A Guide to Fulfilling New Year’s Goals Quickly

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If you don’t make resolutions this New Years, you probably aren’t missing out. Not many people actually fulfill these often lofty or vague goals. Why? They set themselves up for failure. In order to achieve your resolutions, you ought to completely devote yourself to the cause. We at 4E have some suggestions on how to get some common resolutions accomplished, pronto:

home alone new years

  1. “Time to lose ten pounds”

How-to: chop off your non-dominant arm, get a significant haircut or stop going to Epi at 3 a.m. on the weekends!

chopped arm

  1. “I need to raise my GPA by .2”

How-to: avoid taking classes with harsh curves, stop studying on Lau 2 or transfer to a school without grade deflation!

  1. “I want to meet more people and be more social”

How-to: forgo the above goal, get to know your Uber driver (they’re all really cool) or claim ownership of a popular, non-embarassing Georgetown Confession!

  1. “I want to spend less of my money”

How-to: quit your job (you can’t spend money you don’t have), swipe into Leo’s once and stay there for multiple meals or “borrow” a parent’s credit card!

money shower
No – Don’t do this
  1. “I want to spend less time on social media”

How-to: deactivate your iPhone and go back to that flip phone that’s been under your bed for years, stop following DJ Khaled on Snapchat or unlike the Georgetown Confessions page.

Major key: delete him on snapchat
Major key: delete him on snapchat
  1. “Time to get that six-pack”

How-to: break up with Ben and/or Jerry, stop complaining about the uphill walk to Yates and start complaining about the uphill run to Yates or buy one if you’re 21+.

 

Best of luck reaching your goals in 2016!

 

Photos/Gifs: rantlifestyle.com, giphy.com

Mike Radice

Mike Radice

Mike is 4E's Senior Editor. Hailing from the misunderstood state that gave you Chris Christie and trashy TV's finest stars, Mike is a senior in the SFS. He enjoys complaining about SaxaNet, roasting people with meme tags, and winning preregistration odds every time.
Mike Radice

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