The Five Stages of Studying for Finals

Congratulations! You just finished classes for the spring semester. You’re feeling pretty relieved and successful. But now the real fun begins: FINALS. In case you’ve forgotten since December what this season feels like, here are the five stages of studying for finals.

  1. You look at the calendar. You have time. Papers aren’t due for a week, and you don’t have an exam tomorrow. You can relax a bit.
  2. ~Five minutes later~ you’re running to Lau, with every book you own stuffed in your backpack, trying to decide whether or not you have time to stop at Midnight, because you just realized how much work needs to go into not failing out  passing all the exams and papers you feel breathing down your neck.
  3. Day Four. No wait is it Day Three? Days no longer exist; just due dates. Morale is low. You just spent 2 hours procrastinating at Leo’s and it wasn’t even Chicken Finger Thursday. Next thing you know, you wind up in the middle of the stacks on Lau 5 without a cubicle or any progress on those three papers due in two days.
  4. Then suddenly, you hit your stride. One sentence after another appears in your Word document, decades of history are memorized like Kendrick’s new lyrics and you think maybe, just maybe, you’ll survive finals week and even do well pass.
  5. You show up to your final exam wearing whatever you slept in two nights ago, barely able to keep your eyes open and thinking you might not make it. But then you manage to stay awake for a whole two hours and finish your last final. You leave the ICC nearly in tears and contemplate falling asleep in the middle of Red Square. But who cares, you’re finished! Now all you have to do is pack.

Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favor!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, nfo.georgetown.edu

GTFO: Hidden Study Spots, Finals Edition

As you begin to recover from the aftermath of Georgetown Day, we regret to inform that it’s officially Finals Season. And if you can’t stand the thought of spending the next two weeks studying in hell Lau, fear not: we here at 4E have got you covered with some of the best hidden study spots on this side of the Potomac.

1.  The Library of Congress

Located in the heart of D.C., the Library of Congress is the perfect place to reenact scenes from National Treasure get some serious and productive studying done! Visiting the Library of Congress is a great opportunity to try to finally figure out the whole GUTS bus/Metro system, get frustrated after three minutes, and resort to calling an Uber like you always do.  Once you get there, be sure to blatantly ignore the library rules and take plenty of pictures of your beautiful surroundings- you can send some to your parents as proof that your college experience also involves some non-Burnetts-related activities !

4E Fun Fact: My own Library of Congress card has the unique distinction of being the only picture of me in existence that is worse than the one on my GoCard.

Actual footage of a Georgetown student Snapchatting his friends at the LoC.

2. The Aisles of Vital Vittles

If you’re too lazy to venture more than five minutes from campus looking for something a little closer to your Hilltop home, there are still plenty of options. One of Georgetown’s best study spots is located in the aisles of Vittles. This is exactly what it sounds like: just grab your backpack, go sit on the floor of the campus grocery store and get to work! Trust us, all the cool kids are doing it. As you study, you can enjoy the questioning stares of your fellow Hoyas while munching on one of the snacks you settled for because they were inexplicably out of your top five snack food choices.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re feeling really adventurous, go study in the lone aisle of Snaxa.

3. VCE

Home to sophomores who skipped every “What’s a Hoya?” and freshmen who weren’t told this was even an option during their GAAP weekend, Village C East is truly a hidden treasure. Frequently forgotten and perpetually overlooked in favor of its better-known sibling to the west, VCE is basically the Jeb Bush of Georgetown dormitories. So while it may be “low-energy,” sometimes that’s exactly what you need after another wasted night spent in the distraction-filled mosh pit known as Lau 2 during finals. I personally recommend grabbing a spot at the tables in the laundry room, mostly because it reminds me of a simpler time, during freshman year, when I actually did my laundry on a regular basis instead of wearing the same pair of jeans for a week straight and hoping no one notices.

Remember when people were worried about him becoming president? We were so young…

4. The ICC Bathrooms

We’ve all been there: your professor assigns you a “collaborative final project” and everyone in your group is a total stranger. You’re probably freaking out- group projects are soooo awkward! But luckily, we here at 4E have found a quick fix to your problem: the ICC bathrooms. Spending time in uncomfortably-close physical proximity is a surefire way to get to know each other. And what better place to build this camaraderie than in the inexplicably-tiny restrooms of the Edward B. Bunn S.J. Intercultural Center? Just think of all the built-in conversation starters that will help break the ice: “Why are we working in a bathroom?” “This is so weird”- you’re sure to be best friends in no time! And best of all, you won’t have any of that pesky “reliable wifi access” to distract you from the task at hand.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re really looking to get close with your peers, head on over to the White-Gravenor bathrooms, which have the cool added bonus of being extremely small and extremely old.

5. John Kerry’s House

Now that the Secret Service agents outside of his house are gone, this basically means we all have an open invitation to go hang out with Johnny K whenever we want. Though I personally have never actually been inside his home, I’m assuming it’s extremely classy (John Kerry is pretty much as #bougie as it gets- here’s a picture of a him on a yacht with JFK) and it also probably has pretty decent wifi, because we all know how much former Secretaries of State like to send emails!

Disclaimer: Yes, I know that joke was terrible, but I got yelled at for writing too many articles roasting Trump, so just consider this my attempt at being bipartisan). Additionally, the Kerrster can totally help you study for your IR final, and will almost-definitely be down to walk across the street with you for a Wingo’s study break

*Side Note: If anyone ever actually sees John Kerry at Wingo’s, please alert me immediately.

The Internet was made for moments like this.

So there you have it- five ways to shake up your study routine this finals season. Best of luck from all of us here at 4E, and please remember to keep procrastinating by reading our articles!

Photo source: jfklibrary.org; Gif source: giphy.com 

The Stages of Losing Your GoCard

Who knew a tiny, ugly piece of plastic would mean so much to us? If you’re a Georgetown student, you’ve probably lost your GoCard before. And if you’re like me, you lose it almost every week. How do we cope? Well, the first step is knowing what you’re in for. If you’re not already familiar with the many feelings that come with losing that little card, here’s a reminder.

1. Denial

You lost it. Again. Again?! How did you lose it again? You’ve checked literally all the pockets of all your pants,  the entirety of your now-messier room and retraced your steps of the past few hours. It’s over. It’s gone. You can’t go to Leo’s, you can’t print, and you can’t get into your dorm without awkwardly waiting outside for a stranger to swipe you into the building. Great.

2. Anger

    It’s Day 3, and this whole losing your GoCard thing is ruining your life. You can’t do your laundry, and it might not be the best idea to ask your friend to borrow their GoCard for the 7th time.

3. Bargaining

    Here’s how you explain your situation to the swipe-in security officers: “Hi, I lost my GoCard. I’m sorry. I don’t — is that — okay? It might be upstairs, I don’t know. Okay great, yes, next time. I live here, I promise!”
    Here’s how they respond: They shrug, wave you along, maybe utter a soft “K” or “You’re fine…”

4. Depression

    Another day, another fruitless search for the GoCard. You’re sad. You’re confused. Do you keep looking for it? Do you even care at all?

5. Acceptance

Fine. It’s time for that trek up to the infamous GoCard office. You usually only go up to this location for late-night Epi runs, so this is new for you. But it’s time – it’s been time. You may be losing $25, but hey, at least you can try to get a better GoCard picture this time.

Photos/gifs: newstudent.thehoya.com, giphy.com

Health Code Violations Georgetown Students Have Ignored

We’ve heard the rumors. We’ve seen the health code signs. But for all our favorite Georgetown restaurants, students are very much willing to forgive and forget their health code violations. To commemorate our most notorious health code offenders, 4E has rounded up all our favorite food establishments and their health code violations! We also realistically understand you’ll read this article and then go grab a bite to eat. See you there!

1. Dean and DeLuca, 2017

Not the first time its been closed for rodent infestation. But then again who in Georgetown can escape the rodent infestation?

http://wjla.com/news/local/dc-dept-of-health-closes-dean-deluca-in-georgetown-due-to-reported-rodent-infestation

2. Sweetgreen, 2013

Closed for “six critical violations of food code regulations, including an inaccessible hand-washing sink, a broken refrigerator, fruit flies and an expired business license.” Rough.

http://www.thehoya.com/sweetgreen-reopens-after-food-code-violations/

3. Mai Thai, 2017

Closed for apparent “drainage issues in the kitchen during maintenance work,” and mold in the ice machines. But real question how does their food come so fast???

https://www.washingtonian.com/2017/02/10/mai-thai-in-georgetown-closed-by-the-dc-health-department/

4. Whole Foods, 2017

Closed for violating “the District of Columbia food code regulations, which presents an imminent health hazard to the public.” But the only real hazard to our health is Whole Foods prices.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Glover-Park-Whole-Foods-Closed-for-Food-Code-Violations-413385753.html

5. Booeymongers, 2013

Closed for unclean food preparation, “mold on the ice machine and employees failing to use gloves during food preparation.” But let’s be honest: Most of us come for something that doesn’t need preparation and comes straight from a tap.

http://www.thehoya.com/after-2013-violations-local-eateries-adjust/

6. Wingos, 2012

Closed for violation of “improper holding temperatures, lack of proper date labels and improper food separation.” I mean, most of us eat Wingo’s at improper temperatures, with unknown dates, and no separation…it’s called the next morning.

http://www.thehoya.com/after-2013-violations-local-eateries-adjust/

7. Johnny Rockets, 2007

According to a health department report, health inspectors discovered “evidence of recent rodent activity,” including “gnawed hamburger buns.” The report said that improper disposal of trash and food debris had caused the rat infestation. The department closed the restaurant…” Maybe just get a milkshake?

http://www.thehoya.com/doh-shuts-down-johnny-rockets-for-health-violations/

8. Chipotle

I think we all ignored the Chipotle E. coli outbreak and we lined up for our burrito bowls the day they reopened. Just saying.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/11/02/chipotle-closes-43-restaurants-following-e-coli-outbreak/?utm_term=.ca6e3b1a7c89

9. Epicurean, 2009

Who knew our favorite late night eater was up to so much? I guess we were all a little too “busy” *cough* to notice. Here are Epi’s violations:

  • Food was not properly “segregated, separated, [or] protected.” At the sushi station, eggs were stored in a way where they might contaminate other foods.
  • The restaurant was cited for unclean and unsanitized food contact surfaces.
  • The restaurant’s food marking and disposal methods were cited.
  • Food and non-critical surfaces were not properly maintained. The restaurant was cited for improper “dishware washing sanitation, and frequency methods,” which includes silverware. The final rinse temperature of the dishwasher was not hot enough.
  • Hot and cold foods were stored at improper temperatures.
  • There was no consumer food advisory for raw or under-cooked food displayed at the sushi bar or on menus

https://blog.georgetownvoice.com/2010/03/15/epicurean-leos-tombs-and-bangkok-were-high-risk-violators-of-d-c-health-code-in-2009/

10. Leos, 2005, 2008, 2009, 2012

Are we even surprised?

http://www.thehoya.com/doh-hits-leos-with-seven-violations/

https://blog.georgetownvoice.com/2012/09/13/leos-health-inspection-reports-six-violations-third-level-risk-category/

Don’t worry we love you guys anyways!

images source: google images

What to Do on GAAP Weekend: Prospective Student Edition

Dear Class of 2021, and so on and so forth,

WELCOME to the Hilltop. D.C. or, as both the cool kids and the geotag call it, “the District,”  is breathtakingly beautiful and the Georgetown bubble (aka my happy place) is nestled in a cozy corner of this vibrant and inspiring city. Home to an ambitious and driven student body, professors for whom one is willing to spend hours studying on Lau 4 and one well-loved bulldog, Georgetown is well worth visiting. Sign up to have a Blue and Gray tour guide escort you along patios strewn with empty beer cans the Vil A rooftops and point out where Bill Clinton lived in Harbin Hall, before he left communal bathrooms and his cluster for a marginally-more-upscale White House residence. Additionally, please make note of following important “Do’s and Don’ts” of visiting our campus.

Don’t try to join the meme page

Please don’t pretend that you’re a non-conforming Jesuit teen. Prep school has not prepared you for this type of meme mastery. One ~incredibly persuasive~ reason to attend this university and surround yourself with peers who also did quite well on the SAT, is the high caliber of meme quality that you will find here. However, seeing as you don’t go here (yet), you probably won’t be able to fully appreciate our self-deprecating jokes. Additionally, by bemoaning the state of Leo’s, Lau and the basketball program, the meme page fails to highlight the many things that make Georgetown so wonderful, and we don’t want you to get the wrong impression.

Don’t disrespect Leo’s

What are the odds that Leo’s will look like the Hogwarts’ Great Hall after the remodel? (unfortunately slim..)

To the hordes of red-sweatshirt clad minions getting WAY too excited about the weird ice cream flavors and groups of parents concernedly poking at salads, I don’t really understand why you are here. First of all, it’s O’Donovan’s by the Waterfront, to you. You are not allowed to poke fun at Leo’s mysterious lack of forks, soggy scrambled eggs, or constant abundance of gross Rum Raisin ice cream unless you have spent 14-18 meals a week in this fine establishment, and Kim Kim knows you by name. Second, while Georgetown is truly an incredible place, our on-campus dining options are not the reason that my future children’s first words will be “Hoya Saxa.”

Don’t brag about going to Georgetown “Frat Parties”

I would like to help you make the important distinction between a “frat party” and a party (or awkward, sweaty gathering) thrown by a frat in a cramped and dimly lit Henle apartment. I suppose I am powerless to stop you from putting a video of yourself singing along to Closer on your Snapchat story or taking a shot of Vanilla Burnett’s (Disclaimer: teen drinking is very bad, and also illegal). Just know that you’re not as cool as you think you are.

Do bask in the glory of Healy Hall

Does looking up at the Healy clock tower give you chills? Copley Lawn, peppered with Hoyas studying on blankets, throwing frisbees and laughing with their friends, feels so perfectly collegiate. The idyllic-ness of the hundreds of color-coordinated tulips gently swaying in the breeze by the front gates (almost) justifies the exorbitant cost of arranging such botanical displays. Can you resist taking a picture with John Carroll? Of course not. He is the GOAT, and you probably won’t get in if you don’t document meeting him (in statue form). Please note, this is not all too good to be true. I can assure you that one year later, when I am hammocking with my favorite people on the front lawn, it still feels just as magical.

A few additional points of clarification:

  • If you got the impression on your tour that The Corp rules this campus, this intuition is quite correct.
  • Jack the Bulldog and I are in an exclusive relationship. Take as many pictures with him as you would like, but he and I have already booked a date for our Dahlgren Chapel wedding.

Photos/gifs: msfs.georgetown.edu, giphy.com, facebook.com

Georgetown Truth or Dares

On the weekend, Georgetown students face many different choices. To wake up for Leo’s brunch, or to forego food until 3 PM when Tapingo opens? To get homework done early on Saturday, or to leave it for Sunday? To go out, or to have a rousing night in with your ~ladies~?

If you decide to pick the latter, I would suggest a wild game of truth-or-dare. But why not take it a step further? Why not make it a game of Georgetown inspired truth or dare?

DARES

  1. Streak on Copley Lawn (we’re looking at you, Cait).
  2. Skinny dip in Dahlgren fountain.
  3. Steal Kim Kim’s panini press.
  4. Find a willing friend and make out with them on every floor of Lau.
  5. Go behind the Cosi counter and make your own meal to save yourself a two hour wait.

Truths

  1. Have you ever stolen something from Leo’s?
  2. Have you ever walked in on your roommate doing something awkward (i.e. lying naked on the bed singing, picking their nose, etc.)?
  3. Have you ever excessively complimented your professor in an effort to raise your grade (Problem of God is not as easy as people make it out to be…)?
  4. How many of your Flex Dollars go to late-night Epi quesadillas?
  5. Where is the most embarrassing/inconvenient place you have thrown up (I hear Walsh and White-Gravenor are not very accommodating)?

With Piano as a no-go and people getting too lazy to host parties what with mid-term season in full-swing, we at 4E hope this game of truth-or-dare can salvage your otherwise boring Friday night.

*Disclaimer: if you get caught doing any of these dares, we at 4E cannot be held responsible.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, gaap.georgetown.edu

A Guide To Scamming the Most Out of Free Food This GAAP Weekend

Welcome to Georgetown, new Hoyas! Your friends at 4E are so excited to meet you next year! Before you  arrive, hopefully you’re going to GAAP Weekend so you can celebrate and learn more about us, regular ole Hoyas. If you are, here’s how to scam the most out of free food this GAAP Weekend.

8:30 AM on Friday – Go to St. Mary’s for breakfast. They without a doubt have the best spread. From fresh fruit to small pieces of banana bread, the NHS (School of Nursing and Health Studies for the newbies) has too much food and not enough people to share it with.

1:45 PM on Friday – For those who want to be extra ~cultured~ be sure to hit up the SFS for some Qdoba. However, if you’re not about that, then go to the MSB. If you have to venture into ~The Snake Den~ for anything, it might as well be good food from a fancy restaurant.

6:00 PM on Friday – Starving after Convocation and can’t wait the 30 minutes it will probably take to walk to Tombs and get food? Walk for 1 minute instead from Healy to the ICC for the Multicultural Reception! It might will definitely be the best food you’ve had all day!

9:00 AM on Saturday – You could go to Leo’s for breakfast, and it will probably  definitely be the best Leo’s you’ll have in your Georgetown career, or you could knock on an unsuspecting upperclassmen’s Vil A door and beg food from them. No doubt they’ll take pity on you and attempt to give you something better (choose the door wisely).

12:00 PM on Saturday – Want free food AND clothing? Come to Red Square so that clubs can inevitably try to bribe you to join once you get here! The free swag and food ranging from Hershey’s Kisses to slices of pizza will be worth it. I promise.

Your friends at 4E sincerely hope that this list has helped you to scam the most food out of your GAAP Weekend and make it one you’ll never forget!

Gifs: giphy.com

99 Problems But Jesuit Values Ain’t One

My college career started off to a horrifically basic start. My roommate and I invited new friends to our room before heading over to the Natty-littered Village A rooftops. Word spread quickly of our plan to play pong and party, as thirty sweaty eighteen year-olds flooded my third floor, trash-hallway New South room.

Music was blasting, Burnett’s was flowing and introductions were a plenty; I was having a glorious time hosting new friends. However, in the middle of all-time anthemic banger “Closer,” there was a sudden knock on the door.

My roommate and I were written up for a noise complaint. We had no interest in writing a BS apologetic essay about “disturbing the peace of New South,” and instead wrote a rap about Georgetown’s Jesuit values. The piece, entitled “99 Problems but Jesuit Values Ain’t One,” was required to be spoken to our community director, peers and RAs. And we did it. And we went all in. Please enjoy, much to my humiliation.

99 Problems, but Jesuit Values Ain’t One

It was a Monday during NSO,
We didn’t know how to tell them to go.

Playing music and talking, way too loud,
til the RA on duty came around.

Disturbing the peace with all our brothers,
We were not being men and women for others.

And now we’re ready to apologize too,
By showing our knowledge of Jesuit values.

Cura personalis is what comes first,
Because care of the the person is not the worst.

Now that we’re Hoyas we need some balance,
By being kind neighbors we’ll show our prudence.

Through this rap we will make some penance,
Demonstrating the importance of academic excellence.

Academic excellence thats a must,
Because when you don’t it’s a sure bust.
We’ll have Jack DeGioa up in a fuss,
Going to Lau, getting those A’s, that’s prosperous.

Educating the whole person is essential,
It helps us reach our full potential.

Learning both in and out of classrooms,
Chilling in Lau or even at Tombs.

Here on the Hilltop we’re learning to be faithful,
Between justice and faith we are not hateful.

Rhymes smooth just like buttah,
Holla at St. Ignatius–that’s my brotha.
Came up with Men and Women for Othas,
Taught us values of character just like my motha.

Our bro Brahmanchari taught us inter-religious understanding,
All religions are welcome, each unique and expanding.

Expanded our horizons, went to Buddhist meditation,
Our years at Georgetown aid spiritual formation.

We love Georgetown because of its community in diversity,
It gives us a better world view within the University.

On the third floor we have peers from England, France and Spain,
Friends from far and wide make our lives less mundane.

Our thoughtful discussion after Pluralism in Action,
Brought us closer to diverse peers to our satisfaction.

Loving our neighbors before ourselves,
Helping the staff in Leo’s restock the shelves.

Doing what’s right, owning up to our mistakes,
Being faithful and just is all that is takes.

Teaching us lessons is what Georgetown does best,
Now we know better, we hashtag blessed.

Photos/gifs: som.georgetown.edu, giphy.com

Who Should Georgetown’s Next Basketball Coach Be?

Many Georgetown students and alumni have been waiting in high anticipation as the school searches for a new men’s basketball coach to replace the recently fired, John Thompson III. Names including Shaka Smart, Tommy Amaker, and Patrick Ewing have been discussed, but nobody really knows who the new coach will be until Georgetown announces it. In the meantime, here are some creative suggestions from Tyler Park (COL ’18), a contributing editor to The Hoya, on who might be able to fill the role.

1. Allen Iverson

Pros: A true Georgetown legend and perhaps the coolest player in NBA history, Iverson would have no trouble recruiting talent to come play for his team. Iverson said recently that he would never coach in the NBA because, “I ain’t coaching no motherf****** that make more money than me.” Well, good news — NCAA athletes, theoretically at least, aren’t paid at all! It’s a perfect fit!

Cons: The team would never practice, which might not bode well for their chances on the court.

2. Michael Scott

Pros: An exceptional leader who has built a strong culture in his current job, Michael Scott would bring a great sense of humor to the locker room, and to the media. Also, he has shown an interest in mentoring young people in the past, as shown by “Scott’s Tots” — you should re-watch this episode.

Cons: Showed questionable judgment during the one basketball game he actually coached. Inexplicably cut Kevin Malone from the roster, which is one of the worst managerial decisions any coach has ever made.

3. Bill Belichick

Pros: Winning Super Bowls might be getting too easy for Belichick, who could look for a new challenge in a new sport and a new city.

Cons: Unless we can recruit Tom Brady to play point guard, this might not go as well as it has for the Patriots.

4. John Thompson IV

Pros: Keep it in the family!

Cons: As far as I know, John Thompson IV does not exist.

5. Chris Grosse

Chris Grosse, Assistant Athletics Director for Marketing at Georgetown University

Pros: For those of you who don’t know Chris Grosse, he is the mind behind many of Georgetown’s recent creative marketing ideas, including “Hail to Kale” night, “Dad Bod,” day, and the Skater Jack bobblehead. Grosse is a creative talent and would be able to design a unique style of play to befuddle Georgetown’s opponents.

Cons: Grosse is pretty much irreplaceable as Georgetown’s marketing guy, so we would probably need to conduct another nationwide search to find his replacement. That seems counterproductive.

6. Eric Taylor

Pros: A true leader of men and a championship-level coach, Taylor has mentored some of the greatest athletes of our generation, including Tim Riggins, Vince Howard, and Matt Saracen. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.

Cons: He would probably have a pretty big adjustment transitioning from being a football coach to a basketball coach. Also, he’s another fictional character who doesn’t actually exist.

7. Barack Obama

Pros: Obama is currently out of work, knows the D.C. area, is passionate about the game of basketball, and would be able to recruit basically any player in the country. He also knows how to handle the media and is an excellent communicator.

Cons: I can’t really think of any reasons why this isn’t a great idea. Make it happen, Lee Reed!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, guhoyas.com

The Seven Personalities At Recruiting Events

Believe it or not, recruiting for internships in banking for the summer of 2018 is already starting. Yes, while some of us can barely find jobs (or pretty much anything to do) for this summer, the aspiring bankers of the Class of 2019 are already on the hunt for the summer internships that will, hopefully, turn into post-graduation jobs. In other news, here’s an accurate picture of my current status for next summer:

Fortunately for many students, the search for summer 2018 internships doesn’t start until a reasonable point sometime in the late fall or early spring. However, I actually attended a recruiting session and had the opportunity to really take a look at the people who surrounded me. For those of you who have never been to a recruiting event, here are some of the people you should expect to encounter.

1. The Classic MSBro
Majors: Finance and Accounting.
Minors: Econ, Math and networking like nobody’s business.

His first word was “money” and his eyes have been on Goldman Sachs from when he first researched the starting salaries of bankers (that is, the age of six).  A true go-getter, don’t expect him to take his eyes off the presenter. Also, don’t even think about trying to talk to him; he’s in the zone, which only has room for himself and the recruiters. He’ll be the first to jump out of his seat to talk to the professionals and tout his summer internship in his dad’s friend’s wife’s office downtown. Afterward, he’ll ask you what you thought of the information session. If you’re the non-finance type like me, you’ll probably look something like this:

2. The Classic MSB*tch
Majors: Finance and Accounting
Minor: Slaying the business professional game.

Straightened hair, polished glasses and an outfit that’s sharp AF, she’ll stroll into the information session and cast her eyes across the room as she surveys the competition. Expect to feel small and judged in her presence. On the prowl for that internship, she poses a threat to the MSBros in the room so you might to be able to detect some ~tension~. Fully aware of her prominence and intimidation, she owns it and takes a seat in the front row on the opposite side of the aisle from the MSBro. The MSB*tch serves as a clear reminder that the business world is not just for men.

3. College Crossovers
Major: Government and/or English

You might find yourself sitting next to someone who happens to be in the College. If they’re a Government and/or English major, then what are they doing at an information session for banking? The MSBros and MSB*tches glare in their direction, and you know they are surely staring down the competition. You discover that although your new acquaintance takes interest in non-business affairs, he/she has resigned himself/herself to working in the world of finance for the purpose of “making bank” (#getit?). Although you pity them for giving up on their major, you also admire them for their determination to fiscally succeed in life after Georgetown. Other reasons for their decision on banking may include following their family into the industry, to which you relate, so you decide to keep your seat next to your new friend.

4. The SFS Hardos
Majors: International Economics or International Political Economy

You may notice conversations taking place in multiple foreign languages. There is no doubt that some, if not most, of these students had better résumés as high school freshmen than you will as a Georgetown senior. They probably already have plans to climb the corporate hierarchy and totally revamp the company’s policies in the first two years after graduation. Meanwhile, you’re just hoping to not be fired and maybe even have some form of a significant other at that point in your life. Somehow, their career in banking relates to their ultimate life goals of becoming Secretary-General of the U.N. and/or President of the United States (after being CEO of the bank, of course).

5. The Unsure
Major: Undecided, duh.

Here is where you find yourself (or maybe that’s just me). You heard through the weekly email update from your respective school that a bank is coming to Georgetown that employs several alumni from your school. You do some research and find out that there’s actually something within the bank relevant to your major! You show up and quickly realize that this information session was geared more toward the financial-minded students, but you stay put out of respect and curiosity. You’ve never learned this much about the finance world because your Econ professor can’t keep your attention for more than five minutes, so you might as well try to pay attention now!

6. The Returning Students

Sitting in the front of the event, there are probably a few younger-looking professionals who happen to be students that have already signed with the company for a post-graduation job. Slightly uncomfortable yet also humored by the number of underclassmen scrambling for their former positions, these students amble around the room while the go-getters rush up to them and ask them about their favorite and least favorite parts of the company. These students are probably hoping to GTFO and head to Tombs ASAP.

7. Apathetic Wanders
Major: Mystery

As the last of the students file in as the session starts, a bright color catches your eye in the back. A single student, a lone ranger wanders in wearing a big, fat Hawaiian shirt. Completing the outfit with shorts and flip flops, he/she takes the absolute last spot in the room and leans against the wall. As soon as the presentation ends and the floor opens up for networking, your hero disappears from sight as he/she books it.

Happy recruiting season, Hoyas! May the odds be ever in your favor (and not that of the person sitting next to you).

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, usa network.com