Real or Fake: Stall Seat Journal

Banner - SSJThis article isn’t about which GU bathrooms are the best (Regents) and which are the worst (Reiss), but about the treasures you find inside them: the Stall Seat Journal. Not to be confused with the Wall Street Journal, which is often also read in the bathroom, the Stall Seat Journal (SSJ) is filled with nuggets of knowledge and common sense for Georgetown students.

Freaked out about the flu and need some tips? Desperate to hear some #hoyarealtalk? Hiding from you ex in Lau 3 and need something to read while locking yourself up in the bathroom stall? SSJ has got you covered.

An avid SSJ fan, this reporter went undercover to investigate the old Stall Seat Journal archives, which are located behind the new edition of the SSJ because nobody actually throws them out.

Test your knowledge of advice given by the Stall Seat Journal with this quiz. One of the answers is a real piece of advice given from the Stall Seat Journal, the rest are made up by your friendly neighborhood SWUG who has not left her house for 29 hours.

 

[playbuzz-game game=”https://www.playbuzz.com/thefourthedition10/real-or-fake-stall-seat-journal-edition”]

Photo: malvernetheater.org

Quiz: How Romantic Are You? The Georgetown Edition

Banner - RomanticLove is like a shower in Darnall: it’s not always as hot or consistent as you would like, but it has its warm patches that make it worthwhile.

Whether you’re someone’s BAE, BAE-less, or on avid BAE-watch, we all need a little love on the Hilltop. In honor of V-day, find out how romantic you are by taking this objective quiz.

[playbuzz-game game=”https://www.playbuzz.com/keatono10/georgetown-edition-how-romantic-are-you”]

Photo: playbuzz.com

Winter Break Grill Session

Banner - Grill Session

Winter break may be the closest the college body comes to hibernation. We build caves out of our comforters to watch Netflix, forbidding all other humans to enter this sanctuary except for parents returning freshly folded laundry. For three consecutive weeks, we leave the home only to go see Star Wars VII yet again, and live like Wookies with our unshaven legs.

And yet, break is also a time full of awkwardness, where you are debating whether to drink in front of grandparents on Christmas, and those uncomfortable moments when your parents walk in on a naked scene when you’re watching a rerun of Game of Thrones (even though you explain that the brothel scenes usually contain important political plot points).

And then the family and adults in our lives begin to ~grill~ us on the questions that we would rather avoid, making the itch to go back to campus burn even more. We’re all familiar with some version of the annual Winter Break Grill Session, as our relatives compare us to our peers, remind us of the real world outside of college and finally bring up some of the more questionable transactions on our debit cards. Thank goodness we’re finally back at school so we don’t have to answer these awkward questions anymore.

 

Parents: How were your grades this semester?

Well, they developed from B’s to C’s.

 

Parents: Do you have a secret boyfriend/girlfriend you’re not telling us about?

Yesterday I found a chocolate chip in my pocket and ate it. Does that answer your question.

 

Parents: [girl you hate from high school] got into law/med school!

Good for her, and thoughts and prayers to all who have to work with her.

 

Parents: Did you hook up the Saxby’s app to Dad’s credit card?

… But you get $2 off for every $20 you spend.

 

Parents: Have you figured out a plan for after graduation?

giphy (24)

No, but I know what I’m wearing to Senior Ball.

 

Parents: I saw that photo of you at [formal name] on Facebook. How did you wear a bra with that dress?

I didn’t.

 

Parents: Do you honestly think we’ll let you go on spring break [insert place name]?

There are far more dangerous places in the world with less all-inclusive packages than this.

 

Parents: Have you finally gotten lunch with [awkward family friend you don’t want to hang out with]?

Yah … I’ll take a rain check on that one.

 

Parents: Have you ever been GERMsed?

Not that I remember.

 

Parents: What is this “DFMO” I hear you and your friends referencing?

It’s just an MSB major… Da Finance Management Operations.

 

Parents: Wait, you’re still single?

Gee, Gerald and Karen, where do you think I inherited my inability to love?

 

Parent: Do you honestly think we’ll pay for your phone bill after you graduate?

~Yes~

 

Don’t worry, Hoyas. The doldrums of spring semester will soon hit us, and we shall overcome our latest grill session.

 

Image Sources: giphy.com, grovesacademy.org

The Hardest Would-You-Rather: Georgetown Edition

Banner - Would You Rather

Halt the studying, comrades. Here comes a series of choices more important than finals.

You think you love decisions? Think again! This poll is filled with so many hard decisions it will make you regret you ever had free will!

The questions that follow were very difficult for me to ask. So difficult that it took me a month to come up with them — a time in which I could write no other posts because I was plagued with such agony. Attempt at your own risk.

[playbuzz-game game=”https://www.playbuzz.com/keatono10/the-hardest-would-you-rather-georgetown-edition”]

 

Photos: summer.jsa.org

Who Wore it Better: 4E or Dogs? (Halloween Edition)

dogs

Don’t you hate it when somebody steals your look, and that person is a dog. Check out these dogs who had the same costumes as 4E bloggers when they dressed up many Halloweens ago. Who knows, maybe these comparisons could inspire some looks this Halloweekend.

Polling has been disabled because we didn’t want to stress anyone out with this difficult decision. And we know, we were cute.

Who wore it better: Courtney Klein or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 18.46.45

Who wore it better: Annie Fraser or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 19.09.26

Who wore it better: Mike Radice or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 19.04.31

Who wore it better: Sydney Bolling or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 19.21.14

Who wore it better: Keaton O’Neil or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 19.32.46

Who wore it better: Tori Forelli or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 14.33.49

Who wore it better: Max Wheeler or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 19.25.58

Who wore it better: Catherine McNally or this dog?

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 19.38.39

 

And, just for kicks, to end this post here is a picture of me dressed as a dog and a dog dressed as a human.

Screen Shot 2015-10-29 at 19.15.31

Mind blown.

Photos/Gifs: poochieheaven.com; polyvore.com; dogguide.net/; millbryhill.co.uk/; etsystatic.com; s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com; thepartyworks.com; technocrazed.com/; poshpetcare.com

4E Horoscopes

horoscope-gallery-sagittariusSo I’m actually way more prophetic than people give me credit for.

Check out your horoscope below to see how your future, love life and Halloweekend is going to play out. 100% accurate or your money back.

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19)

Your life has been crazy and hectic lately, but after this week you’ll finally settle into a more normal rhythm. In your time of desperation, you’ll find a wrapped item of a food on the ground, but you should not eat it. You’ll think about it though.

LoveLyfe: Your side-bae is going to be a side-bye. Get ahead and start moving on.

Halloween-o-scope: You have way too many options for Halloweekend. You’ll be overwhelmed if you try to do them all, so pick carefully. Stay away from group costume ideas.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18)

Next Thursday will literally be a #tbt. Some ghosts of Christmas past will walk back into your life in a way that you were not expecting. Though you may feel overwhelmed at first, take a deep breath—this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

LoveLyfe: You normally live by the commandment, “thou shalt not text first.” But next weekend, if you get over yourself and just go for it, something good will happen.

Halloween-o-scope: You’ll meet a tempting someone dressed as a promiscuous animal on Halloween night. Stay away.

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20)

You know that listening isn’t your strong suit, but you know who really deserves to get listened to? Yourself. You’re in desperate need of some #me-realtalk and just be honest with yourself.

LoveLyfe: The moons have shifted in a rare fashion. Your love interest will acknowledge you sober and in public … potential keeper here.

Halloween-o-scope: So your Halloween costume might be more on the risqué side … but this isn’t something you should feel self-conscious about. If you got it, flaunt it.

Aries (3/21 – 4/19)

You’re stressed out about post-grad plans, but you should not be. Things are going to work out a lot more seemlessly then you’re anticipating, and then you’ll realize that all this nervousness now was unnecessary.

LoveLyfe: You may think you’re the only one courting your crush, but you’re very wrong. Time to step up your game so that someone else doesn’t step on your toes.

Halloween-o-scope: Halloween will not be what you’re expecting this year, but just be prepared to go with the flow.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20)

Your next CTF experience will not be what you’re hoping for.

LoveLyfe: You’re kind of in a rut here. You’re bored with the people around you, and you’re anxious for someone new to walk into your life. But maybe it’s not someone new you should be looking for, but someone old. Not like middle-aged old, but someone you already know. Re-examine the boo’s in your life and do some soul-searching to find out which one could be bae.

Halloween-o-scope: You’re in for a fright this year. Stay cool though, everything will be alright.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/20)

Your next Facebook profile picture will get more likes than you ever thought possible.

LoveLyfe: You feel like a stalker when it comes to your crush, and in some ways, you kind of are. Next time you’re in the same area, introduce yourself in a not-creepy way. They’ll be flattered you took the time to pay attention to them.

Halloween-o-scope: You feel like you’re just over Halloween. You’ve done this for twenty-odd years now, and the routine of going to different houses and collecting candy/shot of Burnetts is getting old. Holidays are just a social construct, right? Isn’t this just a way for the candy companies and Victoria’s Secret to increase their profits? While you may be right, ditch the indifferent attitude just for one night. Have fun with it, put on some animal ears, and go with the flow.

Cancer (6/21 – 7/22)

Work has been going super well lately, and this isn’t just a fluke. You’re really hitting your stride and expanding your skills, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Your frenemy Tequila is going to stab you in the back next weekend…stay away.

LoveLyfe: Your wheelhouse is going to expand…but can you juggle all these new love interests? No need to get serious with anyone yet, but your options are going to increase. In a month or so you’ll have to make a hard decision about one of them.

Halloween-o-scope: You’re going to eat too much candy, but that’s okay.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22)

You feel like your outer appearance has been a bit ratchet, and in all honesty, it kind of has been. That’s mostly because of all the stress you’ve been feeling lately. Give yourself a detox day to give your skin the healing that it needs. You’ll feel better inside and out.

LoveLyfe: Someone in your extra-circular activities has recently caught your eye … don’t let that person out of your sight. Don’t be a stranger, but don’t be a stalker either.

Halloween-o-scope: Your kitty costume isn’t be the only thing that is blacking out this weekend.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22)

Everyone thinks you’re perfect and you have your life together—but do you really? You feel like the answer to this question is no, and having to pretend like you do is driving you mad. It’s a good idea to confide in those you’re close with to say you feel like a mess, and their advice in this situation will be invaluable.

LoveLyfe: You really need to be less self-conscious about yourself, bae and/or side-bae isn’t as judgmental as you think.

Halloween-o-scope: Your kitty tail isn’t the only thing you’re in danger of losing this Halloweened—keep a close eye on your wallet and iphone. You may be in need of an upcoming screen repair.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22)

You may think you’re under-appreciated, but the people in your life value you a lot more than you think. You’re very popular in your inner circle, so don’t forget that.

The wifi at your residence currently sucks. This isn’t going to change.

LoveLyfe: The mixed signals you’ve been getting from a certain someone lately are finally going to clear up. Don’t force this though, this honest conversation will occur organically.

Halloween-o-scope: This Halloween may be the best one you’ve had in a while. Your costume is going to receive a lot of praise, even if you need to explain to some people first.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21)

Tension between you and a certain nemesis will peak this month, but try best not to let your annoyance with this person escalate in a way you’ll regret. Like a poster in my second grade classroom said, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will hurt forever.”

LoveLyfe: Remind your bae and/or side-bae of you interest in them, because they may be uncertain at times. Don’t be afraid to be more forward than you usually are, and slap a couple extra emojis in your texts to show that you really do care.

Halloween-o-scope: So you’re panicking that you don’t have enough costume ideas—but don’t fret. Revisit your childhood costume ideas for inspiration (and maybe ask your mom to FedEx a couple accessories).

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21)

You feel like you’ve just run a marathon. Life has been busier than you ever thought possible, and you’re deserving of some much need relaxation. Next Thursday night, bring a glass of pinot into an extra-hot shower to calm your nerves.

LoveLyfe: You’ve been feeling really frisky lately. Go to your favorite bar next Friday, and you’ll be sure to DFMO.

Halloween-o-scope: Your costume idea for Saturday night is destined to be hot and snarky. Though you may not remember all of this weekend, people are definitely going to give you lots of compliments.

Photo: likewise.canoe.com

Real or Fake: Trader Joe’s Food

hd_3154df63b110dad9e02b2bbb4bd7d44cTrader Joe’s: the holy grail for college kids without meal plans, yo-pro couples and fun-loving elderly folks. Put on your thinking cap and Hawaiian lei and test your knowledge of America’s punniest grocery store. How familiar are you with original Trader Joe’s food? One of the answers for each question is the name of a real Trader Joe’s food item; the rest of the options are made up by a troll on Lau 2 who didn’t own a sports bra until junior year of high school when she had to buy one for a school play.

[playbuzz-game game=”https://www.playbuzz.com/keatono10/real-or-fake-trader-joes-food”]

Are These Georgetown Classes Real or Fake?

iStock_000015742269Small

How well do you know Georgetown’s main campus academic offerings? Turns out there’s so much more at Georgetown than Maps or Problem of God. Take this test to see if those Saturday nights spent on My Access really paid off. One of the options is the name of a real course at Georgetown, the rest are made up by your friendly campus SWUG who has been wearing a bath robe for the past four hours.

[playbuzz-game game=”http://www.playbuzz.com/keatono10/real-or-fake-georgetown-classes”]

Photos: readywritermag.com

Georgetown’s Newest Hot Spot Has Cats

5507692-cat-mSince the demise of Rhino, there’s been a hole left in the heart of Georgetown social life that no Club Monaco can replace. While Crumbs and Whiskers isn’t exactly a 1:30 a.m. destination, it adds a special flare to the D.C. social scene and a chance to make a connection with a special furry someone.

Crumbs and Whiskers, conveniently on O Street by Wisconsin Avenue, is D.C.’s first cat café. Intended for human visitors to mingle with cats, it’s a great spot to hang out with friends, eat, study and get to know some new felines in a relaxed setting. Upon my first visit this week, I couldn’t help but notice similarities between this cat café and the D.C. bar experience.

I first met the bouncer, who made me wait outside for a bit. They don’t open until 4 p.m. on Mondays and the establishment was packed to catacity with 22 felines. Luckily I had gone online ahead of time and made myself a reservation, so I got to cut the line and start assessing the scene.

image

There were cats everywhere.

image_6

You got kitties all blinged up to show their attitude.

IMG_7387

You got kitties dancing on furniture.

image_4

You got kitties passed out, straight napping on the floor.

image_2

You got kitties going hard on bar food at the end of a long day.image_1

One of the more forward kitties came up to me and started DFMOing (I never even knew her name).

image

Tensions got pretty raw at one point, as Rigatoni felt provoked that another kitty was crashing in on his territory. It was unclear who threw the first punch, but there was some mild paw action that followed.

image_4

Both cats walked away unscathed, but Rigatoni’s opponent shot some death glares from across the room.

image_3

Mitty and I really hit it off. A part of me felt like he was only hanging with me for the photos, but at least he provided a great Instagram to boost my cred.image_2

And if you’re lucky, you can even go home with one at the end of the night. No, really, all the cats are up for adoption.

Don’t feel bad if you go home alone though—Wingo’s is right next door. 4E is a proponent of drowning sorrows with food.

So what are you waiting for? Book your reservation today and start making moves.

image_1

Photos: catprotection.com, Keaton O’Neil/The Hoya

When You Give a 15-Year-Old Boy a Cosmopolitan

Cosmo-logo-high-res_0The following is a reaction to “When You Give a 14-Year-Old Boy a Cosmopolitan,” because it’s been a year and nobody else did one.

Cosmopolitan has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. Full of expertise from articles like “Meow!: Why Acting Just Like a Cat Will Get People to Come to You” and “Why Men Cheat in August” (look out, ladies), you can’t help but to be at least somewhat entertained. And with the one exception to when I was sat next to a priest, I still read one every time I travel by plane.

In preemptive SWUG style, I decided to do another article in the same format as the sole article I wrote last year. In “When You Give a 14-Year-Old Boy a Cosmopolitan,” I read my younger brother a Cosmo article to gather his interpretation of what men really out of a relationship. However, this time is completely different because Jameson is 15 now, which means he another of year of experience under his belt (and, as well all know, freshman year of high school is pretty much the peak of everyone’s romantic life).

Now at 5’6 3/4”, 118 lbs, Jameson can do several reps benching the bar with only a little bit of help. This notorious Wellesley High bachelor brings to the table athleticism, geometry skills, and a passing grade in physics. A former lady-killer at the Bar Mitzvah scene, Jameson has recently ascended to the political throne of class secretary, and is now looking for the perfect little first lady to watch PG-13 movies with and quiz him on his French vocab. And though he may not be allowed to ride in the front seat of the Chevy suburban, he’s ready to take the full reigns of a lady’s heart.

I sat down with Jameson earlier this summer with a copy of Cosmo’s article, Body Language Decoder.” Having done a similar interview before, he evaded any signs of nervousness by lying down in a sluggish position, digesting the 4:00 p.m. dinner of a whole box of pasta and alfredo sauce.

Me: Jameson, would you consider yourself a body language expert?
Jameson: Sure, why not.

Me: Why?
Jameson: I have a body of my own.

Me: Would you consider yourself a relationship expert?
Jameson: No.

Me: Why not?
Jameson: I haven’t been in a relationship.

And given our family history, that won’t change for a while.

For our readers who missed this Cosmo article for any reason, it lists physical descriptions or actions that men may exhibit during a specific point in a relationship and then decodes their body language to reveal what men are really thinking. I read to Jameson the description of each of these actions and asked him to analyze what these signs really mean without telling him Cosmo’s interpretation. His reactions are listed below:

SERIOUSLY INVOLVED: HE KISSES YOUR FOREHEAD
Cosmo: A true romantic, this sensitive dude will not only whip up a dinner for you (served by candlelight), he’ll ask about your day while he’s at it.
Jameson: He doesn’t know where your mouth is.

FIRST MEETING: HE LIFTS HIS EYEBROWS
Comso: When a man sees someone he’s into, he’ll automatically lift and lower his eyebrows, wrinkling his forehead in the process. But you’ll have to keep your eyes peeled to catch a glimpse of this telltale signal.
Jameson: He’s a creep.

DATING: HE LAUGHS EASILY
Cosmo: The guy is relaxed and able to be himself with you. “He’s letting his guard down and comfortable expressing his emotions, which a man usually does when he’s thinking long-term,” says relationship expert Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, coauthor of “Why Can’t You Read My Mind?”
Jameson: Is the girl funny?
Me: Let’s say she’s OK-funny, but she’s no Amy Schumer.
Jameson: Ok, well, then he likes you.

FIRST MEETING: HE HOLDS A LOOONG, PIERCING GAZE
Cosmo: Although you may think he’s smitten, he could be playing you. Holding intense eye contact for more than five seconds doesn’t happen naturally, so he may be using the look as a seduction technique to get you into bed.
Jameson: He likes to stare.

DATING: HE PROUDLY HOLDS YOUR HAND IN PUBLIC
Cosmo: He wants to show the world that you’re his. That indicates that he’s the type who craves close partnership.
Jameson: He’s not afraid to commit. And he doesn’t care what the general public thinks.
Me: Would you ever hold my hand in public?
Jameson: No. Maybe if you were falling down or something.

SERIOUSLY INVOLVED: HE SWEEPS A STRAND OF YOUR HAIR OUT OF YOUR FACE WHILE GAZING INTO YOUR EYES
Comso: When this is done in public, it’s a declaration of your togetherness. In private, it’s a way to say silently, “I want to take care of you.”
Jameson: You had hair in the way of your eyes.

FIRST MEETING: HE STANDS OR SITS WITH HIS TOES POINTED TOWARD EACH OTHER
Cosmo: This means he’s feeling a little unsure of himself. So if a boy at the bar is striking this pose, he’s digging you but needs reassurance that the interest is mutual.
Jameson: He’s has a foot problem. He might be pigeon-toed.

SERIOUSLY INVOLVED: HE BEAR HUGS YOU GOODBYE
Cosmo: A guy who frequently says goodbye with a bear hug is comfortable with showing you the love. He’s confident about the relationship and his future with you. A total-body squeeze in his subconscious way of letting you know he’s committed.
Jameson: He’s comfortable around your body — literally.

ON THE ROCKS: HE SHIFTS IN HIS CHAIR OR TAPS HIS FINGERS
Cosmo: These tics may make it seem like he’s just plain nervous, but if they’re done while he’s explaining himself to you, they actually indicate that he could be fibbing.
Jameson: It’s an uncomfortable chair. Or he’s just thinking a lot. By repositioning his body he’s repositioning his eyes and how he looks at you.
Me: You’re so meta.

ON THE ROCKS: HE CLENCHES HIS FISTS
Cosmo: Unconsciously making fists is a common sign of a temper that’s teetering on blowing. It’s a conditioned reflex for men to prepare for a fight when they’re angry.
Jameson: He’s angry. He’s feeling defensive, maybe.

DATING: HE EXTENDS HIS PALM
Cosmo: When a guy offers his palm to you faceup, you know hands down he’s hooked. He’s literally and figuratively reaching out to the person he’s speaking with in an attempt to connect on a deeper emotional level.
Jameson: Uh, he wants you to touch his hand.
Me: And why would he want you to do that?
Jameson: I don’t know.
Me: I thought you were a body language expert.
Jameson: I have my flaws.

SERIOUSLY INVOLVED: HE WALKS IN SYNC WITH YOUR STRIDE
Cosmo: Strolling down the street together, arm in arm, signals a harmony between you. This is your way of facing the world as a united pair. And as an added bonus, you’re not only comfortable in the relationship, you also possess real trust.
Jameson: That’s kind of weird, why doesn’t he just walk normally? Maybe he likes copying what you’re doing.
Me: That sounds like a serial killer.

DATING: HE HAS A BIG, BROAD EXPRESSION, OFTEN WITH EVERYTHING SHOWING — TEETH, GUMS…CAVITIES
Cosmo: Consider it the “Wow, you give me butterflies. I’m head over heels’ smile.” If it’s accompanied by a hearty laugh, look out. If he were any more into you, he might drop down on one knee.
Jameson: He’s not afraid to display those pearly whites — sounds like he’s open to just being himself around you.

ON THE ROCKS: HE LOOKS UP AND TO THE LEFT
Cosmo: The next time you ask him a sticky question or he wants to explain himself to you, notice which way he looks. If his eyes move up to the right, he’s recalling information from his memory. If he looks up to the left, there’s a good chance that he’s inventing the answer.
Jameson: Why the left?
Me: I don’t know.
Jameson: Can he only look left?
Me: He’s not Zoolander.
Jameson: I don’t know … he’s looking away, it’s hard for him to make eye contact, because that would make him upset, or angry. Or he just can’t turn right.

Me: Jameson, do you have any ending comments?
Jameson: Follow me on Twitter, buy my mixed-tape: @jamesononeil, and I don’t actually have a mixed-tape.

Me: Any comments specifically to the lady readers out there?
Jameson: Uh, no. But take out the beginning part about me looking for a little first lady.

Photo: cosmopolitan.com