The Anti-Bucket List

Happy October!

AKA, happy end of all things fresh, new and exciting. Happy death ‘n’ afterlife to all things green. And, above all else: a very happy ~midtermz~.

The magic of the welcome and/or return to the Hilltop has sizzled and has now begun its fall fizzle. The Stall Street Journal listing the scores of Things to Do in D.C. has been replaced. Your color-coded to do list fell victim to the avalanche of Stats printing mishaps. And perhaps, while the roomie wasn’t looking, you sent that dubious text you swore you’d never.

October brings spooky time, kids. In preparation, we here at 4E have put together a cautionary tale of sorts: the anti-bucket list.

The ANTI-Bucket List

Things you probably never thought you’d do at Georgetown.

But you probably have.

1. Epi at 2 p.m.: You thought you wanted a quesadilla, when really, you just wanted to relive 1:30 a.m. on a Saturday night.

2. Wisey’s Twice in the Same Day: Because while Aramark has tried its hand at faux &pizza, Sweetgreen and Falafel, Inc., Royal Jacket simply pales in comparison to the art of Wisemiller’s Deli & Grocery.

3. Lau At 3  p.m. and 3 a.m.: One paper needed to be written. And in those 12 hours, you’ve managed to share four Facebook posts, down three cups of coffee, make two friends at The Midnight Mug, artfully craft one new meme and write zero words.

4. Failed to Leave* Georgetown?: You swore this would be the year you ran to the monuments at sunrise, found all those evasive insta-friendly graffitied walls and checked those museums off your (bucket) list. Our lovely bubble was once yours for the bursting, but now it seems kind of perfect the way it is.

*AdMo at 1 a.m. does not count.

5. Left Your Laundry in the Washer for *Only* a Few Hours After Its Cycle Finished: And that was the day you become *that* person.

6. Easy Mac: Our most dependable friend. Just add water.

7. Fallen on the Red Brick Road: Did anyone see that half-stumble, half-pay-a-millisecond-visit-to-your-maker after you encountered that loose brick on N Street? At least some experiences make us grateful for modern marvels like poured concrete .

8. Paid a Lockout Fee: This one goes out to you, roommate who insists a $100 lock-change fee is a reasonable trade-off for the invitation that would automatically be extended to Freddy Krueger by leaving your apartment door unlocked.

9.“Insufficient Funds”: An inevitable reality, kindly facilitated by Chick-Fil-A and our helpless acquiescence to The Corp. But who thought it would happen this fast?

10.Made an Actual Bucket List: It’s okay, we have too.

If you found yourself thinking, “been there, done that,” we’re sorry: NSO-era you is probably frowning.

Sources: giphy.com, usnews.com

A Very GUSA Midterm

Fellow Hoyas, this Sunday, Sept. 30, is the fall semester’s GUSA senate election. Flyers plaster the walls, ads spam Facebook feeds and candidates attempt to jump you while looking for votes.

While this time could be met with apathy or even disdain, it remains an  important part of school life. Representation matters! 

Hoya staffers are not permitted to advocate for specific candidates, but it is paramount for the press to report on politics — school or otherwise.

So, without promoting any political position, here are some people you should think about while voting this Sunday.

Abraham Lincoln

This man is an obvious first mention. During the United States’ greatest trial, President Abraham “Lumbermill” Lincoln sought to bring the country together. Balancing his values and his pragmatism, he ultimately rekindled national unity. Known for his supreme storytelling and humility, Lincoln could relate to every man.

Honest Abe is the real deal.

Abigail Adams

It would be a disservice to the second first lady to refer to her simply as “the wife of President John Adams.” Abigail “Equality Now” Adams has much more weight than just being some white guy’s spouse. Adams was, in many respects, incredibly ahead of her time — vocalizing her abhorrence of slavery and demanding that if “all men are created equal,” they should be equally treated as such.

Abigail Adams is nobody’s fool.

Benito Mussolini

Very sharp turn with this one, and not really a problem in student government elections. Still, solid advice: Don’t vote for a fascist, racist maniac like this one.

Writer’s note: This image does not, in fact, show Benito Mussolini, but rather Dwight Schrute’s famous speech from Season 2, Episode 17 of “The Office.”

Conan O’Brien

Anything I write will include Conan O’Brien. A ~Harvard graduate~, Conan displays his wit and intelligence not only through his live comedy but also through his clever and often absurdist writing. Both eloquent and goofy, Conan seldom aggrandizes himself, choosing self-deprecation instead of the typical teasing.

Sit down, be Conan.

Todd Olson, Ph.D.

The beloved vice president for student affairs is the paragon of leadership. Though he spends his life telling us to stop waking up the neighbors, the man really just wants the best for his Hoya-kiddos. Vote for that person who’s just giving their earnest.

It’s time…

With these examples of character in mind, it’s your turn to do some research. As much as it probably pains you, go to all those Facebook pages explaining the GUSA candidates’ platforms. Find someone you trust and respect, whose ideas resonate with what you believe needs to be done. And, absolutely, compare them with historical icons.

But if you end up skipping these elections, please don’t sit out come Nov. 6, the real midterms that have palpable effects on how this country functions. By that time, apathy and cynicism simply aren’t options.

Happy voting!

 

Sources: giphy.com

What Your Georgetown Study Spot Says About You

Less than a month into the school year and it’s already ~midterm szn~. As Hoyas are still recovering from the aftermath of homecoming and the unfortunate loss of Wingo’s (I still don’t want to talk about it), we are nonetheless forced to transition from our summertime laziness into the academic school year.

Whether you study diligently on Lau 2 or walk into the classroom not knowing you even had an exam, here are what your Hilltop study spots say about you:

MSB

MSBro by day and white button-down/Gucci Belt enthusiast by night, you dive into the textbooks in order to someday become a big-balling investment banker. You’re probably that person who not only brings an abundance of pens to class, but also refuses to lend any of them them to anyone. On a Saturday night, we can find you generously hosting a pre-game but also anxiously telling your friends to “SHUT UP AND HIDE  EVERYTHING” at the sound of a suspiciously loud knock on your door. Although you epitomize the “my daddy is richer than yours” complex, we still appreciate your ability to work hard and play hard– especially when you’re flaunting your clout goggles in the basement of a sweaty GPB party.

Lau

Whether you’re working on Lau 2 or Lau 5, we all know you only dragged yourself here because you have to pull an all-nighter. Odds are you ‘prefer’ to buy Burnetts simply because it’s the cheapest option. You are also probably that perpetually sick person who coughs every ten seconds during a 200-person lecture in the ICC (it’s okay though, we understand that setting up an appointment at the health center is literally impossible, so you’re excused). The lock screen on your iPhone is most likely still a screenshot of your schedule, and you are ~wild~ enough to address your professors by their first names in emails. Despite all this, we at 4E applaud anyone who chooses to spend time in the ugliest building on campus.

Bioethics Library

If you’re a girl, you probably paid for Premium Vsco X, and if you’re a guy, you probably pay for meals at Epi instead of using your meal swipes at Leo’s or Royal Jacket. Your motto is “fiscally conservative and socially liberal”, and there’s no way you’re not showing up to every SAE darty without knowing a single person there. Yates? Never heard of her– your boujee ass goes to Soul Cycle. You constantly talk about how much you love DC, yet you take a plane to NYC every weekend.

Front Lawn 

You truly believe that you are the Georgetown Poster Child, signing up for every club at CAB Fair and insta-storying in front of the John Carroll Statue. If you ran for GUSA, your campaign most definitely promised to “lower tuition” and “add Chick-Fil-A to the meal plan”. If Jack the Bulldog is walking around , you’re bound to stop whatever you’re doing to document it on an ~unnecessarily~ long Snapchat story. You probably got GERMSd at Club Lau (RIP) and speak Intermediate II Spanish while lit at sweaty Henles.

Your Room

In just ten hours of studying, you can accomplish an astounding twenty minutes of work! Of all the personalities we have covered, you are by far the laziest, as shown by the fact that you refuse to leave your humble abode. You would rather wait ten minutes for the Walsh elevator to go from floor 1 to 3, and your primary roommate tension stems from your refusal to abandon your comfortable bed when it’s time to get sexiled. If it rains (s/o every day for the past two weeks), you will hold yourself hostage in your own room, even if that means resorting to calling Wisey’s for delivery. Chances are you’re getting absolutely no work done and are either playing video games, watching cooking videos on Youtube, or napping.

Wherever you decide to study, we at 4E are impressed that you’re at least attempting to be an ~academic weapon~. Your parents are proud. Happy studying to all the Hoyas, and good luck on your midterms!

 

Sources: giphy.com, hercampus.com

 

Things to Do Once You Crash on Homecoming

I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.

You can find me at any one of these locations.

If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky — we have something to look forward to!

HOMECOMING

Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little too familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.

But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.

When you see your friend at a party and go in for a hug but you both just fall down.

“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.

*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.

NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!

Food

When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:

Domino’s: (202) 342-0100

Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424

Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478

Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.

God, Jan, no one else wants donuts. You’re the only one who wants donuts.

Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.

Film & Television

Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:

Troy

Also known as three hours of shirtless men (Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom … need I say more?) prancing around in togas, doing battle/sword stuff. The highest of entertainment.

Bend it Like Beckham

Do you ever just crave a feel-good movie with inspiring messages about female empowerment, family traditions and love? This movie is soooooo underrated.

Harry Potter

Homecoming in a nutshell.

Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too) and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.

Zoey 101 (or any Nickelodeon/Disney Channel throwbacks)

Me if anyone so much as mentions the words “Tito’s and lemonade”…

These are crowd-pleasers. Need I say more?

Miscellaneous Nonsense

If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:

Hit the books.

I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.

Just lie down.

Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.

Thank you for sticking with me through this list of highly curated content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com

Mr. Georgetown 2018 Preview

Homecoming weekend means one thing: Mr. Georgetown is back! You probably weren’t fast enough to score tickets to the ~hottest~ event of the year, but luckily you can still learn a little bit more about the best that Georgetown has to offer. We sat down with the contestants to give you an exclusive sneak peak of Mr. Georgetown 2018.


Ryan Yoch- Mr. Hoya Blue

Hometown: Twin Cities, Minn.

School: College

Major: Government, Minor: Arabic and Business Administration

What do you love the most about Hoya Blue?

The moment when you lose yourself in a sporting event, where everything else in the entire world ceases to exist and all you can watch is that shot, that play, and all you want is for it to go in — it’s the greatest feeling in the world. You get addicted to it.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

I’ve got to rep Hoya Blue: Allen Iverson.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My deep, gravelly Hoya Blue voice that I bring out for sporting events. (Editor’s Note: Ryan demonstrated this voice for me and it was pretty impressive).

Jorge DeNeve- Mr. The Voice

Hometown: Los Angeles, Calif.

School: College

Major: Math and Economics

What do love the most about The Voice?

If you’re really passionate about writing and if you enjoy it, those are the people that are going to stick around. As we continue to bring in more people who are like-minded in terms of their enthusiasm, people really put their heart and soul into the organization. I really enjoy the dedication and camaraderie we all have.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

Shaw Field. I’ve covered women’s soccer for two years and I have a spot in the middle of the bleachers, fourth row, right behind the coach. Watching them make their run to the Final Four in 2016 and in the Big East Tournament last year was a lot of fun. I’ll always associate that spot with good memories.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I play soccer. My right foot.

JD Donohue- Mr. Superfood

Hometown: Spring Lake, N.J.

School: MSB

Major: OPIM, Minor: Government

What do you love the most about Superfood?

It’s an outlet for creativity. Especially when you’re 21 and the world is starting to get serious, you can go joke around and sing for a few hours a week. And the people. When I went abroad, the people I missed the most were all in Superfood.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

For famous alum, Bradley Cooper. But I also want to shout out to my friend Christy, who is coming to Mr. Georgetown. We met in Superfood when I was a freshman and she was a senior and we were immediate soul friends.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

The HFSC (Editor’s Note: JD thinks saying “Heal Fam Stu Cen” is “cumbersome”).

William Morris- Mr. NSO

Hometown: Dallas, Texas

School: College

Major: American Studies and Government, Minor: Theology

What do you love the most about NSO?

I love how we have the opportunity to welcome students and their families to Georgetown. We have the chance to be their first impression of their time on the Hilltop and we can help set them up for success.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

The deck on the seventh floor of Arrupe. Incredible view of campus and D.C.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My dazzling smile.

Jose Villalobos Gonzalez- Mr. Ritmo y Sabor

Hometown: Mexico City, Mexico

School: SFS

Major: STIA,  with a concentration in international development

What do you love the most about Ritmo y Sabor?

It feels like a little bit of home. Being in a foreign country where the culture is so different from Latin America, it’s really nice having a place where you can joke around about familiar things and share a little bit of your culture. Whenever we perform, we try to impress the sense that it’s more than just a flashy dance and is actually a part of a larger culture.

What is your favorite meme in the meme page?

The one about how you describe working at the RHO on your resume.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My eyebrows.

Micheal Whittington- Mr. GU Women of Color

Hometown: Trenton, N.J.

School: College

Major: Biochemistry, Minor: Japanese

What do you love the most about GU Women of Color?

For me, it’s the executive board. A lot of them are my close friends and they are all so intelligent, so articulate and so go-and-get-after-it. It’s really awe-inspiring to watch.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

I don’t have a singular favorite, but anything involving John Degioia’s face.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My smile.

Michael Chanen- Mr. GERMS

Hometown: Seattle, Wash.

School: College

Major: Physics

What do you love most about GERMS?

There are a lot of integrative aspects that are similar to the field of study that I want to pursue. Being able to interact with patients and feel like I’m providing a substantive good to my community is a really cool part of GERMS that I don’t think I would get elsewhere.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Jenny Frankie. She graduated last year. She is a really lovely and sweet individual who makes me happy whenever I talk to her.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

Lau 2. I spend so much time there — I spent more time there sophomore year studying for Organic Chemisty than I did in my own room. There are so many friends I’ve met on Lau 2 and I have a lot of sentimental memories there. It’s awful and hideous, but if I were in some other, nice library, I would spend all my time looking around and wouldn’t get my work done.

Marcos Morales- Mr. GIVES

Hometown: Santa Barbara, Calif.

School: MSB

Major: Marketing and Management

What do you love about GIVES?

The people. They’re some of the nicest and kindest people that I’ve met here at Georgetown and they make you happy to be around them

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

The one where the honor council plagiarized the email warning us not to plagiarize. 

What is your most beautiful feature? 

My eyebrows. I’ve been told I have very thick eyebrows and I take that as a compliment.

Jeremy Canfield- Mr. Running Club

Hometown: Shrewsbury, Mass.

School: College

Major: Physics and Math

What do you love the most about the running club?

It’s open to everyone. A lot of people hear running club and their immediate thought is that they might not be fast enough, but speaking from personal experience, there really is no “level” needed to be in running club. So you get a very wide and diverse group of people. They really represent the university well and I’ve met all of my best friends through it.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

My former roommate Cameron. He graduated last year and is one of my best friends. He’s already doing great things. He’ll be going to Papua New Guinea for his job soon and I’m really proud of the work he’s doing.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I love my hair. It’s a pretty rare color and I think I’ve found a good style for it.

Jake Moran- Mr. Club Swimming

Hometown: Wayne, Pa.

School: SFS

Major: International Political Economy

What do you love the most about club swimming?

The team spirit, the camaraderie and the friends I’ve made here. I’ve found a home doing something I love and I got to resurrect my swimming career after high school.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

My mother because she inspires me.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

The meme about the fire alarms in the Southwest Quad and how all the fathers are going to sue.

Will Glynn- Mr. Ultimate Frisbee

Hometown: Wilton, Conn.

School: College

Major: Government and Economics

What do you love the most about ultimate frisbee?

The community. It’s where I found my place at Georgetown. Even if you’re not super athletically inclined, you can find a place. The people involved are wonderful and really enjoy welcoming newcomers.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Patrick Seaman, the former president of our club.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My personality.

Luis Montoya- Mr. College Academic Council

Hometown: Whitney, Texas

School: College

Major: Biology, Minor: Chemistry

What do you love the most about the College Academic Council?

I love that we serve as a liaison between the students and the deans. We provide a way for the student body to share their thoughts and ideas with deans. As a science major (on a campus that can seem full of government majors), it’s really important to me to have that representation and make sure that all voices are heard.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Bradley Cooper.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My teeth or my personality.

Brendan Stelmach- Mr. International Relations Club

Hometown: Chicago, Ill.

School: SFS

Major: International Politics

What do you love the most about the International Relations Club?

What I love the most is the ability to travel. Through the club I’ve gone to New York, Boston, Montreal and Panama City. I love the ability to act on the international part and gain new experiences.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Jack Ludtke. He graduated two years ago. I’m actually succeeding him as Mr. IRC. His talent was doing a PowerPoint presentation and while he didn’t win, he was probably the nicest guy I’ve met at Georgetown.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

I actually submitted one once. It’s the pregame in New South starter pack.

Sagar Anne- Mr. The Hoya

Hometown: Hong Kong

School: MSB

Major: Finance, Minor: Math

What do you love the most about The Hoya?

The people. We have a great culture.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Patrick Ewing.

What is your most beautiful feature?

Definitely my hair.

 

Not Pictured But Participating: Alex Coopersmith (Mr. Jewish Student Alliance), Harry Clow (Mr. GUGS) and JJ Larkins (Mr. Jawani).

 

We’ll see you all in Gaston Hall on Friday Night! May the best Hoya win!

 

5 Questions to Ask Bradley Cooper Today

If you’ve walked by Healy at some point during the past 24 hours, you — like those at 4E — would know that Georgetown’s own Bradley Cooper is coming to campus today. And even though Bradley somehow rooted for Villanova in the NCAA tournament two years ago, we are very excited about this news. So, in preparation, we here at 4E have created a list of potential questions for our readers to ask Bradley. Look no further for some creative ways to get his attention (and possibly steal his heart):

1. Hot Chick or Chicken Madness?

Obviously, Bradley will be able to end this debate once and for all. (Editor’s Note: it’s Chicken Madness. Not even close.)

2. Will you come with me to DipBall?

Bradley turned someone down for this same question in 2010, but maybe second time’s the charm?

3. Do you know the location of the Wisey’s Rat?

(If anyone knows the location of the Wisey’s Rat please contact 4E ASAP. We have some questions.)

4. How do you feel about NUG?

Bradley was at Georgetown when the OG UG opened, so we’re sure he’ll have an opinion about its revamp.

5. Who is your favorite Hoyalumni?

We just want to know.

Hopefully, Bradley will give us the ~tea~ today.

Sources: giphy.com, pinterest.com 

Essential End-Of-Night Songs

Well, it looks like summer is coming to an end, which means the incoming wave of mixed emotions that comes with ~going back to school~.

I know how you must be feeling at this time. If you’re like me, you’re probably grappling with the fact that school inevitably means deadlines and applications and stress and what have you. There are just certain activities that don’t quite lie in my “personal strength” category, including (but not limited to) packing, scheduling, planning and making simple decisions in general.

But hey! Look on the bright side for once: Coming back to school also means returning to an exhilarating, debauchery-filled lifestyle that you now have the privilege of sharing with all your best friends!

And what better way to spend your last few days of summer than dreaming of all the ~great~ parties you’re gonna throw in that brand new Henle.

But beware, young ones! Party hosting is no joke! A few distinguishing factors can turn a potential rager of the century into a total lame-fest faster than you can say DJ Khaled.

Luckily, you have a full bench of experienced professionals here at 4E to advise and protect you — specifically in any aux cord-related endeavors that involve essential Georgetown party classics.

1. Mr. Brightside – The Killers

No other song in the history of humankind has ever got drunk white people more hyped than Mr. Brightside. Ever.

I have sincerely never been to a party where this song didn’t play. And I can’t say I’m mad about it.

2. Georgetown Fight Song

I don’t know a single word to the Georgetown fight song and it still bangs.

3. Party in the USA – Miley Cyrus

This song is so obviously a classic that I don’t even feel the need to explain why you should play it.

4. Walmart Yodel EDM Remix – Yodeling Boy // Famous – Mason Ramsey

If at any point during the night you start to feel yourself hitting the wall, I PROMISE this song will revive you. Don’t fight it. Feel the beat. Feel the passion.

And for anyone who might mind disrespecting the musical artistry of the beloved Mason Ramsey, you can always opt to play his other best song — “Famous.”

This song is just the perfect balance between country and, like, hip. The lyrics are just so real, it breaks my heart. In a, you know, fun-loving, rager, party type of way, sort of. Sometimes, though, you just need some emotional head banging to make your night worth it.

5. Tik Tok – Ke$ha

I don’t think I have to remind anyone that stanning Ke$ha gives you not only a reason to pretend like it’s still 2009, but also to party harder than you ever would have without her. We play this song out of pure reverence for a true queen. After all, Ke$ha is the reason you could ever wake up with dirt and glitter all over yourself and call it a “look.”

But if you really want to mix it up, you can always play the Avril Lavigne acoustic cover of the song just to see how everyone in the room reacts.

(link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OahmkdWS3kQ)

6. Kiss Me Thru the Phone – Soulja Boy

It is a well-known fact that almost nothing gets a party going more than the words “soulja boy tell ‘em.”

Though some people might prefer the classic “Crank That (Soulja Boy),” I have always been a believer that “Kiss Me Thru the Phone” is a just as good, if not better song. I mean, anyone can crank that, but there’s just something about someone pulling out a flawless “678 triple 9 8212” that is just so damn impressive.

7. Thrift Shop – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

This song has not just one but three (at least) iconic lines, including but not limited to:

“Macklemore can we go thrift shopping?”

“What what what what da da da da dadaba da”

And of course,

“Walk up in the club like whaddup I gotta big c–k”

How could you pass up such poetry?

8. Whatcha Say – Jason Derulo

A healthy JaSoN dErUuLo throwback for when you get tired of listening to “Swallalala” for the millionth time.

Wait, seriously, what did she say tho?

9. Africa – Toto

A classic so great it has consistently reappeared in the top charts since the 80s. This song is the absolute best to sing at the top of your lungs with all your dearest friends.

10. Follow Me – Jamie Lynn Spears (Zoey 101 theme song)

In general, I’m usually against the notion of pretending theme songs to tween shows are real songs, but Zoey 101 is quite the exception. This is one of those songs where when it first starts playing, you might be like “aw man, come on, seriously, like, who would play this song right now dude,” but then it actually starts and you just can’t not sing along.

“Ooooh. I know ya see me standin’ here”

Plus, Chase. Am I right, ladies and gents?

11. Bring Me to life – Evanescence

So you can rock that early 2000s misunderstood, emo, goth girlfriend vibe for 3 minutes and 56 seconds before you get over it and go back to being a basic b—h.

12. All Star- Smash Mouth

someBODY once told me the WORLD is gonna roll me,

I feel like this song would never not be welcome at a Georgetown party. Also, if this song doesn’t remind you of Shrek, wyd?

13. You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift

This one’s for all of us who refuse to accept the death of Old Taylor.

Old Taylor stays reminding us of that pure and innocent optimism we all used to have about being nerdy and cute.

Not to mention that, strategically speaking, playing a Taylor Swift song is the surest way of clearing out the party so you can finally go to bed.

So good luck out there, my fellow Hoyas. And remember, please aux responsibly.

 

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, wallpaper-house.com

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

Places to Eat at 2 AM Now That Wingo’s Is Gone

My time at Georgetown has not been without its fair share of tragedy.

Hillary lost the election. Quick Pita closed. Chi Di (allegedly) shut down. Leo’s has (somehow) remained open. My GoCard picture turned out terribly. Hot Chick/Chicken Madness lost the other election. JT3 was allowed to coach a Division I basketball team. I once accidently made eye contact with a professor on a weekend. And Jack the Bulldog has straight up ignored me every single time I’ve asked to take a picture with him. To say the least, it’s been a rough three years on the Hilltop.

But none of these calamities could have prepared me for the news that broke on June 26th, 2018. As I’m sure you know by now, our beloved Wingo’s has burned down, and its soon-to-open new location is much further away. My first inclination was to write a eulogy that encapsulated what this little restaurant meant to a certain young Hoya who possessed a special love of both chicken wings and the ability to eat chicken wings at 2:00 a.m.; however, I had to abandon that plan when my tears started making it too difficult to see the laptop screen.

But because I am a professional journalist, I will work through the profound pain of this loss in order to write the type of hard-hitting article I know our readers have come to depend on from 4E. So, without further ado, here is a definitive guide of Places to Eat at 2:00 A.M. Now That Wingos is Gone.

Epi  

(Open 24/7)

If you love the feeling of hating yourself in the morning, Epi is the place for you. Their famous quesadilla is a classic choice, and the fries and onion rings are solid options as well, but I am also a big fan of “accidentally” stealing somebody else’s order and just eating whatever it is they decided to get.

Hoya Snaxa

(Technically only open until 1:00 am but whatever you get the point)

If you don’t die from walking downhill to get there, Snaxa is a pretty solid late night choice. Nothing says “Thank God my parents don’t know what their tuition money is really going towards” quite like using your GoCard to buy Cool Ranch Doritos and Cucumber Juul Pods in the early hours of the morning.

Mono Diner

(Open 24/7)

Do you remember that time freshman year when you DFMO’d at a Henle party and then the next week you started feeling gross and tired all the time and then you started panicking because you couldn’t get an appointment at student health for over a month? Have you ever wanted to relive that exact experience but while eating food at 2:00 am? Well look no further than Mono Diner. Located across from the CVS on Wisconsin, Georgetown’s newest 24-hour diner looks pretty good from the outside, but I just do not understand the name choice. Eat with caution.

Muncheez

(Open until 4:30 am)

Muncheez is a conundrum. Much like GUSA or attending a Georgetown basketball game, it has the potential to be great, but always ends up being disappointing in reality. It’s fine. Not good. Not awful. Just fine.

Quick Pita

(Closed forever)

Domino’s 

(Open until 3:00 a.m.)

Delicious (of course), but now that Chi Di is gone, you’ll probably never have a reason to walk on Prospect Street at 2:00 a.m. ever again. Delivery is fine I guess, but it doesn’t run as late and cheesy bread is really meant to be eaten at those blue plastic tables in the store. Why does The Neighborhood of Georgetown find a way to ruin everything we love?

&pizza

(Open until 4:00 a.m.)

Do you like spending more money for pizza that is less delicious and less filling than Dominos? Take the stroll down to Wisconsin Avenue for an overpriced rectangular pie at &pizza.

Bulldog Tavern

(Open until 2:00 a.m.)

Do you like waiting an hour and a half for cold mozzarella sticks? Then Bulldog Tavern is the place for you!

Wisey’s

(Sadly only open until 11:30 p.m.)

It is absolutely baffling to me that Wisey’s closes at 11:30. p.m. It has a prime location near campus and its sandwiches are tailor-made for those whose standards have been lowered after consuming a few adult beverages. If anybody reading this has enough influence to change Wisey’s (’s ?) hours (@JOHNDEGIOIA, @BILLCLINTON, @THEWISEYSRAT) please contact 4E ASAP. I really need for this change to happen in time for my senior year.

So there you have it. A few late-night options to fuel your late-night shenanigans.

This Article is in Loving Memory of Wingo’s (2002-2018). Gone too soon. RIP to the GOAT.

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, pinterest.com, wingos.com

A Guide to Move-Out Day

You are DONE. Finally. This finals season was the worst one in recent memory, but don’t get too comfortable just yet: You still have Move-Out Day. Though not quite as bad as the infamous Move-In Day, it’s still pretty unpleasant. So whether you’re bidding farewell to Harbin or Henle, 4E has got you covered with a step-by-step guide on what to do to make moving out a little less stressful.

1. Hide the Evidence

We know it’s been a while since you’ve interacted with them, but remember, your parents still think you go to Dahlgren Chapel on Sundays — and I am willing to bet that the current state of your room does not lend much support to that idea. So, before your beloved mom and/or dad show up to kindly help you move out, be sure to dispose of all remaining alcohol containers, “controversial” posters and anything you may have acquired from the H*yas for Choice table throughout the year. Move-Out Day is stressful enough as is; don’t make it any worse by having to awkwardly explain to your parents what a “Juul” is and why you currently have one sitting on your desk.

2. Attempt to Clean

Look around: You’ve been living in a literal cesspool for months. Forget romaine lettuce; it’s honestly a miracle that this place didn’t kill you. Every surface is inexplicably sticky. Your floor is covered in crushed Utz chips, empty Chick-Fil-A sauce cups and the remains of that Wingo’s order you dropped on Georgetown Day. At some point during the year, your trashcan became an amorphous “trash corner,” and now you’re really paying the price. Grab some Lysol wipes, rent a vacuum from the nearest RHO and get to work. We all know it won’t really make that much of a difference, but we also know that University President John J. DeGioia isn’t going to spend any of his Tulip money on tackling the campus rodent problem this summer, so a few minutes of tidying up is the least you can do for the sake of next year’s residents.

3. “Pack”

By “pack,” we really mean lie down on your bed and scroll through Instagram while your roommate or mom does most of the work involved in actually packing. If you have a minute to spare between figuring out what’s been going on with the whole Khloe/Tristan situation and getting caught up on whatever that Walmart-yodeling kid is doing these days, you can maybe put some folders in a box or throw some clothes into a backpack. These damn millennials! Lol amirite @EveryoneOverTheAgeofForty?? #lol #juul #relatable #PleasePayMeToWriteAnOpEdAboutThisHipTopic

4. Stress-Cry and/or Get Into an Argument With Your Mom

This is inevitable. Tensions are running high. No one involved in this process is in a good state of mind. You’re exhausted from having to take that “Problem of God” final, and your mom is exhausted from having to put up with you for the past two decades. Something as simple as taking the sheets off your bed or looking for a missing shoe can quickly escalate into complete pandemonium. Godspeed.

5. Say Goodbye

Even though your living space was absolutely disgusting, and you spent the last two weeks exclusively stress-crying in this place, it’s still sad to look around and see it look so empty. You had some good times in [insert residence hall name here]. So, goodbye, rats! Goodbye, black mold! Goodbye, neighbors who blared their terrible “Mr. Brightside”-themed playlist on a never-ending loop for an entire semester. You will be missed.

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, housingwire.com