The Stages of Losing Your GoCard

Who knew a tiny, ugly piece of plastic would mean so much to us? If you’re a Georgetown student, you’ve probably lost your GoCard before. And if you’re like me, you lose it almost every week. How do we cope? Well, the first step is knowing what you’re in for. If you’re not already familiar with the many feelings that come with losing that little card, here’s a reminder.

1. Denial

You lost it. Again. Again?! How did you lose it again? You’ve checked literally all the pockets of all your pants,  the entirety of your now-messier room and retraced your steps of the past few hours. It’s over. It’s gone. You can’t go to Leo’s, you can’t print, and you can’t get into your dorm without awkwardly waiting outside for a stranger to swipe you into the building. Great.

2. Anger

    It’s Day 3, and this whole losing your GoCard thing is ruining your life. You can’t do your laundry, and it might not be the best idea to ask your friend to borrow their GoCard for the 7th time.

3. Bargaining

    Here’s how you explain your situation to the swipe-in security officers: “Hi, I lost my GoCard. I’m sorry. I don’t — is that — okay? It might be upstairs, I don’t know. Okay great, yes, next time. I live here, I promise!”
    Here’s how they respond: They shrug, wave you along, maybe utter a soft “K” or “You’re fine…”

4. Depression

    Another day, another fruitless search for the GoCard. You’re sad. You’re confused. Do you keep looking for it? Do you even care at all?

5. Acceptance

Fine. It’s time for that trek up to the infamous GoCard office. You usually only go up to this location for late-night Epi runs, so this is new for you. But it’s time – it’s been time. You may be losing $25, but hey, at least you can try to get a better GoCard picture this time.

Photos/gifs: newstudent.thehoya.com, giphy.com

Health Code Violations Georgetown Students Have Ignored

We’ve heard the rumors. We’ve seen the health code signs. But for all our favorite Georgetown restaurants, students are very much willing to forgive and forget their health code violations. To commemorate our most notorious health code offenders, 4E has rounded up all our favorite food establishments and their health code violations! We also realistically understand you’ll read this article and then go grab a bite to eat. See you there!

1. Dean and DeLuca, 2017

Not the first time its been closed for rodent infestation. But then again who in Georgetown can escape the rodent infestation?

http://wjla.com/news/local/dc-dept-of-health-closes-dean-deluca-in-georgetown-due-to-reported-rodent-infestation

2. Sweetgreen, 2013

Closed for “six critical violations of food code regulations, including an inaccessible hand-washing sink, a broken refrigerator, fruit flies and an expired business license.” Rough.

http://www.thehoya.com/sweetgreen-reopens-after-food-code-violations/

3. Mai Thai, 2017

Closed for apparent “drainage issues in the kitchen during maintenance work,” and mold in the ice machines. But real question how does their food come so fast???

https://www.washingtonian.com/2017/02/10/mai-thai-in-georgetown-closed-by-the-dc-health-department/

4. Whole Foods, 2017

Closed for violating “the District of Columbia food code regulations, which presents an imminent health hazard to the public.” But the only real hazard to our health is Whole Foods prices.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/Glover-Park-Whole-Foods-Closed-for-Food-Code-Violations-413385753.html

5. Booeymongers, 2013

Closed for unclean food preparation, “mold on the ice machine and employees failing to use gloves during food preparation.” But let’s be honest: Most of us come for something that doesn’t need preparation and comes straight from a tap.

http://www.thehoya.com/after-2013-violations-local-eateries-adjust/

6. Wingos, 2012

Closed for violation of “improper holding temperatures, lack of proper date labels and improper food separation.” I mean, most of us eat Wingo’s at improper temperatures, with unknown dates, and no separation…it’s called the next morning.

http://www.thehoya.com/after-2013-violations-local-eateries-adjust/

7. Johnny Rockets, 2007

According to a health department report, health inspectors discovered “evidence of recent rodent activity,” including “gnawed hamburger buns.” The report said that improper disposal of trash and food debris had caused the rat infestation. The department closed the restaurant…” Maybe just get a milkshake?

http://www.thehoya.com/doh-shuts-down-johnny-rockets-for-health-violations/

8. Chipotle

I think we all ignored the Chipotle E. coli outbreak and we lined up for our burrito bowls the day they reopened. Just saying.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2015/11/02/chipotle-closes-43-restaurants-following-e-coli-outbreak/?utm_term=.ca6e3b1a7c89

9. Epicurean, 2009

Who knew our favorite late night eater was up to so much? I guess we were all a little too “busy” *cough* to notice. Here are Epi’s violations:

  • Food was not properly “segregated, separated, [or] protected.” At the sushi station, eggs were stored in a way where they might contaminate other foods.
  • The restaurant was cited for unclean and unsanitized food contact surfaces.
  • The restaurant’s food marking and disposal methods were cited.
  • Food and non-critical surfaces were not properly maintained. The restaurant was cited for improper “dishware washing sanitation, and frequency methods,” which includes silverware. The final rinse temperature of the dishwasher was not hot enough.
  • Hot and cold foods were stored at improper temperatures.
  • There was no consumer food advisory for raw or under-cooked food displayed at the sushi bar or on menus

https://blog.georgetownvoice.com/2010/03/15/epicurean-leos-tombs-and-bangkok-were-high-risk-violators-of-d-c-health-code-in-2009/

10. Leos, 2005, 2008, 2009, 2012

Are we even surprised?

http://www.thehoya.com/doh-hits-leos-with-seven-violations/

https://blog.georgetownvoice.com/2012/09/13/leos-health-inspection-reports-six-violations-third-level-risk-category/

Don’t worry we love you guys anyways!

images source: google images

What to Do on GAAP Weekend: Prospective Student Edition

Dear Class of 2021, and so on and so forth,

WELCOME to the Hilltop. D.C. or, as both the cool kids and the geotag call it, “the District,”  is breathtakingly beautiful and the Georgetown bubble (aka my happy place) is nestled in a cozy corner of this vibrant and inspiring city. Home to an ambitious and driven student body, professors for whom one is willing to spend hours studying on Lau 4 and one well-loved bulldog, Georgetown is well worth visiting. Sign up to have a Blue and Gray tour guide escort you along patios strewn with empty beer cans the Vil A rooftops and point out where Bill Clinton lived in Harbin Hall, before he left communal bathrooms and his cluster for a marginally-more-upscale White House residence. Additionally, please make note of following important “Do’s and Don’ts” of visiting our campus.

Don’t try to join the meme page

Please don’t pretend that you’re a non-conforming Jesuit teen. Prep school has not prepared you for this type of meme mastery. One ~incredibly persuasive~ reason to attend this university and surround yourself with peers who also did quite well on the SAT, is the high caliber of meme quality that you will find here. However, seeing as you don’t go here (yet), you probably won’t be able to fully appreciate our self-deprecating jokes. Additionally, by bemoaning the state of Leo’s, Lau and the basketball program, the meme page fails to highlight the many things that make Georgetown so wonderful, and we don’t want you to get the wrong impression.

Don’t disrespect Leo’s

What are the odds that Leo’s will look like the Hogwarts’ Great Hall after the remodel? (unfortunately slim..)

To the hordes of red-sweatshirt clad minions getting WAY too excited about the weird ice cream flavors and groups of parents concernedly poking at salads, I don’t really understand why you are here. First of all, it’s O’Donovan’s by the Waterfront, to you. You are not allowed to poke fun at Leo’s mysterious lack of forks, soggy scrambled eggs, or constant abundance of gross Rum Raisin ice cream unless you have spent 14-18 meals a week in this fine establishment, and Kim Kim knows you by name. Second, while Georgetown is truly an incredible place, our on-campus dining options are not the reason that my future children’s first words will be “Hoya Saxa.”

Don’t brag about going to Georgetown “Frat Parties”

I would like to help you make the important distinction between a “frat party” and a party (or awkward, sweaty gathering) thrown by a frat in a cramped and dimly lit Henle apartment. I suppose I am powerless to stop you from putting a video of yourself singing along to Closer on your Snapchat story or taking a shot of Vanilla Burnett’s (Disclaimer: teen drinking is very bad, and also illegal). Just know that you’re not as cool as you think you are.

Do bask in the glory of Healy Hall

Does looking up at the Healy clock tower give you chills? Copley Lawn, peppered with Hoyas studying on blankets, throwing frisbees and laughing with their friends, feels so perfectly collegiate. The idyllic-ness of the hundreds of color-coordinated tulips gently swaying in the breeze by the front gates (almost) justifies the exorbitant cost of arranging such botanical displays. Can you resist taking a picture with John Carroll? Of course not. He is the GOAT, and you probably won’t get in if you don’t document meeting him (in statue form). Please note, this is not all too good to be true. I can assure you that one year later, when I am hammocking with my favorite people on the front lawn, it still feels just as magical.

A few additional points of clarification:

  • If you got the impression on your tour that The Corp rules this campus, this intuition is quite correct.
  • Jack the Bulldog and I are in an exclusive relationship. Take as many pictures with him as you would like, but he and I have already booked a date for our Dahlgren Chapel wedding.

Photos/gifs: msfs.georgetown.edu, giphy.com, facebook.com

Georgetown Truth or Dares

On the weekend, Georgetown students face many different choices. To wake up for Leo’s brunch, or to forego food until 3 PM when Tapingo opens? To get homework done early on Saturday, or to leave it for Sunday? To go out, or to have a rousing night in with your ~ladies~?

If you decide to pick the latter, I would suggest a wild game of truth-or-dare. But why not take it a step further? Why not make it a game of Georgetown inspired truth or dare?

DARES

  1. Streak on Copley Lawn (we’re looking at you, Cait).
  2. Skinny dip in Dahlgren fountain.
  3. Steal Kim Kim’s panini press.
  4. Find a willing friend and make out with them on every floor of Lau.
  5. Go behind the Cosi counter and make your own meal to save yourself a two hour wait.

Truths

  1. Have you ever stolen something from Leo’s?
  2. Have you ever walked in on your roommate doing something awkward (i.e. lying naked on the bed singing, picking their nose, etc.)?
  3. Have you ever excessively complimented your professor in an effort to raise your grade (Problem of God is not as easy as people make it out to be…)?
  4. How many of your Flex Dollars go to late-night Epi quesadillas?
  5. Where is the most embarrassing/inconvenient place you have thrown up (I hear Walsh and White-Gravenor are not very accommodating)?

With Piano as a no-go and people getting too lazy to host parties what with mid-term season in full-swing, we at 4E hope this game of truth-or-dare can salvage your otherwise boring Friday night.

*Disclaimer: if you get caught doing any of these dares, we at 4E cannot be held responsible.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, gaap.georgetown.edu

A Guide To Scamming the Most Out of Free Food This GAAP Weekend

Welcome to Georgetown, new Hoyas! Your friends at 4E are so excited to meet you next year! Before you  arrive, hopefully you’re going to GAAP Weekend so you can celebrate and learn more about us, regular ole Hoyas. If you are, here’s how to scam the most out of free food this GAAP Weekend.

8:30 AM on Friday – Go to St. Mary’s for breakfast. They without a doubt have the best spread. From fresh fruit to small pieces of banana bread, the NHS (School of Nursing and Health Studies for the newbies) has too much food and not enough people to share it with.

1:45 PM on Friday – For those who want to be extra ~cultured~ be sure to hit up the SFS for some Qdoba. However, if you’re not about that, then go to the MSB. If you have to venture into ~The Snake Den~ for anything, it might as well be good food from a fancy restaurant.

6:00 PM on Friday – Starving after Convocation and can’t wait the 30 minutes it will probably take to walk to Tombs and get food? Walk for 1 minute instead from Healy to the ICC for the Multicultural Reception! It might will definitely be the best food you’ve had all day!

9:00 AM on Saturday – You could go to Leo’s for breakfast, and it will probably  definitely be the best Leo’s you’ll have in your Georgetown career, or you could knock on an unsuspecting upperclassmen’s Vil A door and beg food from them. No doubt they’ll take pity on you and attempt to give you something better (choose the door wisely).

12:00 PM on Saturday – Want free food AND clothing? Come to Red Square so that clubs can inevitably try to bribe you to join once you get here! The free swag and food ranging from Hershey’s Kisses to slices of pizza will be worth it. I promise.

Your friends at 4E sincerely hope that this list has helped you to scam the most food out of your GAAP Weekend and make it one you’ll never forget!

Gifs: giphy.com

Dating App: Bio Do’s and Don’ts

Have you heard? Dating apps are in. And, we here at 4E are into it.

While older generations and predominant coffee-shop narratives of first sight romance might be disturbed by the rising persistence of online dating, we see the perks:

1. Safety

YES, safety.  Despite your Mom’s concern that dating apps are creepy because ~strangers~, meeting someone online often allows you to validate the person’s existence through mutual friends, Facebook, even Linkedin, before meeting them in person. On the other hand, the guy that chatted you up on the street could be the type of dangerous that is straight out of a pyscho-killer-thriller movie.

2. Efficiency

While spontaneous human connection can be fun and romantic, dating apps give you a chance to determine whether or not you find a person attractive and nice, before agreeing to commit an entire lunch to them.

**This of course not always 100% effective and does not guarantee that the date won’t be horrible, but it has marginal benefits.

3. Opportunity

Whether you love to hate or hate to love our fast-paced technology-infused modern world, dating norms are shifting from away traditional courtship. This is, in part, because we are busy, and often driven by our own goals and pursuits that can make finding time for genuine connection hard. Dating apps can help you fast forward to seek out whatever type of human connection it is that you’re after.

**This is starting to sound like we are entering an era of robots and commodified intimacy, which is horribly concerning.

Anyway, for those of you looking to dabble in the online dating world or those already knee-deep, you may be wondering what to put in your profile. This is tricky, indeed. It is the opportunity to make a wonderful first impression or turn someone away immediately.

For your reference, we have compiled a list of “Profile Types” and categorized them as Dislike (AKA swipe left), Like (AKA swipe right), and for the Tinder goers, Superlike (We 10/10 would recommend).

Dislike

The Recycler

To all of the Michael Scott fanatics out there, we get it. And, we’re with you. But observation (unsupported by real data) has it that 80% of you use this line. What are you trying to say, anyway? You want us to take the shot and message you? Be more creative.

This series of references, too, is rather overused. We appreciate the creativity, and honesty, but this additional information is just not going to sway our decision to give you a shot. Put it away.

The Honest and Arrogant Type

Does this ever actually work?! We appreciate the honesty, but even if another person is also not interested in your ex and is too, mainly on Tinder for the opportunity for physical intimacy, we don’t think this is the turn on to motivate that encounter. Try again.

The Poorly Produced Pick-Up Line Guy

Pick up lines can be charming, but texting and driving is reckless. Do better.

The Weird, in a Bad Way Dude

Do you get it? We don’t. Regardless if  this is a song lyric, the image of mayonnaise in not inspiring us to pursue an introduction.  

The Cringe-Worthy

We respect your hard work, but we’re not here for your dolla bills. Well, most of us.

Like (Not great, but not a deal-breaker)

The Short and Sweet One

Not a super clever bio, but no red flags. And, just enough information to make inquiries without feeling like there is nothing left to get to know about this person.

The Genuine Guy

This boy gets points for being a good grandson and a sweetie. He states his motives, provides hints of personal information and is friendly.

The Combo

So maybe he’s a bit of a recycler, but he combined his references with some genuine information. Worth a shot.

The Aspiring Stay at Home Dad

 Again, he’s okay. Enough information to have an inkling about his character. However, to all the girls and guys out there that care about height… (eye roll) this one always brings out the attitude.

Super like
(If we were on the fence before, this sealed the deal)

Clever and Concise 

Okay, neither of these are stellar- but, a good sense of humor and a to the point message are rarely a deal breaker.

Other ideas: The real rare gems are those that take effort, creativity, and commitment. Two examples include: the dating resume and the date application. More to come on how to go above and beyond creating these, in a later post!

Editor’s note: The author apologizes that this post takes a very heteronormative and gender conforming approach to personal branding: these suggestions are limited to the profiles of men looking for women. 

Gifs: giphy.com

What To Do This Summer If You Don’t Have an Internship

So now it’s April and you’ve found yourself without an internship. You’re probably asking yourself: what exactly can I do this summer? Well believe it or not, there is plenty more out there than being a Hilltern or interning with your favorite consulting firm. We at 4E have a few ideas of what you could do with your non-internship filled summer.

Let’s begin with some classics. You could take classes, volunteer, work at a local ice cream shop or be a camp counselor.

Read a lot of books. This summer activity is commonly done poolside or at the beach. You could always go for the throwback and catch up on all that summer reading you never did in high school.

But wait, why not write a book? Better yet, why not compile a whole series? Not only will you find a way to pass the summer, but you may even become the next J.K. Rowling in the process.

I call this next category personal start-ups. In this day and age of media, there is so much fun stuff you can create. You could start your own blog: a food blog, a workout blog, a blog for your cat–the options are endless. A meme page could also be your calling, or maybe it’s one of those Twitter accounts where you pretend to be a famous person. Who knows? This summer is your chance to find your social media calling.

Train for an Olympic Summer sport. You may discover you’re actually really talented at canoeing, throwing a javelin or steeplechase. Then you have the whole summer to learn an Olympic sport to begin training for Tokyo 2020!

Challenge yourself. Try every ice cream flavor at every ice cream store within a 25 mile radius of where you are spending the summer. This activity will take a lot of perseverance, money and a very strong stomach. But we believe in you and advise you to always order a large small.



Start your coursework for Fall 2017. It’s never too early to begin your 1000s of pages of readings.
Okay this one is just too ridiculous. Please don’t do this.

Learn the fight song. Patrick Ewing was just announced as the new Men’s Basketball Coach, so you might want to go to a basketball game next season! Prepare yourself. And, if learning the song doesn’t take the whole summer, you can always learn the alma mater too.

Never leave your house. Not once. This will take lots of dedication and a long list of either books to read, shows to watch or walls to stare at, but you’re a Hoya and thus can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Note: if you do in fact write a book, become a successful blogger, or eat at every ice cream shop within a 25 mile radius, please let us know, as we would like thanks and partial credit for your achievement.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, disney-planet.fr

Travel Ideas for Your Ramen-Noodle Student Budget

With Spring Break coming up and summer only a couple of weeks away, 4E has compiled a list of budget travel destinations for all of those students whose great-uncle’s friend’s son could not secure them an internship at Goldman Sach’s this summer. Enjoy!

1. IcelandAverage flight cost from D.C. : $250-$340
Airbnbs are, apparently, incedibly affordable here. (Another thing that all these Northern European countries have over us!). No, but seriously, Iceland has been increasing in popularity with the college students for its unique outside experiences such as their Northern Lights, hot springs, waterfalls, and modern cathedrals. If you book your ticket early enough, tickets can cost as low as $200 round-trip!

2. Chicago

Average flight cost from D.C.: $110-$180
Ahhh….Chicago. Known for their 1500 calorie deep-dish pizzas and this weird looking thing up there. Chicago is a cultural hub for art, music, and comedy. Activities include: The Rolling Stones exhibition at Navy Pier, Millenium Park, Shedd Aquarium, Art Institute of Chicago, Jurassic World: The Exhibition at The Field Museum, and Adler Planetarium. Only con is that prices for hospitality can be a little higher in rates depending on your proximity to central city.

3. Backpacking

A couple friends and I went backpacking at Lake Tahoe last summer, and I  could not recommend it more! We flew into Reno, Nevado (~$250 from Newark, New Jersey) and took a bus to our camp site from there. Backpacking can be a little pricier if you need to splurge on gear, but you can get ~thrifty with a lot of it (#InnovationNation). Some great backpacking places include the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Yellowstone, and Glacier National Park. If you’re looking for a guided trip, however, prices can get steep fast.  Here’s a link to refer to if you’re considering it as an option: https://www.rei.com/adventures/trips/backpacking

4. New York

Average flight cost: $130-$360
if you haven’t checked it out already, New York’s Museum of Sex is one of the city’s most popular sites right now due to its bold coverage of ~doing the dirty~. Other popular places in New York include its Momofuku Milkbar in SoHo, The Met, the Museum of Ice Cream, and Midtown East’s Greenacre Park where there is an actual waterfall in the middle of Manhattan at 217 East 51st Street.

Pro-Tip : At most museums in New York entrance fees are only suggested prices. So instead of paying the $25 to the Met, you can pay as low as a dollar since it’s all considered a donation. The Museum of Sex, however, is excluded from this.

5. Camping/Hiking Trips

If backpacking is a little out of range physically, mentally, or financially, simpler hiking trips are great and less intense trips. Locate some trails near you or some camping sites and pack a lighter backpack. If you’re trying to ~”Glamp” try the Poconos where you get an Airbnb for cheap and get a good night’s sleep before hitting the trails.

6. Montreal

Average Flight Cost: $180-$380
Montreal is cool for its French culture and old-city vibes in a growing  metropolitan area.  Shop downtown, visit Chinatown, go to brunch, try different drinks at themed bars and even white-water raft!

Bonus: the legal drinking age in Montreal is 18.

Downside:  this also means, you could be clubbing with 16 year olds. It’s definitely an interesting, and all-in-all very fun place!

Happy traveling!

Citations: https://techcrunch.com/tag/chicago/, http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7377/10590831585_a96efe2490_b.jpg, https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwjq5PbpypDTAhUF6yYKHTzADTcQjhwIBQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.quipmag.com%2Ffighting-for-grub-on-the-go-montreal-street-food-ban%2F&bvm=bv.152174688,d.eWE&psig=AFQjCNHaA2wFze2z9ghnnvDBOOMK1Bhx7Q&ust=1491594122312410&cad=rjt, http://arrowheadpoconorental.com/state-parks-and-hiking/, http://purpleroofs.com/gay-travel-blog/2015/02/new-yorks-museum-sex.html

99 Problems But Jesuit Values Ain’t One

My college career started off to a horrifically basic start. My roommate and I invited new friends to our room before heading over to the Natty-littered Village A rooftops. Word spread quickly of our plan to play pong and party, as thirty sweaty eighteen year-olds flooded my third floor, trash-hallway New South room.

Music was blasting, Burnett’s was flowing and introductions were a plenty; I was having a glorious time hosting new friends. However, in the middle of all-time anthemic banger “Closer,” there was a sudden knock on the door.

My roommate and I were written up for a noise complaint. We had no interest in writing a BS apologetic essay about “disturbing the peace of New South,” and instead wrote a rap about Georgetown’s Jesuit values. The piece, entitled “99 Problems but Jesuit Values Ain’t One,” was required to be spoken to our community director, peers and RAs. And we did it. And we went all in. Please enjoy, much to my humiliation.

99 Problems, but Jesuit Values Ain’t One

It was a Monday during NSO,
We didn’t know how to tell them to go.

Playing music and talking, way too loud,
til the RA on duty came around.

Disturbing the peace with all our brothers,
We were not being men and women for others.

And now we’re ready to apologize too,
By showing our knowledge of Jesuit values.

Cura personalis is what comes first,
Because care of the the person is not the worst.

Now that we’re Hoyas we need some balance,
By being kind neighbors we’ll show our prudence.

Through this rap we will make some penance,
Demonstrating the importance of academic excellence.

Academic excellence thats a must,
Because when you don’t it’s a sure bust.
We’ll have Jack DeGioa up in a fuss,
Going to Lau, getting those A’s, that’s prosperous.

Educating the whole person is essential,
It helps us reach our full potential.

Learning both in and out of classrooms,
Chilling in Lau or even at Tombs.

Here on the Hilltop we’re learning to be faithful,
Between justice and faith we are not hateful.

Rhymes smooth just like buttah,
Holla at St. Ignatius–that’s my brotha.
Came up with Men and Women for Othas,
Taught us values of character just like my motha.

Our bro Brahmanchari taught us inter-religious understanding,
All religions are welcome, each unique and expanding.

Expanded our horizons, went to Buddhist meditation,
Our years at Georgetown aid spiritual formation.

We love Georgetown because of its community in diversity,
It gives us a better world view within the University.

On the third floor we have peers from England, France and Spain,
Friends from far and wide make our lives less mundane.

Our thoughtful discussion after Pluralism in Action,
Brought us closer to diverse peers to our satisfaction.

Loving our neighbors before ourselves,
Helping the staff in Leo’s restock the shelves.

Doing what’s right, owning up to our mistakes,
Being faithful and just is all that is takes.

Teaching us lessons is what Georgetown does best,
Now we know better, we hashtag blessed.

Photos/gifs: som.georgetown.edu, giphy.com

SWUG Life 101

As an underclassman at Georgetown, I heard the term SWUG for the first time and I told myself I would never become one during my senior year. Alas, here I am, senior year, drinking a bottle of wine in my sweats with my friends doing The New York Times crossword puzzle on a Saturday night. This is not the first time this has happened.

What is a SWUG, some of you may be asking? A SWUG is an acronym that stands for Senior Washed Up Girl. You may experience a SWUG sighting at Tombs on a Wednesday night or at an all you can drink brunch in Dupont. As an experienced SWUG myself over the past 7 months, I have decided to help 4E in order to create a SWUG guideline if you will.

SWUG Life 101

Have a designated booth at Tombs.
On a 1 to SWUGiness level, this is a 7.

Have the ability to recollect everything that happened on this past season of The Bachelor.
On  a 1 to SWUGiness level, this is a 5.

Do Nick and Vanessa still even like each other?

Do not leave your house unless absolutely necessary, like making a wine or food run.
On a 1 to SWUGiness level, this is a 6.5.

Exceptional knowledge of every happy hour in the DC Metro area.
On a 1 to SWUGiness level, this is a 8.5.

Saying “I have no motivation” at least three time a day.
On a 1 to SWUGiness level, this is a 9.2.

Senior year in a nutshell.

Invest in a New York Times crossword puzzle subscription.
On a 1 to SWUGiness level, this is a 10.

Because Saturday’s puzzle is super hard.

Images: giphy.com