What’s Up With Mattress Toppers?

Welcome to college, where mattress toppers are one of your most important possessions. Sleep is definitely the most important thing in my life right now. I had the misfortune of having no mattress topper for the first couple weeks of school, so I got familiar with my Georgetown-supplied mattress.

I treated that mattress well, keeping it clothed with my Bed Bath & Beyond 300-thread-count twin-XL sheets, which I washed two (2) times in the first couple weeks of class. It wasn’t as kind.

Going in, my expectations were pretty low: I knew my dorm wouldn’t scream “luxury.” Yet, the inhumanity of such an unrelenting material almost seemed sacrilegious. The mattresses supplied to us by the Jesuit Order definitely did not take cura of my personalis.

I don’t blame Georgetown for such hostile living conditions. I get it: The university has better things to spend its measly budget on — like a new gym, but one that’s only for athletes.

I’m no MSBro, but I can tell you that toppers range from $10, to over $200 for some fancy “organic” ones. Don’t get me started on what “organic” mattress toppers offer that non-organic ones don’t; that can be a topic for another day. There are many options with which to top your mattress, but for those who are more basic, I applaud you. I attempted that lifestyle for a couple weeks, but my body was too frail for such exertion.

That’s why I’m in love with the concept of mattress toppers. They’re at the crossroads of necessity and luxury, much like a minifridge or that extra Kate Spade bag you bought last month. Among the plethora of mattress toppers, each one tells a story and gives insight into the student who lays on it.

After extensive interpersonal and detailed research, I’ve concluded that there is a direct correlation between mattress toppers and personality type:

No Topper:

  • Doesn’t go to class.
  • On the path toward nirvana and giving up every shred of physical attachment to this world.
  • Probably shotgunning nitro brew coffee in the shower.

1-to-2-Inch Topper:

  • Probably hasn’t washed any sheets yet.
  • In Lau studying rn.
  • Always dehydrated.

2-to-4-Inch Topper:

  • A little dramatic.
  • Hates the cold.
  • Always on an e-scooter

Over 4-Inch Topper:

  • Probably doesn’t sleep much anyway.
  • Compensating.
  • Doesn’t know how to type properly.

So, there you have it. Sleep tight, Hoyas.

 

Sources: giphy.com

The Anti-Bucket List

Happy October!

AKA, happy end of all things fresh, new and exciting. Happy death ‘n’ afterlife to all things green. And, above all else: a very happy ~midtermz~.

The magic of the welcome and/or return to the Hilltop has sizzled and has now begun its fall fizzle. The Stall Street Journal listing the scores of Things to Do in D.C. has been replaced. Your color-coded to do list fell victim to the avalanche of Stats printing mishaps. And perhaps, while the roomie wasn’t looking, you sent that dubious text you swore you’d never.

October brings spooky time, kids. In preparation, we here at 4E have put together a cautionary tale of sorts: the anti-bucket list.

The ANTI-Bucket List

Things you probably never thought you’d do at Georgetown.

But you probably have.

1. Epi at 2 p.m.: You thought you wanted a quesadilla, when really, you just wanted to relive 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday night.

2. Wisey’s Twice in the Same Day: Because while Aramark has tried its hand at faux &pizza, Sweetgreen and Falafel, Inc., Royal Jacket simply pales in comparison to the art of Wisemiller’s Deli & Grocery.

3. Lau At 3  p.m. and 3 a.m.: One paper needed to be written. And in those 12 hours, you’ve managed to share four Facebook posts, down three cups of coffee, make two friends at The Midnight Mug, artfully craft one new meme and write zero words.

4. Failed to Leave* Georgetown?: You swore this would be the year you ran to the monuments at sunrise, found all those evasive insta-friendly graffitied walls and checked those museums off your (bucket) list. Our lovely bubble was once yours for the bursting, but now it seems kind of perfect the way it is.

*AdMo at 1 a.m. does not count.

5. Left Your Laundry in the Washer for *Only* a Few Hours After Its Cycle Finished: And that was the day you become *that* person.

6. Easy Mac: Our most dependable friend. Just add water.

7. Fallen on the Red Brick Road: Did anyone see that half-stumble, half-pay-a-millisecond-visit-to-your-maker after you encountered that loose brick on N Street? At least some experiences make us grateful for modern marvels like poured concrete .

8. Paid a Lockout Fee: This one goes out to you, roommate who insists a $100 lock-change fee is a reasonable trade-off for the invitation that would automatically be extended to Freddy Krueger by leaving your apartment door unlocked.

9.“Insufficient Funds”: An inevitable reality, kindly facilitated by Chick-Fil-A and our helpless acquiescence to The Corp. But who thought it would happen this fast?

10.Made an Actual Bucket List: It’s okay, we have too.

If you found yourself thinking, “been there, done that,” we’re sorry: NSO-era you is probably frowning.

Sources: giphy.com, usnews.com

Things to Do Once You Crash on Homecoming

I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.

You can find me at any one of these locations.

If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky — we have something to look forward to!

HOMECOMING

Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little too familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.

But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.

When you see your friend at a party and go in for a hug but you both just fall down.

“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.

*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.

NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!

Food

When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:

Domino’s: (202) 342-0100

Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424

Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478

Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.

God, Jan, no one else wants donuts. You’re the only one who wants donuts.

Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.

Film & Television

Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:

Troy

Also known as three hours of shirtless men (Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom … need I say more?) prancing around in togas, doing battle/sword stuff. The highest of entertainment.

Bend it Like Beckham

Do you ever just crave a feel-good movie with inspiring messages about female empowerment, family traditions and love? This movie is soooooo underrated.

Harry Potter

Homecoming in a nutshell.

Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too) and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.

Zoey 101 (or any Nickelodeon/Disney Channel throwbacks)

Me if anyone so much as mentions the words “Tito’s and lemonade”…

These are crowd-pleasers. Need I say more?

Miscellaneous Nonsense

If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:

Hit the books.

I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.

Just lie down.

Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.

Thank you for sticking with me through this list of highly curated content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

Essential End-Of-Night Songs

Well, it looks like summer is coming to an end, which means the incoming wave of mixed emotions that comes with ~going back to school~.

I know how you must be feeling at this time. If you’re like me, you’re probably grappling with the fact that school inevitably means deadlines and applications and stress and what have you. There are just certain activities that don’t quite lie in my “personal strength” category, including (but not limited to) packing, scheduling, planning and making simple decisions in general.

But hey! Look on the bright side for once: Coming back to school also means returning to an exhilarating, debauchery-filled lifestyle that you now have the privilege of sharing with all your best friends!

And what better way to spend your last few days of summer than dreaming of all the ~great~ parties you’re gonna throw in that brand new Henle.

But beware, young ones! Party hosting is no joke! A few distinguishing factors can turn a potential rager of the century into a total lame-fest faster than you can say DJ Khaled.

Luckily, you have a full bench of experienced professionals here at 4E to advise and protect you — specifically in any aux cord-related endeavors that involve essential Georgetown party classics.

1. Mr. Brightside – The Killers

No other song in the history of humankind has ever got drunk white people more hyped than Mr. Brightside. Ever.

I have sincerely never been to a party where this song didn’t play. And I can’t say I’m mad about it.

2. Georgetown Fight Song

I don’t know a single word to the Georgetown fight song and it still bangs.

3. Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

This song is so obviously a classic that I don’t even feel the need to explain why you should play it.

4. Walmart Yodel EDM Remix – Yodeling Boy // Famous – Mason Ramsey

If at any point during the night you start to feel yourself hitting the wall, I PROMISE this song will revive you. Don’t fight it. Feel the beat. Feel the passion.

And for anyone who might mind disrespecting the musical artistry of the beloved Mason Ramsey, you can always opt to play his other best song — “Famous.”

This song is just the perfect balance between country and, like, hip. The lyrics are just so real, it breaks my heart. In a, you know, fun-loving, rager, party type of way, sort of. Sometimes, though, you just need some emotional head banging to make your night worth it.

5. Tik Tok – Ke$ha

I don’t think I have to remind anyone that stanning Ke$ha gives you not only a reason to pretend like it’s still 2009, but also to party harder than you ever would have without her. We play this song out of pure reverence for a true queen. After all, Ke$ha is the reason you could ever wake up with dirt and glitter all over yourself and call it a “look.”

But if you really want to mix it up, you can always play the Avril Lavigne acoustic cover of the song just to see how everyone in the room reacts.

(link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OahmkdWS3kQ)

6. Kiss Me Thru the Phone – Soulja Boy

It is a well-known fact that almost nothing gets a party going more than the words “soulja boy tell ‘em.”

Though some people might prefer the classic “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” I have always been a believer that “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” is a just as good, if not better song. I mean, anyone can crank that, but there’s just something about someone pulling out a flawless “678 triple 9 8212” that is just so damn impressive.

7. Thrift Shop – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

This song has not just one but three (at least) iconic lines, including but not limited to:

“Macklemore can we go thrift shopping?”

“What what what what da da da da dadaba da”

And of course,

“Walk up in the club like whaddup I gotta big c–k”

How could you pass up such poetry?

8. Whatcha Say – Jason Derulo

A healthy JaSoN dErUuLo throwback for when you get tired of listening to “Swallalala” for the millionth time.

Wait, seriously, what did she say tho?

9. Africa – Toto

A classic so great it has consistently reappeared in the top charts since the 80s. This song is the absolute best to sing at the top of your lungs with all your dearest friends.

10. Follow Me – Jamie Lynn Spears (Zoey 101 theme song)

In general, I’m usually against the notion of pretending theme songs to tween shows are real songs, but Zoey 101 is quite the exception. This is one of those songs where when it first starts playing, you might be like “aw man, come on, seriously, like, who would play this song right now dude,” but then it actually starts and you just can’t not sing along.

“Ooooh. I know ya see me standin’ here”

Plus, Chase. Am I right, ladies and gents?

11. Bring Me to life – Evanescence

So you can rock that early 2000s misunderstood, emo, goth girlfriend vibe for 3 minutes and 56 seconds before you get over it and go back to being a basic b—h.

12. All Star- Smash Mouth

someBODY once told me the WORLD is gonna roll me,

I feel like this song would never not be welcome at a Georgetown party. Also, if this song doesn’t remind you of Shrek, wyd?

13. You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift

This one’s for all of us who refuse to accept the death of Old Taylor.

Old Taylor stays reminding us of that pure and innocent optimism we all used to have about being nerdy and cute.

Not to mention that, strategically speaking, playing a Taylor Swift song is the surest way of clearing out the party so you can finally go to bed.

So good luck out there, my fellow Hoyas. And remember, please aux responsibly.

 

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, wallpaper-house.com

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

8 Underrated Animated Characters

With everyone talking about the premiere of Incredibles 2, I can’t help but wonder if it’ll beat the iconic original film. Edna Mode’s quirky yet relatable character? The memorable yet slightly overused line: “Where’s my super suit?!” Samuel L. Jackson in cartoon form? Need I say more?

Yet despite the hype of the upcoming sequel, the original Incredibles has been slept on. For 14 years. With this in mind, here are some more ~fabulous~ animated characters who have also failed to gain the recognition they deserve:

1. Kronk (Emperor’s New Groove)

Who doesn’t appreciate this friendly giant, who not only PULLS THE LEVER, but also can cook some delicious spinach puffs and fondue. Though he is a loyal evil assistant, let’s not forget the little devil and angel that appear on Kronk’s shoulders every time he faces a moral dilemma. Or his ability to communicate with animals (specifically squirrels).

Fun Fact: There’s apparently a show dedicated to Kronk called “Kronk’s New Groove”. Although I’ve never watched it, I’m glad the TV community is paying respect to the real star.

2. Shego (Kim Possible)

If you didn’t have a childhood crush on this super villain, you’re lying. Hot-tempered, sarcastic, and slightly offensive, she’s not much different than the typical SFS student who is accused of having a ‘light’ core curriculum. In addition, Shego is voiced by Nicole Sullivan, who not only was in Meet the Robinsons, but also came in second place on the show Worst Cooks in America: Celebrity Edition.

3. Gill (Finding Nemo)

Leader of the Tank Gang, Gill seems intimidating at first, but you soon come to love his integrity and the sacrifices he makes for Nemo. Also Gill means “mucus” in Polish. #TheMoreYouKnow #BilingualReaccsOnly

4. David (Lilo & Stitch)

As Nani once wrote in her diary, David not only has fancy hair, but also has a nice butt. He supports Nani despite being friendzoned multiple times AND is an amazing surfer– what more could you possibly want in a modern Disney prince?

5. Danny Phantom (Danny Phantom)

Black hair and blue eyes. Need I say more?

6. DW (Arthur)

By far, the most SAVAGE character in animated history, and she doesn’t even know how to read yet. Probably one of the most annoying sisters I’ve ever witnessed, I can’t help but laugh at all the Arthur memes that have starred her in the past year. Did you know the voice of D.W. is actually a boy? Actually, boys plural (6 male actors alternated voicing Arthur’s little sister).

7. Mushu (Mulan)

Who can forget his intro where he just magically arises from the ground in a cloud of red glittery smoke? Personally, I don’t think Mulan would be the icon she is without Mushu’s help; after all, he made her breakfast before her training session and was the best personal cheerleader of all time. Also, he’s a little lizard with fire powers. That’s pretty cool.

8. Chip Skylark (Fairly OddParents)

How can someone who sings about dental hygiene be so universally loved? 10-year-old me and current 19-year old me lives for his single gold piercing and ~swaggy~ dance moves. Let’s not forget that Chip Skylark is also secretly poor and a super humble guy. Not exactly your typical MSBro.

Alas, these are only a few of the animated characters who have long deserved the clout that has mistakenly been given to overrated characters like the Minions from Despicable Me (why are there THREE movies about them?) or the snowman from Frozen.

The members of 4E highly suggest you watch Incredibles 2, that is, if you want to stay ~cinematically cultured~.

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

A Guide to Move-Out Day

You are DONE. Finally. This finals season was the worst one in recent memory, but don’t get too comfortable just yet: You still have Move-Out Day. Though not quite as bad as the infamous Move-In Day, it’s still pretty unpleasant. So whether you’re bidding farewell to Harbin or Henle, 4E has got you covered with a step-by-step guide on what to do to make moving out a little less stressful.

1. Hide the Evidence

We know it’s been a while since you’ve interacted with them, but remember, your parents still think you go to Dahlgren Chapel on Sundays — and I am willing to bet that the current state of your room does not lend much support to that idea. So, before your beloved mom and/or dad show up to kindly help you move out, be sure to dispose of all remaining alcohol containers, “controversial” posters and anything you may have acquired from the H*yas for Choice table throughout the year. Move-Out Day is stressful enough as is; don’t make it any worse by having to awkwardly explain to your parents what a “Juul” is and why you currently have one sitting on your desk.

2. Attempt to Clean

Look around: You’ve been living in a literal cesspool for months. Forget romaine lettuce; it’s honestly a miracle that this place didn’t kill you. Every surface is inexplicably sticky. Your floor is covered in crushed Utz chips, empty Chick-Fil-A sauce cups and the remains of that Wingo’s order you dropped on Georgetown Day. At some point during the year, your trashcan became an amorphous “trash corner,” and now you’re really paying the price. Grab some Lysol wipes, rent a vacuum from the nearest RHO and get to work. We all know it won’t really make that much of a difference, but we also know that University President John J. DeGioia isn’t going to spend any of his Tulip money on tackling the campus rodent problem this summer, so a few minutes of tidying up is the least you can do for the sake of next year’s residents.

3. “Pack”

By “pack,” we really mean lie down on your bed and scroll through Instagram while your roommate or mom does most of the work involved in actually packing. If you have a minute to spare between figuring out what’s been going on with the whole Khloe/Tristan situation and getting caught up on whatever that Walmart-yodeling kid is doing these days, you can maybe put some folders in a box or throw some clothes into a backpack. These damn millennials! Lol amirite @EveryoneOverTheAgeofForty?? #lol #juul #relatable #PleasePayMeToWriteAnOpEdAboutThisHipTopic

4. Stress-Cry and/or Get Into an Argument With Your Mom

This is inevitable. Tensions are running high. No one involved in this process is in a good state of mind. You’re exhausted from having to take that “Problem of God” final, and your mom is exhausted from having to put up with you for the past two decades. Something as simple as taking the sheets off your bed or looking for a missing shoe can quickly escalate into complete pandemonium. Godspeed.

5. Say Goodbye

Even though your living space was absolutely disgusting, and you spent the last two weeks exclusively stress-crying in this place, it’s still sad to look around and see it look so empty. You had some good times in [insert residence hall name here]. So, goodbye, rats! Goodbye, black mold! Goodbye, neighbors who blared their terrible “Mr. Brightside”-themed playlist on a never-ending loop for an entire semester. You will be missed.

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, housingwire.com

Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

The Very Best of D.C. TV

Get #hype, Hoyas, because Hollywood is coming to Georgetown! Kind of.

On April 17th, Joshua Malina and Bradley Whitford, former stars of the television classic The West Wing, will be making an appearance in Gaston Hall to record a podcast about what it was like to work with someone as handsome as Rob Lowe on the set of an ~iconic~ political drama. For many of you, I know this is a BFD (s/o Joe Biden) because Josh Lyman was, like, 90% of the reason you decided to pursue a PoliSci degree.  For those of you who are less familiar, The West Wing was that show you had to watch in high school when your AP Gov teacher didn’t feel like doing a real class that day. So whether you’re old a longtime fan or a relative newcomer, it’s sure to be a good time and you should definitely stop by!

And in the meantime, we thought this would be the perfect opportunity to review the very best of what D.C.-themed television has to offer. Look no further for an insightful and comprehensive guide to the pros and cons of the shows that qualify as true #DCTV.

Bonus: Watching any of the following shows is a great way to pretend like you’ve  left the Georgetown Bubble this semester without all the inconvenience of actually figuring out how to use the Metro!

Me, trying to blend in when I venture beyond the corner of M and Wisconsin

 

The West Wing (1999-2005)

Pros:

  • Allows us to believe that extremely beautiful and smart people like Rob Lowe and Allison Janney would willingly choose to live in D.C. and work for a government salary. Optimistic!
God I miss the 90s
  • The West Wing on The West Wing is lead by a rational, intelligent, and not-morally-bankrupt President. Martin Sheen does not attempt to build a wall or have an affair with an adult film actress at any point in this show. Wholesome!
  • The President’s daughter (Elisabeth Moss) is a Hoya. They even film a graduation scene on campus at one point. Fun!

Cons:

  • Show creator and head writer Aaron Sorkin went to Syracuse. Yikes…
  • Has apparently convinced a generation of Georgetown undergrads that they physically and/or intellectually resemble Rob Lowe’s character. Inaccurate!
When some guy compares himself to Sam Seaborn

Scandal (2012-2018)

Pros:

  • Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) attended Georgetown Law!
  • Makes working in D.C. seem cool and sexy, rather than sweaty and soul-crushing.
D.C. every day from May through September. Also, every class I’ve ever had in Walsh.
  • Brenda Song was a character on the show for a hot minute
  • Shonda Rhimes. Enough said.

Cons:

  • If I ever saw someone even half as beautiful or stylish as Kerry Washington walking around D.C., I would go into cardiac arrest. Extremely misleading portrayal of life here.
When some girl compares herself to Olivia Pope
  • The camera-snapping noise that plays between scenes. Irritating.
  • A lot of crossover between Grey’s Anatomy characters. Distracting. What is Meredith’s dad doing in the White House??

House of Cards (2013- present)

Pros:

  • Robin Wright. Nothing but respect for MY President.
When the professor finally tells that guy in your discussion section who claims to read The Economist and prefaces all his sentences with phrases like “just to play Devil’s Advocate here…” that he needs to stop talking and give other people a chance
  • That scene where Kate Mara gets pushed in front of the Metro is my primary reason for spending so much money on Ubers. Thanks for letting me justify my laziness by citing safety concerns!

Cons:

  • Kevin Spacey. Gross. Wya, Christopher Plummer??
@netflix, make the final season a musical while you’re at it #HireJulieAndrewsToo
  • Depressing and dark content. But not in a fun, Black Mirror way.
  • No important characters attended Georgetown. Sad!

Madam Secretary (2014- present)

Pros:

  • I have never actually seen this show, but the Wikipedia page is very  informative.
  • The husband of the main character (Madam Secretary) teaches at Georgetown! I am now picturing him as a Kroenig lookalike. Please let me know if this is accurate.

Cons:

  • When I started writing this article I guess I thought that Madam Secretary and The Good Wife were the same thing, and I was only going to write about it because I remembered that Big from Sex and the City is the main character’s husband on The Good Wife. I was very disappointed to find out that I confused the plots of these two vaguely-Hillary-Clinton-inspired TV dramas. Big from Sex and the City has yet to make an appearance on this show. Poor casting choice.
Me, upon realizing Madam Secretary’s husband is actually portrayed by someone named Tim Daly

Veep (2012- present)

  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Iconic actress, amazing human being, and one of the rare women who could actually pull off a perm back in the day.
  • Buster from Arrested Development. 
Me, any time Tony Hale is on screen
  • Mean, but in a witty and fun way. It’s like The Office, but if all the characters were as comically narcissistic and rude as Jim. (See: my future article on how Jim Halpert is actually a terrible person).

Cons:

  • Need an HBO account to watch it. Fellow Hoyas, please help a girl out and email 4E with your account password ASAP. I promise I need it for article research purposes and not just to binge watch Sex and the City.
  • One time on a plane I tried to watch an episode over the shoulder of the guy sitting next to me. He saw me and turned the screen away. If you’re reading this, rude stranger, please email 4E with a formal apology. I had clearly forgotten to bring my own earbuds, the GoGo internet access didn’t work, and that flight was like five hours long. You could have shown some compassion.
Dramatic reenactment of me and the rude Veep fan

So there you have it, Hoyas. A complete and objective guide to television shows about ~The District~. Coming up next week: a guide to the very best of New York-themed TV (Spoiler: Sex and the City is featured very prominently). 

Gif/Photo Source: giphy.com, pinterest.com

Queer Eye: Beyond Reality TV

Listen up people — there’s a new show in town. Out of all of the quasi-reality television that we have proudly consumed in our lifetimes, “Queer Eye has been the most earth-shattering, jaw-dropping, mind-blowing, uplifting, barrier-crossing, awe-inspiring thing that we here at 4E have ever seen.

If you’re looking for some politically-conscious-yet-mindless-content, this is the show for you.

Ever wondered what would happen if five gay men traveled around Georgia (that’s the state, @SFSers) fixing ~sadbois~?

The answer is glorious. This show has everything: makeovers, drama, love, friendship, tears, wine and even redneck margaritas.

In all seriousness, “Queer Eye” aims to cross the political, racial, and social boundaries that have been dividing our country as of late.

Before you start watching, let us tell you how, why, and to what extent the “Fab 5” will change your life.

1. Karamo: “Culture Expert”/Life Coach

In addition to being impeccably groomed, Karamo gives you all the tools you need to reach inside yourself, find that inner worth and show it to the world #LetThatLittleLightShine.

Karamo was a social worker for 10 years, serving LGBTQ youth throughout the South. Now he is helping out an equally needy and oft-overlooked population: sad, aging men.

This man is the soul of the show. Karamo is always there at the pivotal moments, ensuring that the men have been made over, both inside and out.

Favorite Moment: Episode 3, “Dega Don’t”

Karamo and Cory’s drive back from Atlanta. You’ll understand once you see it.

2. Bobby: “Design Expert”/Home Improvement Wizard

An underappreciated talent, Bobby takes the sadbois’ dingy mancaves and transforms them into livable, ~lit~ homes. He’s constantly on the go, perfecting spaces in a blur of hot pink shorts and dazzling platinum hair.

Watch as he reduces grown men to tears with the mere words “marble countertop.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 5, “Camp Rules”

Bobby’s gardening sesh with Bobby Camp: the seeds of a beautiful friendship are sown.

3. Jonathan: “Grooming Expert”/Yass Kween

The fan favorite of QE, Jonathan’s starring turn as the show’s beauty guru has already led to the creation of a whole new lexicon of iconic sayings, including “Can you believe?” and “Strugs to func.”

Jonathan embraces everyone’s beauty, turning ugly ducklings into majestic, sexy, well-groomed swans.

We cannot get enough of this man. Please, please adopt us.

Favorite Moment: ALL OF THEM!

There are literally so many, we could not choose just one favorite moment.

4. Tan: “Fashion Expert”/Patterned Shirt Aficionado

Tan is the ultimate sweetheart. Though he is, without a doubt, a fashion expert, Tan knows that the key to style is feeling good about yourself inside and out. This quote says it all: “Style is not fashion. Fashion is not trendy after a season. I couldn’t give a sh*t about fashion. Style is dressing the way that you feel confident, and what is appropriate for you, your age [and] body type.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 2, “Saving Sasquatch”

The moment when Tan and Neal bond over their cultural similarities.

5. Antoni: “Food & Wine Expert”/Eye Candy

Ugh, where to start? Antoni is living proof that you can cook up a mean grilled cheese for one and still be bougie af #CollegeInspiration.

Not to mention: I really didn’t think that “supreming” a grapefruit could be sexy but alas, I was wrong.

By the end of the season, we think you’ll agree that Antoni’s feelings about avocados = OUR feelings about him ;).

Favorite Moment: Episode 6, “The Renaissance of Remington”

Antoni making mac n’ cheese with Remy’s mom will make your heart melt like a hunk of cheddar on a hot griddle. This boy knows how to woo a mama.

*swoons*

Now that you’ve met the Fab 5, we hope you take their advice to heart and become the best you that you can be. “Queer Eye” is the show of a modern America, one nation under Fab, all together.

 Whether you’re black, white, straight, gay, or however you identify, “Queer Eye” is here for us all.

So what are you waiting for? Pretend to sexile your roommate, snuggle up under those blankies, open Netflix, and start watching.

*curtsies*

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, netflix.com,