Connor Rohan Wrote a Play!

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GUSA vice president, improv extraordinaire and rumored Georgetown Heckler contributor strikes again: this time with a play at the esteemed Kennedy Center.

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Connor Rohan (COL ’16) definitely has a way with words. His latest piece is a play about opiates and the Taliban, featured, with free admission, at the Kennedy Center on Sept. 7 at 8 p.m.

While we aren’t sure if the play is satire or serious, this award-winning show, titled “Pandemopium,” is sure to be entertaining, as it was penned by literally the coolest guy on campus.

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The official description of the event:
Pandemopium
By: Connor Rohan
Directed by: Maya E. Roth

A small opium poppy farm straddles the base of a mountain in Afghanistan’s rural Kandahar Province. Under threat of destruction by a rootin’-tootin’ Afghan Lieutenant, landowner Ashraf Amini’s poppies can only be saved with the resurrection of a dead Talib and opium trafficker. With the Taliban demanding a harvest, Ashraf has no choice but to transform a seemingly impossible problem. Fast-paced, complex and thrilling, this startling play dramatizes the impossible situation of an opium farmer squeezed between the Afghan Army and the Taliban. Winner of the Donn B. Murphy One-Acts Award, Pandemopium fuses drama and comedy, poetry and politics. Developed in Georgetown’s Hope Playwriting Seminar taught by Christine Evens. Followed by post-performance discussion. Drama/Comedy. [Terrace Gallery] [Cursing, drug and alcohol abuse, violence, mature themes]

See you there, Hoyas!

Photo: Facebook.com; reactiongif.org/

Club Lau TONIGHT

geurgetown-university-libraryTonight (Sept. 5) at 10:00 p.m. is the event of the year: Club Lau.

Located on the third floor (main entrance floor) of our very own Lauinger Library, Club Lau is the raunchiest, sloppiest, sweatiest night that the library experiences each year (except for non-university-sanctioned events that go on when people sneak into Lau at night???).

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Here are the Top 5 reasons you should attend:

1. It only happens once a year.
2. The Insta opportunities are tremendous.
3. It’s the only party of the year that has decent snacks.
4. You can host a sick pregame on Lau 2. Or 4. Or 1. Or 5.
5. It’s Lau’s only chance to be something good.

Be there or be square, Hoyas.

Photo: Me, last night, in the Lau elevator; thestraightorquerr.com

Villanova “Fan Pack” Contains Georgetown Gear

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We’ve always known Villanova sucks. Like, really sucks. After all, it’s dubbed “Villa-no-fun.”

Last week Villanova took that sucky-ness to a new level, making a mistake that cannot be ignored. The official Villanova Bookstore released a “Fan Pack” for the upcoming school year containing a Villanova button, a Villanova bumper sticker and a Georgetown pennant.

Yes, a GEORGETOWN pennant. 

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Note: It does not contain instructions for how to burn a Hoyas pennant.

How dumb can they be???? Now Villanova fans will be able to share their Georgetown pride all season long!

A @vuhoops contributor known formally as “Mike J.” snipped in his article:
So maybe [the person who put this package together] is not a sports fan and they don’t know what a Hoya is – that’s OK, because no one actually does.

Well Mike, you would know what a Hoya is if you had gotten into Georgetown.

Next time a ‘Nova fan asks, “What’s a Hoya?” be sure to respond with “Your future employ-a” while bonding over your matching Georgetown pennants.

Photos: vuhoops.com; espncdc.com

(Free) ICE CREAM ON WHEELS

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Okay Georgetown: how many times have you said, “I would kill for a pint of ice cream right now” or “If you bring me a pint of ice cream right now I’ll love you forever”?

Well now you can have ice cream delivered to your very own (office) door without the potential for jail time or a life-long attachment. Spread the word: Ben and Jerry’s ice cream trucks are on tour around DC delivering free scoops.

All you have to do is tweet them your location (@BenJerrysTour) and, according to their Twitter, they will come make your wildest dreams come true.

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For those of you Ben and Jerry’s noobs, here are a few flavor recommendations:

Americone Dream (duh, Happy 4th)
Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch
Peanut Butter Cup
Phish Food
Half Baked

Bonus points to whoever gets the truck closest to campus. You have until the 18th to make this dream a reality. Get tweeting, Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: Huffington Post, Twitter.com

M Street Says Goodbye to Froyo (Again)

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Today 4E discovered the greatest tragedy on M Street since the closure of RhinoSweetgreen has stopped serving frozen yogurt. This feels like a personal attack, as Sweetgreen was founded by three Georgetown graduates.

When the local Pinkberry closed its doors last spring, packs of basic white girls flocked to the corner of M and Bank to get their fix of this “healthy” ice cream alternative. However, now Sweetgreen has decided to cease production of their only dessert option, sticking to the standards: salad, grain bowls, soups and beverages.

After spending $11 on a salad with lite dressing and saying no to bread, a small cup of froyo was the perfect indulgence. What’s the point of salad if not to justify dessert?

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Although frozen yogurt does have fewer calories than ice cream, walking a few extra blocks to T Sweets or Ben and Jerry’s will help even out your consumption. (Okay, it probably won’t, but you can convince yourself otherwise.)

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Thankfully Pinkberry has reopened, but without Sweetgreen froyo, nothing is the same.

Good luck finding alternative summer snacks, and RIP to the Sweetgreen froyo business.

Photos: myfitnesspal.com; fannetasticfood.com; elitedaily.com

Josh Smith: Becoming a California Girl?

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Attention Georgetown basketball fans: the “Joshington Monument” might be moving across the country. This week it was revealed that not one but two former Big East centers are trying out for the Los Angeles Lakers: Georgetown’s Josh Smith and Xavier’s Matt Stainbrook.

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In the few months since the end of the season, Georgetown fans have remembered Josh Smith fondly, recalling his crucial rebounds and layups as well as a few in-game quips from announcers (“And here’s Josh Smith, rolling onto the court”).

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Hoya fans probably haven’t had a single positive thought about Stainbrook since the day Xavier joined the Big East in 2013: he led the largely unranked Musketeers to three disgusting wins over our Hoyas this season, including one in the semi-final of the conference tournament.

Here’s hoping that Josh has an awesome week with the Lakers and that Stainbrook, like, loses his glasses or something.

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Photos: twitter.com; usatoday.com; gannett-cdn.com

Chem 108 Study Guide: ORGO

TestTubes2It’s that time of year when even the quietest of Hoyas begins to complain about every. single. thing. Shut up already. No one cares.

The one group of kids that does retain the right to crumble and grumble is the only group that had to take a midterm the Monday after Georgetown Day weekend: the Organic Chemistry students. After extensive research and much self-reflection, we have compiled a thorough study guide to help get through the last few days of pain.

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Orgo is no laughing matter.

1. Stare at the wall asking yourself, “Why did I take this class?”
2. Open textbook.
3. Realize you know nothing.
4. Cry.
5. Drop class.

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Good luck, Orgo friends. We’re rooting for you.

Photos: Twitter.com, twitter.com

7 Things You Should Steal From Leo’s

junk_foodStudents are constantly stealing cutlery, plates, cups and bowls from the Leo’s. It’s so commonplace that staff members at Leo’s basically look the other way if you walk out with a cup of coffee or bowl of ice cream. If you haven’t yet had the chance to say a nice “screw you” to the most absurdly over-priced and under-achieving establishment on campus, think about taking a few of these items.

The popcorn machine
No team movie night is complete without copious amounts of salty, buttery, cardboard-y popcorn. Bonus points if you take the shakers of flavors and the little red and white popcorn boxes.

Big bags of cereal
In the cabinets under the cereal dispensers downstairs are massive bags of your favorite breakfast foods: Captain Crunch, Coco Puffs and Cinnamon Toast Crunch… to name a few. Grabbing a bag = breakfast for your housemates for a week.

The waffle maker
On the off chance that the waffle maker is actually available, grab it and run.

A giant tub of Nutella
Another item that’s only on display occasionally, a tub of this chocolate-y, hazelnut-y goodness can take your toast and fruit to the next level.

A chair
Thank goodness Leo’s replaced those ratty old plastic tables and chairs upstairs with beautiful maple farmhouse tables. The sides of the old tables were so pointy that they once tore a 4E blogger’s down jacket right open. The new chairs are echelons better than the desk chairs supplied in freshman dorms. Take one this week – just in time for finals!

The salad bar
Healthy food is always the answer, whether you’re looking for something to energize you for a fun day or help you recover from a hangover. The upstairs salad bar has wheels so you can easily push it through the front door. When you consume the edible greens and vegetables, the bar can serve as a display for your favorite stuff or a table for alcohol at your next house party.

Even if you don’t feel like eating the food at Leo’s these next few weeks, make your extra swipes worth it by snagging one of these goodies before they’re all gone!

Photos/Gifs: reactiongifs.com, angrytrainerfitness.com, imgur.com

CHIPOTLE ON WHEELS

addicted-chipotle-burritoOlé, olé!

How many times have you been sitting in your dorm room – wrapped up in blankets and avoiding your responsibilities – and thought to yourself, “Wow! I could really go for a Chipotle burrito right now.”

You immediately come up with 400 reasons not to go to Chipotle: it’s 0.56 miles away, it’s either too hot or cold, there’s a 10% chance of rain, you just put on your ugliest sweatpants…

Okay. We get it. But now, 4E is coming to the rescue with some AMAZING news: you can now order Chipotle directly to your dorm using the Postmates app!

While this news has been known to the lucky few for the last months (including one of our own bloggers; see below), we thought we’d go public with this tremendous information.

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So now you can have Chipotle anywhere with just a few clicks! Goodbye money, hello burritos.

Photos/Gifs: secretmenu.com, mtv.com

Cupcake ATM…?

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Rumor has it that Sprinkles cupcakes tried to make a cupcake ATM on M street. This would be kind of sick – you could walk up to the store, type in your selection and a perfectly frosted cupcake would be delivered straight to your outstretched hand. It was slated to open last fall, but for some unfortunate reason it never did.

Although this walk-up ATM would have been super cool, it’s really nothing compared to these crazy drive-thru’s:

Stanford Hospital and Clinics: Stanford made a drive-thru emergency room for highly contagious patients.

Ottawa Public Library: A Canada library opened a 24-hour drive-thru window. I didn’t even know Canadians could read. Whoops.

Double Shot Liquor and Guns: This Texas drive-thru obviously sells both guns and booze. This sounds really dangerous.

Adams Funeral Home: A funeral home in California allows mourners to pay their final respects to the deceased in a large glass display window. I think it is the largest cause of nightmares in the United States.

The Donut Hole: This might have been the inspiration for Sprinkles’ ATM. Customers drive through a huge donut to get to the pickup window. Getting donuts inside of a donut? Donut-ception.

Compared to these unconventional and mildly sacrilegious establishments, we have no idea why Sprinkles’ cupcake ATM failed. Hopefully they’ll try again this year.

Photos: forbesimg.com