4E’s Guide to Cuffing Season Playoffs

With just two weeks until the Cuffing Season Super Bowl on Feb. 14, we’re coming down to the playoff push. We here at 4E want to ensure we all make it through the end of the season unscathed, so we have advice for everyone, no matter how your season has gone so far. Let’s start with…

You’ve Got a Bae.

You’re firmly in a playoff spot this cuffing season. It would take a string of bad losses to fall out of this position. Now, you need to buckle down and focus. Continue to take it one game at a time: No forgetting date nights and no leaving them unseen. God help you if you lose your Snapstreak. You can almost taste the chocolate and smell the roses — just don’t mess it up.

Fred Armisen Love GIF by IFC - Find & Share on GIPHY

You’ve Maybe Got a Bae.

At 4E we have a very simple mantra: DTR. You must — and we cannot stress this lesson enough — define the relationship. No team can make it to the Super Bowl without a set roster. It’s just impossible. This situation might take a couple texts; it might take an *adult* conversation.

You can’t take someone out to dinner on Feb. 14 as a friend — unless you want to. That’s actually totally cool. It’s 2018.

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You Definitely Don’t Got a Bae.

Rarely would we ever advocate poor shot selection, but sometimes shooters have to shoot. The great quarterbacks forget the losses. The great shooters always think the next one is going in. You might need to fire a couple “sup” chats, maybe a couple of subtle smiles to strangers on the Chick-fil-A line, maybe some not-so-subtle winks. Maybe you’ve been in the gym all season working on your jumpshot. We can’t all ride the bench forever. It’s definitely not too late in the season to put together a little run and sneak into the playoffs — it’s your time to prove the haters wrong!

Rocky Trick Shot GIF by NBA - Find & Share on GIPHY

You’ve Got a Couple Baes.

This one is maybe the toughest situation. You’ve been experimenting with your rotation all season. Nobody knows who’s starting or who’s riding the bench. As the coach and general manager of your squad, you have to make some tough cuts. You might have to trade some players for future draft picks. If worse comes to worst, you could be looking at waiving some players or buying out some contracts. It’s the cost of doing business.

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Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, nydailynews.com

4E’s Official 2017 Finals SZN Coffee Drinking Game

The rules are simple. Every time you tick off a bingo box, take a shot of espresso. When you have four in a row (diagonals count), you win! We promise you will be adequately stressed out hyped and caffeinated to tackle your finals season studying! Happy studying, and remember that no matter how well you do, 4E loves you (unless you’re a real jerk)! Photos/Gifs: myfreebingocards.com, giphy.com, travelbetweenthepages.com

Your Thought Process When You See a Fellow Hoya on Tinder

We at Georgetown have a unique way of doing just about everything. From bragging about being busy, to blowing up our favorite sandwich shop for falling victim to the ~Great Wisey’s Rat Scandal of 2017~, Hoyas have many strange ways. In 4E’s latest exposé, we learned this extends to Tinder. Here are the steps you take as a Hoya when you see a fellow Hilltopper on everyone’s favorite dating app:

  1. Check your mutual friends: This is the most pivotal step. The last thing you want to do is swipe right on someone that you will 100% actually come into ~real-life~ human contact with. That’s not the point of Tinder. If you two have more than 20 mutual friends, you might actually know this person: you had deep, meaningful conversations with met a lot of people during NSO. 
  2. Make sure she’s not the girl that sometimes sits next to you during CPS recitation: I know you can’t quite remember what that girl looks like. You know she has brown hair. Wait, maybe she has blond hair? I’m pretty sure her name is Catherine. Or Katie? Caitlyn???? Nah, this isn’t her.
  3. Read her bio: The bio can give you vital clues in your quest to figure out if you know this girl or not. She’s from New Jersey. She’s a Gov major and an Econ minor. She really likes Netflix. She’s so chic just like literally every girl you’ve met since you’ve been here.
  4. Stare at her for another minute: This is the last step in making sure you do not know this girl. It’s always good to squint, and turn your phone brightness all the way up.
  5. Double-triple check that it’s not your biology TA: It could be. You’ve only been to recitation like twice.
  6. Swipe right: You’re now sufficiently positive that you have never met this girl and will probably not meet her in the near future. She’s perfect to swipe right on. I hope you guys match, see each other one night on a Vil A rooftop, and awkwardly not to talk to each other.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com