What Clubs Famous People Would Be In At Georgetown

As one of the top 20 schools in the U.S. (and home to the hottest college men, according to Tinder), Georgetown is generally accepted as a place for the ~elite~.

We’re not an Ivy but… yeah, pretty much.

While a fair number of VIPs have walked these hallowed halls (I sometimes daydream about running into Bradley Cooper in the dish return at Leo’s), with a 16% acceptance rate, it’s hard to “catch ‘em all.”

I still cringe…

Once you’ve figured out what famous Hoya you are, come take a break from procrastinating for finals reality with me and imagine what clubs your favorite celebs would be in if they had sported the good ol’ blue and gray.

*wipes away tear*

The Kardashians – Thirty-Seventh

We all know that these gals enjoy the finer things in life. I can’t attest to their academic aspirations, but I have a good feeling that if Kardashoyans existed, they would be major contributors to Georgetown’s premier lifestyle and fashion blog. #Yeezys #For #All

If you stop reading 4E, Kim will be mad. 

Emma Watson – Blue and Gray

This is the friend that you want to hate but can’t because they’re just too nice. Smart, beautiful, vaguely international—they make Georgetown look damn good. You may resent this pal’s borderline *magical* talents, but you have to admit that this kid is going places.

A typical Georgetown know-it-all.

Mark Ruffalo – The Corp

To all my Ruffalovers out there, this one’s for you. This Bernie Bro can sport a knit fleece like no other, and will engage you in a long-winded discussion on conspiracy theories if you so much as whisper the words “inside job.” Can’t you imagine the man behind The Hulk, once dubbed a “sentient farmer’s market,” serving you your double shot of espresso at Midnight MUG with a crinkly, good-natured smile? We know we can.

That woven bracelet tho :-O

Ivanka Trump – GUASFCU

The First Daughter was a student in the MSB for two years before transferring to Penn (*cough* complicit). Her penchant for fancy shoes and ambiguous business buzz-words would make her a prime candidate for Georgetown’s most prestigious financial association.

If you don’t sleep in a suit, are you really an MSBro?

Zac Efron – GUGS

The High School Musical and Neighbors star is truly a man of the people. For this reason, he’d be a member of one of Georgetown’s most accepting clubs, flipping delicious meat spheres burgers for the masses on Friday afternoons. *sings We’re All In This Together with added enthusiasm*

 
If only Georgetown had real frats…
 
 
Stay warm, people. If Bradley Cooper made it through finals, so can we.
 
 
Photos/GIFS: youtube.com, giphy.com, fastccompany.net
 
 
 

50 Things Better Than SaxaNet

Despite being 3 months into a school year that has graced us with new Leo’s and a NUG, we still have no new SaxaNet. Maybe this is a cry for help or just an attempt to make sure that we live in a constant state of stress, but one thing is for sure: 4E is here to remind you of all of the things better than our current SaxaNet!

1 . GuestNet.

2. Wisey’s Rat. A cultural icon.

3. NUG (New Uncommon Grounds).

4. Being swerved by Patrick Ewing for a selfie.

5. A closed Quick Pita #neverforget #foreverinourhearts.

6. Sleeping on the ground, waiting for a speaker while it rains (HRC event last year I’m looking at you).

7. The VW Bus in Leo’s.

8. JT3.

9. Just getting up to the Vill A rooftops as the parties are being shut down.

10. Meek Mill getting arrested before Hoya Madness.

11. The President DeGioia Fathead on Vil A.

12. The lines at Whisk at 9 am.

13. Chik-Fil-A closing at 7 pm on a weeknight.

14. Class in St. Mary’s and then in Walsh 15 minutes later.

15. Drinking with your parents.

16. The 2008 Leo’s norovirus outbreak.

17. Walking up the Regents stairs.

18. Rain during the Farmer’s Market.

19. Rats scurrying across your path on the way to Lau 2.

20. The lack of soy milk AND a working blender at Midnight MUG.

21. The football team’s losing season (1-7).

22. Our rivalry with the Georgetown neighborhood.

23. Maintenance request response rates.

24. The lack of a Metro stop in Georgetown.

25. Walking up the Exorcist Steps.

26. LXR.

27. The one hour three hour wait for Cosí last year (#gonebutneverforgotten).

28. The Walsh elevator.

29. The emergence of Darnall as a #lit dorm.

30. Being rejected from Blue and Gray AND The Corp AND GUASFCU (Thanks Georgetown meme page for showing accurate feels!).

31. Going to Wisey’s at 11:15 pm and finding it closed.

32. The line on Tapingo for Bulldog at 8:01pm (#55thinlinereactsonly).

33. Meeting yet ANOTHER member of the #DirtyJerz during NSO.

34. The Lau fire alarm going off in the middle of midterms season.

35. Sweetgreen’s move to Wisconsin.

36. FINALLY seeing Jack on campus, but he’s not up for photos.

37. Using the last of your flex dollars.

38. Being such a Lau regular that the security guard recognizes doesn’t ask for your GoCard.

39. Starbucks not accepting your free drinks.

40. Paying for Chick-Fil-A.

41. Lau as an entity.

42. The prices at the bookstore.

43. Hilltoss’ new menu.

44. Only getting free samples of apples and peaches from the Farmer’s Market because you spent all of your money.

45. Taking your midterm and realizing that ~studying memes~ on Lau 4 last night did not help.

46. Getting to Farmers Fishers Bakers at 10:35am (just missing First Bake) and having no breakfast.

47. Eating at downstairs Leo’s.

48. Getting to class after your professor has started speaking.

49. Getting rejected from Piano in addition to getting your fake taken.

50. Reading this article using GuestNet.

As much as we complain about it, we can appreciate like understand Saxanet and its dysfunction. Hopefully by next finals season we’ll have a better version to hate!

Photos/GIFS: giphy.com, facebook.com, pinterest.com

15 People Sexier Than Blake Shelton

If you haven’t heard, Blake Shelton was recently named the Sexiest Man Alive. We here at 4E are unsure if it’s just us, or if everyone else also has trouble seeing what People Magazine and Gwen Stefani see (look below for reference).

To try and get some perspective on this confusing choice, here’s a list of 15 people we think are sexier than Blake Shelton:

  1. The pizza in the above gif
  2. Amanda Bynes
  3. The Wisey’s Rat
  4. Jack the Bulldog
  5. Bill Clinton
  6. Todd Olson
  7. Josh Peck (pre-not inviting Drake Bell to his wedding)
  8. Patrick Ewing
  9. Amanda Bynes in “She’s the Man”
  10. The Dad from “Drake and Josh”
  11. Jack the Bulldog on a skateboard
  12. Kim Kim (we still miss you on the panini press)
  13. John DeGioia
  14. Todd Olson in full convocation garb
  15. Bradley Cooper

We at 4E simply cannot fathom how none of these fine options preceded Blake Shelton. People Magazine, we urge you to take into account this definitive list before choosing your ~Sexiest Man Alive~ next year.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tvguide.com

What Famous Hoya Are You?

College is a time of great uncertainty. Everyday, we ask ourselves: “What will I do with my life?” “Who will I be when I grow up?” “Why did I decide to major in English?”

We know these questions might seem scary, but 4E is here to help you procrastinate writing that essay for another five minutes discover who you really are. Take this quiz, and finally find an answer to the timeless question:

What Famous Hoya Are You?

 

Photos: tumblr.com

 

Bill Clinton: A True Hoya

As you may have heard, Georgetown’s very own prodigal son is returning home to the Hilltop this week. And as cynical as we usually are here at 4E, this is actually a pretty cool thing. After all, since the events of the past year have forced us to acknowledge that Eric Trump, Steve Bannon, and Paul Manafort are technically alumni, we need to celebrate the Hoyas who didn’t collude with Russia have made a positive impact in the world now more than ever.

But as you prepare to camp outside Gaston to hear his speech, many of you who were born in the late-90s may be asking yourselves, “Who is Bill Clinton?” We know from eavesdropping on Blue and Gray tours that he certainly attended Georgetown, but is he really a Hoya? If he were a student today, would he regularly attend Jersey Night? Would he mourn the loss of Quick Pita? Would he post in the meme group? And more importantly, would his memes be dank?  To try to answer some of these pressing questions, we here at 4E briefly skimmed carefully read and took diligent notes on Bill Clinton’s autobiography, My Life, and came to the following conclusion:

Bill Clinton is a true Hoya.

Take a look at our reasoning below:

1. He Loves Wisey’s

The Quote: “At Wisemiller’s Deli, just across Thirty-sixth Street from the Walsh building where I had most of my classes, I got coffee and two donuts for twenty cents every morning

Our Analysis: Like all good Hoyas, Bill Clinton both loves Wisey’s and eats there way too much. He definitely would have voted for the Hot Chick/Chicken Madness ticket back in the infamous GUSA election of 2016, and is surely a strong supporter of our unofficial school mascot, The Wisey’s Rat™. So the next time you feel guilty about eating Wisey’s cookies for breakfast as you walk in 15 minutes late to your class on the fourth floor of Walsh because the elevator was taking forever, just remember that you will probably grow up to be the President of the United States.

When you call your order in and the wait is only 10 minutes

2. He Never Leaves Campus

The Quote:In my first two years, I rarely ventured beyond the confines of the University and its immediate surroundings”

Our Analysis: For a true Hoya, Burleith is as exotic as it gets. Yes, just like a vast majority of Hoyas, Bill Clinton fell victim to the Georgetown Bubble. And yes, we know D.C. is a world-class city full of renowned food, art, and culture, but the whole Metro system is confusing and not a lot of places take GoCard. True Hoyas stick to complaining about the lack of options at Leo’s and only venture beyond M street once a semester for Instagram-related purposes. Also “immediate surroundings” is definitely code for Chi Di. We’ll see you there on Thursday, Bill. Hopefully you have a good ID though, they’ve been pretty tough this year.

When someone suggests you should “explore D.C. more”

3. He Embraces Our “Sleep When You’re Dead” Culture

The Quote: “My most memorable class sophomore year was Professor Walter Giles’s U.S. Constitution and Government… By the time I got to his class I had embraced my lifelong affinity for sleep deprivation and had developed the sometimes embarrassing habit of falling asleep for five or ten minutes of class”

Our Analysis: Same, Bill Clinton. Same. Does it even qualify as a Georgetown class if more than half its students are awake at any given time? Whether it’s in a lecture hall, on Healy Lawn, or in the middle of a professor’s office hours (it happened once), falling asleep at inappropriate times is what we Hoyas do best. Honestly, Bill Clinton, props for doing this well in an era before you could try to stay awake by scrolling through memes on Facebook while the professor thinks you’re taking notes. Side note to any of my professors who accidentally clicked on this article: I love your class! Keep up the good work!

When the professor makes eye contact during the lecture and you have to act like you’re deep in thought over whatever they just said

4. He Has a Capitol Hill Internship

The Quote: On interning for Arkansas Senator William Fulbright, “It was easy to fit the job into my daily schedule, partly because in junior year only five courses were required instead of six, partly because some classes started as early as 7 a.m.”

Our Analysis: If you hadn’t already guessed, Bill Clinton was in the SFS. This quote confirms it. I can practically hear this quote telling me he’s a STIA major and that he has to go study for MAP. Even today, when Bill Clinton meets new people, I guarantee you that he finds some way to mention the SFS. This guy is a Hoya.

When it’s been five minutes and no one has asked about your foreign service background yet

5. He Loves The Tombs

The Quote:My favorite haunts in Georgetown were the Tombs, a beer hall in a cellar beneath the 1789 restaurant, where most of the students went for beer and burgers

Our Analysis: Bill Clinton’s Tombs Night was definitely lit. But not too lit, like where you had to call GERMS and the whole night was ruined. It was just the right level of lit, like where everybody danced to “In Da Club” by 50 Cent when the clock hit midnight, and then Bill Clinton got a great Instagram pic of his forehead being stamped by the Tombs bouncer. Every Hoya since John Carrol has made some of their greatest memories at the Tombs. Need we say more?

Actual photo of Bill Clinton getting his forehead stamped on his Tombs Night. On an unrelated note, yes, I am available for freelance photoshop jobs. Serious inquiries only.

So there you have it: Bill Clinton is a Georgetown Hoya. Our diligent research has definitively proved it. We hope you all have fun accidentally falling asleep learning a lot at his speech on Monday- and huge props to the team over at #GUPolitics for making this happen! No disrespect to the time you got Martin O’Malley to play his guitar in McShain Lounge, but this is definitely much cooler than that.

Sources: My Life by Bill Clinton, Tombs.com, Facebook.com, giphy.com, Georgetowndc.com, georgetown.edu

Am I Too Old For This?

As you sip a Natty at a crowded pregame or wait in line for ~another~ Epi Quesadilla, some of you upperclassmen out there might be pondering a timeless question. To help you find answers, we here at 4E have compiled a list of ten things that you can and can’t do after your freshman year. So pause for a moment and ask yourself…

Am I too old for this?

1) Taking a basic picture of Healy Hall. We all did this within our first days on the Hilltop, and, though we cringe at others for snapping the famed clocktower, most still look at Healy in awe.

Verdict: No, but expect some judgement.

2) Going to frat basement parties. Though I have gone on my fair share of SAE Foxfield buses or Zeta Psi booze cruises, frat parties feel increasingly more like events for freshman. Please let my days of partying in a suspiciously wet Sig Ep basement be over. I would take a Piano Bar night filled with only adults over this. Enough is enough. That being said, the frat boys and pledge bros are still wonderful.

Verdict: Probably yes, unless you are in a frat, in which case, please attend your own events.

3) Waiting in the Georgetown Cupcake line. I didn’t even do this as a freshman because WHO HAS THE TIME?? Waiting 40 minutes for a $4 cupcake with too much frosting is never worth it.

Verdict: Yes, go to Baked & Wired instead.

4) Attending Jersey Night or Thursday Chi Di. Does anyone care?

Verdict: see you all there!!!

5) Getting lost on campus. Our campus is literally 1/18 the size of a state school’s, so I’m pretty sure you should know every building after a few months. Specifically, I mean people struggling with Maguire. I don’t understand why this is the specific location no one can find. The Jesuits are judging you!

Verdict: Get a map. Then again, it’s totally fine if we’re talking about the ICC.

6) Drinking Burnett’s. Not everyone is too old for this, but I can say with some certainty, while nursing my current raging hangover, that I should be upgrading beyond the likes of Mango Burnett’s. I am only too old for this in the ~health~ way. Will I give it up? Likely not — I have a budget.

Verdict: Yes, but who cares?

7) Referencing the Georgetown meme page. Judging by my alumni friends who find the meme page hilarious, there’s no harm in still talking about a classic “Everyone from Georgetown lives in New Jersey or Connecticut”.

Verdict: No, keep tagging away.

8) Village A Rooftop Parties. Power to you if you get there before GUPD shuts it down. Nevertheless, it remains a classic spot on Homecoming and Georgetown Day.

Verdict: Yep…  it’s never worth it to be honest.

9) Applying to clubs. While the process certainly becomes more cynical as you get older, you should join anything you want at any age. (I hear 4E accepts freshmen to seniors).

Verdict: No, college is about finding yourself and all that #wholesome.

10) ~Hanging out~ in a freshman dorm. Do you!!!!! Just be safe!!!!!!!!!

Verdict: Just don’t go to Darnall.

And with that, we hope you act your age!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, knowyourmeme.com

Your Thought Process When You See a Fellow Hoya on Tinder

We at Georgetown have a unique way of doing just about everything. From bragging about being busy, to blowing up our favorite sandwich shop for falling victim to the ~Great Wisey’s Rat Scandal of 2017~, Hoyas have many strange ways. In 4E’s latest exposé, we learned this extends to Tinder. Here are the steps you take as a Hoya when you see a fellow Hilltopper on everyone’s favorite dating app:

  1. Check your mutual friends: This is the most pivotal step. The last thing you want to do is swipe right on someone that you will 100% actually come into ~real-life~ human contact with. That’s not the point of Tinder. If you two have more than 20 mutual friends, you might actually know this person: you had deep, meaningful conversations with met a lot of people during NSO. 
  2. Make sure she’s not the girl that sometimes sits next to you during CPS recitation: I know you can’t quite remember what that girl looks like. You know she has brown hair. Wait, maybe she has blond hair? I’m pretty sure her name is Catherine. Or Katie? Caitlyn???? Nah, this isn’t her.
  3. Read her bio: The bio can give you vital clues in your quest to figure out if you know this girl or not. She’s from New Jersey. She’s a Gov major and an Econ minor. She really likes Netflix. She’s so chic just like literally every girl you’ve met since you’ve been here.
  4. Stare at her for another minute: This is the last step in making sure you do not know this girl. It’s always good to squint, and turn your phone brightness all the way up.
  5. Double-triple check that it’s not your biology TA: It could be. You’ve only been to recitation like twice.
  6. Swipe right: You’re now sufficiently positive that you have never met this girl and will probably not meet her in the near future. She’s perfect to swipe right on. I hope you guys match, see each other one night on a Vil A rooftop, and awkwardly not to talk to each other.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com

A Guide To Homecoming

Yes, it’s sadly still midterm season, which means that you’re probably reading this article on Lau 2 while simultaneously crafting a last-minute email to your professor begging for an extension. But now it’s time for you to take a break from the stress and completely ignore all your responsibilities, because #HoyaHomecoming is officially upon us. In honor of the one day a year we can kind of act like a state school, we here at 4E have complied a helpful guide to make sure that your Homecoming experience is a success.

#HoyaHomecoming 2017, colorized.

Remember: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Look, we’ve all been there: You and 20 of your closest friends are crammed into a 12×15 foot dorm room. You’re looking ~fresh~ in your very original, one-of-a-kind, totally unique Georgetown basketball jersey. Your signature song (“Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira) is playing, and that cutie from your Econ class is definitely taking notice of your impressive dabbing ability. Needless to say, the pregame is ~lit~. And at some point, this level of “litness” will likely inspire you to “go all out” for #HoyaHomecoming and do one of the following: A) Take way too many shots of Fireball B) Take way too many shots of Lime Burnett’s or C) Chug an entire can of Four Loko.

As you consider your options, 4E is here to give you some friendly advice: DON’T DO IT. Under the florescent lights of that sweaty dorm room, we know it may seem like a good idea, but trust us, in a few hours, you will come to the painful realization that it was not. The key to a successful Homecoming is to pace yourself. Unlike a normal night out, you will be expected both to stay awake for more than four hours and to functionally interact with actual adults in a non-Piano-Bar-setting. Neither of those things will be possible if you achieve maximum “litness” at 9 a.m. And as you make your decisions about how much to drink throughout the rest of the day, just remember that while Homecoming may be temporary, Snapchat screenshots are forever.

Love Thy Neighbor.

If you remember anything from last year’s homecoming, you’ll remember that our neighbors literally hate us. And noise. And alcohol. And anything even remotely resembling fun. So despite the fact that they knew ~Georgetown~ University was located here when they made the decision to move to ~Georgetown~, they will not hesitate to call the feds S.N.A.P.S on us if they catch the slightest whiff of Burnett’s or hear even the faintest hint of “Mr. Brightside” coming from a townhouse. Unfortunately for many of our readers out there, what this means is that most of your upperclassman friends will probably not be cool with you and every other member of Darnall 5 crashing their party.

But don’t worry! Getting rejected from and/or getting kicked out of at least one party is basically a #HoyaHomecoming rite of passage. And there are still plenty of other fun ways for you to spend your day! You can wander aimlessly around the neighborhood and engage in some classic Georgetown traditions, such as sprinting away from GUPD cars, getting yelled at by old people who may or may not be John Kerry, and searching for half-empty cans of Natty that have been discarded on the street.

Back on campus, you can easily sneak into pay for a ticket to the tailgate on Regents lawn- here you can do some cool stuff like get a sunburn and make awkward small talk with alumni while you wait in the food line for 20 minutes. And of course, if all else fails, we’ll always have the Vil A rooftop. Nothing says #HoyaHomecoming quite like gazing out at that beautiful Arlington skyline as you watch  your classmates come dangerously close to falling over the railing.

Georgetown residents upon seeing even a single red solo cup

Water. Food. Rest. Repeat.

Remember what I said earlier about pacing yourself? I can already tell that you didn’t listen to me. Now you’re exhausted, your phone is dead, and you’re sitting on the floor of a New South bathroom, wondering where it all went wrong. You’ve managed to lose both your dignity and your GoCard- and it’s still only noon. Bet you don’t feel so “lit” anymore, huh? But don’t despair – 4E is here to save you! First, you need to walk/crawl to the nearest vending machine/sink/Dahlgren Fountain, and HYDRATE. You are in desperate need of H2O. Drink up.

Next, you need to eat something that will help counteract the consequences of that last Natty you ~regrettably~ decided to shotgun. If you can’t talk your way back into the tailgate to acquire some free pizza, we recommend you stick with what you know and head on over to Wisey’s. After all, the best Chicken Madnesses are the ones you don’t remember eating.

Finally, your phone isn’t the only thing that needs to recharge. Whether it’s in your own bed or in the middle of Healy Lawn, you need to take a power nap. Find a spot, tell a friend to wake you up in an hour and pass out. Don’t worry, the Vil A rooftop isn’t going anywhere. There will be plenty more opportunities to embarrass yourself when you wake up.

You at Homecoming if you ignore my advice

Make Memories

As a distinguished member of the class of ‘85 drunkenly yelled at me during Homecoming last year once told me, college is the best four years of your life. I know this may not seem true as you stress-cry while writing a paper on Lau 2 at 4 a.m., but Homecoming gives you the perfect opportunity to rediscover why you first fell in love with Georgetown all those year(s) ago. So don’t be afraid to belt out the (probably wrong) lyrics to the fight song when someone inevitably starts up a bad acapella rendition in the middle of a party. Don’t be afraid to make valuable future business connections new friends as you wait in line for food at the tailgate. Don’t be afraid to break your wrist from falling off of the John Carrol statue while trying to take that perfect #HoyaHomecoming Instagram.

Because we here at 4E want to let you in on a secret: our sources can confirm that the real world is a scary place. Apparently, once you turn 23, it is suddenly no longer acceptable to sleep until 2 p.m. every day, or eat chicken fingers for every meal, or religiously attend an event called “Jersey Night” every Wednesday. And so, my fellow students, be sure to enjoy every moment of your time here on the Hilltop. And to all the alumni out there reading this guide with a mix of shock, nostalgia, and anticipation, we leave you with the immortal words of Saint John Thompson Jr: “If I can’t go to Heaven, take me back to Georgetown.”

See you soon, and Hoya Saxa.

P.S: Please actually make good choices! And remember that GERMS can always be reached at 202-687-4357.

Sources: giphy.com/ Lauinger Library

Meet Your 2017 Mr. Georgetown Candidates!

If the competition to find a ticket were not fierce enough, the competition for the crowning of Mr. Georgetown Class of 2017 promises to be one of the fiercest ever. From its promises of song to dance to talents never before seen in Gaston Hall, this year’s lineup is sure to make the judges’ decision a difficult one.

Will they have you looking like this?

Or like this?

Without further ado, 4E presents your candidates for this year’s Mr. Georgetown Pageant:


  • Name: Navneet Vishwanathan, Mr. SAS
  • Hometown: Nanuet, N.Y.
  • School: SFS
  • Major: International Economics
  • What do you love most about your organization? The best thing about SAS is deep cultural involvement and the environment that it builds. SAS really is a home away from home because of how uniquely I’m able to relate to the community and express my heritage and upbringing with similar peers. On top of that, SAS does a great job of extending this to the greater Georgetown community through Rangila and other programs that allow me to share my background with everyone. All that and the food of course, food is the best. Food is good.
  • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far, what would the title be? Not a biography, a cookbook. “Big Data, Baseball, and Masala: A guide to spicing up your regression models.”
  • What is your most beautiful feature? My beard. It’s my most distinguishing feature and TBH is pretty luscious. I shampoo it daily with a pineapple- and lemon-based beard wash with chunks to exfoliate. After that I use a pine-scented balm to tame and moisturize it.

  • Name: Matthew Amberger, Mr. GUGS
  • Hometown: Staten Island, N.Y.
  • School: MSB
  • Major: Finance/OPIM
  • What do you love most about your organization? The thing that I love most about GUGS is the sense of community that permeates the club. Despite members having such varying backgrounds and career paths, we all share the common bond of loving barbecuing and eating delicious food.
  • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? My favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page was the one that was actually directed at GUGS. It was at a time when it was popular to send a DM to any club/business asking something that people really didn’t know the answer to. In this case, it asked, “Why are our burgers so round?” I found this to be so funny because we get asked this question all of the time, and while the answer is obvious to our members, we realize our burgers definitely aren’t “normal.” The real answer to the question is that we are required to serve our burgers well-done, so by having them rolled into a ball, they can stay juicy while still being a full meal.
  • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far, what would the title be? The autobiography title would be “Yes, but Without the H.” I can’t count the amount of times that I’ve introduced myself and people thought my last name was actually hamburger. To be fair, for the past three years I’ve been in a club dedicated to making burgers, so it’s very fitting, but this funny interaction has been around since I was in kindergarten. While many things have changed since the first time it happened, this little joke has been one of the few constants in my life.

  • Name: Austin Rose, Mr. Club Soccer
  • Hometown: Frederick, Md.
  • School: College
  • Major: Government
  • What do you love most about your organization? Soccer has always been an important part of my life, and I love getting to play with a great group of guys at Georgetown. Admittedly, I peaked in my middle school rec league, but I still like to get out there to stretch my legs for a solid 10 minutes before returning to the bench.
  • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? The “send nukes” meme. I really respect Jawad for actually sending the message to professor Kroenig, and I think such healthy dialogue between a progressive student and an outspoken neocon represents what Georgetown is all about.
  • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far what would the title be? “The Chronicles of Yeah Boiiii.” I’m a very upbeat and enthusiastic person, and every once and a while I like to let out a big old “Yeah Boiiii” when I’m feeling high on life. I also really identify with the Yeah Boiii Youtube legend, and have been practicing for years to emulate his tone and endurance.

  • Name: Ari Goldstein, Mr. JSA
  • Hometown: San Francisco, Calif.
  • School: College
  • Major: Government
  • What do you love most about your organization? I love how good JSA is at including and celebrating the diversity that exists within Georgetown’s Jewish community. Some Hoyas identify as cultural Jews, some as religious Jews, others as spiritual Jews, and still others as political Jews or familial Jews, but JSA has always treated this diversity as our strength, fostering a culture of both dialogue and celebration. I actually think that’s no small feat for an organization that’s supposed to represent an entire community. Also, we have monthly brunches with bagels and lox, which is my other favorite thing.
  • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far what would the title be? I’d probably call it “National Treasure: Book of Secrets,” for obvious reasons.
  • Who is your favorite Georgetown alum? Definitely Benjamin Franklin Gates, AKA Nicolas Cage’s character in the “National Treasure” movies. There’s no way he could have stolen the Declaration of Independence without studying American history (and maybe stealing the clock hands?) at Georgetown.

  • Name: Matt Linz, Mr. Club Swim
  • Hometown: Randolph, N.J.
  • School: College
  • Major: Biology
  • What do you love most about your organization? There’s a pretty strong sense of community. It runs the whole spectrum; we all bond for 10 hours driving to Club Swimming Nationals in Atlanta every April, but we also ask each other for feedback on memes.
  • What is your most beautiful feature? Maybe my sense of humor … but probably my butt. Hopefully that’ll explain itself during the group dance portion of Mr. Georgetown!
  • Who is your favorite Georgetown alum? Jackie Kennedy Onassis. I love how gracefully she carried herself. I think it’s a little-known fact that she took continuing education classes in American history here. My favorite high school teacher instilled in me a fondness for president and president-adjacent factoids; I have a head full of trivia.

  • Name: Max Wolfgang Rosner, Mr. Knights of Columbus
  • Hometown: South Side of Chicago, Ill.
  • School: College
  • Major: Theology/Government
  • What do you love most about your organization? It’s the only organization — at least that I know of — that works toward social justice and views a sheathed sword as a socially acceptable fashion accessory.
  • What is your most beautiful feature? My calves. Louis XIV believed a strong, toned, hairy set were the pinnacle of beauty. I got to play the Sun King for a dance performance in my French history course last semester. It was a liberating experience.
  • Who is your favorite Georgetown alumn? Trevor McLean. (Disclosure: Trevor McLean is a judge for Mr. Georgetown 2017.)

  • Name: Dan Fain, Mr. Ultimate Frisbee
  • Hometown: Madison, Wis.
  • School: College
  • Major: Economics
  • What do you love most about your organization? I love that for four hours every week I get to practice with my best friends and forget about everything else going on in my life.
  • What is your most beautiful feature? My calves. Fourteen years of Irish dance have sculpted them well.
  • Who is your favorite Georgetown alum? Preston B. Whitmore. It’s hard to beat someone who rediscovered the lost city of Atlantis.

  • Name: Tyler Kranawetter, Mr. GIVES
  • Hometown: Laguna Hills, Calif.
  • School: College
  • Major: Biochemistry
  • What do you love most about your organization? I love the inclusive atmosphere of friends GIVES creates. Anyone can join and be my friend, and I’m always desperate for more friends.
  • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? It’s the truest of feelings, but GIVES won’t do that to you!
  • What is your most beautiful feature? My blue eyes because my parents both have brown, so I am genetically very lucky I ended up with them.

  • Name: Ben Costanza, Mr. Phantoms
  • Hometown: Rochester, N.Y.
  • School: College
  • Major: Government
  • What do you love most about your organization?As a musical style, a cappella is incredibly unique, as it promotes both individualism and community. Each person is responsible to have a complete mastery of his or her own part; however, that part is meaningless by itself. Only when sung with those of the other group members does it gain true value — and become art. Regarding the Phantoms specifically, we sing “Like a Prayer” by Madonna sometimes, and that’s pretty fun.
  • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? This one because it has the least amount of likes, making it the most exclusive and therefore the most valuable.
  • Who is your favorite Georgetown alum? It’d have to be a three-way tie between Leo O’Donovan (for his hall’s chicken fingers), Antonin Scalia (for his Supreme Court appointment capping off an evolution of the social and political standing of Italian-Americans in the United States), and my friend Ed Crotty (for telling funny jokes).

    • Name: Cameron Perales, Mr. APO
    • Hometown: Laguna Hills, Calif.
    • School: College
    • Major: History/Classical Studies
    • What do you love most about your organization? What I love most about APO is that we’re a family of people who are committed to helping others as best we can. Service to others is at the core of what we stand for as an organization, and its truly rewarding to see the impact we can have on our community, and that impact brings us together in a deep and authentic way.
    • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? This one. Why? Because traffic on the 5 and the 405 are a way of life. #WestCoastBestCoast
    • What is your most beautiful feature? Once my middle school nurse abruptly paused in the middle of talking to me about my broken thumb, held up my entire hand and examined it for a long 30 seconds. After she finished she said with a tinge of jealousy that I have perfect nail buds. So I guess I have that going for me, which is nice.

      • Name: Danny Frumento, Mr. NSO
      • Hometown: Valley Stream, N.Y.
      • School: College
      • Major: Government/Theater
      • What do you love most about your organization? NSO has the ability to shape new students like no other organization on campus can. Someone’s experience in NSO can completely shape the rest of their time at Georgetown. The friends they make and the memories they share will be lifelong, and it was an honor being able to have a hand in impacting so many new students and families’ lives.
      • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? I’m a lonely soul, and sometimes a fella needs some love.
      • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far, what would the title be? It’s Been Downhill From There: A Story of How I Peaked in High School” … because I peaked in high school.

        • Name: Nick Na, Mr. FOCI
        • Hometown: Atlanta, Ga.
        • School: SFS
        • Major: International Political Economy
        • What do you love most about your organization? Everybody’s going to probably say “I love my organization because community” or “it’s the people” or maybe they’ll even throw in the casual “cura personalis.” I’m going to be edgy and say I love FOCI for its fo-love for fo-puns because fo-tastic focians are fo-eva using them at all our focials. fofofofofofofofo.
        • What is your most beautiful feature? I’d have to say my most attractive feature is my big toe. Back in Atlanta, they used to call my toe “biggie smalls” because it’s the biggest of all my small toes. Its sensual curvature and mellifluous scent can even excite old ladies on New Jersey beaches.
        • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far, what would the title be? “Pretty Boy Swag.” Self-explanatory.

          • Name: Max Hartley, Mr. GOLD
          • Hometown: Cincinnati, Ohio
          • School: MSB
          • Major: Finance/Accounting
          • What do you love most about your organization? GOLD (or Georgetown Opportunities for Leadership Development) is a great organization designed to help young people on campus blossom into well-balanced and capable leaders. What I love most about GOLD is being able to see every person who joins GOLD grow as both a leader and person as well as apply what they learn in their other activities.
          • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? As an RHO worker, I can’t say this is a direct quote from my resume, but what I can say is that working at the RHO has provided me a vast array of both technical and people skills that are unparalleled through any other on-campus experience.
          • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far, what would the title be? “Living Life to The Max,” because who wouldn’t want their autobiography to then become a made for TV Disney movie with the movie title already included. I guess I also like having no regrets, but that is strictly secondary.

            • Name: Jesse McNeill, Mr. Outdoor Ed
            • Hometown: Chevy Chase, Md.
            • School: College
            • Major: Environmental Biology
            • What do you love most about your organization? Chill peeps. Good vibes.
            • What is your most beautiful feature? I have a 1.7-inch nipple hair. Very impressive.
            • If you were to write an autobiography about your life so far, what would the title be? “Why Am I Sweating? A Memoir.”

              • Name: Alex Roberds, Mr. Pep Band
              • Hometown: St. Louis, Mo.
              • School: SFS
              • Major: Regional and Comparative Studies
              • What do you love most about your organization? I know you’ll get a lot of this, but I love the community that pep band creates for its members. I love being in a group that cares so much about Georgetown, music, and each other.
              • What is your favorite meme in the Georgetown meme page? It has to be this one. I think most people can relate to this one. I think it could say “three hours later” and it would still work for Georgetown. People are very passionate about their political beliefs, which can lead to some serious (and often entertaining) debates.
              • What is your most beautiful feature? Definitely my eyes. I’ve never been able to get a consensus on what color my eyes are. I get a variety of answers, most typically blue or green (or both), sometimes hazel and even gray. Regardless of what color they are on any given day, though, you’re certain to get lost in them.

                • Name: Johnathan Marrow, Mr. Philodemic
                • Hometown: Princeton, N.J.
                • School: College
                • Major: History
                • What do you love most about your organization? In the Philodemic, we take ideas as seriously as we take people. Anyone can show up and argue on a side of our debate and we’re forced to listen and hear them out, to respond and engage. It’s a tradition we’ve been carrying on for 187 years: It never gets old and it’s always worthwhile. Plus, we dress fancy, have some funny titles, and we’re generally a bunch of radical conformist eccentrics. And I like to talk a lot.
                • Who is your favorite Georgetown alum? William Gaston, Georgetown’s first-ever student … and first-ever dropout. Also a U.S. congressman. Setting the standards for Hoyas since 1791.
                • What is your most beautiful feature? My modesty. It’s one of my best qualities ever. No one has better modesty than me.

                  • Name: Larenz Griggs, Mr. BSA
                  • Hometown: Atlanta, Ga.
                  • School: College
                  • Major: Psychology
                  • What do you love most about your organization? I love how proud we are of our identities. Though everyone is different in some kind of way, we’re all one huge family at the end of the day, and that’s hard to come by.
                  • Who is your favorite Georgetown alum? My favorite Georgetown alum is Ettian Scott, because he took me under his wing when I was an underclassman and helped me in numerous ways to maneuver throughout Georgetown. He is one of my closest friends, and we still stay in contact.
                  • What is your most beautiful feature? My most beautiful feature is probably my unapologetically, outgoing/weird personality. Though I’m a student-athlete, most people I meet say I don’t fit the stereotype. I’m extremely silly and love to laugh. I’d also rather watch anime or “Game of Thrones” before watching ESPN. Not to mention, I enjoy poetry slams and going to jazz restaurants.

                    • Name: Brian Bies, Mr. Escape
                    • Hometown: Potomac, Md.
                    • School: MSB
                    • Major: Marketing/Management
                    • What do you love most about your organization? The people. There’s a story blog campaign on the ESCAPE Facebook page called “Essence of ESCAPE.” It is about sharing the stories, backgrounds, and experiences of the 42 Leaders part of this year’s Leaders (Team 27 Universe). They are relatively short posts, but they better illustrate how inspiring the ESCAPE community is to be a part of: 42 Posts, 42 Awesome Humans! I met my best friend on ESCAPE — ESCAPE brings people from all across campus, regardless of creed, faith or identity; it is wonderful to see the magic of ESCAPE in this way.
                    • Who is your favorite Georgetown alum? I know, “National Treasure” is a movie and “Scandal” is a TV Show, but they epitomize how great Georgetown is: Ben’s love of history, wanting to do something greater than himself (#JesuitValues), and he is portrayed by the iconic Nicolas Cage. Olivia Pope is a badass (no other word for it), as she is passionate and determined: She developed her reputation as the best fixer in D.C. because she accomplishes what no one else can! Who doesn’t want to be like Kerry Washington/Olivia Pope?
                    • What is your most beautiful feature? I just asked one of my housemates/best friend at Georgetown, Daniel Ernst, and he immediately said, “your eyes,” which is funny because I don’t actually know the color of my eyes! Depending on the circumstances, some people will say they are green, and others will say they are brown.

                    So, whose got your vote? Come out on Nov. 4 to find out who will be crowned ~King~.

        Photos Courtesy of Georgetown Program Board; electricalalliance.org

Worst Nightmares as a TedX Speaker

Georgetown’s latest TedX conference is this Saturday, October 28th (register here for free!), and we here at 4E have the ~inside scoop~. Our very own Jenna Clifford (me) will be speaking. How did this happen? Was it a mistake? It very well could have been, but my 15 minutes are locked in and, until someone confirms his or her mishap, I will be stumbling to the top of Gaston stage this Saturday. In addition to my realization of this mistake, I wanted to take the time to share some of my worst nightmares regarding this coming weekend. Here it goes:

  1.  FALLING


    **Sneak peek of my talk**: I did, indeed, fall face-first down the career center’s stairs after a consulting interview. Thus, there is a very real possibility that it could happen again. If it does, please laugh with me rather than acting like it didn’t happen while I collect myself and walk the rest of the way out of the building while all the audience’s silent gaze stares me down.

  2. A Freudian Slip


    Did you ever call your teacher, “mom?” I have to remember my entire speech, AND my mom is going to be there … for a solid 15 minutes of potential word slips.

  3. Did I mention my mom is coming?


Honestly, I’m not sure what’s worse: that she is going to have time alone with my friends, or that my friends will have time alone with her. The potentially embarrassing possibilities are endless. We’ll see how this goes.

BUT, YEAH, REGISTER HERE TODAY

Editor’s Note: 4E is so incredibly proud to have one of our own grace TedX’s stage. Even if you fall down and accidentally call us “Mom,” we still love you, Jenna! Photos/Gifs: writtenbyniki.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com, the hoya.com