4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that in truth commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

Things to Do Once You Crash on Homecoming

I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.

You can find me at any one of these locations.

If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky — we have something to look forward to!

HOMECOMING

Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little too familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.

But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.

When you see your friend at a party and go in for a hug but you both just fall down.

“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.

*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.

NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!

Food

When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:

Domino’s: (202) 342-0100

Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424

Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478

Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.

God, Jan, no one else wants donuts. You’re the only one who wants donuts.

Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.

Film & Television

Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:

Troy

Also known as three hours of shirtless men (Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom … need I say more?) prancing around in togas, doing battle/sword stuff. The highest of entertainment.

Bend it Like Beckham

Do you ever just crave a feel-good movie with inspiring messages about female empowerment, family traditions and love? This movie is soooooo underrated.

Harry Potter

Homecoming in a nutshell.

Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too) and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.

Zoey 101 (or any Nickelodeon/Disney Channel throwbacks)

Me if anyone so much as mentions the words “Tito’s and lemonade”…

These are crowd-pleasers. Need I say more?

Miscellaneous Nonsense

If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:

Hit the books.

I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.

Just lie down.

Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.

Thank you for sticking with me through this list of highly curated content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

Queer Eye: Beyond Reality TV

Listen up people — there’s a new show in town. Out of all of the quasi-reality television that we have proudly consumed in our lifetimes, “Queer Eye has been the most earth-shattering, jaw-dropping, mind-blowing, uplifting, barrier-crossing, awe-inspiring thing that we here at 4E have ever seen.

If you’re looking for some politically-conscious-yet-mindless-content, this is the show for you.

Ever wondered what would happen if five gay men traveled around Georgia (that’s the state, @SFSers) fixing ~sadbois~?

The answer is glorious. This show has everything: makeovers, drama, love, friendship, tears, wine and even redneck margaritas.

In all seriousness, “Queer Eye” aims to cross the political, racial, and social boundaries that have been dividing our country as of late.

Before you start watching, let us tell you how, why, and to what extent the “Fab 5” will change your life.

1. Karamo: “Culture Expert”/Life Coach

In addition to being impeccably groomed, Karamo gives you all the tools you need to reach inside yourself, find that inner worth and show it to the world #LetThatLittleLightShine.

Karamo was a social worker for 10 years, serving LGBTQ youth throughout the South. Now he is helping out an equally needy and oft-overlooked population: sad, aging men.

This man is the soul of the show. Karamo is always there at the pivotal moments, ensuring that the men have been made over, both inside and out.

Favorite Moment: Episode 3, “Dega Don’t”

Karamo and Cory’s drive back from Atlanta. You’ll understand once you see it.

2. Bobby: “Design Expert”/Home Improvement Wizard

An underappreciated talent, Bobby takes the sadbois’ dingy mancaves and transforms them into livable, ~lit~ homes. He’s constantly on the go, perfecting spaces in a blur of hot pink shorts and dazzling platinum hair.

Watch as he reduces grown men to tears with the mere words “marble countertop.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 5, “Camp Rules”

Bobby’s gardening sesh with Bobby Camp: the seeds of a beautiful friendship are sown.

3. Jonathan: “Grooming Expert”/Yass Kween

The fan favorite of QE, Jonathan’s starring turn as the show’s beauty guru has already led to the creation of a whole new lexicon of iconic sayings, including “Can you believe?” and “Strugs to func.”

Jonathan embraces everyone’s beauty, turning ugly ducklings into majestic, sexy, well-groomed swans.

We cannot get enough of this man. Please, please adopt us.

Favorite Moment: ALL OF THEM!

There are literally so many, we could not choose just one favorite moment.

4. Tan: “Fashion Expert”/Patterned Shirt Aficionado

Tan is the ultimate sweetheart. Though he is, without a doubt, a fashion expert, Tan knows that the key to style is feeling good about yourself inside and out. This quote says it all: “Style is not fashion. Fashion is not trendy after a season. I couldn’t give a sh*t about fashion. Style is dressing the way that you feel confident, and what is appropriate for you, your age [and] body type.”

Favorite Moment: Episode 2, “Saving Sasquatch”

The moment when Tan and Neal bond over their cultural similarities.

5. Antoni: “Food & Wine Expert”/Eye Candy

Ugh, where to start? Antoni is living proof that you can cook up a mean grilled cheese for one and still be bougie af #CollegeInspiration.

Not to mention: I really didn’t think that “supreming” a grapefruit could be sexy but alas, I was wrong.

By the end of the season, we think you’ll agree that Antoni’s feelings about avocados = OUR feelings about him ;).

Favorite Moment: Episode 6, “The Renaissance of Remington”

Antoni making mac n’ cheese with Remy’s mom will make your heart melt like a hunk of cheddar on a hot griddle. This boy knows how to woo a mama.

*swoons*

Now that you’ve met the Fab 5, we hope you take their advice to heart and become the best you that you can be. “Queer Eye” is the show of a modern America, one nation under Fab, all together.

 Whether you’re black, white, straight, gay, or however you identify, “Queer Eye” is here for us all.

So what are you waiting for? Pretend to sexile your roommate, snuggle up under those blankies, open Netflix, and start watching.

*curtsies*

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, netflix.com, 

Georgetown Is Getting a New Beer Hall!

Finally, some good news that doesn’t involve rats in our favorite dining establishments nor our dilapidated on-campus housing is gracing our school. The Georgetown neighborhood is getting a brand-new bar in the form of Church Hall, which is slated to open at 1070 Wisconsin Ave NW this Friday!

Though Piano Bar, Chi Di and The Tombs have all had their fair shares of the limelight, we’ve all truly been craving a new spot in our Georgetown bubble. And while there are other similar establishments around D.C. like Penn Social, Church Hall, which is a Penn Quarter hangout spot from the same proprietors as Penn Social, promises to be a special place, and 4E is here to tell you why.

  1. Monday to Friday 4 to 7 p.m. happy hours. Sounds really happy to me! With essentially all drafts, wines, and rail drinks for $2, this place is giving Mai Thai a run for its money on their delicious yet probably overpriced pitchers.

    4 to 7***
  2. Gin and tonic. On draft. They say G&Ts are an acquired taste, and I feel like if they’re on draft I just may acquire a taste for them.
  3. Boozy slushies. Need I say more?
  4. 28 Beers on draft. Even all of the craft beer snobs should be able to find something that suits their taste at this place. And if not, the beers rotate regularly, so there will surely be an opportunity for everyone.
  5. A prime location near M Street.  Within the bubble, there aren’t too many options for going out. Without having to trek to AdMo or U Street, we like the idea of another option nearby campus.
  6. An opportunity to relive study abroad. For all those who attended Oktoberfest or Springfest, you know how satisfying lederhosen and a stein of your favorite brew can be. We just needed the right atmosphere to relive this memory.
  7. Another option. Because sometimes, you just get tired of the weekly Tombs-ChiDi-AdMo rotation.

See those of you (21+, of course) there!

Photos/GIFS: giphy.com, chicagofoodmagazine.com

Who Goes to What Corp Location

There’s nothing Georgetown students love to hate more than The Corp. Yet sometimes, when Leo’s just doesn’t cut it, even the most anti-establishment SFSers will succumb to their consumerist urges and support the capitalist temptress that is The Corp — those apple cinnamon muffins are just too good. But there are some of us whose Flex Dollar accounts seemingly runneth over and, thus, frequent Corp storefronts more than others. To anyone still stinging from their freshman fall Corp rejection, this one’s for you.

Hilltoss

Hilltoss — the bougie student’s Crop Chop and the lazy student’s Sweetgreen. While some of us may balk at the prices — $12 for a salad the size of my palm?— the cost is no problem for your international friend whose parents are either diplomats or “international businessmen” (aka CIA operatives). This Moncler-sporting expat summers in the south of France, skis in the winters at their chalet in Switzerland and is way overdressed for your 9 a.m. “Problem of God” class. They like Hilltoss because it’s sooo much less processed than the rest of the food in the United States; after their refreshing, organic salad they are known to enjoy a cigarette break outside the HFSC.

This ~citizen of the world~ can find kinship in the laptop-sticker-loving social justice warrior waiting behind them in line. Likely a JUPS or WGST major, this person hails from Long Island or a wealthy Jersey suburb, probably spells their name weirdly — you’re not fooling anyone, Maddisynne — and used to love infinity signs and WeHeartIt but now has deleted all social media so they can be more “in touch with nature.” Though the rest of us may term them “granola,” they prefer to be called “sustainable” or “ecological.”

Uncommon Grounds

This artsy coffee snob was definitely deciding between Wesleyan, NYU, and Georgetown. They have a Crosley record player and listen exclusively to the Velvet Underground and Nirvana. UG is the perfect place for them to drink some ~real~ coffee while journaling or writing poetry in their Moleskine. Something about the album cover wall art and deliberately disheveled decor really gets their creative juices flowing and the “accidental” coffee rings on their papers make them feel authentic.

MUG

This ICC holy grail serves students of all kinds, from all backgrounds and in all schools, but there is one they serve the most — the over-caffeinated SFSer who just has SO MANY core requirements, three State Department internships at once, is learning their fifth language and really wants you to know they’re in the SFS and that their workload is harder than yours. One of the few breeds on campus able to navigate the labyrinth of the ICC, this student can often be seen running from “Map of the Modern World” to Arabic with a Corp coffee cup in hand. The best course of action is to get out of their way and get them their coffee as fast as possible — they’re in the SFS after all, so they need it more than you.

Hoya Snaxa

Most people who enter this glorified broom cupboard are under some sort of influence, be it exhaustion, alcohol or some other ~controlled~ substance. It takes a lot for someone to willingly shove themselves into a closet stuffed to the brim with likely expired drugstore candy and very few do so completely sober. The typical Snaxa-goer is a Southwest Quad sophomore looking for a lighter and some Cheetos to aid in their cannabis-related endeavors. They probably are in Ultimate Frisbee and are majoring in Econ or OPIM. This classic Hoya bro is definitely sporting head-to-toe Georgetown athletic gear despite not having been on a sports team since 10th grade — unless FIFA counts.

Midnight Mug

This person is that friend who never goes to lecture, writes papers drunk and still manages to make the Dean’s List. Whatever they lack in work ethic they make up for with determination, nerve and coffee. This highly caffeinated Hoya is an avid Redditor, with a taste in memes you don’t understand and a passion for conspiracy theories like, “Jack the Bulldog is actually a robotic surveillance device deployed by the Soviets during the Cold War, and that’s why you can never pet him.”  You can find this person on Lau 2 at 11 p.m. the night before an essay they haven’t started is due, watching “Illuminati Confirmed” videos.

Vital Vittles

Nearly everyone goes to Vittles, but none more so than the sleep-deprived MSBro — or, I’m told, people getting ready to throw a Henle rager. Desperately in need of some Nutella or Red Bull to patch their life back together after scrolling through Facebook videos instead of studying for three hours, what this person really needs is a hug. Yet, all they get is a giant pack of oddly flavored potato chips they didn’t want because Vittles was out of what they really wanted.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, thecorp.org

Making The Best Of The Worst: Burnett’s Edition

You’ve just awoken on a Saturday morning from a night you care not to remember. You head downstairs to your kitchen, and lo and behold, someone left you some ~gifts~ you didn’t expect — Burnett’s, your favorite pal!

Beyond excited to have ended up with only the best and most delicious drink to grace our campus, you suddenly realize it’s not what you expected. You got the reject flavors.

While Burnett’s is known for creating wild nights, but it should be more well-known for some of the ridiculous flavors the people who want to end Earth as we know it its creators have chosen to produce over the years.

Those flops are unfortunately the ones your oh-so-generous friends left behind for you, but all is not lost! 4E is here to help you make the best of the worst and give you suggestions on how to keep the debauchery going.

Here’s our advice on how to consume:

  • Cucumber Lime. It’s Corona and Lime for a reason. Nobody ever asked for this. Cucumber and lime classically go with gin, so this is just a meager, failed attempt to reinvent the laws of mixology. If you’ve ever smelled the stench from a stinkbug, it’s not so different from the way this flavor smells.  Unfortunately, the only way to use this up is by covering up the taste in some sort of extreme jungle juice, where you can almost mask the flavor in your sorrows the taste of off-brand soda and random alcohols you found in the back of your fridge.

  • Maple Syrup. Aunt Jemima didn’t die for your sins so you could disrespect her delicious syrup by infusing it into an off-brand vodka. To be honest, this is like the Mrs. Butterworth’s of vodka: You simply are conditioned from birth to look down upon it and anyone that consumes it. If you’re ever ~low~ enough to actually buy this, you’ve hit rock bottom. However, this flavor is golden for a boozy brunch. Pour some into your syrup to get things started up for Homecoming or Georgetown Day — the more, the merrier.
  • Pumpkin Spice. It may be ~PSL SZN~, but that by no means justifies this atrocious flavor. There are some things that simply don’t go together, and pumpkin and vodka happen to be two of these things.  If you ~need~ to find a way to rid yourself of pumpkin spice Burnett’s, there is only one way — mix it with other alcohol. Since it’s such a unique flavor, no sodas or other traditional chasers are going to work, so mix equal parts Burnett’s and Rumchata or Baileys, depending on your preference. Serve chilled as shots or a festive cocktail.
  • Orange. Just call GERMS right now. I’m 100% convinced that this actually isn’t vodka but rather Mr. Clean Orange Floor Cleaner. There is simply no way this stuff is suitable for human consumption — which is tough to believe since citrus Burnett’s theoretically should be similar but is exponentially better. In any case, you definitely want to mix this with fruit juice. Try mixing 1-part Burnett’s to 1-part cranberry juice to 1-part Triple Sec to 2-parts orange juice for a floor-cleaning take on a margarita!

    When you take a shot of Orange Burnett’s
  • Limeade. Lime is definitely not the worst flavor, but take Burnett’s Lime, add green food coloring and a bit of Windex, and you have Burnett’s Limeade! This flavor is pretty hard to come by nowadays, and that’s definitely okay by us at 4E. In any case, you’re definitely going to want to stick with citrus. This mixes decently well with lemonade (disclaimer: this is a drink, not a song by Beyoncé). You’ll probably want to forget you went so low as to purchase green vodka, so try 3-parts Burnett’s to 2-parts lemonade. Throw some colored sugar on the rim just to be ~fancy~, and there you have it!

While they’re nothing like Citrus or Pink Lemonade, let’s hope that these ideas will help you stay lit get your creative juices flowing!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, pinterest.com

What Your Favorite La Croix Flavor Says About You

Image result for la croix costumes

La Croix: It can be found in any Georgetown Girl’s refrigerator, but no one really knows how to pronounce it … La Croy? La Cwah? La Crocs? For those of us who love this sparkling beverage, here’s what your preferred flavor says about you.

Pamplemousse and Cran-Raspberry : Although all flavors of La Croix are basic, these two are the worst of them all. You wear Adidas Superstars and Lululemon leggings and drink La Croix to ~rehydrate~ after SoulCycle. You use La Croix as a chaser for your Mango Pineapple Svedka because it’s “healthy.”

Any of the Curate Flavors: You’re really bougie and probably pronounce it “La Cwah.”

Plain: You’re a real hardo. You’d prefer to drink plain water out of your Brita filter but you drink plain La Croix to seem jazzy.

Coconut: Some may say it tastes like a candle, but if you drink Coconut La Croix, you’re the cool kid at the party. You’re super trendy and fun and everyone wants to be your friend (disclaimer: this is my flavor of preference).

Lime: You’re trying to cut back on soda and if you really pretend, it tastes nothing kinda like Sprite.

Peach-Pear: You really like Burnett’s, but since it isn’t socially acceptable to drink on a Tuesday at 1 p.m., Peach-Pear La Croix is the closest you’re going to get.

So, next time you walk around campus with a can of La Croix in hand, just know that the rest of us are judging you.

Photos: lacroixwater.com, www.brit.co

Georgetown’s Top Five New Dining Options

Leo’s is back, but is it better than ever? For those of you who have not yet stirred up the courage to venture into territory without self-serve and oversized portions, 4E’s got you covered with a rundown of Hoya Hospitality’s five most ~hospitable~ new dining options.

  1. Bodega (M-Th: 11:00 a.m. – 11:00 p.m.; F: 11:00 a.m. – 9:00 p.m.; Sat: 7:30 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.; Sun: 4:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m.)
    Overview: As far as ready-made sandwiches go, Bodega fares pretty well among our taste buds and offers an option for every occasion. Ready to pig out after a gruesome Yates workout? The Turkey Avocado Club with Bacon boasts a heaping three slices of bread. Inspired to develop a more cultured palate after taking French? Essaie le Cashew Chicken Salad Croissant pour changer! Feeling dietary self-hatred a healthier alternative? The Grilled Vegetable Hummus Ciabatta is the go-to low-cal option. For those of you who aren’t in a sandwich state of mind, there are also daily entrées and sides that you can mix and match to your stomach’s content. And because Bodega’s offerings are chiefly grab-and-go, the line for these cooked meals are the shortest among all of upper Leo’s. That being said, there’s always room for improvement. Entrée portions likely won’t satiate those of you over the age of six and Bodega’s salads, though listed as having four variations, are pretty standardized. They also ~allegedly~ contain frozen lettuce chunks on the bottom. Alas, this is still Leo’s after all.
    Keep up the: taste, variety, efficiency, hours of operation
    Watch out for: salads, entree and side portions
  2. Launch Test Kitchen (M-Th: 11:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m., 4:30 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.; F: 11:00 a.m. – 2:30 p.m.; S-S: Closed)
    Overview: This vendor is as close as Leo’s comes to fine dining. For overindulged Hoyas suffering the loss of mommy’s Blue Apron meals, Launch offers themed cuisines from around the world. Previous successes include the Chicken Tikka Masala from Indian week, the lobster roll from seafood week, and the baked biscuits from southern week. As Leo’s most ~premium~ option, Launch meals present the most bang-for-your-meal-exchange — but only Monday through Friday. That’s right, Launch is the sole upper Leo’s vendor that closes for the entire weekend. On the weekdays, it’s best to stick with what you know. Avoid accepting free samples from the Test Kitchen with suspiciously fancy names, like “corn purée with butter cappuccino,” which I’m ready to believe was really liquid butter in disguise.
    Pro tip: Bring your Problem of God reading for the wait, as Launch lines are notoriously the longest on all of upper Leo’s.
    Keep up the: taste, diversity, meal exchange worth
    Watch out for: lines, free samples, hours of operation
  3. Crop Chop (M-F: 11:00 a.m. – 7:00 p.m.; S-S: Closed)
    Overview: Unlike Bodega’s ice boxed salads and lower Leo’s shabby salad bar, Crop Chop has restored our trust in the quality of college salad. In fact, with topping options such as steak, quinoa, and avocado, it may even be (though probably isn’t) a young Sweetgreen in the making. Popular pre-curated options include the classic Kale Caesar and the flavorful Quinoa Crunch, but more advanced Crop Chop enthusiasts know the splendors of make-your-own. Warning: this option is not for the faint of heart. The employees are known to be a little snappy, so have a friend place your order if you’re not the confrontational type. And if choosing a base, five toppings, and protein is too much on your plate, don’t worry — you’ll have plenty of time to think in a line that wraps around the corner of the hallway.
    Immoral pro tip: Ask for avocado, even when they say it costs extra, because they’ll forget by the time your salad makes it to the register.
    Keep up the: taste, variety, portions
    Watch out for: lines, hours of operation, snappy staff
  4. 5Spice (M-Th: 11:00 a.m. – 9:00 p.m.; F: 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.; Sat: Closed; Sun: 4:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.)
    Overview: This weekly changing vendor is a hit or miss. Quasi-General Tso’s sesame chicken from Chinese week = hit. Overly-drunken drunken noodles from Thai week = miss. With both sweet and savory meals, 5Spice is always a reliable source of refreshingly adequate portion sizes. Overall, besides its sub-Cup-O-Noodle grade ramen bar, 5Spice’s culturally themed offerings are your best bet for Asian food on campus. But if you decide to ditch the line for less egregiously inauthentic cuisine, don’t worry — you probably hadn’t moved up very far in it anyway.
    Keep up the: general taste, diversity, portions
    Watch out for: lines, inauthenticity
  5. Chick-Fil-A (M-F: 11:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m.; S-S: 11:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m.)
    Overview: Before you seriously question our judgment in degrading the makers of the OG chicken sandwich to fifth place, give us a chance to explain. For one, Hoya Court’s Chick-Fil-A is the only new dining option that doesn’t accept meal exchange. Faced with the quandary of filling our stomachs while emptying our wallets, there’s not much to do but bask in the golden glory of those waffle-cut fries while they last. On an equally discouraging note, the wait duration here typically surpasses even those of Launch and 5Spice. In a time crunch, it may be easier just to slap some of lower Leo’s chicken fingers on a couple southern biscuits from Launch. Despite all this, there’s not much one can do to resist a hankering for Chick-Fil-A. As they say, you win some, you lose some.
    Keep up the: taste
    Watch out for: lines, cost

There you have it folks: we’ll leave it up to you to weigh the pros and cons of Georgetown’s new dining options and decide whether they’re worth a visit.

Photos/Gifs: thebalance.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com

An Open Letter to the New Uncommon Grounds

Dear New Uncommon Grounds (which, as you may have heard, has been ~officially~ dubbed “NUG”),

Congratulations on your recent move from the cozy bubble within the well-trafficked Sellinger Lounge to the prime real estate spot in an obscure corner of the bookstore. Thank you for making it less tempting for us to spend precious flex dollars out of our late-night-quesadilla budget on strangely-named caffeinated beverages. Thank you for recognizing that among the exorcist steps, the Regents stairs, the VCW steps, the stairs to Yates, the White-Gravenor stairs and the Walsh staircase, Georgetown is truly deprived of opportunities for excessive stair-climbing. Thank you for moving to a location that allows us to ~seek the magis~ up an additional two flights. We have to thank you, New Uncommon Grounds. Without your grand reopening, we would not have the pleasure of experiencing the following awkward moments thus far, in your short tenure of just a few days:

1 . Going to NUG at 9pm on a Wednesday, and finding it completely empty with the exception of the baristas. We thought you were closed and retreated down the stairs, but you shouted after us, “we’re open!”, and so we had to awkwardly walk back inside.

Actual footage of a NUG employee trying to make us walk back up the stairs, 2017, colorized. 

2. A woman asked our blogger Caroline if her name was “Eleanor Rigby” upon her receiving the caramel hazelnut latte by the same name. This drink is now cancelled.

3. With the loss of the beloved UG couches, we experienced the strange and utter horror of not having anywhere to sit. And when we finally did find a spot, it turned out it was already someone else’s spinny chair. Sad!

But despite the loss of our dear old friend, we’ve come up with a list of suggestions to make the NUG experience the best it can be for all students:

1. Build retail therapy into your customer experience. As a Georgetown student, you can sleep when you’re dead (and therefore must caffeinate whilst living). Additionally, you must not let anyone forget that you are walking the same hallowed grounds that Bradley Cooper, John Mullaney, Patrick Ewing and Bill Clinton once roamed. Therefore, you’re going to need some gear: Why not sell some in the store? While they’re at it, your customer may even buy some for his or her third cousin twice-removed, and the entirety of his or her high school graduating class.

You if you don’t buy a new Georgetown sweatshirt every time you go to NUG.

2. Sell the stairs as “aggressive stair workout.”

Training Plan: Begin on M street and walk up the exorcist steps, then take a left on N Street to walk up the Lau steps. Walk down past the HFSC, up past Cooper field, and then up the Regents stairs. Lastly – take your pick between the ~official NUG stairs~ (currently incorrectly labeled as the “UG stairs”) or the bookstore escalator. To balance out your customers counting calories, have them subtract those it took to get upstairs! Pro-tip: make sure that every article of clothing on your body was purchased at  lululemon because otherwise it doesn’t count as exercise at Georgetown.

3. Tell your customers they have the perfect excuse to borrow their parents’ private helicopter. We are all well aware that our enormous campus already warranted travel by Vespas, but now it’s time to inform your parents that you will be needing to borrow ~one~ of their helicopters to fly you from your dorm to the Leavey Esplanade to pick up your NUG Love latte. Your customers have been waiting all this time for the right excuse.

4. Relive the good old days. If your customers are still missing the old Kanye UG, tell them to purchase some blackout shades to recreate that familiar sense of total darkness. This way, their fellow NUG customers will still be completely unrecognizable from a short distance and they can still feel like they’re writing a paper in the middle of the night ALL THE TIME. As we all know, the “This is due at 8 a.m. and I haven’t started” paper-writing aesthetic is even more popular among the Georgetown community than ~cura personals~, and it would be a shame to let some “sunlight” ruin it.

This can still be you at NUG!

New Uncommon Grounds: Much like freshmen year roommates and mandatory group projects, you are unfamiliar and slightly awkward. But we’re willing to try and make this thing work if you are.

With (NUG) Love,

Sarah and Caroline

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tumblr.com