The New Year’s Resolutions You Won’t Keep

It is that time of the year again. A time of new beginnings, new memories, new laughs, and, most importantly, new resolutions. With each new year comes a new set of promises we Hoyas make to ourselves to make this coming year even better than the last. The thing is, however, we know we probably will not keep them. Here are some New Year’s resolutions you probably made to yourself that you know won’t make it to 2018.

I am going to eat healthy and go to Yates every day.

You get home for Christmas break and weigh yourself for the first time since August. You subsequently endure the 5 Stages of Grief. You promise yourself to live a ~healthy lifestyle~ in the spring semester. Three weeks into January you find yourself sitting in front of a plate of chicken fingers on a Thursday with no recollection of the last time you made it to the gym but also with no ragrets.

“Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind.”

I will not drink Natty Lite or Burnett’s. 

After spending some time at home and drinking some classy wine and craft beer with your family (if you are 21 of course) you decide you are just too good for Natty and Burnett’s. I mean, what are you, a peasant? But, when you return to the Hilltop and take a look at the balance in your bank account you remember that you are indeed a peasant and quickly return to everyone’s drink of choice–whatever is cheapest.

I will do the readings for all my classes.

You coasted through the fall semester without doing the majority of the readings for the majority of your classes convinced you were gonna ace the class only to find a not so pleasant surprise on your final grade report. You think, “I probably should have done all those readings,” and you promise yourself this semester will be different. That is until you have to read 300 pages for tomorrow and its 11 pm all you have accomplished is taking one buzzed quick to find out what character from The Office you are based on your zodiac sign.

I am going to spend less money. 

Last semester you spent a little more than you should have, but this semester that is going to change. Who needs to eat out when you have Leo’s? Who needs to Uber when you can walk? Who needs Corona when you can have Natty? Oh wait…you do.

In all honesty, 4E wishes you all the best with your New Year’s resolutions. Lord knows we all need it.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

Upcoming GUSA Referendums

gusa referendumsIn case you missed the 25 emails, social media campaign and representatives knocking on your door begging you to vote, GUSA recently held two referendums on the topics of smoking on campus and club funding reform. We here at 4E found this to be a great way of getting a better understanding of the campus climate on some really important issues at Georgetown. So good, in fact, that we would like to propose a couple topics of our own that we think need some serious addressing for the next GUSA Referendum Day.

Without further ado, here are 4E’s proposed GUSA referendums.

Is two naps in one day too many?

You have two hours in between your first and second class. Obviously, you are going to take a nap and catch up on those extra Zs. You finish your last class of the day at 4:45, and you’re still feeling a little groggy from that first nap. You could really go for another one.

You worry, “Will I have enough time to finish my calc problem set?” “Will I ever fall asleep when it is actually time for bed?” The answer to both of those questions is probably no, but you still really want that nap. What do you think Georgetown?

Will this outlet work?

Whether you are studying in the HFSC, Lau, MSB, or any other popular study spot on campus, there is about a 50/50 shot that when you plug your laptop charger into the outlet it will actually work. You would think that with a nearly $70,000 tuition bill, Georgetown would be able to afford electricity.

Anyways, I say we leave it up to the student body to figure out if a given outlet works before going through the grossly disappointing process of unpacking your charger, getting up from your seat, and plugging it in only to find it doesn’t provide the life-giving electricity your laptop so desperately needs.

Do I really need to go to my econ recitation?

You attend all the lectures and you understand all the material. Well, maybe not ALL of it. Ok, honestly, probably none of it. But still, your recitation is at 7 p.m. on a Thursday night all the way in Walsh. AND it’s kinda cold out. I think the only way to get a valid answer is for the entire student body to weigh in on this decision.

Can we burn Lau to the ground?

Ok, I know technically this is arson, but I am pretty sure it’s what everyone wants. Lau defies the popular adage, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Not only is it ugly on the outside, but also ugly on the inside. It is also where most, if not all, dreams go to die. What do you guys think?

Make sure to keep an eye out for the next series of 25 emails from GUSA about upcoming referendums. You might just see one of these pressing matters on the ballot!

Gifs: giphy.com

4E’s Favorite Leo’s Yelp Reviews

leos yelp reviewsEver since Georgetown announced its new plans for Leo O’Donovan dining hall, campus has been abuzz with excitement, anticipation and more than a few questions. Will lines be longer? How will Georgetown complete all of the renovations in just one summer? Who are those people in the model photos?

Whatever questions you may have, we here at 4E hope to help by compiling some of our favorite lines from the Leo’s Yelp page in support of the dining hall’s promising future.

Our first review comes from Lissa B., who in 2014 gave Leo’s one star, although like fellow Yelp-er, Rebecca, she wishes she “could give Leo’s 0 stars.” Lissa has more than a few complaints. She writes, “Most days after dinner I would get really horrible chest pains.” We’re sorry to hear that, Lissa!

Lissa also doesn’t fail to remind readers of Leo’s history of food poisoning: “Leo’s was responsible for poisoning a large amount of students in the fall of 2008… Unbelievable.”

Our next review comes from Andrea L. in 2015, who does not give a glowing recommendation. “Everything tastes like [poop]. Do not eat unless you’ve been starving for five weeks. DO NOT eat!!!!!” If you couldn’t tell by the 5 exclamation points, Andrea L. really does not want you to eat at Leo’s. Thanks for the pro-tip, Andrea.

Katia G. takes a more generous approach to her 2014 review, giving Leo’s 2 stars. She explains, “Two stars because I imagine prison is worse.” (Perhaps not, Katia G., as Aramark supplies food to prisons as well.) Katia does give a shout-out to the great Leo’s workers that 4E so greatly appreciates, saying that “The people who work here are adorable.” Katia’s review does end on a sour note, in which she describes the lower floor of Leo’s as “hell.”

Despite giving Leo’s a total of three stars, Hall W., a self-proclaimed college dining hall connoisseur of sorts, describes Leo’s as, “pretty terrible” in his 2016 review. In the review, Hall W. complains of long lines, “blah” food, and “flies floating in the drinking area.” Hall W. does however, provide a list of pros in his review, such as the “great view” and, of course, the “vast amount of ice cream options.”

Rebecca Y. begins her 2010 review with a similar approach to Katia G., as she writes: “If hell was on earth, Leo’s would be it. If hell had a gatekeeper, Anna at the Grab&Go station would be it.”

Rebecca goes on to give a lengthy 8 paragraph review rant about the quality of Leo’s food, which she tops off with the following remark: “Thank you so much, Leo’s, for failing health inspection every year, giving us norovirus and a host of other food-borne illnesses, robbing me of the nutrition and quality of food I need to get me through a tough day of classes/studying, and producing this nasty stench that clings to my clothes forever and ever.” There, there, Rebecca Y., we’re here for you.

Well, there you have it folks. If these Yelp reviews don’t make you excited for the new Leo’s, I don’t know what will.

Gifs/Reviews: giphy.com, https://www.yelp.com/biz/leo-j-o-donovan-dining-hall-washington-2 

A Guide to Eating Alone at Leo’s

A guide to eating alone at leos

We’ve all been there. Nobody in the #squad group chat responds. You get a sudden hankering for Leo’s meat lover’s pizza that just can’t wait. It’s Chicken Finger Thursday and all your friends seem to have forgotten. Whatever the reason may be, nearly every Georgetown student has eaten at Leo’s alone at one point or another. 4E has already blogged about what may happen if you dine alone, but luckily for all you lonely souls out there, we have now composed the ultimate guide to help you survive this isolating experience.

1. Grab a table in the back

If you decide to brave a trip to Leo’s alone, make sure to grab a seat at a table near the back of the room that faces the window. This way you can avoid the judgmental, uncomfortable eye contact with that person from chemistry class you sorta know, but not well enough to sit down with them uninvited with all of his/her friends.

2. Look busy

Pull that phone, laptop, notebook, textbook, etc. out of your bag and make yourself look too busy and important to waste time socializing. Don’t have any homework to finish or friends to text? No problem. Pull up Microsoft paint or open up your notebook to a blank page and draw yourself a pretty picture to pass the time.

3. Pretend your friends are on the way

Feel like everyone thinks you have no friends? Grab an extra plate of food and place it at the seat across from you. Now everyone will think your friends are just using the bathroom or getting something more to eat. You sure fooled them.

Pro-tip: Reward yourself for your successful trickery by eating that extra plate of food at the end of your meal.

4. Pretend your friends are there with you

If you’re really feeling lonely, an easy solution is to bring cardboard cut outs of your friends, place them at seats around the table, and pretend as if nothing is different! Talk about your day, weekend plans, midterm stress, etc. because, after all…

So, the next time you make the trek to Leo’s alone and experience the irrational anxiety that comes from the nonexistent, judgmental looks of your more popular peers, keep in mind these handy dandy tips.

Images: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2ebw8fR

How to Survive the Clownpocalypse

How to Survive the Clownpocalypse

Over the years, American civilization has encountered several major threats to its ongoing existence, such as terrorism, climate change and infectious diseases. Today, there is a new danger on the horizon: the Clownpocalypse.

Basically

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last four days, allow me to explain. Across the nation, cities, neighborhood communities, and college campuses have been terrorized by machete-carrying, child-luring, simply horrifying clowns. Feeling freaked out and unprepared? Follow these tips to help you survive if/when the clowns arrive at Georgetown.

1. Use the Buddy System
Do not even think about leaving your room alone. Going to Leo’s? Bring a buddy. Going to Yates?  Let’s be honest, probably not. Going to Lau? Bring a buddy. Going to the bathroom? BRING A BUDDY. A clown will be less likely to approach you if you are in pairs, and on the off chance one does, you will also have a human sacrifice handy to allow for your own quick escape.

2. Exercise your Second Amendment right
I don’t care what it is. Pepper spray. A knife. A rifle (maybe not a rifle…). A baseball bat. Clown repellent. It doesn’t matter. Just arm yourself ASAP because these clowns do not mess around. Maybe even consider calling your dad back about that self defense class he suggested you take before college. It could come in handy.

3. If you see something, say something
I’m not one to advocate for clown profiling, but if you see anything that even resembles one of these mask-wearing reincarnations of Lucifer you better say something. Tell your floor mates. File a report on LiveSafe. Call GUPD. Organize a press conference. Whatever it takes to get the word out.

4. Master the art of disguise
This one is fool proof. Carry around a clown mask with you at all times, and if you happen to see a clown quickly put it on and pretend your one of his/her friends. They’ll never know.

5. Accept your death
If you failed to follow any of my aforementioned tips this is really your only option. It’s been nice knowing you.

Now that you have 4E’s official guide to surviving the Clownpocalypse, go forth my friends and stay safe in these trying times.

Images: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2dv6Hv1

The 5 People You Meet in a GroupMe

the 5 people you meet in a GroupMe

Over the course of your four years at Georgetown, you are bound to be added to more than a few GroupMes. Whether it is a GroupMe for your friends, your dorm building, your floor or a club, you will definitely encounter some ~interesting~ people.

The Questioner
This curious fellow feels no question is too small or insignificant to pose to the entire student body. It could be anything as ordinary as asking one’s freshman floor for some Advil to cure those Sunday Scaries or anything as strange as asking the entire class of 2020 if anyone wants to go star gazing at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday night (I guess light pollution can’t stop this one). No matter the GroupMe, there is always someone who continues to embrace their fifth grade teacher’s policy of “no question is a stupid question.”

The Campaigner
It’s election season for both the nation and the Hilltop. Considering Georgetown’s location and the fact that basically 50 percent of students are government majors, it should come as no surprise that people here are really into politics and will shamelessly campaign in their GroupMes. Whether it is an invitation to call random rich people for Hillary or a desperate plea to “Vote for me for MSB Academic Council!!!” there is never a shortage of political opportunities in your extensive list of chats.

The Silent Majority
If you scroll through the 259 members of your #poppin’ New South GroupMe, more often than not you will find a small bell crossed out in the top corner of each person’s respective square. These are the people who never have and probably never will speak in the GroupMe. These are the people who don’t really want to be in the chat but FOMO too hard to leave. This is the silent majority… this is most likely you.

The Sharer
There is always that one person who is just a little too comfortable with everyone in the GroupMe. Whether it’s sending constant drunk selfies with their quesadilla in Epi or sharing the intimate details of last night’s hookup, some people have to learn some boundaries.

But you’re secretly intrigued…

The Savior
At last we have arrived at my personal favorite GroupMe person – one whom I like to compare to Jesus Christ. This is the person who alerts the GroupMe of the nearest party or more importantly, the whereabouts of free food. Those “brownies on the third floor” and “free pizza on the front lawn” messages are essentially the sole reason I remain in the vast majority of my GroupMes.

Now that you know the different types of people found in a GroupMe, take some time to reflect. Are you a questioner or a campaigner? A sharer (a.k.a. just an extremely flamboyant drunk texter)? Are you… dare I say it… the second coming of Christ? Whichever one you are, keep doing you. Or maybe don’t.

Images: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2cOGOpx