March Sadness: Georgetown Edition

As the real March Madness came to an end, we here at 4E decided to give some ~content~ to all of Hoya Nation who had to sit through another NCAA Tournament without a team to root for.

We all have places on campus where we like to be sad. Whether it’s public, private, has beautiful views, reinforces the stresses of everyday life, allows you to forget about your issues or just involves you staring at your pillow, we all can root for our spots in the first annual March Sadness Bracket Challenge: the end-of-season tournament to determine where exactly is the best place to be sad on campus.

Some Notes

Dahlgren Chapel – Dahlgren is a heavy hitter in terms of sadness. I talked to some of my friends about this one, and they singled out something called “Catholic Guilt.” Since I’m Jewish, I don’t really know what that is. However, I would be super sad if I had to tell someone all of my sins every week because there must be SO many. I am, as they say, a sinner. I don’t exactly know what’s considered a sin, but I feel like I commit at least seven of them every time I watch an episode of “Storage Wars: Texas.”

My Bed – My bed is a great place to think about all the times that my friends have abandoned me (looking at you, Mark) and my family has shown little regard for my feelings. It’s great because if you squeeze the pillow really tight, you actually can’t hear any of the sounds of the cruel outside world.

Back of ICC 214 – The back-left desk of ICC 214 is a great place to be sad. This one is especially true when you get back your chem midterm and it’s not what you expected, even though you studied really hard and answered all the questions coherently but your TA really screwed you and must hate you because of that one time she said liked your sweater and you didn’t understand what she was saying at first so you just kept walking. Maybe this is more of a me problem.

Gaston Hall – Gaston has great acoustics for not only a cappella concerts and Rangila, but also for crying. If you really want to hear yourself cry (that is, bellow all of the half notes and pitch changes of your sobbing), there’s no place like Gaston to sit and bawl.

Yates Steps – Sometimes I like to pretend I’m going to Yates and start to walk up the steps, then I realize the steepness makes those steps really hard to ascend. Naturally, I just turn around most of the time. But that makes me extra sad because not only am I skipping Yates because I’m lazy, but I’m also physically incapable of exerting the necessary amount of energy that will allow me to even start working out. In the end I just cry, which one could argue is a form of exercise for your eyelids.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, capitolhillhotel-dc.com

4E’s Guide to Cuffing Season Playoffs

With just two weeks until the Cuffing Season Super Bowl on Feb. 14, we’re coming down to the playoff push. We here at 4E want to ensure we all make it through the end of the season unscathed, so we have advice for everyone, no matter how your season has gone so far. Let’s start with…

You’ve Got a Bae.

You’re firmly in a playoff spot this cuffing season. It would take a string of bad losses to fall out of this position. Now, you need to buckle down and focus. Continue to take it one game at a time: No forgetting date nights and no leaving them unseen. God help you if you lose your Snapstreak. You can almost taste the chocolate and smell the roses — just don’t mess it up.

Fred Armisen Love GIF by IFC - Find & Share on GIPHY

You’ve Maybe Got a Bae.

At 4E we have a very simple mantra: DTR. You must — and we cannot stress this lesson enough — define the relationship. No team can make it to the Super Bowl without a set roster. It’s just impossible. This situation might take a couple texts; it might take an *adult* conversation.

You can’t take someone out to dinner on Feb. 14 as a friend — unless you want to. That’s actually totally cool. It’s 2018.

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You Definitely Don’t Got a Bae.

Rarely would we ever advocate poor shot selection, but sometimes shooters have to shoot. The great quarterbacks forget the losses. The great shooters always think the next one is going in. You might need to fire a couple “sup” chats, maybe a couple of subtle smiles to strangers on the Chick-fil-A line, maybe some not-so-subtle winks. Maybe you’ve been in the gym all season working on your jumpshot. We can’t all ride the bench forever. It’s definitely not too late in the season to put together a little run and sneak into the playoffs — it’s your time to prove the haters wrong!

Rocky Trick Shot GIF by NBA - Find & Share on GIPHY

You’ve Got a Couple Baes.

This one is maybe the toughest situation. You’ve been experimenting with your rotation all season. Nobody knows who’s starting or who’s riding the bench. As the coach and general manager of your squad, you have to make some tough cuts. You might have to trade some players for future draft picks. If worse comes to worst, you could be looking at waiving some players or buying out some contracts. It’s the cost of doing business.

Relationships GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, nydailynews.com

4E’s Official 2017 Finals SZN Coffee Drinking Game

The rules are simple. Every time you tick off a bingo box, take a shot of espresso. When you have four in a row (diagonals count), you win! We promise you will be adequately stressed out hyped and caffeinated to tackle your finals season studying! Happy studying, and remember that no matter how well you do, 4E loves you (unless you’re a real jerk)! Photos/Gifs: myfreebingocards.com, giphy.com, travelbetweenthepages.com

Your Thought Process When You See a Fellow Hoya on Tinder

We at Georgetown have a unique way of doing just about everything. From bragging about being busy, to blowing up our favorite sandwich shop for falling victim to the ~Great Wisey’s Rat Scandal of 2017~, Hoyas have many strange ways. In 4E’s latest exposé, we learned this extends to Tinder. Here are the steps you take as a Hoya when you see a fellow Hilltopper on everyone’s favorite dating app:

  1. Check your mutual friends: This is the most pivotal step. The last thing you want to do is swipe right on someone that you will 100% actually come into ~real-life~ human contact with. That’s not the point of Tinder. If you two have more than 20 mutual friends, you might actually know this person: you had deep, meaningful conversations with met a lot of people during NSO. 
  2. Make sure she’s not the girl that sometimes sits next to you during CPS recitation: I know you can’t quite remember what that girl looks like. You know she has brown hair. Wait, maybe she has blond hair? I’m pretty sure her name is Catherine. Or Katie? Caitlyn???? Nah, this isn’t her.
  3. Read her bio: The bio can give you vital clues in your quest to figure out if you know this girl or not. She’s from New Jersey. She’s a Gov major and an Econ minor. She really likes Netflix. She’s so chic just like literally every girl you’ve met since you’ve been here.
  4. Stare at her for another minute: This is the last step in making sure you do not know this girl. It’s always good to squint, and turn your phone brightness all the way up.
  5. Double-triple check that it’s not your biology TA: It could be. You’ve only been to recitation like twice.
  6. Swipe right: You’re now sufficiently positive that you have never met this girl and will probably not meet her in the near future. She’s perfect to swipe right on. I hope you guys match, see each other one night on a Vil A rooftop, and awkwardly not to talk to each other.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com