesn’t sleep much anyway.
  • Compensating.
  • Doesn’t know how to type properly.

So, there you have it. Sleep tight, Hoyas.

 

Sources: giphy.com

The Anti-Bucket List

Happy October!

AKA, happy end of all things fresh, new and exciting. Happy death ‘n’ afterlife to all things green. And, above all else: a very happy ~midtermz~.

The magic of the welcome and/or return to the Hilltop has sizzled and has now begun its fall fizzle. The Stall Street Journal listing the scores of Things to Do in D.C. has been replaced. Your color-coded to do list fell victim to the avalanche of Stats printing mishaps. And perhaps, while the roomie wasn’t looking, you sent that dubious text you swore you’d never.

October brings spooky time, kids. In preparation, we here at 4E have put together a cautionary tale of sorts: the anti-bucket list.

The ANTI-Bucket List

Things you probably never thought you’d do at Georgetown.

But you probably have.

1. Epi at 2 p.m.: You thought you wanted a quesadilla, when really, you just wanted to relive 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday night.

2. Wisey’s Twice in the Same Day: Because while Aramark has tried its hand at faux &pizza, Sweetgreen and Falafel, Inc., Royal Jacket simply pales in comparison to the art of Wisemiller’s Deli & Grocery.

3. Lau At 3  p.m. and 3 a.m.: One paper needed to be written. And in those 12 hours, you’ve managed to share four Facebook posts, down three cups of coffee, make two friends at The Midnight Mug, artfully craft one new meme and write zero words.

4. Failed to Leave* Georgetown?: You swore this would be the year you ran to the monuments at sunrise, found all those evasive insta-friendly graffitied walls and checked those museums off your (bucket) list. Our lovely bubble was once yours for the bursting, but now it seems kind of perfect the way it is.

*AdMo at 1 a.m. does not count.

5. Left Your Laundry in the Washer for *Only* a Few Hours After Its Cycle Finished: And that was the day you become *that* person.

6. Easy Mac: Our most dependable friend. Just add water.

7. Fallen on the Red Brick Road: Did anyone see that half-stumble, half-pay-a-millisecond-visit-to-your-maker after you encountered that loose brick on N Street? At least some experiences make us grateful for modern marvels like poured concrete .

8. Paid a Lockout Fee: This one goes out to you, roommate who insists a $100 lock-change fee is a reasonable trade-off for the invitation that would automatically be extended to Freddy Krueger by leaving your apartment door unlocked.

9.“Insufficient Funds”: An inevitable reality, kindly facilitated by Chick-Fil-A and our helpless acquiescence to The Corp. But who thought it would happen this fast?

10.Made an Actual Bucket List: It’s okay, we have too.

If you found yourself thinking, “been there, done that,” we’re sorry: NSO-era you is probably frowning.

Sources: giphy.com, usnews.com

Things to Do Once You Crash on Homecoming

I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.

You can find me at any one of these locations.

If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky — we have something to look forward to!

HOMECOMING

Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little too familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.

But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.

When you see your friend at a party and go in for a hug but you both just fall down.

“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.

*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.

NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!

Food

When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:

Domino’s: (202) 342-0100

Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424

Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478

Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.

God, Jan, no one else wants donuts. You’re the only one who wants donuts.

Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.

Film & Television

Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:

Troy

Also known as three hours of shirtless men (Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom … need I say more?) prancing around in togas, doing battle/sword stuff. The highest of entertainment.

Bend it Like Beckham

Do you ever just crave a feel-good movie with inspiring messages about female empowerment, family traditions and love? This movie is soooooo underrated.

Harry Potter

Homecoming in a nutshell.

Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too) and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.

Zoey 101 (or any Nickelodeon/Disney Channel throwbacks)

Me if anyone so much as mentions the words “Tito’s and lemonade”…

These are crowd-pleasers. Need I say more?

Miscellaneous Nonsense

If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:

Hit the books.

I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.

Just lie down.

Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.

Thank you for sticking with me through this list of highly curated content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

Essential End-Of-Night Songs

Well, it looks like summer is coming to an end, which means the incoming wave of mixed emotions that comes with ~going back to school~.

I know how you must be feeling at this time. If you’re like me, you’re probably grappling with the fact that school inevitably means deadlines and applications and stress and what have you. There are just certain activities that don’t quite lie in my “personal strength” category, including (but not limited to) packing, scheduling, planning and making simple decisions in general.

But hey! Look on the bright side for once: Coming back to school also means returning to an exhilarating, debauchery-filled lifestyle that you now have the privilege of sharing with all your best friends!

And what better way to spend your last few days of summer than dreaming of all the ~great~ parties you’re gonna throw in that brand new Henle.

But beware, young ones! Party hosting is no joke! A few distinguishing factors can turn a potential rager of the century into a total lame-fest faster than you can say DJ Khaled.

Luckily, you have a full bench of experienced professionals here at 4E to advise and protect you — specifically in any aux cord-related endeavors that involve essential Georgetown party classics.

1. Mr. Brightside – The Killers

No other song in the history of humankind has ever got drunk white people more hyped than Mr. Brightside. Ever.

I have sincerely never been to a party where this song didn’t play. And I can’t say I’m mad about it.

2. Georgetown Fight Song

I don’t know a single word to the Georgetown fight song and it still bangs.

3. Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

This song is so obviously a classic that I don’t even feel the need to explain why you should play it.

4. Walmart Yodel EDM Remix – Yodeling Boy // Famous – Mason Ramsey

If at any point during the night you start to feel yourself hitting the wall, I PROMISE this song will revive you. Don’t fight it. Feel the beat. Feel the passion.

And for anyone who might mind disrespecting the musical artistry of the beloved Mason Ramsey, you can always opt to play his other best song — “Famous.”

This song is just the perfect balance between country and, like, hip. The lyrics are just so real, it breaks my heart. In a, you know, fun-loving, rager, party type of way, sort of. Sometimes, though, you just need some emotional head banging to make your night worth it.

5. Tik Tok – Ke$ha

I don’t think I have to remind anyone that stanning Ke$ha gives you not only a reason to pretend like it’s still 2009, but also to party harder than you ever would have without her. We play this song out of pure reverence for a true queen. After all, Ke$ha is the reason you could ever wake up with dirt and glitter all over yourself and call it a “look.”

But if you really want to mix it up, you can always play the Avril Lavigne acoustic cover of the song just to see how everyone in the room reacts.

(link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OahmkdWS3kQ)

6. Kiss Me Thru the Phone – Soulja Boy

It is a well-known fact that almost nothing gets a party going more than the words “soulja boy tell ‘em.”

Though some people might prefer the classic “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” I have always been a believer that “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” is a just as good, if not better song. I mean, anyone can crank that, but there’s just something about someone pulling out a flawless “678 triple 9 8212” that is just so damn impressive.

7. Thrift Shop – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

This song has not just one but three (at least) iconic lines, including but not limited to:

“Macklemore can we go thrift shopping?”

“What what what what da da da da dadaba da”

And of course,

“Walk up in the club like whaddup I gotta big c–k”

How could you pass up such poetry?

8. Whatcha Say – Jason Derulo

A healthy JaSoN dErUuLo throwback for when you get tired of listening to “Swallalala” for the millionth time.

Wait, seriously, what did she say tho?

9. Africa – Toto

A classic so great it has consistently reappeared in the top charts since the 80s. This song is the absolute best to sing at the top of your lungs with all your dearest friends.

10. Follow Me – Jamie Lynn Spears (Zoey 101 theme song)

In general, I’m usually against the notion of pretending theme songs to tween shows are real songs, but Zoey 101 is quite the exception. This is one of those songs where when it first starts playing, you might be like “aw man, come on, seriously, like, who would play this song right now dude,” but then it actually starts and you just can’t not sing along.

“Ooooh. I know ya see me standin’ here”

Plus, Chase. Am I right, ladies and gents?

11. Bring Me to life – Evanescence

So you can rock that early 2000s misunderstood, emo, goth girlfriend vibe for 3 minutes and 56 seconds before you get over it and go back to being a basic b—h.

12. All Star- Smash Mouth

someBODY once told me the WORLD is gonna roll me,

I feel like this song would never not be welcome at a Georgetown party. Also, if this song doesn’t remind you of Shrek, wyd?

13. You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift

This one’s for all of us who refuse to accept the death of Old Taylor.

Old Taylor stays reminding us of that pure and innocent optimism we all used to have about being nerdy and cute.

Not to mention that, strategically speaking, playing a Taylor Swift song is the surest way of clearing out the party so you can finally go to bed.

So good luck out there, my fellow Hoyas. And remember, please aux responsibly.

 

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, wallpaper-house.com

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

8 Underrated Animated Characters

With everyone talking about the premiere of Incredibles 2, I can’t help but wonder if it’ll beat the iconic original film. Edna Mode’s quirky yet relatable character? The memorable yet slightly overused line: “Where’s my super suit?!” Samuel L. Jackson in cartoon form? Need I say more?

Yet despite the hype of the upcoming sequel, the original Incredibles has been slept on. For 14 years. With this in mind, here are some more ~fabulous~ animated characters who have also failed to gain the recognition they deserve:

1. Kronk (Emperor’s New Groove)

Who doesn’t appreciate this friendly giant, who not only PULLS THE LEVER, but also can cook some delicious spinach puffs and fondue. Though he is a loyal evil assistant, let’s not forget the little devil and angel that appear on Kronk’s shoulders every time he faces a moral dilemma. Or his ability to communicate with animals (specifically squirrels).

Fun Fact: There’s apparently a show dedicated to Kronk called “Kronk’s New Groove”. Although I’ve never watched it, I’m glad the TV community is paying respect to the real star.

2. Shego (Kim Possible)

If you didn’t have a childhood crush on this super villain, you’re lying. Hot-tempered, sarcastic, and slightly offensive, she’s not much different than the typical SFS student who is accused of having a ‘light’ core curriculum. In addition, Shego is voiced by Nicole Sullivan, who not only was in Meet the Robinsons, but also came in second place on the show Worst Cooks in America: Celebrity Edition.

3. Gill (Finding Nemo)

Leader of the Tank Gang, Gill seems intimidating at first, but you soon come to love his integrity and the sacrifices he makes for Nemo. Also Gill means “mucus” in Polish. #TheMoreYouKnow #BilingualReaccsOnly

4. David (Lilo & Stitch)

As Nani once wrote in her diary, David not only has fancy hair, but also has a nice butt. He supports Nani despite being friendzoned multiple times AND is an amazing surfer– what more could you possibly want in a modern Disney prince?

5. Danny Phantom (Danny Phantom)

Black hair and blue eyes. Need I say more?

6. DW (Arthur)

By far, the most SAVAGE character in animated history, and she doesn’t even know how to read yet. Probably one of the most annoying sisters I’ve ever witnessed, I can’t help but laugh at all the Arthur memes that have starred her in the past year. Did you know the voice of D.W. is actually a boy? Actually, boys plural (6 male actors alternated voicing Arthur’s little sister).

7. Mushu (Mulan)

Who can forget his intro where he just magically arises from the ground in a cloud of red glittery smoke? Personally, I don’t think Mulan would be the icon she is without Mushu’s help; after all, he made her breakfast before her training session and was the best personal cheerleader of all time. Also, he’s a little lizard with fire powers. That’s pretty cool.

8. Chip Skylark (Fairly OddParents)

How can someone who sings about dental hygiene be so universally loved? 10-year-old me and current 19-year old me lives for his single gold piercing and ~swaggy~ dance moves. Let’s not forget that Chip Skylark is also secretly poor and a super humble guy. Not exactly your typical MSBro.

Alas, these are only a few of the animated characters who have long deserved the clout that has mistakenly been given to overrated characters like the Minions from Despicable Me (why are there THREE movies about them?) or the snowman from Frozen.

The members of 4E highly suggest you watch Incredibles 2, that is, if you want to stay ~cinematically cultured~.

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com