The influential and notable entity of The Fourth Edition hereby declares a petition to end the epidemic of texting and walking (otherwise referred to as “twalking”) currently plaguing our beloved campus, indefinitely, commencing February 5th. There are myriad reasons you should consider joining our movement against “twalking”:
1. Basic human decency.
This should go without saying, but, if you need an authority figure to remind you why you shouldn’t text and walk, here you go:
2. Your safety.
Distracted mobility is dangerous. In 2016, the number of pedestrians killed by motorists because they were distracted jumped by 16 percent!
3. The environment.
The world is beautiful and, at the rate we are going, it may not be this way for long. It is crucial that you look at the grass and leaves while you can.
4. Public health.
Just going to leave this here for you…
Now, what to do if you catch a “twalker” in the act:
1. Walk directly in their line of movement.
They will either crash into you or correct their path while maybe becoming aware of their wrongdoing.
Did you know there is no law on the books against yelling? You can just do it whenever, wherever.
Alas, maybe you look at your phone as a coping mechanism for your social anxiety. Maybe you just like to irritate every other person walking in front of, beside or behind you. Don’t worry. You still have options.
If burying yourself in your phone makes you feel more comfortable as you move about the world, perhaps try a disguise. Sunglasses, big hats and scarves are all good options for avoiding people you know and staying hidden to people you don’t.
2. Disguise 2.0
Maybe you’re the opposite. You twalk because you like to be obnoxious. You could try this. People might actually enjoy it more than your distracted stumbles.
Or, if you’re looking for something a little more subtle, maybe try a mask.
Please join our movement and spread the word. Together we will create a safer world.
So, while I’m pretty sure at least half of Georgetown’s campus is already abundantly aware of this fact, it’s worth noting that I am from Miami, Florida. #305forLyfe #Pitbull4Prez
For those of you who have not been watching spaghetti models for the last week (yes, that is actually what they call computer models that forecast Hurricanes), Hurricane Irma, the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic Basin, is currently devastating my home state with wind, rain, and Facebook groups aimed at dissuading Irma from hitting us.
Now, you may be saying to yourself “you aren’t going to try to make jokes about Hurricanes, are you?” and yes, I agree that would be rather inappropriate, so instead of directing your laughter at a natural disaster, I suggest laughing along with me at the beautifully messed-up state from which I hail (but mostly Miami).
Miami, the capital of Latin America, is home to around 6 million people, most of whom do not what turn signals are. Miamians are a creative people whose native language exists on a continuum somewhere between bad English and terrible Spanish. While we often like to make fun of the rest of Florida, there is a Wikipedia page called “Miami Cannibal Attack” (check it out) and it is DISGUSTING.
Now as for the rest of Florida, it’s true that we have Orlando (where dreams come true until the guy in the Mickey Mouse costume gets arrested for public indecency) and a capital city whose name no one can spell, but otherwise it’s a pretty boring place. While some parts of the state like Boca Raton (literally Rat Mouth) are enclave of elderly North-Easterners, Florida seems to get more like the deep south the further north you go. It doesn’t make sense to us either.
So even though the rest of America would like to do this to us sometimes,
keep Florida in your thoughts, because without it this man would never have been President.
In just a few days, most Hoyas will be returning to The Hilltop. A select few will study abroad in the fall, but nevertheless anticipation to leave home has never been higher. But amid all the excitement and preparations to return to school, some may have noticed the blossoming of a new trend over the summer that could have serious effects on our futures: the combination of transportation apps (e.g. Uber and Lyft) and food delivery.
Uber Technologies originally unveiled UberEATS in 2014, but the service is still separate from the app that you use to transport your lazy body home from a night out. Food delivery apps quickly became a new fad; Postmates and Tapingo quickly followed and the industry boomed. Even more recently, Uber seems to have taken a step further with the ability to request an ice cream truck. I received this email recently and while the service was only available on August 11, I was still shocked to see how Uber promotes obesity continues to improve its services.
The email continued to describe an added benefit to requesting a personal ice cream truck. As if the idea of that wasn’t enough, Uber promised free ice cream at McDonald’s (every Friday until 9/22/17) when you brought your ~collectible cone~.
So now when you download Uber, you’re not just getting a car service. Instead, you’re exposed to a world of ice cream on-demand and free ice cream at McDonald’s. While I am not a huge McDonald’s fan (unless it’s Shamrock Shake season), I can’t deny that I was impressed. But just when I thought it could not get any better, I received word that Lyft was developing something called “Taco Mode”: a service that delivers passengers to the nearest Taco Bell mid-ride. Instead of matching its rival’s ice cream service and partnering with McDonald’s, Lyft has raised the bar even higher by partnering with Taco Bell and bringing customers to a food source on their way home. This means that on your way home from the bar (or wherever you are in the middle of the night), you can easily make a pit stop at Taco Bell and satisfy your dietary needs. Has science gone too far?
The correct answer to that question is: NO! This is exactly what the people (read: we, students of Georgetown) don’t need in our lives. A service that allows us to stop for food on our way home makes life incredibly easier. Rather than taking two Uber/Lyft rides to stop for food and then continue back to campus, this idea saves time and money for students who are on a budget.
As the industry continues to change, one cannot help but wonder what services will be released in the future. In order to help some wannabe MSBros aspiring business leaders, here are some great suggestions that one could take into account when developing the next great food service:
&pizza Feature for SafeRide– Building on the idea of Taco Mode, this could be both an excellent boost in business for &pizza on Wisconsin Avenue and great publicity for SafeRide and GUPD. If you are taking SafeRide back to campus at a late hour, what better place to stop? It’s close to campus and they have a variety of pizzas and free water. This feature could also mean that the SafeRide driver stops at &pizza for you and grabs your food. Either way, you’re getting pizza and a ride home all in one trip.
Corp Coffee Delivery Service– As if The Corp didn’t have enough to worry about, a coffee delivery service could prove disastrous since probably everyone on campus (including faculty) would want coffee delivered to them. The solution would be to raise a delivery price, but then everyone would probably just not use the service. This may not seem like a great suggestion, but hey, maybe someone else can put a better spin on it.
Quick Pita Food Truck– If this had happened prior to the tragedy of December 31, 2016, the eatery may have raised its sales enough to stay in business. Maybe it’s just me, but setting up this stand just off campus (in case you’re too lazy to walk the extra blocks) would’ve been a godsend.
GUTS Stop at Jumbo Slice– Georgetown may have stopped the late-night Adams Morgan route, but it may be time to bring it back if this idea gains popularity. Picture this: you are leaving Madam’s Organ (if you’re of age, of course), and you want to take the free shuttle home but you also want pizza. Now you can do both because the shuttle waits while you run in and grab a slice.
While these suggestions may seem a bit ridiculous, are they any worse than “Taco Mode” or Uber ice cream trucks? That’s up to you to decide, but just remember that in the coming weeks there probably will be a longer wait for late-night Epi than a mid-day Cosi due to something called NSO. In case you have forgotten, the counter at Epi will look something like this.
So to whomever takes up one of these ideas and actually does something with it: please remember me when you’re famous!
After a lovely summer abroad in Paris, France, I am back in my even lovelier home state, New Jersey. While I often frequent New York City, I definitely am much more accustomed to the suburban lifestyle (i.e. using cars as my main method of transportation). With that in mind, my six weeks of relying exclusively on the metro (and sometimes sketchy Ubers) brought about quite a few surprises. Here are the five weirdest things I saw on the Paris metro:
I straight up witnessed a man ALMOST fall onto a baby stroller, which prompted the mother to burst into tears. In his defense, he was not close to touching the baby so the reaction was a bit unwarranted. That being said, the only thing I’m THAT protective over is my dog, and if someone almost stepped on him, I’d probably cry, too.
I watched a man dig his finger in his ear for twenty minutes straight. Seriously. Twenty minutes. I hope he found what he was looking for.
I watched everyone check themselves out in the metro doors. I can’t even make a joke about it though because I did the same thing each and every time. Those things seriously make great mirrors.
I witnessed a man who was so drunk he was lying on the station floor and his friends quite literally had to drag him onto the metro. Don’t ride the metro alone at 2 a.m. kids, or this is what you’ll see:
I saw a man wearing a shirt that said “Massive🐔”. Comment dit-on “overcompensation?”
And there ya have it folks. Stay safe using public transportation.
Readers, it’s now July and the sun has since set on my second year at Georgetown. I am now considered an ~upperclassman~ at this wonderful institution. Let’s just say I’m feeling a little nostalgic.
Despite feeling a bit depressed that I only have half of my time left at Georgetown, one day, I started thinking and laughing about all the things freshmen and sophomores do that scream “UNDERCLASSMAN.” For example, I used to say “the” before every location. “The Brown House,” “the Nevils” and “the Midnight Mug” were just a few phrases that gave me away as a freshman two autumns ago. One of the lists that came to mind was the mistakes that underclassmen make at bars — a list that I’m sure could fill an entire book.
Piano Bar, Chinese Disco, Mr. Smith’s — these may not be a few of your favorite things, but they certainly are for a large part of the student body. Check out Piano on a Wednesday for Jersey Night, crawling with sober freshmen and a few intoxicated, washed-up seniors. Chi Di Thursdays, arguably the best day of the week, are a great way to kick off the weekend. The legendary Mr. Smith’s brunch is a way to waste enjoy most of your Saturday.
It just might happen that Chi Di is letting people in as 18+, so those of you who are youngsters are in luck! You don’t need to worry about getting past the bouncer and/or the cops. The venue’s bumping, your 21+ friends pass you beverages and you’re having the time of your life while dancing on one of the booths. But wait! 12:30 rolls around and they decide to kick all of the 18+ guests out. You, however, try your luck and evade the flashlight-wielding bouncers for a period of time. Just when you think they’re gone, you get back up on a booth and start breaking it down again. Before you know, a flashlight is shining right in your eyes and you’re forced to show some identification. Luckily, you brought a fake ID with you to save the day! Your reach into your wallet and hand it to the bouncer without even looking. As the light shines on it, you see that you actually handed him the WRONG ID and gave yourself away as underage.
He promptly takes your drink and pulls you from the crowd to leave you outside, wondering whether you should try Piano or just call it a night. You later have to face the shame of telling all your friends about what happened, and you just feel dreadful. However, as bad as you feel about yourself for getting kicked out of Chi Di, you don’t envy your other friend. He took a different route and went to Piano. Acting like a big shot, he decided to open a tab and buy all of his friends drinks. Is one vodka soda a good choice? Yes. Is buying twenty of them a good choice? Definitely not. He came home from Piano with an empty bank account, no memory and no Quick Pita.
While buying your friends drinks is a nice gesture (after all, who’s going to say no?), it might be a wiser choice to save your money for more necessary purchases, such as food. One way to avoid killing your bank account is to not arrive at the bar too early and enjoy your New South pregame a bit more. If you think that those are beneath you as a freshman and that I’m lying, good for you! You’re probably not that fun anyway.
Underclassmen also sometimes try to argue with the bouncer when he rejects them. This. Never. Works. Maybe you try to convince him that you’re actually from where your ID says: “Please sir, I’ve lived in Pennsylvania my whole life!” OR, you might just try to be rational with the doorman: “If you let me in last night, why aren’t you letting me in now?” (Do I appreciate this line? Maybe. Let’s just say there’s no better weapon than logic.) Either way, trying to argue your way into the bar is only going to make the bouncers angry, and decrease your chances of getting in. In this circumstance, you could compare the bar to a Brown House party: some nights you’ll get in quite easily; other times you’ll be sent back home quite early. Of course, you could have made the simple error of choosing the wrong age on your ID. This situation may look like this:
Last but certainly not least, we have the classic mistake of trying one’s luck with the cops. When there’s a cop next to the bouncer, most students who “shouldn’t” be going to the bar turn and disappear.
However, some have such strong faith in their fake IDs that they truly believe they can fool the cops. Next thing they know, they’re pulled aside, forced to sit on the curb and soon taken down to the station, where they process you and send you back home. The only thing that may be worse than being arrested is having to tell your parents that you were arrested. Some anonymous Hoyas who have endured this tragedy describe their initial reaction as this:
Although there are probably dozens of more mistakes that underclassmen typically make at bars, these are just a few common ones that make people laugh, cry or think of better times when they had clean records. Just remember, we at 4E just want you to have fun and be safe if or when you do venture off campus. So in conclusion, stay responsible, Hoyas! And if you’re an underclassman who hasn’t already ventured to a bar, please note that nine times out of ten then your GoCard will not be accepted as a valid form of ID.
Quick Pita died and has risen again in a new and improved form. While no Georgetown establishment will ever truly take its place, Quick Pita’s successor, Falafel Inc., sure does justice to our need for a delicious and frugal late-night spot. 4E went full Guy Fieri mode to give you a rundown of what you need to know about this new spot.
Here’s a quick guide to everything you care about:
Prices: 10/10. You’d be hard-pressed to find a cheaper, more filling meal. There are plenty of bougie options in Georgetown, but this isn’t one of them. The price for the value is the best around. Both the main selections (falafel bowls and sandwiches for $4 each) and the sides ($3 each) are well-priced.
Food (Variety): 8/10. While there aren’t many options on the menu, you can easily customize your order with the plethora of add-ins that are traditionally included for free (such as cabbage slaw, tomatoes, etc.). They also have some Middle Eastern specialties you’d have difficulty finding easily elsewhere, such as Barbican, a non-alcoholic fruit and malt soda.
Food (Taste): 9.5/10. Definitely blows any other falafel I’ve ever had in D.C. out of the water. While a falafel sandwich is a pretty basic concept, Falafel Inc.’s execution is pretty close to flawless, and they put a unique blend of toppings that make the mundane falafel sandwich tasty and exciting.
Food (Sauces): 9.5/10. There is just something spectacular about being able to smother a falafel in their garlicky habibi sauce. I don’t know what’s in it, and they probably wouldn’t tell me if I asked, but make sure to try this out (and all of the others, which are equally tasty) when you go.
Ambience: 8/10. The inside of this place harkens to a refugee camp, and for good reason. The dimly lit, plywood walls truly create a unique atmosphere directly emulating the falafel shops in refugee camps. The only thing that would make it better would be more seating, but the lack thereof gives it a more authentic feel.
Staff: 9/10. Very friendly people who work hard to get the food out quickly and correctly. It’s just hard not to think back to Quick Pita’s staff and wonder what ever happened to Sammy.
Hours: 5.5/10. This is probably the only let-down, though the hours aren’t truly bad by any means. We’ve all been itn dire need of a piping hot pita around the wee hours of the night, and unfortunately Falafel Inc. closes at 11pm, making it a great lunch and dinner spot, but not so much a late-night post-game spot.
Bonus: +0.5 for being FTR (For the Refugees). For every $10 spent, the shop feeds a refugee for a day by donating part of its revenue to the World Food Programme, so you can feel even better about having tahini drip down your face as you stuff yourself with falafel.
Final Rating: 9/10
While we all dearly miss Quick Pita, Falafel Inc. is more than worth a try (or several).
Have you ever heard the rumors of Georgetown’s bustling nightlife and bar scene in the 1980’s, 1990’s and early 2000’s? Have you wondered where these bars went? Or have you accepted the fact that M Street is an eerily too similar replica of your hometown mall? Here at 4E we asked these questions and did the research into Georgetown’s bar history, and no this is not a shameless plug for my final research project. But if it was, I would suggest that you check out this website to learn more. So if finals have you feeling down, take a walk with 4E down memory lane and peer into the past with our Georgetown Bars Now and Then.
3401 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007
Now: The Running Company
This bar created Georgetown’s punk rock scene. It was the first bar in Georgetown that integrated music videos into the bar! It closed in 1989 and is now the Running Company. However, Poseurs loyal followers hosted a 30-year reunion, so check out their event on Facebook Event.
3477 M Street, NW Washington D.C.
Then: The Cellar Door
Now: For rent
This building used to house The Cellar Door, a live music club that played host to famous artists such as Jimmy Buffet, Patti Smith, Carole King and many more from 1965-1981. Since then the location has been a sandwich shop but currently remains for rent.
3295 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007
Now: Club Monaco
This location has been a bar since 1952 when it was first the Shamrock. It transitioned to Winston’s Pumphouse in 1972, and then in 1996 it became Rhino–a popular if not beloved Georgetown University bar. It was closed in 2015 due to high rent and is now Club Monaco, a clothing store.
3259 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007
Then: Crazy Horse
Now a Coach retail store, Crazy Horse was a local bar popular with both Georgetown students and young adults from the DMV area.
1238 Wisconsin Ave NW, Washington, DC 20007
Then: Carriage House, followed by Tramps
This location was first the Carriage House, a dining room frequented by many important social and political figures of the District. Then it was taken over by the famous disco club Tramps, run by Washington Playboy Mike O’Harro. This establishment was a left over remanent of the 1970s disco scene. Unfortunately, in 1982 it stopped “Staying Alive” and closed its doors. It is currently a Zara clothing store.
1218 Wisconsin Ave NW, Washington, DC 20007
Then: The Third Edition
Now: El Centro
The Third Edition was a Georgetown neighborhood staple, serving students, visitors and the neighborhood from 1969 to 2013. It even got a moment of Hollywood fame as the beloved St. Elmo’s Fire bar in the 1980’s classic “St. Elmo’s Fire” Now it is an upscale Mexican restaurant called El Centro.
3104 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007
Then: Mr. Smiths
Now: Fine Retailer
Mr. Smiths was arguably the second oldest continuing bar in the Georgetown neighborhood as it was founded in 1962. In 2014 it was forced to move from its M Street location to K Street, where it replaced longstanding bar Chadwicks due to rising rents. Now, it’s location is filled in with “Fine Retailer” (whatever that means).
3111 K St NW, Washington, DC 20007
Now: AMC Theatre
Currently the AMC Theatre, the Bayou was the go-to music scene from 1953 to 1998. Check out this website to learn more!
3003 M St NW, Washington, DC 20007
Then: Garret’s Railroad Tavern
Garrett’s Restaurant and Railroad Tavern shut its doors for the last time on a Monday in 1979. It was described as “not simply another restaurant closing but rather the loss of a popular community hangout loved and frequented by locals, students, employees, and tourists.” It has since been replaced with a Thai restaurant. Here is another article discussing Garret’s closing.
1206 Wisconsin Ave NW, Washington, DC 20007
Now: The Sovereign
Champions closed their doors in 2002. It was a dubbed “the original sports bar” and was a favorite with the Georgetown student body, visiting college students, tourists and residents of the DMV area. The bar was bought and converted into an upscale Belgium restaurant called The Sovereign.
As you begin to recover from the aftermath of Georgetown Day, we regret to inform that it’s officially Finals Season. And if you can’t stand the thought of spending the next two weeks studying in hell Lau, fear not: we here at 4E have got you covered with some of the best hidden study spots on this side of the Potomac.
1. The Library of Congress
Located in the heart of D.C., the Library of Congress is the perfect place to reenact scenes from National Treasure get some serious and productive studying done! Visiting the Library of Congress is a great opportunity to try to finally figure out the whole GUTS bus/Metro system, get frustrated after three minutes, and resort to calling an Uber like you always do. Once you get there, be sure to blatantly ignore the library rules and take plenty of pictures of your beautiful surroundings- you can send some to your parents as proof that your college experience also involves some non-Burnetts-related activities !
4E Fun Fact: My own Library of Congress card has the unique distinction of being the only picture of me in existence that is worse than the one on my GoCard.
2. The Aisles of Vital Vittles
If you’re too lazy to venture more than five minutes from campus looking for something a little closer to your Hilltop home, there are still plenty of options. One of Georgetown’s best study spots is located in the aisles of Vittles. This is exactly what it sounds like: just grab your backpack, go sit on the floor of the campus grocery store and get to work! Trust us, all the cool kids are doing it. As you study, you can enjoy the questioning stares of your fellow Hoyas while munching on one of the snacks you settled for because they were inexplicably out of your top five snack food choices.
4E Bonus Tip: If you’re feeling really adventurous, go study in the lone aisle of Snaxa.
Home to sophomores who skipped every “What’s a Hoya?” and freshmen who weren’t told this was even an option during their GAAP weekend, Village C East is truly a hidden treasure. Frequently forgotten and perpetually overlooked in favor of its better-known sibling to the west, VCE is basically the Jeb Bush of Georgetown dormitories. So while it may be “low-energy,” sometimes that’s exactly what you need after another wasted night spent in the distraction-filled mosh pit known as Lau 2 during finals. I personally recommend grabbing a spot at the tables in the laundry room, mostly because it reminds me of a simpler time, during freshman year, when I actually did my laundry on a regular basis instead of wearing the same pair of jeans for a week straight and hoping no one notices.
4. The ICC Bathrooms
We’ve all been there: your professor assigns you a “collaborative final project” and everyone in your group is a total stranger. You’re probably freaking out- group projects are soooo awkward! But luckily, we here at 4E have found a quick fix to your problem: the ICC bathrooms. Spending time in uncomfortably-close physical proximity is a surefire way to get to know each other. And what better place to build this camaraderie than in the inexplicably-tiny restrooms of the Edward B. Bunn S.J. Intercultural Center? Just think of all the built-in conversation starters that will help break the ice: “Why are we working in a bathroom?” “This is so weird”- you’re sure to be best friends in no time! And best of all, you won’t have any of that pesky “reliable wifi access” to distract you from the task at hand.
4E Bonus Tip: If you’re really looking to get close with your peers, head on over to the White-Gravenor bathrooms, which have the cool added bonus of being extremely small and extremely old.
5. John Kerry’s House
Now that the Secret Service agents outside of his house are gone, this basically means we all have an open invitation to go hang out with Johnny K whenever we want. Though I personally have never actually been inside his home, I’m assuming it’s extremely classy (John Kerry is pretty much as #bougie as it gets- here’s a picture of a him on a yacht with JFK) and it also probably has pretty decent wifi, because we all know how much former Secretaries of State like to send emails!
Disclaimer: Yes, I know that joke was terrible, but I got yelled at for writing too many articles roasting Trump, so just consider this my attempt at being bipartisan). Additionally, the Kerrster can totally help you study for your IR final, and will almost-definitely be down to walk across the street with you for a Wingo’s study break
*Side Note: If anyone ever actually sees John Kerry at Wingo’s, please alert me immediately.
So there you have it- five ways to shake up your study routine this finals season. Best of luck from all of us here at 4E, and please remember to keep procrastinating by reading our articles!