Charlie, a sophomore in SFS from New Jersey, is 4E's Deputy Editor. He usually spends time during the week by working at The Tombs, walking in the back of GRC, and mourning the loss of Quick Pita. You may have also spotted him sleeping in random locations across campus.
Every semester, we at The Fourth Edition decide to open our doors to the few whom we think are pretty hilarious. This semester, we took five new, spectacular human beings out of a competitive applicant pool. We can’t wait to see what they accomplish!
Top 3 Moments on Season 21 of The Bachelor
1. When Corinne, age 24, casually discloses that she has a nanny. #FreeRaquel2k17
2. When Alexis (dolphin/shark) jumps into the pool and starts making what I presume are dolphin mating sounds to call out for Nick.
3. When Josephine forces Nick to “lady and tramp” an uncooked hot dog with her.
Top 3 Ways to Get Lost in the ICC
1. You took the stairs. Never take the stairs.
2. You went to office hours. The offices seem to always be full of people and yet does anyone really know where they are?3. You went to the bathroom. If the stairs are from Hogwarts, the ICC bathrooms are practically closets to Narnia.
Top 3 Georgetown Pet Peeves
1. Facilities request.
2. When someone ignores your Venmo request.
3. Dominos closes at 2 AM????
Top 5 TV Show Episodes that Make a Bad Day Better
1. The Office, “Stress Relief”
2. Parks and Recreation, “Li’l Sebastian”
3. 30 Rock, “Queen of Jordan”
Top 3 Things Every Georgetown Student Can Agree On
1. The Leo’s coffee may be a crummy necessity in maintaining our caffeine addictions, but their banana bread is a delicious gift from heaven.
2. Jack DeGioia is low-key a baller. He owns his rescinding hair line and classy tie collection.
3. We look at the people on tours to see by chance if we know someone, even though we would never actually want to see some random from high school.
It’s safe to say that the last month has been a whirlwind. The end of Thanksgiving break, all those formals, finals, finally coming home all in the holiday season, Christmas and New Year’s Eve has been a lot to handle. Amidst all the chaos, however, you probably still had time to go out and have fun with your friends. One or two nights (or maybe even all of them, if you’re ambitious) between that first study day and your first final probably looked something like this:You probably had an unbelievable night dressed as some holiday-related getup and posted the most basic picture of all time on Instagram. Meanwhile, you might have woken up the morning after and looked something like this:The mad rush to finish the fall semester ~with a bang~ included formals, sweaty Henle parties, trips to Chi Di, trips to Piano Bar (after getting rejected by Chi Di) and just relaxing evenings at Booey’s with friends. Most, if not all, of these experiences had you feeling down in the dumps the next morning or even later that night.
However, the holiday season has taught us at 4E that not all hangovers are the same. Maybe you woke up with just a slight headache one morning, but then the next morning you woke up feeling like death and slightly sick from all the Quick Pita food you had at 3 AM. So while 4E once told you how to survive those day-afters, I have composed a guide to classify what type of hangover you might be feeling as part of the Sunday Scaries.
The Classic Beer Hangover– You wake up with nothing more than a pounding headache and the warm, delightful taste of Natty Light (read: you also smell like this, which makes you feel slightly queasy). This type of hangover probably came from a trip to Booey’s or the aforementioned sweaty Henle party. You’ll typically experience this throughout your time at Georgetown. The positive side of this experience? An easy remedy is to pop a few Advil and head to Leo’s.
Death by Burnett’s– The other side to a typical party: a handle of some flavor of Burnett’s being passed around. Although you know this never ends well, you decide to go with the flow and deal with the consequences later. You wake up feeling ill. You feel sick and achy, but you manage to get up, clean yourself up, and then head out for the day. If you head to Leo’s brunch, this hangover is sure to be a thing of the past.
The Aftereffects of Various Alcohols– The pregame started at 10 and you lasted until 2 AM. You had it all: beer, Burnett’s, some sort of juice and a sip of water at Epi (because that helps with the hangover, right?). Rumor has it there were even a few ~special~ ingredients in the jungle juice you had at that Vil B. Combining the aspects of the last two hangovers, your hangover makes you feel like death. Even after a shower, Advil and eating the best of Leo’s brunch leaves you feeling hollow and just not your best. Unfortunately, the only way to get through this is to wait it out; by the end of the day, you’ll feel well enough to go out again and repeat the process.
Post-Blackout-Mortem– Similar to the previous topic, you drank a hodgepodge of everything. You went from apartment to apartment to bar to bar, and made the most of every stop. Although you can only remember so much of it, you know you drank a lot since you wake up in the same clothes with some sort of orange liquid staining the front of said clothes. Is it a drink from last night or…? You don’t want to know, and you probably won’t find out unless your friend shows you the pictures that you wish didn’t exist. In the meantime, you focus on getting out of bed, because you can only think about one thing right now and even that takes every ounce of strength. Let’s just say that brushing your teeth, which is supposed to feel good, turns into a nightmare.
Continuing Drunkenness– You wake up NOT HUNGOVER and feel like you’re on top of the world. You congratulate yourself on a job well done and figure what you can do next time to repeat the experience. As you begin to ponder this, however, your head starts to slightly throb until it feels like you’re being repeatedly thrown down the Lau steps. You start to feel sick and realize that your hangover is starting later than expected. Why? Because you were still drunk when you woke up. Although this may seem concerning, have no fear! Your options include accepting defeat or you could just keep it going! Either way you’re going to have a rough day. Nevertheless, you push forward.
…Not Hungover?– Against all odds, you wake up truly not hungover and go about your day per usual. Either you didn’t drink that much or it’s just your lucky day. Although this is rare, it does happen. If it happens to you, congratulations! You can only go downhill from here.
So readers, take this as a guide for when you’re feeling under the weather on those Saturday/Sunday mornings of 2017. Happy New Year and, most importantly, stay responsible!
It’s that time of year again, the time when “All I Want for Christmas is You” is all we hear playing across the nation. It’s also that time when all the old-time films of our childhood, such as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Elf, come back on ABC Family Freeform. Let’s just say it’s the most wonderful time of the year.
However, this holiday season is a bit different due to the shock that electrified the nation on November 8: Donald Trump, against all odds, won the presidency. Some Americans even refused to believe the media when the news broke.
Nevertheless, it was true: Trump turned out to be our future president. There are many reasons that explain why Trump became president, namely that many Americans refused to admit to their preferred candidate.
However, just as there were whispers of Hillary burning ballots, 4E brings you a new conspiracy theory: Donald Trump conspired to steal the election. In the holiday spirit, I will compare Trump’s campaign to Dr. Seuss’s beloved holiday story How the Grinch Stole Christmas to show how Trump accomplished this unprecedented feat.“Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did not!” Prior to this election, many (but definitely not all) Americans were content with society. However, Donald Trump was apparently NOT. Just as the Grinch sat on the top of Mt. Crumpit, brooding about Christmas, Trump sat at the top of Trump Tower, lamenting the situation of our country. But soon, he realized not all was lost.Trump got the idea to steal the election and ~Make America Great Again!~ Was it because his heart was three sizes too small? Biologically speaking this is humanly impossible. On the other hand, people once said it was impossible for Trump to win…Regardless of your politics, it’s clear that this election taught us that anything can happen. So, Donald set off on a quest to steal the election. Just as the Grinch donned his Santa suit and helped Max to be his reindeer, Donald did his hair and employed Melania, Ivanka and others to help him sweep the carpet out from under Hillary’s feet. As he raced ~down the slope~ toward Election Day, Trump had a wild time of campaigning in critical areas and also bullying other candidates (Read: @JebBush, @nastywoman). Just as the Grinch made himself out to be Santa, Donald made himself out to be the one who would save our country from corruption. Interestingly, Melania also made herself out to be quite a public speaker, but we all know where that came from.For the Grinch, Christmas Eve was the day of reckoning. Would his plan work? He proceeded to sweep all the decorations and food from the Whos’ houses and sneak out. Similarly, Trump swept through key states such as Florida, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania as Election Day progressed. However, as he continued to run away with the election, he encountered his version of Cindy Lou Who: Hillary herself. Just as all Cindy Lou wanted was presents, all Hillary wanted was to be president (but like really badly).She probably didn’t personally ask Trump why he was stealing her election, but she also didn’t have to; it was all part of Trump’s scheme to make this country great again. Soon enough, he was racing back up the electoral scale until the vote was finally over. Just as the Grinch triumphantly reached the top of Mt. Crumpit, Trump emerged from the election victorious at around 2 AM the next morning. And just as Trump heard Hillary’s supporters still pledging allegiance to her, the Grinch heard the Whos’ singing voices the next day.As we all know, the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day. Did Donald’s do the same? Maybe, considering he has called for unity among Americans. On the other hand, has he joined hands with Americans and sung Christmas carols? Evidently not, because the media would already have had a field day. On that note, let me leave you with one sobering thought: due to the similarities between these two stories, is it possible that Dr. Seuss actually wrote How the Grinch Stole Christmas in order to predict Trump’s election? Who knows, but like I said, anything is possible.
Four years ago at this time I was a sophomore in high school, wondering who would be running for president when I would finally be able to vote. Fast-forward to now, and let’s just say many of us are surprised by where we are today in terms of presidential candidates.
Now is the time we all have been waiting for. After all, many Hoyas look forward to Tuesday because being in D.C. will certainly make things interesting. As doomsday Election Day draws closer, people are undoubtedly wondering what the day will entail. As always, 4E is here to help you and present you with a list of things to expect on election day.
Expect to wake up at 5:00 AM to the loud noises and chants of campus campaigners.
You’ll probably step out of your dorm room and find your hallway wallpapered with pictures of Hillary, Donald memes and ads for those other candidates that you forgot existed.
Leo’s will be full of people wearing campaign shirts, pins, hats, etc. You may see some joke shirts too (I don’t think we really need to go into depth on why).
You’ll walk into Red Square and witness a number of things, first and foremost, a great swarm of students.
College Democrats will be rooting for Hillary.
College Republicans will be rooting for well…we don’t really know, since the ol’Donald’s policies have been denounced by many Republicans on the Hill.
Matthew Kroenig will be lecturing to the public on the current election situation and predicting what will happen to our country depending on what candidate wins.
Some random student will also be trying to lecture. People will stand by to either listen or put it on their snapstory…
…Leading to the next observation: Snapchat will be full of “I Voted” stickers and all sorts of filters for this special day.
Some organization will have written (in chalk) messages about remembering love and peace during this election season (will they end up vandalized?).
Finally, one last group of students won’t be campaigning for anyone, but just telling you to vote and fulfill your ~civic duty~.
Dahlgren Chapel will be packed with students, faculty, locals and maybe even Joe Biden, all praying for neither candidate to win and for the next four years to be over quickly.
Will Hillary Clinton herself make an appearance? She’ll probably be in Washington anyway, so why not head to a college campus?
On a similar note, John Kerry will most definitely be seen around the neighborhood. You may see him around O Street or, like Hillary, possibly campaigning on our campus.
If you see John Kerry, you’ll also see his security guards. Be sure to look if they seem slightly tipsy…
…Which leads to my next point: you may, in fact, see plenty of drunk Hoyas (21+ of course). Just as some played drinking games to get through the debates, some will drink to get through the day (let’s hope not for the next four years).
Back to campaigning: will Eric Trump make an appearance at his alma mater? His father might want to balance the Dems’ campaigning efforts, so he may send Eric out from the golf clubs to do some #work.
Later in the day, all the interns from Capitol Hill will return to campus. Some will talk about how they monitored results when in reality they were just getting Congressmen coffee.
Expect some mild rioting throughout the day. No one’s happy, but no one’s going crazy…yet.
Around the time that the results are announced, you’ll see a large crowd running out of the front gates. This isn’t a revolutionary force; it’s just GRC going on it’s White House run. Check it out- you’ll get to see all the craziness downtown.
Walking through HFSC at this time, amid all the shouting, you’ll hear various news channels gauging the international response. From laughter to threats of nuclear war, expect foreign leaders to have a wide variety of responses.
IF HILLARY WINS: Expect many people to relax, mostly out of relief that Trump wasn’t elected president against all odds.
IF TRUMP WINS: Much of D.C. goes up in flames, along with a large part of the country. Expect mass rioting and looting throughout the city.
Will anarchy spread to campus? It’s possible that some crazy students will rob various Corp locations of bagels and coffee beans. Tables in Lau could be overturned. Hoverboards may even make an appearance in apparent disregard for authority.
And to finally close out the day, you’ll get that Public Safety Announcement from Todd Olsen and Jay Gruber, encouraging students to remain in their dorms and act responsibly, even though this election was just a disaster from the start.
On that note, there’s only one thing to say as we come up on one of the most controversial elections in American history:
GERMS: the one word your parents do not want to hear when you call them at 8 AM on a Sunday morning. Many people have been in this situation, and they’ve said it’s quite shameful.
Generally, you hear more about people calling GERMS on other people. You hear about how they were such heroes, how they condemned saved their friends, how they weren’t involved but watched someone else get GERMSed, etc.
However, you may occasionally hear someone tell you about how he/she was GERMSed on a fateful weekend night. These stories are certainly interesting because you’re hearing the survivor’s side. Some are curious as to what actually happens when someone is GERMSed. As always, 4E has the inside information on what happens to these unfortunate souls. So, here are the steps of being GERMSed.
Context– You’ve had a rough week. Three midterms, two papers, and you’re working on homework until 2 AM every night. You may also have been rejected from yet another club. When you leave Lau at 9 PM on Friday night, you’re ready to go out and go hard. However, in your mad rush to party, you may forget to hydrate and/or eat dinner. Let’s just say that you’ve already created a recipe for disaster.
The Pregame– If this night was Kingda Ka, one of the world’s tallest roller coasters, your arrival at the pregame is the point where you start shooting forward, but are not yet at the steep ascent to the top. After running from your room to the pregame, you quickly down a larger-than-recommended amount of Burnett’s (Note: we at 4E only encourage responsible drinking–meaning if you’re 21+, of course–so check out these articles if you need help choosing flavors). Soon after, you start to feel a nice buzz, but nothing too crazy yet. You forget the fact that your stomach is empty and decide to take a few more shots before heading out to the party. You’ve now begun the ascent to the top of the rollercoaster.
The Party– Now, you’re in the middle of the ascent, almost to the top. This party is #lit full of debauchery, and handles of Burnett’s are floating around everywhere. You even spot Pineapple Burnett’s, which has gotten great reviews in the past. You’re overwhelmed by how great this party is, and fully engage in the “festivities”. When you’re ready to leave with your friends and venture to Epi, you’re just at the top of the rollercoaster, about to drop into a full-shame spiral.
Epi / Walking Home– You arrive there with some of your friends and buy a quesadilla. In the process, you realize you are out of Flex Dollars, which adds to the catastrophic nature of this night. In the process of devouring your quesadilla, your BAC continues to rise. You figure you should be fine since you’re eating now, but you couldn’t be more wrong. After walking back to your dorm, you decide to hang out in a friend’s room to close out the night. It looks like there’ll be a happy ending, right?
~Death~– One thing leads to another, and you find yourself in the bathroom, not in a good state. At this point, you’ve made some sort of scene and have attracted too much attention to yourself. Your friends keep checking on you, and you try to convince them and other spectating floormates that you are totally fine. However, they know better and someone eventually calls GERMS. If you haven’t guessed already, you are spiraling downwards, almost to the bottom.
GERMS– You hit rock bottom when GERMS arrives.It’s important to note that you don’t have to go with GERMS if you’re coherent. Keep in mind that they are students too, and are not looking to get you in trouble or imprison you in the hospital. They’ll ask you a few questions to make sure you’re okay, and if you seem like you’ll make it, you can sign a release form and go back to your room. So, the ending isn’t exactly happy (if it was, GERMS wouldn’t be there in the first place), but it could be worse. If you’re not coherent and/or clearly not okay to spend the night on your own, you’ll probably have to go with GERMS to the hospital. You probably know the rest: you spend the night in the hospital, and the people there release you when they deem you to be okay. You’ll probably promptly run back to your room and fall asleep.
The Morning After– If you actually went to the hospital, you’ll have to call your parents and tell them to expect a bill. You might look something like this.While your parents might look like this.It’s probably better to tell them the truth early on, just so they aren’t surprised and find out through a letter. If you didn’t go to the hospital, it’s up to you whether you want to tell your parents. If you think you have a problem, then you might want to do so. If you just want to put it behind you and learn from the past, it might be better to keep it a secret. Either way, the morning after your encounter with GERMS is sure to be interesting. People in this situation have described feeling shocked, embarrassed, angry, and even humored. It takes time to process how you hit rock bottom in the span of a few hours.
And just like that, we’ve completed the roller coaster.
While the idea of GERMS may seem humorous to some, it really is a big help to students in need. Part of the reason it’s so great is that the students who run it are very understanding and patient. Let’s just say that if it was my job to take care of drunk students all night long…I would probably go crazy.
Recently, it was revealed that Quick Pita will be closing at the end of 2016 (on December 31, to be precise). You can imagine the effect this news has had on me, a connoisseur of late-night food. When I heard the news, I had a meltdown comparable to that of a catastrophic nuclear accident.Many of my fellow Quick Pita regulars reacted similarly as I gently broke the news to them. In fact, some of them threatened to transfer. Hogan Lizza (COL ’19), a devout Quick Pita enthusiast, commented, “Georgetown without Quick Pita is like the Cincinnati Zoo without Harambe.” I couldn’t have phrased it better myself. Quick Pita has been around for decades, and life will just not be the same without it.The increase in rent has left Quick Pita with no other choice but to move out. I, for one, plan on venturing there every weekend until they close. I also felt Quick Pita could not go without a proper sendoff. With a nod to Edgar Allan Poe, here is 4E’s tale of the Quick Pita we know and love:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I wandered, drunk and weary,
Thinking about my ~classy~ night out on the dance floor,
As I ambled, nearly stopping, I heard a great number of people talking,
Talking of Middle Eastern food, of a place where I had never been before.
“Just a small eatery,” I thought, “hopefully cheaper than Epi because I’m poor.”
Only this, and nothing more.
I looked up this “Quick Pita” and set off for my potential hangover cure.
I hurried down Potomac Street, both hungry and eager to explore,
Eager to learn more about this eatery of Georgetown folklore.
Once I arrived, I took in the striped awning and the hole-in-the-wall that would help me score,
Help me score my freshman 15, something to soon happen, of that I was sure.
Quick Pita, I soon realized, would make me fat, forever more.
Deep into the VCE darkness returning, I ate my chicken fingers and cheesy fries, still learning,
Learning about this wonderful taste, about to tell my friends they had to come with me.
But they didn’t listen, they said Darnall was too far from this place.
But I knew they’d come with me at some point, on my life I swore.
Eventually they ventured to Quick Pita, and their lives were changed when they walked through the double-doors.
Their hearts were changed–forevermore.
Quick Pita became my solace, a refuge for me, whether or not I was sober.
The chicken fingers, the cheesy fries, the gyro kept me coming back for more.
I got on the scale after finals last year, and yelped in horror.
My parents asked me why I gained so much weight, how I didn’t notice my expanding core,
I told them how I frequently followed the Quick Pita spoor,
The spoor that would haunt my dreams-forevermore.
It was an ordinary night in September this year when I found out what would happen,
What would happen to Quick Pita, my dear Quick Pita, my savior.
Someone’s Snapstory said that Quick Pita was closing and raised a fury among students.
This was just something that I could not ignore.
I marched down to Potomac Street in the middle of a downpour.
I had to confirm that Quick Pita would be open (I couldn’t take not knowing anymore).
I strolled in and walked up to Sammy, the cashier who any Quick Pita regular knows.
I said to him, “Is it true you’re closing? If you say yes, I may start sobbing on the floor.”
He looked at me and said in a sad voice:
“Our landlord raised rent by forty percent, we can pay it no more.”
I replied, “Is there any way at all you can stay open? This is a place I really adore.”
Quoth Sammy, ever so honest, “Nevermore.”I walked home, depressed and defeated.
I told my friends and all acquaintances of the tragedy, the end of the food we all go for.
We all protested, and we in 4E ranted when we heard the news.
The neighborhood took away Rhino, now this? It’s like we’re at war.
But for now, all we can do is sit here and deplore.
For come 2017, Quick Pita’s doors shall be open – nevermore.
And Sammy, never moving, still is sitting, still is sitting,
Sitting at the counter, aimlessly staring at the eccentric, yet lovable, decor.
And his eyes have all the seeming of a good man that is dreaming,
And the fluorescent light over him casts his shadow on the tiled floor;
And the amazing food that we eat after leaving the Brown House dance floor
Burnett’s. We’ve all ingested this flavored poison at some point and experienced its wonderful taste. Some people may have told you about the best and worst flavors. But let’s be real: times have changed, and people’s opinions and tolerances taste buds have well shifted.
Or maybe, they’re not sure what flavor suits them, and are just looking for their soul stealer mate (in terms of flavor, of course). Either way, students (21+) need an update on the way to drink Burnett’s in order to prepare for the school year ahead of us. As a proud member of Georgetown’s most ~debaucherous~ club, I am pleased to present a concise guide to drinking Burnett’s various different flavors.
Sweet Tea: Commonly overlooked due to the fact that its taste will make anyone gag more than any other flavor, Sweet Tea is actually a very good mixer. You probably shouldn’t try to take shots of this. It just won’t end well for anyone.
Mix it with lemonade, and you’ve got a great summer drink. It’s commonly called the “John Daly.” With Burnett’s, however, I’m not sure if it really deserves a title. It’s just Sweet Tea Burnett’s with lemonade.
2. Pink Lemonade: Now we’re in the big leagues. Pink lemonade has caused several students to have unforgettable nights, whether at Village A or at Brown House. Although many students prefer to drink it straight in small amounts, it actually mixes really well with regular pink lemonade. Your drink will be so pink that it looks scary, but apparently it’s worth it in the end since it goes down much easier. So the ends justify the means, right?
3. Fruit Punch: This may surpass Pink Lemonade in excellence, because it goes down just as easily and isn’t too strong on the signature Burnett’s aftertaste. The only problem with this flavor itself is that it stays with you, as in you wake up the next morning with a haunting taste of fruit punch lingering in your palate. Mixing this flavor with 7-Up should neutralize the overwhelming flavor and allow you to enjoy it.
4. Lime: Hoyas have mixed feelings over this flavor. Some say it’s the only Burnett’s they can handle, while most say it’s their least favorite drink of all time. Personally, I have to go with the second opinion. If anything, I’d say mix it with Coke so that it will almost taste like Coke with Lime…. and a little bit of bleach.
5. Peach, Citrus, & Mango: I group these three together because of their God-awful flavors. Peach indeed has a peachy flavor, but not in a good way. Drinking Peach Burnett’s is similar to trying to make a good meal at Leo’s: it will work on a rare occasion, but most of the time you’ll end up worse than where you started. As for the other two, I’m definitely not a huge fan. They’re both sour and just do not go down easily, even when mixed with a strong mixer like Coke.
6. Vanilla: Vanilla deserves more credit. Many students criticize its taste, but that’s because they try to only take shots of it. They don’t try mixing it, and that just won’t end well for most flavors of Burnett’s. I recommend mixing Vanilla with either Coke or orange juice. That way, it’ll be like drinking either Vanilla Coke or a refreshing breakfast beverage. Once you try this, you’ll never try to take shots of Vanilla again.
7. Pineapple and Coconut: These two are grouped together because they’re ~tropical~ and also are delicious. Since these flavors are not as gross as some of the ones mentioned above, you can mix them with mixers like Sprite, Sierra Mist or 7-Up because the flavor will not have to be blocked out. Coconut mixed with Sprite is particularly good. I discovered these flavors in the latter part of last semester, and it was almost depressing to realize what I had been missing for so long. It’s also unfortunate because I’ve rarely seen these flavors in stores.
There are also many more flavors of Burnett’s, such as Cherry Cola or Blue Raspberry, but only try them if you’re feeling ambitious. At the end of the day, everyone has their own preference, and 4E is always here to guide you to making the “right” choice when it comes to drinking Burnett’s, should you ever find yourself in that unfortunate situation.
As explained by every Blue & Gray Tour Guide, CHARMS is an online matchmaking service to help incoming freshmen find their roommates. And as with any dating app, there are the stories of the students who live together happily ever after for all of their four years and are best friends because they found love in the hopeless place that is CHARMS. Roommates for four years? Why would anyone not use CHARMS? Well, just as there are stories of success with online dating, there are those stories that are horrifying, hilarious and just downright weird.
Note: Stories have been edited for grammar only. Anonymity has been granted to all people involved in the stories in order to preserve hard-earned reputations and dignity upon their return to the Hilltop in the fall.
Sometimes the horror stories are not about the roommate, but about what happens to both you and your roommate. It’s times like these that bring us together: “My freshman year roommate and I made out with the same guy on the same weekend. We found out this sobering fact a few months later and the guy didn’t even go to Georgetown.” While an experience like this is sure to leave one shocked, it might actually enrich the roommate relationship. So not every story has a horrible ending.But don’t be so optimistic. Other times, you think you know your roommate, but then the cops come knocking on your door. Think your roommate was a badass? Think again: “My freshman year roommate was a high-level drug dealer who was involved with the Colombian drug trade and was expelled from Georgetown for unlawful possession of a firearm and a pound of weed.” Looks like someone applied their lessons from International Trade to a real-life situation … just not the right one.
While it’s rare that someone has a drug dealer for a roommate, it’s a lot more common for someone to just not get along with their roommate due to trouble with finding common ground:
“It all started with a small misunderstanding about temperature. We both wanted the room to be cold, but had different definitions of cold: mine simply meant I didn’t want to sweat while sleeping, and his meant he wanted to see just how close one could get to absolute zero. He would wake up and aggressively open up the windows during the unforgettable polar vortex. From there, our relationship devolved into petty passive-aggressive arguments, culminating in him calling me a “wildebeest” (but on Yik-Yak, because he was too scared to say it to my face). “He could be found blasting Britney Spears in the shower during the wee hours of the night, throwing pre-games in the room when I was gone for the weekend, and complaining to his mom about me in a language I never told him I spoke fluently.”
At least the roommates in the story above could converse. Some were unable to speak to each other in their own room, let alone in a public setting.
“We were friendly for the first week, but after a small misunderstanding he spoke to me less and less. It came to the point where he wouldn’t even acknowledge me when I said ‘Hi’ to him in public (and sometimes even our own room). It wasn’t just me; he would also ignore my friends, whom he had met on several occasions. He would repeatedly steal all my food/drinks and refused to stop, even though I asked him to do so on several occasions. When we talked on CHARMS, he claimed to be clean. I, however, learned otherwise when I would come home to find his bodily substances still in our toilet. He would also host pre-games and neither tell nor even invite me (there were literally Facebook events that I found out about from people in my dorm). Later in the year, I found out he was spreading absurd rumors about me. For example, he told people that I would spend free time by pouring vodka down a certain part of my anatomy. As if he knew what I did in my free time. Because I just loved to hang out with my hostile roommate.
To be honest, they were probably meant to be coverups for the ridiculous (but actually true) stories that I had the potential to spread about him (which I did not).”
It seems that freshmen housing involves tough times for some Hoyas. Sometimes roommates are less horrifying and more odd. Such a phenomenon may be illustrated in the decorations that adorn the walls of some freshmen’s rooms: “My freshman roommate had a collage of 40 pictures on her wall. Sixteen of them were just of her. Just solo shots. Some were in cool destinations, but the majority were at her high school or by a random lake.” Well, Georgetown was voted as having one of the most attractive student bodies. Apparently some Hoyas are just very proud of it.
Now comes a new category: drunken urination stories. Everyone knows the saying “You gotta go when you gotta go.” Well, let’s just say that this proverb is especially true after one engages in a certain type of debauchery.
“I was friends with my freshman year roommate, and we have enough stories to write a book. For example, one night he came home severely intoxicated. We both went to sleep and I locked the door. Around 5 a.m., I woke up to him desperately trying to open the door. Unfortunately, he was still too drunk so he did not realize that the door was locked. He soon gave up on trying to exit our room, turned around and peed in our trash can, which was lined with a garbage bag. The next morning, I found a puddle of urine at the bottom of our garbage bag, but my roommate did not remember peeing in it at all. For six days, there it sat, our urine-filled garbage bag. He didn’t take it out, and neither did I. Although I was absolutely disgusted, I found out there were worse things that could happen.”
A urine-filled garbage can. But imagine if that urine belonged to neither you nor your roommate.
“My roommate and I woke up at 3 a.m. to find one of our drunk neighbors peeing in our trash can, which was not made out of plastic. It was one of those chain mesh ones, which resulted in none of his urine actually staying in the trash can. On the verge of wringing his neck, we quickly kicked him out of the room. He had no recollection of the incident the next morning. Nevertheless, I still made him buy me a new, plastic trash can for future incidents.” Asserting dominance in situations like these is definitely a power move, so props to you.As usual, we at 4E save the best for last. One of my favorites, this unnamed hero sticks out from the others. She told me how she herself was a roommate horror story. She not only seemed comfortable with it; she #OwnedIt.
“I don’t have a roommate horror story. I am a roommate (and floormate) horror story. After a night out in early September, I came back to my room and thought it would be hilarious to take a Snapchat with my sleeping roommate, whom I had met just days prior to this occurrence. I posed next to the sleeping body and took a flash selfie, only to find out that my roommate had a friend sleeping over. So I took a selfie with a stranger and had to explain myself when this person woke up. My roommate, on the other hand, slept through the whole thing.Fast forward a few weeks and she actually ended up moving out, so I thought I had the room to myself. It turns out I was wrong, because my one human roommate was replaced by three happy mice who lived in the nooks and crannies of my room. One time I was eating leftover Mai Thai when two mice darted out from under my vents, squeaked to each other and then ran back under the vents. I, of course, continued eating.The third mouse made an appearance when I reached into a desk drawer to investigate a torn bag of chips. It darted out across my hand, and then ran under my bed. My scream for help was so loud, violent and bloodcurdling that it sounded like someone was stabbing me repeatedly. A few floor-mates rushed to my rescue as I continued to howl.And what had I done to them in return for my rescue?! I refused to take the blame for the vomit that sat in our bathroom for five days straight. It got to the point where girls were walking down to bathrooms on the lower floors to brush their teeth. Is it too late now to say sorry?”
Some Hoyas have housing horror stories to tell, while others have nothing but bliss. Freshman year is a time to grow, and that includes living with people you may not immediately click with. Even if you have a bad roommate, look at it this way: You’ll have the stories to tell for the rest of your life. Not everyone can claim the same. So when times are getting tough with your roommate and you’re beyond the point of working things out, just remember: You only have to live with him or her for one year. After that, you’re free, and you can say goodbye and put your roommate behind you.
As most of you know (and if you don’t, crawl out from under your rock), Georgetown University has a large social media presence. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and more recently, Snapchat make up the various means by which Georgetown makes itself known on the Internet. School administrators and a few students run these accounts, but due to their overwhelming sense of idealism, Georgetown may appear to be a bit too welcoming. We may appear to be hard-to-swallow ~aggressively hospitable~.
Although these social media accounts are managed without flaw, many current students have a hard time admitting that they accurately portray what happens at our beloved school. Have no fear, 4E is here to give you the scoop! Over the last year, several masters of social media have started to portray Georgetown in a more down-to-earth way through the use of finstas, which I’m assuming most, if not all of you know to be fake Instagram accounts. The unnamed “saints” behind these accounts capture moments of Georgetown students’ lives as they happen, not as planned out beforehand. Some of the major accounts include @georgetowndimes, @hoyas_eatin_naners, @couplesatleos, and @gufreshmendointhings. These accounts specialize in Georgetown’s most attractive students, freshman fails, love on the hilltop, and quite literally, students devouring bananas. What a time to be alive!
In order to promote these accounts and thus make your life so much better, I have composed a brief, but ~comprehensive~ exposé on these accounts.
@georgetowndimes– Dedicated to recognizing some of Georgetown’s most gorgeous students, this account currently stands at five posts, the first being released on April 18. Not to knock on the person(s) running the account, but I think that the account definitely needs some work. Only five posts in over two months? Come on now. Also, if you’re supposed to be featuring Georgetown’s best-looking students, shouldn’t there at least be more than five? We were voted as one of the colleges with the most attractive student body. On a more positive note, I do commend this account for what it does and its name. It has a ring to it that none of the others have. For those of you interested, here’s the account’s page.
@hoyas_eatin_naners: Interestingly enough, this is actually the second Instagram account that follows bananas at Georgetown. The first, @georgetownbananas, started in September 2014 and its last post was in January 2015, with only nine posts in total. It has since been dormant. Disappointing? Yes. It may be too late to resurrect this account. Now, with @hoyas_eatin_naners, we’re in the big leagues. Setting the standard high with 59 posts in four months, this account is much more active than the one described above (probably the reason it has more followers). Its ratio, with 242 followers and 110 following, is much better than that of @georgetowndimes. The account’s bio? “Every day, hundreds of Leo’s namers lose their lives. These are their stories.” The reference to SVU alone is enough to make people ~go bananas~. Every situation you can think of, from accounting-exam-stress to dartying, involves a banana. The people who run this account (rumor has it they’re sophomores) are to be commended for the fact that they make a Hoya’s day by either featuring them and/or making them laugh.
@couplesatleos– We all see them ~those couples~. They sit together at Leo’s and act like they’re so much better than the rest of us are so happy together.We also see those people who aren’t couples, but are sitting together so they might as well be. This account is dedicated to recording such instances and poking fun at them in a lighthearted manner. With 24 posts in just one month, this account had a strong start. The photos may be not as high-quality as those of @hoyas_eatin_naners, nor may it have a better ratio, but it’s up there with the banana-lover account in my book. It is following 583 other accounts but has 397 followers, thus beating all of the other Georgetown finstas. The plus to this account is that more people probably notice the couples that sit together at Leo’s, not the apparently large amount of bananas that are consumed each day (still a very important issue).
@gufreshmendointhings– Last but not least, we have the account that draws attention to the ups and downs of a freshman’s life. Its ratio is close to that of the account described above, with 383 followers and 598 following. Its bio perfectly lays out what the account covers: “Photos in front of Healy Hall, making out on a Vil A rooftop, first Leo’s date? We see you”. From DFMOs to NSO, @gufreshmendointhings is there to record those moments when freshmen reveal how basic they truly are. Or it reveals how they do things that you don’t really see every day, such as someone brushing his/her teeth in a Lau bathroom.Regardless, this account brings us laughs and reminds us of things that either we or our friends did when we were freshmen. Some of the account’s posts cannot be pictured here for obvious reasons, but you get the idea.
Why should you follow these finstas? For one, some of their posts will brighten your day almost immediately (unless you’re featured in an embarrassing one). They also enable you to look further into Georgetown life, beyond those fake amazing videos that the administration posts via Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Finally, you should follow them to support your fellow Hoyas behind the accounts (some might just follow you back AND like your photos). The debate over which finsta is the best still continues, so let’s see if it can be settled once and for all.
Photos and gifs: giphy.com, instagram.com, google.com, http://bit.ly/28QwQkm
Well friends, it’s that time of year: the last week of classes. We’re almost to the point where we don’t have to go class every day of the week. Summer is so close, yet so far (because of the gloom of finals that hangs over our head). But fear not! There’s something even closer than finals that shines a little lot of light on our lives: Georgetown Day. There’s only one thing we at 4E can say about God’s springtime gift to us:
Actually, there’s a lot more we can say about Georgetown Day (just search it on our site). As a fledgling in September, I could only dream of Georgetown Day. I heard so much about it from upperclassmen. They talked about how it was like the Homecoming of the Spring, how it was a free pass to skip class to have the time of your life on a weekday and how it symbolized another terrific year coming to an end. I figured it had to be a great day. If it was anything like Homecoming, things were sure to get…crazy. However, I could not truly know what they were talking about since I still had not yet experienced it. But here we are. It’s time to celebrate in true Homecoming fashion:
*Only if you’re 21+, of course*
As I’m sure many other freshmen have not yet experienced Georgetown Day (and to those who have, congrats, but you’re still in our grade), I have composed a series of forecasts. Weather? Unimportant. I’m forecasting what may (or, disclaimer: may NOT) happen to you on this fateful day:
Black out or back out. You’re at it from the get-go. One of your clubs starts partying at 7 AM and you are there right on time. You throw back some mimosas and before you know it, you switch to some stronger liquids. DANGEROUS, but you still pull through. The morning flies by and soon you’re strolling across campus, out of your mind feeling ~young, wild and free~. In the back of your mind, you know that there are going to be some pretty bad pictures of you the next day. You start to feel a bit more normal and decide to nap. But wait. You get dragged to another party before you can go sleep, but luckily the bouncer turns you away. Next, you run into another upperclassmen in your club (that met at 7 AM), and she convinces you to return to the party. Before you know, you’re back at it again. You later text some of your friends to see who’s up for Leo’s because at this point, food is the only option. One of them responds, so you leave the party…and you wake up in your bed at 2 AM, alone and confused. How did you get there? No one knows. Not even you. You had fun during the day, but regret the fact that you went too hard and could not keep going. Overall, you consider your day to not be a win.
Black out and DON’T back out. You’re a champion. Your Georgetown Day experience is basically the same as that of #1, except you don’t retire to your room at 5 PM. One might compare this experience to the opening of Dylan Thomas’s poem Do not go gentle into that good night because, like the persona says, you “rage, rage against the dying of light.” Nothing drags you down. You apparently make it to several parties and live out the saying “lights on, no one’s home,” because your mind is just not in a good place. Your friends inform you of your actions the next morning, but you look back on the day with no regrets. You know that you killed it, and you are proud of your freshmen year finale.
It’s a marathon, not a sprint. This is, arguably, the best route to take on this glorious day. It’s the advice most upperclassmen give to freshmen when darties happen. You do not go too hard throughout the day; instead, you keep a nice feeling going for the entire day and maybe even part of the night. There is not a single moment when you’re feeling too out of control or too subdued. You have the time of your life and remember everything. Your day comes to a close, and you lie in your bed, absently smiling at the ceiling as you look on over your perceived victory. You made it through Georgetown Day alive and spent the entire celebration with your friends! At the moment, you feel like you just finished the best day of your life.
Becoming Nurse Ratchet. You spend the day painfully sober, taking care of your friends who need a certain type of assistance. Instead of becoming Nurse Ratched from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, you become Nurse Ratchet because…well, you know why this term applies here. Although I am all for helping friends, it would be not be very fun to take this route.
I, for one, am beyond excited for Friday. I think it’s going to be an ~interesting~ experience, especially if I and my classmates decide to go to our Problem of God section at 1 PM. The forecasts listed above give a general outline of how the day may go. Of course, anything could happen. There is always room for surprises on days like these. Which path will you take (or which will take you)?